 Good morning, this is morning voice Keith Keller I am a registered nurse working in the field of recovery. I am in long-term recovery myself over 30 years and I Am delighted to be here this morning with Michael Hello To Michael's audience very nice to connect with you. Let's go. I'm on a journey to discover the truth Living life in recovery is lovely. You got the power in you surround yourself a positive energy judges hitting people with provocative Penalties need to make a change Advocate to change the laws to people that it's not insane when you stand behind the cause I'm here to speak about the pain recovered loud to normalize the disease That's been killing all my friends and my family the time is now to let it all go and recover loud The benefit is healthy people family and friends that never have to overdose ever again Never have to plead out to a lesser offense. I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again Controlling my own destiny. I needed recovery. I still need it desperately Addiction never define my It's on my own story. I recover proud safer life for like 40 I recover bad. Yeah, I recover bad. I recover bad. Yeah Welcome to this episode of recover loud. I'm your host Mike Paddleford and I recover loud My guest today is Keith Keller author of the infinite recovery handbook Keith welcome it's been great to meet you at this conference this week and Yesterday you were a presenter Can you tell us a little bit about what you're doing when you're going out and speaking to the public? What kind of message are you bring when I connect with an audience? I want to tailor My conversation and it's best to have a conversation rather than just talk at people certainly To I take into consideration what what the audience? Might be what they their expectations might be I I find myself Speaking at the occasional AA meeting so I want to give an AA Appropriate talk sometimes I talk to a civic group And want to stay relevant to the concerns of people who are affected indirectly by addiction and recovery so Yeah, try and focus on the needs of a particular yeah, and I mean one thing we learn is we never know what it is We can say that's going to connect with somebody very we can we can prepare we can plan But sometimes it's it's what we don't think about it's always a surprise makes that connection So, you know on recover loud we like to share, you know our personal stories of You know the struggles and how we got to our Recovery and what that looks like today you've written the book the infinite recovery handbook And I got to read you know quite a bit of it last night and honestly as I was mentioning You know I had to skip through so I got a better idea of the the whole book, but I'm It grabbed me, and I can't wait to get back to some of the sections. Thank you. Thank you for that It's kind of challenging to write a book for I want to reach a broad audience So certainly people in recovery and you know, so I don't want to make it too Highfalutin and and but there's a lot of information That people benefit from so that that's the challenge And I also know that people like like the academics here at the conference or else are going to be looking at it So, you know, it keeps me on my toes. Certainly. I have been so I would go out and identify myself As depending where I am. I'm in long-term recovery from alcohol use disorder and poly substance use disorder If I'm at a 12-step meeting. Hi, I'm Keith. I'm an alcoholic just real simple old-school But the language now, you know, there's kind of a couple of different approaches people want to take and the people that are Not directly affected are very concerned about how They they, you know, and we do know that words are very powerful So, you know, we want to just sort of keep everybody comfortable When we can but yeah, I'm old school. I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step. I call that the traditional model because it's been there and and they observe Traditions which are important. Maybe something will touch on further down in the conversation So I was just oddly fascinated with alcohol and the consumption of alcohol and there was definitely something unusual And abnormal about my drinking from a very early age. Yeah, give me some beer Right, and at what age did you start first asking for that sip of beer? Oh five four five? Yeah And was it normal in your household for for them to be drinking alcohol and for them to allow you well As I got a little older, so my father was born in Europe and You know, so so my parents divorced and on you know, it'd be Sunday evening dinner at my dad's There'd be a glass of wine and pretty soon. Can I have another one and That's that's kind of how it went and that was the sort of part of the iceberg that showed because pretty quickly I started, you know, I guess it around age 13 I caught the perfect buzz and I spent about The next two decades trying to recreate that and of course it never quite works out the same So I grew I grew up got interested in music and My my alcohol and recreational drug consumption and use certainly became, you know part of that all What was that doing for you? I mean because people can go out and play music and do these things without using but what was it? You're kidding. Oh, I guess it was the search for the ultimate note. I Got interested in drums. I'll blame that on Ringo going back to you know a long time ago but It just looked like a lot of fun so I took some lessons and got kind of good at an early age and on a You know at the tender age of 15 on a school night I might be out playing in bars Getting paid in drinks and I thought oh, this is wonderful. This is where I want to do down on The area of Massachusetts north of Boston Oh, there's quite a you know happening music scene between there, you know and down to Boston some of the more famous bands of like like the band Boston and and others came out of that whole fertile Musical area, so I you know it was sort of you know down in the trenches right in that But certainly aspiring to do that, you know, you don't see You know those opportunities pop up for a lot of people So you must have been doing well at playing the drums the band must have been well Yeah, I mean, but you know it threw throughout high school. I found myself in bands because I was I guess somewhat confident I'll go with that and and so with older musicians of course who you know could buy alcohol had had other things to sample and and so You know, I was in fast company from an early age I somehow got into the Berkeley College of Music, which is out of a yeah No, that was an amazing opportunity that I squandered along with many others So you started to attend how long did you stay there stayed there a year and then Ran out of money wasn't you know getting a lot of support for my aspirations in music and I went on the road With a guy since made amends to Yeah, he's actually kind of popular again His music is on the Amazon commercial with the elderly couple dancing. I have eyes for you Yeah, Terry Johnson had a traveling band So I got to yeah go up and sample that and that was another opportunity that I you know drank myself self out of I doubt if he'll see this but Terry I Ment the immense if you're you see this well, I hope he does You know the show is growing and reaching one more across the country. Yeah, you're doing something wonderful here I'm really thank you. Yeah, we got the opportunity just real quick. Welcome. Those of you in just outside St. Louis, Missouri We're now watching the show You know and you know it's stories like yours and and people's and other people Who really give the show the valley? So I appreciate you coming A little known fact Berkeley School of Music was one of my aspirations. I was a trumpet player in high school Did pretty well and We had done a jazz band competition I believe it was my sophomore year in high school and When I got there and I saw the musicians and the things that they were doing I was just amazed and I said this is this is my path and I never made it You know it's a big competitive world and I I was you know sort of in my high school and Community I was kind of the big fish and you get to Berkeley and your mediocre if not below that it is a world-class stage and Glad glad they're training that you know the best musicians because now I just enjoy music. I stopped playing the drums about 10-12 years ago, so you don't play at all. They're all packed up downstairs. I can't say never but I think Writing kind of supplanted that became my creative outlet So you started writing your book In what year? This is my second book. Yes, and So I started this one in 2017 I was actually pitching to a publisher. I wanted to do sort of a rewrite on my first one Which came out in 2014 and what was the name of the first book first one was called sustainable recovery So I'm kind of been you know, you know rebranding and and yeah retooling a little bit but also kind of also very much Moving forward and progressing in my my ideas about recovery as well Yeah, and we talked a little bit about that before we started how you know, it's a journey Okay, my definition of recovery is the journey through the process of change. That's kind of create a better tomorrow Very nice. It has nothing to do my my definition has nothing to do with substances If quitting a substance is the goal of your journey, you know great But that doesn't have to be the end result of recovery and when we get there It's not over, you know, we're constantly evolving personally spiritually professionally even you know taking us in directions we never imagined we'd go So when you started writing the books, what would what was your goal? What was the message you were trying to put out there? Ah Wow, okay, so the with the first one. I was following a very basic self-help book formula, which is sort of my story then My ideas about recovery and then part three would be how my ideas can benefit other people So I was one who you know now 30 years ago when I entered recovery the traditional model a and the 12 steps were pretty much the only show in town. Yeah, and I Jumped in with you know both feet as they say did the work That's you know that that's something I would suggest to anybody do the work But you know as a registered nurse, you know, I you ask any registered nurse about that and they'll say well We want to work smart. It's not that we're afraid of hard work, but let's let's work smart Let's do this right. Let's do this, you know the most efficient organized way And this was you know sort of my ideas about recovery and also very early on You know having worked in numerous areas of nursing, but especially in Substance use disorder rehab and detoxing Saw that there was a real need for more Ideas and to encompass all forms of addiction all pathways to recovery You know before that became what everybody wants, you know more or less I think in the last five years that's come a long way, but I was ten years ago kind of you know very much moving in in this direction, so I Have done some other things aside from nursing. I've studied alternative and energy healing modalities And then ten years ago got into a kind of a very structured personal development science-based Meditation is very central to this and it is sort of a way to Hmm imagine the possibilities And and create What you know, what do I want to do in recovery? Well, I want to step into my best potential I want to you know, and I literally went from a guy who had always thought maybe someday I'll write a book To a guy who writes books Which you know, it's it's kind of a leap and you just have to kind of Create in your mind that the feeling of how that's going to be and the details The what's going to happen the when's it going to come along who's going to facilitate or help me with that or what's you know, that Stuff happens you set the goal and you start moving toward it And a lot of times we stop when we have all those questions because we don't have those answers afraid to move forward So all right, so so very simply I think That we are in one of two states Which is the kind of we're at basic survival level or we are in kind of a creative creation state Obviously if I'm struggling with an addiction I'm pretty close to survival level. I'm really just trying to make it through the day feed my addiction and Maybe I'm you know my particular version of that was I was stuck in a repeating cycle of Struggle through the day Attain or obtain, you know, whatever use my substance of choice Modify my state to the point of oblivion check out and repeat right over and over and and is that Life and does that keep working? No, obviously, you know, and there's a lot a lot of Details in how you know, I develop tolerance become dependent on you know that substance and it stops working Long before we realize it does so I am at this very baseline Place where I'm just struggling to survive now creation, of course Is as we sort of enter recovery get our feet underneath us and start to Learn how to you know, all the things maybe that we didn't learn earlier in life repairing the damage the baggage clearing up the wreckage And we start to move forward and think about What is possible? What do I want to do? What's what you know? What what does it mean to be in recovery to overcome this thing thing of addiction so learning? Building things In your life doing podcasts and TV shows Writing books. These are all the possibilities that all of us are capable of and see you know back when I was using I Used to call myself a functioning addict. I was trying to raise my three kids I did in the beginning still have dreams and goals. I didn't know how to attain them, but I was trying You know, I would get a job and lose it in a month You know, I would start doing well and it would blow up, you know So nothing was sustainable then, you know, I had the drive. I had the ambition You know, one of the reasons I I started, you know, my addiction got really bad was in the beginning I was getting this medication and I was selling it and I was my first addiction was money and power I was able to provide my kids with the stuff that they wanted and the stuff that I didn't have growing up, you know We had family members that lived, you know, just outside of Boston Peabody Lynn And I grew up in Webster Mass And my aunts and uncles lived at the lake, you know, we lived in an apartment building And I always wanted to be like the other side, you know So now now once I got to be an adult and my kids at first, you know Scraping by I became a store manager and I was doing well and then I got hurt So the idea of being on disability the rest of my life having a fixed income Losing out on all of those opportunities, you know that I wanted to get my kids I found that I could still do that if I was breaking the law selling my medication Go do what we have to do and this is the survival level motivation Yeah, and you know, it was it really drove me and I and I thought I was doing well by them Later on of course once the You know, I started doing a little bit. I got more and more. I could sell less. I wasn't making the money I started spending money had to find ways to get it started selling everything. I own Law lost it all less sustainable. Yeah, you know And then today when I when I asked the kids about that that well-watching trip that we took we got all the great pictures They know that I sold drugs to do that That the time we went to the theme park, they know that every time I went to the bathroom I was in there getting high So all those memories even though I was doing it for the right reasons. I thought turned out to be you know Traumatizing and detrimental to their growth now because everything they saw is good is tainted So today, you know being present and being able to do these things with my kids all my kids are adults now But I'm able to be there for you know my son You know, he's a marine in North Carolina. He's he's married doing well. He just went back to Japan for another five months but he calls me and He calls me dad and he tells me what he's going through and you know, I get to be there for your insight into that is certainly Validating of the work you've done in recovery and that that is you know a higher level of recovery to come to understand That even though superficially that those experiences seemed okay Now you know the the true substance of what was was going on impact it had on others And obviously you've gotten right with that. That's that's as good as it gets Yeah, and you know those are those gifts of recovery that we're all working towards And for people who who haven't gotten that yet people who are still fighting DHHS for custody of their children things like that Sometimes that pile seems insurmountable But I I promise them all the time if you keep doing the work on yourself It doesn't matter that pile is gonna get smaller without you even picking things well It is a process and we got so stuck in that survival mode where we're thinking about the Things and we're just really focused on what's going on in the environment what issues When can I resolve them back that kind of thing? And if we can just kind of move a little bit out of that and start you know functioning from the level of Observing our reality the way somebody else would then we can start to you know Make our best decisions call in the resources and open ourselves up to the possibility that It's gonna work out because because it it always does but but it's fear. It's Concern about you know the things that we're lacking Worrying about the judgment of others we get locked down in these things and just well Based on our past experience, you know, we know that the person we were could try this and it would end in failure We don't know the person we are today Has the potential to do it? Yeah, but but we always did and that's the thing and it's how how can we connect to that possibility? So there's a couple of things that that I suggest to people and I you know, I've Learned a lot of lessons from my work in the traditional model of recovery and I realized that while I might not need to go To a meeting every day. I do need a community of like-minded people With the same goals and objectives who will support me unconditionally and you know There are many forms of community Being at a conference is a form of community our online our Social media type stuff that that's also a form of community Mentoring or sponsorship certainly I've had the same Friend for over 30 years I've known him for that long. He's been my official. Did you know prior to no Medimentary recovery. So if you don't mind talking about that for a minute Right now. I am the living house manager for a Program where I have three guys living there early recovery. They're all trying to get through and you know turn their lives around and As of right now all three of them are just about at the third day mark one of them to 45 days sober And one of the things they're they're looking to do is to find a mentor either a sponsor or recovery coach And you know at that stage of their of their growth, they don't really know who to ask how to go about finding somebody That's a challenge. Can you suggest? You know something that they could do to choose the right sponsor. Well, obviously it bear in mind that The right person is not going to come knock on their door They're gonna have to go out and sample what's out there So obviously meetings are a good place to to do that or other types of organizations Where they can observe people? Online it's not Yeah, it's a little bit different. It's not quite as real when you get a sense of how somebody Speaks carries themselves and the content of what they they talk about their values their experiences That's you know, and and it's you know The the first sponsor that I had was not the sponsor that I was going to move forward in life But but he was you know fine for the first couple of years. So there aren't people who are dedicated to this work Certainly a lot more than I am and very good at it But perhaps not not exactly the guy who's like, yeah, I'll be everybody's temporary sponsor And maybe not so much but yeah I would suggest to people that they kind of get out and see see who's out there Who and when when you hear people speak like you you said, you know finding like-minded people doing the same thing with the same kind of Goals, you know, I was lucky enough my very first sponsor Was you know was business-minded a very much like-minded he works in recovery He's trying to help people and I knew from the moment, you know I first heard him that this is the guy I want to to You know to help guy let's you know that we have a little brain in the middle of our stomach That knows these things and and if we can listen to it and then yeah, we can make good decisions usually Accountability and a willingness to make yourself accountable to someone and follow guidance, which isn't always comfortable honesty is certainly Important in that relationship, and that's what it is. It's a relationship Then learning about recovery learning about addiction The traditional model knows a lot. There's a lot of wisdom in the big book the other literature of AA and then there's Unlimited stuff available to us now through the through the internet and many fine independent authors You know and finding The things that resonate with you We certainly benefit from having a belief system whether that's a belief in a power greater than than myself religious God or Creative intelligence of the universe, which is kind of my go-to there. There's you know, there is something going on There is like literally You know gallons of blood Pumping through miles of blood vessels in my body my heart will be three trillion times in my life Thousands of chemical reactions go on every second of my body. I'm not doing that Something is and you know, it's it's sometimes it's hard for people to warm up to the concept of of that But there are many many different versions of that people just have to kind of find their own place with that Service that's the other piece. You know you're doing it right now We're here at a conference 30 years in you're still doing it yourself you know so We talked a little bit about you know, what you when you're presenting and speaking to the public What are some of the other things you're doing today to connect with people you have an online presence as well? I do well I you know, I pay the bills as a registered nurse working in the field of addiction In the last couple years I have worked in a medical office where we had we have a there was I no longer there there is a grade program where they do medications for addiction treatment and That is a whole piece of you know, what's going on out there right now. There is a lot of Dedication in the healthcare system There's still you know, still a lot of glitches a lot of stigma just the way there isn't you know the wider culture But you know, there are a lot of people very dedicated to Helping people with substance use disorders and I'm very appreciative of people like we're we're seeing here at the conference You know who just spend their time looking at brain scans or Compiling statistics and somebody has to do that. So I'm glad that there there are people who are dedicated to that so working in you know in the mental health field also in the last year community mental health and Shortly, I'll be going to work in a patient detox so helping people directly I have a is that here in New Hampshire that is just over the line down in Massachusetts where I was actually right in my own community So I'm kind of excited about that opportunity I'm usually Active when when the opportunity presents in a various local Organizations expect to be speaking right at the town library sometime in the next month or two. I am As he said the online presence. I have a free online support community and I don't know if you're gonna link things up But that's you can find that through my website infinite recovery dot org So on Facebook, we have a thousand people with all different forms of addiction many pathways to recovery from about 12 countries Who then this is a little unique for Facebook and didn't happen randomly, okay? They're very respectful supportive of one another engage very very nicely I think you popped in a couple of times and thank you for for your posts and contributions to that I have some real rock stars who are like the content machines. It's it's become easy, but There's there's hundreds of people Active every month. I look at the statistics. So so I know that that we are you know helping and supporting It's available on Amazon and select bookstores at least here in the Northeast Let's go. I'm on a journey to discover the truth living life and recovery is lovely You got the power in you surround yourself a positive energy judges hitting people with provocative penalties Need to make a change Advocate to change the laws the people that it's not insane when you stand behind a cause I'm here to speak about the pain recovered loud to normalize the disease