 The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis A. Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with B Young again. Not just a little flavor, played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let us take you back to last Wednesday night and show you how Jack and the rest of us celebrated New Year's Eve. Our little story opens at Jack's house around 7 p.m., where Jack, assisted by Rochester, is getting dressed for a big night of Rochester. Rochester, where did you put the cufflinks for my dress shirt? The what? The pearl cufflinks. What happened to them? Don't you remember, boys? You said I could wear them to my lodge meeting the other night. All right. Now, give me my cufflinks. Well, here's what happened, boys. One of them slipped out of my cuff and rolled under the pool table. Uh-huh. And when I got down on my knees to pick it up, somebody faded me. Well, I'll be, so you lost one of my links in a crap game. What happened to the other one? That lasted for about three passes, then bingo. Well, that's a fine fix you put me in. What do you expect me to do, keep my hands in my pockets all evening? Why don't you stick one of them in your vest like Napoleon? Napoleon? He was Emperor Frank. I know what he was. You don't have to tell me about Napoleon. My cousin Boo Boo's worn his hat sideways since he was 12 years old. Oh, well, I'll just have to roll these cuffs up a little and hope they stay there. Pardon me, Mr. Benny, but what conveyance are you planning on to take you to the Biltmore Bowl? You're driving us there in the Maxwell, of course. Then afterwards, the evening is yours. Are you going to celebrate tonight, Rochester? Yes, sir. I'm going to a ball at the Central Avenue. You walk in if you're not carried out to get your money back closed. Oh, well, you better walk in and out. Now, remember, Rochester, you promised not to drink tonight. Yes, sir. I'll just order more teenagers and eat the olives, none of them. That's right. You can eat all the olives you want. I've got a bad tooth, though. I might have to float them down. That was that. Now, Rochester, I'm warning you for the last time. When you come to work tomorrow, if you're not... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack, aren't you dressed yet? I'm just finishing up. Well, hurry. Dennis is waiting outside for us in a cab. A cab? Mary, I told you Rochester's going to drive us down to the Biltmore in the Maxwell. I am not riding in that smudge pot with this new evening gown. You're going to take the Maxwell. You're not the only one that's dolled up, sister. I've got my tuxedo on. You can burn that under an orange tree, too. All right, all right, we'll take a cab. Then come on, let's go. I can't leave until little Carolyn Lee gets here. I promise to let her see me all dressed up. That kid is so crazy about you, boss. Well, I have a way with the ladies, I guess. Whether they're six or 60. But in between, you can't get one unless they're hungry. And listen, Mary, I'm a lady's man at any age. Then why did you phone at the last minute and make me break a date to go out with you tonight? Because Stella Buggenhaven happens to be working. And I sent her an orchid this afternoon before I found out, like a darn fool. How do you know she's working? Because she canceled her date with me. She got to do retakes on her new picture, the sweetheart of Gopher Gulch. Well, she looked like a Gopher if I ever saw one. Mary, if you ever looked at Gopher right in the face, you'd see that they have beautiful, soft, brown eyes. And so has Stella. Anyway, I'm hooked for an orchid. Oh, well. Come on, Jack, that's Dennis waiting for us in the cab. Well, run along, I'll join you in a minute. Here, take my violin with you. Oh, Jack, you always have to drag that fiddle every place you go. Mary, Phil's orchestra's playing there, and Phil may call on me to entertain if he wants to remain on my program. Now, take it with you. Okay. Happy New Year, Rochester. Hail to you, Miss Livingston. Well, Rochester, I guess you can run along, too. Have a good time tonight. Thanks, Mr. Benny. And look, Rochester, I know it's New Year's Eve, so I'm not going to be a wet blanket. I'll tell you what. It's okay with me if you take one drink at the stroke of midnight. There's 12 strokes, boss must hit them all. Well, I'm not going to argue about it. You can go now, Rochester, but remember, I'm putting you on your honor. That'll take care of everything. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, Rochester. Oh, by the way, have you seen... Oh, well, I'll find it. Must be around here somewhere. Not there. I had it yesterday. I can't imagine what happened to it. I wonder if it's in the... Oh, hello, Carolyn. Hello, Jack. Well, I'm wearing my tuxedo. How do I look? I think you're the prettiest man in the whole world. Now, wait a minute, Carolyn. You're taking in a lot of territory. You're the prettiest man. By the way, honey, this afternoon when we were playing those games, did you hide something you didn't tell me about? What do you mean, Jack? Well, I've been looking all over for a certain something, and I can't find it. Did you hide it somewhere? What do you think? I think... I think you did. Now, check it out. I think you did. Now, tell Uncle Jack where you put it. No, you'll have to look for it. Carolyn, I'm in a hurry. Now, tell me, where is it? No, you'll have to guess. Carolyn, I'm in no mood for guessing. Look, kid, I'm going out tonight. I've got to have my toupee. Now, now, Carolyn, please, please tell me, where did you put it? Well, I was out in the yard and a poor little bird didn't have any nest. Oh, fine. Well, I'll just fluff my hair up a little. That'll have to do, I guess. I have to leave now, Carolyn. So, kiss me goodnight, and I'll see you tomorrow. And with you? Carolyn, I didn't say tonight. I said, when you're 18 years old, I'll go out with you on New Year's Eve. But when I'm 18, you'll be 35 or 40. I'll take that. Good night, honey. Run along home and tell your mother I said happy New Year. Damn. You can have bread and jam tomorrow. Now, good night, Carolyn. Good night, Jack. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, sweetheart. Four jars of jam already this week. Not only that, my toupee is up in a tree somewhere. Oh, well. I'm coming. I'm coming. These dress shoes are too slippery. Gotta wear them more often. Oh, hello, Mr. Billingsley. Good evening, Mr. Benny. A little cock-eyed, I see. I just tripped and fell down the steps. Say, you're home rather early, Mr. Billingsley. Aren't you going to ring out the old and ring in the new? Not tonight. I always do my laundry on Monday. Oh. Oh, I see. Well, good night, Mr. Benny. Good night. A gentleman wouldn't say that. Well, I never saw one that didn't. What does that mean? I can't figure him out at all. Click, click, click, click. Listen to that meter. 335 already. Wow. Say, Dennis, how come you haven't got a date? I thought you were going to bring a... Whoop, 340. I saw Dennis. I thought you were going to bring a girl tonight. What happened? She had to work. Oh. Oh, is she a chorus girl? No, she's a welder at Lockheed. Well, I can... I can sympathize with you, Dennis. I had a date with Stella Begg Buggenhaven tonight, but she had to do retakes on the sweetheart of... Hmm, 350. I know that thing is going too fast. Go for a go. It's too bad I sent her that orchid. Well, here we are at the Biltmore Bowl. Oh, look at that sign. Bill Harris and his officer, but come in anyway. Yeah. How much is that, buddy? Exactly what it says. 350. Oh. Let me pay it, Mr. Benny. No, no, Dennis. This is on me. But I insist. Ha, nothing doing, kid. This is my treat. Okay. Hmm. Here you are, buddy. Thanks. Come on, Mary. It's fun tonight. Oh, boy, oh, boy. If you can't talk, then shut up. Oh. Oh. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go in. There's Phil's band, I hope he reserves a good table for us. Where do you think you're going, Dennis? I'm going with you. Oh, you are, Ace. Oh, Jack for heaven's sake, what's the matter with you? I can't stand a cheapsgate. Kick my violin, it's right there by your foot. Yeah, wish I had a paper hat like everybody else. What do you want with a paper hat? You're supposed to wear one on New Year's Eve. I'll straighten this out. Where's the waiter? Waiter, what do I look like with this mask in over my arm? A roller-cow? Now just watch your step, but I happen to be a very good friend of Phil Harrison. You can have him, too. Now look, waiter, you get me a paper hat or I'll tell this young man with me not to leave a tip after he pays the cheque. Cram. This thing I hate is the fresh waiter. Well, well, well, look who's here. Cash customers. Hiya, Jack. Hello, Phil. You sure got a big crowd here tonight. Why not? Good music, good food and just oodles of Paris. Hey, what more can I do while I ask you? Hey, Phil, I see you've got a bigger orchestra tonight. Isn't that a new man in the front row? Where? A big guy with a mustache. He ain't no musician. That's a house detective. Well, what's a house detective doing in your orchestra? He claims the bass fiddle is full of spoons. Are you kidding? Well, that's ridiculous. Yeah, but if you ever look from that tuba, we're cooked. Well, see you later, kids. I'm going over St. Louis to Don Wilson. He and Peggy are in a big party over here. Oh, well, time to drop over, huh? Hey, waiter. Waiter, what about that paper hat? Here you are, a gorgeous green one. How can I wear a green hat with my blue eyes? The color's class. Oh, what are you worried about? You'll be asleep in a few minutes anyway. I'm going to stay up tonight. I took a Benza dream. Give me another hat, waiter. And here's something else. There's no confetti at this table. When it's midnight and the celebration starts, what am I going to throw? Shake that tuxedo and let the malls fly out. Now, listen, you're one more wisecrack, and I'll speak to Baron Long, the owner of this hotel. He's a pal of mine. If you don't mind, we'd like to order drinks. What do you want, Mary? I'll just have a lemonade. OK. I'll have a glass of... Good evening, Mr. Bernie. Are you having a good time tonight? Yes, yes, thank you. That's good. I'll have a... Who was that, Mary? Your pal, Baron Long. Oh, waiter, I'll have a glass of muscatel. How about you, Dennis? Make mine a zombie. A zombie? You'll have a lemonade the same as Mary. OK, but I'm going to hiccup. All right, hic, do anything you want. Waiter, that'll be two lemonades and a half. Yes, sir. I'll bet you're a beast when you have a couple of drinks in you. Quite the contrary, I'm very jovial. Don't forget that confetti. Come on, kid, let's blow our horns in half fun. He just came in. Where, where? He's coming down the steps. It's Rodney Dangerseal, that corny cowboy. Oh, yeah. And look who's with him. Who? Well, I'll be... Stella Buggenhaver. I'll have a glass of muscatel. Stella Buggenhaver. So she was working tonight, eh? Imagine ditching me for that. Hello, Rodney. Howdy, ma'am. A mighty happy new year to you. Same to you, partner. And Jack, how be you? I'd be fine. Now, who's the young lady with you, Rod? Hello, Jack. Well, it can't be Stella Buggenhaver. She's working tonight. And where did you get that lovely orchid as if I didn't know? Miss Buggenhaven? Oh, Jack, I do believe you're jealous. Come on, Rodney, let's go to our own table. Oh, no, no, no. Do join my little party. I bought that orchid. I'm gonna smell it. One smell. Sit down. Oh, waiter, yes, sir. What do you have, Stella? A champagne cocktail, please. A champagne cocktail for Miss Buggenhaven. Do you want to go that high, Daddy? Just bring it. And what do you have, Mr. Dangerfield? I'll have a great big whole glass of carrot juice. Carrot juice? Isn't that a little too strong for your rod? Oh, Jack, you say the funniest thing. Well, I've always got an answer, ain't it, Phil? Hey, kids, it's Phil back in the bandstand. Looks like the show's gonna start. Oh, I hope he doesn't ask me to stand up and take a bow. Get the fiddle out of the case, then. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, it's about time for our second show. And I see we have a lot of sobrileties sitting in our audience. Sobrileties? And I'd like to ask a few of them to stand up and take a bow. Now, first, I want you to meet one of the greatest movie stars. Oh, I wish he wouldn't do that. That famous cowboy of western pictures, Rodney Dangerfield. Thank you, folks. Thank you. I'm sure sorry I didn't bring my guitar. How to bring his gun along. What a ham. And sitting right next to him is his lovely leading lady, that charming girl at the Golden West, Miss Stella Fuggenhaven. A very pretty feet, Stella. Brief, but it had a message. You make me sick. Behave. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce a very dear friend of mine. A great radio star who needs no introduction. Dennis, give me the fiddle. I have been associated with this grand personality for a number of years. And he came here tonight to relax and enjoy himself, just like everybody else. There. But I know if we insist we can get Dennis Day to come up and sing a chorus for him. What? Come on up here, kid. Well, I'm glad it wasn't me. I came here to relax and enjoy myself, like he said. Well, sit down. You look like a staff with that violin under your chin. Oh, oh, yes. How are you, Dennis? What's it going to be, kid? I'm going to sing a song I did on the Jell-O program a few weeks ago. Roso Day. Well, hit it, Faby. Hand me his lemonade, Mary. I'm going to put pepper in it. You're my filigree doucher, cinema roucher, bals-a-raldour. Oh, so dezer-so dezer. You're my filigree doucher, cinema roucher, bals-a-raldour. Roso dezer. You're my Filigree doucher, cinema roucher, bals-a-raldour. You're daring. You're darling. You're law, my filigree doucher, cinema roucher. oh mccardi love rose your day she was the prettiest thing so they say and every night in this sweet Irish way under a window he'd sing in this way and more reality soon enough who Mary Malone and the rest of they do they all want to say but then what does he do he thinks of the one he loves best that he do Ros-a-day! Ros-a-day! You're my Philly-ga-doosh-a-chinnam-a-roosh-a-bala-bala-boom-to-dee-ay. Ros-a-day! Ros-a-day! You're my Philly-ga-doosh-a-chinnam-a-roosh-a-bala-bala-boom-to-dee-ay. You're daring, you're darling, oh, you're lovely. Sure about what I mean when I say. You're my Philly-ga-doosh-a-chinnam-a-roosh-a-bala-bala-boom-to-dee-a-boom-to-dee-a-boom-to-dee-ay. Dennis, that was swell. Kid and I appreciate you getting up here. Hey, Phil! You can't see your violin the heck with them. Yeah, that's right, the heck with them. And now folks sitting at a table on the other side of the room is my old pal and one of the greatest announcers in radio, Don Wilson. Come on, Don, say something, will ya? Okay, Phil. Hello again, Mrs. Don Wilson speaking. Hello again, he's so late for me. And I hope you're all having as much fun as I am tonight. I've had six delicious dishes of jello on an eye raring to go. I've been saying jello again for years, it's mine. In a few minutes now it'll be 12 o'clock and I want to wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year. Mary, pass me that glass of water, will ya? What are you taking there? Another Benzedrine, I'm getting sleepy. Thanks. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Hey, Phil! Phil! Oh! Oh, yes! Yes! And now folks, here comes the biggest surprise the evening. I'm sure that with a little encouragement and applause we can get Jack Benny to come up here and play a violin solo. Here I come! There, thanks. Thanks for asking me to come up here, Phil, although I'm really not prepared. However, ladies and gentlemen, I've had many requests. Look! One drunk in the audience, he had to wait for me. Oh well. Ladies and gentlemen, I've had many, many requests to play love and bloom. And being in a sentimental mood this evening, I'm only too happy to oblige. Love and bloom, folks. I hope you like. Here's a recipe to remember. Just canned fruit salad molded in strawberry jello. All you have to do is dissolve one package of jello imitation strawberry flavor in one kind of hot fruit juice and water. Next, chill until slightly thickened and fold in one can of fruit salad cut into small pieces. Chill and perform, and then serve with a garnishing of spicy mint leaves and bright red cherries. You'll say, as does Jack, that this is one of the finest desserts you ever tasted. Many grocers are featuring canned fruit salad and strawberry jello all next week. Get both tomorrow and make up this grand treat. Just be sure when you buy to get jello, because jello's locked in process brings you the flavor for your enjoyment. This is the last number of the 14th program in the current jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And folks, that's exactly what happened when we went out and celebrated our New Year's Eve. Tell them what happened in the cab on the way home. All right, so I fell asleep. How many bends and reeds do you think I carry with me? Good night, folks.