 Well, we're gonna talk about some red flags some more in this topic called more red flags, mostly unavailable men tell women. So as I was preparing for this broadcast today, I was watching a video, actually it was a gamer's video, a guy named Destiny, kind of an interesting character my son turned him on to. And he was being interviewed about relationships and he made the comment, reminded me of the phrase that Chris Rock always talks about. If you're not familiar with Chris Rock, the comedian, he has this phrase that says, in the dating practice, most people show up as their ambassador of their best selves, as their ambassador of their best selves. In other words, most people on the early stage of dating put their best foot forward. And you really don't know a person until, actually what was interesting about what the gamer says, you really don't know a person until you've actually lived with them. Think about that. You really, like, you know, and the reason why I say this is you really, I mean, until you've actually spent a significant amount of time with someone over a period of time, you really don't know they, how they operate in their daily life. And what's so fascinating to me today is people will hop into relationships and it's not even happening into relationships. They hop into bed with people they barely know. They barely have any sense of who this person is. And when I think of the relationships of my circle of friends that seem to be in healthy, happy relationships, people that met in the last half decade or so, almost all of them, their average time spent together during the process of dating was on average a three or four day, three or four times a week. That was their average. And at least if you're not living with someone, if you're averaging three or four times a week, you can actually get to know someone a lot better. In fact, you know my rhetoric that I share frequently is it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time, face to face time just to get to the first layer of trust. And let's assume trust is like a 10 step ladder. You're just at the first step. And this is why it's, I don't wanna say it surprises me or shocks me because nothing surprises me or shocks me anymore, but I'm actually rather flabbergasted how easily people will get into bed with each other with whom they don't know. So I was watching another podcast today, talked about if you hand somebody a loaded gun, if you hand somebody a loaded gun, you always have to assume the gun, excuse me, let me rewind that, I screwed up. If somebody hands you a gun, that's what I meant to say, hands you a gun, you always have to assume it's loaded even if the person who's handing you the gun says this is unloaded gun, you still check and then you check again and you check again, you might check six times just to be certain, certain, certain, certain because the last thing you want to have is an accidental shooting which relate to a tragedy. Well, I'm here to say in the dating process, we have to, if you are meeting a total stranger, then you cannot blindly assume trust. You cannot blindly assume trust. In other words, you cannot blindly assume that there's no bullet in the gun. And yet today, people are cavalierly dating and ladies in particular date from a place of blind trust. Now what's interesting, I was watching another podcast that had an FBI profiler on there that profiles serial killers, serial rapists, serial murders, like I said, killers or whatnot, criminals and such. And what was interesting is that humans, she said something that humans just naturally trust people. We typically blindly trust people. And if you think about that, and by the way, let me be clear about something in the dating process. I'm not suggesting to start the dating process from a place of mistrust, okay? I'm not suggesting that. And at the same time, a lot of clues are given in the early dating process that causes us to maybe go, you know what, maybe this is something I should be asking better questions. And that's what a red flag is all about. It's about going, hmm, something doesn't seem right. I better ask, I should be asking better questions. The problem is if people are showing up as their ambassador and their best selves and you really don't know a person, oftentimes many cases women can get bulldozed into a sexual relationship. And I don't mean that, I say bulldoze in the love bombing sense, in the coming on strong sense. I don't mean in the physical bulldozing sense. So it's important to really pay attention to the clues, especially in the early stage of dating. Now, I think part of the problem women have, and please, I don't mean this with disrespect, but you bought into the Disney fantasy, you bought into movies like The Pride and Prejudice, you know, and I was thinking about Pride and Prejudice, and if you really think about it, because everybody likes the emotionally unavailable man, Darcy, who comes after Kira Knightley and professes his love, right? Well, you know what's interesting? In that movie, did you know that women basically had to parade themselves around men because the men literally chose women literally based on property, on what they can provide and it depended on how attractive they were and how cultured they were, and they had to parade around and the women, the most attractive women got the best men and the other women had to settle for whatever they could get. The one woman had to settle for that annoying priest, okay? Well, why would you want to emulate? Why would that be your ideal of what a relationship should be like? And let's just not forget that Darcy knew Kira Knightley for about a nanosecond and he professed his love. Today we would call that love bombing, we would call that coming on strong. So I think this indoctrination and what's happened is I think a lot of you forget, this idea that you want a traditional relationship, but I think a lot of you forget back in the fifties, which is where a lot of traditional ideology comes from, as well as the movies like the Pride and Prejudice and the notebook and that sort of thing. But if we go back to the fifties, there were two fundamental differences that existed during the fifties that don't exist today and it's why it's so important to pay attention to the red flags because what existed back in the fifties, at least here in the United States, was two things that was so different than today. And the first thing is what I call tribe accountability, tribe accountability. And what that meant was when you typically met people back in the fifties, you met people in the town or village or city you lived in and everybody knew each other. You were practically part of a tribe. And if one person hurt another person, there was some accountability back. You know, I'm your big brother. I always say I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date, I'd have my shotgun out, point it at the guy's head and saying, what are your intentions with my sister? Well, that's what we had back in the fifties was tribe accountability and you felt safe because most everybody wasn't a stranger back in that point in time. So you had that level of safety, that level of trust that doesn't exist in the same sense today because we're meeting total strangers, meeting total strangers most of the time. It is so rare these days that two people are dating because they actually know each other. So it's important to recognize this. And the second thing that doesn't exist today as in the past is the barrier, excuse me, the entry level to sex is almost non-existent. The entry level of the sex, by the way, think about in the fifties, the entry level of the sex was the man had to make a commitment. I mean, a man had to make a commitment, marry you and then agree to provide for you, talk about a heavy duty level of commitment he had to make just to get laid for the most part. Now there's certainly plenty of instances where people are having sex before marriage, but for the most part back then, there wasn't the heavy duty, repetitive dating. The average woman probably back in the fifties had one man that they've ever been with physically, maybe two, and I don't mean kissing, I'm talking about sexually. I mean, it was so rare to have multiple, multiple partners. And today now, the guys disappear if they haven't had sex with you by the sixth date. I was looking at a survey where it's saying most men lose interest for a woman if they haven't had sex by the fourth or fifth date. They had literally no, there was no need of commitment. So this is why if you want to be in a fully committed relationship, if you want something a little bit more substantial, then you're gonna have to go past the surface and start paying attention to, excuse me, the red flags that exist. So, I wanna just take a look at my notes, make sure I didn't miss anything here. And by the way, before I share the red flags really quickly, one of the things I teach in my private coaching, by the way, you can click the link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you, is I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity. I teach you how to vet men who are genuinely serious based on your personality. So again, if you want some help in this area, check out the link below. So these red flags, what I'm about to share is these are the red flags that happen usually between the first and 10th date arena, although some of them can linger on past that. But if you're hearing any of these, these are glaring red flags that you should be paying attention to. And I'm gonna do more videos on red flags. I've got a series of videos, red flag signs, red flag phrases, that sort of thing. So let's put on my trusty glasses. Bum, bum, bum, we're gonna pull up my notes. And the one that's funny, again, I said, if these happen between the first and 10th date, period of time, or even a little bit later. So you have to recognize that in the early stage of dating, men oftentimes experience what's known as lust or limerence. Limerence, and limerence means extreme infatuation. So when you feel a real chemical rush with another human being, that's why it's called chemistry because dopamine is being released from the brain into the body that says, I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you. And it mixed that with testosterone and a little oxytocin, a little serotonin, it's a chemical cocktail that makes you want to go after a person. And this is highly attractive to women. You guys love this because all you have to do is sit in your feminine energy because he's coming on strong. Although, how often when a guy comes on strong and he goes, I want a relationship, I want a relationship because she's just sitting back in her feminine, I'm gonna claim her. So the first phrase that a guy, this isn't in any order, but if you ever hear the words, I love you, right from the get go, first, second, third, fourth, fifth, date, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th date, that's a big glaring red flag. Because in my mind, in my world, I love you means the following. I'm here, you matter, we're important. I've got your back, I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm here means I'm present. You matter means that you matter as much as I matter to myself. We are important means this is a separate entity, this relationship I'm gonna treat it as such. I've got your back, I've got your back. That means, look, I'm your partner. This is a team effort. I got your back. If you need me, I'm gonna be there. I'm not going anywhere means I'm fully committed to this relationship and I only want you means I only wanna fuck your brains out on a regular basis. And until you actually can feel that someone treats you in that capacity, the words I love you oftentimes are just coming from lust or limerence and it's not coming from a rooted place. So that's the first red flag we're gonna talk about. The second red flag we're gonna talk about and again, this is in the early stage of dating when someone says, I've never experienced this before. You're the only one I've experienced this. Folks, I've said this before, literally, you know, hours before I had sex and I don't know why, but as soon as I copulated, I ejaculated, excuse me, all of a sudden all those feelings were gone because no real trust was built between us. No real connection was built between us because not because the sex came easy to me has nothing to do with it. You can have sex on the first date and still get married. It's just if you don't build a real deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests spending time with family and friends, traveling together. Remember I said earlier, if you really wanna get to know someone you have to live with them, well, that's what it has to feel like before you genuinely get to know someone. So when someone says, I've never experienced this before in the early stages because they're hyped up on the limerence or lust, okay? And the third one that has to do with limerence or lust is when a guy says, that's the best sex I ever had. Now, I know I've said this before, so I'm guilty of this and I've certainly felt like at that time it was the best sex, but here's the thing. That can be a very intoxicating phrase as a woman to hear from a man that this is the best sex, especially if you felt the same way. And that might cause you to have a false sense of intimacy with this man, a false sense of intimacy, a false sense of real commitment when someone says that's the best sex because why would they ever wanna break up with the best sex they've ever had? Because the truth is sex to man doesn't mean as much in the same sense as women. It means to women. Women, men can disconnect from sex, but women, when they give their body to a man, you oftentimes get very attached. That's because a chemical is being released from your body called oxytocin and that bonds you to the guy. And you're bonded to a guy, but he's not bonded to you. So be careful of that phrase. The red flag is more not that he said it, it's more you should be hyper aware that that's a very intoxicating phrase for a man to say, especially if you felt like it was the best sex you guys ever had. Okay, here's one for you ladies. I can't believe how many women still entertain men who are married, but this is for those ones. My wife and I haven't had sex in years. My wife and I haven't had sex in years. Actually, a man doesn't have to be married to say this, a divorced man could say that. And that could create a false sense of connection with you. But certainly if a man said that, who's married, you're thinking, well, I'll be the one to change him. I'll be the one to give him great sex only to have him disappear. That's certainly a red flag. Now, here's one I'll be candid with you. I raised my hand, I'm guilty of this. But if you hear this from a guy, and I'm gonna share my story in a moment, but if you hear this from a guy, it's definitely a red flag. When a guy says, I'm sorry, I left my credit card and wallet at home. This is for that first, second, third, or fourth date. Now, I actually had this happen to me. I was driving, I went to the gym and, no. Yeah, I went to the gym, put my wallet in my gym bag, went home, dropped off my gym bag, and then got dressed and went in the car and drove to my date and I realized, oh, shit, I left my wallet in my gym bag. So I was pulling into a gas station because I needed gas. That's when I noticed it. And I only had like 20 or 30 bucks on me or maybe I had 60 bucks on me and I needed gas. So I put $20 in gas and I called the woman or I texted the woman said, look, and I'm really sorry. I'm about 10 minutes, I was about 10 or 15 minutes away from the date. And I said, look, I got to be upfront with you. I left my wallet at home. Do you want me to, I mean, I can go back home but I'm gonna be about a half hour or two. I was gonna be about 45 minutes late at that point to be able to go all the way back. And she said, no problem, it's okay, we can meet but I called ahead of time because I noticed it when I was at the gas station and she totally understood. I had $40 cash, I contributed, she contributed and we ended up having a nice date didn't go anywhere. But maybe she just rejected me for that. I don't remember what happened. But my point is if a guy does that, that's certainly a red flag. Now, again, there's always the exception to the rule like what I think happened to me but that's certainly maybe something that a red flag, remember a red flag really means ask better questions of yourself. Don't blindly just trust a person. Be a little, not to, I don't want you to have armor. Okay, I don't want you to have walls or borders with guys when there's red flags. What I merely want you to do is step into your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem, have boundaries. If you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? That's what I mean, self-worth, self-reliance, self-esteem. This book is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you can actually come at it from a very confident place. So check out the link below to all the books I recommend my book self-lovethebook.com. Okay, the sixth one, can you send me a sexy lingerie pick? Any guy that does this early on, that's typically a pretty good size red flag. If he says, please send me a sexy lingerie pick. You know what, I'm tired of all these dick picks and lingerie picks and all of this trying to build some level of sexual connection. Folks, I might be a prude but I'm here to say don't, the barrier to, excuse me, the entry level to sex by many of you women are so low. It's easy for men to get sex these days. If you, ladies, if you wanna change the narrative then every woman on the planet today wear a chassis belt for three months and reestablish the baseline so men can't expect it anymore. And I'm saying this a bit tongue in cheek because the reality is is most men and women out there have totally terrible relationship skills and emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my chart, by the way, this is not a fact in this opinion, I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% are relationship skills healthy, that's being generous, most everybody is dysfunctional. And this is why so many of you find yourself actively dating these three types of men. And that is the users, the spenders and the growers and the users are typically the love bomber players. Again, this is not a fact in opinion. And then the spenders want connection, companionship and coupling or sex, but they have no direction. They're totally uncertain to what they want. These are those dysfunctional men I'm talking about. And the growers seek fully committed relationships and are able to take care of someone. So you cannot blindly trust, you cannot blindly think the gun is unloaded, as I said before. And the last one we're gonna share for tonight is the I've gotta work late tonight. Listen, when guys start to say this shit, now there again, there's always the exception, but when you hear that, look it, most guys who genuinely wanna be in relationships with someone can't wait to spend time with them, can't wait to spend time with them. So when this is happening, it's usually because they put you into the maybe zone. The maybe zone, meaning they like some things about you, but I call it the butt zone, B-U-T, comma B-U-T, the butt zone. I like you, but I'm not sure I really like you that enough. I like you, maybe I might wanna explore a relationship, but I maybe don't, you know? And that's what happens in many of these cases. So, by the way, is my, if this is, okay. So anyway, those are just my rough thoughts on the more phrases, emotion, unavailable men say to women, is I love you, I've never experienced this before. This is the best sex I've ever had. My wife and I haven't had sex for years. Sorry, I left my credit card at home. Can you send me a sexy lingerie picture? And lastly, I've gotta work late. These are just some of the many different type of red flags out there. We're gonna do more videos on red flags. My hope is, my hope is you're not experienced this, but more importantly, I hope you really listen to the beginning of this podcast and to remember that the fantasy way of dating doesn't exist anymore. Tribal accountability and waiting for some level of commitment for sex almost seems non-existent. So my invitation for everyone is to learn the skills to determine how to genuinely trust another person instead of blindly trusting a person and be careful of the words they use because oftentimes, as I said before, you really don't know a person until you've lived with them and then you get to see who they really are. So again, I'm a big advocate of spending on average at three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life so you can actually get to know someone at a deeper level which puts the odds in your favor to have a great successful relationship. Is this syncing in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Say yes, Jonathan, this is syncing in. All right, well, that's ended our content portion of this broadcast today. We are now gonna take questions from the audience. This is a live stream and in the chat box, you can write the word question and then post the question there after or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, that's him right there, that's him right there. That's my son who passed away going on four years ago now almost, it's his birthday coming up soon. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those seeking help as well as donating to places like the Hoffman process and Insight seminars just to name the few. We've already donated over $2,000. I think we have a few hundred more in the account. So let's get that account up by purchasing those Super Sticker Super Chat. And if you're listening to the audio portion of this, you won't be able to see any of this. All right, do you have any questions for me? I'd like to hear what you have to say, post the word question or again, purchase that Super Sticker Super Chat. Oh, my coffee mug says, let that shit go. Let that shit go. People are saying, yes. Here, Carrie says, if a man asks for sexy lingerie pick, I will send a pick someone throwing up and saying, this is sexy enough because this is how you make me feel. Oh, I love that, Carrie. This is making me how you feel for sexy lingerie. I love that. Thank you so much. Heather just mentioned a green flag. If you find a guy who says he follows Jonathan and enjoys reading, oh my God, yes. A green flag is a man who says, I will read the book, Eight Dates, by doctors John and Julie Gottenen before the penis ever goes inside the vagina. That's a good one. All right, nurse Nessie says, do you think there's any hope for a fearful avoidant and anxious preoccupied couple? There's always hope, but it's gonna require work. It's gonna require a herculean amount of work. This is why I always recommend people to read the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. This is a great book to helping heal oneself. I'm a big proponent of men and women like doing the work so they can actually be prepared to have a healthy happy relationship. Again, if you have a question for me, write the word question or post the question thereafter. And you're more than welcome to ask me a personal question by writing personal question and then post the question thereafter. Looks like we have a bashful group here tonight, which means we're gonna end rather soon if I don't get some questions in the hopper. Janet says, absolutely yes. One time a man asked me for photos, I sent him an anatomy picture of breasts. That's funny. Well, folks, looks like we don't have a lot of questions coming in today. So I think this might be a great place to wrap up today. Oh, here's a personal question from Nurse Nessie. Is personal question, is dating just as miserable for men as it is for women? So I was watching a YouTube video the other day from a workshop of men, roughly about 100 men, relatively young men. I think they were all in their late 20s, early 30s and it was a confidence-building workshop. And there was basically, and there were two guys on the hot seat right from the get-go. And the workshop leader was trying to help them build confidence through their authentic self. And I gotta tell you, these two guys were scared to death. I mean, their capacity to truly be vulnerable, authentic and transparent was almost non-existent. And I was just, I was practically, these guys were practically in tears because they felt so much embarrassment, so much shame over their inability. And these were nice young men. These were men like my son, Colin. You know, there's a picture of Colin and I right there. Colin will be 26 in a month. I was thinking these men are just like my son who are good guys, not bad men, good men. And they have a fear around women. And I think part of that fear now is also because there is this selfish side to a significant number of women, a habitually selfish side that has been promulgated or amplified, excuse me, from the social media world of Instagram and stuff. And there's such an objectification of women and a lot of women have come at the relationship process from a very entitled perspective. So if you hear men, there's a group called men going their own way. There's the red pill organizations and such. These are men that are actually, it's just like the feminists dislike women. There's the men that dislike, excuse me, the feminists that dislike men. There's the red pill MGTOW that dislike women because of the lack of real heart in the dating process, a real lack of heart in connecting with one another. And it really makes me sad. This is why I continually recommend reading the book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I'll leave a link below because this throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered level? So men feel used by women, just like women feel used by men. It is not singular to a gender for every woman that complains about a man, there's a man that complains about a woman out there. This is because we're not connecting at a heart-centered level. So when I was thinking about this workshop, I was thinking, wouldn't it be amazing if these hundred men were at a workshop and then a hundred women were at a workshop on their confidence skills and helping them in their relationship skills? And then they eventually met in a social setting. Could you imagine what an amazing event that would be is after you've gone through this heroic experience of tapping into your authentic vulnerable, your vulnerable authentic self. And the women were tapping into their vulnerable authentic self and they met face to face. Wouldn't that be great? But just like I started this broadcast, humans show up with the ambassador and their best selves. They're wearing a mask oftentimes. Men and women alike are wearing a mask. And this is why a lot of relationships never take off because there's so much hurt, so much pain. Everyone's little kid inside of them is hurting because of past hurts and pains, both maybe from their childhood, from their parents, maybe in their previous marriage, maybe their previous relationships. And there's so many hurting people out there, men and women alike that makes it difficult to actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship. This is why I recommend book after book after book to help you heal on the inside. This is why I wrote my book. And my hope is that men and women alike could begin to date from a different perspective. God universe spirit. I invite love into my life. Healthy, happy romantic love where the communication between us is very healthy and we have good conflict resolution skills. So if we hit some bumps in the road, we can lean into each other and we come at it from a place of patience and understanding. And we recognize that our old hurts and wounds is what blocks us from truly attracting love. And we operate from a place of agreeableness and not coming from a place of complaining or being disagreeable. And we can lean into healthy chemistry and we can lean into that compatibility where we share the same activities where we like spending time with one another through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest. And we have the character and the qualities because we have the emotional maturity to actually forge a deeper relationship. And God universe spirit, I invite that into my life. And I invite you all to invite that into your life as well. So I hope that answers your question. Ah, I wanna thank LD for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. All right, did you enjoy my prayer? I hope you did. All right, let's see what we have here. Ah, Carrie says, or Corny says, when is the appropriate time to get pre-engaged? I don't, I'm sorry. I don't know if I like questions like this. First off, pre-engage. We're gonna get engaged to get engaged. I mean, that to me, you either get engaged or you don't get engaged. So I don't believe in pre-engagement. So I don't like that question. Sorry, Corny. But thank you for asking. I genuinely appreciate it. Rene says, Rene says, men, question men say they are great friends with an ex-girlfriend. It didn't work out, but they meet for drinks occasionally. Is it something off or acceptable? Assume friends with benefits. First off, never assume anything. Just like you never assume the gun is not loaded. As I started this broadcast. So never assume anything. Now, I am dear friends with my ex-relationship. We don't see each other that frequently. But if we did on occasion, it's there's full transparency with her live-in boyfriend. I went and visited her a couple of months ago because I was in their neck of the woods. He showed up. So as long as there's full transparency, I don't think there's anything to worry about. It's when secrecy, that's something to worry about. But there's a reason why they're broke up. Now, does that mean they're friends with benefits? Sure, but if he's a jackass enough to do that, again, you have to evaluate the existing relationship on its own merits. And if the relationship is sketchy, then it's possible that he could be engaging in relationships with someone else. But I wouldn't necessarily throw the baby out with the bathwater. And I would just request full transparency. That's my rough perspective on that, Renee. But thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Question, is it possible I might run into my ex tonight dancing? I still have feelings for him. Plus a few women are nosy and ask about my relationship. Any words of wisdom to say? So it's natural to have feelings for a past relationship. What's more important is how you act upon it. A grownup doesn't act upon their feelings. In other words, if the relationship is over, it's over. So how do you show up? How about we learn how to become an adult, a come an adult in relationships. And what I mean to say is an adult doesn't hold unrequited love, doesn't hold, it takes a level of discipline to say, you know what, an acceptance that this relationship is over and I'm okay with that. This relationship is over and I'm okay with that. And it requires a level of self-discipline on one's own parts. And let me see if there's another book. Oh, well, you know what, you should be reading the book. I just started reading this. Why men love bitches. By the way, there's a link below. Ladies, it's time to become more empowered. A bitch doesn't stand for anything negative. Stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes. Get into your empowerment. When you love yourself so much, you can walk into a room with any ex going, I'm in my empowerment. I'm in my empowerment. So walk in before you see him and just go, I'm in my power. And I recognize that I can choose from a egoic way to have feelings for him or I can stand in my power and say, I have feelings for myself. And as far as those nosy people, this is what I say to nosy people. By the way, chapter five in my book, by the way, I wanna read you something. It's called, don't let anyone fuck with your chi. Do you see Connor right there? He had this beautiful ability. This is my book, what the heck? He had this beautiful ability to not let other people's opinion of them affect how he felt about himself. He literally indoctrinated what's in this book called the four agreements, the four agreements. And the four agreements are be impeccable with your word, always do your best. Other people's, you know, don't take anything personally and other people's opinion of you is just a projection of themselves. So don't let anyone fuck with your chi and stand into your fucking power. Say, I, you know what I want you to say to me right now, Carrie, I stand in my power. I am not gonna let nosy people affect how I feel about myself. And as far as him, you know what? Be a grownup and say, you know what? I might have feelings for him. Doesn't mean I have to be thinking about it. All right, that's my two cents, take it or leave it. Thank you, Carrie, for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, Jules says, question. I've been texting with a guy who told me that I have to chase him. He requested a sexy photo and said, I have to seduce him or there'll be other women that will try to seduce him. So, Joel, I just wanted to show everybody there is no question in there. You did not ask a question. You made a statement, okay? Folks, one of the things that drives men up the wall is, and by the way, Joel, I'm calling you out on this because there's no question. Now, depending on what your question is, I can then, based on this information, answer it. But you didn't give me a question. All right, unless I miss something, he requests. So I get, all right, so I'm just gonna infer from here. Why the fuck do you wanna be with this guy? Can anyone tell me why you'd wanna be with this guy? Why do you wanna be with him? Answer me that question. I'm forming it in the form of a question. There's a little question mark afterwards, okay? And I'm sorry I'm being hard on you, but ladies, you know what, this is the kind of shit that drives us men up the wall. Because you didn't ask a question. You just said a lot of words. All right, now I apologize. I'm gonna give you a big, gigantic hug of apology from my part if you'll accept it, okay? Let's see, let's go swimming again. Let's see, Jane says, great idea, Jonathan. Men and women need to be at seminars together. Exactly, both perspectives needed badly, but sadly I imagine many men wouldn't turn up compared to women. I will tell you that I've been to Abraham Hicks seminars. I went to the Hoffman process. The room was equal men and women. You be surprised, that's a limiting belief believing that. You be surprised how many men go to personal development workshops, so start going to them. Don't believe that. Question, is sex about power? Well, sex is about getting off. It can be about power, it can. I think it also can be a way of a man demonstrating his worthiness. If he thinks he's a good lover, he might feel a sense of worthiness from it, so that could be one reason. But yeah, it could be power. It could be a fuck, sometimes it's just about ejaculating. So, and by the way, sex fucking feels good. That's why I do it. You know, so anyway, thank you for your question, I appreciate it. Janet says, lovely prayer, Jonathan. I'm glad you liked my prayer, I really appreciate it. All right, Lisa writes, question. I look good from my age, but my health issues from Rx poisoning. How and when do I bring this up? That's a good question. When do you bring up health concerns? I'm a believer that if two people are exploring a relationship together, then it's important to be transparent. If it's material to the relationship, if your health concerns, issues, excuse me, could have an impact on the relationship, I think before you get physical with one another, it might be a good time to talk about this. This is why you're almost better off dating someone who's a friend first who knows your backstory, kind of like what I was talking about before when we used to live in smaller towns, everybody knew everything about each other, but I will tell you, probably be rejected a lot, depending on the health issue. By the way, herpes is not a big deal for guys, so if that's what you're concerned about, that men could care less about that. So yeah, so definitely I think you should bring it up sooner rather than later, but thank you for that question, I appreciate it. All right, FL says, Jonathan, personal question, do you do volunteer work of any kind? Do I do volunteer work? Not really. I feel like what I do for coaching is my philanthropy, it's my pro bono work, all these videos on some level. I give out, I give a lot of myself to people on individual basis, but not in a collective basis, but it's something I should consider, definitely. So thank you so much for that question, FL, I appreciate it. Felicia says, date, what is that? I'm a healthy, successful, talented woman. I get the men who are afraid of me or the ones who try to control me. I've lost hope. Well, I'm sorry you've experienced that. There's a, I think a Chinese proverb or something like that. It's a proverb that says, fall off the horse seven times, get up eight times. We can all allow fear and past hurts to dictate our lives. That's one way of living life because then we can avoid pain. I'm the kind of the opposite person. The harder my life has been, and folks I'm a person who lost a child, I lost my quarter million dollar a year job, I lost a seven figure net worth, I've lost a lot in my life. And you know what, I still get up every day. I've fallen off the horse, I still get up every day. I always quote the movie. If you can guess the movie, this is the quote, get busy living or get busy dying. I'm a big junkie for love. And one of my friends once said to me, love is a risk and yet still the greatest game in town, the best game in town. So my invitation for you Felicia, you can either give up, that's okay, that's a choice. You can avoid pain or you know what, you can do all this personal development work and find that you'll attract an amazing man in your life. And that's my invitation for you going forward. Does anyone resonate with that? If you do, I'd like to hear it right. Post a comment below, post a comment in the chat box. Kit Kat says, thank you, Jonathan, for the prayer. I appreciate it. Mary Ann says, question, it seems inevitable that everyone is going to deal with some type of hurt. Why do you think some people come out better person than others become better? Great question. I love this question. I think the ego is insidious. I think the ego is a very insidious creature. And the ego is trying, I believe the ego caused the unhealthy ego. Let me just say that the unhealthy ego creates a tremendous, I think we choose people, oftentimes they've hurt us the most so we can learn to love ourselves the most, learn to love ourselves. Let me repeat, I think we choose terrible situations so we can find ways to love ourselves. So coming back to my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development. I believe everything happens for you and not to you. And take personal, these are chapters in my book. Let me read you the chapters. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. Stop fucking complaining. Stop effing complaining, excuse me. You're human, mistakes happen. If something's off, it is. Be of service to humanity coming back to the volunteering. Take responsibility for your choices. Everything is happening for you, not to you. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Your body is a machine, not a temple. Remember the importance of community and developing a tribe because we don't have tribes anymore. Your thoughts create your feelings, heal your childhood wounds, choose love over ego or fear. There is no separation between the genders from a heart-centered place. And the list goes on and on. There's over 30 chapters in my book. www.selflovethebook.com, check it out. All right, thank you, Mary Ann, I appreciate that. I hope I answered your question. So why does it happen? Why do people become bitter? Because they didn't choose to love themselves. That's the sad reality. And the ones that do oftentimes walk out with gratitude. All right, Carrie says, I love the prayer. Very helpful, insightful, brings comfort and safety. That's a wonderful, beautiful relationship is coming my way. I trust and believe and receive healthy relationships. Can I get an amen? I love that, thank you for saying that. Nurse Nessie just said, I just ordered the Hoffman process, way to go. Oh, Mary Beth, hi. All right, let's see what we have. Kit Kat says, Jonathan, fuck you to those nosy people. Exactly. I have the book, The Four Agreements, way to go. All right, B writes, question. How do I end a relationship with an emotionally immature man that the guy isn't actually taking me talking to me at the moment because he blanked, taking a step back. You can call him, you can text him or you can write him an email ending the relationship. It's all you have to do. That's simple, you can call him, text him, say, look, hey, I just want you to know I really appreciate the time we have together. I recognize that we are misaligned in who we are and what we want. And I've decided I'm gonna take a step back and I'm ending the relationship for myself and I just wish you all the best on your journey to love. If you operate from the high road, you're going to attract more high road experiences. If you operate from the low road, you're gonna get more low road experiences. So that's my invitation for you B, take the high road. Kerry says, I'm standing in my Wonder Woman empowerment. I rock, I'm in control. Exactly, stand in your power. Jewel says, oh, is he a pickup artist? That's where you're going. Possible, coming back to your original question, it's possible, hard to say, but it's possible. Does it matter? Does it really matter if he's a pickup artist? You don't like what he's saying. So does it really matter the why? Just let it go, move on. Next, next, next. All right, let's see what we got here. Let's see, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. All right, this will be our last one for the evening. Question, we are boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. He wants me to travel with him, but to live together. Do you think he's waistline my time? Wait, he wants me to travel with him, but to live together. Do you think he is waistline my time? I've never heard the term waistline. Your boyfriend and girlfriend, he wants you to travel, but to not live together, I don't know where you're going with this. Folks, I need a little bit more specificity because I can't figure out what that's saying. Folks, I'm a little dyslexic, so maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I don't get what you're asking there, Sandra. All right, Shawshank Redemption, exactly. You got it right, there you go. Holly says, amen, thank you so much. Corny Cobb says, amen. All right, this will be our last question of the evening. Question, please, yes. I've been sick for the last 20 years from chemo poisoning. I can't drive ATM. I look good, smart, funny, but have those disabilities or liabilities. If I wait till healthy, I may be too old, help. 20 years of chemo poisoning, at what point will you become healthy? I don't understand, 20 years of chemo poisoning. Well, here's the thing. This is the tough part because you have to balance between, is it takes time to fall in love with someone. Maybe a person who's in love with you can be able to accept those liabilities as you chose it, but I highly doubt someone who's a total stranger is gonna accept it or welcome it in. So it's better off that you meet in friendship-based capacities and then maybe share that with someone before you begin a romantic capacity. That would be my invitation. Develop a friendship with people, not from a dating. Don't be dating. Develop friendships, share. And if someone from that capacity says, I've no issue with it, that's probably your best bet. I think from a dating, I think realistically speaking, 999 men out of 1,000 probably won't want to engage. I mean, would you folk, ladies, how many of you have said to me, I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse, okay? So it's the same for you. You wouldn't want to engage. Most women would not want to start dating someone who had health issues right from the get-go. It's not fair. I'm not saying it's fair. I'm just saying what is. So try a different strategy. Do things with men in a friendship-based capacity. Start interacting with men, whether it's in social circles or whatnot, because this is how you build some level of familiarity and trust with someone. And then their most more apt to accept the health conditions. And again, I don't know how it manifests in how you live your life or how it would affect the relationship, but that's just a rough guess of how I would approach it. So Lisa, again, thank you so much for that question. And I'm giving you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug on that one. Okay, this will be the last question of the night. Question, pardon me if it's too personal, but I'm going to ask anyway, what worked and did not work about your last relationship with a woman? With the woman I was with? You know, if I'm being really honest with myself, the reason why it didn't work is I wasn't in my empowerment in that relationship. And so because of that, I was more like a little child, not in the way I acted, but I just wasn't in a really good place in my life when I met her. So I probably stayed in the relationship a lot longer because we were misaligned. Our sense of humor was different. A lot of things that are out of respect for her, I'm not going to share publicly, but we were misaligned in a lot of areas. But because I was such a weak place in my life, and we met in the playground, she was a personal, she was a therapist and we met in the playground of human behavior. We loved human behavior. And thankfully through her, I met a great community of friends who I'm still very close to. One of them just texted me while we were talking or while I've been talking to you all. So so many blessings came out of the relationship, but I wasn't in my empowerment as I am in today. I would say that's them. And with respects to her issues, I'm not here to throw her under the bus. She had her issues. I had my issues and we had a nice journey and we're still very friendly to one another. I'm probably going to see her next week when I'm up in her hood, which is about 50 miles from me. I'm going to stop by and see her and her boyfriend, David, or her partner, I should say David. So, but I can't go into the particulars because that wouldn't be fair to her. All right, folks. Wow. All right. Lisa says, I'm tech permanently disabled going to go through a detox. Okay, that's good. All right, folks. I think this would be a great place to wrap up. So for those more red flag phrases, just a reminder, I love you. This is, again, if it's said in the early stage of dating, I've never experienced like this before. You're the only one for me. That's the best sex I ever had. That's usually luster limerence talking. My wife and I haven't had sex in a while. Sorry, I left my credit cards and wallet at home. Can you send me a sexy lingerie pick and I've got to work late tonight? He's always busy. Those are just some phrases that might want to give you pause. And again, we're going to be doing more of these more red flag phrases over the next few weeks. I hope you found value. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Check out my membership group if you can't afford coaching called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram and just, if you want to connect with me, again, find me on Facebook as well. At least follow my page. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic chunk of the barric of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Now let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Holly and Corny Cobb and Kit Kat, Kitty Kat, Marianne, Lisa, Crafty Laurie, Brenda, Jewel, Avet, Mel, Sandra, Brenda, Nurse Nessie, Heather, how are you doing, sweetheart? Jill, Miller, let's see, Sophia, Gail, Embey, and Kimberly, and Lisa, I think I said all those. Wishing you a super duper wonderful, fantastic evening. Bye now, bye-bye. This resonates with you. Did you find value? Please let me know and purchase a super sticker before we wrap up. All right.