 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Lash, with Alan Reed as Beswally. As you know, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is giving daily enjoyment to millions of people all over America. In offices and factories, on farms and branches, in mines and oil fields, folks find that chewing Wrigley Spearman helps them feel better and work better. The makers of Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad that their product is proving helpful and enjoyable to so many people, and they're glad too that they're able to bring you life with Luigi, because they know it's the kind of a radio program that millions of Americans enjoy. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama-basco innit. Mama-mummy. Almost everything I'm a do. I'm a do like the American mama-mummy, except in a business. Everywhere are things that are good. People are buying and buying. Everybody's a work in a business. It's a better than ever. It's a prosperity all over. Then you look into my cash register and you see big depression. Here, mama-mummy, with everybody, business is a turnover. With me, it's a lay down like a rock. But the worst of all, mama-mummy, I'm all plenty rent to my landlord Pasquale. And now he's a make-of for me. He's sending me bills in little poems. This morning he's sending me one in his reed. Dear Luigi, your rent is a do. You ain't got until 1952. And then this afternoon he's sending another one. If you don't pay your rent and I'm a no kinder by wine, I'm not going to send you back on a slow boat to China. I remember before he used to say to me, it's all right, Luigi, take your time. And I'm a doker, but now I'm getting afraid. I think I better go in his store and have a little talk with him. Oh, sir. Dear Luigi, put down that ice cream, McCone. You always want to weigh 250 pounds? Oh, papa, I don't weigh 250 pounds anymore. You don't? That's wonderful. How much you weigh now? 256. The one always with that ice cream in the hot weather. Oh, don't worry, puppy. For sure. And you accept the baby another head. I said put down that ice cream. Ain't the skinny, indeed. Dear Luigi, come in the store today to ask about his rent. No. By this time, it would be busting in here with that little popsqueaker voice of horror. And, Pascuali, give me one more chance. Hey, Pascuali, give me one more chance, sir. Hey, what's the matter? Why are you looking at me like this? You keep quiet. Well, what's on your mind, little banana nose? Well, Pascuali, these letters, these poems that you sent to me. All you mean about the rent for May? Uh-huh. And before that April, and don't forget March? And a February and a January. Is there one thing about you, Luigi, you're very prompt. It comes the first of every month that you don't pay on a time. Dear Pascuali, you forget. I paid you last December. Yeah, I remember. I was a fine Christmas present, a one month's rent. Luigi, let's face it, are you a no-business man? I'm never going to get in my rent, and I've got to do something the drastic. Well, don't do that, Pascuali. Please, have a little patience. I'm not going to pay you. With the word that the Marshal of Bland helps out of countries, they're not cabbage pusses. All right, Papa. I thought I told you to get rid of that ice cream cup. I am, Papa. I'm finishing it as fast as I can. Well, Luigi, now that we're alone. Yeah, but, Pascuali, please, if you've got any ideas, I'm going to promise you I'm not going to do everything I can at the celebration. Oh, stop with that talk. What are you going to do? Call up a Paul Revere, ask him if he wants to buy a batch of cabbage pusses. I've been thinking, Luigi, this ain't the neighborhood of parantics. Lots of people pass that store every day, see? So I've got a way for you to pay off your rent and still keep your next door in case you ever change your mind about a rosa. Well, Pascuali, what's your idea? I'm going to rent out the front half of your antique shop. You're going to rent out the front half of your antique shop? Yes, it's just for the summer. Yeah, but what are they going to sell today? Hot dogs. Hot dogs? Oh, no, no, no, Pascuali, you're joking. Yeah, then why aren't you laughing? I'm just going to knock out the front half and set up an open account for the pass of the trade. What are you so afraid of? It's a good thing I'm doing this. That's a good thing. Sure, Thomas, you're going to rent out the front half and set up an open account for the pass of the trade. That's a good thing. Sure, Thomas and Jefferson and the others, if they die and they get in the back of the store and get in too much of a sunbite in your window. And believe me, when Washington and the other fellas in the boat get a smell of them hot dogs, they're going to knock off a road and go to lunch. No, no, Pascuali, you can't talk like this. You can't do this to me. Oh, no. Hey, Jerry, Jerry, will you stop your dinner a minute to come over here? Jerry, I mean to Luigi, a fellow who's going to be selling antiques and back to your hot dog store. Oh, hi, Luigi. Hey, we're going to make a great combination, kid. You were the antiques and me with a 20-year-old mustard. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He didn't beat it. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're going to beat it up. No, no, no, Pascuali, nobody's going to buy my antiques if they're from a hot dog store. Oh, I don't say that, Luigi. Maybe we can work together, partner. Every hot dog, we give away free one spinning wheel. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. There you are. Get your red hot, hot dogs. Nice hot, hot dogs, just like Betsy Ross used to make. No, no, no, I'm a nut that you're packing and you're crazy. Hey, what's eating you? You hot the dogs then. That's the what kind of goodbye. I guess we're making popcorn. Quiet, please. Settle down, please. I'll call the road. Mr. Basko? Here? Mr. Horowitz? Yeah? Mr. Shultz? Eh, yeah? Mr. Shultz? Columbus, 40, 92, the pilgrim, 16, 20, evolutionary board, 17, 89. Uh, Mr. Shultz? Don't stop me, Miss Spaulding. I'm going to give you all the right answers before I forget them. Mr. Shultz, I don't know why you quoted those dates. Today's lesson was in English, not in history. Himmel, today I got smart for nothing. Well, let's get on. I assigned you the lesson on punctuation marks. Yes, Mr. Basko? Is your hand raised? Yes, Miss Spaulding. Miss Spaulding, you think it's a right to sell hot dogs in antique shops? Well, Mr. Basko, whatever it is, please save your personal problems till after class. Now, gentlemen, getting back to our English lesson, who can tell us the difference between a comma and a semicolon? Mr. Horowitz? Well, a comma is like a little fish hook, and a semicolon is like a little fish hook with a voiment up. Well, I'll accept that. Oh, it brings a tackle and then I'll go fishing. Oh, please. Now, tell us about the uses of the comma and semicolon. Suppose you give us an example to illustrate. With pleasure. John, Henry, Jack and Joe ventured the movies. And where are the comma? Between John and Henry, and Henry and Jack, and Jack and Joe. Oh, is he splitting up that family? No, not quite, Mr. Horowitz. Mr. Schultz, what would you put between Jack and Joe? In the movies? Two pretty girls. No, no. A bag of popcorn? No, no. Mr. Basko, what do you think? Well, I'm, I'm thinking the movies would be alright to have dogs, but they're never in an antique shop. Oh, Mr. Basko, can't you get your mind on your words? No, Mr. Spaulding is impossible to get in my mind on a work, because, because I'm starting to think of what a Baskoley wants to do. That's the worst thing that can happen to me. Oh, Luigi, why do you stand for it? Because, Horowitz, I, I, I don't know what to do. Well, now, sometimes a misfortune can be a blessing in disguise. Now, if Baskoley goes through with this plan, it just might help your future. Yeah, but, uh... How is it gonna help my future, Horowitz? Well, uh, Luigi, you might be fortunate to find a, a more suitable store. You know there's something to that, Mr. Basko. Yeah, but I'm even a kind of peddler after for this one. Ha, ha! You just hit the nail on the head. Using Baskoley would ever stand when someone else, but he stands for you. That's right. You'll always keep your arms as long as there's a chance you'll marry his daughter. He's just a little girl. If there's a chance you'll marry his daughter. He's just putting the squeeze on you again with the roast. Yeah, and that's some squeeze. Luigi, Luigi, don't worry. Just go back and tell him, or, squally, pick between me and the hot dogs. About a first, you baby, you better fat-knock a little. He'll pick and you'll still look like a hot dog. Smile. You, you really have nothing to lose. Live it, yeah. Positive, you'll have to beg that. So, Mr. Basko, just be firm. All right, just to be firm, huh? All right, I'm not going to tell him. Hey, but a friend, whatever Baskoley says, you go, Luigi, and the hot dogs will stay then and what? Ah, that's impossible, Luigi. As long as Baskoley has got a fat daughter and as long as you are single, not one hot dog is going to snuggle in a bomb this summer. Hey, Baskoley. Right now, Baskoley, quickly, you got to choose between me and the hot dogs. That's easy, I'm picking the hot dogs. Well, I'm going to talk to you later because, Baskoley, you, you said it, the hot dogs. I didn't say ex-Avia Cougats. Baskoley, you better listen to me because I'm going to have to make no joke. If you want to sell the hot dogs in the antique shop, I'm packing up in a living. I'm a living in you and the Rossa. Goodbye, goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye. Yes, a wonderful bye for me and a wonderful Rossa. Now goodbye, I said it for both of us together, goodbye. Baskoley, I'm not going to say goodbye to you. Too bad. I'm not even going to say good. I don't care if you don't even say good. I, I, I know you don't mean it, so I'm going to give you another chance. Thanks very much. Goodbye. All right. One more chance. Oh, stop standing there, taking like a slot machine. Goodbye, good riddance, and don't ever bother me again. I'm a wonderful ninja. Luigi, I'd like to mention the extra enjoyment. Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum can give you now that the weather is getting warmer. When you're active out in the sun or working hard indoors, there are times when your mouth and throat get dry. Well, just slip a stick of refreshing Wrigley's Spearman gum into your mouth. Start in chewing and see what a difference it makes. That lively, full-bodied Spearman flavor cools your mouth right away, and the pleasant chewing helps keep your throat moist and refreshed. Just chewing a stick of Wrigley's Spearman gum really gives you a little lift and helps you keep going at your best. It sweetens your breath, too. So keep a package of delicious Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum handy all the time. It's a refreshing treat that's easy to carry with you and enjoy at any time. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother-in-law. Well, Mamma Mia, I'm going to find out as soon enough that a Pasquale is a really meanie. He wants my shoe to get out, so he's going to open up a hot dog a place to sit. He's putting it under my door this morning and there was another Pasquale forming as a ridder. If you ain't out by half past three, I'm going to spray the place to where it did it came. So Mamma Mia, there's nothing left for me to do, so I'm going to pack up all of my clothes. I'm going to take everything from all the shelves. I'm going to put everything out of all of the places I'm going to get. I'm going to put everything else I'm all in the world. And this is going to take me five minutes. But where am I going now? What am I going to do? I'm going to know. Oh, wait, Mamma Mia, is there somebody coming in? Luigi, my fellow boom friend. Tell me, what happened? Your face looks so white. What did you get? A moonburn? No, no, I'm sure it's that. Pasquale has picked the hot dogs and I'm going to go. Ach, well, smile, Luigi. Like we say in the delicatessen business, every knock is a verse. Yeah, but for me, it's too bad to show you because when I'm a walk out of the store, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I living? Well, it is tough with you, Luigi. You are too old for the army and you're too young for social security. Listen, Luigi, it's partly my fault what has happened. So I give you the wrong advice. I'm going to help you get a job. A job? No, no, no, no. I'm going to remember what's happened when I took out a job in a factory. Yeah, yeah, it's 12 o'clock, it's all blue and you yelled out, everybody should hide, it's an air raid. I guess that's when somebody's asking for help and I'm just saying that she's in her workaholic. That's no good in either because, sure, I'm on a good foreign ticket shop. For anything else, I'm going to get a tulip behind me. Tulip? Huh? People, you'd make a wonderful fair basement for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Ah, smile, Luigi, don't give up. We're going to look into newspapers and find them. All right, it's just that I'm an officer. Here's something right here. He wanted 75 dollars to start pleasant working conditions of this big executive in his work. All right, that's a good issue. Yeah, sure, another way. Here's a catch. You better be a young attractive girl. I better look under the mail section. I like it. Yeah, but I'm going to call off some jobs, Luigi, and you stop me when it sounds interesting. Yeah, but, uh, middle machines, a drill press operator, tool grinder, uh, hydraulic installer, cheek and fixture builder, a metal fiddler, punch press operator. Ah, Luigi, why couldn't you be a young attractive girl? It's just that I'm not... No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here's something. Soda church, one of the ice cream parlors. No experience necessary. That's it, Luigi. You're a soda church. Yeah, but I'm sure someone never started a jack-in-in-my-life thing. Look, the church in Soda starts only at the beginning, with your business sense. I see great things to do. But the water church... Well, you know how drug stores look in Soda Parking. After your own Soda Parking, you can take in a line of toothbrushes and then you'll have a drug store. Yeah, but I'm sure... But I'm sure you think it could happen. Why not, Luigi? Toothbrushes and ice cream. You'll make a fortune. But how wonderful. People will brush their teeth with a moniated pistachio. You can be so rich, you can be so rich you're going to spend your windows in a fine hotel in Las Vegas, and your summers in that same hotel. Your springs in that same hotel. And then what should someone ever going to travel though? I'm sure you're going to travel. You're going to be so rich you can take that hotel along with you. That smile, Luigi, she asked. Everything is going to turn out fine. Oh, she'll say thank you. You know, this is wonderful to be like you, she'll say. You're always happy. Well, that's my model, Luigi. Yeah, I'd walk a mile for a smile. Now, you go get this ice cream job and, Luigi, remember, be like me. Always happy. Always loving. My room, I think, is a miss kill in me. Oh, yes, Annie. You want a nice ice cream economy, huh? Give me a chocolate sundae. All right. You come back in a five days for those only Thursdays. I want a chocolate sundae. Today, not sundae. Please, little boy. You mix me all up, please. What's the trouble with, though? Well, you see, he's only a little boy with English. I want a chocolate sundae with chocolate syrup. Oh, right, kid. One black bottom. One of what? The black bottom. That's a chocolate sundae. Mummy, it's a one-addiction item. I forgot to buy a soda dictionary. Don't worry, Vasco. You'll catch on fast. Just call those orders into Charlie nice and loud. Here's some of the lingo. What's the reckoning? If somebody orders a soda, you say fizz water. Well, what's the matter with a soda? Somebody's got something against that the word? No, no. Just how we say. If somebody wants an ice cream cone with two scoops, that's a double-decker black stick. Artificial flavor and bug juice. Root beer's called 55. Chocolate ice cream's chopped vanilla's van. Four scoops of ice cream's pourin' a boat. Any question? Well, yeah, about a two dozen. Come on, mummy. English and languages are so crazy All right, yes, sir, they're coming up. Vasco, keep it up. You're doing fine. Thinkin' nothin' out of their budget. Now, what are you gonna have there? How about a chocolate soda? Oh, sure. One a bucket of juice up and down, up in a sec. How are you doing? I'm the bear, monsieur. I'm the bear. What are you? Is that a church or a radar special? No, no, no, monsieur. You gotta get the half. That's the lingo. A glass of milk, please. All right, sir. Where's the cow? Smaller glass of butter? No, lard. You must not talk. Even I am for shimmer. Tell me, look, I gave Vasco a lot of this place. Was he down here yet? No, no, I'm expecting him, but he's in a camp. Look, here, he comes now. I'll put it on a big act. Very independent. The lard to me is very hot outside. I'm likely some refreshment. Oh, of course you are, sir. Come closer, my boy. You look like somebody I know. Pumpkin-seed eyes, if they remind me of somebody, but the melon head is a little different. Well, all right, Jack. I'm busy. What is it? Look who's getting up in the pub today. All right, give me a chocolate and all of the milk. One of the black and the white. And of course, some eggs, sir. Mr. Breaker, come on, Luigi. I know you. What's this, a double at all? Well, you thought I wouldn't be good if nothing else, so you threw me out. For what are you all wrong? I'm going to wait on a similar customer. Yes, sir, is there something for you? I'll have a banana split. One-a-house about that. And are you pleased? Oh, I'll have three flavors of ice cream with nuts, crushed fruit, whipped cream and plenty of nice red cherries. How do you call it, Pascale? How do you like it the way I'm working out here? You think you're rubbing it in on me, huh? Well, Luigi, just a few information. I had the contract to make up a plan that he's starting to build the next week. What? You're going to throw at everything? That's all right. It's a free country. I'm not going to stop you from taking this as a job, but it's also a free country that can change the antique shop to a hot dog stand. Goodbye. Here's the money. You can eat in my mall to the milk. I hope you eat so many you'll get a fat in a bust. I've heard everything, Luigi. Oh, how you got that spaghetti veil from Matt. But it's just the way to do it. He's never going to let me back in. Ah, you know what? You got it. A good job. Ah, you little wiener schnitzel. Your heart ain't really... Ain't really Mr. Park Juice in the house post, huh? No, no, no, sir. Well, all right, Luigi. I got one more idea in my head. Pasquale gave it to me when he said you should eat till you bust. You mean you want me to buy some? No, no, no, but I know a certain other party who will. And Luigi, smile. I guarantee you're going to get back your antique shop, or my name ain't shake. I mean Schultz. Ah, you got me talking like a jerk now. I don't have a glass of missionary. I'd like to, yes, sir. Where's the capistan now? Up with the top? Oh, I'll best tell you back again after the third time this week. If you want to kick me out, why you keep coming back? Luigi, for myself, I'm happy to get rid of you and I got the contract to start this afternoon. Contract? What? Excuse me, Pasquale, make up another three house boats for that party in the booth back there. Okay, boss. It's not a trip, Anastasia. Now, you see, Luigi, with a rose, it's a different. She don't stay around the store anymore. She goes away for long afternoons. And when all the warriors, she's already gained the ten pounds in one week. Oh, that's so bad. Er, Basquale, that party said, as soon as you're through with the three house boats, get some morons for lights ready. Mummy, how does the party connect? Luigi, what kind of a customer you got here? Every time I come in, they eat like a pair of horses. Who can afford us so much? Yeah, but that's the privilege, Pasquale. And a customer, did you say morons is the light? That's not it. Because there's been no shakes. Rosa, after you, they're taking like a pair of pigs. Soldiers, the way you get all the money, she's going to weigh 400 pounds as soon. She's going to bust. Well, so what? For how is there going to be a happy explosion? Rosa, here's your three milk shakes. This is a free country, nobody's going to stop you. You listen to stop that, I do anything. I take you back, I'm going to stop that. Oh, no, no, no, Pasquale, I'm making a good money here. Luigi, money ain't everything. Well, if money ain't everything, are you throwing me out there? Hello, why are you throwing me out there and putting in a hot dog stand? Oh, don't listen to me, I'm a big liar. Well, then Pasquale, you forget the hot dog stand and take me back here? Anything, anything, Luigi, please come back. Well, I don't. All right, Pasquale. Welcome home, my son. It's good to come home, Pasquale. Hey, how about a chocolate mollo, not with eggs? All right, then. Chocolate mollo with eggs. Chocolate mollo with milk with one egg. What? You heard me, boss, chocolate mollo with milk with one egg. I'm tired of you double the talk and I'm quitting the goodbye. I'm back in my antique shop and there's going to be no hot dogs and you saw the head this summer and everybody's happy, especially Rosa. 10 pounds are happier. Well, I'm learning the whole act in an ice cream appala. All the different language is called the lingo. And when I'm going to come back to Pasquale's story, he's the one to learn it too. So he's the son to me. Hey, Luigi, if you were still a Wacken man, I'd order for chocolate mollo with an egg to come in. You want a little milk with one egg? Well, Pasquale, is it like this? Want a milk with twisted chocolate and a macadacacca? So tonight, the mom and me are sleep-well-good to know I'm always thinking of you, your loving son, the Luigi bass, the little him. Folks, the makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi and they want to remind you that delicious Wrigley Spearman Gum is good to enjoy whether you're indoors or out, relaxing. The refreshing flavor of Wrigley Spearman cools your mouth and sweetens your breath. Besides, the chewing action helps cleanse your teeth and helps keep them looking bright and attractive. So for a daily treat that's good for you and gives you flavor enjoyment plus chewing enjoyment, get a few packages of refreshing, delicious Wrigley Spearman Gum. It costs so little, you can enjoy it often every day. The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum write another letter to his mama-basco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a sigh-howered production and is directed by Norman McDonough. Mac Benhoff writes the script with Lou Dermott. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basco with Alameda Spasquale, Hans Connery of Schultz, Jody Gilbert of Groza, Mary Shippes of Miss Balding, Joe Forfea's Horowitz and Ken Peter Bezos. Music is directed by Lev Gluck, Bob Stephenson speaking to some CV ads for Columbia broadcasting.