 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the eight things Couples do to ensure great sex eight things couples do to ensure great sex Really quickly. These are my weekend videos that I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called midlife love mastery check out the link below to my VIP group This is where I shoot videos each week three videos each week based on the questions you ask So if you join the group post a question, I'll shoot a video for you And also once a month we do a webinar where you can talk to me live All right, we're gonna jump into those eight things couples do to ensure great sex So this video was birthed out of conversations. I've had with two different couples over the last year both of them are Personal friends of mine. One is a couple who has been married. I believe they're going on 56 57 years They're in their 80s and another couple is a couple who met in their late or their mid 50s Been together about three years and I asked them a question about sex in their relationship And again, these are people who are personal friends. I I felt that they would be open to share because they wanted to give me some general good solid feedback and advice and What was interesting is they seem to share the same thing so even a so a couple that oh and by the way each of them a Claim the couple that's been married 50 plus years claimed They have sex at least once a week and they've been consistent at that for over 50 years Except for when there's been medical conditions and things like that and it actually they have sex They were having sex more like two three four times a week And five or ten times a week back when they first got married and the couple that's been together for the last three years That met in their 50s. They have consistent regular sex at least a minimum of twice a week So I thought what's the common thread between this? What's the common bond and what's interesting is it follows some of the same patterns that John Gottman talks about John and Julie Gottman talk about in the Gottman Institute and you know if you've been following my work I always refer to the book eight dates by dr. John got John and Julie Gottman. All right, so What let's start with number one and by the way, I'm gonna put on my glasses because I took notes And the first one thing is that they say I love you every day. I love you every day and they mean it They say I love you every day and I mean it Those are the three three powerful words and as a coach, I've kind of adopted my own or I mean I've adopted this for my own personal life But I've adopted the idea that I love you means I'm here You matter We're important I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. That's what I love you means to me Speaking of which I've got your back You can see this little picture of a stick person without a back and this person's holding the back Really quickly this is my coffee cup for today Says coffee tastes better when shared absolutely especially sex that's better when it's shared, you know, it's interesting when I began Preparing for this video. I thought to myself I I needed to ask advice from others because I'll be candid with you I haven't had a significant relationship where there was a great sex life And partially because I didn't practice what I now have since learned So I'm going to be very candid and open. This is something very new to me as well So I'm sharing this because this is what I want to adopt in my next relationship And I want you to do the same in your next relationship. So number two They kiss passionately for no particular reason. They kiss passionately for no particular reason, you know It's like it's funny. I'm watching a movie the other day and the the girl The woman reaches up to her boyfriend and just plants a deep passionate kiss out of nowhere And I'm watching that I'm like I want that And certainly from a woman's perspective, it's the same when a guy does it I mean, this isn't singular to a gender. This is something boats should be initiating both initiating that passionate kiss out of nowhere Okay, number three Ah, I like this one. They cuddle they cuddle together In fact, both these couples I know personally and I watch them together. They just cuddle on each other They they're friendly with each other. I'm sure that they they spoon each other in bed That's a sign that you're going to have great sex with your partner and that perpetuates that great sex I know many of you are frustrating confused in the dating world And I know it's because a lot of people are seeking what's called Stable ambiguity and this is what ester perell talks about in her book mating and captivity And it's couples that are just basically seeking companionship connection and sex Without anything deeper and that's what I want you to explore something deeper because the ambiguous piece is that commitment that Commitment to the relationship and what couples great couples have is a commitment to everything I'm sharing here Okay so number four They give romantic gifts to one another they're they're cut whether it's you know, whether it's a little love note in the morning That's a gift even though it's words. It's a gift Um, certainly a little tiny gifts throughout throughout their week their their month their year just little things To keep that attention affection and appreciation going I just spit by the way Number four or five They're affectionate in public. Oh, I love this one. In fact, both these couples. I know them They're very affectionate to each other out in public or at least within the circle of friends I just think that's a sign. You're going to have great sex You know, many of you who are watching this are single And you're probably frustrated You wouldn't be watching these videos if If you're in a great relationship and I just want to remind you to have a great relationship with yourself as well This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book. What the heck is self love anyway by jonathan asley There's a link below to check out this book If you've ordered already, please let me know I'm so grateful for so many of you and by the way What I really appreciate is many of you are buying these books for men. Thank you so much from the bottom line art Okay Oh Another thing couples do to ensure great sex is they have a weekly date night They have a regular date night and you know, even in a pandemic they find ways to have a date with each other And they they they put their work aside. They put their business aside and they actually make time for this For just connecting at a loving friendship way Make that date night. Oh The seventh one they make sex a priority. It's actually something more conscious than just something spontaneous I know with the couple that's been married for 50 plus years They said them they've shared with me saturday was their love day saturday was their love day They would literally devote half a day to being in bed and making love I mean, that's a conscious thing. That's a that takes a level of intentionality We we have to stop expecting this, you know Men are chivalrous and they're leaders in the relationship and they just know what they want And they're just going to be these great perfect guys. They're going to be the prince charming guys are rather clueless This is why I'm such a big proponent that you are in charge of your relationship destiny And on some level It takes it. It takes a conversation. All I'm suggesting here is have a conversation around this stuff Because if you want to have a healthy juicy delicious relationship, then it requires being an intentional instead of Expectational that's the big issue today. Most everybody just has an expectation that people show up perfect Here's the thing we're like a clay you can mold people you can mold a relationship It's definitely doable because the Eighth and most important thing And this is really what I want to emphasize today it relates to the coffee mug It relates to this is that they remain friends. They're friends with each other friends like each other friends like spending Time with each other friends feel safe to be vulnerable with one another And that's one of the keys to ensuring great sex is you have a healthy friendship from the heart It's because you like the other person and not because you're attached I'm trying to think of attached to the other person You're bonded to another person that you really don't like So fascinating. I've interviewed hundreds of women who have had relationships end Lord the boyfriend broke up and I said were you guys friends? They go not really and I'm like and you're lamenting over this relationship. I've lamented over losing a friend I don't lament over losing someone that was just companionship connection and sex And that's my invitation for you is to lean into A deeper way of looking at love and relationships and I hope this video has helped I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you have any questions, please post I do my best to read them as always I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a pillow or even a teddy bear And give it a hug of love because hugs are great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch and wishing you a fabulous weekend and don't forget to join my group midlife love mastery. Bye. Bye now