 That's just FIFTHISM with extra steps! SpongeBob SquarePants, that is who I'm looking for. Mr. Star, I don't want any problems, just tell me where your friend is. No, I want no nonsense, none. Why would I ever lie down here? Oh, crap. Alright team, let's move. 5, 6, 7, 8. Beta, excellent form. Gamma, loosen up, these hips don't lie, neither do yours. Alpha, you're off beat, we're not doing any double bops, just single time. Fix it. Robert, hey, my hand is stuck, would you please help me? Thank you. Okay, just pull. Come on. Damn it. Okay, let me try something else. I got soap here. Just lubricate my hand real quick. If we go... Just try again. Okay, pull. There we go, finally. You take care of the parents, we'll handle the child. What is it doing? Oh, 3-4-3, it's Astral projecting into a new body? You didn't tell us it could do that? Dang it, Bobby! Attention Foundation personnel, this announcement is a simple reminder. You do not recognize the water in the body. You do not recognize the water in the body. You do not recognize the water in the body. I've got two SCPs I want to tell you about today because they make my heart so happy. The first one is SCP-2686, an entity we refer to as the Moon Wizard. It's this fellow who lives on the moon, claims to be a wizard despite never showing us any wizard powers. The article is hilarious, but anything else I tell you would spoil the joke, so go read it yourself or listen to it on the Site 42 YouTube channel. The second article for the day is SCP-3579, known as Instigator. SCP-3579 starts with flyers for the Instigator service, appearing in major cities through unknown means. If you call the service, you can send 1-9 alligators anywhere you want without limit, and you can even give them special requests so the Gators do things for you. But it's a testing log that really kicks this one into high gear, so go give it a read or a listen on the YouTube channel, you're gonna love it. Alright, let's just grab... Oh no, I am caught. Whatever will I do? Sorry, giant LeBron doll, but 999 has already eaten one of your kind and is coming for seconds. I've got the entities on my monitor. They are heading due south. Boo! Oh, oh, booing your superior officer, that's not how you get ahead in life. Oh shit, there's a bigger one. There's a bigger one? You're a headstrong operative, handle it. I'll get the list. Dr. Bright is not allowed to place his posterior into SCP-914 and set it to very fine. Dr. Bright is not allowed to write Bright B. Bussin on the walls of staff bathroom stalls. Dr. Bright is not allowed to help clear the fallout of 682's recent containment breach. No matter how often he touts his, quote, massive dump truck, it cannot be used to clear debris. I've got a present for you, brother. A present? Oh my, thanks so much. Well, I'll pleasure, buddy. I'm just trying to find it. I left it some way here. Oh, yep, here it is. There you go. When it comes to having your eyelids cut off, the most important thing is prevention. You want to avoid any activity or personal interaction that may result in removal of your eyelids. I don't know what your secret is. There's so much going on in the world between politics, the pandemic, climate change, but you've been so upbeat and happy lately. Yeah, I just hired a guy to take all my stress for me. Everyone wonders why I'm so fucking agitated all the time. That's because every job I get, every single fucking job I get is just a fucked up job. No matter what the fuck it is, it's always fucked up. In my time as TikTok's resident foundation researcher, I've seen this animation reposted on numerous accounts. It always gets hundreds of thousands of views and I get tagged in it hundreds of times. So, you know, if you're looking for cheap views, I was kidding. Don't steal other people's work and pass it off as your own. But after seeing this for the 50th time, I got curious. Who actually made this animation? A quick Google search and look what I found. Found a news article from when this video went viral that linked to the original tweet. Shout out to Patty Funka for the dope animation and apologies on behalf of all the people who aren't crediting you. Yeah, gravity. It's natural. I just want you for my own. Please leave me the fuck alone. It never ends. It's a sign. Stitch this video with the sign you're going to bring to the Remember this story. How awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds you say. Very well then. Good news, everyone! All right, you all win. I caved. SCP 069 and SCP 6969 are both available on the Site 42 YouTube channel for your listening pleasure. Get it out of your system. Nice. If God sends me to hell, I will simply not go. What will he do? Send me to hell? I'm already not going. The fuck? Hey there, Site 42 fan. It's come to my attention that not a lot of people know that we have a Site 42 SCP merch store. We've commissioned art from multiple artists to make SCP-related merch. And we've got stickers for the Site 42 channel. And so if you want some SCP merch, as well as helping support the Site 42 channel, teespring.com slash stores slash Site 42. Thank you in advance and cheers.