 Before we get into the video today, I just want to give a quick shout out to one of our sponsors, Gnostic TV. Gnostic TV is ancient wisdom we imagined. This is a Netflix for those who are spiritually curious and want a place to go where there is no censorship. I personally am doing a whole series on Gnostic TV called The Esoteric Explorer where I am providing exclusive content to Gnostic. Gnostic TV is a host to all sorts of different content creators, many of whom are your old favorites. If you would like to check out Gnostic TV, there is a link down in the description box below. Here we go. Hello everybody, welcome back to Esoteric Atlanta. Of course, my name is Bryce. I am joined here with one of my good friends, Miss Angie Tillman of the Fickle Chickle. How you doing, Angie? I'm good. I'm doing really good. I've been missing you. We tried to film for like a couple times last week and then a couple times this week and we're finally together. Listen y'all, we had a tornado yesterday in Georgia and I laugh because if they threaten snow, everybody thinks that the apocalypse is coming and Jesus is coming back. The local Piggly Wiggly sells out of bread and water. It's the end of the world. But if there's a tornado, no one gives a shit except for we don't have power. I was thinking about Angie, we were kids and I know our friends from other countries except I've spoken to people from other countries and they kind of look at me like mystified when I talk about tornadoes and how often we get them and when we were kids like our parents still sent us to school and we would have to go get in the hallway and put our head on the ground and put our hands over our head while the tornado passed through. Meanwhile, our teacher was just sitting there smoking a Virginia slim, gossiping with the other teachers. If you put your head up for a second, they yell it, you put your head back down and then after the life-threatening tornado had passed, you just went back to your desk and worked on your multiplication tables like it was any other ordinary Tuesday. And we had all those drills all the time. All the time. We had to practice for it. I don't even know if they would send kids to school nowadays for the tornado. Our parents were like, best of luck. They dropped us off. Best of luck. Hope you survive. Keep your head down. There's a tornado loose. I think I was in fifth grade in Albany, Georgia when a tornado came through our school. We were at lunch in the cafeteria with all the knives and the forks and all, you know, in the tray, the divided trays. And we took our trays and dumped them out and put them over our heads in the hall. It was awful. It really did bust out windows. Oh yeah. That's... I turned over my swimming pool. When I got home on the school bus, my horse trough swimming pool that was full of water was upside down. Well, that's a crazy thing, right? Like tornadoes kill people. Tornadoes blow houses down and they would just send us to school and just trust that it was all... I mean, that's why we were feral kids. We had a tornado once that took the roof off. We had a back porch and the roof came totally off the back porch, went over our house and landed in our front yard. But tornadoes are very loud. They sound like freight trains when they come through. But yeah, yesterday, we were supposed to film, but your power went out. Yeah. The power out. It's because of... And you just kind of text me. You're like, my power is out. It's not like, damn it, there's a tornado. It's just like, oh my God, it's sort of tornado. We're just kind of like... I know. I kind of love inclement weather. You can tell too. Growing up in a tornadoist area, because we get like four or five of them a year, you can kind of tell with the sky, can't you? It gets a very weird color of gray, and it gets kind of still before the twister comes through. Calm before the storm. Calm before the storm, my friend. So that's what we didn't film yesterday, because Angie lost power because there was a tornado. Well, and yeah, in my neighborhood, we have underground electricity, but out on the big highway at the beginning of the neighborhood, there was power lines and the tree had fallen on a line up there. And that pulls up trees. I know I taught this morning, and I was thinking last night, I was like, if this tornado keeps up, I might have to cancel the class, and I was like, no, I can just go. I know what to do. We were trained what to do. If you're on the road and a tornado comes by, you just pull your car over and get in a ditch. Yeah. No big deal. That's what we were trained to do as kids. You're just driving down 75, and all of a sudden a tornado, you just pull your car over, get out of your car, and you get in a ditch. Like no big deal. But that's how we were, like the North laughs at us, Angie. The Yankees laugh at us in the South, because we literally cannot handle snow, but we can handle tornadoes. Oh yeah. And hurricanes. And we chase them. And we chase them like a champ. We take those hurricanes and those tornadoes like a champ. We know how to do that. So I mean, literally, we're like, teachers are just smoking Virginia Slims while that twister comes right on blow it out windows to picking cars up, picking cows up. So that's why it just gave me a great analogy, I think, to for the topic that we're going to be talking about today is being like in the eye of the storm is where you kind of are when you're going through narcissistic abuse or any kind of emotional abuse. And you even, especially in my case, like I endured it for years and years and years, as long as I stayed really calm, walking on eggshells. Yeah. And then it was like I was in the car, you know, and nothing would happen. But you're constantly holding your breath, waiting for that other shit to drop. Well, let's let's jump off there, Angie. And I told you before we started filming, I've been very open and honest about my trauma with narcissists and therapy I've gone through because narcissistic abuse is so it's baffling sometimes because when you're in it, you don't know you're in it because the abuse is so subtle at first that you think you're the problem, which is the narcissist's intention is to always make you feel like you're the problem. So I'm actually going to put this on speaker Angie and let you just tell the audience, start wherever you want to start about your story with narcissistic abuse. Okay. Well, as a very young child, I didn't really realize that that was what was going on with my with my father, but as I got older, say like I was in high school, you know, first of all, it's like I couldn't, if I was pretty, then he would get on to me for being pretty or if a boy looked at me, then there was something wrong with me. It was my fault. Everything was my fault all the time. But then what really kind of sticks in my mind was in like 10th grade, I was voted for in school that teachers voted teachers and the kids voted for different kids that they thought would be a great mentor to be mentors for others. But your parents had to sign off on it and my dad wouldn't sign it. He said, you have too many problems yourself. There's no way you could help anybody else. And so that's kind of like my first memory of like going, there's something wrong with me. I'm really not, they don't know I've got them fooled, you know. So that was the kind of the first thing that I can really remember. And it just kind of stemmed from there. I just kept trying to please my dad over and over and over and over and over. And right now I've gone no contact. I've gone no contact with my dad since June, even before that. But June is whenever I really said it out loud. Before that I was just not answering his calls or his texts. But now I'm like, I've got to have some space from you, you know, because he'll try to say things like, I'm so proud of you. I mean, I'm, y'all, I'm 50 years old now. Good. You're finally proud of me. But I don't really think he is. I think he's just, he says things just to get me to come back and do his life again. And then he just, you know. Narcissists do that. We were talking about that offline. They do what's called hoovering for the Americans. That's vacuuming where they use and abuse a person, spit them out. And then they vacuum them back in through like love bombing, all that kind of stuff. And kind of like putting really awful hickies all over somebody, you know, like, like sucking. Yeah, they suck. And I will say it's, you know, my therapist, I think too, Angie, because we're raised in the Bible vows. We're taught to honor our father and our mother, and that's not healthy. That's not healthy. If you are, of course, I think the Bible might in my personal opinion is absolutely not the word of God. It's the God of the Bible is Lucifer. So it makes sense that there's so much abuse in the Bible. You know, I have no contact with my dad. And I think when it's your father, there's this pain as a daughter because and I noticed from a very young age, one of my earliest memories is being at my friend's house and seeing how their dads were with them. Yes. And that my dad wasn't that way with my sister or me. You know, and I used to check. I used to just check, write it off that, oh, my father really wanted a son and he only got daughters. Maybe that's it. He just really wanted a son. Well, thank God I never had a brother. I always wanted a father because I feel like it's even worse with them. My dad was terrible to my brother. My brother's been in and out of jail most of his life now. And, you know, I think it's because of the way he was treated growing up. It stems from that. He's he hasn't learned his lessons yet. So every time he gets out, he repeats behavior again. But when we grow up, I mean, you're right, Angie, you start to grow up thinking you're the problem, you walk around your whole life holding your breath. I'll give you an example. And even though I've been through therapy and I can recognize it now within my own thinking patterns, I'll give you a really good example of where that thinking pattern comes. So this morning I teach a 6 30 a.m. class and actually, my boyfriend just walked in. I'm about to use him as an example. I could not get the door open. The door was stuck and it got really cold. And it just was not opening. And so I was texting with my boyfriend, like, didn't know what to do. I sat out by the studio because I usually get there really early and I practice and then teach. So I sat out in the studio, in the parking lot for a couple of hours, like trying to figure out what to do because I could not get this door open. I mean, I was panicked. I was looking for windows to like crawl into. And my boyfriend was like, relax. He was like, if you can't get the door open, because it's stuck, that's not your fault. And I realized I said, well, yes, it is. And then my immediate response was, yes, it is because when I was growing up, literally everything was my fault. I was the scapegoat child. I mean, an earthquake could go off in Chile and it would be my fault. You know, and so any time something goes wrong, I find myself or something that's even out of my control. I find myself like holding my breath because I know I'm going to get blamed for it, which is ridiculous. And he was right. I ended up getting the door open. It was no big deal. And when I talked to Cindy, the owner who has been on my channel before, she's a friend of mine. She was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry that was happening last night, too. We're going to fix it. So it was fine. But my immediate reaction was, I'm going to get blamed for this. Yes. For something that's totally out of my control. But that makes me kind of emotional because that comes back to your childhood. Because you were blamed for anything that went wrong in the house. It was your fault at six, seven, eight years old. Your parents could have gotten into a fight about a mistress. And it would have been your fault. Yeah. You were the one that took that, that got all that. But you know, it's interesting, Angie. You know what else I kind of read is that kids who are the empaths are the ones that pick up on it before their siblings. And you know what else I kind of read is that kids who are the empaths before their siblings. That something's not right. So they already have a nervousness about them because they're already picking up that something's not right. They don't feel safe. Yeah. That was definitely me. I can remember. I can't remember what was said at the dinner table that something was said. I was probably about 10 years old. And you know, I left, I left the table. I started crying and I got up to go to the bathroom to cry. And I overheard my dad say, you know, as I'm going down the hall, she is just overly sensitive. You just can't take a joke. She is overly sensitive. And I don't remember what was said, but I still remember that feeling. I still remember that moment stuck with me. There's a difference. I'm very sensitive. I'm hypersensitive. And there's a difference between a joke and an insult. And a lot of times what narcissists will do is they will insult you. Yep. You react to the insults and they make it your fault that you reacted because it was just a joke. Yeah. That's manipulation. If I made a crass joke and it hurt somebody's feelings, I would feel terrible. Yes. And I would want to apologize that that was not my intention. But for a narcissist, it can never be their fault. They walk on water. I'm going to ask you something. This might be a hard question, but this is something I, Andrew, that these last few months have really the realization and I'm having to kind of work through this honesty with myself. For me, I realized that when I was a child, I was not protected. Have you made that realization that you? Yeah, I was not protected. My mom definitely didn't protect me from him. So I, I mean, I hold her completely accountable too, which is why I'm making certain decisions right now for my own children because I don't want them one day looking back and going, you know, you let that happen. You, you let those things be said to me and, you know, you let him stay. So yeah. And when I think we might have talked about this channel before, but I was raped when I was 14 and long story. I need to share the whole story one day, but long story short, instead of my dad protecting me against that person, that monster, he said I had to marry him because we biblically knew each other and told me I had to quit school in ninth grade and my mom sat there at that table while we were, while I was being told all this and she didn't say a word, you know. And that's almost as painful as the abuse you're getting from the parent that's actually abusing you. Yeah. It's when the other parent does nothing. And when I talk to her about it, she acts like she doesn't remember that. Like that is such a big deal for my whole life. You know, it patterned. I mean, it really was a turning point for me. I mean, I had to, I don't know, beg my daddy to let me stay and, you know, all this, I put on kind of an act. I was like, how can I, what can I do? Because, you know, I know him too. We learn how to, how to also stay, you know. Yeah. How to fawn. How to fawn. It's fight, flight, freeze or fawn. I'm a freezer. I freeze. Rarely do people fight or flight. That's like, that's like normal stress, but freeze and fawn are two of the reactions to extreme trauma and stress is to freeze or to fawn the person abusing you. Yeah. That's been hard for me, Angie. Like, I look, because betrayal trauma is one of the hardest traumas to work through. And I do feel, I love my mother, but I feel betrayed by her. I feel like she's, she ignored a lot of what was going on and not just with, in my own household, in my school. There was a narcissistic system. Yeah. I, there was two instances in, when I was in high school, one where my uterus started to fall out, which is a sign of sexual assault. And one where I was having issues and I had to go to an OBGYN with a tampon. I was having a hard time using tampons and the OBGYN looked at my mother and was like, your daughter's been assaulted. Wow. And my mother said, no, she hasn't. She's like, yeah, you're done. Yes, she has. And then with the other instance with my uterus, I went to my pediatrician at that point and they said the same thing. I remember them saying that to my mom, I don't have memory. Like I don't have distinct memory. But the funny thing is Angie is I have full memory of middle school. Six, seventh, eighth grade, full memory, loved middle school, loved the principal, loved my teachers, had great friends. But high school, I'm missing years. Yeah. And there's years I'm missing. I don't really remember a whole lot about high school myself. I know that my high school friends, when they find me now on social media like Facebook and all, like, we have like a Warden County class in 1991, you know, Facebook page. I know they're all wondering, like, where does she come from? Because I barely would speak. I was like a real, like, recluse loner. And now I'm just all over the place. That should go back. And I think that that also, I think that, you know, we say we choose our life. So I'm sure that I chose to go through narcissistic abuse. I'm sure I chose my parents. So I feel like that's part of a spiritual awakening is, you know, it puts you into a spiritual awakening if you can break the cycle. If you can't break the cycle, you're never going to wake up. But for me, started around 2016. I had my best friend then died in 2016. And before that, she was just always like telling me little things. She'd say, you know, you really don't belong with him. You know, he's really, really not good for you. You know, you could do so much more. Why isn't he letting you write your book? You've been wanting to write this book forever. You know, like, what, you're so, you know, why, why is he so jealous? And why is, you know, like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know because he doesn't have anything to worry about, you know, he doesn't have anything to worry about. And I remember him saying, you know, my mother doesn't think it's a good idea that you hang out with her because they were more like closer at age. You know, Meg was like the crazy one in town. You know, she, she was a writer. She wrote for the paper. She had like a column with all like this, this, you know, the social column. And here I am, you know, very social in this town. But yeah, I'm like, why didn't they want me hanging out with a Starkey song. Crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. No, I'm not. Crazy. Yeah, they will try. And that's one thing. Like, um, they try to isolate you. Any person that sees it for what it is, brings logic. And that's, you know, and when a friend notices another friend friend is in an abusive and that's the thing. Angie, like, you know, some narcissists are physically abusive, but a lot of them are just mentally abusive. And the difference between the mental and the physical is that physical makes like when you are physically attacked, it is what it is. Yeah. Now, sometimes a narcissist will be like, oh, you deserved it. It was your fault. Why do you make me do that? But there's a little bit more of a defining moment. When it's mental, there's so much manipulation that you become a shell of your formal self. Like one of the side effects is you lose a sense of self. You've been drained emotionally. And you've been gaslighting as horrific. Gaslighting is basically like when you remember something happening a certain way and a person doubles down to convince you that it didn't happen that way. I experience a lot of gaslighting as a child. And it starts to riddle you. And you start to question your own sanity. And meanwhile, the person gaslighting you knows full well that they're gaslighting you knows full well that you are right. I know. I want to believe, so I'm still struggling with this. I want to believe that they don't know, but they do. And that gets into the spiritual aspect. Yes, we do pick our soul charts. But we also have this element of the organic portal, which we've spoken about before, which we don't necessarily pick. And all organic portals are narcissists, but not all narcissists are organic portals. And the Cassiopeans and guys, I'll tag a video down in the description box explaining that. They're basically people without souls. They don't have a soul. Now, narcissists who do have souls, the Cassiopeans say that they're a distressed soul person. And they should be treated the same way as an organic portal that doesn't have a soul because they have to heal themselves. And they still act in that manipulative harmful way. So you still do the same thing, which is disconnection. But if it's a soul person, they eventually will be able to heal themselves and stop behaving. Because in order to self-reflect, you have to have a soul. If you don't have a soul, you're not going to self-reflect. You're not going to, to most narcissists, people are just objects to them to use abuse. They don't understand that you have emotions and that you are a living, breathing being that is having your own experience. And they don't care. They just want that. They call it narc supply. So when they're love bombing you, putting you on a throne, they're giving you some sense of, oh my God, they mirror you, narcissists are big mirrors. And I don't know if that's your experience too, Angie, but there's a difference between finding someone that you have things in common with versus somebody who is mirroring you. So like right now. So let's say 20, let's say 2019, I started really getting into, I started talking about the stars and the way things were aligning and astrology and all this stuff, you know, and energy. I would talk about energy all the time. And it got to be where his least favorite word was energy. Don't you talk about energy? Well, Rosie was studying it in school. And so we were just kind of talking about some of those things like plants have energy. They can feel energy, you know, just, you know, good energy makes your plants grow. You should see my orchid too. Electrons, neutrons, protons, that's energy. Well, and so it got to be where I ended up having to get at my own, just have a separate bedroom because it was just like screaming at me all the time. If I even brought up anything, we could be watching TV and something would come, a commercial would come on, you know, or the song on pure energy or so, anything. And it would just trigger him into going, just look at me and I could feel it. Like you're probably gonna say something weird, you know? And so I spent 2019, I was so sick. I mean, that's the year I had to close my store. I couldn't walk, couldn't drive, couldn't, you know, oh yeah. And then there was that control again. I almost felt like, did he enjoy me being sick? Because then I was isolated, I couldn't go anywhere. He had you where he wanted you. Uh-huh. And then I would go upstairs to that room and I literally just would lay on the floor for hours. I wouldn't even, I would at least track a time just lay in there and like meditate. I don't know, it wouldn't really meditating, just laying there, just like, just breathing. And things just started coming to me. I started noticing things like birds, you know, the owl, synchronicities, just as long as like, you know, your guides are trying to tell you something. You know, you're not crazy, you're not crazy. And, cause for so long I was told I was crazy. You're not? No. No. Uh-uh. Y'all Angie, my friend offline too, so. I know a little bit more about the situation. She's not crazy, y'all. She's not crazy. Well, even in mediation, y'all, I just went through divorce. So in mediation back in December 12th, it's very fresh on me, was that was one of the things that they used against me. We weren't in the same room. And so the mediator was going back and forth and he would come in and tell me how they were, he was calling me crazy and saying that I see the fairies and all this stuff that I'm wack of and I need to be put into an asylum, stuff like that. Yeah. So. So it's nuts, but anyway, and it scared me. It scared me into going ahead and settling. Yeah, that's what they do. Well, let me ask you a question, Angie. Does he profess to be a Christian? Yes. Then what the fuck is the Holy Spirit? Right. Dumbass. Some woo-woo thing, huh? Fucking energy, like that's what the fuck is a Holy Spirit? What are guardian angels? You can't judge somebody else for believing in fairies when you believe in fucking guardian angels. God, you can see I'm getting red. It just fucking pisses me off. I've had such abuse from narcissists in my life now that I see it for what it is. I got your card, buddy. Oh, I know. I'm calling it catch and release now because we attract them. So I'm like, oh, yeah, you're the juicer. If you watch HDTutor, the channel, that's like he knows he's a psychopathic narcissist. He talks about that empaths are, they have, narcissists need an empath because empaths give them life force. So narcissists do not have a sense of self. So at the end of the day, if the internet were to shut down and if we were like stuck in my house and I couldn't see anyone or couldn't talk to anyone, yeah, I'd get lonely, but I would be okay with me. That'd be fine. I actually created it. I have a sense of self. I can entertain myself. I know myself. I can settle into myself. I get drained of energy when I'm in public. Thank God. And I have to re, like just. Reboot. Yeah. The narcissist, they have, it's just, there's nothing they can settle into inside themselves. They're constantly having to feed off of other people to give them that sense of self. Yeah, even when we would have days, we would have an argument. I would be like crying all day long. He'd be fine. By myself, and he would go play golf with his friends or go to lunch with his friends. It doesn't matter if the attention is good or bad. It's giving them that fill. It's giving them that supply. You crying at home broken from an argument means that he has massively fed off of you. Yep. So he's full. He's full. And you're left broken, right? You know, and that's the thing too. Like argument, arguing with somebody is definitely a part of a relationship. Like if you don't have an argument ever, then you're not communicating. But going from myself, going from after I left an abusive, totally my whole childhood, it makes me so mad at 40 years old I look back at my childhood and I'm like, what a shitty childhood. I was just abused left, right, and center. The town that I grew up in, right outside of Atlanta, where I'm not from that town, I think it's a cult. I think that town's a fucking cult, in my opinion. People get weird in that town. They have this really glazed over look in their eyes. You talk about Rome? Yes, they think it's the best thing ever. And I'm like, have you been outside of this town? This town's fucking weird. It's fucking weird. And we're not, this isn't the thing Angie, this is why I get weird about it. You know, in the South, we're really big on lineage in the South, aren't we? Like we're big on lineage. Neither one of my parents are from Rome. There's no lineage there. But they act like it's like they're hometown. They get this glazed over look in their eyes. I'm like, I look at my mom, I'm like, you're an ass of some troughs in South Carolina. I look at my dad, I'm like, you're, none of my grandparents were born here. Not like, I wasn't born there. My sister wasn't born there. Like, thank God. There's something to that whole win in Rome, right? It's weird, it's weird. And I got some confirmation from somebody offline that there's some really weird shit that happens in that town. Like there's a reason why I did not like, I immediately moved to Rome when I was a kid I wanted to leave. I would beg my parents to leave. I did not like it. I wanted out. I refuse at this point. It's a strange town. It's kind of strange. I mean, I've only been twice. I've only been twice. I was making a delivery of my pickles at the time. And I remember eating at a restaurant there. And I didn't like it. It's just awful. I'm telling you, there is some dark shit. There is some dark voodoo happening in that town. Like I don't care if I'm offending anybody because this is the truth of the situation. I found out from somebody that there is cabal shit going on in that town. Hardcore, it's a very wealthy town. And I was like, that makes sense. Like when I heard that, I was like, oh, that makes sense. And because I'm an empath, and because I see ghosts and have a sensitivity to this world, I not only became the scapegoat for the living people in my life, but I was targeted spiritually too. And the fact that there were so many people around me that were doing shady stuff in the dark, I could feel that. And I think that they saw that on me. And I was targeted. And I tell you, Angie, my mother moved out of Rome when I was in college. And she moved closer to Atlanta, she moved to Alpharetta. And she lived in Alpharetta for over 10 years. That was the happiest I've ever been. Go to my mom's house, I felt safe there. Well, now my mom and my stepdad have moved back to Rome. I have, in the couple of years since they moved back to Rome, I have not cried this much in my life. I feel so betrayed by my mother. I feel like my mother has always put that town before me, before her child, because I was being abused. I was being heavily abused. And the answer was to leave the town. That was the answer. And I don't understand why we didn't leave. I don't get it because we don't have connections there. All of my friends that I grew up there with there have generations and generations and generations of people from that town. My family doesn't. But they act, it's like they think they do. It's so fucking weird. And I'm like, looking at them, I'm like, y'all aren't from here. Y'all aren't from here. Your asses from South, from the beach, the Williamsbury Stadium, does that ring a bell? And the University of South Carolina, does that strong thermo, does that ring a bell? Your asses from South Carolina. And I would love that we would go to South Carolina in the summer times to the coast. That was the happiest I ever was. Because to me, that was home. That's where I felt safe. And I remember being a kid and we would have to drive back to Rome for school. And I remember my stomach, I'm like an emotional, like being a little kid and my stomach just being in butterflies. And that was the first time I started having suicide ideation, probably when I was like seven or eight years old. Because in my mind, that was better than actually living in Rome. It was constant abuse, constant. And I beg you parents, if your child is being abused, do something, do something, because they're gonna have trauma from the abuse, yes, but at least they'll know, and they'll have that sense of worth that their parents did something. That was another thing too. My son was, he went through a lot when he was in middle school. A lot of abuse from a Baptist Christian school. And my husband never showed up for him. Not once. I was always up there, janking my kids out of, telling off the principal and just, yeah, but not him. He would always say that respect your elders think. Oh, that's bullshit, yeah. I mean, you say yes ma'am and no sir, but if something's going on, just because somebody is an adult doesn't mean they're automatically a good person. And if your child is showing signs of abuse, like I was majorly, I started having night terrors when I was 14 years old. You don't know if people know what night terrors are when you sleepwalk, but in the middle of a nightmare. So my mother, I have two distinct memories. One of standing in the shower, my mother waking me up in the shower with my pajamas on at two o'clock in the morning, standing there just soaking wet. Another of her waking me up in the garage in the middle of the night where I'd run out to the garage. That is a sign that there is abuse happening. And the fact that, and you know what I think it is Angie for me? Like I don't think my mother intentionally didn't protect me. I think for her, because this was the 80s and the 90s, here's the thing about the cult of Rome, Georgia. I'm all, yeah, I'm, I said what I said. Look at the body model. Rome, Georgia is a cult. It's isolated. That freeway doesn't go by it. So it's like isolated, awful. It's horrible. God bless anybody who decides to live there because to me, that town should be burned down. It should be burned down with Sage. Sage, the whole thing, evil, evil tear down all those churches. It's awful. Well, anyway, but Rome is a very wealthy town. There is a lot of money in that town. And money here in Athens too. Yeah. And there's a great divide. There's like other aristocrats of Rome and there's like the poor people. And my family was in the aristocrats. And so my mother's whole social circle was made up of ladies of Rome. And I went to Darlington. That's where you go. It's like the Wadi Da private school was laid with swans on it. And the abuse that I was suffering, I think for my mother, it came down to her survival because if she were to do something or make a fuss, it would have made her look bad and her social standing in Rome. So I once again became a scapegoat and paid the price so that she could continue going to the country club, going to the cocktails, the coutillion, all that kind of stuff. And again, this was the 80s and the 90s. So of course this wasn't, I don't think that even though people are mandatory reporters, I don't think it was that serious then as it is now. But I really had to process that as a 40. I feel like, I'm gonna get emotional. I feel like because I was so abused, that's why I don't have children now. And I always wanted children. And I just don't know if I'm ever gonna have children because I've had to take the last 22 years since I left there to really process the 10 years I lived there. And I will forever be mad at the parents, the guardians in my life for putting me as an adult in a situation to miss out on being a mother because of how horrifically I was treated as a child. Yeah. That makes me, anyway. So if you are living in Rome, Georgia, and you're proud of showing signs, so maybe just get the fuck out of that town. I'm sorry, just get out. There are jobs in other cities. You can find a job in another city. Your child's life is way more important than any social circle and that God forsaken town. I mean, literally guys, the rivers there have three headed fish. We all know that. Really? I didn't know that. That's all fucked up. Listen, Barry College, I will say it. Barry College, when I was a teenager we would go out to Barry and like just fuck around because what else you do when you're 16? And we would climb up in the woods back there. We would find all sorts of voodoo shit going on, voodoo balls, all sorts of stuff going on back there. It is not a safe place to live. Rome, Georgia is not a safe place to live. If your child is an empath, oh, you need to get the fuck out of that town. If you love your child, you need to get the fuck out of that town. And it makes me mad. Like I want to protect all. When I hear somebody is living there, I want to like cry. But there's this legend, because there's a clock tower there. There's like this legend that if you're born under the clock tower, the clock tower pulls you back. And it's interesting because I was talking to somebody else about this who's familiar with- That's gonna be chills. But yeah, I know, what's that gap? I swear, next time you're in Rome, look in their eyes. It's okay. They're all just- It's the best place in the world. I love Rome. Why would you want to live anywhere? It's weird. I'm like, come back to me. Come back to me, honey. Have you seen the movie, Don't Worry Darling? It's a good one. I'll have to watch it. Yeah, it's on Netflix. Don't worry, darling. Don't worry, darling. Well, I was talking to this person that a mutual friend that you and I actually have, Angie, who's aware of Rome. And I've noticed, she pointed out a pattern to me. People who were born and raised in Rome always move back to Rome. People who were not born in Rome don't live in Rome now. So all the people I grew up with that ended up in Rome because their parents got a job there or something, the minute we graduated, they never came back. The people who were born there would go off to college and then they would come back. Yeah. Very weird. It's very much like Athens, very, very similar. And that's the narcissistic system. So when we're talking about narcissistic abuse, you have a human, that one person that can do that, but then there's also systems that do that. Cults are a narcissistic system. And in my opinion, Rome, Georgia is a cult. It is a cult. 100%. Years ago, we talked about moving to Charleston. This was a long time ago. We first got married. And I remember my mother-in-law saying to him, she said, well, you won't have any connections there. Why do you need connections if you're an independent person? You can create your own life anywhere. I ran. Listen, I told you this, Angie. So when I was in high school, I went to a private school, Darlington College Prep School. So I didn't actually know that university was an option until I was in university. I thought, because that was ever, you went, they had 100% because you all got into college. You couldn't graduate until you got into a college. And for those from other countries, we call college in universities. They're the same thing in our culture, where I know in England it's different, but they're the same in America. So we interchange that word. Well, when I got my college advisor, they really rely heavily on nepotism. And so the Williams Brice Stadium, again, Brice is my mother's main name. That's a great uncle of mine that gave the money to build that big stadium, where Trump just actually had a rally, and part of the medical school there. And so as it works, if part of your family gave a shit ton of money to the school, especially enough that there is a building or whatever facility named after your family, they have to let you in. They can't not let you in. It's like right up here, the private school here. There's a Tillman Center. There's a, the family gave the land to the school. Yeah, and none of my children see, I'm just different. I didn't let any of them go there. My oldest, of course, she got in in kindergarten. And I remember that there was another girl that wanted her daughter to go there, but my daughter got the last spot. And I called her on my way home and said, something just doesn't feel right to me. I just wanted you to know that I'm gonna call them in the morning and say that my daughter's not gonna go so that your daughter can. Well, it's weird. You know, it would have caused, like, that's the thing too. Like, I, that's another kind of betrayal I feel towards my parents is the name they gave me. I, listen, y'all, if you're gonna have a baby, give your child a name they can actually live with. But have some empathy for your child. I was given my mother's maiden name, which is something you do in the South, but it's also a boy's name. And that has really caused a lot of problems for me in my life. And if I could do anything, I would change my name because I cannot stand the fact that, and that's one thing about the University of South Carolina. If I had gone there with a different name, no one would have known, unless they knew me really well, that that Bryce was my mother's maiden name and that that was my family. It would have been cool. But because my name is Bryce, and because that's a big thing in the South to give your kid your maiden name, that would have been very uncomfortable for me. Very, so none of us went there, none of us did. But that's another thing too, like, I don't know. I just feel like when you have a child's life in your hands, you really have to have empathy for that child and put them first. You know what I mean? You're a parent, Angie. I thought I liked my name. My grandmother named me. She named me Angela, I go by Angie. She said, because that meant heavenly messenger. And she's the one that said I was gonna break the cycle, which I feel like I just did. Yeah, I wish I could say the same, but I don't have kids. So, I mean, let me close this curtain a little bit. I think the sun is changing on me. All right ahead, girl. Yeah, it's rough guys. And you know, I want this to be, I hate to use the word safe space because that's such a trigger word today. But I want you guys to feel, and with this episode, like, you know, if you've gone through a lot of the same things and have these same feelings, I hope that this is giving comfort, that you're not alone, that there are a lot of us that have gone through this, and you're not crazy. And, you know, it's, but it's hard. Especially during the impact, because we really all, like when you say like we can walk in a rainbow, we can feel it, or we get drained when we're out in public, we can, and we pick up on the toxic people just like that. And it sometimes takes me a minute because I'm a people pleaser. Yeah, well, you gravitate towards the toxic people because you were used to having to fawn the toxic person as a child in order to survive. So now that you're an adult, if you grew up in a healthy child, in a healthy family, then you learn boundaries. But if you don't, and you're the empath, you learn to try to survive. So you fawn the person who's abusing you because they're responsible for you surviving. They put the roof over your head, they provide your food. And so you carry that into adulthood. This is all subconscious. So you're constantly fawning people. When you could very well say, you know what? Like, if you and I, and a healthy person, that group and a healthy childhood walked into a party, and there was a person in that party that had a funky toxic energy, the healthy friend of ours would be like, fuck that person, I'm not going near that person. You and I would be running up trying to fawn them and fix them. Are you okay? Yeah, because our nervous system is stimulated. I don't think my nervous system has not been stimulated. I think my nervous system, my mother used to say that when I was, when I get, she can tell I'm really stressed out because I make fists with my hands when I'm really stressed out. I was looking through old childhood pictures of myself, like one in a diaper, like I'm waddling around and I'm doing this. And I'm like, when did this, when have I ever not been, when has my nervous system ever not been stimulated? And the thing about it is, like I go back and forth with my dad, Angie, I don't know if my dad, he has narcissistic tendencies, but I don't know if he's a full-on narcissist or if he's been groomed by narcissist because his parents weren't. My grandparents weren't narcissists. They were amazing people. It's very strange. Well, I know my husband's mother definitely is. She uses money as her manipulation. Manipulation, yeah. I was always nervous around my dad. Even as a little kid, I was very nervous around my dad and I wasn't around my grandparents. One thing my dad did, which still pisses me off, my mom's parents died when I was young, but I spent a lot of time with my mom's sisters and I grew up with my cousins on my mom's side, like siblings, but my dad's side of the family, my dad treated us like we were guests in his family. Yes. So we were not exactly how my daughters are treated. My son is treated like gold and they are treated like guests. My grandparents didn't treat us that way. Now, this is the grandparents, but... My dad does and my dad, I always felt as a kid, my dad prioritized my cousins, his sister's kids over my sister and me. Like they were prioritized over us. Yeah. And we were not, you know, he was the only son, so my sister and I were the only grandkids with the last name Watson, like his parents. He only had sisters, so of course his nephews and his niece have different last names. Now again, my grandparents were amazing and they never made us feel that way, but my dad did. Yeah. My dad made us, and I just want to, you know one thing my, God. So a few years back, probably like 10 years ago, maybe less than 10 years ago, my dad's dad was starting to take a turn in his help. Like we knew he only had limited time left. And I was trying desperately, this was before I cut, I just said, I'm done. I was trying desperately to have a relationship with my dad. And my dad's sister actually pointed that out to me once. My dad's sister, my aunt said, you know, Bryce, this is a one-way relationship. You are the only one that ever fights for this relationship and that's not how it should be. That's like me and my dad. Yep, and I haven't gotten a call on my birthday or Christmas in over 20 years from my father. Last birthday, my 40th birthday, my boyfriend was shooketh that night. And I'm not even real, it's been so long since my dad's even wished me happy birthday, that I didn't even think about it. We got home after dinner, I was a little drunk and my boyfriend was shooketh. He was like, you turned 40. You were his first born child. Nothing, nothing. I looked, I laughed. I was like, he probably doesn't even remember it's my birthday. Like, well, my grandfather, my dad's dad was dying basically. And but I in the meantime was building my Mysore Foundation and so I thought, you know, I'm gonna ask my dad if he'll be on the board. That will help us get closer. And originally he said yes, but then he called me. I'll never forget, I was driving up 400 to Alfred to my mom's house and I had to pull my car up off the road because I was just shaking. He called me and basically told me that I had no idea what the pain that he was going through because I'd never lost a parent before. Yeah. And I'm sitting there thinking, you're in your 60s. You've had your parents there your whole life. They're there at your beck and call to help you out, to bail you out, to give you advice. I basically have never had a father. And your father is dying. He's not abandoning you, he's dying. My dad, you, my dad abandoned us. Yeah. So don't you fucking dare cry to me about how I don't know what it's like to lose a father. My father abandoned us and then went and got a whole new family. Well, this is not exactly the same, but whenever I first, you know, filed for the divorce or, you know, separated, it took me like two weeks to reach out to my mother. And of course you hear she didn't reach out to me either. So I probably had heard from her in March and this was like mid June. And so finally I call her and I say, hey, mom, I just wanna let you know what's going on. Rosie and I are fine. We are in the house. He is not. I just wanna let you know that we're okay. Instead of her saying like, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do? She said, well, I would have never known. I mean, you're either out with your friends up at the lake, just having a good all time. Like she goes, at least I have my sisters. I would have been like, maybe if you were a little bit better of a mother, I would have felt more comfortable coming in and telling you what's going through. Yeah, I don't wanna have trouble. That's that projection, right? Uh-huh. So yeah, I barely talk about it. It's the same betrayal. It's the same thing. It's, you know, and I think that the healthy thing, it's so hard, but like once you rip the band-aid off and you decide this person is the toxic one, it's not me who's toxic. It's this person. When I made that, with my therapist, I made that decision out. My stepmother, I think my stepmother, in my opinion, she's a borderline. She has borderline personality sort of and narcissism, which is a deadly combination. When my dad and my stepmother first got married, first of all, he didn't tell my sister or me, we never met her. And all of a sudden, I was in Los Angeles working and I, we had those flip phones and I turned my phone off for work and I left and her back on, I had a message from my mom and my mom was like, I'm just letting you know before gossip gets to you, your dad got married. He didn't tell my sister or me, we never met this person. So I had my Yahoo account back then email. I actually ended up having to change email addresses because of this. I would get these emails from my dad's account. I got a bunch of them and I could tell, my father's a veterinary. My father might be an asshole, but he's educated. Yeah. When he writes an email or a letter, he uses the proper grammar and he uses the proper spelling. Oh, I see what you're getting at. So even though these emails were coming from my dad's account, it wasn't my dad. Like every sentence was ended in a preposition, misspellings like crazy. And it was all these emails telling me that I was a mistake that he should have never married my mom and I should have never been born. And even though, and I confronted my dad about this because I was like, I know these are not coming from you. There's only one other person that he's gonna be coming from and that gaslighting. Oh no, no, no, no, that's not, that's not, no. That's not from her. Who else is it coming from? Who else has your email? Your private email. Who else? What, you're gonna tell me your business partners who are also veterinary doctors who are educated and have, or that's crazy. They've been nothing but nice to me. Nothing but nice. They've always, they've known my sister and me since we were little kids when you guys did the business together. So that was betrayal too. So it's like coming from both sides, like my dad always prioritized my stepmother and her kids. They don't have kids together, it's just her kids and her grandkids over us, which is painful. A lot of people go through it. I mean, I've been talking about it more and more and more and I'm hearing it all over, you know that it's way more rampant than we realized. Absolutely. And my boyfriend thinks that my father is a sold person who got trapped by an organic portal multiple times and that's why he behaves in the way he does. But it's the same thing as I was saying, regardless of whether the narcissist has a soul or not, the cure is always the same. Stop feeding the narcissist, right? Yeah, that's what I've had to do. And when I've gone no contact, then one of them says he's working on it, working on himself now. So we will see only time will tell if you can't just take them right on back in. There's no true apology as a change behavior. There is no hook on the end of my fishing line right now. A permanent change behavior. Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, an understanding of what's, yeah, you know, it's sad. I was thinking about that about my dad, Angie. I was like, when the day comes that he's on his deathbed, because we know my stepmother not gonna be around on his deathbed. She's gonna take the money and run, you know? What's his life gonna come to like when he doesn't have his kids there or his grandkids? Yeah, yeah. And that's what you did. You were the one that made that decision. Yeah. Like you had two daughters. And you need to- You're scratching. That's my dog trying to scratch the carpet so she can lay down somewhere. That's not the, Angie doesn't have the narcissist on change in her. It's funny how dogs do that. It's just a rug. It's what they do in the wild. They just pat it down. So, yeah, it's, I just, it is so rampant, Angie. And I think it's more rampant because we're aware now. We're aware that this personality disorder exists. And the problem guys is that most of the time, narcissists will not change. Yeah. And it's that same thing when we were talking about before with like just the, you know, the political stuff or the cabal stuff or, you know, the jibby jab stuff. Oh, there go on narcissists. What you see, you can't unsee. And it's the same with this. It's like, once you see it, my best friend and I, I mean, we're just like, there is another one. And there's another one. Oh my gosh, what were we thinking? We just about, you know, bellied up next to another one. Like we just, we just run. Like, what are we doing? I can't tell you how many times we've started talking to somebody. We're like, oh, she seems so sweet. Or he seems so nice. And then we'll both look at each other and run. Just get out of here. I mean, there are YouTubers that I used to film with who are full on narcissists. People in the truth or community love them. I'm like, if I were to publish some of the text messages. Oh, yeah. I won't do it. Yeah. And some like, I got separated. There were, you know, a bunch of different, let's, you know, men that would wanted to take me out or, you know, and I was not getting serious with anybody. I'm just like newly separated. But, you know, I just thought they were being friends with me. As soon as I told them that, like I just thought we were friends. No, not giving them the supply anymore. And it would either they get really nice. They start sending flowers and stuff, which I didn't want. Or they would just send the meanest, meanest text messages. It's a freak out. Uh-huh. Y'all, I'm telling you, like I've been in so many narcissistic relationships because that's all I knew growing up. And then when I was therapy and I started dating my boyfriend now, it's a night and day difference. When you're with a healthy man who's not a narcissist, you know, any disagreements we have don't turn into full blown. They get settled and squashed, you know. It's healthy and it's listening to each other and it's respectful. And when my boy, because narcissists are also very sexually promiscuous, they always cheat. That's just part of there because they're getting that supply, right? And this is the first time I've ever been in a relationship where I don't have to worry about that happening. I do not. I never had to worry about that because I was giving so much supply. Let's just put it that way. Well, that's a form of abuse too. When you're being, it's terrible about that in the car this morning that there comes a point where if it's too much and you tell your partner, it's a loving partner is going to understand because a loving partner wants you to be happy too. Part of the experience is you also being happy. And if you're saying, I'm sore, I'm tired, can we cool it for a couple of days? They're going to be totally fine. They're not going to go cheat. They're going to be totally fine and understanding with that. So, yeah. I always got the silent treatment during my cycle. Angie, do you know what my boyfriend knows for me during my cycle? This might be too much. My boobs get really sore during my cycle. If he massages them for me, but not in a sexual way, like in a really therapeutic way. There's going to be some people on here hoping that y'all will get an ugly fans channel. No, no, no, no. It's not, it's very, because he's very well aware of like meridians and like, and so he'll actually work out and like, it's not, it's nothing like that at all. It is literally like him trying to make me feel better and that's it. It's totally, so that's the difference between a narcissist and a healthy minded man. Once, whenever I have cramps, he's like, I'm so sorry, it's like, what can I do? What can I do for you? Whenever I feel bloated before my period, I'm like, do I look fat? And he's like, no, he's just, yeah. So, no, like it's your fault you got your period. Like, what's the alternative of your pregnant? You know, so, so Angie, before we close up, where do we go from here? What's the best advice that you can give somebody who's sitting at home right now going, holy shit, I think I've been abused by a narcissist. Like, what is the best advice for the next step? For one, you were not crazy because I really thought I was crazy because of the gaslighting. You start, you start second guessing yourself and that you are not crazy. I'm not crazy. This really happened. And I started documenting. I started, I had a calendar that I only, I would just put like real easy. It would just be like happy face, happy face, happy face, frown, frown, frown, frown, frown, like, you know, rage. And then that's a happy face. And you will see, you will see the cycle, the pattern over and over and over. I still have it. I just can't get rid of that calendar just yet, but, and that's all that's on it. I didn't put any things that were coming up, you know, anything's like schedule-wise, but it was just like just documenting that day with no words, just. Yeah. I think that's the most important things is just honoring that you're not crazy. And I read something I follow a lot of on Instagram. I follow a lot of self-help accounts for narcissistic abuse and trauma and CPTSD. Cause the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse are like Angie struggles with autoimmune. I struggle with autoimmune. You get beaten down, don't you Angie? Your physical body starts to show signs. I am getting so much better. I've been very, very sick for all of December and lots of November. I mean, I've been very sick for a long time, but I was really, really sick in those months. And just within the past week, I've started being able to walk normally. Like I don't have balance. I fall all the time to my right side. And my sight, I think the first time we were gonna film, I couldn't see that day. So I couldn't open, had to keep my eye closed all day long. It is autoimmune. It's called Giant Cell Arteritis. You can call it whatever. It's just called stress-free. Yeah, it's the immune system is attacking itself because you are in, as I love our friend Steve said, you're in distress. You're not in stress. You're in distress. And you're in that state of stimulation for over a long period of time. And so it's going to wreak havoc on your body, on your mind. You're gonna feel beaten down. You're gonna feel like a shell of yourself. And that's okay. As long as you acknowledge that that's where you are, you can start to rebuild yourself back better than you were before because now you have wisdom. And I think what you said, Angie, is kind of my girlfriend's fault, is so important because to own it, one of these accounts, anyway, when these accounts I follow on Instagram said something really interesting. He said, and I do this, the victim of abuse will often say things like, in fairness to him or in fairness to her, referring to their abuser. Even when they've realized they're the victim, they're always still trying to be empathetic to the person who abused them. Yes, I'm still doing that. Yeah, you gotta stop doing that. You gotta own the fact that you were abused. Like I have to, I feel strong saying, Rome, Georgia in my opinion is a fucking cult. Like that makes me feel strong to say, in this town, if you are prioritizing this town over your child, you might be in a cult. You might be brainwashed in a cult. And so in knowing that, in knowing what you went through and you're experiencing and even though people try to gas like you to rewind that and say, no, I know what fucking happened. I know what you said. It's abuse. My therapist said something to me that really affected me. And you hear this a lot, but the way she said it really like hit me. She was like, you need to know as an adult, you need to be the adult that the little girl, your little girl never had. Yeah, it is about, I feel like healing our child, like our childhood wounds. And if we don't, then we're just gonna keep doing it, which is, that's what I've done. I mean, over and over and over. I really don't think I'll do it again. I really don't. Now, not saying that I don't like attract them still, but like I was saying- They will always attract them. Absolutely. Yeah, like catch and release. Bye. Yeah. Throw you back in. Angie, the funny thing is, is like after I stopped dating narcissistic man, I started bringing narcissistic friends into my realm. I, when I was dating narcissistic man, I had great friends and then it switched on me. And so that showed me that some of my shadow work still needed to be addressed because it had just morphed. And it took me a while to pick up on it because I wasn't used to it being a friendship. I was used to it always being an intimate partner. And then I started figuring it out. And so, yeah, I did also just girlfriends or whatever friends that I thought I had. There has been a mass exodus. Yeah, they're gone. It's like you have your friends. It's like my friends, your friends, our friends. None of our friends are here anymore. And some of his friends are kind of gone too because see now they don't have me in his life to create. I'm seeing it all like, oh yeah, we're not doing the dinner or I'm not having you over and I'm entertaining you. For the same person, you're the person you feel comfortable with. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because, you know, my boyfriend, I've been together for a long time. So a lot of his, like the guy who does the intro to my channel, the song, Josh McKay, is one of my boyfriend's best, one of his best friends, like very close. And, but now I feel like Josh is like a friend of mine. Like I can say my friend, it's my friend's friend because we built that and my boyfriend's cool with that. And my, one of my best friends, my friend Chris up in Canada, he and Todd, my boyfriend and Chris have a banter. They like text each other, you know, not a three-way text with three of us, but they'll text each other, bantering stuff. And so that becomes healthy, you know, because you're not trying to isolate, you're not trying to control anybody. I'm not trying to control my boyfriend. He's not trying to control me. It's healthy to have independence from each other, even in a relationship. And my, I think he sent my friend because my friend's gay. And at his last birthday, I think my boyfriend's sitting in a text like menopause is coming soon, my friend. So anyway, but yeah, it's nice to even with like a couple friend that we have, we have like this couples that we hung out with all the time. In fact, the last time we did anything with couples was the night that I made the decision to get the attorney. It was at their house. But cut me off like, because see, when we were couples, we were always the ones like having them up at the lake, having them over to our house, having a neighbor to their house. Now without me, he says they're not talking to him either. It's really kind of interesting. And they've got this other couple that all of a sudden started hanging out with. It's real funny to me. They're hanging out with this other couple that almost it's like identical to me, my ex-husband. Girl, I think you just dropped some extra weight with that one. I think that's a question. You just said the right word. Wait. It's a big girl. You literally, not working physically, you dropped extra weight. She will eat off your plate with her hands. It could be a salad. It's the nastiest thing. My mom's still in wine. My mother will still wine. If you have wine at the time. Well, I'll do that. She'll literally, if you haven't touched your wine, she'll literally come by and take your glass and pour it to hers. You're gonna say, that's what my mom does. She's the wine thief. I can't drink wine. I'm too bossy for that. But listen, your friends are not gonna give a shit how rich you are. They're not gonna give a shit like the ups and down. That's what friends are for. You go through the ups and down. I mean, listen, Angie, I was just, before we started filming, I was telling you about a cheap hotel I found up in the mountains. Yes, I can't wait to go. I know. And I was like, Angie, you know, Angie comes from this spot, the finer things in life, but I know she'll go, she'll go stay some in a cheap hotel with me and just have fun. You know, like, no, because that's the quality of a human being, right? And so. I'm a real light packer too. Me too. Me too. Me too. And I would say too, you know, for people who are coming out of narcissistic abuse, be soft with yourself. Be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know. Build your strength back. Find a good supportive circle around you. Get a good therapist. But there are gonna be times where you're gonna need to be by yourself. There are gonna be times, there are gonna be days where you're not gonna wanna talk to anybody. And that's okay. And I know, Angie, I told you, like, even with your situation, there have been times I've intentionally, like, not contacted you because I want you to have that time to, like, you know, I know that if you're in dire straits, you're gonna text me. Like, I know that you're gonna text me. But, you know, just to have that time to, like, integrate the first holiday, the first, you know, with this new norm, new normal, I hate using that term, but, you know, this new reality for you and getting strong. And I've seen a huge difference in you. You're getting stronger and stronger and stronger as time goes. I was like, we can have a part two to this or just another one about how the spiritual awakening, like the steps of it, because I remember, like, laying on that floor, I remember going through the dark night of the soul. I remember, like, not knowing what that was, you know, like, ah. Let's do that. Let's talk, let's talk for two to this. And let's talk about the spirit. And I would love to hear from our friends watching right now. Like, I'm sure we've got a lot of, I know for a fact we have a lot of friends watching right now who have been through narcissistic abuse. And so if you wanna share your story, you don't have to. But if you want to in the comment section, please do because I know if you feel comfortable because I know it helps other people seeing that they're not alone. And that's really important when you're realizing you're not crazy is seeing the same playbook. The narcissist use the same playbook being used on multiple people to help you figure out what happened to you. And then let us know if there is a topic with a narcissistic abuse or narcissistic recovery that you would like for us to talk about. And we, Andrew and I can do it. And I wanna just clarify for anybody who's new to the channel, I'm not a therapist, Angie's not a therapist. No. We're just talking about this from our own experience of dealing with this ourselves in our own lives. And so I'm few years removed, Angie is going through the fire right now. So, you know, it does get better. The sun does shine again. Yeah. I believe anybody that's even like Googling like is my husband, I'm a narcissist, is my wife a narcissist, is my coworker, then they are. That's the answer. It's like crazy people don't think they're crazy. Or am I a victim of narcissistic abuse? Probably are. You are, yeah. Probably are. Yeah, you're not crazy. Knowledge is power, knowledge protects and knowledge is infinite. And there is help out there. I found a lot of relief from trauma therapy and EMDR therapy. There's so many different modalities. Find what works for you. It is a long road. It does take time. And something I heard this morning in the podcast I was listening to when I was driving which I thought was really great. I reminded myself about it. Healing is not linear. It's super cool. So, you're gonna go through days where you're having really good days and you're feeling strong and healed and then you're gonna have a day where you're triggered and all of a sudden you feel like you were just in the heat of it again and that's normal. That's normal. Don't panic when that happens. It's super cool. You're gonna go through waves of that emotion. So, don't panic when that happens. And there is help out there. Listen, y'all know I love me some weird ass cults. If those people can survive and thrive after coming from that narcissistic system, there's hope for you as well. And you deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your sense of self-back. You deserve to be in healthy relationships. They do exist. There are good people out there in this world and you deserve that and that starts with you healing. So, anything else you wanna end with today, Angie, for our friends watching? I guess that's good. I don't know. I guess that's what I'm gonna get to cooking. Good. I guess I could say don't be a narcissist. Don't gaslight. Don't gaslight. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. If you think you have narcissistic traits, then that might mean that you are a sold person with a soul who is in distress and narcissists, they don't change unless they are aware of their issues. And that's gonna be some major shadow work. Yes. And that's like 1%. So, if you are like, holy crap, I think I'm doing this to my families and you feel guilt over that. Good news is you're probably have a soul and you're just in distress. Go see a therapist. There's some great accounts out there that I follow of people who are diagnosis narcissists and they are actively working to correct that about themselves because they care and they don't wanna hurt their families. I found one the other day and I can't remember the channel but it was a husband and wife and she went no contact with him and they're back together. But they work on it constantly. It seems like I've only watched a couple of their things. Is it a black guy and a white girl? No. No. There's one I can't remember the name of him. There's this guy, this handsome black guy with dreads. I can't remember the name of his channel. I follow him on Instagram. I think it's mental something. It is a YouTube channel too. I'll see if I can find it. If I can find it, some of you guys watching might remember the name. You can put it in the comment section if I can't find it and it's not in the description box. But he is a diagnosed narcissist and he opened up a channel. Kind of like HDTutor. HDTutor has no intention of changing. That's why he goes under a fake name and doesn't show his face. This guy has spent his platform informing people of what this disorder is, how he reacts as a narcissist and trying to help people get out of narcissistic relationships because he feels bad about the way he's treated his wife and his children. And his wife came back, they reconciled and he is actively goes to therapy once a week, actively trying to, and he explains why nurses do, like why they gaslight, why they cheat, all that kind of stuff. There is a very sinister underlying reason to this. It's got nothing to do with you. When they do that stuff, it's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. So anyway, guys, and if you know of accounts that we haven't mentioned that have helped you, listen to the comment section below for our friends watching so that people can get more informed on this. So, all right, you guys, well- That's what I like called Narc Daily. I really liked that guy a lot. Narc Daily, and he's every day. Narc Daily, yep, because we are nurses every day. All right, you guys, well, we hope you're having a wonderful day. If you have been here in the Southeast and you were hit with the tornadoes, we aren't. We do, we laugh about that, but we hope you're safe and your problem is fine. And we'll talk to you guys all soon. Angie's channel links will be down in the description box as well, you guys. So, all right, bye, everybody.