 I got a live lizard y'all and went back. We had the the dead one still over here I know I'm a terrible person. I don't ever sweep up this. See that's a dead one. He dead But then we got this this dude. Oh look look look there you go. There you go See you little dude. Hello everybody here. Welcome back to another book review today. We are talking about another Chad Lutzky book Wallflower Why this one hit all? The check all the boxes for me Unfortunately, I did have a few moments when I was reading it that were a little too much for me And I had to put the book down and walk away from it. I'll tell you why in a second Otherwise it would have been a one sitting read the way Chad writes it. It's very quick very punchy Some he's up there with some of the best noir writers Is better than most honestly this isn't a thriller But he's better than most thriller authors working today. The the word choice is damn near perfect And he's just a new favorite author of mine this Personally speaking is my favorite one of his books because I connected emotionally With the main character and his struggle now for a bit of story time Back in 1997. I was I'd already dropped out of high school I was doing a lot of odd jobs and whatnot and I came across a Person that had heroin I don't want to get into too much detail as far as the what I what I went through to you know How we you know booted up for the first time tied off whatever I don't want to go into too much detail with that stuff But from 1997 I worked odd jobs like carpeting Installing carpet actually I wasn't the one installing carpet. I was pretty much just a runner I went and got this got that got this and we would do jobs and then afterwards we would get high and that went on for The longest time until finally that dude died. He passed. It wasn't even a drug overdose It was a heart attack that dude died and have a job anymore, but I did have a nice little heroin addiction So fast forward Many many years. I did some of my best writing during that time Which I hate to say but it's true and some people even say that Stephen King as soon as he stopped doing drugs The fiction got bad. I Think that's funny, but I also think it's you know, I think I think there's something to be said about the completely different writing styles between King as a an addict King as a clean and sober individual. I think there's something to be said there I will tell you one thing is a couple things that make it so much easier to put words down on paper That's caffeine pretty much every writer knows that there's cigarettes nicotine really boost the Imagination for some odd reason and heroin is pretty good too as long as you can stay awake I would write whole sections that I wouldn't remember those early days Unfortunately, it's gonna sound weird that I say unfortunately, but those are some of my fondest memories of being high now The other fond memories that I have are stronger in association to to heroin and that's what keeps me away from the junk Now am I still on you know a narcotic? Yeah, I'm on narcotic pain medicine, but I'm not taking enough to nod off I'm not getting high none of that stuff. So do I still have an addiction? Yes I still have an addiction. Do I still use technically? Yes, I still use But I'm a functional addict Where this goes is not into the area of functionality there's a that there's a very very bleak and upsetting tone to this book that I understand because it was the same The same road I was going down I don't want to ask but but I mean I got to and I publicly if you want if you don't want to talk publicly chat, I I understand but Did you I just got to know did you were you that that that's the question because some of the details in here are Far too accurate. And of course you can ask people these details and you know, you can get you can get that kind of Information, but I think this has a personal ring to it. I remember Quentin Tarantino Actually was John Travolta talking about Quentin Tarantino telling him What being on heroin was like for his role in Pulp Fiction and he said it was like Downing a fifth of tequila and then going and floating on a pool and that's pretty pretty close I still don't think it comes anywhere near the actual effect of heroin, but that's pretty close The closest I get to that kind of thing nowadays. It's after surgery when they give me dilated boy That shit brings back memories, but This yeah, I mean, I knew right off the bat that this wasn't going to be a full review I did want to do a video on the channel promoting this book But I also wanted to give you guys a little more insight into why this one was my personal favorite Now there's something also to be said about triggers Are they good? Are they bad or whatever? Do we overcome them? Do we fight do we push do we conquer or do we let those feelings? Overload us. Do we let those feelings win overpower us and bully us around? Should we have trigger warnings on our fiction? I would love to talk about that stuff down there in the comments below But until next time I have any you have in you spend another book review. I'll talk to you guys there. Bye. Bye. I Cannot express Difficult that was to shoot. I don't know if it came out that way. This is I'm shooting this after the outro section Right right after shooting it. I don't know if it came out it came across as difficult as it was to say But yeah, it was it was hard to talk about. I've told people about my my past and my history before I haven't gone into a whole lot of detail, you know, but from 1997 to 2001 I was strung out and I was strung out until I met my wife I didn't talk about this section enough in the video in fact anything you go into this but the the positive Memories that I have that that overwhelm the the positive memories of heroin and that it's terrible to say I know it is but I really enjoyed that drug My wife and my kids are the whole reason why I am no longer that way My wife especially we met in 2001 and it wasn't a matter. She didn't give me an ultimatum It was a matter of she's not going to put up with that kind of thing because her well She had some issues in her own family She I knew if she found out she wasn't going to put up with that type of shit We met on the internet so we we were talking for a long time Before we actually met each other, you know, we lived like 30 minutes away from each other It there was a long process going up to us meeting and I talked to her a lot And talking to her about her dealing with the the attic in her family And I'm sitting over here going what the hell am I gonna do about these track marks? What the hell am I gonna do about you know this that or the other my my speaker turning off? What am I gonna do, you know And I really loved and cared about this person even before I met her And I knew I just some just some discussions and some of the things that we talked about it really it it felt Like an adequate Replacement it felt like a better high than the drugs if that makes sense But uh, yeah, I think I've gone on too far and too long Chad if you're still watching this man, sorry I hijacked your review with a with a with a personal story But I didn't want to just keep on repeating the same thing about how awesome you are Definitely my favorite book of yours. I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye