 Craft presents the Great Gildersleeve. Hehehehe. Excuse company who also bring you bing draws the Every Thursday Night Present each week at this time. Harold Perry is the Great Gildersleeve, written by Leonard L. Levinson. Spring has come to a certain home in Summerfield, spring with its bright colors and its new flowers. And here on his hands and knees in the hallway, tacking down a new bright colored flowered carpet, is our friend the Great Gildersleeve. The moon shines bright. It's light all night. Deep in the heart of Texas. I'm Stuckly Roy because my boy. I'm short of carpet taxes. Well, thank you, son. I'm almost done. If I hit the wrong nail, you certainly knock with a knack. Hehehehe. Tired, let's sit down on the steps for a while, huh? Oh! What's wrong, Uncle? I just discovered I wasn't out of taxes after all. What is it getting you down? Yeah, hello, Marjorie. I had misplaced some tax and I had just found him. The hard way. You better take them out of your pocket before you ruin your trousers. Oh, this is really just an old pair, but I'll unload the tax anyhow. Yeah, there. You know. What is it, Uncle? Well, here's my lucky half dollar. So that's where it was. No wonder I haven't been getting the brakes lately. Yeah, but you watch. Things are going to be better now that I found it again. Really, Uncle? You believe in the most childish superstitions. I am different. Excuse me, Mr. Gildersleeve, but here's a telegram that just came for you. Oh, thank you, buddy. Telegrams fascinate me. Well, listen to this. Dear Mr. Gildersleeve, congratulations. The Gentleman's Fashion Guild of New York has selected you as one of the 10 best-dressed men in Summerfield. Well, sign JCB Hallchester President. Why, Uncle, that coin does bring you luck. One of the 10 best-dressed men. By George, I can hardly believe it. Yeah. Hey, why not? Well, just look at yourself and them old work clothes. Huh? It's a good thing there ain't no television to telegraph. They'll say to let you the 10 worst-dressed men in town. And Uncle Morty is apartment downtown. You know where he is? Yasimi's standing in front of the mirror in his room, no doubt, trying to decide which one of his neckties harmonizes best with the rest of his haberdasheries. Oh, do you think so? Undubitably. He's been that way ever since he got that telegram. Oh, you mean the one from those fashion experts? That's right. And making him one of the best-dressed men in town is making me one of the worst-work women in town. I'm wearing myself down to a shadow. Well, on you, it doesn't show. Say, how do I look? Is my cravat blend with the rest of my ensemble? Yes, sir. But I will show you who's going to ask us if you'll tie-harmonize with the remainder of your clothes. Yes. Uncle, you look as if you just stepped out of a band box. Now, don't kid me, Marjorie. Whoever saw a band box big enough for me to step out of. Where you going, Uncle? Well, Mr. Halchester's in town. He's invited me to meet him at the Ritz Summerfield. Oh, you mean the men's clothes designer? Yeah, I hope I look my best. Oh, you do. Oh, that must be Judge Hooker. Send him right in, Bertie. We're saving rubber by riding downtown in his car. Oh, good morning, Judge. You'd look like a tailor's dummy, Gildersleeve. You didn't talk so much. Yes. I'm sorry if my sartorial splendor disturbs you, Judge, but it's one of the 10 best-dressed men in Summerfield. Who, you? Who says so? The gentleman's fashion guild of New York? Never heard of him. If in the looks of your clothes, you've never even heard of gentleman's fashions. As Mr. Halchester said to me this morning... Who's Mr. Halchester? Mr. Halchester is a famous style authority. He's the man who picked me and the other nine snappiest dressers. How'd you do it? Over the telephone? Yeah, over the telephone. He's stopping at the Ritz Summerfield. I'm going down to meet him. Say, I'd like to meet him, too. You mind if I come along with you? Not at all. That suit of yours should give Mr. Halchester a good hearty laugh. What's wrong with this suit? Oh, nothing that a rock, a rope, and a river couldn't cure. Come on, Jack. Mr. Gildersleeve, come in, come in. Oh, this is a pleasure indeed, Mr. Halchester. This is a friend of mine, Judge Horace Hooker, a close friend. Judge, I want you to know Mr. Halchester. Oh, everybody knows Mr. Halchester. Glad to meet you, sir. I'd like both of you to meet Mr. Leslie, one of New York's leading tailors. How do you do? It's a pleasure. Me, too. Mr. Leslie makes most of the clothing I design. Oh. Mr. Gildersleeve here was on our 10 best list for some of you. Ah, yes. Excellent choice. And I think he has a very good chance of making our first team. Uh, you mean... Yes, the 10 best-dressed men in America. Oh, no. But then, why not? How do you make your selection? Oh, on a number of counts, sir. Taste, style, figure, carriage. Gildy could win on the last two. He's got a figure like a carriage, all right. Ignore him, Mr. Halchester. He's just jealous. He's so skinny, his tailor has to put pads in his trousers so his knees will bag. Yeah, go on, sir. Well, another big point is extent of wardrobe. Gildy should win that one, too. His wardrobe extends farther out... No, see here, Hooker. Are nice clothes your hobby, sir? Oh, yes. Mr. Leslie, it always has been. You see, I was elected the best-dressed fellow in my class at college. After I introduced peg-top pants and yellow button shoes... I'd like to see some of your ensembles, Mr. Gildeslay. I suppose, of course, you have a country squire suit in Orkney Twist. What? Orkney Twist. You know, that new hand-woven suiting? Very popular in New York this season. Have you any of it with you, Leslie? Only that boat I was taking out to Hollywood. I'll bring it in. He's a master with a needle at Leslie. Oh, they're mad about him in Hollywood. Gentlemen, probably the last bolt of Orkney Twist left in America. Pretty loud material, isn't it? That just shows your lack of taste, Judge Hooker. That orange diagonal stripe is just what the chocolate background needs. It's set off the little blue dots. Well, you're right, Mr. Gildeslay. It's the range. Mr. Leslie, I just had an idea. How would it be if you made me a suit out of that Orkney Twist, huh? Don't be foolish, Gildeslay. How can they get a suit for you out of that bolt? Well, there can't be more than 12 or 13 yards there. Hooker, I only require five yards of cloth. But if you keep putting in, you're just going to need six feet of dirt. That's all. Well, gentlemen, what do you say? I think it might be a range. Oh, splendid. Gildy, are you sure you can afford it? Afford? Why, the question of payment doesn't enter into this, Judge Hoople. Okay. Thank you. If Mr. Gildeslay has taken with this material and wishes a suit whipped up, he shall have it at no expense. What? Oh, that's wonderful. No, I couldn't let you do a thing like that. My dear man, we'd be delighted. Oh, no, at least let me pay the cost of the material. You needn't do anything of the sort. But I insist. Well, all right, if it'll make you any happier. I doubt it. How much is the material? Why, speak of it. I mean, nothing. What is it, Leslie? Oh, it didn't cost us much. $35, I think. $35? Why, that's very reasonable. Yes, you require five yards. No, two, five yards at 35 yards. That makes $175, doesn't it? It does. If nine goes in the cell, oh, my goodness, it does. Mr. Halstaff speaking. Hello, Judge Rucker. Hello. You want the same suit? Yeah, but not the same size. Well, I thought you didn't like that material. I didn't at first, but the color sort of grow on you. Well, I'm not sure we have enough of that orcney twist. I don't take much. Only about two and a half yards. Well, maybe. How about tomorrow morning? Yes, $87.50 for the cloth and the same for the tailoring. It comes to exactly $175. That's true. But Mr. Gildersleeve is a prominent man with a style following. Well, for one, you. Another sucker just hooked himself. Yeah, who? That judge was here with a fat chump. That makes 11 best dressed boobs we catch in this town. Jesse, I got a hammer to you. This is the sweetest switch on the suit racket I ever heard of. It sure is. Now, what size would you say we should get for the little squirt that just formed? He'd take about a 32 in a boy's suit. Okay, then. Why are Joe to airmail us one 32 boys and one big one? Say 48 stuff. And tell him to leave the seams open. Sure. Say, what's the real name of this horse blanket material? You mean Orcney Twist? Yeah. At the factory, it's known as Backstretch Boylap. We'll hear from the great Gildersleeve again in just a moment. But first, I wonder how many of you good housewives indulge in that neighborly American pastime, the chat over the back fence. It's a swell way to swap cooking hints and recipes, as well as other news. Well, we at Kraft certainly approve of the custom, because it's one way the news gets around about Parquet Margeron, the delicious spread-for-bread made by Kraft. You see, discovering a grand-tasting product like Parquet Margeron is the sort of thing you housewives like to brag a little about, because it's smart to be wisely thrifty these days. And using Parquet Margeron makes you just that. Yes, Parquet Margeron is a wholesome spread-for-bread that tastes mighty good, yet costs very little. Why, that family of yours is sure to love its delicate, satisfying flavor. What's more, it's a wonderfully nutritious food, one of the best energy foods you can serve, and a reliable food source of important vitamin A. So I'll bet you'll want to brag a little, too, when you discover the economy of Parquet's delicious, wholesome goodness. But it's easy to find out. Tomorrow, just ask your dealer for Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet Margeron, made by Kraft. Now let's return to the great Gildersleeve who is preparing to return to the Ritz-Sommerfield for his first fitting. Hello, Polkney. No. If you want my opinion as a style expert, you should wear a white mess jacket. Yes. With a black bow tie. That's right. Oh, no trouble at all. Call me anytime you need sartorial guidance. Goodbye, Polkney. Isn't it just a little too early to be wearing a white mess jacket, Uncle? No, not for Polkney, my dear. He just got a job as a soda joker. Well, I've got the amble along now. By the way, what's the time? Haven't you got your watch? No, if I carry it in my best pocket, the bulge might ruin my silhouette. Isn't that silly? It certainly is. I read it in the fashion magazine. I wonder if Bertie has pressed my topcoach yet. Oh, Bertie. Yes, it's Mr. Gildersleeve. And I put a nice flower in the buttonhole, too. Oh, thanks. A geranium. Well, that's better than no flower at all. Or is it? My, Mr. Gildersleeve, it sure is a show valid for you. But when I see you strutting down the street, I nudges myself and I say, Bertie Lee Coggins, you may work hard, but the result is worth the effort. Oh, thank you, Bertie. And just to show my appreciation, here, you can have back the geranium. For me? Well, thank you. Hi, Elk. Say, did you see the big write-up about you on the paper? You mean all about Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, the well-known businessman being selected by a famous New York fashion designer as one of the best-dressed men not only in Somerfield, but possibly in the entire country? Yeah, that was it. How do you know all about it, Uncle? Well, one of the reporters on the paper happened to be talking to me on the telephone, and I guess my clothes just sort of crept into the conversation. Well, that's why you're trying to call the newspaper all morning. It's no, Bertie. Has anybody got the time? Yes, ten past one. Oh, I'll have to hurry right down and try on that new suit Mr. Halchester designed for me. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. I know it's going to look nice on you, Uncle. Yes, and lots of love, Mr. Gildersleeve. Perfect fit, Uncle. What? Oh, I see what you mean. Mr. Gildersleeve, well, send him right up. Okay, let's try out that forty-eighth stub. I got it. Looks so big. Probably fit him like the skin on a raisin. Then you better do a good alteration jab. Now watch your step, and remember, you went back in a tailor shop at Leavenworth. Or else you will be. Come in, Mr. Gildersleeve. I hope I haven't put you two gentlemen to a lot of trouble. Oh, no, Mr. Leslie's a very fast worker. Why, he's practically made that suit fly. Oh, how nice. Could I try it on now, please? Of course. Just slip out of your coat. Yeah. Yeah. Now slide into this one. Thanks. I can hardly wait. Now button it. What do you think, Mr. Leslieve? It fits him just like the skin on a grape. Oh. Yes, sir. You're going to get a lot of comments on that coat. Don't you think it's a little too roomy? Well, for some people, maybe, but not for you. Oh. You're the type that can stand a little room. Oh, can I? What do you think of the sleeves? Are they wearing sleeves over the knuckles this year? Oh. Well, not quite. They should be taken in. Oh. And what about the lapels? If I move my head, the points tickle my ears. Well, they should be taken in, too. Oh, and the way it droops, I mean drapes in front, I can't tell whether it's a loose sack suit or a tight double breaster. Well, in that case, you should be taken in. Yeah. I hope I'm not giving you too much trouble, Mr. Leslieve. Oh, no, not at all. When I sized you up, I must have been using a rubber tape measure. Oh, very good. Now, if you're ready to try on the trousers, Mr. Gillesleve, here they are. Just step into the next room. No trousers. All right, thank you. I'll be right back, gentlemen. Oh, brother. Gee, that's the worst-looking botch yet. I don't know how I'm going to fix that coat up. No, don't worry. All we've got to do is send to the factory for a .44 long. Yeah. And when it comes in, use the back of this one and the front of a new one. What do you mean? Well, this guy's got a tricky shape. He's a .48 stub in the back and a .44 long in the front. But aren't we taking a little loss that way? So what? Why should we? Here he comes. Whatever you do, don't let him get a look at himself in a mirror. He'll jump out the window. These trousers are a trifle too tight. Holy smoke, you gave him Judge Booker's pants. Oh, come in. Come in. I know, Mr. Gillesleve. In fact, I'm a bit disappointed with the way the hole soon has come out. So I'm going to have Mr. Leslie re-cut the entire garment. Oh, say, I don't want you to go to all that trouble for nothing. Well, let's not say for nothing. The alteration fee of $9.75. Oh, well, that's awfully nice of you. Oh, don't mention it. I always welcome the opportunity to make a little change whenever I can. Yes. Good afternoon. Is Mr. Gillesleve home? Yes, and who is it to see him? I am. Excuse me, but who's you? Mrs. Salisbury-Twitchell. Oh, dear Mrs. Twitchell. Well, come right in and rest your umbrella. Thank you. I was just saying, I wonder what that old friend wanted. Will you have a chair, Mrs. Twitchell? That isn't what I wanted, Mr. Gillesleve. I'll explain my visit simply, so you can grasp it without too much of a struggle. Oh, thanks. Mr. Hoppallon Cassidy, the movie star, arrives in Somerville in two hours to aid our big defense bond drive. He does? Why, he's my favorite movie star. I'd like to meet him. You will have that opportunity. One of the members of my welcoming committee dropped some milk on his foot and can not attend. If, uh, why should dropping a little milk on his foot keep him away? If I must go into detail, he's got a broken toe. The milk was condensed in cans and in a case. Therefore, Mr. Gillesleve, in order that we are not faced with the situation of a welcoming committee consisting of 13 members, will you join us? Yes. Yes, gladly. Incidentally, whatever makes sense, you think of little me. Well, it was that story in the paper regarding your selection as one of the best dressed men in town. Newspapers exaggerate so, don't they? Oh, well. You mean this old smoking jacket? Well, don't worry. You'll really be bold over when you see my appearance at the station. Mr. Cassidy's train arrives at 5.52. 5.52. Now please try to be there on time. And if any photographs are taken, please refrain from waving your handkerchief at the cameraman. Goodbye. Well... Dear Commort, I couldn't help listening. Hop along, Cassidy. That's Bill Boyd. Can I come along and see him? Why not? Oh, I know why not. I have to stop at the hotel first and change into my new Orkney Twist Ensemble. But you aren't supposed to pick it up until tomorrow morning. Well, if they promise it for then, it's essential it'll be already now. And I needed to impress Hop along, so can I just come along with you on? Oh, I guess you can at that. If you wait downstairs in the lobby. Come on, come on, come on. Mr. Halchester, but don't you think the style is a little too juvenile for me? Oh, not at all, Judge Schnooker. Hooker! Hooker, sir! Pardon me. No, I purposely designed that suit along Boyish lines to bring out the the Mickey Rooney in you. Oh, yes, yes. I pictured myself that way lately. Oh, you're the Mickey type, all right. With this suit, I sort of feel like I should get a free baseball bat. For the price I paid, you should throw in a picture from the Dodgers. Who's on his way up? Mr. Gildersleeve. Huh? Thanks. Did I hear you say Gildersleeve is on his way up here? You heard the man. Oh, he mustn't find me here. Amazing. Can't I hide someplace until he leaves? Uh, why, yes. Right in the next room. Oh, thank you. Let me know. Let me know when he's gone. Hey, what's that you're doing coming around now? He isn't due till tomorrow. By then, we should be on our way to Florida. Oh, he don't worry me. There's a guy from the Better Business Bureau waiting in the lobby. Uh-oh. Let's get out of here. Take it easy. We got our bags all packed. All we got to do is take an earlier train. What's that timetable? Here, I got it marked. The streamline will leave in 30 minutes. Can we make it? Judgeee in there. Or purgeee out there. Now hide the judges trousers in your suitcase. We'll work the old pants trick on both of them. Uh, enter, Mr. Gildersleeve. Coming so early, but I wonder if I could get my suit now. Oh, of course, Mr. Gildersleeve. Only at first, there's one little detail. Oh, yes. We'd like to compare the measurements of the trousers you're wearing with the new ones. Of course, of course. Would you mind taking them off? Oh, not at all. Not at all. You don't know how nice it is if you do this for me. Here you are. Thank you. Now, if you would kind of wait in the next room. Oh, anything to apply. Just make yourself comfortable in there. Don't worry. I will. Judge Hooker! What are you doing hiding in the corner? And without your pants? Same thing as you are. Being fitted for one of those Orkney twisters. Oh, getting a suit behind my back, eh? That's pretty low, Judge. And by George, I'm going to complain. Mr. Houchester? Mr. Leslie? That's the studio. They're not here. Not only that, their bags and clothing aren't here either. What? Hey, I don't see my pants anywhere. My pants are gone too. This is going to be one of my bad days. Don't get in a panic, Gilday. Maybe they just stepped out in the hall. Come on, let's look. Yeah, let's look in the hall. You go first, Gilday. Okay, you think it's going to be all right? No, it isn't all right. Judge, there's something awfully funny looking around here and I don't mean us. How about froning downstairs? No, I can't. The telephone wires have been cut. Look. No question about it then. They were crooks all right. They introduced me too illersly. Yes, and if I'm a judge you are, Hooker, you can't even recognize a crook when he steals your own pants. Oh, my goodness. My pocketbook was in my trousers. It was? Well, I never get mine. Look, I always keep it in my coat. Oh, jumping jeeps. They did get my lucky half-dollar. What's that? Hear that? Maybe it's all just a joke. Of course. Yeah, that's it. Come on in, boys. Yes, come on in. I'm glad to see you, Unk. I was waiting in the lobby where the hellchester came down and checked out. I didn't know what to think. Checked out? Where'd he go? When he passed me, he was telling another man they'd have to go like 60 if they wanted to catch the Florida train. Say, where are your pants? On their way to Florida. Judge, we've got to stop them before they pull out of town. Oh, we can't dash down the station in our shorts. Couldn't we pretend we're running in a marathon race? Not me, brother. Oh, yeah. I got an idea, Unk. Just take the blankets off this bed, wrap one around each of you, and go to the station that way. Take the blanket. You're a bright boy, Leroy. But we'd never get past the lobby. Well, how about sneaking down the fire escape? There's a taxi stand right below. You're a taxi. That's it. Come on, Hooker. Grab a blanket. But we can't get away with this. Sure we can. When we get to the railroad station, I'll pass you off as a couple of Indians looking for a Pullman reservation. Ha, ha, ha! Hey, wait for us! It's no use, Gildy. We'll never see our pants again. Yes, nor my lucky half-dollar either. Well, what was lucky about it? Say, Unk, you better be careful, your blanket's dragging. It is? Oh, goodness. Yes, Gildy, you look like one of the ten best-dressed beds in town. Yes. Is that so? Why? Oh, hello, Mrs. Twitchell. A fancy meeting you here. Don't speak to me, Mr. Gilder Sleep. Because we are here to welcome a cowboy star doesn't mean that you should come dressed as sitting bull. What? I never did like that. Come on, come on. Let's get out of here before it's too late. Uh-oh. Oh, it is too late. Hello, officer. You guys don't run around here in blankets. Come on, get into the station master's office here before you attract a crowd. But, officer, we were just chasing a couple of crooks and stole our pants. Oh, there they are. Well, Mr. Halchester and Mr. Leslie, so they got you too, huh? That's all. Hi, you, Judge Crooker. You poker! Fine work, officer. I don't know what you're talking about. One of these birds tried to pass a counterfeit coin at the ticket window. But, officer, it wasn't mine. It belongs to this guy. You who? Me? Is this yours, buddy? A counterfeit? Oh, my goodness. It's my lucky half-dollar. The great Gilder Sleep will be with us again in a few minutes. But right now, good cooks good. You know, I think it's their sense of flavor. They've learned the knack of preparing good food because they thoroughly enjoy eating it. Well, that's probably why so many really good cooks use parquet margarine these days. They've found that parquet margarine's delicate, satisfying flavor is pretty hard to beat, and they certainly ought to know. You see, outstandingly good flavor is what makes parquet margarine so different from old-time margarine. Yes, spread parquet margarine on the tables, and one taste will tell you the big difference. And that goes for cooking, too. Parquet tastes so wonderfully good, it's a real flavor shortening for baking, and just about perfect for pan frying. But flavor isn't the whole story. Parquet margarine is a wholesome, highly nutritious food. It's one of the best energy foods you can serve. And if you're vitamin conscious, you'll be glad to know that every pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. From the thousands of good cooks who use parquet margarine and try a pound or two yourself. Yes, tomorrow, sure. Ask your food dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, made by Kraft. Sorry, but our time's up. Good night, folks. Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randolph. This is Jim Bannon speaking for The Kraft Cheese Company and we'll be back with us again next week at the same time for the further adventures of The Great Gilders League. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting...