 You and everyone Woman so a lot of people in my generation are wondering We really need to get married anymore. You're married Amber. You think so? Yes, I'm married and I love it. If you can go back you do it all over again. I didn't say that. Marriage can be very difficult. It's a work in progress, but I enjoy it and so like but if I could wait a little bit longer to get married Why? What do you think that would have changed? I think I could have maybe dated more had those experience or you know dating and and just kind of seeing my options and different things out there So they just said oh man follow me to California. Let's get married and start a family You know, I would be inclined to say no that you don't have to be married unless you're planning on having children But I was talking to a woman a very successful woman who had been wasn't in a relationship Then they had been together for they might as well have been married 12 13 14 years and then one day they just walked away They just walked away they just walked away from each other and she went back and she said you know at the time I thought I was doing the right thing because I just thought we fell out of love But then when I look back and I'm thinking you know how sometimes couples grow in and out of love When you're married you're kind of forced to deal with that and then you have to make a hard decision And she said if she had waited it out a couple years or so they probably would have stayed together because they're still friends They talked to each other but I have a friend whose parents got divorced and then I got remarried Because they they did have that I've been flowing their relationship and they found their way back to each other It was really beautiful story but you know even my ex-boyfriend I really wanted to get married You know I grew up in the mid-bass it was always a big dream of mine. I dreamed of the wedding and he didn't really want to get married He said you know I really like our relationships and I would do a ceremony But I don't think I believe in legally having to get married and I don't know how I feel about that I think for me it's always been Because you're in Latina they wanted a full clean to the day I've been proposed to more than one But okay but now I actually do want to get married Okay wait I want to go back to the like you've been proposed to more than once okay so I have been waiting Different people Wow My whole life I've dreamed of this moment and I cannot believe that this girl Najalanly says that What's happened to me more than once Because I had goals But now I feel like I'm achieving him And now I feel like Did you say no? Wait did you say I said no I didn't say the one You said no Right she said no cracker job That's another topic Wait I'm like no You better like that I got it like that Now it's like I feel like I do want to get married I do look at not obviously what the first one I come Right But I'm not that picky Wait you know what I mean now See I'm the one I definitely do want to get married I know that in my family is from the south And I know in a lot of southern traditions There's a lot of women who will be a 20 year girlfriend and like that is not for me I am not doing it and you know so And my parents were married 35 years till death did they part And so I want that for my life Now I'm not going to settle for just any old body But So how long are you going to be in a relationship before you say make a break it We're doing this or not Well you know what quite frankly Given recent events my answer on that has changed Because I was you know I just broke up with someone in four years Because you know we were at the pooper get off the plot And he wouldn't get off the plot I said okay well I will I think it doesn't take four years to get to know somebody Oh no it takes more than four years to get to know somebody But you know what that's it doesn't take four years to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them Because I think the most basic parts of who you are have been revealed at that point So it's like either you know or you don't And was that heartbroken No because I was the one who initiated it I saw the big picture I saw the you know I saw the events unfolding Or in this case not unfolding And it became apparent to me that this wasn't what happened To me like completely candid in this conversation And that kind of happened to me in my last relationship And I thought I could get him to love me again Or love me more or want that Because he wasn't at that point in the relationship and I was And I thought I don't know me if I do something differently I could get him to love me even more And it didn't work and for me that really crushed me And you couldn't make a man Yeah And the first time you That they really smell desperation You won't forget it again But I don't want I don't think it was desperate I just want maybe it was Wait wait wait but just hear yourself say that again What can I do to make him want to love me again That sounds Yeah Usually the first time you learn that lesson That you can't make somebody do something they're not going to You can't make them love you Right The first time you learn that lesson You typically don't forget it though Alright I haven't forgotten my lesson Let's just forget it I heard it I'm not doing it again She's it She's it Therapy I know somebody To like love us And really we need to take that time to just kind of Love ourselves and reconnect with ourselves Well you're taking that time right now I am I am but at the same time This is another point I wanted to make I'm really scared to have that relationship That my parents had Like you know they're not together no more They were together for 25 years And I'm scared to give somebody They got divorced But it just it gets me scared to Go for somebody like how my dad was I mean as much as I love him You know the actions that he made Which is kind of hard to say it here It just breaks me And I don't want to find myself a guy like that Right I don't think you will You know what Oh man like that You know For you who you are and your mom is who you are You're not her You're just a piece of what she has I'm a lot like her though You're just a piece of what you've invested into But you're not that way It's the whole investment Investing that much And then just you just break up a family Yeah no I get it I get it I totally get it It was really hard for me I felt like a failure I felt a lot of And also because it wasn't accepted By my family and by his family I mean they all think I'm evil But Oh But Moving forward You know I'm dating someone now I think he's a really great guy I mean it's relatively new But I get I think about that Do I want to get married again Is it necessary for me to be married again Do I have to Do we have to make that legal commitment to each other And I thought no I never want to do it again But someone had said to me Madison let's continue the conversation when we get back Stay with us We'll be right back Welcome back I want to continue the conversation Madison You're saying So what I was saying is Is that I was telling this to another A divorcee And I said no I never want to get married again But I'm dating someone I think he's really great And I don't think he wants to either And she kind of took a step back and said Why Why would you not expect that he Have some kind of legal responsibility For you To make sure that you're taking care Of when you get older When you're not You know when we're time has come And why wouldn't he expect that from you So it gave me a different perspective on that as well You know there is that legal thing Who's taking care of who In you know in 2008 When the economy crashed A lot of families crashed as well Because they were both legally responsible For each other And on each other's credit When one lost their job And went bankrupt It hurt the entire family I mean is that a reason To possibly avoid legally getting married I think some people use that as a reason But ultimately if you're a team You're a team And that's the truth Yeah My credit got messed up with my sister She was saved through marriage Probably yes Well I wanted to talk about And kind of moving on to a new leaf Being a stay at home mom And I know you were a stay at home mom For some years weren't you Yes for a long time For a long time how long Probably still a stay at home For about eight years Is that what you wanted to do When you became a mother No I think I wanted the whole career I wanted to be in DC Listening to jazz music Drinking wine Laughing Ha ha ha And I didn't get that I got married And I Life went My daughter And fell in love with her You know And the whole family thing But I still strive for my career But now it's more like Okay it was so important I was This is so crazy I took her to school I was working for a fashion designer And I took her to school And you know I didn't know what to do Fashion is overnight It's long hours And I took her to school I picked her up And she could sit up And they were like Oh miss love She has one tooth And I was like Who are you And I took her out of school Quick a job And everything And I was like Oh I'm so happy I'm so happy And I So do you think When you become a mom That you would Side-line your career Sure I was anti-kids What did you What did you What did you What did you What did you And this is my first time Just throw it I wasn't very He said I thought I'm not a mother My daughter had a She said I'm fine I grew up in a household Where I had a working mother And quite frankly I spend a lot of time On my education I spend a lot of time You know In the workplace Trying to Build my self a career I'm not willing To have done All that in vain You know I have goals That I want to to my son, you know, the kind of woman that he should be striving to try to, you know, try to meet, you know, someone who is driven, someone who has goals and so on. However, I want you to keep in mind, Carol, that one of the things that you're doing when you have children is you are raising a person. That's right. And who are you putting in charge of raising your person, your people, if you aren't there? Well, you know what? That's something I'm going to have to face. Absolutely. Because for me, I mean, I, yes, I'm a working mom, but it's not my ideal. If I firmly believe that children need their mothers and their fathers, but they need their mothers primarily, right? Nature designed that way until about five or six. Not saying that you can't ever go back to having a career, but there is a certain point where there are informative viewers are there. And I have guilt. I have guilt about putting my kids into care of someone else's care because they are learning somebody else's values. They are learning somebody else's habits. And I'm really grateful. She did because we have such an unbreakable bond. But even then I thought, well, I want a career and maybe I'll let my mom kind of look after my kids and the older I get, I think like, like you're saying Madison, I want to be the one who helps guide that little person who sees, you know, I enjoy going to the PTA meetings. I enjoy knowing that I'm bringing cupcakes and I'm helping the class. And even though to my mom, she was like, why are you doing that? I would give it up any day. And I still do it now. I still, every job that I do find that I do try to work at, I still try to make sure that I have time for my children. I had a working mom, since she was a, you know, working, both parents were working. But for me, like, I just don't want to change diapers. You know, I don't mind changing diapers, but I'm sorry, I need intellectual stimulation and why, and just trying to trim it. Hang on, hang on a minute. I'm going to go crazy. You can read a book at the end of the day. You can read a book at adult conversation. And you know, you have a partner. You have a partner, right? That's not necessarily what I'm saying. It's you don't have a partner in yours. No, no, I'm not saying that. But you know, if your career comes first, there's nothing wrong with choosing to have a career over having a family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We'll be right back with more Every Way Woman. Too pink? Too purple? Too much coral? How do you find that perfect red lipstick just for you? We'll find out next when we come back. Ladies, we all know that not every red lipstick is created equal. So Anna's here to help us figure out what we need to do to find that perfect shade. I'm like, no, no, red lips, the red lipstick. Oh my gosh. It's like finding that little black dress. It's hard. And it's a necessity, but I can admit, I don't have a red lipstick. I'm too nervous to buy one every time I put it on. It's orange. When the average woman goes into the department store, what's the first thing you do? You go to the makeup, right? Makeup section. And then when you go to the makeup section, you end up buying the first thing you see. Try before you buy. You gotta try it on. Don't be afraid to ask the person behind that counter to help you. That's why they're there. And don't be afraid to say, no, not today. Walk around with it and check it up. And what I like to do, exactly, not only different brands, but different stores. So figure out that perfect shade, then wear it to the drug store and buy it $20 cheaper. I am happy you mentioned that. And that's one of the reasons I brought the brand that I actually brought. Okay. Because a lot of people can't spend those, what, $16 on a lipstick. No, so what do you have? I mean, what do you have? You know, the average person. You want to find a good deal. So we have NYX. Okay. And this is a matte red lipstick. So what I'm going to go ahead and do is go ahead and put it on my hand. And I heard that this is actually a really great way to test it with your skin tone. Exactly. But what does skin tone even mean? Girl, that's a whole new different scientific. Exactly. I will explain it just because when it deals with skin tones, you have to look at your own skin tone because there's different undertones. But I don't even know what that means. People are like, you're blue, you're orange. There's different undertones, which is blue, yellow, and olive. So there's different undertones for different complexions, which are light, media, and dark complexion. You know? So like as for me, the texture of the lipstick is matte. So it's pretty dry. That's why I don't want to put it on the model because it's a little bit harder. You got to put it through the tube. We want to be clean. So this is pretty much how it looks. And what about our beautiful, lovely model Madeline today and her skin tone? She has a little bit more of a yellow complexion. So I'm going to go ahead and use the makeup brush. And again, we're using NYX. And what color is that? It's 511. But you know what? It's the only cranberry color that they have. It's actually one of my favorites. It's the one that I always wear. So people, okay. So this one is not matte. So while I'm putting it on her, it's a little bit more shinier and a little bit more cranberry. It has almost like a satin finish to it. Yes. And it's beautiful for the medium undertone, medium complexion. And do you have to use the brush? Because I just put it right on. If you're a makeup artist, yes, to be clean. But at the same time, if you're doing it on yourself, no, obviously you can use that too. But it's just, you know, health, cleaning. Is it essential that I use a liner? You know, because when I put it on, it is all over the place. The liner is really good to go ahead and plump up your lips to make them look fuller. So you know what? Yeah, use a liner. For her, I'm not going to use a liner because Sherry has beautiful lips. And how do I avoid that bleed? Because if I do wear your bright color, sometimes it ends up below my lip or above the lip. Okay. For that, you don't want to use a shiny one. So for you, you should stick to the matte one. So the first one that I actually tried on. So it won't bleed. Number one, that's the first trick. The second trick is use a liner for you. So it won't bleed. Okay. Okay. That's my trick to you. And there's just so many things you can do with red lips. Don't, you know, you don't want it boring. Don't keep it boring. So I have a little trick. What I like to do is just use any at home gloss or any, you know, cheap gloss that you find. You don't have, it doesn't have to be like a big brand. Can it be a clear gloss? Yes. Okay. It doesn't have to be colored. Right now, I'm using a pink one just because I want to. But I'm going to go ahead and dip it into some red glitter. Oh, this is an arts and crafts project right here. Yes. You don't want to eat it. Okay. So don't eat it. This is not a dinner red. What you're going to go ahead and do, it's probably for a photo shoot or a night out. Party. Don't party. Vegas. You look too young. But this is pretty much what I'm doing, which is just going, dipping it into that and then putting it on her lips, which is just gives you a little bit more of a, you know, wilder side, not keeping it so boring. Oh, that is wild. That is stunning. That is going to make sure you leave your mark on any woman or glass, you know, which one is yours. But at the end of the night, do you have a secret on getting that lipstick off? A wipe, a wiping, just a makeup, wiping definitely. Yeah, definitely. You want to take that off. This is not already off by the end of the day. The whole glitter one, definitely a white fearsome makeup remover. Oh, thank you very much. You look lovely, Madeleine. I will no longer be afraid of the red lipstick. More on Every Way Woman. Stay tuned. Coming up next, more Every Way Woman. You know the number one medical reason that keeps women home from work? Stay tuned for Every Way Woman for the answer. Do you know the number one medical reason why women do not go to work on Monday? Today, Dr. Sherri Thomas is here with the answer. The answer is bladder infections. If I had a bladder infection, I wouldn't tell anybody that. So where do they get that statistic from? Well, it turns out women get one or two bladder infections a year. Okay. And most of us drink a little bit more water and try to clear it ourselves. But some women just get recurrent infection after recurrent infection. And it keeps them out of work. And it is the number one cause of lost days for women. Yes. So I'm not sure where they get the statistic, but yes, I agree with you. I wouldn't call it. Well, I thank you for that stat because I'm in human resources. So now when my staff comes in and they say they have the flu, it could be a bladder infection. Right. But it's good. It's important to follow up on that. So when you get your bladder infection, you may have an antibiotic at home and take it, but follow up with your doctor and get that urine culture to make sure the bladder infection went away. What are some of the symptoms? Oh, the symptoms are easy. Okay. Burning with urination. Okay. Urgency frequency. You may even try to urinate and nothing comes out. Or women may have blood in their urine. And that blood in the urine is a very big concern. If you're over 40, you want to run straight to your doctor and get that worked up to make sure it's just a bladder infection. Is there anything that I could do preventative? Because I've had them before and they are awful. Is there anything that I could do? Very simple and very inexpensive. And what is that? Drink eight glasses of water a day. Water is the solution to all that pain. Water, not alcohol, but water. And if you're menopausal, it turns out using a little vaginal estrogen helps because it helps change the pH. Okay. All of us can eat a little bit more lactobacillus. So we can do that in either Greek yogurt or just take some lactobacillus over the counter. And that helps give us friendly bacteria in our gut. Okay. Okay. So I didn't drink the water. I have all the symptoms. I'm full blown now with, and I have my antibiotics. Is there anything that I should be paying attention to while I have the bladder infection? So you have antibiotics? Yes, I did. Yeah. So take your antibiotics and make sure that you take every one of them your doctor gave you. And when you're done, follow up and get a culture to make sure it went away because that's where we get the recurrent infections. People don't take all their antibiotics or they don't follow up in a month or two later. They have it again. Well, it turns out that same infection was just suppressed, but it's now brewing again. The other thing is when you're taking your antibiotics, if you're getting more sick, you can't keep down fluid. You're running a temperature. That's not just a bladder infection. That's a kidney infection. And you need to get right into the emergency room hospital right away. When you get a kidney infection, that's serious. So a kidney infection is an extension of a bladder infection. You can't, is that how that works? Yes. So many times we get urgency, frequency, I blow it off. Oh, I'm tough. I'm a woman. I can survive that. And then it brews for a while, we can actually get a kidney infection. So the kidney infection you want to get on right away because that can be serious. Remember before antibiotics, that's how people died. And that's how you lost a kidney because we couldn't treat it. So let's say I have a bladder infection. This happened to me before and the antibiotics are not working. Do I go back to my doctor and ask for a different antibiotics? Can I mix antibiotics? Yes. I would make it go away. Well, you don't want to be your own pharmacist and start mixing antibiotics. So immediately you start your antibiotic within a day or two. You should start feeling better. If the day three you're not, call your doctor, get back in. A lot of times, as I am actually a urogynecologist, so I take care of a lot of women with recurrent bladder infections, I'll obtain a little bit of urine from you through the urethra to make sure the organism you're growing, we get the right antibiotic for that organism. And that is so important. Okay. So the key is one, to get to the doctor. Two, to continue the antibiotic because, you know, once I start feeling well and I do this all the time, I may have 30 pills in the bottle, but by day, pill number 10, I'm feeling good and I'm like, oh, I don't need to take any more pills. That's not good, right? Right. Because you don't want to just suppress the organisms you want to clown up. You don't want to have that infection a month later and then take what's left in the bottle. And then two months from now you have the worst infection that most antibiotics won't treat. Why are they, why are bladder infections so painful? Why are they, I mean, they hurt. Because it's an infection in the bladder and that's why we see blood sometimes. Okay. It's an infection that is irritating and the bladder just wants to get rid of the infection. So it contraction prints. What else can cause a matter of fiction besides what you mentioned? Well, the common causes of a bladder infection are sexual activity. That's why people don't want to have them and travel. So after sexual activity, get up, urinate, and drink a big glass of water. When you travel, make sure you're drinking a lots of water and other things like spinning, wearing two tight of pants. You may just need to change those thongs for some granny underwear or better yet, go without. They don't change the thongs for some granny's, but I do. Okay. So and then after sexual activity, I should urinate. And real quick, what if I can't urinate? What should I do with it? That's because you're not drinking enough water. Okay. You've helped me because now I know when my staff calls in that they, they have a bladder infection and they didn't want to tell me they called it something else. Dr. Thomas, it was a pleasure, pleasure having you. Listen, you cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself first. Stay tuned for more everyday women. Every Way Woman gives back to the community. Go to everywaywoman.com to find out how you can match our donations of undergarments for needy kids. Thanks for getting to know Every Way Woman.