 Good day mate 40 here. So on my show yesterday Elliot Blatt stopped by he talked about how he Can't just be bothered with anything in the news these days Nothing that happens in the news. Nothing that we're supposed to care about can he muster any care about? So he had that subway shooter Terrorist in New York and Elliot found he just didn't care. We've got the Ukraine war Elliot finds he just doesn't care that all the conventional news items that Used to hoard our collective attention no longer hoard any attention and I notice this with a lot of people They just don't care about politics. They don't care about the news. They don't care about the national project they Don't care about anything. So what the heck is going on and I think it's all related People are disconnected from other people right, we've socially isolated during the pandemic and even before the pandemic in many ways we were becoming more and more isolated like fewer people are getting married and having kids and forming stable communities and Volunteering and so people are just checking out so there was a comment on a January David Brooks column in the New York Times and The commentator wrote of having checked out about national project in response to feeling that society had already done the same and Had withdrawn into just minding my own family. So I think this is pretty widespread and a terrific article here in Time magazine It's called the apathy crisis why we find it hard to to care about anything and It is a crisis like if you don't care about anything that means that something is wrong Right, it's a it's a it's a blaring signal that Something is wrong That it's it's time to reassess how you Look at life how you do things It's a it's a flashing At best. It's a flashing yellow light It's saying pause portion Something something's gone off track here All right, happy people are engaged people People are engaged with the world and to be happy people And if you don't give a damn about what's going on in the world Not a good sign So in the New York New Yorker a few weeks ago There was a cartoon that had that heading weird feeling and there are three Figures thinking about the stuff that used to fill their brains things that once mattered don't matter Runs the words of their heads at least not in the way they did before so if you feel like things don't matter It's because you lost connection with other people when you connect it with other people things matter things are exciting It's like the difference between watching a movie on your own or watching a movie in a theater filled with people so three years ago people cared about going to a new restaurant to Performances to art galleries to all sorts of activities that mean you're crowded together with other people But now looking back at that time it can feel like a completely alternate dimension so this kind of Social interaction has just not been a part of the life of millions of people All right for the last two years You collect some debts or what? Yeah, I'm about to go out with my cricket bat and collect some debts This is this is a Good good cartoon in the New Yorker Things that once mattered don't matter Yeah, it's like everything that's happening now is going to have to have an asterisk after it so According to a Pew survey Americans are shrugging at the country's most pressing problems What issue should be priorities for Congress and for the White House in the coming year? Highest rate of concern strengthening the economy still didn't draw that much interest And there's a global report released in January from Oxford and Reuters Found US online news consumption fell significantly between late 2020 and late 2021 Well, I think part of this is that Donald Trump is no longer in power So Donald Trump has been a tremendous source of energy But for people who love him and for people who hate him or people It's hard to be just completely apathetic to Donald Trump. It's very easy to be apathetic towards Joe Biden So we had the arrival of the Omicron variant at the end of 2021 We had a high-speed spike in cases but didn't cause Didn't cause much interest in pandemic headlines the Olympics no chance, right? People less excited about the winter Olympics this time around in the last winter games most people could not even name one athlete competing and More people are taking a nihilistic approach to their health. So smoking cigarettes is cool again. So if you just don't care All right, the many of the safeguards that Used to keep us on the right track are falling away So why should he care for anything? That isn't his place doesn't he live in in California. Well, it's a pretty vivid story a Subway shooter shooting 23 people. I'm not saying he should care I'm saying that overall lack of care about the national project about anything at all is a really bad sign Right if you don't find you care about almost anything outside yourself It's not a good sign. It means that you're disconnected and therefore unhappy and therefore you're not going to make good choices Like you lack the fuel to to to build a life So in the early days of the pandemic You know, we shared an excitement and a strife and we may appreciate the frontline workers But all the things that we used to do in those early days of the pandemic such as banging on pans and you know Signaling that we're in it together just sounds so exhausting. So why do we feel exhausted? So Elliott talked about not caring about anything and feeling exhausted all the time those two go together Right, the symptoms are the same thing disconnection from other people There's no sustainable smooth energy without connection with other people our primary source of energy is not the food we eat It's not getting sunshine. It's not taking the Daphnil. It's being connected with other people in community So John Smith notes America isn't a nation. Yeah, but there are dozens of sub communities Subgroups cultures within the nation that you can strongly identify with and participate in so We all have our problems to think about and the other problems like climate change or political battles And war they're just so big. So what's even the point? Yeah, John Smith says I picked up smoking lately, too Yeah, there's a there's a nihilism that that takes over when people just don't care very much Right, the things that may have once driven you to action Right, just aren't doing the trick anymore right, we're We're in a collective burnout a collective languishing Collective apathy a collective indifference a collective the great whatever seems to be the dominant vibe and Yeah, it's good if you care for your family and your friends in your community But if you feel completely checked out from anything beyond that Probably not so good, right? Especially if it's combined with other symptoms such as lack of energy, right? energy comes from creating a shared reality with other people Having rhythmic engagement, right? rhythmic entrainment where you where you're creating something in Synchrony, so right now I am more energized doing this live stream having a conversation with John Smith If John Smith wasn't here and no one was chatting away, and I was just talking into a void I wouldn't have as much energy So I had a great conversation with Elliot you stay on the show I think it was it was our best show ever Right those 30 minutes or so who's on the show was like the funniest It was just the best material we've ever done and out of that connection out of that shared reality that we built I got a sense of energy and if I didn't have a sense of energy and if I didn't give a damn I wouldn't be making this video because I've got the energy to make this video here we go People who run New York City. Hey people like you and Elliot. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true now They certainly don't share our politics or our cultural and social views, but there are probably Areas where we have common ground and then other areas Where where we don't they want to replace you with Hondurans and El Salvador and say think you're evil No, I think you're you're exaggerating So for example the the number of white people in California has not changed significantly in the last 60 years. They've simply been supplemented by Mexicans and Central Americans, but they haven't been replaced so Some people have gotten tuned in due to the events in Ukraine Right, so some people start paying attention But what does it mean to care and what does it mean to not care about say the national project and the news? so The space between caring and taking care of people is a small one so without caring in the first place It's hard to do anything to take care of others Right usually first you have to care and then you do something so I Diverted much of my life to orthodox Judaism Since age 27 therefore I care a great deal about orthodox Judaism I sacrifice a great deal to convert to orthodox Judaism therefore because I sacrifice so much therefore I care so much about orthodox Judaism so happy people are generally the people who are engaged with the world People who are disengaged with the world. They're generally unhappy people. It's not Evolutionarily adaptive. It's not psychologically adaptive to be disengaged from the world. So sad people are generally filled with self-consciousness self-awareness Self-focus right negative affect filled with bad feelings and that makes you less likely to get up and do something Even the motivation that comes from a negative feeling like righteous anger. You usually only works if it hits a basically happy person Right a surge of righteous anger is not motivating for an unhappy person Right, so if you're happy you'll tend to feel more energized their energy levels Essentially correlate with your happiness levels I feel like I can get a good read on someone just by listening to their voice within a few seconds I can I can sense how happy they are how energized they are how connected they are how much recovery they might have Right people who are happier are more concerned with more things They're more engaged with the world and they're more likely to take action And when you take action you then connect with other people and get more energy and more happiness so this lack of engagement in the world and with the news is a symptom of a deeper underlying unhappiness I Remember I went into therapy one day and I said oh when I get a synagogue I feel like nobody cares about me and my therapist had a great response. What do you care about anyone there? like oh, yeah, and Reminding me that if it is to be it's up to me and that helped push me to greater engagement with my orthodox Jewish community So if you feel like nobody cares about me, then why would you care about anyone else? Why would you care about the climate? All right, if you feel like nobody cares about you you're going to feel depleted Lacking energy and so turning inward is natural like it feels like a waste to Spend your limited energy and concern on a world that has turned us back on you Also as more and more people are working from home The isolation of the pandemic means that we're losing out on a lot of everyday interactions that used to replenish us Like even a 30-second chat with a breaster, you know, it helps you to feel more connected to people around you Without these little doses of connection where it was suffering from resilience fatigue and collective exhaustion And John says I heard your anecdote about your therapist before us left quite the impression on me Yeah, I love quite an impression on me, too Any vitamin supplements or Torah portions you recommend for diminished energy levels or the number one thing is to Get on the same page with people So you say I don't want to talk to my my co-workers from India. What do you have anything in common with them? Do you have any similar interests like do you care about cricket? Do you like are there Indian films like there's some really good Indian films and TV series that are on Amazon Indian culture religion in India India's an absolutely fascinating area and These people can be quite funny and very good company, but you might need to make an effort The vitamin supplements of Torah portions you recommend for diminished energy Yes, the number one thing for energy is to create some sort of shared reality with other people So see if you can get on the same page with other people. So even 15 second chat in an elevator with a stranger can make you feel more energized When you're at the park, you know, go to a dog park even if you don't own a dog and you know pay attention to the dogs and They'll hope you connect with the owners. So I went to a dog park the other day and Had all these wonderful connections like with people who I'd otherwise just like walk by I wouldn't pay any attention to but I learned the names of People I learned the names of their dogs. I know what people do A dog park is a great way to connect and then I like a mid-afternoon for energy and I like my beef organ supplements and I have also found alkaline water has helped somewhat with energy levels and Getting some sunshine getting enough sleep. But the main thing is connection with other people. There's no lasting smooth energy without getting on the same page with other people getting into a rhythm with other people creating a shared reality with other people and Out of that bond that you build with other people Comes a shared ethic and the more intense the interaction the stronger the bond so go to a yoga class Like go to some kind of physically demanding activity go to a meet-up group go to you know hike Go to a concert like the more intense the activity The more energy you'll get from it and the tighter and quicker the bond that you'll form with other people You said I can't connect with my Indian co-workers because they are brought here to suppress native wages that that's macro Right you can still connect with them on a micro level even if you disagree with national immigration policy and even if you hate dogs All right, if you recognize that you're better off like bonding with other people creating connections with other people Feeling a need to get energized from other people then may need to get over your euphobia and and expand your empathy Stories of desperation are emerging in Shanghai as the city enters its third day of strict lockdown with widespread reports So residents being unable to access food medicine Yeah, the the Chinese COVID vaccines don't work nearly as well as the ones in America and England and Australia So Chinese vaccines are virtually useless against Omicron while the American vaccines Vaccines are moderately effective John says I like the parasocial relationship you and I have I am content bro. There is so much energy from real-life relationships Like this cannot touch what you get from real life face-to-face interaction There is no Substitute for real life face-to-face interaction and if you have like a good real life face-to-face interaction I went for a long walk with a friend yesterday that replenishes me for days afterwards and it informs It informs me for days afterwards even when I'm on my own I'm reading a book I'm thinking about oh, I want to talk to my friend about this book or when I have an awkward interaction It's like oh, I want to talk to my friend about this interaction or I have a thought about This issue with regard to health or this issue with regard to women I Think in relation to that friendship and to spending time with that friend, right our friends Are with us even when we're all alone even when you surround her by four walls and you're all alone You're still thinking in connection with your friends like when I read a book It's because I want to share it with with my friends That that's a major part of the motivation for reading and understanding and digesting a book Getting my comments read out on YouTube gets me hide it high enough if I most people don't share my interest in HBD All right personalities crime statistics and Torah Right so expand Expand your your interest you don't have to limit yourself just to those topics so in fact it probably Serve you not to not to go into those topics Until you've got a very well-established friendship with somebody so Our pandemic isolation builds on top of a lonely foundation that that's been growing in America for decades as we become more diverse That means we have less in common We're less connected often. We're surrounded by people who don't speak English very well And it's hard to form bonds with people who don't speak your language So we've got higher and higher percentage of students and just regular Americans are suffering from deep depression deep isolation All these things go together So our culture Individualistic and cold is increasingly out of sync with our nature, which is emotional and warm so Americans compared to Australians and and the English and Europeans in general are much warmer much more outgoing much more wearing feelings on the sleeve so We're going to Resign ourselves to life of increasingly contactless encounters in which we become ever more isolated and lonely Are we going to commit to reconnect? so How do we avoid isolation? Right you can connect with your barista You can participate in in meetup groups. I just put it put an interest that you have hiking or You're a seeker Spiritual seeker or yoga just put that into a meetup Dot-com and find out what groups are going on Totalitarianism bases itself on loneliness right henna a rent in the origins of totalitarianism on the experience of not belonging to the world at all The people tend to respond to Community norms so if other people around you act with care for people outside They're in a circle so will you and once you start to care Then it gets easier to keep doing so So if you make yourself feel good for a moment That can lead to you having more energy and that leads you to talking to more people and then going for a run and Doing things that cause more positive emotion. So this is an upward spiral that builds on itself So when we feel good, we have more energy We have more interest in other things and other people we engage more in activities Which leads to more happiness more action and have a more energy So another good article here in time about here are four ways The pandemic has changed how we see ourselves So I just subscribed to Apple Plus So $10 a month and gives you access to about 300 different publications. It's like getting three, you know 300 subscriptions for $10 a month. So this is where I found these articles So our self is a social product, right? There's no true self who I am is different when I talk to you that when I talk to My friend Yitzie at Shul or my friend, you know, Josh at Shul or my friend Daniel at Shul All right, I am Different depending on where I am who I'm talking to who I'm connected with yeah This is this is an honor a sticks and hammer put on a leather jacket. Good old sticks All right, so there's no true self who we are depends on who we're talking to like I'm different when I talk to Ricardo and when I talk to Elliot and then when I talk to Daniel or to Richard or to Kevin or to Ralph or to Millennial woes right We develop our identity based on how we think other people see us Right, and then we also try to influence their perceptions of us So that they see us in the way that we'd like to be seen so we under sell We understand ourselves based on social feedback like if everyone was telling me oh look you look really tired Luke there's something about you. You just lost energy Luke. You just seem really apathetic Luke you shouldn't be live streaming right now. You should just go back to bed Luke maybe you should take a break from doing this. You really suck. All right That would have some effect on me But because you know we're engaged in this stimulating conversation You know, I'm I'm getting energized. I'm getting happy and I'm having a great time Meetup groups don't accept single man. That's not true Because tons of desperate men flood them to get laid It depends on how you conduct yourself The days have melted into weeks in China's most cosmopolitan city Residents have struggled for days to make sure they have enough food to get through the to the weekend Yeah, so Apparently the Chinese don't keep on hand as much processed food as Americans. The Chinese really want fresh food and So they're in trouble because their access to fresh food has been severely diminished It's a little bit like when Starbucks opened up in Israel It flopped because Israelis are used to really fresh food And so they weren't they weren't willing to settle for these, you know, diesel sandwiches at Starbucks Luke joined the California syndicate the Yakuza mafia Luke Luke drilling a hole in the didgeridoo won't make a difference It's accepted knowledge now that meetup groups are a no-go It depends on the meetup group right meetup groups aren't all the same so Depends, you know, which one you go to if one doesn't work, then you can try another I Mean, yeah, if you go to meetup groups and you put in you're looking for women to give you a BJ That may not be an approach that works okay, so During lockdown our identities became less stable because we all rely to some degree on other people Telling us who we are now we can rely 100% on that or we can rely 50% on that But none of us rely You know 0% on other people telling us who we are so the more narcissistically inclined the more we rely on other people telling Us who we are so It's been largely a part of my character of the course of my life an excessive dependence on other people telling me who I am Now I'm 55. I'm older a little wiser I can still do a video and have everyone in the chat tell me that I'm wrong and I can keep going Because I'm not 100% dependent on other people telling me who I am Maybe it affects 20% of me So in crisis our self-concept gets challenged right We lost the ability to get that feedback from other people to tell us who we are so People who who feel like they know who they are who are getting that that feedback Tend to have lower rates of depression and personality disorders so after the the initial stress of the lockdowns we tended to return to Our pre-lockdown sense of self, but it's taken a while right there's a concept called emotionally inertia So emotional states are resistant to change and they take some time to return to a baseline level So at the beginning of the pandemic we questioned what do we truly believe about ourselves, but then We've started to adjust to the new world, but but not completely so during the pandemic we've been forced to adapt to new social roles and How comfortable we are with our new social role, right? That's going to depend on for example how important that role is to us. So our identity is not fixed All right, I have an identity at one synagogue that's different from an identity at another synagogue Which is different from an identity at one 12-step meeting which is different from them my identity another 12-step meeting Which is different from my identity at yoga class Which is different from my identity with Alexander technique teachers All right, so our identity is not fixed We always hold different social roles within our family our work our friends our groups And they change from time to time, but many of our social roles over the past two years about to involuntarily change So as we experience these losses we start feeling inauthentic We start feeling disconnected from our true self But this this social role interruption affects people's authenticity only to the extent that the role is important to you So if being a musician is central to your identity, right? You may feel inauthentic playing virtual shows on on YouTube But if your job in an office being a leader of man is not a big part of who you are then you may not be as affected But how much has your changing role in life? affected your happiness level So to get more comfortable in our new identities, we can start accepting reality start accepting our new sense of self If getting back to who we once were is impossible so Like you can incorporate, you know virtual work virtual interactions As part of your new identity Not as good as face-to-face interactions never will be Many people have made voluntary role changes a lot of people have moved out of cities Because when you live in a city your living room is usually the local coffee house, right? Housing prices are so expensive in major cities like Los Angeles San Francisco and New York People don't tend to entertain much at home. They tend to live in very small places and Then do their socializing outside the home But being locked at home during the pandemic has made many people realize. Hey, I need a bigger bigger place to live I need, you know high quality of life So when you adapt to a new identity your sense of authenticity gets restored So esoteric says yeah, thanks to all those rich people moving out of the cities I can't find a house or condo to buy in my state of Connecticut. I wish they would have something to force them back Along with all the 300 to 500 thousand dollar salary tech jobs that can now move anywhere across the country So yeah, there have been a lot of positive changes out of this This pandemic we're learning to do things more more efficiently So as our identities change, we're going to feel happier The more authentically we present ourselves both online and offline All right, people have a perception of a true self even though there isn't a true self We it's like if you study calculus like we can we can have a perception of getting closer and closer to to the limit of our true self So people feel most inauthentic when they're performing to others in a way that is inconsistent with how they think and feel internally Which often happens on social media Did I watch John Stewart's show on white heat? No, I didn't it just seems way too depressing I mean he has said some you know edgy and interesting and funny things over the years, but this show is not one of them Okay in isolation, we don't get the same access to social feedback as we used to so Some people have become increasingly dependent on social media for their social well-being And the more time you spend on social media The more inauthentic you feel because social media usually Takes a lot of impression management and so people are heavily editing themselves on these platforms So think about how much you are heavily editing what you say right now to To create a better impression at synagogue or at work so the initial lockdowns required us to Self-regulate meaning to calm ourselves without being able to get that face-to-face social feedback that used to calm us and regulate us And we had to learn to adhere to new social norms Now we're experiencing more changes that require another self-regulation effort to understand what's happening We're not going to always be able to get back to our previous lives. We have to negotiate a new kind of reality So For many of us we are no longer the same people after this crisis So when you accept reality accept the things you cannot change It's easier to reconcile with who we are now And who we want to become Bye-bye