 I told Andy one thing. I told him, hey, please be where your feet are. What that means is we pulled out his phone and we started looking at pictures on his phone. And I started telling him, hey, do you remember when Sophia, our daughter, did this? Do you remember when our son Ian graduated from his little kindergarten class? Do you remember when we went to the park and we did this and it really made our day? Do you remember our child's footsteps, first footsteps? Do you remember that? And he looked at me with this blank look in his face. He did not remember half of those pictures we talked about. Now, you might be chasing money, you might be doing all of this stuff, but you're living a separate life from your family. You need to be where your feet are. You need to understand you don't have to be one-dimensional. You need to bring your family along with you along the journey. They're gonna be your biggest cheerleaders if you do that. Talk to you about something that really, really changed me and Andy and then actually helped us get through life. So I'm gonna start tonight by asking this question. Are you qualified to have a good life? Failure was a part of my DNA. I learned to fail. I was cold because I didn't have the motherly figure. I turned into a kick-ass mom because of that, thank God. But also, I was very ballsy because failure was a part of my DNA. I wasn't afraid to fail. I looked at the bright side of my failure. I knew that those wounds could be my weapon, but some people in here are looking at your failures and are preventing you from growing. Maybe you make more money than you thought you could ever make and you're stuck making the same amount of money for the last three years and you don't grow because you're stuck in that. Because you're grateful because, hey, I'm better than anybody else in my family. That was me, that was Andy. When I met him, I was the ballsy one. I was the one willing to take the risk. I told him, hey, you're so good at what you do. Why are you still in the same position for a 10 year? Why aren't you excelling? Why aren't you thinking bigger? I grew and empowered him to wanna grow. Some of you might have somebody at home who's your wife and you have her as your wife and she should be your superpower. She should be the one that's cheering you on, but you're not doing it right. But you have to ask that question to yourself right now. Are you stuck where you are right now because you won't forgive yourself because you don't feel like you're qualified to have this good life that you have right now? Are you one dimensional? I'm here to tell you right now, you can go on and chase money. You can go make a whole bunch of it. If you're one dimensional and you do not bring your family along with you and you're not where your feet are, then you're not gonna make it. We made money and lost money along the way so many different times because we were just chasing money. I told Andy one thing. I told him, hey, please be where your feet are. What that means is we pulled out his phone and we started looking at pictures on his phone. And I started telling him, hey, do you remember when Sophia, our daughter, did this? Do you remember when our son Ian graduated from his little kindergarten class? Do you remember when we went to the park and we did this and it really made our day? Do you remember our child's footsteps? First footsteps, do you remember that? And he looked at me with this blank look in his face. He did not remember half of those pictures we talked about. Now, you might be chasing money. You might be doing all of this stuff, but you're living a separate life from your family. You need to be where your feet are. You need to understand you don't have to be one dimensional. You need to bring your family along with you along the journey. They're gonna be your biggest cheerleaders if you do that. We talk about so many different things. So when we started our company, we had to basically start over with everything. We went and we gave everything up, but we brought our family along with us along the journey. We decided, hey, we're gonna be where our feet are and we're gonna fight together as a team. But you have to understand that you can have it all and you can't be one dimensional and chasing money. You can bring your family along with you and we're gonna go over that right now. But why doesn't my family believe me? Why is it that when I'm ready to change, they fight me every single time? I'm gonna tell you one thing. Like I fight Andy sometimes when he had some ideas, hey, I think we should go buy this drone and do all this cool stuff. And I'm like, no, I don't think so. I just test them all the time. Us women, we're great at testing our men. We're so good at it, right? But why do we do that? Because we won't really wanna see if they really want to do something. Have you made promises to yourself? How many times has it been January one and you set a goal? Or you said, I'm gonna start going to the gym and this is what's gonna make the difference. And by January 10th, you give up. How many times have you set a revenue goal and you're like, oh wait, have faith through the month and you're like, oh my gosh, there's no way I'm gonna make it, you lower your standard. How many times have you said, hey, you know what? I'm gonna go to my son's soccer game and I'm not gonna be late and you've missed it again? How many times have you let yourself down and made promises to yourself that you can't keep? Your family's gonna question you because you keep breaking promises. So you're gonna have to decide right now I'm gonna quit making promises. You can make promise to your family. You say, hey babe, you know what? I want you to trust me blindly. I'm gonna go and I'm gonna kick some ass and I need you to give me three years and Peter, our son, he's three years old and by the time he's six years old, I'm gonna change our life but I need you to trust me. I need you to support me. And she has in the past. And three years later, Peter's six years old. There's no more money in the bank. You've invested everything, three years have gone by. You don't even remember any of that. Why? Why should she trust you again? What's different? You set your goals, you break them. Your family keeps relying on you and you keep breaking those promises. Do that to yourself. Hold yourself accountable and include your family in them. So Andy and I believe in fighting. Who here doesn't fight with their spouse? Who here does fight with their spouse? We believe in fighting, okay? And a lot of people are like, why would you say that? They say, we know a lot of couples out there that never fight. I have aunts and uncles that have gone through their whole entire life and they're like, oh my gosh, all of a sudden their kids are older and then they get a divorce. And you're like, we're the perfect family. Why the heck are you getting a divorce? Why did this even happen? Like, I don't get it, you were my role model. So it's all of those times that they just held it all in and they try to avoid that they didn't know. It's like death by a thousand paper cuts over and over and over. Unresolved issues that they never ever surfaced. And then they resent each other. They can't even look at each other because they never ever showed their true colors or they never even got to know each other. So we believe in fighting. But we had to make some rules to fighting. And he said that I was an alpha. Yes, massive, I was an alpha. I was used to take care of myself. It was really hard to get into a relationship because I was a problem and I didn't want to ever lose. I'm like, hey, it's my way or the highway and that was it. And he was the same exact way so we could either explode or we could grow together. Okay, so we made up some rules to fighting. Healthy couples fight for resolution. Unhealthy couples fight for personal victory. We came up with one rule and that rule is if someone wins, no one wins. So if you're in a relationship and you fight with your spouse and you win that fight, that celebration lasts about 15 seconds and after that you feel like shit. Why? Because it shouldn't happen that way. You should grow together. So if someone wins, no one wins. We do not avoid a fight. Do not get historical about what was done and you're gonna learn to grow and not talk about it again but you're gonna let it all out. Do not walk on eggshells, ever. That's one of the things that we did and one of the things that we grew to do with everybody. We do it with our kids, we do it with our team and so we have such a strong team and we do it with each other. We treat our relationship, our marriage, our parenting and everything by the same rules. We believe in being our true selves but there's a way to do it. See the reason why I can push my husband or the reason I can tell him what he's wrong is because I do it in a certain way. If you're a leader in your company or manager or even a parent, you have to earn the right to be direct. I can tell you what I see that you're doing wrong but if my heart is not in it, if your best interest is not within it, then you just turn into the bitch or the asshole. You have to earn the right to be direct. I've talked to my kids a certain way. I can tell my son, my son's 13 years old. Ever since he was little, since he was seven years old, I thought, hey Ian, you're seven years old. Listen, I can treat you like the rest of the seven-year-olds around and I can give you everything you want. You can have video games, you can have an easy life. I can tell you yes to everything that you want. It can be cool. Or I can treat you like the bad ass that I versus you, the leader, the one that will change people, the one that actually has this heart in here, the one that's gonna make a difference in this world. That's who I foresee you. But guess what? To be this man that I foresee, sometimes you're gonna hate me. Sometimes you're gonna disagree with me. Sometimes you're gonna wanna give up. Sometimes you're gonna say, why the hell does she still mean to me? But you're gonna be great. You're gonna be so good. And then sometimes they'll get weak. Sometimes they'll say, Mom, why did my friend did this and that? Why? Do you want me to treat you like that? Do you want me to treat you like the seven-year-old? Or do you want me to treat you like the bad ass that I foresee? He's like, no, Mom, treat me like the bad ASS. And that's what we do. Same way for Andy. Certain things that I see that he could do better. We're very direct, but our heart is in it. We foresee, I foresee him being a certain way. So before you go and you criticize your team, understand what really moves them and motivates them and earn that right to be direct. Show your heart, wear your heart on your sleeve because it will work harder for you if they do that way. So the number one question that I get all the time, say, Jacqueline, how do I get my spouse to support me the way you support Andy? Now, just think about it. When you get home, what is it that you show your spouse when you get home? Do you bring home leftovers? Does she look up to you? Does she still see you with admiration? Are you giving your clients or your coworkers better treatment than you are the one at home? You can't do that. Talk about what you do. Talk about people's lives that you change. Talk about why you love the opportunity that you have, where you work. You know, I talk to so many people and they might meet Chad or they might meet Valentino and they're like, hey, you know, hey. Oh, he made me stay late on the stuff. How are they? How are they greeting? Oh, this is asshole. They kept you late, man. Okay, it worked. Right, it's nice. That's what I thought. But how are you speaking about them? That's how they're going to support you. You did that to yourself. I had a rule in the very beginning when I met Andy and we got into a relationship. I told him, hey, you know what? I'm never gonna speak badly about my husband or my boyfriend or anything to my family. There's so many people out there. They're like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe that my parents don't accept my husband. Well, you did that to them. You said the time that he called you the name. You said what he did to you in the very beginning. Your family loves you. They will never forget. If my daughter comes up to me and said, hey, this guy called me a bad name, we're never gonna forget that. He's always gonna be the asshole that told your little girl something bad and they're never going to forget it. You're talking about your problems too soon. Now, I always skip the slide there because there's three things that actually change our lives and one of the things that we had to do is we had to cut ties with so many different people that weren't like us in the very beginning. So many different people and we had to go dark and you hear a lot of people talking about going dark. Well, what the hell does going dark mean? What does it mean? I'm gonna tell you what it meant to me in end. We've made a lot of sacrifices to start a business. We had a very beautiful million dollar house in Oklahoma which is a lot of money for Oklahoma, okay? And when we decided to start a company, we decided to just go and sell everything and basically we went and we rented a house and we slept on mattresses and we decided to make that decision together but we didn't go and we didn't tell our family the sacrifice that we needed to make in order to do that because we knew that we worked so hard to get that million dollar house before we sold it and they were gonna be like, why would you do that? Why would you go and sell your beautiful home and import so much work into to go and sleep on mattresses? Why would you go and sell your car to buy a lease? Why would you give up your nine to five job to have this life? Why would you do that? Sometimes we complain about things to the wrong people too soon. They do not understand what you're shooting for. They do not understand what your goal is of. They do not understand the sacrifices that you're willing to make and they're gonna talk you out of it. You complain too soon enough to find sympathy and when things get a little bit tough, you give up. Quit talking to those people. That's what going dark is and only bring your family along with you, bring your kids that are going to go through the sacrifices and also tell your kids certain things. Don't isolate them. When we sold our house and we slept on mattresses guess what we did? We told our kids, hey, you know what? We're gonna go and we're gonna sell our house. We're all gonna live in one room. We're gonna sleep on mattresses on the ground. And guess what? We're gonna make boards all day long. This is gonna be so awesome. We're gonna be able to jump on the beds and all this cool stuff that we've never been able to do and you're gonna love it. Mom, I can't be, heck yeah I can't be. We're gonna be camping every day. But they were in that journey with us. If they expected it, if they knew what the sacrifice was gonna look like when you're dreaming big, you're gonna have to tell your kids, hey, you know what? We're gonna go and we're gonna build this and we're gonna do something really cool and guess what? Your dad and your mom are complete badasses and we're gonna be your freaking arrows. We're gonna make the sacrifice together. Sometimes we're trying to shelter our kids. How do you get your spouse to support you? Quit trying to freaking center up as the queen of the castle and don't freaking include her in your success. Your wife does not wanna be the queen of the castle. I didn't. I wanted to be that battle-maker. I wanted to be the one that held them accountable. I wanted to be included in that success, in that win with them. Sometimes we're not including our scholars in that and we're just bringing our home leftovers. Talk about why you love what you do and she will wanna be included in that. So your family will support you if you bring them along and they are included in that picture. So I told my husband one thing, one time that was very painful. There was a time where I was working really hard. He was working really hard. We got together, we had kids. I told you about the different lives that I had as a woman and then I decided to be a stay-at-home mom and take care of our kids. Then I told him, hey, Andy, we learned to live without you. You're not here present with us. You're going, you do your work and guess what? Hey, we go and we have the whole mom thing and we go to the park and you're not included in that picture. We're just on our own. We have our own separate life. How many people go and work so freaking hard at their job and their family has a whole different life? That's what was happening to us. So when I told him, hey, we learned to live without you, he said, oh, screw this shit. And he kind of gave up kicking ass at work and he started focusing on just us. He wanted to be the kick ass dad and the kick ass husband. But guess what? Remember, talk about being one-dimensional. We don't want that. Tell him, hey, you know what? Don't get confused. As a woman, I need a man that I can look up to. I want a man that's fulfilled. I want a man that goes and kicks ass at work, that comes home, that finds fulfillment in what he does that I can look up to. I don't want to guess, man. I want somebody that can be a bad ass at work that can show us the example and provide for the family but also can be present and be worse reader. So when you're setting up your goals and you want to make money, a lot of times people are chasing money all the time and they say, hey, I want to make this amount of money but they're not really including their family in that picture. Hey, babe, what is it that we're going to do with that money? How are we planning? What is it that success looks like to both of you? Your family will support you if they have a clear vision of what success looks like to you and they are included in that picture. Not the queen of the cast. Another big mistake that we made in the beginning. If you have kids, we made this big mistake. So Andy, our daughter, she'd go, stub her toe, oh, let's go to Target and get you a toy for crying, right? We wanted to give our kids a life we didn't have. We went through a lot of heartache as kids so we wanted to give our kids everything. Want to make life easy for them. Well, the reason why you're a bad ass, the reason why you're succeeding, the reason why you're doing something in your life is because you went through some type of pain in order to get where you are. So I told Andy, quit taking her to get a toy every time she gets hurt. Life is hard. Life is a bitch. What's gonna happen when the first guy breaks up with her? Is she gonna be strong enough to sustain or is she gonna be one of those girls that's like, oh my God, I'm gonna, I don't have it? Then that's why you have people committing suicide and getting depressed and all this other stuff. You need kids that are strong. You need to have them know and appreciate life. Start sharing what your heartaches were with your children. They don't necessarily have to go through the same pain you did, but sometimes we try to give them everything. We don't include them in that pain that you went through or those sacrifices for them to even grow a backbone and then they break at the first moment that they freaking stub their toe. But be that example to your children. I was walking around with the bun in my head all the time. I was being a slave for mom. I was making sure my kids have perfect clothes. If their clothes was nice and pressed, they matched perfectly. Their hair was perfect. Now I was walking around like I would, going to the gym and I wasn't going to the gym. I just had a bun in my hair and I just wasn't taking care of myself. I was eating cold food. I was eating leftovers. I was giving Andy and the kids everything I had as a woman. One day I said, you know what? I'm gonna take a shower. I'm gonna fix my hair. Then I'm gonna eat first. And I started valuing myself. Sometimes it's women especially, Latino women, this is what happens. We try to give everybody so much and we try to keep up with other moms and try to give our kids and we've put ourselves last. And what I realized is that my kids were looking up to other people on the internet. Other people that they wanted to look like. Other people that they wanted to admire. Listening to other people's advice. They should be looking at me as their hero. So I needed to learn to love myself. I needed to show them what it was like. I needed to show my son what it was like to find a strong woman that she can value. I needed to show Andy that I was the one, the woman that he fell in love with, the firecracker, I needed to come back, fireball, whatever the song was. I needed that. So my kids started looking up to me. I can tell you right now that you know, like I saw my kids watching Wonder Woman one day and I'm like, oh man, my mom's just as strong as her. My mom can do that. This is when I know my kids look up to me. Have you forgotten to be a hero to your children? Now some of you women that are here, you have kids and you're working really hard to provide for them. But what are you bringing home? Are you excited about life? Are you excited about providing opportunity or are you making life too easy for them? Where they can't even look up to them? Are you giving them electronics to them? What are you doing? Become a hero to yourself. And you can be a hero to others. And those men that are out there, remember to tell your wife that she's beautiful. Remember to remind her of who she was and never lose sight of who you fell in love with. Sometimes we need that reminder. So Ian was talking about this, keeping it new. He made a very, very good point. Keeping it new. So when you first started working here at Vinanda, you felt like you were the luckiest little bitch alive. You're like, oh my gosh, I got the opportunity. I'm gonna prove that my bosses made the right choice by bringing me on. I'm gonna go out and sell everybody. I'm gonna go and self develop. I'm just gonna have the best attitude. I'm gonna do everything right. I'm gonna train every day. I'm gonna be a badass. When you met the girl, there was that fire burning inside. I call it from idolizing to demonizing. Just think about when you met your wife. Hey dad, you have to meet Rita. She's so amazing, she's so beautiful. She has beautiful hair, she has beautiful eyes, but she's so driven, so motivated, so awesome. She pushes me to be better. She's just so awesome, man. I wish you could just meet her. She's so organized. Oh my gosh, she's just my other half. You would love her. And then you get the girl. What happens? Oh dad, you should see Rita, man. She's such a nag. Nothing I ever do is good enough for her. She just wants me to be perfect all the time, man. She's so annoying. I can't ever do anything right, man. Dude, I don't get it, what happened? Everything you loved about her just turned into something you demonize about her. The newness wore off. Everything you liked about her is suddenly gone. Your job. Ian was walking like, hey, you were so excited the first day, then all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, another day in paradise. Who do I need to talk to now? Oh shit. Like that's what it is. You need to be in that proving stage every single day and everything you do as a parent, as a wife or husband, or even in business in what you do. Remember to keep it new. We talked about getting married every day. Yes, I told them, hey, I married you once. I didn't expect you to be married once and then lose every day. We get married every single day. We get better every single day. We're so competitive. We compete in everything, in keeping it new and trying to impress each other. How many times do you go home when you first got with your wife? You were checking around, your eyes were meeting. Oh my gosh, she's bending over. Oh my, she's washing the dishes. Oh, how many times do you look at her in the eye now? How often do you do that? She's not new anymore. Whose fault is it? Yours. So with this, with your business, don't make the mistake of living separate lives. You want to kick butt? Who are you working for? What is your why? Why aren't you bringing your family along with you? Why aren't you including them in the journey? When we hire people, I'm just going to tell you, when we hire people for our company, we go and say a guy wants to come work with us. Okay, great. Okay, we're going to interview you. Okay, are you married? Yes, okay. Let us talk to your wife. We want to interview both of you guys at the same time. Why? We're on the same page. We tell him, hey, okay. You know here, your husband's going to be here. What are you going to do? You know, you agree that he's working for the best company in the world. What is the reason why you think he should work with us? She's going to tell you exactly. Well, I really like what you guys stand for. I really like your core values. I really like what you guys do. You guys sell dreams. You guys are doing all this cool stuff for people. Okay, great. So what happens when he doesn't reach the sales or he doesn't make a sale for the day and he comes home negative? What are you going to tell him? She's like, oh, well, I'm going to, what happens when he doesn't meet his quota and he doesn't make the money that you're expecting? What are you going to do? You're going to have him quit? So we have that buy-in from both of them, but we also make it very important. We'll be like, hey, you know what? We're hiring your husband. Guess what's going to happen? We're on the same page. We're hiring you too. If he ever speaks anything negative about you, you're fired. He's fired. If he ever goes and he cheats on you, he's fired. We're in this together. We're going to make sure that you guys are taken care of and we're going to know everything about you and you're going to hold everybody accountable and we're going to make sure he doesn't bring you home leftovers. We're going to make sure he treats you with respect. We're going to make sure that we're all growing together and we have the same mission and goal. So don't make the mistake of living two separate lives. You can do that in what you're doing right now. Don't put your wife aside. If you think your wife is not interested in your business, I promise you, I promise you, you're having a self-limited belief. I'm going to tell you one thing. If you're in management right now and say your wife has incredible instinct and if you were to tell her, hey honey, like what do you think about this guy? I've been talking about this guy I want to bring on to the team. What do you think? She's going to tell you, oh, well, he seems like a nice guy. Or she's going to tell you, hey, I don't really think you should hire him. There's something about him I don't really like. Later on, you hire the guy and all of a sudden she's like, I told you, I knew he was a bad guy. She has an incredible instinct and you don't think she's interested in your business? I promise you, if you include her in that, she'll be like, hey, yeah, you're talking to that Johnny guy. Is he working out? And you're like, oh yeah, he's doing a great job. He's a cool guy like everybody. And then she's going to keep asking, how is work, honey? And then all of a sudden you start talking about work and then she's interested because you're including her in that. It's your job, your closures. That's what you do for a living. Include her in that and she will support you. So the truth is, your spouse wants to see you fulfilled. Your spouse wants to see the man that she married. She wants a man that she can look up to. Hey, your husband wants to see a woman that's excited about life. She wants to see that firecracker he married. He wants to see that person that's confident that remembers who she is. That carries herself a certain way. A lot of times women and men, they compete with work. It's your decision whether we make it all be the same and she's going to support you. Not just financially, but in everything because she will support you if you do it right. But most of the time we do it wrong. We keep our family from everything. We don't bring home. We don't tell them what we're doing. We don't say, hey, you know what? I helped the nicest family in the world. You should have seen them. They came to the resort and they were thanking me. They were crying. They're like, man, you saved our marriage because we came and we did this. Babe, I love my job. I wish you could have seen how happy their little boy was running around in that slide, man. He came up and gave me a big hug, man. I love my job. That's not what we do. We tell them the shit that we bring home every day. Don't let your home compete with your work. This is your decision, but you have the power to have it all. You can have your health. Everything you put your mind to that's important you make time for. You might think, hey, I don't have time to go to the gym. If it's important to you, you'll make time. I don't have time to, you know, have breakfast with my wife. Hey, if it's important to you, you will make the time. Anything that's important to you, but you can't have it all. You can have your faith. You can have your family. You can have your work. You can have it all. If you don't do it right, you will make money. You will lose it all and you will start over again. You will lose your marriage and you'll start again with another one. You'll have the same freaking problems. You have the power to do it all if you just focus on taking care of everything at the same time and bring your family along with you. When is enough enough when you love somebody? When are you gonna get back that time? The present right now. Bring your family along with you. You do have the power to have it all. So anyway, we went way past our time. I wanna thank you guys for having us for all the hospitality and everything we have been totally, like this has been amazing. So I wanna, I appreciate you guys for having us. Hey guys, that's what I'm gonna tell you. You're the true one percenters. You made it till the end of the video. Do me a favor, share it with the friend that wants to go to another level. Make sure you like the video, comment below so I know who you are, set your notifications, and then subscribe to the channel. We got daily sales training videos dropping. I'll see you soon.