 Poems and Prologue to Gargantua and Pantagruel. Book 1. This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. Gargantua and Pantagruel. Book 1. By François Rabelé. Translated by Sir Thomas Urquette. Poems and Prologue. To the Honoured Noble Translator of Rabelé. Rabelé, whose wit prodigiously was made all men professions, actions to invade, with so much furious vigor, as if it had lived or each of them, and each had quit, yet with such happy slight and careless skill, as like the serpent doth with laughter kill. So that although his noble leaves appear antique and gotish, and dull souls forbear to turn them all, lest they should only find nothing but savage monsters of a mind. No shape and beauty as thoughts, yet when the wise seriously strip him of his wild disguise, melt down his dross, refine his massy oar, and polish that which seemed roughcast before, search his deep sense, unveil his hidden mirth, and make that fiery which before seemed earth. Conquering those things of highest consequence, what's difficult of language or of sense, he will appear some noble table, writ in the old Egyptian hieroglyphic wit, where, though you monsters and grotescos see, you meet all mysteries of philosophy. For he was wise and sovereignly bred to know what mankind is, how it may be led, he stooped unto them like that wise man who rid on a stick when's children would do so. For we are easy, sullen things, and must be laughed aright and cheated into trust, whilst a black piece of phlegm that lays about dull menaces and terrifies throughout, and cajoles it with all its peevish strength, piteously stretched and botched up into length, whilst the tired rabble sleepily obey such opiate talk, and snore away the day, by all his noise as much their minds relieves as cataralling of wild cats fright thieves. But rabble was another thing, a man made up of all that art and nature conform from a fiery genius. He was one whose soul so universally was thrown through all the arts of life, who understood each stratagem by which we stray from good, so that he best might solid virtue teach, as some against sins of their own bosoms preach. He from wise choice did the true means prefer in the fool's coat acting the philosopher. Thus hoary Esop's beasts did mildly tame fierce man, and moralize him into shame. Thus brave romances, while they seemed to lay great trains of lust, platonic love display. Thus would old Sparta if a seldom chance showed a drunk slave teach children temperance. Thus did the later poets nobly bring the scene to height, making the fool the king. And noble sir, you vigorously have trod in this hard path, unknown, ununderstood by its own countrymen, because you appear our full enjoyment, which was our despair, scattering his mists, cheering his cynic frowns, for radiant brightness now dark rable crowns, leaving your brave heroic cares which must make better mankind, and embalm your dust, so un-deceiving us that now we see all wit in Gaskon and in Cromarty. Besides, that Rabley is conveyed to us, and that our Scotland is not barbarous. Jay Dullassal Rableofila, the first decade. The commendation. Nusa, canas nostroru in testimonio amoru, et gargantueas perpetuata faces, utque homini tali rezulte nobilis ecco, quid quid fama canit pantagruelis erit. The argument. Here I intend mysteriously to sing, with a pen plucked from fame's own wing of gargantua, that learned breach-wiping king. Decade the first. One. Help me, propitious stars, a mighty blaze benums me. I must sound the praise of him hath turned this crabid work in such heroic phrase. Two. What wit would not court Martyrdom to hold upon his head a laurel of gold? Where for each rich conceit a pumpion pearl is told? Three. And such a one is this art's masterpiece, a thing ne'er equaled by old grease, a thing ne'er matched as yet a real golden fleece. Four. Vice is a soldier fights against mankind, which you may look but never find, for it is an envious thing, with cunning interlined. Five. And thus he rails at drinking all before him, and for lewd women does be whorem, and brings their painted faces and black patches to the quorum. Six. To drink he was a furious enemy, contented with a six-penny, with piment-hat-band, silver-spurs, six-horses, pie. Seven. And four tobaccos, pater of tunding smoke, much had he said, and much more spoke, but was not then found out, so the design was broke. Eight. Muse, fancy, faith, come now arise aloud, Assembled in a blue-veined cloud, and this tall infant in angelic arms now shroud. Nine. To praise it further I would now begin, Wirt now of thoroughfare and inn. It harpers vice, though to be to catch it in a gin. Ten. Therefore my muse, draw up thy flowing sail, And acclimate a gentle hail with all thy art and metaphors, which must prevail. Which, indeed, in the midst of it, shall give evil to Adam, as they know that all shall perish. Evil will. sure to collect them again, craves thy pardon for such as thou mist meet with. The author's prologue to the first book. Most noble and illustrious drinkers, and you thrice precious, pockified blades. For to you and none else do I dedicate my writings. Alcibiades, in that dialogue of Plato's, which is entitled The Banquet, whilst he was setting forth the praises of his schoolmaster Socrates, without all question the prince of philosophers, amongst other discourses to that purpose, said that he resembled the Silenis. Silenis of old were little boxes, like those we may now see in the shops of Apothecaries, painted on the outside with wanton, toyish figures, as harpies, satters, bridled geese, horned hares, saddled ducks, flying goats, filler hearts, and other such-like counterfeited pictures at discretion, to excite people unto laughter, as Silenis himself, who was the foster-father of God Bacchus, was wont to do. But within those capricious caskets were carefully preserved and kept many rich jewels and fine drugs, such as balm, amber grease, amulmon, musk, civet, with several kinds of precious stones and other things of great price. Just such another thing was Socrates, for to have eyed his outside and esteemed of him by his exterior appearance, he would not have given the pale of an onion for him. So deformed he was in body, and ridiculous in his gesture. He had a sharp, pointed nose with the look of a bull, and countenance of a fool. He was in his carriage simple, boorish in his apparel, in fortune poor, unhappy in his wives, unfit for all offices in the commonwealths, always laughing, tippling and merrily carousing to everyone with continual jibes and cheers. You're better by those means to conceal his divine knowledge. Now, opening this box you would have found within it a heavenly and inestimable drug, a more than human understanding, an admirable virtue, matchless learning, invincible courage, unimitable sobriety, certain contentment of mind, perfect assurance, and an incredible misregard of all that for which men commonly do so much watch, run, sail, fight, travel, toil, and turmoil themselves. Whereunto, in your opinion, does this little flourish of a preamble tend? For so much as you, my good disciples, and some other jolly fools of ease and leisure, reading the pleasant titles of some books of our invention, as Gaugantua, Pantagruel, Whip Pot, Ves-Bant, the dignity of cod-pieces, of peas and bacon, with the commentary, et ketira, are too ready to judge that there is nothing in them but jests, mockeries, lascivious discourse, and recreative lies, because the outside, which is the title, is usually without any father inquirely entertained with scoffing and derision. But truly it is very unbeseeming to make so slight a count of the works of men, seeing yourselves a vouch, that it is not the habit makes the monk, many being monisterially accoutered, who inwardly are nothing less than monarchal, and that there are of those that wear Spanish capes, who have but little of the valour of Spaniards in them. Therefore is it that you must open the book, and seriously consider of the matter treated in it. Then you shall find that it containeth things of far higher value than the box did promise. That is to say that the subject thereof is not so foolish as by the title at the first sight it would appear to be. And put the case that in the literal sense you meet with purposes merry and solecious enough, and consequently very correspondent to their inscriptions. Yet must not you stop there as at the melody of the charming sirens, but endeavour to interpret that in a sublimer sense, which possibly you intended to have spoken in the jollity of your heart. Did you ever pick the lock of a cupboard to steal a bottle of wine out of it? Tell me truly, and if you did call to mind the countenance which then you had. Or did you ever see a dog with a marrow bone in his mouth? The beast of all other says Plato libera secundus de repubblica, the most philosophical. If you have seen him you might have remarked with what devotion and circumspectness he wards and watcheth it, with what care he keeps it, how fervently he holds it, how prudently he gobbets it, with what affection he breaks it, and with what diligence he sucks it, to what end all this, what moveth him to take all these pains, what are the hopes of his labour, what does he expect to reap thereby? Nothing but a little marrow. True it is that this little is more savoury and delicious than the great quantities of other sorts of meat, because the marrow, as Galen testifies, quintus facultatibus naturalibus, and undecimus deiusu partium, is a nourishment most perfectly elabored by nature. In imitation of this dog it becomes you to be wise, to smell, feel, and have in estimation these fair goodly books, stuffed with high conceptions, which though seemingly easy in the pursuit, are in the cope and encounter somewhat difficult. And then, like him, you must, by a sedulous lecture, and frequent meditation, break the bone, and suck out the marrow. That is my allegorical sense, or the things I to myself propose to be signified by these pythagorical symbols, with assured hope that in so doing you will at last attain to be both well advised and valiant by the reading of them. For in the perusal of this treatise you shall find another kind of taste, and a doctrine of a more profound and abstruse consideration, which will disclose unto you the most glorious sacraments and dreadful mysteries, as well in what concerneth your religion as matters of the public state and life economical. Do you believe upon your conscience that Homer, while he was a-couching his iliads and odysses, had any thought upon those allegories, which Plutarch, Heraclides, Ponticus, Eustathius, Cornutus squeezed out of him, and which Polysian filched again from them? If you trust it, with neither hand nor foot, do you come near to my opinion, which judges them to have been as little dreamed of by Homer, as the gospel sacraments were by Ovid, in his metamorphoses. Though a certain gully-gut friar, frère Lubin croque l'ardon, and true bacon picker would have undertaken to prove it, if perhaps he had met with as very fools as himself, and as the proverb says, a lid worthy of such a kettle. If you give no credit there too, why do not you the same in these jovial new chronicles of mine? Albeit when I did dictate them, I thought upon no more than you, who possibly were drinking the whilst, as I was. For in the composing of this lordly book, I never lost nor bestowed any more nor any other time than what was appointed to serve me for taking of my bodily refection, that is whilst I was eating and drinking. And indeed that is the fittest and most proper hour wherein to write these high matters and deep sciences, as Homer knew very well the paragon of all philologues, and Ennius, the father of the Latin poets, as Horace calls him, although a certain sneaking jobbernall alleged that his verses smelled more of the wine than the oil. So saith a ture Lubin or new start-up grub of my books, but a turd for him, the fragrant odour of the wine, how much more dainty, pleasant, laughing, rien, prion, frion. Celestial and delicious it is, than that smell of oil, and I will glory as much when it is said of me that I have spent more on wine than oil, as did DeMostinese, when it was told him that his expense on oil was greater than on wine. I truly hold it for an honour and praise to be called and reputed a frolic gualter, and a Lubin goodfellow, for under this name am I welcome in all choice companies of pantagrualists. It was up braided to DeMostinese by an envious, surly knave that his orations did smell like the sapler or wrapper of a foul and filthy oil vessel, for this cause interpret you all my deeds and sayings in the perfectest sense, reverence the cheese-like brain that feeds you with these fair bilivises and trifling jollities, and do what lies in you to keep me always merry. Be frolic now, my lads, cheer up your hearts and joyfully read the rest, with all the ease of your body and profit of your reins. But harken, jolt heads, you viadases, or dickens take ye, remember to drink a health to me for the like favour again, and I will pledge you instantly to teres metis. Chabale to the reader. Good friends, my readers, who peruse this book, be not offended whilst on it you look. Deneud yourselves of all depraved afexion, for it contains no badness nor infexion. It is true that it brings forth to you no birth of any value but in point of mirth. Thinking therefore how sorrow might your mind consume, I could no apter subject find. One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span, because to laugh is proper to the man. End of Poems and Prologue Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 1 of Gaugantua and Pantagruel Book 1 This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson Gaugantua and Pantagruel Book 1 by François Rablet translated by Sir Thomas Urquette Chapter 1 of the Genealogy and Antiquity of Gaugantua I must refer you to the great chronicle of Pantagruel for the knowledge of that genealogy and antiquity of race by which Gaugantua is come unto us. In it you may understand more at large how the giants were born in this world, and how from them, by a direct line, is sued Gaugantua, the father of Pantagruel, and do not take it ill, if for this time I pass by it. Although the subject be such, that the oftener it were remembered, the more it would please your worshipful senorias, according to which you have the authority of Plato in Philebo and Gaugias, and of Flaccus, who says that there are some kinds of purposes, such as these are without doubt, which the frequently are they be repeated, still prove the more delectable. Would to God everyone had a certain knowledge of his genealogy since the time of the Ark of Noah until this age. I think many are at this day emperors, kings, dukes, princes, and popes on the earth, whose extraction is from some porters and pardon peddlers. As on the contrary, many are now poor wandering beggars, wretched and miserable, who are descended of the blood and lineage of great kings and emperors, occasioned, as I conceive it, by the transport and revolution of kingdoms and empires, from the Assyrians to the Medes, from the Medes to the Persians, from the Persians to the Macedonians, from the Macedonians to the Romans, from the Romans to the Greeks, from the Greeks to the French, and to give you some hint concerning myself, who speaks unto you. I cannot think but I am come of the race of some rich king or prince in former times, for never yet saw you any man that had a greater desire to be a king, and to be rich than I have, and that only that I may make good cheer, do nothing, nor care for anything, and plentifully enrich my friends and all honest and learned men. But herein do I comfort myself that in the other world I shall be so, yea, and greater too than at this present I dare wish, as for you, with the same or a better conceit, consulate yourselves in your distresses, and drink fresh if you can come by it. To return to our weathers, I say that by the sovereign gift of heaven, the antiquity and genealogy of Gargantua has been reserved for our use more full and perfect than any other except that of the messiahs, whereof I mean not to speak, for it belongs not unto my purpose, and the devils, that is to say the false accusers and dissembled gospelers, will therein oppose me. This genealogy was found by John Andrew in a meadow, which he had near the pole arch, under the olive tree, as you go to Narcy, where as he was making them cast up some ditches, the diggers with their mattocks struck against a great brazen tomb, and unmeasurably long, for they could never find the end thereof, by reason that it entered too far within the sluices of Vienna. Opening this tomb in a certain place thereof, sealed on the top with the mark of a goblet, about which was written in Etrurian letters, Hic Bibitur. They found nine flagons set in such order as they used to rank their kiles, in Gascony, of which that which was placed in the middle had under it a big, fat, great, gray, pretty, small, mouldy little pamphlet, smelling stronger but no better than roses. In that book the said genealogy was found written all at length in a chancery hand, not in paper, not in parchment, nor in wax, but in the bark of an elm tree, yet so worn with the long tract of time that hardly could three letters together be there perfectly discerned. I, though unworthy, was sent for thither, and with much help of those spectacles, whereby the art of reading dim writings, and letters that do not clearly appear to the sight, is practised, as Aristotle teacheth it, did translate the book as you may see in your pantagruelising, that is to say in drinking stiffly to your own heart's desire, and reading the dreadful and horrific acts of pantagruel. At the end of the book there was a little treatise entitled The Anti-Doted Far Fallouche, or a Gallimatia of Extravagant Conceits. The rats and moths, or that I may not lie, other wicked beasts, had nibbled off the beginning. The rest I have here to subjoin'd, for the reverence I bear to antiquity. End of Chapter 1. Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey. Chapter 2 of Gargantua and Pantagruel. Book 1. This is a Librivox recording, or Librivox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit Librivox.org. Recording by Martin Geeson. Gargantua and Pantagruel. Book 1. By François Rablet. Translated by Sir Thomas Urquette. Chapter 2. The Anti-Doted Far Fallouche, or a Gallimatia of Extravagant Conceits, found in an ancient monument. Hmm. No sooner did the Symbrians overcomer, pass through the air to shun the dew of summer, but at his coming straight great tubs were filled with pure fresh butter, down in showers distilled, wherewith, when watered was his grandam, hey, allowed, he cried, fish it, sir, I pray, because his beard is almost all berayed, or that he would hold to him a scale, he prayed. To lick his slipper some told was much better than to gain pardons and the merit greater. In the interim a crafty chaff approaches, from the depth is sued, where they fish for roaches, who said, good sirs, some of them let us save. The eel is here, and in this hollow cave you'll find, if that our looks on it demure, a great waste in the bottom of his fur. To read this chapter when he did begin, nothing but a calf's horns were found therein. I feel, cooth he, the miter which doth hold my head so chill, it makes my brains take cold. Being with the perfume of a turnip warmed, to stay by chimney hearths himself he armed, provided that a new thill-horse they made of every person of a hare-brained head. They torqued of the bung-hole of St. Nules, of Gilbatha, and thousand other holes, if they might be reduced to a scary stuff, such as might not be subject to the cough. Since every man unseemly did it find to see them gaping thus at every wind, for if perhaps they handsomely were clothed, for pledges they to men might be exposed. In this arrest by Hercules the raven was flayed at herp, his return from Libya Haven. Why am not I, said Minos, there invited, unless it be myself not ones omitted? And then it is their mind I do no more of frogs and oysters send them any store. In case they spare my life and prove but civil, I give their sale of distaffs to the devil. To quell him comes Q. B., who limping frets at the safe pass of tricksy crackerets. The bolter, the grand cyclops' cousin, those did massacre whilst each one wiped his nose. Few ingles in this fallow ground or bread, but on a tanner's mill are winnowed. Randither all of you, the alarm sound clear, you shall have more than you had the last year. Short while thereafter was the bird of Jove, resolved to speak, though dismal it should prove. Yet was afraid when he saw them in ire, they should all throw quite flat down dead the empire. He rather chooseet the fire from heaven to steal, to boats where were red herrings put to sail, than to be calm against those who strive to brave us, and to the musselettes fond words enslave us. All this at last concluded gallantly, in spite of Arte and her hern like thigh, whose sittings o'er Penthesilea tain in her old age for a crest selling queen. Each one cried out, Thou filthy collier toad, Doth it become thee to be found abroad? Thou hast the Roman standard filched away, which they in rags of parchment did display. Juno was born, who under the rainbow was a bird catching with her duck below, when her with such a grievous trick they plied, that she had almost been bethwackered by it. The bargain was that of that throatful she should of Proserpina have two eggs free, and if that she thereafter should be found, she to a hawthorn hill should be fast bound. Seven months thereafter, lacking twenty-two, ye that of old did Carthage Town undo, did bravely midst them all himself advance, requiring of them his inheritance. Although they justly made up the division, according to the shoe-welt law's decision, by distributing store of brews and beef to these poor fellers that did pen the brief. But the year will come, sign of a Turkish bow, five spindles yarned, and three pot-bottoms too, wherein of a discertious king the dock shall peppered be under a hermit's frock. Ah, that for one she hypocrite you must permit so many acres to be lost. Cease, cease, this visard may become another. Withdraw yourselves unto the serpent's brother. Tis in times past that he who is shall reign with his good friends in peace, now and again. No rash nor heady prince shall then rule Crave. Each good will its abitrimant shall have, and the joy promised of old as doom to the heavens' guests, shall in its beacon come, then shall the breeding-mairs that be numbed where, like royal polfries ride triumphant there. And this continue shall, from time to time, till Mars be fettered for an unknown crime, then shall one come, who others will surpass, delightful, pleasing, matchless, full of grace. Cheer up your hearts, approach to this repast, all trusty friends of mine, for he's deceased, who would not for a while to return again. So highly shall time past be cried up, then. He who was made of wax shall lodge each member, close by the hinges of a block of timber. We then no more shall master, master, hoot, the swagger, who the alarm bell holds out. Could one seize on the dagger which he bears, heads would be free from tingling in the ears, to baffle the whole storehouse of abuses. Then thus farewell, Apollo and the Muses. End of Chapter 2. Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey. Chapter 3 of Gargantua and Pantagruel, Book 1. This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. Gargantua and Pantagruel, Book 1. By François Rabelé. Translated by Sir Thomas Urquette. Chapter 3. How Gargantua was carried eleven months in his mother's belly. Gargantua was a good fellow in his time, and notable jester. He loved to drink neat, as much as any man that then was in the wild, and would willingly eat salt meat. To this intent he was ordinarily well furnished with gammons of bacon, both of Westphalia, mayans, and bayon, with store of dried neat's tongues, plenty of lynx, chitterlings, and puddings in their season, together with salt, beef, and mustard, a good deal of hard rows of powdered mullet, called botargos. Great provision of sausages, not of bologna, for he feared the Lombard Bocone, but of bigur, longone, brene, and rouard. In the vigor of his age he married Gargamel, daughter to the king of the Parpayon, a jolly pug, and well-mouthed wench. These two did often times do the two-backed beast together, joyfully rubbing and frotting their bacon against one another. In so far that it last she became great with child of a fair son, and went with him unto the eleventh month. For so long, yea, longer, may a woman carry her great belly, especially when it is some masterpiece of nature, and a person predestinated to the performance in his due time of great exploits. As Homer says that the child which Neptune begot upon the nymph was born a whole year after the conception, that is in the twelfth month. For, as Aulus Gelius says, libertarius, this long time was suitable to the majesty of Neptune, that in it the child might receive his perfect form. For the like reason Jupiter made the night wherein he lay with Alcmaena last forty-eight hours, a shorter time not being sufficient for the forging of Hercules, who cleansed the world of the monsters and tyrants, wherewith it was suppressed. My masters, the ancient pantagrualists, have confirmed that which I say, and with all declared it to be not only possible, but also maintained the lawful birth and legitimation of the infant born of a woman in the eleventh month after the decease of her husband. Hippocrates liber de alimento, plinius liber septimus caput quindus, plortus in his chistellaria, marcus varro in his satire inscribed the testament, alleging to this purpose the authority of Aristotle. Censorinas liber de die natali, Aristotelis liber septimus caput three and four de natura animalium, Delius liber tertius caput sedecim servius in his exposition upon this verse in Virgil's eclogs, Matri longa dechem et ketira, and a thousand other fools whose number has been increased by the lawyers, folliste suis et legitimo intestato paragrafo fin. And inauthentica de restitutionibus et ea quai parit in un decimumense. Moreover, upon these grounds they have foisted in their robidiladic or lapituroliv law. Gallus folliste libero et postimo libero septimo folliste startu aluminum, and some other laws which at this time I dare not name. By means whereof the honest widows may without danger play at the close buttock game with might and main, and as hard as they can for the space of the first two months after the decease of their husbands. I pray you, my goodlusty sprinkle lads, if you find any of these females that are worth the pains of untying the cot-piece point, get up, ride upon them, and bring them to me. For if they happen within the third month to conceive, the child should be heir to the deceased. If before he died he had no other children, and the mother shall pass for an honest woman. When she is known to have conceived, thrust forward boldly, spare her not whatever be tied you, seeing the paunch is full. As Julia, the daughter of the Emperor Octavian, never prostituted herself to her belly bumpers, but when she found herself with child, after the manner of ships that receive not their steersmen till they have their ballast and lading. And if any blame them for this their ratter coniculation and reiterated lectury upon their pregnancy and big belliedness, seeing beasts in the like exigent of their fullness will never suffer the male masculine to encroach them. Their answer will be that those are beasts, but they are women, very well skilled in the pretty veils and small fees of the pleasant trade and mysteries of superfitation. As Populia heir to four answered, according to the relation of Macrobius, liber secundus Saturnalia. If the devil will not have them to back, he must wring hard the spigot and stop the bung-hole. End of Chapter 3 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 4 of Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 by François Rébelet Translated by Sir Thomas Urichart Chapter 4 How Gargamel, being great with Gargantua, did eat a huge deal of tribes. The occasion and manner how Gargamel was brought to bed and delivered of her child was thus, and if you do not believe it, I wish your bum-gut fall out and make an escapade. Her bum-gut indeed, or Fundament, escaped her in an afternoon, on the third day of February, with having eaten at dinner too many godebillos. Godebillos are the fat tribes of coirose. Coirose are beavers fattened at the cratch in ox stalls, or in the fresh Guimo meadows. Guimo meadows are those that for their fruitfulness may be mowed twice a year. Of those fat beavers, they had killed 367,014 to be salted at Trovetide, that in the entering of the spring they might have plenty of powdered beef, wherewith to season their mouths at the beginning of their meals, and to taste their wine the better. They had abundance of tribes, as you have heard, and they were so delicious that everyone licked its fingers. But the mischief was this, that for all men could do there was no possibility to keep them long in that relish, for in a very short while they would have stunk, which had been an indecent thing. It was therefore concluded that they should be all of them gulched up without losing anything. To this effect they invited all the burgers of Sennet, of Swale, of the Rose Claire Maraud, of Valgadrie, without omitting the Cordre, Montpensier, the Gu de Vede, and other neighbors, all stiff drinkers, brave fellows, and good players at the Kiles. The good man Grand Goussier took great pleasure in their company, and commanded there to be no want, no pinching for anything. Nevertheless he bade his wife each baringly, because she was near her time, and that these tribes were no very commendable meat. They would feign, said he, be at the chewing of orger, that would eat the case wherein it was. Notwithstanding these admonitions, she did eat sixteen quarters, two bushels, three pecks, and a pipkin full. All the fair fecality were worth she swelled, by the ingredients of such shitting stuff. After dinner they all went out in a hurl to the grove of the willows, where, on the green grass, to the sound of the merry flutes and pleasant bagpipes, they danced so gallantly, that it was a sweet and heavenly sport to see them so frolic. End of Chapter 4 Chapter 5 of Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings, are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 by Francois Rebelet Chapter 5 The Discourse of the Drinkers Then did they fall upon the chat of victuals, and some belly furniture to be snatched, at in the very same place. Which purpose was no sooner mentioned, but forewith, began flaggants to go, gammons to trot, goblets to fly, great bowls to ting, glasses to ring, draw, reach, fill, mix, give it me without water. So, my friend, so whip me off this glass neatly, bring me hither some claret, a full weeping glass till it run over, a cessation and truce with thirst. Ha, thou false fever, wilt thou not be gone? By my figgan's godmother, I cannot as yet enter into the humor of being merry, nor drink so currently as I would. You have cast a cold gammer? Yay, forsooth, sir. By the belly of Saint Buff, let us talk of our drink. I never drink but at my hours, like the pope's mule, and I never drink but in my bravery, like a dear father guardian. Which was first, thirst or drinking? Thirst. For who in the time of innocence would have drunk without being a thirst? Nay, sir, it was drinking. For Proviatio, praise upon it, habituum. I am learned, you see, forsoondy, salaces, chem non-facere, discernum. We pour innocence drink but too much without thirst. Not I truly, or my sinner, for I never drink without thirst, either present or future. To prevent it, as you know, I drink for the thirst to come. I drink eternally. This is to me an eternity of drinking, and drinking of eternity. Let us sing, let us drink, and tune up our round delays. Where is my funnel? What? It seems I do not drink but by an attorney. Do you wet yourselves to dry? Or do you dry to wet you? Pish, I understand not the rhetoric, theoric, I should say, but I help myself somewhat by the practice. Faced enough, I suck, I wet, I hummect, I moisten my gullet, I drink, and all for fear of dying. Drink always, and you shall never die. If I drink not, I am a ground, dry, graveled, and spent. I am stark dead without drink, and my soul ready to fly into some marsh amongst frogs. The soul never dwells in a dry place, drowth killeth it. O you butlers, creators of new forms, make me of no drinker a drinker, a perennity, an everlastingness of sprinkling, and be doing me, though these my parched and sinnally bowels. He drinks in vain that feels not the pleasure of it. This entereth into my veins, the pissing tools and urinal vessels shall have nothing of it. I would willingly wash the stripes of the calf, which I apparel this morning. I have pretty well now ballasted my stomach and stuffed my points. If the papers of my bonds and bills could drink as well as I do, my creditors would not warrant for wine when they come to see me. O when they are to make any formal exhibition of their rights to what of me they can demand, this hand of yours spoils your nose. O how many other shall such enter here before this go out? What, drink so shallow? It is enough to break both gurgs and petrol. This called a cup of dissemination of flaginal hypocrisy. What difference is there between a bottle and a flagon? Great difference, for the bottle is stopped and shut up with a stopper, but the flagon, with a vice, laputel, esferme, abushan, el aflacan avi, bravely and well played upon the words. Our fathers drank lustily and emptied their cans, well cackled, well sung. Come, let us drink. Will you send nothing to the river? Here is one going to wash the stripes. I drink no more than the sponge. I drink like a Templar Knight. And I, Tamquam Sponsors. And I, Sikker Teresin Aqua. Give me a synonym for a gammon of bacon. It is the compulsory of drinkers. It is a pulley. By a pulley rope, wine is let down into a cellar, and by a gammon into the stomach. Hey, now boys, hither, some drink, some drink. There is no trouble in it. Rispis presanum pon pro duos, was not est inusu. If I could get up as well as I could swallow down, I had been long air now, very high in the air. Thus became Tom Tospat Rich. Thus went in the Taylor Stitch. Thus did Batchis conquer the end. Thus philosophy maligned. A little rain allays a great deal of wind. Long tippling breaks the thunder. But if there came such liquor for my ballock, were you not willingly there after, suck the utter, once it issued? Here, page fill, I prithee. Forget me not when it comes to my turn, and I will enter the election I have made of thee into the very register of my heart. Sub, Gilead, and spare not. There is someone in the pot. I appeal from thirst and disclaim its jurisdiction. Page, sue out my appeal and form. This remnant in the bottom of the glass must follow its leader. I was wont here to forward to drink out all, but now I leave nothing. Let us not make too much haste. It is requisite we carry all along with us. Hey, they, hear a tripe fit for our sport, and in earnest excellent go to billios, of the dun ox, you know, with the black streak. O, for God's sake, let us last them soundly, yet thriftily. Drink, or I will. No, no, drink, I beseech you. O, ze vu, ze vu prithee. Sparrows when I eat, unless you bob them on the tail, nor can I drink if I be not fairly spoke to. The concavities of my body are like another hell for their capacity. Lagana Datura, lagan letterus cavitus, aides orcus, and eteros altar, there is not a corner, nor a corny burrow in all my body. Where this wine doth not ferret out my thirst. O, this was bang it soundly, but this shall banish it utterly. Let us wind our horns by the sound of flagons and bottles, and cry aloud, that whorever hath lost his thirst, come not hither to seek it. Long clisters of drinking are to be voided without doors. The great God made the planets, and we make the platters neath. I have the word of the gospel in my mouth, Sidio. The stone called asbestos is not more unquenchable than the thirst of my paternity. Appetite comes with eating, says Angistan, but the thirst goes away with drinking. I have a remedy against thirst, quite contrary to that which is good against the biting of a man dog. Keep running after a dog, and he will never bite you. Drink always before the thirst, and it will never come upon you. There I catch you, I awake you. Argus had a hundred eyes for his sight. The butler should have, like Braearius, a hundred hands we're with to fill us wine into fatiguerly. Hey now, lads, let us moisten ourselves. It will be time to dry hereafter. White wine here, wine, boys, pour out oil in the name of Lucifer. Fill here, you, fill, and fill. Peace God's on you, till it be full. My tongue pills. Lens, drink, eh, to thee, countrymen. I drink to thee, good fellow, comrade to thee. Lusty, lively, halala, that was drunk to some purpose, and bravely gulped over. Oh, Lachryma Christi, it is of the best grape. I faith pure Greek, Greek, o' the fine white wine. Upon my conscience, it is a kind of taffetist wine. Hen, Hen, it is of one ear, well wrought, and of good wool. Courage, comrade, up thy heart, billy. We will not be beasted at this bout. For I have got one trick, x-hawk and hawk. There is no enchantment nor charm there. Every one of you has seen it. My apprenticeship is out. I am a free man at this trade. I am presto mass, presto masse, maestri passe. Prish, brum, I should say, master pass. Oh, the drinkers, those that are dry. Oh, poor, thirsty souls, good paves. My friend, fill me here some, and crown the wine. I pray thee, like a carnal, natural, abhorrent vacuum. Would you say that it fly could drink in this? This is after the fashion of Switzerland. Clear off, neat, supernaculum. Come, therefore, blaze to this divine liquor and celestial juice. Swill it over heartily, and spare not. It is a decoction of nectar and embrosia. End of Chapter 5. Chapter 6 of Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 by François Revalet Translated by Sir Thomas Urquhart Chapter 6 How Gargantua was born in a strange manner. Whilst they were on this discourse and pleasant tattle of drinking, Gargamel began to be a little unwell in her lower parts, whereupon Grand Goussier arose from off the grass and fell to comfort her very honestly and kindly, suspecting that she was in travail and told her that it was best for her to sit down upon the grass under the willows, because she was liked very shortly to see young feet, and that therefore it was convenient she should pluck up her spirits and take a good heart of new at the fresh arrival of her baby, saying to her with awe that although the pain was somewhat previous to her, it would be but a short continuance, and that the succeeding joy would quickly remove that sorrow, in such short that she did not so much as remember it. On with a sheep's courage, Coltie, dispatch this boy, and we will speedily fall to work for the making of another. Ha, said she, so will as you speak at your own ease, you that are men. Well then, in the name of God, I'll do my best, seeing that you will have it so, but we'll to God that it will cut off from you. What, said Gron Goussier, ha, said she, you are a good man indeed, you understand it well enough. What, my member, said he, by the goat's blood, if it please you, that shall be done instantly. Cause bring hither a knife. Alas, said she, the Lord forbid and pray Jesus to forgive me. I did not say it from my heart, therefore let it alone, and do not do it neither more or less any kind of harm for me speaking so to you. But I am like to have work enough to do today and all for your member, yet God bless you and it. Courage, courage, said he, take you no care of the matter, let the four or most oxen do the work. I will yet go drink one with more, and if in the meantime anything before you that may require my presence, I will be so near to you that at the first whistling in your fist, I shall be with you forthwith. A little while after she begun to groan, lament and cry, then suddenly came the midwives from all quarters who, groping her below, found some the lottery, which was a certain filthy stuff, and if it tastes truly bad enough, this they thought had been the child, but it was her fundament that was slipped out with the modification of her straight entrail, which you call the bum guts, and that merely by eating of too many tripes, as we have showed you before, were upon an old ugly truck in the company who had the repute of an expert chief physician. That was come from Britspae, near to St. Geno. We school years before, made her so horribly restrictive in binding medicine, and whereby all her lares, arse pipes, and conduits were so opillated, stopped, obstructed, and contracted, that you could hardly have opened and enlarged them with your teeth, which is a terrible thing to think upon. Same the devil at the mass at St. Martin's was puzzled with right past, when with his teeth, he had lengthened out the parchment, whereupon he wrote the tittle-tattle of two young, dingy oars. By this inconvenient, the cotyledons of her matrix were presently loosed, through which the child sprang up and leaked, and so, entering into the hollow vein, he did climb by the diaphragm, even above her shoulders, where the vein divides itself into two, and from Vince, taking his way towards the left side, to soon form at her left ear. As soon as he was born, he cried not as other babies used to do, yes, yes, yes, yes, but with the highest sturdy and big voice shouted about, some drink, some drink, some drink, as inviting all the world to drink with him. The noise hereof was so extremely great, that it was heard in both the countries at once, of Versailles and Biborelle. I doubt me that you do not thoroughly believe the truth of this strange nativity, though you believe it not, I cannot much, but an honest man, and a good judgment, believing still what is told him, and that which he finds written. Is this beyond our law, or our faith, against reason or the Holy Scripture? For my part, I find nothing in the sacred Bible that is against it, but tell me, if it had been the will of God, would you say that he could not do it? Ah, for favor's sake, I beseech you, never imbaluckuck, or imporegophize your spirits with these vain thoughts and idle conceits, for I tell you, it is not impossible with God, and if he please, all women henceforth should bring forth their children at the ear. Was not Dacus engendered out of the very thigh of Jupiter? Did not Rokatelia come out of his mother's heel? And Kropmosh, from the slipper of his nurse, was not maneuver born of the grain, even through the ear of Job, a doness of the bark of the miretry, and castor and pollux of the dute of that egg which was laid and hatched by Lita? For you will wonder more, and with far greater amazement, if I should now present you with that chapter of Plinius, wherein he treated of strange births, and contrary to nature, and yet am not I so impudent a liar as he was. Read the seventh book of his natural history, Chapter 3, and trouble not my head any more about this. End of Chapter 6 Chapter 7 of Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 1 Gargantua had his name given him, and how he tippled, bibbed, and curried the can. The good man, Grand Guzier, drinking and making merry with the rest, heard the horrible noise which his son had made as he entered into the light of this world, when he cried out, Some drink, some drink, some drink, whereupon he said in French, That is to say, how great and nimble a throat thou hast. Which the company hearing said that verily the child ought to be called Gargantua, because it was the first word that, after his birth, his father had spoke. In imitation, and at the example of the ancient Hebrews, whereon too he condescended, and his mother was very well pleased therewith. In the meanwhile, to quiet the child, they gave him to drink atir lago, that is, till his throat was like to crack with it. Then was he carried to the font, and there baptized according to the manner of good Christians. Immediately thereafter were appointed for him seventeen thousand nine hundred and thirteen cows of the towns of Poti and Brémont, to furnish him with milk in ordinary, for it was impossible to find a nurse sufficient for him in all the country, considering the great quantity of milk that was requisite for his nourishment. Although there were not wanting some doctors of the opinion of Scotus, who affirmed that his own mother gave him suck, and that she could draw out of her breasts one thousand four hundred two pipes, and nine pails of milk at every time, which indeed is not probable, and this point hath been found duggishly scandalous, and offensive to tender ears, for that it savored a little of heresy. Thus was he handled for one year and ten months, after which time, by the advice of physicians, they began to carry him, and then was made for him a fine little cart, drawn with oxen, of the invention of Jan de Nio, wherein they led him hither and thither with great joy. And he was worth the seeing, for he was a fine boy, had a burly physiognomy, and almost ten chins. He cried very little, but beshipped himself every hour. For, to speak truly of him, he was wonderfully phlegmatic in his posteriors, both by reason of his natural complexion, and the accidental disposition, which had befallen him by his too much quaffing of the septembral juice. Yet without a cause did not he sup one drop, for if he happened to be vexed, angry, displeased, or sorry. If he did fret, if he did weep, if he did cry, and what grievous quarter so ever he kept, in bringing him some drink, he would be instantly pacified, receded in his own temper, in a good humor again, and as still and quiet as ever. One of his governesses told me, swearing by her fig, how he was so accustomed to this kind of way, that, at the sound of pints and flagans, he would on a sudden fall into an ecstasy, as if he had then tasted of the joys of paradise, so that they, upon consideration of this, his divine complexion, would every morning to cheer him up, play with a knife upon the glasses, on the bottles with their stopples, and on the pottel-pots with their lids and covers, at the sound whereof he became gay, did leap for joy, would lull and rock himself in the cradle, then nod with his head, monocordizing with his fingers, and baritonizing with his tail. 8. How they appareled Gargantua. Being of this age, his father ordained to have clothes made to him in his own livery, which was white and blue. To work then went the tailors, and with great expedition were those clothes made, cut, and sewed, according to the fashion that was then in request. I find by the ancient records, or pancarts, to be seen in the chamber of accounts, or court of the exchequer at Monserot, that he was accrued in manner as followeth, to make him every shirt of his were taken up nine hundred L's of chasslerot linen, and two hundred for the gussets in manner of cushions, which they put under his armpits. His shirt was not gathered nor plated, for the plating of shirts was not found out till the seamstresses, when the point of their needle, Vesongne de Cool, English, the eye of the needle, was broken, began to work and occupy with the tail. There were taken up for his doublet eight hundred and thirteen L's of white satin, and for his points fifteen hundred and nine dog's skins and a half. Then was it that men began to tie their breeches to their doublets, and not their doublets to their breeches, for it is against nature, as hath most amply been showed by Occam upon the exponables of Master Holte Chausade. For his breeches were taken up eleven hundred and five L's and a third of white broad cloth, they were cut in the form of pillars, chamfered, channeled, and pinked behind, that they might not overheat his reins, and were within the panes, puffed out with the lining of as much blue damask as was needed, and remarked that he had very good leg harness, proportionable to the rest of his stature. For his cod-piece were used seventeen L's and a quarter of the same cloth, and it was fashioned on the top like unto a triumphant arch, most gallantly fastened with two enameled clasps, in each of which was set a great emerald, as big as an orange, for, as Cesorpheus, Libertum de Lapidibus, and Plinius Libro Ultimo, it hath an erective virtue and comfortative of the natural member, the exature, outjecting or outstanding of his cod-piece, was of the length of a yard, jagged and pinked, and with all bagging, and strutting out with the blue damask lining, after the manner of his breeches. But had you seen the fair embroidery of the small needlework pearl, and the curiously interlaced knot, by the goldsmith's art set out and trimmed with rich diamonds, precious rubies, fine turquoises, costly emeralds, and Persian pearls, you would have compared it to a fair cornucopia, or horn of abundance, such as you see in antiques, or as Rhea gave to the two nymphs, Amalthea and Ida, the nurses of Jupiter. And like to that horn of abundance, it was still gallant, succulent, droppy, sappy, pithy, lively, always flourishing, always fructifying, full of juice, full of flour, full of fruit, and all manner of delight. I avow, God, it would have done one good to have seen him, but I will tell you more of him in the book which I have made on the dignity of cod-pieces. One thing I will tell you, that as it was both long and large, so was it well furnished and victualed within. Nothing like unto the hypocritical cod-pieces of some fond woors and wench-curdiers, which are stuffed only with wind to the great prejudice of the female sex. For his shoes were taken up 406 Ls of blue crimson velvet, and were very neatly cut by parallel lines, joined in uniform cylinders, for the solding of them were made use of 1,100 hides of brown cows, shapen like the tail of a keeling. For his coat were taken up 1,800 Ls of blue velvet, dyed in grain, embroidered in its borders with fair gillaflowers, in the middle decked with silver pearl, intermixed with plates of gold and store of pearls, hereby showing that in his time he would prove in a special good fellow and singular whip-can. His girdle was made of 300 Ls and a half of silken surge, half white and half blue, if I mistake it not. His sword was not of Valentia, nor his dagger of Saragasa, for his father could not endure these hidalgos barachos maranissados comodiablos, but he had a fair sword made of wood and the dagger of boiled leather, as well-painted and gilded as any man could wish. His purse was made of the cod of an elephant, which was given him by Herr Prakantal, pro consul of Libya. For his gown were employed 9,600 Ls, wanting two-thirds of blue velvet, as before, all so diagonally purled that by true perspective issued thence an unnamed color, like that you see in the necks of turtledoves or turkey cocks, which wonderfully rejoiced the eyes of the beholders. For his bonnet or cap were taken up 300, two Ls and a quarter of white velvet, and the form thereof was wide and round of the bigness of his head, for his father said that the caps of the Marabez fashion, made like the cover of a pasty, would one time or other bring a mischief on those that wore them. For his plume he wore a fair, great blue feather, plucked from an anacrotol of the country of Hercania the Wild, very prettily hanging down over his right ear. For the jewel or brooch which in his cap he carried, he had in a cake of gold, weighing three score and eight marks, a fair piece enameled, wherein was portrayed a man's body with two heads, looking towards one another, four arms, four feet, two arses, such as Plato in Symposio says was the mystical beginning of man's nature. And about it was written in Ionic letters, Agama uzetaita ut, or rather, Anarchaiguna sugara antrotos idaitata, that is, Vir et mulier jungtum propriissime homo. To where about his neck he had a golden chain, weighing 25,063 marks of gold, the links thereof being made after the manner of great berries, amongst which were set in work green jaspers and graven and cut dragon-like, all environed with beams and sparks as king Nekepsos of old was want to wear them, and it reached down to the very bust of the rising of his belly, whereby he reaped great benefit all his life long, as the Greek physicians know well enough. For his gloves were put in work sixteen otter-skins, and three of the lupkaru, or men-eating-wolves, for the bordering of them, and of this stuff were they made by the appointment of the cabalists of Saint Louis. As for the rings which his father would have him to wear to renew the ancient mark of nobility, he had on the forefinger of his left hand a carbuncle as big as an ostrich's egg, and chased very daintily in gold, of the fineness of a turkey seraph. Upon the middle finger of the same hand, he had a ring made of four metals together, of the strangest fashion that ever was seen, so that the steel did not crash against the gold, nor the silver crushed the copper. All this was made by Captain Shapwe, and Alcofribus, his good agent. On the medical finger of his right hand, he had a ring made spire-wise, wherein was set a perfect bala ruby, a pointed diamond, and a faiz on emerald, of an inestimable value. For Hans Carvel, the king of Melinda's jeweler, esteemed them at the rate of three score nine millions, eight hundred ninety-four thousand, and eighteen French crowns of berrie, and at so much did the fukra of Augsburg prize them. End of Chapter 8 All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Gargantua's colours were white and blue, as I have showed you before, by which his father would give us to understand that his son to him was a heavenly joy, for the white did signify gladness, pleasure, delight, and rejoicing, and the blue celestial things. I know well enough that in reading this, you laugh at the old drinker, and hold this exposition of colours to be very extravagant, and utterly disagreeable to reason, because white is said to signify faith, and blue constancy. But without moving, vexing, heating, or putting you in a chafe, for the weather is dangerous. Answer me, if it please you. For no other compulsory way of arguing will I use towards you, or any else, only now and then I will mention a word or two of my bottle. What is it that induces you, what stirs you up to believe, or who told you that white signify faith, and blue constancy? An old paltry book say you, sold by the hawking peddlers and ballad-mongers, entitled the Blazing of Colours. Who made it? Whoever it was, he was wise, and that he had not said his name to it. But besides, I know not what I should rather admire in him, his presumption or his sodishness, his presumption over-weening, for that he should, without reason, without cause, or without any appearance of truth, have there to prescribe, by his private authority, what things should be denotated and signified by the colour, which is the custom of tyrants, who will have their will to bear sway instead of equity, and not of the wise and learned, who with the evidence of reason satisfy their readers. His sodishness and want of spirit, and that he thought that without any other demonstration or sufficient argument, the world would be pleased to make his blockish and ridiculous in positions the rule of their devices. In effect, according to the proverb, to a shit-and-tail fails never orager, he had found, it seems, some simple mini in those rude times of old, when the wearing of high-round bonnets was in fashion, who gave some trust to his writings, according to which they carved and engraved their aptems and mottos, trapped in comparison their mules and subter-horses, apparelled their pages, quartered their breeches, boarded their gloves, fringed the curtains and balances of their beds, painted their ensigns, composed songs, and witches' whores, placed many deceitful jugglings and unworthy-based tricks undiscoveredly amongst the very chastest matrons and most reverent sciences. In the like darkness and mist of ignorance are wrapped up these bane-glorious courtiers and name transposers, who, going about in their impresses to signify espérance, that is hope, have portrayed a sphere, and birds' pen for pains, lancolli, which is the flower Columbine, for melancholy, a waning moon or crescent, to show the increasing or rising of one's fortune, a bench rotten and broken to signify bank-wrapped, gnaw and a corselet for non-durabbit, otherwise non-durabit, it shall not last. Un licentiel, that is, a bed without a tester, for un licentie, a graduated person, as bachelor in divinity or outer barrister at law, which are equivocals so absurd and witless, so barbarous and clownish, that a fox's stale should be fastened to the neckpiece of, an adviser made of a cow's hurt given to every one that henceforth should offer, after the restitution of learning, to make use of any such fauperies in France. By the same reasons, if reasons I should call them, and not ravings, rather, and idle triflings about words, might I cause pain to pannier, to signify that I have been pain, a mustard-pot, that my heart tarries much for it, one pissing upwards for a bishop, the bottom of a pair of breeches for a vessel full of fart-hings, a cod-piece for the office of the clerks of the sentences, decrees or judgements, or rather, as the English bears it, for the tale of a cod-fish, and a dog's turd for the dainty turret, wherein lies the love of my sweetheart. Far otherwise did he adhere to fore the sages of Egypt, when they wrote by letters which they called hieroglyphics, which none understood who were not skilled in the virtue, property, and nature of the things represented by them, of which Oris Apollon hath in Greek composed two books, and Polypolis, in his dream of love, set down more. In France you have a taste of them in the device or in prison of my Lord Admiral, which was carried before that time by Octavian Augustus. But my little skiff, amongst these unpleasant gulfs and shoals, will say a little further. Therefore must I return to the port from whence I came. Yet do I hope one day to write more at large of these things, and to show both by philosophical arguments and authorities, received and approved of by and from all antiquity, what and how many colours there are in nature, and what may be signified by every one of them, if God save the mould of my cap, which is my best wine-pot, as my grand-emset. The white, therefore, signifyeth joy, solace, and gladness, and that not at random, but upon just and very good grounds, which you may perceive to be true, if, laying aside all predicate defections, you will but give ear to what presently I should expound unto you. Aristotle saith that, supposing two things contrary in their kind, as good and evil, virtue and vice, heat and cold, white and black, pleasure and pain, joy and grief, and so of others, if you couple them in such a manner that the contrary of one kind may agree and reason with the contrary of the other, it must follow by consequence that the other contrary must answer to the remnant opposite to that wherewith it is conferred. As, for example, virtue and vice are contrary in one kind, so are good and evil. If one of the contraries of the first kind be consonant to one of those of the second, as virtue and goodness, for it is clear that virtue is good, so shall the other two contraries, which are evil and vice, have the same connection, for vice is evil. This logical rule being understood, take these two contraries, joy and sadness, then these other two, white and black, for they are physically contrary. If so be, then, that black do signify grief, by good reason, then it should white import joy. Nor is this signification instituted by human imposition, but by the universal consent of the world received, which philosophers called you-skindium, the law of nations, or an uncontrollable right of force in all countries whatsoever. For you know well enough that all people and all languages and nations, except the ancient Syracusans and certain Argyves, who had cross and thwarting souls, when they mean outwardly to give evidence of their sorrow, go in black, and all mourning is done with black. Which general consent is not without some argument and reason in nature, the which every man may be by himself very suddenly comprehend without the instruction of any, and this we call the law of nature. By virtue of the same natural instinct, we know that by white all the world had understood joy, gladness, mirth, pleasure, and delight. In former times, the Thracians and Cretans did mark their good, propitious, and fortunate days with white stones, and their sad, dismal, and unfortunate ones with black. Is not the night mournful, sad, and melancholic? It is black and dark by the probation of light. Doth not the light comfort all the world? And it is more white than anything else. Which, to prove, I could direct you to the book of Lorentius Vala against Bartolis. But an evangelical testimony I help will content you. Matthew 17, it is said that, at the transfiguration of our Lord, His apparel was made white like the light, by which lightsome whiteness he gave his three apostles to understand the idea and figure of the eternal joys. For by the light are all men comforted, according to the word of the old woman, who, although she had never a tooth in her head, was want to say, Bona luxe. And Tobit, chapter 5, after he had lost his sight, when Raphael saluted him, answered, What joy can I have that do not see the light of heaven? In that color did the angels testify the joy of the whole world at the resurrection of our Savior. John 20, and at his ascension, Acts 1. With the light color of vesture did St. John the Evangelist Apocrypha 407, see the faithful clothed in the heavenly and blessed Jerusalem. Read the ancient, both Greek and Latin histories, and you shall find the town of Alba, the first pattern of Rome, was founded and so named by reason of a white sow that was seen there. You shall likewise find in those stories that when any man, after he had vanquished his enemies, was by decree of the Senate to enter into Rome triumphantly, he usually rode in a chariot drawn by white horses, which in the ovation triumph was also the custom, for by no sign or color would they so significantly express the joy of their coming, as by the white. You shall there also find how Pericles, the general of the Athenians, would needs have that part of his army unto whose lot befell the white beings to spend the whole day in mirth, pleasure, and ease, while the rest were a fighting. A thousand other examples and places could I allege to this purpose, but that it is not here where I should do it. By understanding hereof you may resolve one problem, which Alexander Aphrodisius had accounted unanswerable. Why the lion, who with his only cry and roaring afrights all beasts, dreads and feareth only a white cock? For as Proclus seeth, Libro de Sacrificio et Maghia, it is because the presence of the virtue of the sun, which isn't the organ and promptuary of all terrestrial and sidereal light, doth more symbolize and agree with a white cock, as well in regard of that color as of his property and specific quality, than with a lion. He seeth furthermore that devils have been often seen in the shape of lions, which at the sight of a white cock have presently vanished. This is the cause why Gally, or Galysus, so are the Frenchmen called, because they are naturally white as milk, which the Greeks call Gala. Do willingly wear in their caps white feathers, for by nature they are of a candid disposition, merry, kind, gracious, and well-beloved, and for their cognizance and arms have the whitest flower of any, the flower de lute, or lily. If you demand how, by white, nature would have us understand joy and gladness, I answer that the analogy and uniformity is thus. For as the white cloth are outwardly disposed and scatter the rays of the sight, whereby the optic spirits are manifestly dissolved according to the opinion of Aristotle in his problems and prospective treatises, as you may likewise perceive by experience when you pass over the mountains covered with snow, how you will complain that you cannot see well. As Xenophon writes to have happened to his men, and as Galyn very largely declares, Libre X, the Usu Partium. Just so, the heart with excessive joy is inwardly dilated, and suffers a manifest resolution of the vital spirits, which may go so far on that it may thereby be deprived of its nourishment, and by consequence of life itself, by this paracarii or extremity of gladness. As Galyn saith, Libre XII, Method Libre V, De Losis Effectus, and Libre II, De Symptomatum Causes. And as it has come to pass in former times, witness Marcus Tullius, Libre I, quest to school various Aristotle Titus Livius in his relation of the Battle of Cannae, Plenius, Libre VII, Capitule 32 and 34, Aguilius, Libre III, Capitule 15, and many other writers, to Diagorus the Rhodian, Chilon, Sophocles, Dionysus the Tyrant of Sicily, Philippides, Philemon, Polycrates, Philistine, M. Muventi, and others who died with joy. And as Evicin speaketh, in two canon at Libre de Veribus Cordis, of the Saffron, that it doth so rejoice the heart, that if you take of it excessively, it will, by a superfluous resolution and dilation, deprive it altogether of life. Here peruse Alex Ephrodisius, Libre I, Capitule 19, and that for a cause. But what? It seems I am entered further into this point than I intended at the first. Here, therefore, will I strike sail, referring the rest to that Book of Mine which handleeth this matter to the full. Meanwhile, in a word I will tell you, that blue doth certainly signify heaven and heavenly things, by the very same tokens and symbols that white signifyeth joy and pleasure. End of Chapter 10, Chapter 11 of Gargantua and Panticole, Book 1 This is a Librevox recording. All Librevox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Librevox.org. Gargantua and Panticole, Book 1, by François Rabelet, translated by Sir Thomas Orkhart. Chapter 11 of the Youthful Age of Gargantua Gargantua, from three years upward unto five, was brought up and instructed in all convenient discipline by the commandment of his father, and spent that time like the other little children of the country, that is, in eating, sleeping, and drinking, and in sleeping, drinking, and eating. Still, he wallowed and rolled up and down himself in the mire and dirt. He blurred and cellied his nose with filth. He blotted and smudged his face with any kind of scurvy stuff. He trod down his shoes in the heel. At the flies he did oftentimes yawn, and ran very heartily after the butterflies, the empire whereof belonged to his father. He pissed in his shoes, shit in his shirt, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He did let his snot and snivel fall in his potage, and dabbled, paddled, and slobbered everywhere. He would drink in his slipper, and ordinarily rub his belly against a pannier. He sharpened his teeth with a top, washed his hands with his broth, and combed his head with a bowl. He would sit down betwixt two stools, and his arse to the ground would cover himself with a wet sack, and drink in eating of his soup. He did eat his cake sometimes without bread, would bite in laughing, and laugh in biting. Oftentimes did he spit in the basin, and fart for fatness, piss against the sun, and hide himself in the water for fear of rain. He would strike out of the cold iron, be often in the dumps, and frig and wriggle it. He would flay the fox, say the ape's partner noster, return to his sheep, and turn the hogs to the hay. He would beat the dogs before the lion, put the plow before the oxen, and claw where it did not itch. He would pump one to draw somewhat out of him, by griping all would hold nuff fast nothing, and always eat his white bread first. He shewed the geese, kept a self-tickling to make himself laugh, and was very stettable in the kitchen, made a mock at the gods, would cause sing-magnificat at matins, and found it very convenient to do so. He would eat cabbage and shite beets, new flies and a dish of milk, and would make them lose their feet. He would scrape paper, blur parchment, then run away as hard as he could. He would pull at the kid's leather, or vomit up his dinner, then reckon without his host. He would beat the bushes without catching the birds, thought the moon was made of green cheese, and that gliders are lanterns. Out of one sack he would take two mulchers or fees for grinding, would act the ass's part to get some bran, and of his fist would make a mallet. He took the cranes at the first leap, and would have the mail coats to be made link after link. He always looked a given horse in the mouth, leaped from the cock to the ass, and put one ripe between two green. By robbing Peter he paid Paul. He kept the moon from the wolves, and hoped to catch larks if ever the heavens should fall. He did make of necessity virtue, of such bread, such potage, and carried as little for the peels as for the shaven. Every morning he did cast up his gorge, and his father's little dogs eat out of the dish with him, and he with them. He would bite their ears, and they would scratch his nose. He would blow in their asses, and they would lick his chaps. But harken, good fellows, the spigot ill but take you and whirl round your brains if you do not give ear. This little letcher was always groping his nurses in governess as upside down, arseversy, topsy-turvy, harry-burry-kay, with a yack-o-hack-hack-go, handling them very rudely in jumbling and tumbling them to keep them going, for he had already begun to exercise the tools, and put his cod-piece in practice. Which cod-piece, or braguette, his governess did every day deck up and adorn with fair nose-gaze, curious rubies, sweet flowers, and fine silken tufts, and very pleasantly would pass their time in taking you-know-what between their fingers and dandling it, till it did revive and creep up to the bulk and stiffness of a suppository, or street magdeleon, which is a hard, rolled-up salve spread upon leather. Then did they burst out in laughing when they saw it lift up its ears, as if the sport had liked them. One of them would call it her little dill, her staff of love, her quility, her faucetin, her dandelion-y. Another, her peen, her jolly-kyle, her bable-ray, her member-tune, her quick-set imp. Another again, her branch of coral, her female adamant, her placket-racket, her cyprian scepter, her jewel for ladies. And some of the other women would give it these names. My bung-tee, my stop-ble-two, my bush-rush-er, my gallant- wimble, my pretty-bor-er, my coney-bur-er ferrit, my little piercer, my auger-teen, my dangling hangers, down-right to it, stiffen-stout, in-and-to, my pusher-dresser, pouting-stick, my honey-pipe, my pretty-pilly-cock, linky-pinky, futility, my lusty-endue, and crimson- chiddling, my little couille-bredoux, my pretty-rogue, and so forth. It belongs to me, said one. It is mine, said the other. What, quos'er-third, shall I have no share in it? it. By my faith I will cut it, then. Ha! to cut it said the other would hurt him. Madam, do you cut little children's things? Were his cut off he would be, then, Monsieur Sainte-Cœur, the curtailed master. And that he might play and sport himself after the manner of the other little children of the country, they made him a fair-weather world-jack of the wings of the windmill of Mire-Ballet." END OF CHAPTER XI. CHAPTER XII. OF GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL. BOOK I. THIS IS A LIBERVOX RECORDING. ALL LIBERVOX RECORDINGS ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO VOLUNTEER, PLEASE VISIT LIBERVOX.ORG. GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL. BOOK I. BY FRANÇOIS RABELÉ. TRANSLATED BY SIR TOMAS ORQUART. CHAPTER XII. OF GARGANTUA'S WOODON HORSES. Afterwards, that he might be all his lifetime a good rider, they made to him a fair-great horse of wood, which he did make leap, curve it, jerk out behind, and skip forward all at a time, to pace trot, rack, gallop, amble, to play the hobby, the hackney gilding, go the gate of the camel, and of the wild ass. He made him also change his color of hair as the monks of Coltibou, according to the variety of their holidays, used to do with their clothes, from bay-brown to sorrel, dapple-grey, mouse-dun, deer-color, rhone, cow-color, gingeline, skewed-color, piebald, and a color of the savage elk. Himself of a huge post made a hunting-nag, and another for daily service of the beam of a vine-press, and of a great oak made of a mule with a foot-cloth for his chamber. Besides this he had ten or twelve spare horses, and seven horses for post, and all these were lodged in his own chamber, close by his bedside. One day the Lord of Bread-and-Bag, Panansac, came to visit his father in great bravery, and with a gallant train, and at the same time to see him came likewise the Duke of Free-Mille, Franck Repa, and the Earl of Wetgullet, Mouivon. The house truly, for so many guests at once, was somewhat narrow, but especially the stables, whereupon the steward and harbinger of the said Lord Bread-and-Bag, to know if there were any other empty stables in the house, came to gargantua a little young mad, and secretly asked him where the stables of the great horses were, thinking that children would be ready to tell all. Then he led them up along the stairs of the castle, passing by the second hall unto a broad, great gallery, by which they entered into a large tower, and as they were going up at another pair of stairs said the harbinger to the steward, this child deceives us, for the stables are never on the top of the house. You may be mistaken, said the steward, for I know some places at Lyon, at the Bas-Met, at Chénon, and elsewhere, which have their stables at the very tops of the houses, so it might be that behind the house there is a way to come to this ascent. But I will question him further. Then he said to gargantua, my pretty little boy, whether do you lead us? To the stable, said he, of my great horses. We are almost come to it. We have but these stairs to go up at. Then leading them along to another great hall, he brought them into his chamber, and opening the door said unto them, this is the stable you asked for, this is my genet, this is my gelding, this is my coarser, and this is my hackney, and laid on them with a great lever. I will bestow upon you, said he, this freethlin' torse. I had him from Frankfurt. Yet will I give him you, for he is a pretty little ag, and will go very well with a tessel of gossocks, half a dozen of spaniels, and abrasive greyhounds. Thus are you king of the hairs and partridges for all this winter. By St. John said they, now we are paid, he hath gleaked us to some purpose, bobbed we are now for ever. I deny it, said he, he was not here above three days. Judge you now whether they had most cause, either to hide their heads for shame, or to laugh at the jest. As they were going down again, thus amazed, he asked them, Will you have a wim-wim, or belier? What is that, said they? It is, said he, five turds to make you a muzzle. Today, said the steward, that we may happen to be roasted, we shall not be burnt, for we are pretty well equipped and larded in my opinion. O my jolly dapper boy, that hath given us a gudgeon, I hope to see thee pope before I die. I think so, said he, myself, and then shall you be a puppy, and this gentle pop and jay a perfect papillar, that is, to sembler. Well, well, said the harbinger, but said Gargantua, guess how many stitches there are in my mother's smock? Sixteen, quote the harbinger. You do not speak gospel, said Gargantua, for there is sent before and sent behind, and you did not reckon them ill, considering the two under-holes. When, said the harbinger, even then, said Gargantua, when they made a shovel of your nose to take up a quarter of dirt, and have your throat a funnel, were with to put into another vessel, because the bottom of the old one was out. Cockspots, said the steward, we have met with a praetor. Farewell, Master Tatler, God keep you, so goodly are the words which you come out with, and so fresh in your mouth, that it had need to be salted. Thus, going down in great haste, under the arch of the stairs, they let fall the great lever, which he had put upon their backs. Whereupon Gargantua said, what a devil you are, it seems, but a bad horseman, that suffer your builder to fail you when you need him most. If you were to go from hence to Karusak, whether had you rather, ride on a gosling, or lead a sow in a leash—I had rather drinks with the harbinger—with this they entered into the lower hall where the company was, and relating to them this new story, they made them laugh like a swarm of flies.