 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilded Sleeve. The Great Gilded Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of wonderful Kraft Deluxe Slices. Perfect slices of delicious pasteurized processed cheese. Kraft Deluxe Slices are made an exclusive way to give you more wonderful flavor in every sandwich size slice. Enjoy them often. Kraft Deluxe Slices. Another product you can depend on for quality because it's made by Kraft. Well, before the summer gets underway, the Great Gilded Sleeve has decided to have a little interior decorating done. He's been putting it off a long time because it happens that he's allergic to paint fumes. Yes, sir, by George, I'm going to have the whole upstairs done at once. Get it over with. I like the smell of paint on. Here, get away from this sample of man left. Leroy, you know I can't stand paint? Well, heck, you go out with girls. Yes, yes. Mr. Gilded Sleeve, you decided on your color? Just about, Bertie. I'm having my room done in brown. It's a nice masculine shade. Yes, sir. I want my room done in polka dots. Polka dots? Leroy, your room is already done in polka dots. Ink spots, fingerprints. That's why I want polka dots, so nothing will show. It'll be done in a pastel green just like we decided. Okay. This house sure will be a mess over the weekend. Well, that's why I thought it'd be a good idea for everybody to get out. It sure is nice of you to give time off to visit my sister, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. That's all right, Bertie. Hey, where are we going to stay, huh? Well, I thought we'd spend the weekend at Marjorie and Broncos. Oh, for corn's sake. Leroy, I can't stay here. I can't stand those noxious fumes. Well, why don't we get out of town? Take a training trip to Aunt Hattie's. Well, my boy, don't start campaigning for a train trip again. But, Uncle, I haven't been on a train since I was a little kid. Can't we go? No, not this time. I have a date Saturday night. Girls, you've been talking for years about taking me to visit Aunt Hattie, and now's the time to do it. Young man, let's not try to turn everything to your advantage. I'm only thinking of you. Oh? If you're right next door at Marjorie's, suppose the wind blows from this direction. I don't want you to get obnoxious from the fumes. It's noxious, Leroy. Okay, okay, I don't want you to get it. Don't you think Uncle and I should take the train trip, Bertie? Don't get me into this. How about it, Uncle? What do you say? I've already said it. No train trip. Well, look at it this way. I've been in school all winter. I'm just tired. I need to get away from it all. Leroy, there's no use arguing. We'll take a trip to Aunt Hattie's this fall after the canning season. Why don't we go now during the Green Apple season? No? No. I'm going over a little later and ask Marjorie if we can't stay there. Leroy, I've made my decision. You might as well give up, Leroy. It's a losing battle. The heck it is. I haven't begun to fight. I'll have to get over to Marjorie's before Aunt doesn't make her think he really doesn't want to stay at her house. Maybe she'll get sore and turn us down. When a guy needs a trip, he sure has to work his tired brain to get it. I'll put you straight on something before Aunt comes over. Oh, is Auntie coming over? Yeah. We're painting, you know, and Aunt's going to close the house this weekend. Oh, wonderful. You can come over and stay with us. Well, Aunt was going to come over and ask you about that. Out of courtesy. What do you mean? Well, he knew you'd want to stay and he'd feel obligated to do it, even if he didn't want to. Oh? Well, Uncle never admits this because he'd never hurt your feelings. You mean he doesn't want to come over here? How are you getting the idea? Well, that's the way Auntie feels. I certainly don't want him. How you got the idea? I don't know why. Our place isn't good enough for him all of a sudden. Me either. But why don't we talk about it? Uncle mentioned words like noxious. Well, if we make him ill, I know the twins are a little noisy at times, but Uncle always says it's music to his ears. Well, if he closes the house, where does he think he's going? Well, chances are he'll take a train trip to Aunt Hattie's. Oh, a train trip. We talked about it. What are you laughing at? I'm beginning to see through you. Yeah? That train trip bit us. Oh, Leroy, you can't fool your sister. But gosh, I... Leroy. Okay, you got me, gosh. I should have known you were up to something. But, Marge, I've wanted to go on a train ever since I was a little kid. I don't want to grow up without seeing some of the world. An un-traveled stick in the mud. Oh, Leroy. Besides, look at it this way. A big sister ought to help her little brother. It can be a break, will you? Well, what can I do? Well, when Aunt comes over, she'll be here this weekend. But we've got to think about Aunt Hattie, too. She hasn't seen us in over a year. No, she hasn't. I can just see her. Sitting in her little rock and chair with her shawl pulled around her shoulders, looking down the road, wondering why her family never comes to see her. Oh, Leroy, stop it before I get on the train, too. Sister in all the world, I've got to do something nice for her next Christmas. Oh? Next year, the nail polish remover or bubble bath. What brought all this on? I've got a fix with Marge to fix it with Aunt so we can go to Aunt Hattie's. Boy, you're doing a lot of fixes. Yeah. Oh, boy, I can't wait. Oh, boy! You should have been an engineer. Yeah. Because you sure know how to engineer train trips. Birdie, Birdie, here he is. Hi, Aunt. Hello, Leroy. Did you see Marge, honk? Yeah. What did she say? It seems she has other plans for this weekend and can't put us up. No kidding. She was a little indefinite about what her plans were, but I didn't want a medal. No, it never pays to medal. Look who's talking. So, I guess there's only one thing to do. Oh, boy, we're out of the way. Yeah, we'll have to go around town and find some friend who'll put us up for the weekend. No! Let's go to the office. We'll give me a chance to see Mr. Peavey first. I've got to get that train trip. Oh, Mr. Peavey! What can I do for you today? Nothing, I guess. Aunt's on his way down here, so I thought I'd just wait for him. Very well. Care to look at the comic book? No, thanks. Let's just talk. All right, what do we talk about? Mr. Peavey, do you have any mumps? No, I haven't. Neither have I. Mumps are very contagious, you know. Oh, my. I've dodged them for a good many years now. Well, Peavey wasn't so lucky. And Peavey got the mumps? Boy, yes, he got them. And I've been exposed to them. You don't say. Yeah, Peavey was my friend and constant companion. Of course, I'll probably get them, but don't tell Aunt. He just worries. No. Well, there's one sure way to find out, they tell me. Yeah? Have a dill pickle on the house, Leroy. Oh, swell. He doesn't bother you, Jaws? No. That's a relief. I don't think I'll get mumps until this weekend. Leroy, I hope you escape some. Yeah, hello, Mr. Goundersman. Leroy, did you tell Mr. Peavey we were redecorating our house? No, I'll leave it everything up to you, Aunt. Decorating, you see? Well, I'm just allergic to the paintbrush. No, I'm not doing the work myself. In fact, we're getting out of the house over the weekend. Oh, spending the weekend at Marjorie? She doesn't want us. No, it isn't that she doesn't want us, Leroy. I've decided to stay with friends. Where will you be staying, Mr. Goundersman? Well, we're sort of waiting for an invitation. From some good friend. I thought he was going to wait. Not much longer. Peavey, are you or are you not going to invite us over to your house? Well, I was about to say you'd be very welcome at our house. Great, we'll be over. You didn't let me finish, Mr. Goundersman. You'd be welcome if it wasn't for one thing. What's that? Well, let's not be mealy-mouthed, Peavey. If you don't want me, say so. Oh, it isn't that Mrs. Peavey and I don't want you, but we might just slip out of town this weekend. Well, that's what everybody should take, a trip out of town. Yes, yes. Peavey, you aren't going out of town. You told me yesterday you were spending the weekend working in your garden. That's right, I did say that. I talk too much. Well, all right, Peavey, forget it. But you know you're going to be in town and you have a spare bedroom. Yes, but Mrs. Peavey's mother may come to town. Are you expecting her? No, but she always comes when we're not expecting her. Oh, my goodness. Well, here all you soon find out who your true friends are. Yeah, at least we know Aunt Hattie is true blue. We're not taking a train trip. We'll find some real friends to stay with. Oh, I don't want you to consider me unfriendly, if you go to Peavey. Why don't I phone Mrs. Peavey and check with her? No, it isn't necessary, Peavey. Let's forget it. Yeah. It'll only take a minute. Well, since you want to. Very well. Hello, Mrs. Peavey, this is Mr. Peavey. How long they've been married? Our good friend Mr. Goldersleeve is doing some painting at his house and it occurred to me we should invite him over for the weekend. It occurred to him. I had to twist his arm. Ah, yeah? Your mother may come. Well, I told him she often came unexpectedly. You're pretty sure she will. That's too bad. I always like to do Mr. Goldersleeve a favor when I can. He's a good friend and customer. Well, I'll express your regret. Goodbye, Mrs. Peavey. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Goldersleeve, but you heard it. Peavey, I not only heard it. I saw it. Okay. You didn't even talk to Mrs. Peavey. I didn't. You're not in the receiver hook with your finger. Well, I've lived with Mrs. Peavey for so long. I know what she'd say. You do not. You don't know she wouldn't want us over there for the weekend? No, I wouldn't say that. The great Goldersleeve will be back in just a minute. Need a quick lunch or a hearty between meal snack? Then a good cheese sandwich is what you want. And for the most delicious cheese sandwiches you've ever tasted, make them with Kraft Deluxe Slices. Perfect slices of wonderful tasting, pasteurized processed cheese. Kraft Deluxe Slices are different from any other cheese in slices you can buy because they're made a completely new way, a way that only Kraft can make them. Instead of being cut from a loaf, they're formed into slices by an amazing Kraft invention. As a result, Kraft Deluxe Slices are better three important ways. Number one, every slice is uniform and perfect with no ragged edges. Number two, they're extra good tasting. Actually more delicious than any other processed cheese you've ever tasted. Number three, they keep fresh longer because their surfaces are never roughed up with a knife. Every neat package of Kraft Deluxe Slices holds eight big sandwich-sized slices, a whole half pound of this extra delicious pasteurized processed cheese. Keep several of these handy-sized packages in your refrigerator so you'll be set for quick, easy cheese snacks and sandwiches whenever you want them. Choose from five delicious varieties. Just be sure you get the quality slices. Look for the name on the square package, Kraft Deluxe Slices. Well, on account of redecorating, the Great Gildersleeve is closing the house for the weekend. Leroy wants to take a train trip to Aunt Hattie's. His uncle wants to stay in town with friends, but so far he can't find anybody who will take them, and for a good reason. Oh boy, this mumps thing is working out great. I'll get us on that train yet. Leroy! Yuck! You didn't tell me you talked to Chief Gates? Yeah, I just happened to drop in on the Chief. Well, he says he can't accommodate us over the weekend. He has a bigger house than Peaty. I don't understand. Well, maybe the jail's full and he's taking the overflow home with him. I doubt that. Hey, by the way, the Chief asked how you were feeling. He did? What did he mean by that? I guess he just wanted to know how I was feeling. Are you all right, aren't you, my boy? There's nothing wrong with me. A little train trip wouldn't cure. All right, Leroy. Why are all our friends shying away from us? You think we had the measles? Yeah. I haven't been able to find the judge. I haven't been able to find him either. Well, we'll take a run by his house. Aw. You've got to get out of here pretty quick. The painters have the upstairs full of step letters and dropped plus already. Let's just leave. I'm leaving now. Yeah, all right, Brady. I'm on my way to my classes for the weekend. We'll see you Monday when we're through with the painters. Yes, sir. Goodbye, Miss Gilsey. Goodbye, Bertie. Goodbye, Leroy. So long, Bertie. Goodbye. It always takes Bertie a long time to say goodbye. Ain't you got a place to stay yet, Miss Gilsey? Oh, don't worry, Bertie. We'll be all right. Yes, sir. Goodbye. In case you get stuck, Mr. Gilsey, the sleeping bag is in the attic. Bertie, we're not going to sleep outside. No, sir. Well, I'm gone now. So long. She hasn't moved a step. So long, Leroy. Bye. Goodbye again, Bertie. Come on, Leroy. Let's us go. Good idea. Goodbye, Bertie. Goodbye. Somebody had to make the move. Miss Gilsey. Yes, Bertie. I just thought of something. I came to say goodbye and you leave before I do. Oh, for... But I'm going. Good bye. No use ringing anymore. The judge doesn't answer his door. I wonder where he could be. When the last train leaves for Aunt Hattie's at age. Leroy, I have a date tonight. Let's not hear any more about the train trip. I just thought I'd let you know when the last train leaves. Say, is that a note in those empty milk bottles? Yeah. I'll see what it says. Well, we shouldn't read other people's mail, but I guess it is all right to look at the milkman's. It says, uh, milkman. I expect to be out of the city on a legal matter for a few days. Therefore, I'll thank you to skip me until Monday. Or perhaps Tuesday. Depending upon the outcome of the legal matter, cordially judge Horace Hooker. What a wordy old goat. Why doesn't he just say no milk? He went to law school, Leroy. Hey, it seems everybody's taking a trip out of town. Leroy? I didn't mention train. It's too bad the judge isn't home. He'd take us in. I'm glad he isn't. He probably had the mumps. Say, the old judge is such a good friend. He won't mind if we stay here. What a guy won't do to get out of taking a trip. Sure, we'll go in and make ourselves at home. It's no key under the mat. Good. Let's go. Wait, Leroy. Why don't I try to jimmy the window? The window? I can slide the blade of my knife under it. Open the catch. Oh, for corn's sake. I'll raise the window. It seems to be stuck. I'll give it a yank. The burglar alarm! Run for it, Leroy! Judge Hooker and his burglar alarm. Oh, well, we didn't get caught on. We don't have a place to stay either. Now it's so late we'll be lucky we can get a room at the hotel. But let's try, Leroy. Fine. I wonder where the clerk is. Oh, what a hotel. Nobody in sight. Leroy, wait here. I'm going over to the cigar counter. Oh, gosh, my only hope is if they don't have a room. Good evening. Hi. Did you ring? No, my aunts did. Where is he? Are we playing a game or something? He went over to the cigar counter. Oh. You wouldn't happen to be all sold out of room tonight, would you? No, no, we can accommodate you. Gosh. Do you and your uncle wish a room? What about mumps? If a little kid who's been exposed to mumps caught him, would you have to quarantine the whole hotel? Well, I doubt if we'd take that chance. Would you mind standing back behind that potted palm? Oh, boy. Well, at least you aroused the clerk. Do we have a room? This boy is with you? Yes. You mean you don't have a room? Sorry. Come back. I'm the water commissioner. No room. Young man, I don't like your attitude. Come out from behind those pigeonholes. Please, go away. Go away. All right, we will. Come on, uncle. By George, I have a good notion to cut off this hotel's water. At least it's a place to sleep. I didn't want to ask anybody else. Let's eat. I hope you appreciate the fact I called off my date. Here's the dining car. All right, let's go in. Gosh. I've never been in a diner before. Leroy, don't let everybody know you've never been anywhere. Well, I've been telling you to take me around more and I wouldn't be such a hick. Oh, my goodness. See? There's a good-looking girl sitting all alone. Here's an empty table, uncle. Perhaps you'd better sit over there with the young lady. Fill up this table. Well, why? I don't monopolize the tables. Just a girl, huh? Pardon me, miss. Are these seats taken? No. Do you mind if we join you? Well, if you wish. He wishes. Sit down, Leroy. Sure. Can I sit by the window? Yes, indeed. Miss, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Carlotta Dale. Yeah. Glad to know you, Miss Dale. This is my nephew, Leroy Forrest. Oh, how do you do? Hi. Why don't we pull out of the station, uncle? Be patient, my boy. Miss Dale. When do we eat? The man will get around to us, Leroy. Miss Dale, I was about to ask. Uncle, when you start to take a bike going around a curve, do you ever miss your mouth? I doubt if you would. No, then, Miss Dale. Oh, boy, we're pulling out of the station. Leroy, why don't you go to the lounge and wash up for dinner? Gosh, you have to wash... He's joking, Miss Dale. Get going, Leroy. Okay. Aren't you going to wash up? After you, Leroy. Okay. The boy hasn't been on the train for some time, Miss Dale. Oh, well, I can see he's enjoying it. Yes. Well, Miss Dale, it's very nice of you to share your table. And I've been wondering... Well, good evening, sir. Oop. I didn't see you, Stuart. Oh, your waiter is busy. May I take your order? No, not just now. I'll order when my nephew returns. Very well. Yeah, you can bring us some soup, and some of those rosette radishes. Thank you, sir. Yeah, Miss Dale. Back to you. I can tell you're not from this part of the country. Oh, how? Well, your hat and the cut of your dress and all. Oh, well, I travel. I sell cosmetics. Well, a traveling salesman. A woman. Well, I contact department stores. I'm sort of a beauty consultant. Really? Uh-huh. Yeah, I can see why people consult you about beauty. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Mr. Gildesme, that's the nicest thing I've heard since I got on the train. Well, thank you. Where did you get on? Omaha. Well, Miss Dale, after Leroy goes to bed, how about joining me in the club car? Oh, thank you. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to. We'll go in the club car and watch the telephone poles go by. Trains can be so boring. Unless, of course, there's someone attractive bored. Thank you. Yeah, I'll keep you amused all the way to the twin junction. Well, then I'll see you later in the club car. Oh, have you finished dinner? Uh-huh. Well, bye for now. Cha-cha! I'm glad Leroy taught me into this trip. Oh, your soup and hors d'oeuvre, sir. Oh, just put them down, Stuart. Now look at the menu. Yes, sir. I'm all set to eat, Uncle. Oh, hello, Leroy. Where's the girl? She's waiting in the club car. Yeah? You're glad you came, honk. Yeah, looks like it's going to turn out all right. I want you to know I'm on to you, my boy. What do you mean? I saw Chief Gates at the depot and he wanted to know if you had the mumps yet. Oh? I know all about you circulating the story that Piggy has. Oh, let's have the mumps honest. I was over there. I saw them. Well, I'm glad you're telling the truth. Oh, sure. I always do. Yeah, I suppose you deserve the train trip, my boy. Yeah. People usually get what they deserve. Yeah. Yeah? Let's pitch into the order. Oh, boy, I think I'll have one of these pickles. Oh! Over. The mumps, stop the train. The Great Gilles will be with us again in just 30 seconds. Without touching a knife, you can have perfect slices of extra delicious pasteurized processed cheese. Just get Kraft deluxe slices. Choose from five wonderful varieties. Mellow Kraft American, Kraft American with bits of scarlet pimento added, Deep Rich Tasting Kraft Brick, Kraft Swiss with that nut sweet flavor, and Sharp Old English brand. For lots of easy cheese snacks, get several of the five delicious kinds of Kraft deluxe slices tomorrow. Mr. Gilles, do you mean Leroy's enjoying the mumps? Well, he seems to be the birdie. Now he's in the same room with his pal Piggy. Yes, sir. Since they both have the mumps, Piggy's mother insisted I bring Leroy over to their house. That's too early of a time. Leroy will be out in a few days. Yes, sir. Too bad the trip was a flop. Well, it wasn't exactly a flop. For me, anyway. No, sir. I met a very charming young lady before we had to get off the train. Another what? A very striking beauty consultant. She sells cosmetics to department stores. Oh, yes. This week she's working Center City. I have a long distance telephone call in for her. You're going to place an order over the phone? No, birdie. I just want to keep our friendship alive. Besides, you'll be anxious to know how Leroy is. Yes. Want me to get the phone? No, I'll answer it. I'll answer it. Yes, sir. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. That's Miss Dale. I can't wait to hear that exciting voice. Hello. Well, hello. I met you on this name. Phoebe, I thought you were the operator. Well, anyway, I'm an operator. I operate a drugstore. Phoebe, I'm expecting a call. You got one. Oh. I might be here a long time. Good night, folks. The Great Dildo's Leave is played by Willard Waterman, a show written by John Elliott and Andy White of his Parsley's Transcrash. And couldn't in the cast are Walter Tettli, William Andorff, Mary Lee Robb, Dio LeVon, Larry Harmon, George Peroni, and Dick LeGrand, musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying, Good night for the Craft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next week and every week throughout the summer for the further adventures of The Great Dildo's Leave. How good can a sandwich be? We'll just make it with Miracle Sandwich Spread in C. Miracle Sandwich Spread is made by Craft from America's favorite salad dressing, the one and only Miracle Whip and some very special spicy relishes. It's different and delicious. Try it. Use it with your favorite sandwich filler or with your favorite sandwich filler or just by itself between slices of bread. Tomorrow, stop at your grossers and bring home a jar of Miracle Sandwich Spread.