 expose and uncover. And the more that you uncover, the more layers you take off, the more intense the rages. It's almost like that this whole world was made to cover over the rage, to minimize the rage, to dilute the rage, to deflect away and distract away from the rage. And the more you go on the spiritual journey, it's like hatred, intense fury, hatred, intense rage, and it's like, and that's why, you know, a lot of times the mind can seem to just shut off and say, okay, I don't care how long I was on this spiritual journey, I don't care how many books I read and I don't care all the exercises and how many times I meditated, if you had told me that I was going to hit that much rage and self-hatred, I would have never gone, I would have never peeled off the first layer, I would have never tried to do the first forgiveness lesson if I knew that I'd have to go and face that. It's like facing a beast that the whole cosmos was made to hide. And so without mighty companions, without lots of miracles, without lots of mind training to prepare yourself, you don't want to go and face that beast. You will just find yourself hurled back, like, you know, if you have any kind of pride about how great your spiritual journey has been, you know, the beast is saying, come to papa, come on into this cave and let's just see how your miracles are doing here. And that's extremely disillusioning. That's why people just run. They flee quickly in the other way and they just, let's just get back to the way that it was. But you can't really go back. I mean, the further you get down and the more you expose, you start to realize that there is no going back. And then you really have to have to have to trust here. I'm not going to face that beast without trust, really trust in the Holy Spirit. You could forget trust in people at some point. Trust in appearances is like, okay, Holy Spirit, I'm in with you and we're going all the way and I know you're with me, you know. There's a workbook lesson in the course where Jesus says, who walks with me? You know, that question could be asked a thousand times a day and a thousand more after that. Who walks with me? You better have the Holy Spirit with you for this journey because you're not going to get past the beast, release the beast without that. So, so then we took it just to take a look at rage. So, so what is it that's raging? Really, what is it that's raising? Is Christ raging? No, Christ isn't raging. The ego is raging at God. If you want it straight, that's what's going on. It's not a personal rage. It's not Tom's rage or David's rage. It's not the mask. It's the ego that's, it's not the personality self that's raging. It's the ego that's raging at God. And then as you get closer to the ego, which is kind of buried down in the mind, like, like a, just like when you get a splinter stuck in your skin, you know, it's just, it's irritating and it's annoying. And when you actually go after it, it can be quite painful to get it out of there. Well, it's the same when you go down towards the ego and you uncover it, you're uncovering its rage at God. In fact, what it did was it invented its own God, because it doesn't know the real God. You know, perfect love casts out fear. That's why the ego can never know God, because the ego was made as a defense against God. But the closer you go and the closer you come to it, you just feel its rage and fury and it invents its own God. And it's not surprising why we had so many millions and millions and millions of atheists in this world. It's really not that surprising. It would almost be predictable that the ego then invents its own God. And who would want to know that God? You know, some of these Old Testament is pretty dark. It's like, whoa, you know, would I want to know God? I mean, I went through that when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and I would visit him every day. And I watched him, I just adored him. And I watched him go down to his skin and bones and turn into like a walking skeleton. And then I watched him, you know, because he had such pain, you know, they thought he might try to harm himself. So they had strapped down in his hospital bed like an animal in a trap. And I could watch his eyes, his angry eyes and, oh, his humor was gone and his joy and his sweetness and gentleness. And he was just indignant. I had to watch that. And that scene brought up a lot of anger for me. In fact, you know, I left the hospital really furious at God, really angry. And I just really gave it to God too. You know, if you had anything to do with what I just witnessed, I'll have nothing to do with you ever. I was on the road to atheism. It's like, he thinks thou protest too much. You're talking to something that doesn't exist. I will not have anything to do with you. I won't have lunch with you. It's my big threat. But what it came down to was, you know, after I've raised and raised and raised, then I did hear this small still voice say, oh, my beloved child, I had nothing to do with what you perceived. You know, you're looking through a darkened glass, and I want to heal your mind. I want to show you the way. I want to guide you to the light. It was so gentle. God doesn't have an ego. God doesn't take offense. You know, all this stuff about don't take the Lord's name in vain, and like your own, you swear, and you use God's name. And it's like, where's the lightning bolt going to come in? You know, it's really great when you get past that. And I tell the story of a friend of mine, Christina, one time who was on a trip with me, and we were going up to San Bernardino Mountains, and she just started raging at God, just really letting God have it with both barrels of the shotgun, just ripping God, ripping God. I was driving, and I was laughing. That was the scene to a point where she kind of had let so much venom out, spewing out in the volcanic ashes, flying everywhere. It was like, I said, what triggered all this? And she said that she had been, maybe about 10 years prior to that, had been reading a book by Ram Dass called Be Here Now. And she had a mystical experience when reading the book. I said, that's wonderful. Where's the rage in that? She said, I haven't had another mystical experience for the last 10 years. God is withholding on me. You see, it's still the projection. Is it God giveth, and he takes it away, and he withholds. And if that was God, well, you'd have good reason to be angry. But it's just that the ego has invented its own God, and it's part of another trick to make God be a certain way, and then to rebel and revolt. We continued on to our destination. After that whole release, she had a mystical experience the next morning. It was by exposing the rage that she gave her mind permission to experience the mysticism, the light. She was able to be right in it. The next morning, she was smiling from ear to ear. And you see the whole point of it is in the exposing. So we're not really supposed to be afraid of the rage. You know, it's like, you know, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. We aren't supposed to fear the fear. We're not supposed to fear the rage. We have to allow it to come up. And that's where commitment to the purpose comes in. That's where the mighty companions come in. Even when you seem to not be able to face it on your own, to have those that seemingly are there just symbols of those who have walked through it and have not died. They have not been swallowed by the rage. You know, they are testimony to the love that is beyond the rage, and they are testimony to the feeling and to the experience that you can let that self-hatred come up and it will not kill you. In fact, Jesus says, until you're willing to look upon the full extent of your own self-hatred, you will not be willing to let it go.