 This might be hard for some of you to hear. And yet the reality is, is most humans have terrible relationship skills. And when I say most humans, I mean you who's watching this. I know most people think that they have excellent communication skills, men and women alike. And yet the reality is, most human beings have terrible relationship skills, terrible communication skills, and terrible emotional maturity. But we'll get into that in a second. So why am I bringing this up? It's because women oftentimes have a very hard time expressing themselves to men in relationships. And it's kind of contrary to the way they think they operate. And please forgive me when I say it, the way you think you operate, because so many of you think that just because you can vomit your feeling with your girlfriends, I know you might get offended by the fact that I said vomit your feelings. But what I mean is express your feelings to your girlfriends. Many of you oftentimes go silent in relationship for fear of scaring a guy away. And this is one of the reasons why so many women have challenges in relationships because they're not really that skilled at expressing themselves to men. And we already know that men are terrible expressing their feelings to women. You've been taught that men have been told to stuff their emotions, to stuff their feelings since they were young boys. And so it blows me away how many of you act so surprised when men have terrible communication skills and you continually say the most important thing in relationship is communication, communication, communication. And yet you're equally bad at the process. But let's talk about why that is the case. Why is it that so many humans have weak relationship skills, weak emotional maturity and weak communication skills? Well, it's gonna be, it's partially because many humans, especially at midlife and midlife is after baby making years and before retirement. So for those of you that are 42 to 69, my primary audience that I speak to, many of you have suffered childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed in your life that makes it that you have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life. And it's kind of fascinating for me to witness humans who honestly think that they're good at this shit. Myself included, I look at myself in the mirror all the time and there's more layers to improve each time. But what are some of the blocks to love that cause men and women to have poor relationship skills and poor communication? Well, number one is fear. And again, that fear oftentimes stems from a childhood wound and trauma or an adult trauma like divorce, job loss, health issues. This is for us adults. And so this is why I continually recommend reading the book The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas so you don't, so you can actually operate in a more present way in relationship instead of the superficial communication that happens in relationship. How was your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. How was golf today? How was the gym today? How was your yoga class today? How was Pilates today? And most people just vomit out a bunch of words without really expressing what's going on inside the heart. So what I'm gonna share today, the six ways to tell a man what you need is actually something I'm gonna be candid with you. I was surfing YouTube. I came across a contemporary of mine, Matt Boggs. He had a video. I thought, you know what? What he shared is very similar to what I shared and why reinvent the wheel. So of the six things I'm about to share for them are his and to her mind. So without further ado, we're gonna talk about how you can, how you can tell a man what you need. And number one, I've been saying the following for years is start a sentence with, I need your help. I need your help. You know, and it can be for anything. It's not about needing help in doing like physical labor. I need you to take out the trash or can you open a jar of peanut butter kind of thing? You know, to make them feel mask. I'm not talking about that kind of help. You can actually start this in the way is I need your help. I'm feeling insecure in this relationship because in the beginning, you began communicating with me on a regular basis and it's dropped off. And I'm actually feeling a bit insecure in this relationship because of that. And I'd like your help on curing that. I'd like your help on healing that. Now that's a very vulnerable thing to put out there to say you're insecure. But Jonathan, all the other dating coaches tell me to be confident because confidence turns on a man. Folks, let me tell you something. True connectivity of the heart, truly connecting at a heart-centered level is actually being vulnerable with another human being. If you're not familiar with the work of Brene Brown, please Google her, read her book, Daring Greatly, watch her videos, but she says, vulnerability is the essence of courage. So I invite you to lean into asking the question, I need your help to solve a problem about you, but that's making me insecure. Now I'm laughing a little bit because it might sound funny. And yet if you're with a guy or you're with somebody that genuinely cares about you, it's gonna be okay. If you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. Chapter one, speak your truth. Just do it from a kind place. And chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So if you express a vulnerability, it's okay when you're with the right person. It's not gonna work with the wrong person, but guess what? You don't wanna spend time with the wrong person. I need your help. Can I ask you a favor? Things like that. Okay, number two, three, and four are kind of the same thing. First, you want to acknowledge something a guy did. Acknowledge something he did. That's the first thing. So let's think of something he might have done. You know, he, you might have said, you know, you might acknowledge the beginning of the relationship. I really appreciate it in the beginning of the relationship how attentive you were. I really appreciate how attentive you were in the beginning of the relationship. So acknowledge that. What you want to avoid next is the dreaded but. B-U-T, not B-U-T-T, because we all like nice buts and I cannot lie. And the other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with itty-bitty wasting a round thing. Okay, I got off on the tangent. You don't wanna say, you acknowledge something good. You don't wanna say but because that negates everything you just said. So acknowledge. And the next thing, number three, you wanna use that and statement, A-N-D, A-N-D. And you wanna acknowledge that. You said you acknowledge that he did something really good in the beginning, but you've noticed a shift. And I've noticed a shift lately. And in that shift, I find myself feeling less safe in the relationship. I feel less safe in the relationship. So now you're expressing something that, he might be able to work on and fix. Again, it's a vulnerable thing, but safety in a relationship is hugely important. Trust is hugely important, especially if this guy gets to have sex with you on a relationship, especially if the penis gets to go inside the vagina, you have every right to speak up. This narrative of just sitting in your feminine energy and just hoping that magic fairy dust will get that perfect guy to claim you is absolute fucking bullshit. It does, okay, it's like the broken clock. It happens twice a day, okay? Yes, there are men who are emotionally mature, who have good relationship skills, who genuinely wanna be in a relationship. I call these guys, if you're not familiar with my three types of people actively dating, excuse me, the users, the spenders and the growers. 20% are users, 60% will waste your time. They're just time wasters, and then 20% growers. And I'm being generous when I say 20% are growers. And by the way, this is men and women alike. So you're all hoping to get that small percentage of people, but you're terrible at vetting these type of men. By the way, if you need some help with that, check out the link to a discovery call because that's my area of expertise to teach you what questions to ask a guy in the early stages of dating to determine if he's worth your time. So when you say, so why I'm bringing this up is you can be vulnerable with the right guy. So you say, you acknowledge something about him, you say, and, and then you express what's going on in a vulnerable state, and then you follow it up with by making a request, by making a request of what would feel good, and then you follow it up with the following statement. Would you be willing to do that? Would you be willing to do that? So for example, we started off by acknowledging something. We say the and instead of the but because so many of you use the but language and you negate everything you say and then you follow it up with your request. It could simply be, you know, it'd be really great if we could text each other every night so I can feel safer in this relationship. Would you be willing to do that? That's number four. Number five is to acknowledge whenever, whenever you've shared something to him, whenever you shared something, acknowledge it with appreciation. So, so he might have shared something vulnerable with you. He might have said, you know, I'm rather busy at times and it's difficult for me, and, or excuse me, you've said, you know, about this and he, by the way, I had this backwards, okay. So you just made your request, it'd be really great if you did this and he said, absolutely, absolutely. You make sure you demonstrate appreciation for that. By the way, folks, the words thank you are hollow, okay, have become more hollow words. I would like you to incorporate the words appreciation, gratitude and grateful in your languaging replacing the words thank you. I truly want to encourage more communication that uses the words, hey, I really appreciate that. Wow, I'm really grateful you did that. Wow, and use the word gratitude. I'm in such gratitude for your kindness, your care, your love, okay. By the way, Jennifer, I saw your message and I'm gonna address that shortly, okay. So number five was express appreciation when you gave him the feedback. If it was, if it was worth, if the feet, if his response was positive, make sure you reinforce it with a positive statement. And number six, and I've been saying this throughout this entire, but the way to get to tell a man what you need is by expressing vulnerability, by expressing your insecurities. Now from this particular place, all of us have childhood wounds and traumas. And if you're savvy enough to do a little bit of introspective work, to think back to your parents and how your parents fucked you up, okay. There's a picture of my mom and dad. My mom and dad fucked me up. Let me tell you something. Dad's a great guy, but he used to beat the shit out of me and he was very closed emotionally. I was my generation. I'm a tail end baby boomer, okay. I was part of my generation. My mother used to constantly tell me I'm negative. My mother used to constantly tell me I'm negative. You know, the irony is my mother was the negative one. She was just projecting her shit on me. But can you imagine throughout your life you're being told you're so negative, you're so negative, you're so negative, you're so negative. Do you know what that does to the psyche of a child that when they grow up they have this narrative playing in their head that they're not good enough, that they're not lovable and they're not likable? This is the number one emotional health issue we are all faced with men and women alike. And ladies, if you don't think this is true for men, I want you to know something. Men commit suicide much greater than women by seven fold. Nearly one in every three men are clinically depressed by the way, women as well. And let's not even look at the fact that more men are imprisoned by a substantial number. That is a really distressing thing to think about. And yet you all expect men to be knights in shining armor and men expect you to be fit, friendly and submissive to them, not all men, but a lot. This is the bullshit narrative we're dealing with here in the United States. And no wonder the dating marketplace is an absolute clusterfuck. We have dysfunctional human beings in the dating marketplace and it's no wonder it's a mess. So how are we gonna heal this? Through vulnerability, through authenticity and through transparency. So number six is I invite you to express your insecurities based on your childhood wounds without acting like a victim. Without acting like a victim. I've expressed this to women in my life. I've expressed my childhood wounds, my mother wounds. And there's multiple mother wounds I have, okay? I've expressed that. I know the right person will lean into the conversation and the wrong person, all the wrong person doesn't get my time of day. And so I invite you to use these six things I just shared as a way to connect with another human being. And I also wanna encourage you all to read this book. I hear you. The surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. This book, I mean, it's amazing the little tips it gives you to really start leaning into better communication because I said in the beginning of this broadcast many of you are living in a fantasy because you constantly say the importance of communication and yet you're terrible at doing it but you are living in this delusion that you're so perfect at it. So let's own our fucked upness. Is that a word fucked? Let's own it. I own mine. I am deliriously fucked up, okay? And yet each day I choose to do a little bit more a little bit more to relieve the blocks. And remember I said before the blocks to love I wanna end on this note before we take questions. The blocks to love that makes it difficult for all of us to really lean into love is that fear of wounds, the baggage in our lives the ex-spouse or worse that's contentious ex-spouse. Our children can be incredibly problematic for those of us in midlife. Our work and our health issues along with that a lack of direction for so many people. Men are terrible at direction in midlife. Most guys are just winging it, winging it, winging it because they want companionship, they want connection, they want sex but they lack a sense of intentionality and no wonder you're frustrated with men. And I hear you on that. That's why I continually say you were in charge of your relationship Destiny, not the guy. And let me tell you something ladies you are the emotional container of the relationship. It's your job. It's your job to connect to his heart so he can connect to your heart. And if you need some help with that please read this book by Barbara D'Angelo is how to make love all the time she has chapter after chapter of tools. This is the tool chest to help inspire him to connect with his heart because listen, guys, I'm the unicorn because I do this shit for a living, okay? Only the men that do this kind of work day in, day out can be the leaders in the relationship as the way you wished. So you take charge of your life. And I know many of you are wounded in this way. This is why I continue and by the way, I know many of you are going, damn it, this guy just recommends a lot of books. Fucking, do you wanna change your life? Then read the books I recommend, especially this one why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, this is an amazing book for you to be empowered in your life instead of the naive way that you walk around and women, by the way, you're no picnic and guys are no picnic because ultimately many of you are dating people that you're misaligned in values and you're misaligned in lifestyle. And when I just talked about the emotional maturity and relationship skills because so many of you are building genuine trust in relationship because you've been indoctrinated in the belief that chemistry equals relationship success. And this is why you're so susceptible to love bombers. It is so, look it, these days we are in a hookup culture. Let's just call it for what it is. We men have it so easy to get laid. All we have to do is do what's called relationship talk and you guys will drop your fucking drawers without any trust built and trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? And lastly, a lack of commitment. By the way, I got to chill out. I'm yelling. I yell because I'm passionate. I yell because you guys are about, it's like a child about to touch fire. And look, I wish, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there on a first date with the shotgun pointed at the guy's face saying, what's your intentions with my sister? So you have to take charge of your life and do it for yourself because a lack of commitment, a lack of conviction, because we no longer need to make for babies and money. I'm gonna repeat that, babies and money. For those of us in midlife, unless it's babies and money, those were the two primary roots. What I mean is raising a family and supporting each other financially, okay? That's not there for midlife. So you better find your common cause together because without it, you're fucked. You're fucked and stop acting so naive. I shot my video for Sunday earlier and I just have a rant to make because a lot, listen, if you're listening to dating advice that doesn't contemplate childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas, then their advice is worthless and it's garbage. My advice is all understanding human behavior, not from attraction perspective but from an emotional maturity perspective because all the attraction in the world isn't gonna work when you're with someone who's emotionally constipated. And let me tell you something, you women are no better than men. You just think you are because you can vomit your feelings. Okay, I just vomited a lot of shit. That's my spiel, the six ways to tell a man what you need. All right, those who know my format, we're gonna take questions. Actually, today I'm gonna do a personal share. So if you have a question about my personal share, write the word personal question then write the question thereafter or please purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the box below. All the, or purchase a super thanks. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there. He passed away almost four years ago. It'll be three years and 11 months today. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund in his name. So I'd be really grateful if you're gonna ask me a personal question today to do so by purchasing a super sticker, super chat. All right, so many of you know, I've met somebody a month ago and it's a long distance dynamic. And most of you know, I can't stand long distance. So I wanna share why I despise long distance. I wanna share the ingredients of making a long distance work. And in the process, I'm gonna share a little bit about the person I met and where we're at at this moment in time. So why do I despise long distance relationships? Now this is a number I made up because 90% of the time, they are fantasies for most women versus most men. I'm gonna repeat that. It's a fantasy for most women versus most men. Why most men are emotionally immature and have terrible relationship skills and they're driven by their penis. So long distance relationships offer an opportunity to build a bit of rapport with someone fly out, drive out, fly across the country, get laid. And let me just share with you. They can love bomb in the beginning over the phone. It's almost guaranteed sex upon arrival. You can't, so these are the faults within it. So this is why I despise them. Subtle love bombing over the phone, guaranteeing sex on arrival. You can't see how their day-to-day life is because you're in a bubble. They could be hiding something in their life and you'll never know about it. There's an easy exit plan for the guy most of the time. The easy exit plan is I can't do long distance relationship or worse, you could be talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and never meet. People spend years talking on the phone in long distance relationships. And what they find is that they're actually in a cyber relationship and not an actual relationship. As a coach, I've had women reach out to me, Jonathan, I need help in my relationship. I go, great, they go, it's long distance. How long have you been seeing each other? Nine months. And I go, well, how often do you see each other? And a woman will say, I've never met him. I'm like, and so what's the problem in the relationship? Well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. That's not a relationship. That's a cyber relationship in the grownup world. For those of us who are grownup, a grownup relationship looks like this, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional lives. Intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy leading towards either moving in together, getting married or something. That's a real relationship. Thank you, team. Really quickly, I wanna thank that super sticker for $20, I appreciate it. So I've met someone. Now let me give you a little bit of the backstory. We met online literally 364 days before we actually met. She happened to be in Los Angeles, she lives in Chicago, she happened to be in, she said, I have a daughter, lives in Los Angeles and I'm thinking about moving out to be with my daughter. So I was searching, this is match.com and I was searching and I came across your profile and I loved what you said. Your profile had so much depth. And I wrote her back and said, call me when you're here, because I didn't wanna engage. But we ended up getting on the phone and we talked on the phone. She's gonna kill me for saying this now. And I didn't like our first phone conversation. To spare her, I won't tell you why, but I didn't like it. So I reached, or so she reached out to me about 10 days later, this is again a year ago. And she said, hey, how's it going, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I'm gonna be candid with you. I didn't like our first phone conversation for these reasons. And what happened next impressed me. She said, I've heard that before. So I felt safe enough to tell her and she didn't get triggered by me being honest with her or at least my truth. So it actually led to a deeper conversation. We ended up having a four-hour conversation. This was roughly a year ago. And we agreed to become Facebook friends and keep in touch. So every little once in a while, there'd be a Facebook post. I'd see her pop up, I'd send her a message. We jumped on the phone a multiple times throughout the last year, maybe a half a dozen or so times. We'd have one of these conversations for a couple hours because we liked each other's profiles. And then it got to the point where we were just joking. Well, if neither one of us finds someone where we live, oh, and she hadn't made a plan to move to Los Angeles. So we said, if we don't find someone in six months, let's get married. It was like a joke or something like that. Well, it turns out I had a reason to go to Chicago and reached out to her and she agreed to meet me. And we went out to dinner. Great restaurant. It was one of those romantic kind of restaurants that was overlooking the river in Chicago. It was a beautiful evening that night. I got lucky it was a perfect evening. She got a great table at the bar, high table at the bar. Minute we locked eyes, there was just this mutual attraction and she gave me a big gigantic kiss. And I share that because we had built rapport with one another. We built rapport with one another. And it was built on without an expectation. It wasn't me love bombing her. It wasn't me telling her, oh my God, you're so amazing. You're so amazing. You're so amazing. There was no like future rising or anything like that. I just was meeting a friend, but with something more. So we ended up spending a ton of time together that first night. And then I invited her to the wedding I was going to. So we got to spend a little bit more time together. And I found myself genuinely missing this person. I found myself appreciating this person. There was a strong bond between us. So what, and I mean that initial chemical chemistry kind of bond that wasn't lust or limerence. It wasn't just that she's beautiful and attractive. There was something more. There was something like an energetic connection between us. And just for the record, I'll show a picture so you guys can all see. And here's a picture of the two of us at the wedding. Okay, you can see that. And this was our first night out. I'll just lift that up so you can see us out. She's a drop dead gorgeous. She's got a sweet heart. So one of the ingredients was this strong connection. And I'm gonna say there was a sexual attraction between the two of us. Number two. So we made a plan to visit again and she came and visited last weekend. That's why I've been off the grid for the last couple, last five or six days. And she came to visit me to stay for a few days. And I had an idea. And that was, I put, I don't know if you know what a back jack is, but it's a way to sit on the ground with like, it's like a little back support for your back. And we sat down in my living room overlooking the ocean and we talked for 10 hours straight. We had what I call radical honesty, radical honesty. That to include laying all the cards on the table. We laid all our cards on the table. We shared our values. We shared the nooks and crannies of our lives. And we just didn't do this for one day. We did this two days in a row. It wasn't romantic dinners. It wasn't a bright ride on the beach. It wasn't anything fancy. It was just sitting and genuinely getting to know each other warts and all, the good, the bad, the ugly, the nooks and crannies. And the more we were communicating with each other, the safer and safer we began to feel. And we also leaned into our childhood wounds and traumas and our adult traumas, which includes our marriages. And we shared the pain that we experienced in our marriages. We shared in our relationships. And I've had a half a dozen relationships in my lifetime and likewise for her. And we shared the individual challenges, taking ownership of our part in it. We weren't being a victim. We weren't blaming the other person. We were building genuine intimacy into me you see. And if you're not familiar with the book by Robert Masters, read the book Emotional Intimacy. And little by little, we began feeling safer and safer. And we found each other, we found ourselves sharing some of our deepest secrets to each other because we felt safe, because we were radically honest. We were vulnerable. We were authentic and we were transparent. And the reason why I think this might work is because we have a flexible lifestyle. She's retired. I can work from wherever I want. So we've already got our next visit planned and we even have a trip. I mean, if it works out, a trip to Mexico planned. But more importantly, we genuinely communicated our individual desire, our true desire for commitment and what commitment looks like for us. What does that look like? And so ladies, when you're speaking to guys, whether it's short distance or not, understanding what commitment looks like and what it means to a person is a critically important radical question that needs to be asked before the penis ever goes inside the vagina. And at the end, we agreed to my dating vows. And many of you know my dating vows. The dating vows go like this. We mutually said this to one another. We said, I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, which includes taking down my dating profile. Again, we're mutually saying this to each other. We agree that if this isn't working, we're going to speak up instead of pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And lastly, we agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know one another. And we already find ourselves spending hours on each day talking on the phone. And folks, let me just tell you something. As a person who does spend most of his day talking on the phone professionally, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. And yet I find myself absolutely smitten by this person. I find myself feeling a sense of trust. I find myself with enthusiasm and I appreciate that she's showing up the same. So I want to share one more piece with you all because the reality is, is I'm the expressive one in this relationship, a little more so than her. I mean, I'm just more. That's because I've been doing this work over and over and over again. I've been reading these books like Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I read all these books and particularly I'm reading the book by Gary Zukoff's Spiritual Partnership. This is a great book to get into the meat and potatoes of what it takes to have genuine intimacy in the relationship and I'm leading the process. But folks, I'm a unicorn because I do this for a living. Guys don't, they're not connected with their emotional side. So you have to lead this process to have any chance to have real intimacy. So whether it's distance or not, you need to have a strong bond right from the get go or it isn't gonna work and not luster limerence because that's like crack cocaine. You need to have a connection beyond the physical. You need to be radically honest with one another because without it, you're not gonna get to true intimacy with a partner and you need to be with an emotional grown-up. She has done life spring. She's done personal development workshops. I've done the Hoffman process. I've done insight. I have over 3,000 hours. I have a Neuro Linguistic Programming Certificate. And I've done Reiki 3000 hours of workshops and trainings and videos. It's going to take some work to become empowered. If you need some additional help, go to the back of my book. I lay out all of the teachings right there. You can see all of the teachings I use to get to where I'm at. And I invite you to do the same because if you wanna have that juicy, delicious, healthy relationship, ladies, you are the emotional leaders in container of the relationship, not the guy. You can just sit in your feminine energy and hope and hope and hope and be that broken clock and get lucky a couple of times. But if you don't address the traumas and wounds in your life, then you're not gonna be prepared to hold space for somebody to do the same in their life. And because I've done this work and she's done this work, we're in a much greater chance of success. And while I'm not a big fan of long distance, I'll be candid with you. I'll be candid with you. I kinda like it, cause I like my alone time too. So anyways, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. So I'll spend the last minute or two taking questions from anyone. We'll take a look at the questions. If you have a personal question to ask me about this and I again, please, I know I'm the guy that says long distance is bad and I explained why they're bad. And I also shared today why I think it's good. So we've got a question here from Ouija. Okay, question. I finished the book, Why Men Love Bitches. I love it and learned a lot. Thank you for justing it. May you please explain the difference between checklist and standard? That's a good question. So it's funny. I'll share with you her name. Well, I don't wanna share her name yet. But I realized I had this horrific checklist and she didn't fit a lot of things in it. Check, standards are things of character. Checklists are the superficial things. Your standards are actions matching words, victor consciousness, knowing how to fight fair, empathy, transparency, those are standards. Checklist is he's gotta be six foot two. He's gotta make $200,000 a year. He needs to drive this kind of car. He needs these are the checklist in life. And so Ouija and I hope that answers your question. All right, let's go to Heather. You've been a dating coach for quite a long time. Just wondering if any of your advice has changed over the years. Okay, good question. Yeah, my advice continually gets tweaked as my awareness of things begins to expand. So for example, I used to be the biggest fan of online dating, the biggest fan. Now because of swipe apps, swipe applications, I'm gonna tell you it's bastardized the dating process. Now I still believe in online dating but not as much as I used to. So yes, things have changed in my life. In the beginning, I used to tell women a little bit more of the traditional advice. Now I'm kind of like, look, you're in charge of your life. You take charge, don't give that to a man. So yes, I have definitely changed. By the way, folks, one of my biggest problems and why it's taken me so long to find someone is I've been my own worst enemy. The dating coach in me fucking over analyzes everything. It analyzes, it analyzes, it analyzes. And I am my own worst enemy. I constantly, I mean, I cannot turn off the dating coach. It's kind of funny because I reached out to my ex-girlfriend who's my dear friend now. And she told me, what would the dating coach and you tell you about this dynamic? And I said to her, I'm fucking exhausted by the dating coach in me. That I want him out of this relationship. And I just want to be Jonathan. And I got to tell you something, ladies. I think for the first time in my life, I've actually sat with someone. We did 30 hours of talking over three days. And I found myself without the armor, without the mask, without the, what's the word I'm looking for, the persona of Jonathan. And I could just be me with her. And I got to tell you that was most, that is the most beautiful experience I've ever had just to be the raw self. And this is why I continually bombard you with book after book and invitations to change your life from the inside out. So you can have this kind of relationship where you can actually talk from the heart. And let me tell you something, ladies. It takes a woman to help a man get to the heart. And I had so many women before her to prepare me for her. Anyway, thank you for listening on that one. Renee says, Jonathan, I could see a definitely expressive communication. And it's good that she is maybe a bit more relaxed. You'll be able to meet each other's needs. Congrats. Thank you so much. She's worried I'm gonna lose followers by telling everybody about her. Kerry says, question, why do women who have alcoholic fathers have so much trouble with relationships? Because they had alcoholic fathers. Do you, I mean, do I really have to say this, Kerry? That's a, having an alcoholic parent is a very, can be very traumatic to a child. I mean, that's why a lot of people do Alan on and such and Coda and other things because that's a very traumatic thing that can happen to a child. So, and they tend to choose bad men. By the way, if you're not, listen, Kerry Ann, read this book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. This will tell you everything you need to know to understand that dynamic and I don't care. This is about understanding why we choose people like our parents, why we choose, why we choose up fucked up people. This book explains it all. Getting the love you want, okay? Definitely read that book. All right. Susan says, wow, Jonathan, thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it. Thank you, Susan. All right. Oh, Weijin, thank you for the super stick. I really appreciate it. All right. Let's see, I just saw something here. Bear with me, something. Question, did you start the dating vow physically part yet after second day visit? Love your teaching, man, but you just broke all our rules out of desperate desire to meet someone. I know how you fell. Let's just add a respect to her. Let's just say, since I was the grown up in the room and I understand the vows, I made sure she was in agreement with me before we, ahead of time, before we actually declared it. So the good news is folks, because I operate from this place. I already operate from this place of being an emotional grown up. The reason why I recommend the vows is because most of you all are dating, you can see yourself included dysfunctional people. These are just road, these are tests to determine if someone is actually capable of leaning into a relationship at a much greater level. And that's why I recommend it for everyone. Okay. Let's see what else we got here. Bum, bum, bum. Deborah says, please don't bar me. I don't know why that is. Okay. Bum, bum, bum. Tell your partner, okay, Carrie answers, tell your partner, it doesn't matter if you're single or married, we'll follow you. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. You know folks, listen, this was a big reveal for me. I am ridiculously smitten. I might be, this might be absolutely premature. This could implode. That definitely can happen. That's part of the risk. As my friend says, love is a big gigantic risk, but it's the best game in town. What I appreciate most and why my coffee mug kind of emulates this, coffee tastes better than it would have shared, is the most important ingredient, the most important ingredient needed is trust. That sense of safety, that sense of can you be yourself with this person? And the fastest way to get there is through radical honesty to sit down like we did and just lay the cards on the table warts and all. And little by little, we were building more through this intimate encounter. And what I mean by intimate, I'm talking about emotional intimacy, not penis and the vagina intimacy. That's just the icing on the cake. Truthfully, what I like about this person is I get a heart on, it's not about the heart on. And so it takes radical honesty to get there. It takes a sense of going beyond the surface. Instead of, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. The superficial things that so many of you are dancing in. So I scream at the top of my lungs to encourage you all to go beyond the surface. It's one of the reasons why my favorite meme, I'm gonna read it to you all and we'll end on this note. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite sense, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. From a twisted mind, I don't wanna know what's up. If you want to have a successful relationship, then start having deeper conversations. If the two of you have a strong bond, then start having deeper conversations because guess what? It builds trust and it is through trust that both men and women have an opportunity to do this instead of this. All right. Pamela, I'll post the dating vows in the description, okay? All right, folks, everybody, I wanna thank you so much for allowing me an opportunity to share. This has been an absolute pleasure for me to be able to invite you into my life a little bit. I am definitely very excited. I have no idea what the future holds, but I do, I'm gonna say this, this feels different than anything I've ever experienced and that's why I feel a little bit premature and positive all about it. So thank you for having my back. Thank you for supporting me. I'm so grateful to so many of you and hopefully through this experience, I can even teach you more and more about how to attract a great guy and have that juicy, delicious relationship that we all desire. Men and women alike want genuine love in their lives. You just don't know how to do it and I'm hopefully, I hopefully I open the door for all of you. All right, this would be a great place to wrap up today. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrack of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Deborah and Sue and Grace and Brenda and Cece and Rika and Jennifer and Marianne and Sue, let's see, Vox, Kristina, Kelly, Pamela, Karen, Kimberly's in the house. Let's see who else, Marta, Ruth and Carrie. Everyone, thank you so much. Wishing you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic day. Bye-bye now.