 Well guys, it's over. No more wheel of time after we get through these last two episodes. Episode seven, days day, Mar. Did they ever explain what that means in the episode? We open on 20 years ago. Not Galadriel and head girl boss, The Golden Years. Chatting about their retirement plans. They visit Grandma Luna Lovegood. Luna's having visions of the worst childbirth scene to ever be filmed and is understandably upset about it. We cut to head girl boss visibly aged since the 20 years ago that we started on. So much for eternal youth, am I right? Head girl boss's daughter is here. I mean, they're very aggressive about the whole she addresses her as daughter and then daughter addresses head girl boss as mother. But that might just be like a thing they do. Unclear. Then a not Galadriel shows up and head girl boss seems miffed. Why didn't you tell me you lost your mojo? You've been DMing me nonstop, but nada about this. What gives? What else did Simplet slip? That you had fruit lady debond y'all without consent? Also, he told fruit lady that y'all found 2.0. You know that, right? Why are you even here? Because you seem stressed, honey. This whole 2.0 project, it's too much for you. Let me take it from here. Time I met 2.0. Cut to. Hollister pacing like he's waiting for a child to be born. Simp is over it. Oh man, I'm so nervous. That's why you've been hiding here, isn't it? How dare you? I ran to protect my pals. I'm a hero. You're selfish. Your destiny is to save everyone, not just your pals. Hollister looks unconvinced. Look, head girl boss is all right. Does not Galadriel know what you're up to? Here's the 101 on being a man. You ready? Here it is. Be standing, like always. Forever, just all the time. Simp tries to take Hollister's sword away from him, but Hollister's like, yoink, too slow. Simp is all whatever, doesn't matter. Head girl boss isn't gonna be scared of a sword anyway. And off Hollister goes to meet head girl boss. Hollister says some fancy stuff, bows, being all respectful and shit. Oh, look who's doing what he's been told. Okay, okay, what else did Simp prep you with? He said you're not what you seem. Most people are not, brah. Gotta keep that shit close to the vest, if you know what I'm saying. But today, we're dishing the dirt. And then what? Cut to, gambler agitated, regretting ditching his pal, presumably. Gets knocked down, rut roe. Trinity's come to see him. Is this a dream? Gets up and goes outside and sees the fleet. Gambler is shooketh. Cut to, donuts being fried in agriba. Me and girl princess are wandering around, bickering. This time you listen to me and do exactly as I say. The fuck I will. Cut to, the Mordsith and their trainees, including Cliff. Pacifiers are apparently mandatory. Cliff's Mordsith threatens her, then we cut to. Cougar's roommate's friend gushing about libraries and sneaking her some contraband. Why do you need a Hagrid map of the city? I too always explain things to a person when I'm giving them the thing that they asked for and they know what it is. Say what the thing is. Fruit Lady and her simps are watching and judging. Fruit Lady says that she doesn't want them to separate cause there might be bad, bad guys in the city. So naturally, simp one immediately wanders off. Simp two, meanwhile, has worked out that red seems to be missing. Very suspicious. Cut to, red visiting Nacoladriel's sister. Red smirks evilly at Nacoladriel's portrait. Cut to, Nacoladriel being abusive to simp again. I have a question. After you lost your mojo, did you ever think about unaliving yourself? Are you for real? No fucking way. 2.0 business is way too important. Knew it. You're ruining everything. Now what isn't head girl boss telling me? Gotta trust somebody, girly. If not me, then her. Cut to, head girl boss running holster through some onboarding questions. Listen, you're gonna keep mojoing. It's just a fact. What if I don't wanna? Well, tough. That doesn't seem fair. You know what the rules say I gotta do if I find 2.0? Demojo him? Lamal, no. How are we gonna fight the Uber baddie if we do that? Nah, we're just supposed to incarcerate you. Use you. Control you. Uh, not cool. He starts mojoing. Well, don't play with me, child. You're pathetic. It would've been way better if you turned out to be a girl. A thing that could definitely have been the case. Cut to, Cliff adjusting to pacify our life. The others are showing off their teen building exercises. Then it's Cliff's turn. Her mornzith gives her a bit of a pep talk and then starts sucking mojo out of Cliff. Cliff seems a bit miffed by this, but then their little training exercise very much overperforms. Cut to, Hagrid wandering around Agrabah. Mean girl grabs Hagrid. They catch up, then Hagrid notices princess and kneels. Ugh, get up. Don't encourage her. Encourage her being the thing that she is? Have you seen Cliff? Oh boy, bad news. Mean girl and princess confirm whatever plan it is that they made is a go. Cut to, Gambler watching insurance guy whittling. You ever had trouble sleeping? Uh, what? I do. I lie there, thinking about everyone, hurting the universe, stuff. You about to fuck me or kill me? Honestly, either way, could you just shut the fuck up? I have a gift for you. Magic tea. Great. Cut to, the desert. Wife-less Chani and Doggo trekking along. They run into another Fremen, and then there were four, until they come upon another Fremen standing over a grave. The new girls start beating up Chani. Wildless is ready to intervene, but they're all like, Nabra, don't even think about it. Doggo is very upset by the whole affair. Cut to, Gambler having magic tea. Seems to have fucked him up. He starts tripping, sees his mean mom, himself unalived, himself being on bully, and then just collapses and screams at himself. Cut to, knock-a-la-drill and simp, interrupting Hollister's onboarding sash. Let him go. No can do. We tried our way. Time we did things by the book. The Reds will de-mojo him. Nah. Yuh-huh. I was supposed to find him. You were supposed to make us popular. Well, I found him. Okay, but you were supposed to be with him, in case he started losing it, but whoops, you lost your mojo. You fucked up and you're being stubborn. We're gonna go public with a bunch of girlbosses on board. Make sure he's prepped. Cut to, Hollister feeling woozy. What happened? Being blocked from mojo. Don't worry, it's temporary. Anyway, head girlboss said you were planning to leave. Where to? Agrabah to rescue Cliff. Trinity showed you that, huh? I know, I know, it's a trap. But why there? 2.0's supposed to go public there. Gotcha. They want to announce me before they kill me. Well, bet they're not happy with me being here. Cut to, Knuckleadriel's sis hosting Red. Apparently she's here to see nephew, which is news to mom. Why are you here? To deliver an order. What does boss man want? Ah, done, done, done. Remove her. But she's my aunt. Did I stutter? Oh, and if your mom catches on, get her too. Get a shot of Red's heels. Do we pan to a weird medallion on the wall? Zoom? Ah, shit, mom was listening using the super obvious spy intercom. Cut to, insurance guy reviving Gambler. You get it now. Gambler is shooketh. Insurance guy continues monologuing and brooding, wishing for death, blah, blah, blah. Cut to, Hollister in the desert. Guess he got free? Oh, it's a Trinity dream. I need your help. I know. So you're going to help? Isn't not Galadriel with you? Can't she help? Maybe she will. Adorable. Look, you're going to help me or what? Cut to, Trinity burning the whole city. Much boom, very fire. Cut to, Fruit Lady and her simps with simp prime. So is it true? Is bad lady back? 2.0's back? Man, I miss farm life. So there. Did you think in the end times we'd be facing an army of kittens? Okay, I paraphrase a lot, but the army of kittens, that was really in there. Cut to, fake 2.0 being weird and crazy. Simp has come to visit him. Still waiting on your boss lady to keep her under the deal. You know, I'm the deal where if he helps her out, then she'll help him unalive himself. You know, that great deal. I can do one better. Give some a key. Fake 2.0 looks unimpressed. You can see the mojo pattern. What do you see when you're looking at Galadriel? The desperate bitch, Lamael. I'm trying to help you, dude. But I guess you're crazy and staying crazy. I'm crazy? How about the dude asking for help from the dude he locked up? Simp's had enough. Starts to leave. There's mojo on her. Simp is interested. From a dude. It's basically a mojo stray jacket. Fruit lady interrupts to tell them that Trinity is burning down the city. Cut to, Trinity burning down the city. Cut to, desert where Chani seems all better after her beating. So you're all good now, you three? Yeah, I did my um... She rattles off some gibberish. Wifeless tries to understand and interpret the gibberish. But Chani changes the subject. Your ring. It means you're owned by a lady. Uh, kinda. And you can't do the nasty with anyone but her? Bam, sucks. The Fremen stop to stare at the night filter that they've put over their daytime view of the desert. Chani holds out her hand in a vague sort of, huh, gesture? Which apparently is their sign for... This is all water. How? Cut to, Mean Girl and Princess examining the metal thing that they unlocked with mojo last episode. Mean Girl stops one of the Mord-Sith. You like my new, gotcha! Princess knocks her out. Go team! Cut to, Cliff fixing her braid. Damn, why did I delete that clip of Ron? Shoulda known I'd need it again. She needs to sell out her priorities. Her Mord-Sith brings her a water bowl. She's gonna give her a nice, not creepy sponge bath. I realized why you're so difficult. It's cause you don't get it. Our leader, she's trying to bring the world together so we can all fight uberbatty. I will kill you. Ugh! She storms off. Cliff is very proud of herself and goes back to braiding her hair. Cut to, Nephew checking with the servant to make sure that mom was roofied as requested. But it's a trap! Mom locks him in the room. Why? No, you don't understand. I was doing it for you. Listen, I'm about to be king and you're gonna mess that up for what? For not gladrial? She de-gaffs about you. He's making some ballot points. Listen, I know, but counterpoint, you're on Team Bad Guy. You can't tell anyone. Well, I did. Mom! Cut to, knuckleadrial and Hollister chilling. Hooger's roomie pops by to get rid of the gal that's been keeping Hollister's mojo on lockdown. I'll take it from here. And sets him free. Then she tells the audience, I mean, she tells knuckleadrial and Hollister about why she needed that Hagrid map that we saw her get earlier. See, there's a secret way to escape. The whole team is there. Simp, Fruit Lady, her simps, Cougar's roomie, knuckleadrial, Hollister. They stand around staring at each other meaningfully for a while before Simp remembers that they should probably get a move on. Let's go. Everything is burning. People are freaking out. It's a big mess. But who cares? Our heroes are able to escape. Head girl boss and her staff have decided they should probably like do something about the whole city being on fire. So they get up on the roof and call down some mojo rain. So now that everything is destroyed, it can be damp as well. The lady that was guarding Hollister shows up and is all you wanted to see me, which tips head girl boss off that he's escaping. Cut back to knuckleadrial and Hollister escaping. Gotta use your mojo. No, knuckleadrial is gonna do it. Oh, not this. Look at knuckleadrial. Not with your eyes, but with your mojo. Hollister stares frownily. Looks like a knot. Impossible. Oh, contraire, mon frère. Can I interest you in some exposition? Oh, shit. You mean I can get my mojo back? Okay, so what do I do? You can't bet. And then knuckleadrial experiences feeling. Then she mojos the fuck out of that wall, parting it like the Red Seas. She's back, baby. Bam! Head girl boss attacks Hollister, then simp. Close that gate. Knuckleadrial doesn't. You lied about losing your mojo. Nah. You failed, okay? Accept it and let the professionals handle it. Nope. But you mojo swore to do what I say. Close the gate. And then knuckleadrial gets puppeteered by the mojo? Okay, I thought a mojo swear was like, there would be mojo-enforced consequences to not keeping your word, not that it would like make you keep your word. Knuckleadrial and head girl boss stare meaningfully at each other until Trinity shows up. Ah, shit. Head girl boss tries to fight her, but Trinity just knocks her down, easy peasy. Trinity goes for knuckleadrial but Hollister is like over my dead body. Trinity's into it. And then Trinity reopens the gate and simp and knuckleadrial follow. But it's like very emotional for head girl boss and knuckleadrial, which brings us to the final episode, episode eight, what was meant to be. As is tradition with the season finale, we open on a mega flashback 3,000 years ago. Again, as is tradition, everyone is speaking gibberish. 1.0 is mojo trapping the baddies. Insurance guy is trying to talk him out of it, but 1.0 taunts him about his immortality cause he knows that's a sore subject with him. Cut to smoky, hazy, misty nothingness. The KKK has found an oasis where they can hold their war council. That young dude that helped Wifeless a few episodes ago, generic white dude, I think was his name, is being a real negative Nancy about their plans to generic white guy senior. Do you think the prophecy is true? 2.0 will return. We splice in some footage of Hollister on his way to make it true. Nah. Cut to Trinity guiding them on the dark Siri paths. Their pace would best be described, I think as lackadaisical. Trinity tells her to open the gate with her mojo. Actually insurance guy took away my mojo. I love the way you say stuff that's technically true. Adorbs, simp gets all protective. Don't get it twisted. You're alive cause I let you be. So don't fuck with me. Then Trinity opens the gate herself and shoves Nakala drill and simp through and they land in Hawaii and then back to Trinity and Hollister. Hollister is not pleased about this trend of events. Don't you get it? They're just using you. They don't care about you like I do. Cut to Agrabah where Wifeless and the Fremen are on their way. That doesn't belong here. We pan over in theory to see what she's looking at but the camera remains focused on the back of Wifeless's head. And so the thing that she is looking at is in the distance and still out of focus. Very helpful of them to get that shot of his head for us. The Fremen are talking ominously about how things are gonna be when they get to the city. Wifeless gets worried. So in the middle of the bone, dry, hot desert, sun beating down on them, he tells Dogo to stay right there. Cause I guess roasting to death in the sun is safer. Whatever dude. Cut to, insurance guys surveying the city from on high. Trinity drops by for a visit to gloat about bringing Hollister. Insurance guy is not happy. Says they aren't ready yet. Trinity's all pitch posh. Now later. Who cares? What will be will be. It's too soon. He's not gonna pick our team. Oh, I think he might. I told him I'd help him kill you. Gee, thanks. Cut to, hazy white nothingness. KKK Junior League is apparently causing it. In order to hide the army. My favorite thing about the snoggy haze is the way that it doesn't just hide things from view. It also dampens noise because they do not hear the army galloping towards them, like at all. And once they do spot them, it's apparently not enough time for them to drop the one tiny pork callus they have. So they all just ride right on in. Cut to, mean girl cosplaying as a Mord's Sith. It suits her honestly. Cut to, Cliff and her Mord's Sith. They're getting gussied up for battle. Mord's Sith warns Cliff that disobeying is all well and good, but if she does it during battle, bye-bye tongue. And then psych chops her braid off instead. Oh damn, this means war. Cut to, insurance guy telling salesman that Trinity betrayed them, shares some exposition about the wheel and darkness, blah, blah, blah. Cut to, gambler getting a visit from salesman who brings him that super sus dagger. Cut to, mean girl torturing the Mord's Sith. Princess is not cool with this, but mean girl's really getting into it. Cut to, Agrabah preparing its defenses. Hollister incognito with his desert hoodie. Spots Cliff with her new hairdo. Cut to, gambler and salesman discussing the sus dagger. What, you think I'm an idiot? Aw, I don't be like that about it. Look at it as a good thing. Lol, no. And then salesman leaves gambler with the dagger, alone with temptation. Gambler starts twitching immediately. Cut to, no collagial and simp in Hawaii. So, we back together? You wanna be? I never didn't. You're just scared of being vulnerable with me. I get it. And I admit, when you said we weren't equals, I was butt hurt by that, but I get it now. And I want you to know that I've embraced my role as glorified sidekick. I'm good with it. Wow, okay, well, if we're confessing stuff, the reason I said we weren't equals, and remember I can't lie, is cause actually, you're better. Take me back. Swirls some bojo around them. This takes a while. Cut to, the fremen in agriba using sign language so that wife-less won't understand. Rude. They run into Hagrid. Honestly, the whole situation is pretty chill, considering they're under attack. Hagrid's got the horn and he makes some speech about them all being heroes. Very aw, go team. Cut to, Mord sits and their pacifiers. Cut to, random towns people being slaughtered. Cut to, Mord sits attacking. Cliff being confused. Cut to, KKK casually walking and shouting orders. Cliff glares at them and releases some angry mojo at them. Add a girl. Cut to, boss-mannered basket case, having a chat about the situation. But aw, shit, Hollister's here. Boss-man flots his manny as he preps for taking Hollister mono-a-mono. I feel like those nails would really get in the way of a sword fight, but whatever. Hollister's wasting no time. Instantly resorts to mojo and just kills all of them. Well, almost all. There's this one guy that he misses, but that guy doesn't wanna get left out, so he just unalives himself. Hollister has the same vacant mouth open expression as always, so it's hard to say how he feels about having just slaughtered a bunch of people, but he casually walks past all the bodies as he makes his way to the door. Cut to, wifeless, feminine crew sneaking around. Eyeliner guy decides that he wants to be a martyr. It's very emotional. Cut to, Hawaii. Nakaladriel already charging ahead, leaving simped, eater dust. They really are back to business as usual, huh? Why did Trinity get woken up? Well, back in 1.0's day, these folks, they were all besties, so it makes sense, I guess. Kinda like our village peeps. Ah, fuck. Nakaladriel spots a tower. I think I know where we are. Trinity planned this. Okay, Captain Obvious, what gave it away? The fact that she chose a specific gate and then decided to push you out of it? Cut to, Agrabah, under siege. Outlander is back and is confused about seeing Trinity. So through their very natural sounding dialogue, we learned that she was actually the source of that broken rock that he was trying to sell to Nakaladriel in the beginning of this season. So I think I can get our hands on some more of that stuff, a whole lot actually, unbroken. I mean, great, but we can't sell it if we're dead. Oh, we're not selling it. You're gonna dump it all in the ocean. But they're worth a fortune? And then Trinity pulls out the teeniest little coinverse. Oh, I'll make it worth your while. All I'm saying is that powder to better be full of magic diamonds. Cut to, a lizard. Mohawk is having a fit about being left on the sidelines during all the action. Insurance guy learns from them that boss man is dead. The horn is gone. He is not happy. Cut to, gambler, still twitching. Starts taking apart the furniture so that he can create a pole that knocks the dagger off the table with it and then ties the dagger to the pole to make an evil spear. Ingenious loophole. Salesman is dismayed. Gambler stays a bit too long gloating and then has to run away. Cut to, city getting wrecked. Cliff is worried. Again, but Cliff spits out her pacifier. So Mord Sith pulls out her dagger. I mean, she did warn you that this would cost you a tongue. Cut to, people generally suffering and dying. Cut to, mean girl and princess stinkin' through the chaos with their Mord Sith prisoner. Cut to, Cliff about to get punished when, boom, saved by the trebuchet. Cut to, KKK killing more people, screams, dying, et cetera. Cut to, main girl getting grazed by the arrow that kills their prisoner, but princess gets one in the leg. Cut to, the Mord Sith's being buried in rubble. Cliff is the only survivor. That's lucky. Oh wait, her Mord Sith also survived because of course she did. Cut to, wifeless and crew walking very slowly with the uber important horn. They sense danger and see someone running at them, but inexplicably don't shoot him. And it's lucky they don't cause it turns out to be gambler. And then the enemy runs at them. Cut to, Cliff getting blamed for the destruction. Cliff is like, cool. Mord Sith immediately starts torturing Cliff, but Cliff snaps a collar on Mord Sith. Well, well, well, how the turntables. Idiot, these only work on mojo users. Allow me to explain. You are a mojo user, just a really, really shitty one. Ooh, Cliff is in charge now and it is time for payback. Mord Sith finds the energy to let the audience know that Cliff is feeling everything, that the Mord Sith is feeling so that we can appreciate how metal it is that Cliff is taking it on the chin. Mord Sith finally releases Cliff and Cliff chokes her to death. Damn, these kids really are choosing the dark side. And then Hollister shows up just in time to do nothing. Cut to, fighting and dying, lots of property damage. Cut to, wifeless, gambler, and Hagrid still trying to come up with something useful to do. Cut back to, Cliff and Hollister. You're dead though? I came to save you, but I guess you're good. Sorry. Whatever, insurance guy appears. Uh-oh, he tosses Cliff, then Hollister, like ragdolls. Cut to, the fleet, sending mojo to trap Hollister. Insurance guy starts monologuing as he does, comparing Hollister to 1.0. Back to, the fleet. Back to, insurance guy monologuing, taunting Hollister about his choices. Cut to, gambler using the evil dagger to open the horn box. That horn is ugly as shit. Hope it was worth the trouble. Gambler runs off to get at the Hollister while his pals fight off the enemy and wifeless is reunited with generic white guy. Cut to, gambler running. Cut to, princess struggling. Mean girl being useless. Cut to, people running. Back to, princess soothing mean girl who's really stressed about healing her. Back to, wifeless fighting the Kankankay. Doggo to the rescue. Doggo gets axed and we get to watch it dying. Fuck this show. Cut to, wifeless charging into rage, kill the dude that killed Doggo, as he should. Cut to, gambler literally running into an army that was just waiting. Gambler blows the horn, is he allowed to do that? And then everyone and everything freezes or it's in slow-mo now? I remember the misty ghosties of the dead people appear behind him. Aw, they stand and chat for a bit, no rush. Gambler screams some gibberish and then the magical handful of dead folks starts charging at the soldiers. I gotta say, the horn didn't summon all that many. I mean, this is no army of the dead coming to save Gondor or anything. Cut to, generic white guy, finding wifeless killed his dad. I sense the blood feud. Back to, gambler wrapping up with his ghosties. Cut to, mean girl still struggling with the whole healing thing. Pull it together, you literally have one job. Mean girl pushes the arrow entirely through princesses thigh and then princess is able to just like limp along with her arm around mean girl like it was a sprained ankle. I would have thought there would be blood gushing but mean girl needs help with rescuing Cliff so she needs princess. So she's gotta drag her along. Cut to, insurance guy asking Hollister if he'll join their side. Okay, if that was your sales pitch, it needs work. No, never. You're a lot like 1.0, it's true. Gambler shows up and throws his spear at insurance guy so hard that it goes through him and into Hollister. Look at that, the prophecy came true. He did stab Hollister. Insurance guy is standing to the side watching cause that was- It's my illusion. Somebody saw last Jedi and took notes. Cliff steps up while Hollister is dying. Nah, girly, I'm out of your league. Bet and mojo shield activates. Cut to, not Galadriel and Simp still strolling on the beach. They see some business happening in the distance. Not Galadriel has determined that they are shielding Hollister with mojo and Simp is like literally how did you figure that out from here? Also, other people might be in danger. I don't care about other people. I only care about Hollister. 10-4, and off Simp goes to single-handedly fight all the other people so that not Galadriel can send good vibes to Hollister. Back to insurance guy firebombing Cliff's shield. She is not doing too great. WifeList shows up just in time with a snazzy shield of his own. The gals start healing Hollister. He sees princess and is like, what? It's very aerial, singing over nearly drowned Eric. You gotta do something. Cut to, not Galadriel, vibing. Cut to, fleet getting wrecked by mojo. Cliff gets her second wind and gets the shield back up. Hollister feeling good as new steps up to finally do something and stabs insurance guy through the heart and gets a fun burn scar as a souvenir. Insurance guy honestly seems pretty relieved about the whole thing. Cut to, not Galadriel, still vibing until Simp is like, you can stop now. Not Galadriel murmurs the prophecy about 2.0 going public and decides to make it true. Hollister steps up for his Daenerys Targaryen moment. The people cheer. The Fremen are like, Moa Deeb. Hollister and his crew line up for the album cover and Hagrid's just happy to be here. Cut to, Trinity looking pleased as punch until she sees someone playing cat's cradle in her room. She lets Trinity know that all the baddies are set free and then Trinity gets trapped. Cradle offers us some season three teaser exposition about this fresh crop of baddies and Trinity seems pretty worried about it so yeah, I'm stressed. And I can't wait for season three to get here and tell me all about the things that will be happening to these characters as they continue their quest to not die.