 speaker, Orlando Owen. He probably has more experience in this room, more experience than a lot of us in this room combined. He's the founder of MagicMail.com. He's a two-time returning speaker to the 21 convention. He's not even intergame, he's ultra-deep game, which is on a whole other level, so I'm excited to hear about that as well. He's been coaching since 1985. Who here was not born in 1985? About 75% of you guys. That's awesome. And before he started coaching men, he taught women how to have orgasms and tontra. And he's responsible for multiple thousands of women having orgasms. Maybe not hands-on personally, but through his trainings and whatnot. So let's welcome Orlando to the stage. Thank you, Robbie. Appreciate that. Thank you. All right. Yeah, this is fun. Being in London, I picked up this scarf not because I'm a football fan, as they call it out here, but because it was just plain old cold. I'm from Florida, or LA actually. But the thing is, it's freezing. It was windy. And I vouched to my girlfriend to buy the first damn scarf I was going to see. And it happened to be this one. And then I saw, oh, wait, what does it say here? AFC. Y'all know what that is, right? Right. Well, to me it was a test because then I realized, oh my God, you know, looking like a damn football hooligan. And I'm thinking football, what does it say? Football. That's not football. It's soccer. And I'm thinking, no, actually, they're right. They're playing football. In America, we're kind of arrogant. We're playing hand egg. I guess it's a different sport. We're not really playing football. But it's not cold in here, so I'm going to ditch this little thing. But it was a real test of my self-confidence if I could walk wrong in this thing in a hotel like this. We're probably about paying four or 500 bucks a night. I don't know if you guys are staying here, but that's what it costs to stay here. And I'm not staying here, but walking into the hotel lobby and having the doorman kind of like look at me like, oh no, not one of them. Anyway, yeah, it's, I like to do these things just to test if I can sort of like be okay with it. If I can wear a scarf like that, that would peg me or stereotype me as a certain type of guy and then get away with it. And that kind of brings me to the subject, what we're going to talk about here today. And I'm sure at this convention and any others and anything that you've probably been listening to hearing was mostly probably outer game or how to game women, how to meet women, how to be confident with women. And then you hear about this weird thing called inner game. And people are saying, yeah, inner game. That's kind of like, it's a little gay and it's a little, that's usually when people sit at home that don't want to go out and they kind of like excuse themselves from going out and they're doing this weird thing that they're probably doing. Some tapping and some NLP and some EFT and whatever. Meditating, sitting at home, wanking off mentally, mental masturbation. That's what inner game is, right? Is that what it is? Is that what it is to you? No? I think it's got a lot more credibility in the last few years than it used to have. But I think for a while, it was sort of hard for people to even understand that that was important. But I remember one of my colleagues, David DeAngelo, saying about 10, 11 years ago, he said, once you take care of your inner game, your outer game tends to take care of itself. And I remember Steve Pease, Steve Pickers, if you've read the game, saying to me, you don't have outer game if you don't have inner game. You can do all you want on the outside, but if your inner game isn't there, that's like building a house without a foundation. There's nothing there. And of course I worked on that for many years and I realized that even in teaching women how to have orgasms was a matter of inner game more than anything else that had nothing to do with the techniques. It was all inner game, 100.0%. It was inner game, religious issues, little inner blockages, things of deservingness, all that was inner game. So having orgasms for women, aside from the physical part of having to train the muscles, that's the only physical part. Other than that, if they have a clitoris, if they have a vagina, they're going to have orgasms if they have the proper inner game, if they feel deserving of it. But all inner game or everything, whenever you're feeling some deficiency with a woman as a man, and relating to her, and trying to seduce her, there's one key element. And if you don't have it, it won't happen. And if it does happen, woe unto thee, because you wish probably somewhere down into the relationship, be it a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, maybe months at best, in some cases years, that you weren't even in that relationship. If you don't have that one, one, one, one thing, that's the ultimate goal of inner game. Any idea what that might be? What is the one sine qua non, that if you don't have it, everything else, it's like you can take a trillion and a billion times a million times a quadrillion times zero equals what? Zero. Right, thank you. And that's exactly the same thing if you're trying to do all this other shit, all this other stuff without that one ingredient. Any idea what I'm talking about? A little more than that, it's a function of what I'm talking about, confidence. But confidence is more of a state. I'm talking about something fundamental that doesn't change from one day to the next. Nobody can take it from you. Let's say you're talking to a woman and she shuts you down hard. That thing will not collapse. Your state may collapse. But the one thing I'm talking about will not collapse that minute. It might have to maybe so many rejections. If that's all you ever get, then eventually that thing will collapse. Any idea what I'm talking about? No, it's very simple. It's self esteem. Holding yourself in esteem. It's funny because I teach in Germany, you might detect this accident because my dad was German, I lived there for a few years and I actually teach mostly in Europe. But in Germany means something else. Everything is a little different. And so I'm having a little bit of trouble. I just did a workshop on this thing that was 48 hours long of which we're doing 24 hours of pure workshop time, including podcasts and stuff like that that I sent out before to the people. So I'm taking something that I thought I was scratching the surface on it $40 into 45 minutes. It's going to be a little bit of a challenge. But I think if I give you a few key points of what that thing is, why you need it, how you lost it, how you can get it back, and what to look for in your daily life, I think that's at least going to start you in the right direction. How do you know you don't have it? What does it feel like when you don't have it? I've always said this one thing and it's provoked or it's been provocatively perceived by some people. If you most people think, well, I want to feel like a man. So then then I can go and meet some women. And I've always said, are you sure that's the strongest drive in your life to really want to meet women? I think you got back to differ. I think there's a stronger drive, much more fundamental drive that women have. If you're a man, you want to feel like what? Come on, can't be that hard. You want to feel like a goddamn man? That's what you want to feel like. That's why people go and want to meet women. Oh, I have this hottie in my arm. I must be worth something. Or I can brag about it and what they call those things, lay reports, bragging rights, kiss and tell. Why would you want to do that? Who are you trying to impress? Obviously not women because they're not going to be impressed. They may think you're a bad boy and might be attractive. A lot of them are going to think you're a player and it's not attractive. But who are you going to impress with that? Johnny support in my buddy, he always says this one thing. He says, men are seeking the approval of other men. That's not a gay thing. It's just what is. But why would you even seek approval? If you seek an approval, if you seek in all these things, that's what we call a deficiency need in psychology. It's a hole. It's a vacuum. It's what I call the hole in the heart. Are they going to hate me for touching the mic here? But if you're trying to fill a void and need, then that's indicative of what? Well, self esteem. Thank you. And if you don't have it, nothing else matters. I used to do these funny things. I would meet women. And it was immediately was, of course, a lot of them I showed how to have their first orgasm was great, you know, they'll they'll be real thankful for that. They'll stick with you forever, unless you screw it up. Low self esteem, though, can screw that up real quick. And I used to do this pattern. And I somehow turned total nymphomaniacs, or at least nymphomaniacs will me into eventually asexual women after I showed him how to have an orgasm. After a few months down the relationship, all of a sudden, I managed to create problems in the relationship. How? Well, they felt pressured sexually. It would happen like this. One night we wouldn't have sex for whatever reason. And it was like, Okay, no problem. You can have that. Because I took it as rejection because why? Low self esteem. And, of course, then I was like, Okay, maybe and then I would create subtle pressures, which made her not want to have sex the second night. Right? Even though the sex was good, that wasn't a problem. But it was me not knowing how to ask for it properly and creating subtle pressures because I was coming from low self esteem. I was taken this one night in 100 as a sign of rejection, fundamental rejection. That's how messed up my self esteem was. Had nothing to do with my successes or having many women are laid. Had nothing to do with that. Nothing. Because I was filtering all evidence to the contrary out of the picture. And so will you. If you have low self esteem, you will not be able to see what this is all about. You'll take every little thing as a sign of, Oh, it must be me. Must be something wrong with me. And then I managed to create more pressures, but I didn't know how to ask. All right, I didn't know how to initiate sex easily unless she would. And I was like, Well, I can't ask for it. She always wanted sex with me. She'd always started. How do I do it now? It's weird, really weird. And I managed to turn relationship out of relationship asexual until I knew nothing better than leaving the relationship. And that's tragic. If you if you ever get to that point, I mean, I'm not saying I did this always in every relationship, but I did it more often than I care to admit. And that's very indicative of low self esteem. And that's typical for the kind of problems that start spiraling out of control. One thing feeds on another and eventually you realize, Oh my God, I'm running out of options here. Because the one thing that you need, the one thing that everything rests on, the foundation, the very foundation of everything in your life may not be there, or it may be compromised, it may have cracks in it, may have never been properly built. How do you know you don't have low, you don't have good self esteem? How do you know that? Ever had the feeling? Well, she's out of my league. You can prop yourself up with state management, also known as NLP. But that's like taking a toothbrush to do high colonics. It's like white out on a computer screen. It's wonderful. And it can do a lot, but not if your self esteem is fundamentally low. It will never prop that up. It might prop it up for a few minutes or a few hours, but then it's going to go right back down. Have you ever been to one of those motivational seminars? Yes, I can. I'm ten feet tall. And tomorrow you're like, Oh, well, I'm still eight feet tall or so. And I'm pretty sure I can do it, yes. And then one day later, you're like, maybe seven feet tall. And I think I can probably try to do it. And then three days later, you're probably like, Oh, I'm four feet tall. I was actually six before, but now I'm four. Because it should have worked for me and now it doesn't. And now I'm feeling worse than I did before. That's state management. That's what happens when you're trying to correct the fundamental problem with contextual solutions, seminal solutions. There's no foundation there. And how do you know you don't have good self-esteem? Well, ever felt like, Oh, what's to use, you know, or ever said to yourself, if I approach her, you know, she might reject me. You already went through the whole movie in your head. How she's going to reject you ever had that? Who's ever had that? Oh, I'm the only one? No, there's a few. Okay. That's what happens though, when you don't have it. Ever felt like low in motivation? Or you felt like, Oh, I want to distract myself from certain issues? Or I need to motivate myself that I can't do this thing. And then you didn't do it. You ever feel like, Oh, well, you know, I'm working in this dead end job. Job is an acronym for just above broke, what they call a wage slave. And I want to get my own business, but can't do it in this economy. You know, my dad tried to do it and he failed. And I know my uncle tried to do it and he failed. And yeah, I'm probably, it can't be done really. I shouldn't. And then you feel better because the anxiety recedes. Ever had that ever? Or you want to talk to this girl and you find some reason, some excuse? Well, that's what happens. You, you retract. You already rejected yourself. And that's what happens when you don't have good self-esteem. You won't take, you will take stupid chances like jackass to make yourself something that you're not, but you're not going to do the real gambles in life, the calculated risks, like finding your own, finding your own business. Taking on a project. Did you think, Well, I can't be done. It's too big for me. Whenever you have that, whenever you're feeling depressed or down to yourself or powerless or any of that, that's what we call it pathological inner critic at work. And that's a very, very powerful thing to cut you down. In the workshops that I do, I spend about 12 hours on just that one subject. Ever had the inner critic at work? You know what that is? A psychologist, a psychologist or a sociologist named Eugene Sagan coined that term and he called it the pathological inner critic. And that inner critic is that inner incessant voice that always nags and cuts you down and always says you can't do it. She'll hate you. You're bore. Or I'm better than this guy, but I'm less than the other nine guys there. Have you ever had competitiveness in your life or comparing yourself or striving for perfectionism? These are forms of self-medication, but they're also forms of meeting needs, deficiency needs. And the inner critic is so like you're in a little Nazi, you're in a Hitler. You can't do it. She'll hate you. Yeah, lazy. Ever had those voices? They come from your parents. They come from church and state. They come from the media. They want to sell you something. And all the powers that be are very interested in you not having good self-esteem. Because if you have good self-esteem, then nobody can sell you nothing. You don't need it. You can't be manipulated if you have good self-esteem. That inner critic is incessant. He'll always tell you what to do and he serves certain needs. It's very hard to shut him up, but the first step is to start listening. If I give you a couple of miniature exercises to kind of take with you, then look for the inner critic. Listen to the inner critic. That inner voice, your inner, I don't know, the nagging voice that you might have heard from your parents or somebody else. That's your boss constantly telling you you'll never amount to nothing. Or that was stupid. Or I'm going to get yelled at or she'll reject me. That's all your inner critic. And if you do nothing else but listen to that voice every day, you might want to make a little list. In the workshop I send out a podcast, two and a half hour podcast before the workshop, and a 25-page worksheet. And there I have people watch for a week preceding the workshop for that inner voice, writing down with date, time, and what it said. And typically people come up with about 10 or 20 of those a day for about a week. Just do it for a day. Just find 10 of those things in a single day. That was real stupid of me. Oh yeah, great housekeeping. Look at this mess. Stuff like that. Whenever you say shit like that to yourself, write it down. Start listening for it. And write it down. And it's a real, real powerful thing. It's a first step in catching this inner parasite, that inner alien, whatever it is. Get that. And then when you have a list like that, after like a day or maybe two or three, 10 points. Just do 10 points a day. Nasty shit you said to yourself. Write it down. And then figure out what need it serves. Because it serves a need. I can't go into all the psychology behind it. That'll take us hours just to do that. Operating conditioning, variable ratio, reinforcement schedule. Do the psychology behind it. It's very fascinating why you listen to that damn critic. Why would you listen to somebody who constantly cuts you down? Well, here's one good reason. Let's say you think, oh, she's going to reject me. Or people are going to reject me. Or I shouldn't go out and apply to these companies. Because they are going to reject me. It's like saying, look, you know, I hit my, you know, took a hammer, tried to put a nail in the wall, and hit my left thumb. And then people said, well, hit your right thumb, that'll hurt less. That's a real cynical way of looking at things. But that's how people operate it. The inner critic will do one up on it. He'll say, look, you know, you're probably going to, you're a dumbass, you're going to hit yourself on the left thumb. So why don't you preemptively hit yourself on the right thumb? And then when you inadvertently hit yourself on the left thumb, it won't hurt so much. In other words, I'm going to be rejected. So I reject myself first now. So when I will inadvertently get rejected, it won't hurt so much. Ever done that to yourself? I have. Everyone I've worked with has. That's one way. That's one need that this damn critic serves. And if you're aware of this, just that little awareness helped me a great deal. I mean, there's a hundred times more to it, a thousand times more to it than I can give you in 45 minutes. But it's a start. Or it does this. It drives you. Ever had perfectionism in your life? It's not good enough. Ever had that? Well, that's a motivational thing. You think, oh, I need to motivate myself to have this state that's unattainable. It's like the perfect 10, you know, asymptotically can't be reached. Only so close. And then people think, well, you know, if I motivate myself, if I didn't have that critic, I would be a lush, I'd be a lazy fuck. I would never do anything. Well, yeah, that's one way to meet that need. There's a healthier need, a healthier way to meet that need. But if you're doing it, most people using the critic to compare themselves to others on the off chance that they'll be that one time out of 100 when they're winning. It's like putting the slot machine, feeding the slot machine. Yeah, but the next time I could win. And that's reinforcing. It's creating an obsession, variable ratio reinforcement schedule. Look it up in operant conditioning. Very powerful. Very frigging powerful. Write that down. And whenever I have that list of 10 points a day, what you said to yourself, nasty shit, self rejection, comparing perfectionism, I should try harder. It's probably a pretty good work trying to kick you in the bum. But that's not the best way to meet that need. The best way to meet that need is if you find something that you're truly good at, life's purpose, if you're finding something that you enjoy. It's a lot more complicated than that, obviously. But it can be simple. Low self esteem. Where'd it come from? It starts with the what they call the prison religions or the Yavist religions. I am the Lord, thy God. You're worth nothing until proven innocent. They do the same thing. If you read the papers in Britain, you could be a tax evader. I'm pretty sure you are. Can you prove that you're not? Can you prove a negative? Why do you think we have that in the United States? Proven innocent until proven guilty. I mean, you're presumed innocent until proven guilty. Not that it always works that way in truth, but it should. But in Europe I found this a lot, particularly in Germany, essentially your suspect until you show me otherwise. But you can prove a goddamn negative if it's impossible. Can you? I'm pretty sure you have weapons of mass distraction somewhere in your closet. You don't? Well, prove it then. See, I thought so. I knew it. That's what happens. One feminist said, every sexual act between a man and a woman is rape. That's how far it's gone, my friends. That's how deep some of these guys go, or girls, or I don't know if they're girls or something. I mean, I hate Russian, but I truly do. You probably don't know who that is, but it's kind of like a weird guy in the US. But the one good thing he ever said, the one term that he coined that I really love is feminazi. In Germany, that's illegal to say. I have to bleep it out of the videos, but here I think I can. Ever met a feminazi? Typical man. You're looking at me the wrong way, huh? I said, no, I'm looking at you, period, but never mind. I already regret the stupid thought of having wanted to meet you. No. Thank you for bringing that up so soon in the relationship. There's no relationship. No, you're right. There isn't. Ever had that fundamental sense of wrongness that society kind of imposes, religion imposes, all these different institutions of society impose? Well, that's one of the problems. That's a big problem, and it runs, I don't want to offend anyone's religious beliefs here, but in the Eastern religions we don't have that so much, especially in Buddhism and Taoism. There is no such thing as guilt. Guilty until proven innocent. Yes, fundamentally, you're born into sin because some girl some time ago ate an apple, and that's why we still have that cut-out piece in the MacBook, probably, but that condemns you to eternal sin. There's priests, televangelists in the US telling people, look, you know, you condemn to hell, hellfire, absolute torture for a billion years, and if a baby doesn't get baptized in time before it dies, it'll go to hell because it's born into original sin. That's what I call the prison religion. There's nothing to do, I don't want to offend your beliefs, I don't care if you're Jew, Muslim, Christian, whatever, but just be aware of how that seeped in. I mean, the God that I believe in, like Bono said, isn't short of cash, mister, but he's also not cruel. The whole idea that your worth, your self-worth, has to be earned, that you're wrong, born into sin, guilt. There's always something wrong until you do something to make it right. Default state is guilt, sin, as long as you have that, as long as you don't exercise that, find what it is and exercise it, you'll always feel fundamentally wrong, and then everything you do will be wrong until you make it right. What is your self-worth depend on? Where does it come from, self-worth? Come from some external source? Why do you think it's called self-worth? Where does it come from? It comes from the self. And then, oh, that means you're selfish, egocentric, self-absorbed, ego, no, that's all compensation, coping strategies for low self-esteem. That's not, you can't have too much self-esteem. The great psychologist and I guess educator of humanity, Nathaniel Brandon, who would be a great guy to come here to speak, he always said that, that was the immune system of your soul, of your psyche. You can't have too much of it. That's like, oh, you're too healthy. You can't be too healthy. There's no nothing wrong with that. People say, how about that guy is like so arrogant? Well, arrogant is what? Irrigans is what? It's compensation for low self- esteem. Posing, bragging, being the, I'm the alpha male of the group. I don't need to say hi to women. That's low self- esteem and action for Christ's sake. All that shit is low self-esteem because somebody who has high self-esteem and knows his worth will not need to do these stupid things. You won't have to impress a woman. You'll just sit there. You don't need to think a fan. I'm not saying you don't need any outer game. Sure, you need to be playful and do all that, but even that springs automatically from a sense of self-worth. But what's that self-worth depend on? Again, religion and the systems, the elite schools, they tell people, you're only working, if you're working less than 75 hours a week, you're a, what's the word they use? You're basically a useless eater and breather. That's the basic, basic of, basics of these schools like, I'm not even talking about Harvard and Yale. I'm talking about these elite business schools where you get your MBA. So you can be a banker and then get paid Boney. So you shut up, how you screw people. That's what people do who have low self-esteem. Like, pick up is like, oh I can't get it any other way. I need to resort to tricks. You won't like me for who I am. You won't like it for who you are? Not as long as you don't like yourself. And what does it depend on? Default mode as you come to this earth, you're like an empty vessel born into sin, essentially you condemn to hell unless you sort of redeem yourself some way. And it's all about, we're talking about this in the US. He's worth ten million dollars. Well, he's worth one million dollars. That means that guy is worth ten times as much as that guy. That's his value. As a human being? Well, maybe as a human doing, but certainly not as a human being. It just means you are. What's your worth? What's your value? Does it depend on what you do in the world? It may, you know, that you do good things, constructive things versus being a useless douchebag or a parasite. Yes, that might have something to do with it, but that's in the long run. But when you come to earth, are you worthless? Until you're fed, you know, they put this big funnel and then knowledge gets poured in there and culture and, you know, all this stuff, civilization. And then you eventually worthy when you graduate from whatever, kindergarten, PhD, I don't care what it is. That's your worth. That's your value as a human being. Well, then good friggin luck in finding self-esteem. As long as you think that your value, your worth as a human being depends on what you do, what you can, what you know, what you have. None of this is you, man. This is all ego. It's all descriptions about you. It's data. It's stuff. It's bolt-on, aftermarket shit. But it's not you. None of this is you. You know what builds self-esteem? I like the way Nathaniel Branden does it. He has six pillars of self-esteem. I'll list them briefly. You can get his book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Excellent book. Six Pillars. Number one, the practice of living consciously, aware, becoming even aware of who you are, what moves you, what you're all about. You're living, breathing, being. That's really, really important. He does it with sentence completions. There's other ways to do it. But I like his six pillars. And that's number one, the practice of conscious living. Number two, the practice of self-responsibility. People think, oh, responsibility is like guilt or duty or task. No, it's taking your power as who you are. Not ego power, but like true personal power. Who you are? It says, I can make a change. Self-esteem is a choice. It may take me a month, a year, or a decade to get it. But I will get it and I have a choice. I'm no longer a victim. That's self-responsibility. It's all scratching the surface, man. It really is. I wish we had like a little more to do this. There's others. Practice of self- assertiveness. Standing up for yourself. And others, by the way. Courage, you know. Self-assertiveness. If somebody says, yeah, you're nothing, it says, no, sorry. I mean, take your opinion elsewhere, but I know who I am. I don't want to spend too much on time on that one, but the one that I spend in my workshop a hell of a lot of time, and I do probably about several hours of this, is self-acceptance. People say, well, but you know, there's something wrong with me. I don't like myself right now. So why I can't accept that? What are you just doing? You're wholesale rejecting yourself. You're pouring incredible amounts on something that you can't even control that way. You are the way you are right now, including your desire to change, including your desire to develop. But right now, you are the way you freaking are. And there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Ten seconds from now, you can do something about it, but this very second you can't. This is what is. Like Byron Katie, loving what is. The work. Great. That's reframing on a whole new level. That's taking an NLP, like, to at least one flight of stairs higher. Accepting that which is who you are, saying to yourself, I'm whole and perfect as I was created right now. I'm right here. I'm right now. I'm here because my creator wanted me. I have a right to be here. And even though I may not like I have desires and thoughts and things and my apartment is a mess, why I can't accept that? Well, then you pour energy into the uncontrollable. And you can't move on until you do that. We spent hours on this in the workshop and it's unbelievable how resistant people are. The ego, I can't accept that. Well, you pouring, I mean, you're getting five miles to the gown for Christ's sake. Like a hammer. You're not you're not getting anywhere until you get that self-acceptance. Pillar number four. Pillar number five. Really important for self-esteem. The practice of self-integrity or personal integrity. A lot of pickup guys are real nice guys. Oh, you're so beautiful. Can I, you know, do favors for you? Take you to dinner lunch? Well, that's very inauthentic. And then they sort of get it and they learn some skills and then they turn the other way. They turn to be a total jerk. Yeah, bitch, come on. You know, and then they're treating women really badly. Well, I used to do the same thing when I went through that. And you know what happened? I felt like Alfie. I felt like a douchebag because I was. And eventually it created subconscious guilt. And I started undermining myself because I really didn't feel deserving. That's low self-esteem. I did this whole thing in the first place to get there. Just me thinking I needed to resort to tricks and then turn to an asshole. That's what we're most pickup guys are stuck in. It's compensation. First you get a nice guy. That's the problem. Then you over here on the other side, which is compensation, overcompensating, training wheels, crutches. But then you need to move one step up to the integration. When you get those two sides, then you're a nice asshole. You're a cool guy. And then you don't have to, you build up self-esteem. You don't need to play those stupid games anymore. Then you have game because that's who you are, not because of something you do. And number six is the practice of living on purpose or purposefully. Purpose. Your life's purpose. People say, I need to have a vision. I need to have goals. I need to have all these things. Well, those may come from ego. But purpose is something very different. It's, you ever heard of Martha Beck? She's the original life coach. Great, great woman. One of the best coaches I've ever come across. She has this book, Finding your own North Star, like staring by starlight. That's when you find who you are. Your old self, your ego needs to die. You need to really get into that point where you really feel who you are, what you're all about, what really gives you energy. You'll never have to motivate yourself ever again. You never need to prop yourself up with NLP or anything like that if you find your life's purpose. It's like getting on the power curve. I started this thing a year ago called kite boarding. And it's amazing. And the first time I was even on the board I was just in the water and I was like doing in Cranton Park, remind me. And I was like, whoa. And then the thing kind of starts figuring out, figure-aiding. And then all of a sudden it gets on this power curve and I was literally, literally I was waiting out. I was thrown to about where you're sitting back there, Franco. And I was probably about literally camera level out of the water. I was like, fuck. Holy shit. And it was like the biggest rush. I mean, I've done other shit before skiing and motorcycle riding and jet skis, car racing. No, this was a whole new level. This is like the quarter-mile in five seconds. This is like, fuck me. And that's kind of the feeling you get when you get on that power curve of purpose. That's what it is. It's that curve. It's like a cam. It's like you're down here. Most of us have never passed two, three percent of it, five, ten if you're lucky. But when you get like 50 percent of that power curve, it's like it feels like a thousand. When you get into 70 percent it feels like ten thousand. It's amazing. And that's what gives you a sense of purpose. You feel like I'm making some useful contribution to the world. So that's probably, that's one thing I'm really, really big on. You'll never run out of conversation. You'll never run out of shit to say. You'll really like yourself. You can't help but be successful. There's no way in hell you can't be successful. Even if it doesn't work the first or second time eventually you will be. If you're finding who you truly are, your true self, your essential self, that north star, that emotional GPS, that really is you rather than well I want to get a good job at Wall Street because it pays well. I've been there, not on Wall Street, but I've been a millionaire. I felt it was the most empty place on earth. It wasn't me. Now I earned like five percent of what I earned like 10 years ago. But I'm very happy doing it. I'm working 80 hours a week, not because I feel like I need to, but because it's fun. It's what I do. I enjoy it. My girlfriend hates it kind of, but it's what I do. I enjoy that. I truly love what I'm doing. And that gives you self-esteem. And that's not something that a little shut down. It's like some girl that gives you a lip. That's like a little puppy dog barking in the moon and the moon goes, are you done? Okay, thank you. And it can't get to you. It's like water off a duck. If you want to have self-esteem, find out who you really are and then live that and you'll find you'll never have these other problems again. Do you think I'm insecure with any woman because of her beauty? It can't happen. And I'm not even as cute and young as you guys are. And I'm not saying I'm getting them all, but I don't feel like inferior. I sit there because I know who I am. There's not a goddamn thing she can do a say to make me doubt that. Because it's real. It's not state management. It's not white out on the computer screen like most NLP and other techniques. It's real. It's who you are. I want to give you one more exercise with this. Because most people kind of flip-flop, ever had that? I had that when I was probably your age, 20s, 30s, whatever. I had that a lot, this roller coaster. One day, and I was trying to become a professional musician, even though I didn't have quite the talent to be the next Harvey Hancock, the next Diana Crawl. But I wanted to be that because it was cool. And I thought I needed that to feel good about myself. It couldn't be done. Even though I practiced 12 hours a day sometimes, 8 to 12 hours a day of piano, couldn't quite get there because I didn't have the core talent. You need to find that core talent. You need to really get an accurate self-assessment. And I was on this roller coaster because some days I felt like this is incredible, man. I'm like God on the keyboard. So I get it right. Everything worked. But that was only one in 10 days. And for the other nine days I was struggling trying to get that asymptotic perfectionism. And the other days I was like, I'm such a loser. I can't do it. I suck ass. And no amount of Steve P hypnosis, NLP or any of that stuff worked on me. It couldn't. It couldn't do it. I tried to hypnotize myself to be that guy that can play like God. No. If it's not there, it's not there. You're beating a dead horse. Yeah, I know if you learned like the talent code in all these books doesn't work. And then I would be like on this roller coaster. It's like a candy. Right in the candy bar express. You ever done that? Sugar rush. Mental sugar rush. It's like, it's called bipolar. It's, you know, manic depressive. Those very few moments that I was in this perfect state I was God to myself in my own universe, obviously. The other nine days I was like dirt, piss on. And that roller coaster is what happens when there's nothing solid there. And eventually once I got to know who I was and what I stood for then it all kind of, it's like it went steadily like apple stock. You know, it may dip a little but eventually it's going up. Unlike most stocks. But that's how it works because it's solid. So the one thing that one exercise that I would really like for you to do is to just write down several areas of your life and those would be your personality, your body, how you relate to other people. Pick your own categories. Sexuality, your work. Do all that. We did this exercise and a guy wrote about his body. He said flabby, kind of chunky, feminine, whatever. He wrote all this stuff about his body ugly. Incredible. And then I was like who wrote that? Would that guy please sit up? That guy was six foot five. He had arms bigger than my legs. He was on a SWAT team. That guy was looked like a friggin Navy SEAL. He felt feminine. He felt like a little shit. He was good looking. He was like Arnie. He looked like a, I mean he was like built, right? Ripped. Not as ripped as he wanted to. And then we reframed it for him or we helped him reframe it. And he was like no that's not me. He would completely shut out all evidence to the contrary. But that guy was like the exact friggin opposite of what he wrote. Everything he wrote you would expect some little deformed guy to come up there and crawl up on the in the center of the room. And that guy was a friggin special forces trained SWAT team guy that was looked like a fucking body by Jake or whatever. He looked like he was he could have been taken out of a commercial for physical fitness. And he thought he was like feminine and flabby and all that. Because he had like he could pinch about an eighth of an inch. But to him that was fat. Distorted self-image. And it may not be. Most people then say well I'm great at this and they're trying to prop themselves up. No get a friggin accurate self-image. Take several categories in your life that import they're important to you. Write these down. Your looks your physique all that your body. How you at work. How you relate to other people. How other people see you. All these things. Write those down. Get categories. Six seven eight. And then write down first write down just brainstorm what do you think it is. And then once you have that list. Let it sit for a day. While on it and then next they go through it again and then eliminate all period of language from it. All of subjective language. All negativity. All generalizations globalization all that global labeling get all that out of that and just really sit down with a friend do this with a buddy. And have and you know keep yourselves honest. Each other I mean. And yourselves of course. And just do that. That's maybe my other little homework. Number one you remember. Keep a list of 10 things you say to yourself for like two three days. And then go and look why you're saying these things to yourself. And if that's even really accurate. Question everything. And then number two do an accurate self assessment. This is not even scratching the surface because what I really do with people is. I don't go into NLP. I don't even go into hypnosis. I got way the hell deeper than that. And I combine these things. Cognitive behavioral therapy and all that. With a process that's completely bypassing the logical rational mind. And I haven't I haven't seen any NLP that can do that. Even though I've worked with some of the best. I haven't seen them go down to that level. They can prop somebody up for a few days or weeks. But it's still. It may point you in the right direction. So then you realize oh wow. I have choice. I can go out there. I can work on my self-esteem. But the actual work is going to take you a little while. Because it took you probably decades to bring it down or at least years. It's going to take you maybe months to bring it back up. Maybe years. But that's the only way you can do it. And if you have that. If you strive for that. There's good books out there. There's really good stuff out there. There's really good people. Most therapy sucks. Most psychologists and psychiatrists sucks. But that doesn't mean there isn't good ways to do that. But if you work on the one thing. Everything you do is ultimately trying to get that feeling of self-esteem. Everything you do. Every outer game. Every successful woman is geared toward that feeling. Why not go for it straight. Go for it directly. Like the Gordian knot. Rather than trying to unravel all this shit. Go straight for that feeling. How do you know you have it. You don't know. Go straight for that feeling of self-esteem. And work on catching yourself whenever you're trying to put you down or you're trying to make it dependent on external factors. That was five minutes right. All of it. I felt like I talked for five minutes compared to what the subject matter does. All right. Any do I do a sales pitch. Well actually okay. Q and A. Yes. Exactly. Any questions about that. Anything you'd like to know. Okay. You were first there. Sir. Is there any books you recommend to get more into this the deep self-esteem changing. There's two books that I like more than any others. One is one of before mentioned a book by Nathaniel Brandon. The six pillars of self- esteem. And the number the number two is written by a couple of guys. One is a PhD. They called I forget the first. It's Fanning. Two ends. Fanning McKay. And it's called self-esteem tools for recovery or something like that. I think that's the name of it. Those two books are incredible. Unfortunately they're still on the logical level. They don't go once you combine that though with the real deep trans work. And I'm not talking about a little you're great and la la la la. Once you combine it you can do you can probably get 10 times the effect out of this. Then you could get from the books alone. That's kind of like what I do and that's probably my sales pitch. You were next. Same question. Okay. You were third. Unless I overlooked somebody over there. Okay. Well my question was about find your core talent. Core talent. Yes and then you had your self-assessment. Again there's two really great books. One is called there's a trilogy of management books I really recommend. They call Clifton Buckingham. There's actually a Clifton strength finder by the Gallup organization. That book is called discover your strength now or now discover your strength. One of the two. And it's by Clifton Buckingham. Mr. Clifton is dead. He's no longer with us but he divides a test that you can get online and there's a code in the book that if you do it it'll give you a list core talents and the book to me is more important than the actual test because it'll give you 34 things that you never thought. Most of them you probably never thought could be core talents. And it flies in the face of books like psychocybernetics. As good as that guy is. It flies in the face of the talent code which to me is one of the worst books ever written and a very dangerous book in my humble opinion. Because it'll lead you down the path of thing. I can be anything. I'll pick it from a menu of a shopping list of ego desires and then I push myself to get there. That's the wrong way. We're going the other way. Clifton Buckingham. Discover your strengths now. You'll find it if you Google it. That's a really good way to get there. The other great books really that I recommend more than anyone. The original life coach the term was coined for her is Martha Beck. She's an editor for Oprah's magazine but she goes well beyond some of the stuff you see on Oprah. She's really great and a book that I like the best is called Finding Your North Star and Steering by Starlight. You can get those on Audible. I listen to shit because I drive a lot and those are incredible books. If you work through that stuff you won't need me. I shouldn't say that bad marketing. Anyway no you do need more than that but it's a really good start. And if you want to find out I haven't given any workshops in the US for about four years simply because I was so damn busy working in Germany where I do about six or ten major workshops a year and you know I got to spend more time in the US. I'll be a lot more in there Florida and Los Angeles. Miami and Los Angeles are the two places that I hang out and the website is being renewed. There's new stuff on there if you want to go on there magicmail.com with the CK. It has nothing to do with that black magic crawly shit. I'm using it as opposed to stage magic illusionism. It's a form of magic to me means you're taking responsibility. You're not taking the path of the mundane of the muggles as they call it in Harry Potter land and you're saying look you know I have powers because we all do even the muggles. The muggles are only muggles because they believe they are. They may not go like this but even Harry Potter had to learn all this stuff and magic with a CK is to me a high form of consciousness self-empowerment you taken. It has nothing to do with ego or whatever it has to do with yes we can. I know I know we're all tired of that but essentially it's yes we can yes you can and that's what magic is. So it's magic mail with a CK mail as in as opposed to female magic mail.com and there you find more stuff on this stuff. All right okay thanks appreciate it