 God I'm asking you to come change me into the man I'm probably going to get a copyright strike for this but it's worth it. There's a prayer that you can pray that you might want to think twice about it's a good prayer but it's also a difficult prayer not the prayer itself but what results from the prayer and that is kind of like the prayer that David prays in Psalm 51. Notice what he says he says have mercy upon me according to your loving kindness. He says later he says blot out my transgressions. Well that's not an easy process for us for him it is. He says wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sins. He says acknowledge my transgressions which you must do if you want to grow in the Lord. He says and my sin is all the way before me because if you are truly repentant it's going to bother you. I don't care how far along it is even when you look back five years ago five decades ago it doesn't matter how long it is sin should bother you. He says against you and you only have a sin which is why it bothers him which is why it's hurtful but notice what he says he says in verse seven he says purge me with hyssop. I don't know if you've ever been purged or you know what being purged felt like. I want to give you an example of that and my prayer that led this led this to happen to me. He says and I shall be clean wash me and I shall be wider than snow and here's the hard one. He says make me hear joy and gladness that the bones that you have broken here's the problem. No one wants their bones to be broken. No one wants to suffer. No one wants to go through. You just want to be made whole immediately. Now for me I told you about my little federal tour and it was self-induced. It was all my fault. No one's to blame but me. Well proceeding that is me having this prayer this time with the Lord. Lord fix this. Fix all these different things that are wrong with me that's going on Lord. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to be past this. Problem is though you don't get to tell God how to fix it. God is going to work in you. Now if you have fully submitted you feel repentant heart. If you're his he is going to chastise you. The Bible says that as he is a father Hebrews 12 tells us he is going to chastise you. Why because he loves you and sometimes his love doesn't feel good. You've seen the old saying we see here all the time we were growing up when your parents are about to discipline you they would say it's gonna hurt me more than hurts you and you say yeah right because this really hurts well in this case this really hurt. Now never forget when I was in prison and I was laying in my bunk this was early in the morning I mean early in the morning two or three in the morning and I just woke up and I had my little radio on and it was tuned to a country station and I'm not one of those that that is looking for God to come and speak audibly to me that I can hear his voice and if someone were in the room they would hear his voice that's not me I don't necessarily preach that but do I believe that God can send things your way give you messages lead you impress upon you well this one particular night that he did so and I mean did so graphically so much so they left an imprint on me there is a country song that I don't know if you all have heard before if you're not a country music fan or what have you probably haven't maybe you have by a man by the name of Chris Young he's a country music artist a star as a matter of fact he had a song and this song I just happened to I woke up one particular night and I do believe that it was a Lord waking me up and for some reason I pushed the radio I didn't even mean to push it I didn't I didn't intend on pushing I just wrote over and hit the button and the song came on the earbuds were still in my my ear and the song came on from the very beginning so much so so hard was it for me to even even go back to the song came on twice and when I say twice I clicked another button turned to a different station and this song came on again and then the next night it's almost like they kept sending me this song what was the song with this song resonated it's not a Christian song but the words resonate so I want to kind of play this for you now this is where I might get the copyright strike and this is what I think was kind of the prayer or God speaking to me and just have you ever heard a song that just said what you want to say but just said it better and with music with a better voice well this was the case the song is called the man I want to be and this was really my prayer I'm sorry you're gonna have to go back if you want to hear the whole song just look up the song to hear it in its entirety but the song when I hear the song even to this day is one of those songs that just does something to me he says God I'm down here on my knees because it's the last place to be listen when you are fully submitted to God especially if you are in sin if you're coming out of a city trying to get past a particular stronghold God has a way of putting you on your knees put it or or putting you flat on your back same way because all you have left is to look at him sometimes God will give you an opportunity to come to him first and then we don't we go to this person first or that thing first or that thing second and then God is last and so what he'll do is oftentimes knock everything that you could possibly go to out of the way and so he's only the only option you are left to be faced with him that's your only option and so he says I'm down here on my knees because it's the last place to be hoping that you'll still be forgiven guys like me Lord do you steal will you steal because when you're so distraught and so bothered overcome by your senior one Lord are you still going to forgive me and then this next line is the line that just just tore me up when you realize that everything that you've done been working for it didn't matter it it led you to know where as a matter of fact it led you to ruin this line this next line it broke me I spent my whole life getting it all I sure could use your help from now I want to be a good man I'm gonna pause that again to know that you spent your whole life your whole life getting it all wrong yeah there was some good there were some things that you know you learn for him his point is the direction that I was going the goals that I wanted they were not in line with his that's what it that's what spoke to me I spent my whole life trying to do me spent my whole life trying to get what I wanted and so now here's the result here is the result not just the wreckage in my life but also what's happened with my family and he addresses that in the next in the next verse but the course is I want to be a good man God come change me into the man I want to be and that's if the man that you want to be is a godly man and that's what that's all I ever really wanted but again I thought that I could figure out how to do things on my own I could I can get where I need to be just fine without you Lord I'll call on you when I need you what I'm in help when I'm in what I'm in need of help when I'm in when I'm in desperate need of you to step in but God I the man I want to be is the man that you want me to be now this right here broke me down even worse because the person after God that brought me the most pain in terms of who I hurt yes I love my children dearly but the person that I hurt the most and the person that I want to fix the relationship more than anybody else was with my wife and so as he says is there any way for me and her to make another start that part it let me pull it back a little bit that part just it caused me to cry as a matter of fact it's almost like he desired he he looked into my record and decided to make a song about me cuz it's gonna take a miracle after all I've done to really make her see I want to be a stay man I want to be a brave man I want to be the kind of man she sees in her dreams that's all that that is my goal matter of fact truth be told that it really should be every man's goal in his marriage that you want to be the kind of man that she that your wife sees in her dreams everything everything that she could want and hope for the man she can find you not super man not perfect man but but that she thinks about you that that's what I wanted and I want to be her man in the man I want to be and now I'm not gonna play the rest of I get out I'll let you guys go and look it up his Chris young the man I want to be but that just it resonates with me and if you pray if you pray Lord fix me whatever is the issue is and you mean it and you give it to him he'll do it now is he gonna do it the way you want no nine times out of ten nope he will not as a matter of fact what he's got in the store to purge you as David says purging does it doesn't sound doesn't sound like an enjoyable experiment experience being purge doesn't sound nice doesn't sound good but what it does is it brings you face to face with yourself and it gives you some clarity to see and then this song again it was weird because the night that I woke up and heard this song two three in the morning it just came on turn to the next station just click the button to the next station and it came again and then the next day and it just kept coming and so I'm I've got the song memorized because it speaks to me and so the man that I want to be as long as the man that I want to be or the woman you want to be lines up with the person God wants you to be and you pray the prayer for God to fix it to change it to get you out of it to grow you because if you're a believer in him that's what you're gonna want you're gonna want for anything that's like the word that's in you to be out take whatever is in me Lord God that's not like you take it out and that was my prayer he just didn't do it the way I wanted it to Lord I had some God if you would have consulted me I would have given you some suggestions I would have said Lord fix it this way Lord do this give me this give me that and I'll be happy no God knows how utterly foolish I am how fallen I am he knows exactly what I need how to do it and how to do it in a way to where I appreciate this is how you know you have a good a good parent who when he disciplines you you even appreciate the discipline that you got even though it was painful and though you don't want to go through it again you wouldn't change for anything in the world and so the man that I want to be am I there yet no but he's getting me there and so yeah he used Chris Young do so but it was really the fact that he's working in me purging me getting me there and so my prayer is that more people who are going through that would even have the courage the boldness the audacity to pray a prayer like that Lord fix me and then mean it that's the most important thing that you mean it because you have a repentant heart and you desire for nothing that's worldly that's ungodly being you and so all of that to be purged out of you and look more and more like him because the Bible does say that he has chosen us to be conformed to the image of his son well that's a process and sometimes it's a painful process in many cases and so if you're up to it if you're bold enough if you're daring to pray that prayer and mean it God will do it and I can promise you this that in the end you will be grateful. Amen.