 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Astley of johnthansley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. The topic, the five common chasing mistakes women make with men and how to do it differently. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion. And traditional expectations. All right, let's get started with those five common mistakes, chasing mistakes women make. So I wanna first differentiate the difference between chasing and making more effort. I repeat that chasing and making more effort because I don't generally think women are actually chasing men, like the guys are running away and she's chasing them. I think what happens oftentimes is we see women making more effort in the relationship than men and that's perceived as chasing. And if you follow my work, I'm a big proponent of being in relationships where it's a two-lane street where you're equally making effort at the same pace, at the same pace. So if he makes a little bit of effort, you make a little bit of effort. If you make a little bit of effort, he makes a little bit of effort. It should feel like a good game of ping pong, a good game of tennis. And what I mean, tennis, not that ace that scores the point, but a good back and forth kind of volley, if you will. And I think those are the relationships that have the greatest chance for success. And certainly if you're making more effort than the man, then you're probably in a lopsided relationship and I think this is rather obvious, right? I mean, it's rather obvious. So I started to think, why does this happen? Why is it that women are in many cases making more effort than men? And I'm gonna go down a road here, just bear with me because I know you've heard this narrative before. And at the same time, I think it's important to revisit this because it's something I see with women habitually as a dating coach for women. So I see it from my vantage point. And I do have a dear friend who works with men as well. So we talk about the differences between men and women. But one of the things I think I see with women is you oftentimes think of relationships in the clouds, in the 40,000 foot level, in the fantasy level. And we've all heard how you've been indoctrinated in the Disney movies, in the movie, the notebook and serendipity. And it's all this fantasy realm of relationship. And you're not oftentimes contemplating the real meat of what it takes to be in a relationship because it's so hyper focused on chemistry and romance and not enough understanding of compatibility, which includes shared values, blendable lifestyles and more importantly, emotional maturity. So I was watching a movie the other day. It's an animated film called Happily Never After, Happily Never After. And it stars Freddie Jr. Prince, Freddie Prince Jr., Freddie Prince, oh, now I messed up his name. And his current wife, Mara, Michelle, Sarah, Sarah Michelle Geller, Michelle Sarah. Wow, I'm totally blanking on their names. But I'm sure you know who the two I'm talking about. And she plays Cinderella and he plays the valet, the page to Prince Charming. Okay. In other words, he plays a commoner in Prince Charming is the obviously the technically the lead role. And yet, and by the way, let's think about this narrative for just a second about Prince Charming. You know, the fantasy around Prince Charming is that his parents are the richest people in town. He's the best looking in town. I mean, he's the everything, the quintessential best of everything, right? And she's just a common woman, okay? In what world? I know, you know, we all think of pretty woman and, you know, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, but let's get real. First off, there aren't too many princes. You know, the two have already been taken that happened to be on the other side of the pond, but let's not go down that road because that could be a shit show conversation. But let's come back to this movie Happily Never After and why I'm bringing it up. It's because in this story, Prince Charming is a bumbling idiot. I mean, he's a buffoon. He barely, he can barely put two sentences together. I mean, he's really a buffoon. And let me think of what's that Cyrano de Bergerac, but I don't wanna go down that road for a second. But so in this storyline, she's in love with the idea of Prince Charming. She's in love with the idea of Prince Charming. But what she realizes is when she, but she's making friends with Freddie, the page in the story, and he happens to be the good guy and Prince Charming is just kind of a buffoon. So why am I bringing this up? It's because we oftentimes are focused on the outside picture and not what's below the surface. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I know many of you are, but if you're new to my channel, I just wanna share this with you. See above, see the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline it says attraction, but compatibility is below the waterline, shared values and blendable lifestyles and that emotional maturity piece. And sadly, most people focus on that piece, the chemistry piece, the social skills of a person and not their deeper relationship skills. What Jonathan, deeper relationship skills, what's that versus social skills? Well, here in the dating process, most of the hyper focus is building your social skills to be able to create that attraction with another human being. That's what a lot of the male coaches teach men. And many of the female coaches are teaching you just to sit back in your feminine energy and let the guy do all the work because he's focused on the social skills and you don't have to do anything. And at the end of the day, why are relationships so fucking dysfunctional? It's because most humans have terrible relationship skills and if you haven't seen my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, by the way, this is not a fact, this is an opinion, I know many of you know this, 20% of the population, at least here in the United States has clinical issues. I mean, real fucked up shit that makes it hard for them to be in relationship and while I state here that 20% is emotionally healthy and have good skills, I'm being ridiculously generous because the vast majority is dysfunctional. So is it any wonder that there's this imbalance when it comes to relationship is any wonder why women are sometimes making more effort than men? Yeah, it's because women tend to have a propensity to want commitment more so than men. I'm not saying this is an absolute, I'm saying it's more of a propensity. And men these days, you know, by the way, that whole saying, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free, the reality is is most men these days are happy just to spend time with you and not actually grow with you in relationship. I'm gonna repeat that they're happy to spend time with you versus actually growing with you to be in a relationship. This is why I created my private coaching program that helps women learn how to pre-qualify their prospects. By the way, there's a link below to get, to schedule a free discovery call with me and I'm happy to say two weeks ago I reported that I have four clients in amazing relationship, one got engaged and in the last five days I've gotten three messages from clients. Two of one, I mean, she just surprised me with a picture, she got married and she allowed me to share this with you all. She got married. By the way, she lives in Australia and I hope, I don't wanna say that privately but let me just show you that she got married. Here's another couple who got married and then here's a couple that got engaged all based on my work. Why am I bringing this up? Because it's time to let go of the fantasy of relationships and the traditional expectations and start understanding the most important thing to be in a relationship and that is making sure you have compatibility, making sure you have compatibility. I'm telling you folks, if you're not emphasizing the importance of compatibility because you're all hyped up on chemistry and there's this, oh my God, there's this amazing chemistry, Jonathan, I've never felt this kind of chemistry before in my life but he's a dysfunctional, he's like Prince Charming in the story I talked to you about. I don't care how great the chemistry is, if they have weak relationship skills, your relationship is doomed to fail. Think about it, here in the United States over 50% of marriages end in divorce, over 65% of second marriages in divorce and over 75% of third marriages end in divorce. Why? Because humans have terrible relationship skills and if you wanna put the odds in your favor besides hiring me, then ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina buy the book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Read this book so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. You are not doing yourself a favor if you haven't ordered this book. Now by the way, purchase my book first. What the heck is self love anyway? I draw it the NAS way, link below. I had to give myself a plug. This is a book, this is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, I make a few bucks on the book. It's not about the money. It's about making a difference in your life. It's about letting go of the fantasy as I stated in the beginning and start dealing with the reality of love because this chasing mistake so many of you make is one of the reasons why many of you're single and I'm so grateful that I can be of service. I mean, I can't believe in the last three weeks, three marriages and one engagement and several great relationships literally by just finishing my program. So maybe I'm good luck Chuck in this way. If you, by the way, I really do believe the minute women make an investment in my program, they all of a sudden become this magnetic attractor for what they want. All right, enough. I'm listening, I'm not selling myself as much as I want to encourage at least a different way of doing this for you all. Okay, so let's talk about the five common chasing mistakes women make. Here's my notes, doo, doo, doo. And let's go take a sip of my drink here. By the way, folks, let that shit go. By the way, Theresa asked, how old were the people who got married and engaged? They were all in their 40s and 50s. The age demographic that I work with, which is midlife, which is after baby making years before retirement, these weren't youngsters. All right, let's talk about those five common chasing mistakes. Now the first one, remember I said chasing is more about making effort? The first one is actually reverse effort, reverse effort. And what I mean to say is so many of you women give your power away to men. Number one, you give your power away to men and you're probably asking, what does that look like? Well, let me tell you, the relationship is on his terms. You abandon your standards and boundaries. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth with him. Number three, when the relationship ends, it's all about him, it's all about him. It's what he didn't do, what he didn't do, what he didn't do, what he didn't do. Number four, waiting for him to initiate contact. I said this before, I'll say it again, a relationship is a two lane street. Number five, you stop doing your pre-relationship life. It's all for him, you're giving your power away. It's reverse effort. Number six, you feel like you can't live without him. But Jonathan, I have the most amazing chemistry with this guy, I've never had this kind of chemistry before. Well, if you said it more than twice in your life, you can get it again and again and again. And number seven, you think the other person is the only person on the universe who will ever love you and you'll have that chemistry with. Again, this is how you give your power away. That's one of the biggest mistakes women make. And again, it's reverse chasing in this category. Okay, number two, you try to change him and don't accept. Oh, well, I'll tell you that in a second. You try to change him or don't accept him. Listen, folks, when a man tells you he's only seeking casual, making effort with a man like that is you're rolling the dice, okay? I want you to think of you have three dice in your hand and you've gotta always come up with number 18, okay? You got one in 3,600 chances or whatever that number is. I just made that up, 300 chances, whatever it is. Folks, when a man says he's only seeking casual, when a man says he only wants this in a relationship, then you either accept him for who he is or you move on. Holding out for a guy is one of the, women will wait, sometimes women wait two, three, four, five years holding out for a guy. When he told you upfront, he doesn't want a relationship with you or he's only seeking something casual. And your options are either to accept it or move on. Number three, you create drama instead of memories. You create drama instead of memories. Many of my contemporaries are teaching you a technique that is actually creates drama, believe it or not. And the technique is like this. You know, it would feel so good if we did this this weekend. It would feel so good to me. So why am I saying that that's drama? Because you know what you're doing in that case? You are saying it's all about me. I don't care about what you wanna do. I only, I expect you to do what I wanna do. But you're framing it in such a way that it's all about him making you happy because men naturally wanna make you happy. That's bullshit. If you wanna go away for the weekend, then make the plan and say, hey, I made plans for us to go out away this weekend. Well, I wanna create some memories together. Don't do this reverse roll shit. It would feel so good if we went away. It feels so good if you text me so often. It would feel so good if you do this. By the way, most men don't buy into that bullshit. When I hear this from women now, I think, oh, they've been trained by those coaches. And I say, stay away from them because I know you've been, those women have been poorly trained. Be careful because that creates drama because if you do it too much, then you become a drama queen. You become an expectation queen. You become a princess. Again, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, it's a two lane street effort. Again, it has to be mutual. If you're making effort, he has to make effort and vice versa. I'm not suggesting you make more or he makes more. I'm saying a two lane street. Number four, you try to tie him down too soon. Again, this goes back to the Disney fantasy many women operate from and that is trying to tie a guy down too soon instead of doing the following. Folks, right from the beginning, find out if you're on the same page. Find out if you're on the same page. Do you want the same things? But Jonathan, he said he wanted a relationship. By the way, the word relationship to you and the word relationship to him could mean two different things. To you, it might look like this because this is how it looks like for me. It might look like this for you. I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional, where we move in together or getting married. That's my standard. To the guy, it's like, you know what? I'm just seeking companionship, I'm seeking connection, I'm seeking sex, and I'm seeking it in my beck and call. That's when I call a relationship. Folks, when you expect him to believe that you want the same thing as him, you are making a huge chasing effort. Mistake, I mean. It's time to get on the same page before that penis goes inside the vagina again. Read the book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. So you can find out if you're on the same page. Folks, you should read this book. How to be an adult in relationship. You should buy two copies. If you're gonna fuck a guy on a regular basis, then he should be reading this book too. Because we have a huge dysfunctional population that doesn't know how to be in relationship that has terrible relationship skills, and they have terrible communication skills. By the way, you women think you have these great communication skills. I talk to women habitually, who have terrible, by the way, I'm talking to most of you. You have terrible communication skills. But you have this fantasy in your head that you think you're good at it. If you really, by the way, there was this Netflix, or excuse me, there was this on Showtime, a series called Couples Therapy. And in it, they had actual therapy sessions of real life couples. And I can tell you that the women were just as bad at expressing what they wanted in relationship as the men were. That's why they needed the therapist as the mediator, because women were just as bad. In fact, I might be biased here, but I thought the men did a pretty good job at expressing themselves, but the women are so caught up in their head, they're caught up in their head that they're not actually listening. And men are so caught up in unconsciousness, they're not listening, because most men, when you're dating today, are winging it, winging it, winging it. Yeah, my clients seem to find that better class of men because they're asking better questions because they're communicating at a more effective way. This is why I recommend purchasing this book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, the link below to Jonathan recommend books is in the description. But Jonathan, all you're doing is recommend reading books. Folks, if you're not reading books, if you're not going to workshops, if you're not watching, listen, my videos are just here to point you in certain directions. You can go, by the way, later, by the way, write this down right now. And if you're watching the replay, pause this after I finish what I have to say. And that is I want you to go on YouTube and look up Marshall Rosenberg in this book. And you can watch hours upon hours of videos teaching you how to communicate better because so many of you do a really shitty job at it, believing you're good at it. It's time to pull your head out of your ass too, ladies. And by the way, let me be clear, men are just as dysfunctional. If you feel criticized, it's only because many of you are living in that fantasy realm that I talked about before. I know I yell. I know some of you don't like that I yell. I think of yelling like this. You're children. You're about to touch fire. And I'm telling you, stop! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Or better yet, I'm Cher in the movie Moonstruck. Okay, better yet, I'm Cher in the movie Moonstruck. And she takes her hand and slaps Nicholas Cage and says, snap out of it. I'm asking you to snap out of the fantasy and start leaning into a healthy, happy relationship in number six, or number five, excuse me, falling in love with the idea of him and not him. Falling in love with the idea of him and not him. This happens because most of you are seeking the fantasy just like I told the story of happily never after, okay? You fall in love with the idea of him and not him. And what happens is you're chasing the fantasy. And so many of you are doing this and it's time to snap out of it. Time to snap out of it and start asking better questions. I was on the phone this weekend with a woman, a friend. I spent an hour coaching her. I mean, I literally was watching a train wreck to happen and I gave her a script. I helped write a script to help her avoid the biggest trap of all in the centers around long distance relationships. And you ladies have this fantasy about long distance relationship that makes you, by the way, you know what? Definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Many of you are doing this in that center and the different result is going in blind and naive like men know what the fuck they're doing. As I said before, and I'll say it again over and over again, most men are rather clueless. They're winging it in this process. You've got to teach them by reading the book eight dates. Is this making sense? Is this resonating? If it is, give me a thumbs up. If it is, say amen. Say yes, Jonathan, we hear you. Write that in the comment section. All right. I think it's time to take questions now. Those who know my format knows the format goes like this. If you have a question to ask me, write the word question or post the question thereafter. That way I can find it or simply purchase a super sticker or super chat. All the monies of the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley who passed away. That's him right there. One of my all time favorite pictures of him. He really was that kid. He took a rope and tied it to a wall and started climbing the walls in the house. He was one of those kids that beat to his own drum. I mean, I don't know if he wasn't ready for the world or the world wasn't ready for him, but he really did. We all know that kid that's different than everyone else that was Connor. By the way, that's my other son, Colin. He's not happy I share this picture, but that's him and I in Amsterdam getting high as a kite and hanging out in Amsterdam. Cheese capital of the world or something like that. All right, again, purchase a super sticker super chat. All the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of Connor Asley given to way to help defray the cost of personal development and donate to those causes like the Hoffman process and to insight seminars.org. All right, I see we have some questions that came in so far. All right, let's go swim in, bear with me a second. Bear with me. I want to thank Julia for the $3 super sticker. Thank you so much. And I want to thank Bob with a question and a $9.99 super sticker. Thank you so much. Is it a very bad idea to get into a dating when my life currently is pretty messy, working on my business, going through many transition? Is there a really a good time to get in? Mm, great question. It's kind of like, can life get in the way of love? That's what I think of it, can life get in the way of love? You know, about six months after Connor passed away, I was introduced to a woman, well, a little bit afterwards. Her son passed away, not too dissimilar to mine. Same age, and I share this because she just began dating a man. They just literally were on their, I think it was their sixth date when she got, they were in the car together when she got the news. Could you imagine being that man there and he's hearing this woman who just lost a child? And he leaned in. He totally leaned into her life. And they actually got married eight months later. But they got engaged, excuse me, and then eventually got married because that was a couple of years ago. So I don't know that, you know, it depends on, here's the thing. Being in a relationship requires showing up. If you're not in capacity to show up, then I think it doesn't make sense to actively date. If you do have a capacity to show up, then it's a different story. So in her case, here she's going through the most traumatic event in her life. Now, mind you, they had just started dating so it wasn't, she was going out dating. She'd just met this man, they've gone on a few dates. I don't think they'd consummated the, you know what piece. Please forgive me for that descriptor. But I think what's most important is if you can't show up for your own life and you can't show up for a relationship, then wait till you can show up in your own life and really be able to show up for another person because they're particular case, there was a little different dynamic going on, but she was very secure in her life. She was certainly deal with the most devastating situation ship. But at the end of the day, the ground underneath her was solid. If the ground, but I guess the reverse question would be, would you want to date a man whose life is messy? Is, I mean, really a train wreck? I'm not suggesting that's what you're are. But would you want to date a man who's a train wreck? Probably not. So that's my invitation for you is to look at it from that perspective. Does that sink in? Does that resonate? Please let me know, Betta. And thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. Nancy writes, yell the fantasy out of us, Jonathan. I'm sorry, yes. Excuse me. All right, let's go swimming. If you have purchased a super stick or super chat, Roller Girl says, you changed your Connor pictures. I change those pictures every video. I've got, by the way, mixtiles.com, mixtiles.com. I've got about 50 or 60 of them. Let's see. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Don't forget, write the word question and post the question there after. Teresa says, we hear you. Danielle loud and clear, coming in loud and clear. Good to hear. Lucia says, I hear you. All right, Lisa V says, question. I've been seeing this guy and ask him, wait, I've been seeing this guy and ask him, am I your girlfriend? And he says, I'm just taking my time. I don't wanna rush things. Anything, I'm going with the, I'm gonna go with the flow in his answer. Okay. Lisa V, has his penis been inside your vagina? Has your mouth been on his cock? Has his tongue been in your vagina? I won't even go through the other orifice, okay? Folks, do not have sex with a guy who isn't your boyfriend. I'm telling you. It's like, I wanna pull my hair out sometimes. I mean, and I've been the guy that's bullshitted you. I have been that guy who's bullshitted you. And when I mean by bullshitted you, I bullshit myself and then you guys buy into it. Again, before the penis goes inside the vagina, purchase this book. If the guy reads it with you, you have an 80% chance of being in a relationship. If a guy doesn't read it, you have almost none chance to be in relationship with him. But Jonathan, that will scare a guy away. All the other female dating coaches tell me to never do this. All these other female dating coaches were so right on. Why are women miserable? My advice is working. Do you know how many women write me day after day after day? Jonathan, I purchased this book before I had sex with a guy. And it's been weeding out all the looky-loos. They're looky-loos, they're looky-loos, they're looking. All they're doing is looking to try to get inside your vagina. But not build a relationship with you. Do not have sex with a guy until he calls you his girlfriend and you call him his boyfriend. Folks, the reason why is you're meeting total strangers these days. You know nothing about them and I can't be there. I'm looking, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date with my shotgun and hand pointed in the guy's face and saying, what's your intentions with my sister? I promise you, he ain't gonna fuck you over if he thinks I'm gonna shoot him in the cock. But you don't have me there. So you've gotta do it for yourself. This is why you better purchase this book Talking to Strangers, what you should know about the people you don't know. By the way, there are really fucked up human beings out there. I mean, remember I came back to my chart between the clinical issues and the dysfunctional, it's 80%. You have an eight out of 10 chance of failing. But you'll let the dick go inside there. And I know this sounds crass to many of you but it's time to fucking wake up to this shit. And I'm sorry I'm yelling at you, Lisa, but it's look at, you know what? My son told me a story. I did something I'm rather ashamed of and he was really rambunctious at a party, obnoxiously rambunctious and I went off on him. Now he's telling me the story 20 years later and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. But you know what he said? He goes, thank you dad for yelling at me. He remembered because he knew he was being rambunctious and out of line. He said that yelling at me helped me today to be more conscious and aware of my actions and behavior. Men need to be fucking called out for this shit. You know who needs to do it is you call these men out on this bullshit behavior. I can't do it, they're not gonna listen to me. And you think they're not gonna listen to you? Believe it or not, it cuts deep when a woman calls a man out on his bullshit. So don't let him get away with this with you. Does everyone agree with me if you say yes, I agree, Jonathan, don't let the penis go inside the vagina until we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Let me know, hit that thumbs up. Lisa, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Sarah says question when a man cheats. That's not a question, Sarah. Lynn writes, when to ask to move in with a boyfriend? It's a good time to ask that. You know, it's a big financial responsibility to move in with someone. I think what's needed most is trust, trust. Do you trust this person has your best interest at heart? Because if you don't have trust, that you do not wanna move in with someone. And trust isn't about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? And do I have their best interest at heart? A lot of times you women operate from that place because you give your power away to men. Until you know in your heart of hearts he has your best interest, do not move in with a guy. That's my suggestion, I'm sticking to it. Jennifer says, I love Moonstruck, just watched it the other day, amen. All right, Jennifer writes, question, do you like Bumble Dating app? You know why I like, yeah, the answer is yes. You know why I like it? Because it requires women to at least make some effort. And what I mean is drop the hanky. By making that initial message, it's dropping the hanky. Now, the challenge for us men is if we're, many women have not all women, but many women have multiple, multiple men they're communicating with. So I like to test these women to see how really interested in their meat, when to me. So when they write high, I write high back, it goes nowhere. Cause they're not really interested in me. They just want me to do all the work. I actually am testing women when I'm on Bumble to see how much effort they'll put into me. Because look, for me it's a two lane street. And I know you're getting hit on by a dozen guys. I'm not gonna be one out of a dozen. I'm the unicorn in my mind, okay? Now, it's not to suggest I won't make effort, but when a woman writes me and says, hey, Jonathan, I really appreciated your profile. I like that photographs. Have you read, I've read a couple of the books. Have you read any of these books? Because my profile, here look, I'll just show you my Bumble profile. By the way, one of the most important thing is to have crisp clear pictures. So that's my first picture, crisp and clear. Can you see that? By the way, it looks blurry because of the camera. Number two, crisp and clear. I know that looks a little blurry, crisp and clear. Number three, Connor's dog, a babysitting or dog sitting. Body shot, so you can look at my body. Happy shot, when I was being crowned emperor, Jonathan the lion hearted. And number six, the books I read. Folks, I look at women's profiles and I can't tell you what a piece of shit most of them are. I mean, I can't believe how many of, look at, wait a minute, let me just pull this up. I took a picture of a couple the other day. Bum, bum, bum, where did I? This was a woman's first photograph. Who the fuck is she? Here's another, I'm sorry. She looks like she just came out of bed. First photograph. Here, this woman's first photograph. She's just showing her boobs. She doesn't even show her face. So the list goes on, oh, I won't even show that one. Okay, the list goes on, oh wait, there was one. Look at, first photograph, she's in a bathing suit. I'm like, I don't get ladies. And by the way, I get it, the guys with the fish and everything. I know you're annoyed at men, but I like Bumble because I actually can test women's really ability to lean into dialogue. Most of you know how much I love the following meme. I'm gonna read it to you guys. You're gonna hear it over and over and over again. But this is how I test women. This meme says, I hate small talk. I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Every woman writes, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a blessed day? Folks, that's mediocrity to me. Do you know in the movie, the fourth matrix installment, it said ideas are the new sexy. I like talking about ideas. Now I'm just sharing my perspective. So I can't speak for most men because most men operate from an egoic unconscious place, just like most women operate from an egoic unconscious place. I want all of you to operate from a more conscious perspective, not this traditional old narrative, just sitting back in your feminine. Anyway, you know, I feel bumble, I like it. Heather writes, Heather, how are you doing, sweetheart? After COVID, will you continue with this much emphasis on your YouTube channel? Basically how's it working for you? I love this. I love, love, love this. So COVID's been over in my mind a long time ago. So anyway, I hope that answers your question. I wanna thank Patricia for the $50 Super Sticker. Thank you so much for donating to the Connor Esley Scholarship Fund. By the way, we're gonna give about a $500 donation to theinsightseminars.org because of all the donations given. We're gonna be sending that check out hopefully this week. So thank you so much. Question, we just got another $9.99 Super Sticker from Betta G. Thank you so much and we have a question from Sarah. Sarah, been with a guy for eight years and he recently cheated. It was more emotion, not physical. Could he really love me? Will he really change? Hold that thought, Sarah. Hold that thought, hold that thought, hold that thought. Hold that thought, hold that thought, hold that thought, hold that thought, hold that thought. Okay, I had to get this book out. My ex-girlfriend wrote this book. There's a picture of her. Dr. Sherry Myers, ain't she cute? Actually, oops, there she is, ain't she cute? By the way, my signed copy of the book. And I wanna read the acknowledgement. Says to Jonathan Asley, who lovingly encouraged, pushed and unconditionally supported me through every step of the process of writing this book. Thank you for shining your beautiful heartlight, holding down the emotional fort and continually believing in me. You showed me firsthand what it means to live the words, I am here, you matter, we are important. The book is called Chatting or Cheating. How to detect infidelity, rebuild love and a fair proof your relationship. I highly recommend checking out Dr. Sherry's book, Chatting or Cheating. By the way, what I love about this book is the last half of the book is how to build an amazing relationship together. I highly recommend reading this book. That will answer your question. And by the way, the reason why we broke up, I was a dysfunctional mess when I met her. And although she accepted me, we were really designed to be in these, each other's lives to heal one another and not go the distance. And that's okay too. Folks, not everybody comes in your life is meant to be the longterm. In fact, most people come into your life to heal you, to give you an opportunity to heal. And yet sadly, most of you are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness, victim consciousness. I've been hurt by him, I've been hurt by him, I've been hurt by him. By the way, when you've done the personal development self-help spiritual work, when you love on yourself, when you love yourself, I don't care how bad the guy wronged you, you'll never talk about it because the past is prologue. The past is prologue because when you love yourself, you know you were an equal participant. And what I mean by equal participant is your spirit chose this dysfunctional relationship so you could heal on the inside. I know it's hard to believe, but your spirit is constantly choosing everything you don't want so you can learn to stand in your power. So you can be empowered. And this is why it saddens me so much that so many of you women give your power away to men. I don't know if it's just the nurturing side in you or not. I'm your advocate only to say this, get busy living or get busy dying. And the best way to live is to live from an empowered, conscious, empowered way. This is why I recommend my book because it's a journey of personal development self-help spiritual work and I highly recommend all of you to do the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process to heal childhood wounds and traumas, to heal childhood wounds and traumas because many of you are hurting on the inside. And until you heal that hurt, you'll continually choose people to bring you more pain in your life and that's not a way to live. Get busy living or get busy dying. You know what movie that's from. All right. I'm ranting, I'm pontificating. I get it. Ah, wow. We got a lot of comments. Patricia said, I did purchase it. Way to go. Ah, let's see. Let's go. Oh, Lisa, how are you doing, sweetheart? Why the heck don't men answer my questions on Bumble or other apps? I write those great messages you suggest with a compliment. What the heck am I doing wrong? So Lisa, if you're honestly telling me 100 out of a 100 men don't answer, I don't believe you. It could be three out of those 100 might respond, I get it. But the reason why, listen, this device fucked it up. This device fucked it up. Dating now is a, dating through dating apps is a way to self-medicate because as I heard in a podcast last week, we are experiencing what's called an intimacy famine. People are thirsty for connection and at the same time they are scared to death to connect. We are in a ridiculously emotionally dysfunctional world right now and these devices have amplified the dysfunctionality 500 to 1,000 fold. I mean, we are a fucking cluster fuck of this emotional dysfunctionality. This is why I recommend everybody read the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters to get a handle on your emotional maturity because sadly, the dating apps now, it used to be that the, okay, it used to be that the success rate was much greater before we moved to app-based dating, okay? Now it's the broken clock syndrome. It's only gonna be twice accurate twice a day. So really you have a one in 12 chance of getting lucky to even get a date. And then out of that 12, out of that one, you need 12 to just get lucky enough to get a double, a second date. It is a mess out there. So I asked myself, why are my clients experiencing greater success? Why is it? Because their energy field is changed from a victim consciousness to a victor consciousness. And I'm not suggesting you're not being a victor, Lisa, not at all, but it is a dysfunctional way of meeting. That's why, listen, it's time to become a magnetic attractor for what you want. Go where there are men. Remember I said earlier that a client of mine got engaged, do you know where she got engaged? She lives in Alaska. It's a 50 to one ratio, men to women. She was in a environment, target rich environment. Go to target rich environments, going to basket weaving, you ain't gonna meet men. Go to golf courses, go to the hardware store. Start to go to place where men are at because the dating apps are fucked up, I get it. And ask, by the way, I have several friends who have been fixed up by people lately. So ask everybody you know, fix me up, fix me up, fix me up. Start going into your social circles. Now that the world is opening up a bit, get outside and do something. Because now interestingly enough, 50% of all new relationships are gonna, or at least dates are gonna happen through an online connection, that number is gonna be 80%. But the reality is it's a fucked up way and you better be good at prospecting. That's what I teach, check out the link below, is how to pre-qualify your prospect. So I'm sorry to be a downer, but it's also the reality, folks. If anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying to you. It is fucked up. And do you know I know this? Because I'm on all the daps and I see how dysfunctional you women are. And then you complain about the men. It's because human beings are a mess. Most human beings anyway. Lisa, thank you so much, I appreciate that. All right, what else do we have here? Oh, Lisa, thank you for the great photos. I appreciate it. Let's go swim in better. Thank you for the, oh wow, very generous tonight. Good topic, thank you so much. Sylvia writes, how recent are your dating app photos? None of your business, I'm just kidding. All within two to three years, I think. My most recent one is six months. I need to update my photo, so probably. But I haven't changed too much. In fact, no, I'm not gonna say that because that sounds arrogant. Let's go swim in. We got, oh my gosh. Oh, here we go. Heather, $5 Super Sticker, thank you so much. Connor's gonna be so happy. This can be our last one for the evening. Do you think some people are meant to be single, not in a negative way, just that our spirit energy is meant to be more like a traveler? Great question because I've been contemplating this myself. I've been wondering, why have I been ghosted so much lately? Why am I experiencing a lot of female dysfunctionality? And I realize it's because I'm meant to experience what many of you are meant to experience. So in a way, maybe I'm not meant to be in relationship. I've been wondering this for a while. Maybe I'm just a traveler. By the way, I'm gonna do mushrooms this weekend. Woo-hoo, I get to connect with Connor. I'm so excited. I have a shaman, I do it in a ceremony. It's really intense. I mean, really not intense, but very spiritual. There's even a sweat lodge. I mean, there's just some really great experiences when you can go inward. And mushrooms, all it does is, it's a psilocybin, I should say. It's a vehicle to help. It's like using a Ferrari to get to a meditative state instead of a walker. And I know some of you might judge me and you might stop following after hearing me say that. That's okay. You know what, you're on your journey. I'm on my journey. You can judge me all you want. You don't have to follow me if you judge me. But coming back to the question, you know, I think Betty White's husband died when she was in her fifties. Now I don't know if she had any relationships afterwards, but she lived 50 years, balls to the wall, Betty White. I know many people after their husbands passed away or their spouse passed away, they live a full, deep, rich life without anyone in their life. Life's a journey. Every day, if there's one thing I've learned after Connor passing away, is what's most important, at least for me. I can only speak for myself. Is the appreciation that every day is a gift because you could say goodbye to your child one day and not ever see them again. So do your best to make everyday precious. It's not about, you don't sadly hear in the United States, we suck on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about me. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And I'm here to encourage you all to look at that little kid inside of you and hold it dear and tight and tell that little kid from that adult part of you, I'm gonna love you up. And it doesn't matter. We don't need someone to love us so we can feel good about ourselves. We feel good about ourselves. And when we feel good about ourselves, we become a magnetic attractor for all the good that we want in our life. And if we put out more good, we attract more good. If we can pay it forward, if we can pay it forward, we will receive an abundance, a variety of different good in our life. So I make an invitation for every one of you today, right here, right now, if you're watching right now, will you make me, will you at least try to do the following? In the next five days, will you do something to pay it forward to somebody else? I don't care what little thing it is. I once was driving through a coffee, a Starbucks and I went to go pay for mine and the car in front of me paid for my Starbucks. I want, I would invite you all to do a random act of kindness so they don't even know that you did it because that paying forward becomes a magnetic attractor for more abundance in your life and that abundance can be so many things you can't even begin to count. And maybe that special guy will hear that call in some way because you've paid it forward in a small act of kindness. And that's my invitation. I know many of you did that through the super sticker, super chat but I want you to go out in the world right now. Will you do that? Write down in that post, Jonathan, I will do something in the next five days to pay it forward. Just do that for me. If you appreciate what I've shared today, if you honor my work, that would, if you would honor my work in that way that would bring me so much joy and happiness. Can you do that? Thank you. You know what? Doing this brings me a lot of joy. I love doing this. I'm gonna keep doing as many broadcasts as I can. I love doing this to connect with you all. I am so grateful for the love and support. So many of you have done so many beautiful kind things to me, so many gifts, so many letters, so many emails. I cannot tell you how grateful I am. And this brings me so much joy if I can make a difference in your life. And just like those women that shared with me, their marriages and their engagements. I mean, it's not about that. It's about just being of service. And I'm grateful that I can be of service to you. So I see already Kelly says going to pay it forward and pray it forward, there you go. Just donated to the Ethiopian refugees. Yes, I will do something to pay it forward. Do a random act of kindness, something where they don't even know you did it. That's my invitation for you. Lisa says, I'm praying for the Ukraine. Oh, I love it. Let's keep this train going. Let's keep this train going. All right. Just as a reminder, those five common chasing mistakes women make, and I want you to do this instead. Stop giving your power away to men. Stop trying to change a man and or accept not accepting them for who he is. Don't create drama in the relationship. Don't try to tie him down and stop falling in love with the idea of him. If you find value in my work, please hit that thumbs up button. If you could share this video, I'd be truly be grateful. If you could spread the word and if you'd like to follow me, follow me on Instagram, check out my website, join my mailing list, check out my podcast called the What Would Love to? podcast. If you want to connect with me but can't afford coaching, check out the link to my Midlife Love Mastery Group. And lastly, if you're ready to change your love life and pre-qualify your prospect, check out the link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Lisa and Todd. We got a guy in the house, Kay and Colleen. And Cass and Karma and Lucia. I can't pronounce it. Tracy, Yvette, stay well and strong. Sandra, Colleen, Jennifer, Kelly's in the house. Sherry, Danielle, Jim, Judy, Miss Carol, Cass, Trudy, Linda. Everyone, thank you so much. Have a fabulous day. Bye bye now. Christina says, have a good trip. I love it. Thank you. Bye everyone.