 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you, happy boys and honey. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time, and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Little Miss Honey, how are you today? I'm just fine. Let me see, you're the girl who's going to start school again, aren't you? Yes, my school started a week ago on Monday. Well, I know a lot of schools that did, but then there are lots of schools, of course, all over the country, and many of them start at different times. You suppose my school starts? I'm sure it was. You're one of the first ones off on the big race to be the best educated girl this year. I am? You are. And you know the secret of winning? Study real hard? That's right. And remember, if there's something you don't understand, just ask your teacher to help you. That's very important. Yes, it is, because if you don't understand what comes after, it's going to be very hard to understand. Yes, that's a very important point. How can you ever know how much 3,000 times 755 is if you don't know how much two and two are? Huh? Oh, now you're teasing me. Well, maybe I am, but it's true. I suppose it is. Now would you please read me the funny? Puck the comic weekly? Very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page, under Bringing Up Father, our new comic strip, Beetle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beetle. Every time Beetle Bailey turns around, he seems to stumble into trouble. Today at his army outpost, he's been doing a little batting practice. Up in the air goes the ball. And down it comes, straight into a window. His top sergeant sticks his head through the window and roars, Bailey, I think I'll go stark, raving, lonely if I have to look at you another minute. Come here! Beetle stumbles into the office. He stops in front of the sergeant's second picture top row and salutes. The top sergeant writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Beetle. Hate this pass and go into town, go anywhere but go! A little later, Beetle is in town. He goes to the USO, which is a place where soldiers are entertained in their hours off duty. Last picture top row, he rides a game of pool, takes careful aim at a ball, and then takes a poke at it with a stick. It misses the ball and rips up the cloth on the table, spoiling the game for everybody else. I guess this just isn't my game. First picture bottom row, he flies a game of darts, but misses the target and the darts stick in the wall. And then, one of them does a complete curve and ends up in the back of a lady. Beetle exclaims, Maybe I better find something else to know. A few minutes later, he's at the refreshment table with a plate loaded with 10 donuts and a cup of coffee. The girl at the coffee counter asks him psychastically if he has enough donuts. He answers, Yeah, this is plenty, thanks. He walks over to a chair that a girl is standing in front of, thinking, I'll just sit down here and stay out of trouble. Beetle pulls the chair away just as she starts to sit down. And down the girl goes. Last picture, the door of the top sergeant's office opens and in walks Beetle. Oops! He salutes again. And hands the sergeant the pass. They said you get paid for putting up with me. Oh, no! Yes, he is. Especially when he pulled that chair out from under that girl. Well, would you like that to happen to you? No. Neither would I. Well, now let's go over the page. Well, people were attacking the castle of Andalcrag, and the people there were the nicest people in the world at that time. Yes, and the leader was Prince Cameron. And for a long, long time, the Huns had been attacking the castle. And finally... It looked like the moment when the people inside the castle might have to give up. I wonder if they will. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur. Eckhart, Breckett, Grey Mulk and Quince. Music romantic for a fair, fair prince. Val continues to tell his story to young Arff, who writes swiftly, as Val tells the tragic fate of Andalcrag. The Hun was master from sea to sea. And only Andalcrag stood above the smoke of rabid Europe unconquered. Now our food and drink were gone. Gone. One night we carried the vast treasures of Andalcrag and placed them in a vault beneath the floor. At dawn the work was done. And then, then one by one, the graceful, high-hearted ladies, mad farewell to husband and son or sweetheart, and slowly mounted the tower stairway. Last picture, top roll. Cameron and self applied the torch that would bring roof and walls crashing down in final ruin. I turned to him first picture, second row and cried. But my captain, the ladies, they're still up in the tower. Pointing to the screaming Huns outside, Prince Cameron answered, the ladies don't chew to fall into the hands of those demons. And then last picture, second row, the remnant of that brave band armed themselves and left their flaming home by a secret way. And fearful was the gleaming of their eyes as they went to their last encounter with the Huns. A huge boulder blocked the exit of their tunnel, but they threw their weight against it first picture bottom row and went leaping out into the sunlight, shouting their battle cries. They cut a crimson path through the enemy ranks. And last picture, the sun went down and in the gathering darkness, I remember standing alone within the flaming circle of my singing song. Yes, it looks like the only man left alive is Prince Valiant. Yes, it was. But people like Prince Cameron would rather die gloriously than live to be tortured by cruel men like those Huns. Well, next week we'll find out more about the life of Prince Valiant and the story of Thule. Now let's go looking for Robin Hood. Go past the little king, across page five, past the lone ranger, turn over that page, and here he is, Robin Hood. And you remember that week? Yes, it was a close shave, but he escaped into the woods and just when it looked like he might be caught, his men popped out of the bushes and with their arrows sent the sheriff's men flying back. I wonder, does he really get away though? Well, let's read now and find out. Let's go with the story of Robin Hood. It's merry, merry England and days long ago. Time now for Robin Hood. So music, hi-ho! Saved by the dramatic arrival of his band, Robin leaves the counter-charge against the sheriff's fleeing archers. The sheriff shouts in panic, Disperse! Take cover! In no time at all, the sheriff's men have disappeared and Robin's happy outlaws gather around Prior Tuck, who now has a bump on his head. Prior Tuck says third picture top row. Well now Robin, it seems that I am one of you. Robin looking at the huge fryer laughs. Hey good fryer, you are two of us! Two years pass. One word reaches London that the king's crusade has ended in failure with Richard himself held prisoner in Austria for a ransom of 100,000 marks. When the queen learns this news, first picture bottom row with the mate Marion, she hastens to nodding him to plead for the help of Prince John, who was King Richard's brother. But Prince John doesn't want to help Richard get back because he wants to get the throne for himself. He says to the queen, Why I am improper, he's trying to protect the realm against that cursed outlaw Robin Hood. The mate Marion says defiantly that this is not true, that Robin Hood loves the king. John answers, he loves him better in a foreign prison. The mate Marion asks the queen to send her to Robin Hood so she can prove Robin's loyalty to the king. The queen doesn't think she should, but Prince John says last picture, Well, let her seek out her suede. If the proud Marion has already been nicked by Cupid's dogs, what harm can outlaw arrows do? Now, you see, as long as Richard is out of the country, Prince John is in charge of things and he can tax the people and take that money for himself. King Richard would never do that because he's good. No, he wouldn't. Well, that's something we'll find out next week. But now I think you'd like to read Donald Duck. Well, you'll find him on the last page of the first section, so let's get there right away. And here we go with Donald Duck all good for a chuckle. Say the magic words with me. Squeeze, jump, squeeze, jump, squilly, chicken track. Let's have music to better quack, quack. Donald's had his car to the garage for repairs and after paying the bill, he decides he might be wiser to trade his 1940 model in on a 1942 car. It's time you can go. Donald's at a place where they sell cars and a salesman is saying, fourth picture, top row. Well, here we are, sir, a 1942 job, playing as a whistle. Does this have the automatic transmission? The salesman points to another car, last picture, top row. And no, that came out on his 1946 model. Looks better, too. I suppose it has the twin carburetors in the overdrive. The salesman points to another car, first picture, bottom row. Well, no, those first appear in this 1947 model over here. That's a job with 50 more horsepower, too, isn't it? No, no, no, that was a 1948. I have one back here. Okay, that's it. And naturally, this has power steering and push-button windows. Well, no, sir, only the 1952 models have those. And by the time you can go, last picture, Donald is driving down the street in a brand-new beautiful car, and he says, boy, what a high-pressure artist he was. Yes, and then he says the salesman high-pressured him into buying the car. Yes, he did. Well, now let's go to the first page of the second section. Well, we'll find out in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly, and on the first page of the second section, Dagwood and Blondie. Very well, my lady. Ramaphood, emma-fums, him-zam-zombie, conjue me music for Dagwood and Blondie. Dagwood's going to repair his ceiling today. He sets the tub of plaster down on the floor, and then climbs the ladder and starts to work. Last picture top row, Dagwood's daughter, Cookie, and some of her friends are making jelly sandwiches. Cookie says, My daddy's plastering the ceiling. And let's go in and watch him. So the kids drop in to watch Dagwood at work. Dagwood says, first picture, second row. Hey, you kids know, keep away from that tub of plaster before you have an accident. And no sooner has he turned his back than little Elmo starts to cry. Dagwood dashes down the ladder. I knew it! He sees Elmo's sister reaching into the plaster for something. Cookie says, Elmo, Now go on, get upstairs, get upstairs! Dagwood chases the kids upstairs. Last picture, second row. A little later, Dagwood is putting the finishing touches to his job. First picture, third row. He says proudly, Ah, there, it's finished. And a perfect job if I do say so myself. And then he calls Blondie and his neighbors the woodlies in. Ah, you thought I couldn't do it. Now come on in and see the finished job. They all trope into the house. Last picture, third row, they stop and stare at the ceiling. Herb exclaims, By golly, you can't even tell where he repaired it. And Tootsie says, Dagwood, you're a genius. And Dagwood smiles proudly. First picture, bottom row, upstairs, the kids are playing a game. They're standing in a bureau and one of them says, Let's see who can jump the farthest. She leaps off the bureau under the floor. Knocking the soft plaster off the ceiling. Smack into the faces of the woodlies, Dagwood and Blondie below. Last picture, the kids dash down the stairs. They stop and surprise as they see four people covered with plaster from their heads to their shoulders. And Cookie's playmate asks, Hey, who are those people? I own them. Yes. Dagwood should have sent the kids to the basement instead of upstairs. Yes, I did. Well, I bet he will next time. Yes, I bet he will next time. Yes. Well, now look underneath Dagwood and Blondie. There's Big Ben Bolt. Yes. He gets some gasoline and he gets caught right in the middle of a field and the ventures, their names were, were they even shot off guns at each other? Yes. And when the ventures' child was hit by a bullet Ben made the ventures stop shooting and stepped out on the porch with a boy in his arms. And then... Yes, but they didn't. The leader of the Halliday's told one of his own men to take the boy to the doctor. But he wouldn't let... Well, let's find out right now. Here we go with Big Ben Bolt. Faint and punch and dodge and twist. It's a knockout blow from Big Ben's fist. Two-man Halliday says to Ben, Well, even if you ain't got no venture blood, you're as bad as one of them. And you're being unarmed, you ain't going to help because you're meeting up with little David. A giant of a man answers. You callin' me, I'll go. Knee aside your rifle, little David. It's not gunfightin', I'm wantin' you for. A giant walks toward Ben as the old man says, last picture, top row. You can skid you now, mister, providing you can first get past David. Who ate amen to let you go far? Before Ben can move, little David punches him by the back of the neck and begins to shut off Ben's breath, fighting desperately for breath. Ben sinks his right into little David's stomach, first picture, bottom row. You can't do no harm there, mister, and bigger men than you have tried. Half-choked to death, Ben lapses into unconsciousness. David shoves him to the ground. Old man Halliday says, Pour some water on him, Godfrey. He ain't finished yet. There ain't on your feet, mister. Little David ain't hardly showed you nothin' yet. Have your David. Little David leans over Ben and says, No, he ain't even been kicked or twisted yet. Fighting his way back to consciousness, Ben slowly climbs to his feet. He sees little David lift his foot to kick him. Quickly, Ben grabs David's foot and against a twist at last picture, his old man Halliday yells, Look out, David. He's planted a trick here. So the Ben can't get away and they let that big giant who's much bigger than Ben choke him like that. No, I don't have any time for people like that either. I'm glad that Ben got Halliday's foot and I hope he twists his foot right off. Well, maybe Ben can use some of his good wrestling technique and still whip little David, even though David is much bigger than he is. I hope he does. Well, we'll find out more about that next week. Now, let's turn over the page to Roy Rogers. Yes, and he'd come to that trading post with that guard from the stagecoach. Yes, they had trailed hairpin Hobbs, who had held up the coach. And the guard. Roy in a quick fight disarmed Hobbs and told Sam Teal, who owned the trading post, to lock Hobbs up. And then what? We'll find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Hi-yip-yo. Now, here we go with Roy and Trigger. Hi-yip-yo. The wounded guard has been loaded into a wagon. And Roy is saying to the driver, now when you reach town with the wounded shotgun guard, you can tell the sheriff, hairpin Hobbs shot him. We'll hold him here. And what was that? Roy runs around behind the store and meets Sam Teal, who was carrying his waifu. Teal says cheerfully, okay, you can hold it, Rogers. Hairpin tried to make a break for it and I had to plug him. Good riddance, say I. Well, I reckon the sheriff will want an explanation, Sam. Why don't you tell him what happened then? I'm going down to the river and salvage one of the wheels on that burned stage. Got a hunch I can make a nice lamp fixture out of it. Soon as Teal is gone, Roy, who suspects that Teal might be smuggling gold on the stagecoach, slips into his workshop. First picture bottom row, he sees a wooden ring on the wall. Yeah, I wonder what that wooden ring is for. Roy gives it a pull. That trap door opens on the floor in front of him. Roy goes down the ladder leading below. He sees a lot of wagon wheels and exclaims, he looks like Sam's a collector of wagon wheels, but there's a scope missing from each one. Last picture, Sam Teal gets back to his trading post. He sees the open skylight. He reaches for his rifle and exclaims, Roger's horse and that skylight prepped open. I thought he was smart and he let on, but he won't be for long. This has discovered that Sam Teal is the one who's been smuggling the gold on the stagecoach's head. Yes, I think those wagon wheels with the scope missing has something to do with it. But now that Sam Teal knows that Roy's in there, if Roy doesn't get out of that basement quick, why Teal may lock him up down in that room and then when might happen, he might even shoot Roy dead. Well, let's not get too worried. We'll find out more about this next week. Now, let's go over the page to Dick's Adventures. Oh, yes, and I'm anxious to read Dick's Adventures because he's been in the early days of America with General Hull and last week, General Hull had to surrender his fort to the British. That was because the British were at war with the Americans and had thousands of Indians on their side. But I wonder what'll happen next in this war between the British and the Americans. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Dick's Adventures in Greenland. Say the magic words with me. Riggity-pack-a-zack-a-zick. Let's have music for adventurous Dick. Dick and his dad have been reading about Oliver Perry, who is a famous American seaman. Dick's getting drowsy. He says to his dad, you know, I guess Oliver Hazard Perry was one of the most famous naval heroes in history, huh, Dad? Well, he wasn't even on the ocean, but he fought his greatest battle. Oh, gosh, I'm getting sleepy. Dick falls asleep and in his mind begins to go back, back, back. He sees himself last picture top row on a blustery day in Lebanon, Connecticut in February, 1813. Dick and his good friend, Alex Perry, are listening to Papa Perry, an old Navy man, while Mother Perry fix a supper. The old man goes on. Well, the only way we can recapture Detroit is to find a hard-pisted commander to smash the British fleet off Lake Erie. First picture of the ship, and then the first picture of the ship, and then the second picture of the ship, and then the commander to smash the British fleet off Lake Erie. First picture of the second row, the old man goes on. Now let's see who we've got in the Navy. There's Rodgers, Decatur, St. Clair, Ohl, Porter, and every one of them, Sound, Season, Saltwater Sailor. Yes, sir, any one of them could do it. Then Alexander Perry speaks up with a small brother's pride. Well, what about Oliver, Pa? He's the finest sailor in the United States Navy. And he goes on last picture of the second row. He was a midshipman when he was 15, only two years older than I am now. He was a Tripoli when we knocked the Stuffins out of the Barbary Coast Pirates. Oh, if I were President Madison Pa, I bet you I'd appoint Oliver to kick the breeze right off Lake Erie. My first picture of the bottom row, Mr. Perry shakes his head. Oh, no, Ollie's only 27. Too young, much, much, too young for a job as big as that. Oh, they wouldn't even think of him. Last picture at that moment, the door swings open, and in steps a tall, good-looking young man in the uniform of the United States Navy. He shoots his dad with a grin and says, At your service, Papa, Lieutenant Oliver has at Perry on orders to report for immediate duty on Lake Erie to build a fleet of ships and push the British back to where they came from. Yes, especially in that uniform. And even though he spotted that he was too young, he's going to be made captain or something of some ship, isn't he? And his job is to clear Lake Erie of the British who are fighting the Americans. Oh, I'm anxious to see that. Well, I'm sure you will in the weeks to come. Now look underneath Dick's adventures, there's Rusty Riley, who has been training his colt for that famous horse race. And that's Joan so that that mean Mr. Milo can't take her far away from her. But Rusty has a problem. His horse isn't running right. Yes, Rusty's fine. Well, let's read now and see if he solves the problem. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. As Rusty and Pete are trying to figure out why his horse is lifting its feet in that peculiar manner, a tall, quaint-looking man wearing a stove-pipe hat approaches and says, last picture, top row. Oh, my dear, youngy questions, are you the fortunate proprietors of his eye-feeling steed? Has Handsomer descended into the great good dolphin as I have ever seen? I mean, if you mean, is this our horse? Oh, yes, sir. The man goes on. First picture, bottom row. Am I correct in assuming that your presence with that equine beauty upon this circular pathway presages his entry in a contest of speed? Well, if you mean, are we going to race him? We got him entered in the Bluebrook Handicap, but there's something wrong with his gait. Yes, so I observed as I approached from yarn shed, which is my temporary residence. If you will permit his suggestion, I believe we can correct his tendency to indulge in a cake walk. Keepers, do you know about horses? Do I know about horses? My friends, you are gazing upon Cedric Wellington Chumlee, probably the world's greatest equine expert. Do expedite matters. Just you call me Stovepipe. Well, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Stovepipe. This is Pete Peters, and I'm Rusty Raleigh. What do you think is wrong with Space Pilot? Last picture, Stovepipe looks at the horses who have been exclaimed. Oh, my suspicion is justified. This horse has been shot with a tip shoe for pasture, but it's much too heavy. We must hire us to the village smithy and equip this deed with racing plates. Call me Mr. Stovepipe. I really do know about horses. What the trouble is? Yes, it does. And if he's right, all they have to do is to change the work shoes on the horses' hooves. And then the horn. Well, we'll find out more about that next week. But now that's all the time I have. Before I go, here's that nice fellow with some interesting information. Honey and all you boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, Miss Honey. Okay, that's a date. And a date with all you boys and girls. I'll be back with a little friend, Miss Honey, next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. Oh, I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man. I'll be back to read the funnies. Do you happy boys and hoodies? Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.