 Under the day, you aren't qualified to give prostate exams, so I don't think it'll hold up in court. We live, Matt? Where the fuck is Matt? I went to take a shit. Matt Brown is shitting. Welcome to episode number 13 of the Farley and Michael Mully Actual Fire Car. Wow, you're being a replacement of First Letters. Oh yeah, we're in Michael's basement. If you go into his house, take a left and then you get to a hallway, go left again. You get to his bedroom. On the left hand side of his bed, there's a latch, open that up, go down the stairs, turn around, follow it straight. You get to us. Matthew. Come over. Matthew Brown is browning. Oh yeah, he's pushing brown. Fuck me. We had a fucked day today. We just filmed a website video today. This is armpit hair. It's fucked, man. You fucking, you put deep heat all over his balls. That is excruciating. Put a cigarette out on Mardos. Whoever sent that, like the hottest chilies condensed down in the liquid form, like maybe a couple of seasons ago. Peppers straight his asshole. We put that on my ring today. Obviously, that'll just be for the website, which may as well get strained to the sponsors then. This podcast is proudly, proudly sponsored by Manscaped, first of all. And if you want to discount code fully actual, go. Get it done. Use it. You get 20% off. OK, they're all sorts of male grooming stuff. Now with these, they do your balls. Still be careful when doing your balls. OK, still don't be reckless because it can just go slow. Slow and easy. Just because it's safer doesn't mean you can't still nick your balls. All right, so just be careful while using this. Some perfume. Perfume, they got they got all sorts of shit. Just right on the cigarette burn. I didn't even mean to do that. I'm sorry. You're hurting me. And remember, yeah, they got the ball wipes. They come with undies. So manscaped.com should be good if you need any male grooming shit. Head there, use a fully actual discount code 20% off just like that. Bom, bom, bom. And what else they got? Oh, man, all sorts of shit. Just going to have a look. Fragrance. But anyway, the other sponsor, which is our subscription website, the University of Markle, where we post like a 30 minute vlog of our entire lives of that week onto the website, right? What's at 799 US a month now for new members? But today we filmed a video with what things irritate the skin the most. So we fucking squirted super glue into my armpit and close my armpit. And when I tried to open it, all hell broke loose. He's got no armpit hair now. And it's all pussy and gross and it's just a hurt a lot. Yeah. And Michael. Yeah, like my ring probably copped at the worst and my balls. So that so that'll be out right now while you're listening to this. And also so if you want to watch it for free, just sign up and then watch it. And then if you don't want to pay, you can just unsubscribe. Yeah, we were told to stop saying that. But that's the honest truth. You want to see that video? You can see it free. Yeah, a little loophole there for you guys. All right, we're good. But if you do want to sponsor the podcast and you can't afford it because remember, the subscription website funds this podcast. All right. If you can't afford to pay a simple thumbs up or a comment, just comment the best. That's it. And then that YouTube will think this is good shit. It gets people talking. It's the best. Our fucking last podcast, it got so the one from the week before. In 24 hours, it's on like 400 comments. It's like more that's more than our main channel. Yeah, so you fucking everyone's just fucking fucking it's good shit. It's a good little community we're getting with this podcast. People are starting to understand us. But powerful. Yeah, it's like there's not we're not just too sick fucks being dickheads. We were never that. Yeah, maybe when we were younger, all right. Yeah, back back back now we're knowledgeable grown men. And we've got people that back us. As soon as you have an army, you have an army. And that's the goal. We just want an army. Yeah, change the world with and you guys fully actual. We will all be changing the world together. We went to Nimbun on Saturday. And my God, did we get high? There's a sucked in, Mr. Police, man, catch up. It's the muddy grass. It's called in Nimbun on every year. We only found out about a very last minute. So we're just like, fuck, let's go. And we went there for work reasons as well. But fuck me, it's so cool. There's just weed everywhere. Everyone's happy. There's no fight. If it was a fucking like a street festival with alcohol, there would have been brawls. There would have been bottles being thrown. Right here. There's probably a rape. We've had a hundred percent there would have been a rape, Matt. Matt, I heard one of our friends won the bong toss. One of our good mates, Mono, threw the bong the further a set of everyone there. We entered, we did shit. Yeah, fuck, we're so embarrassing. I totally fucked that up. And yeah, like it's good fun. Everyone was happy. God damn it, whoever you are, shopkeeper, girl, hippie. That's where Michael will find his wife next year. When we go, we'll tell everyone in advance. Hopefully we can find out beforehand. And we'll do a big, massive meet and greet there. And hopefully by then we'll have like our own weed line or something. Oh, we can all get baked together and find her. Fucking it's a good shopkeeper. It is a good fucking festival. I went about eight or nine years ago, maybe longer, maybe ten. How long it's been on for? Oh, it's been on for a long years. But yeah, do people still camp there and stuff? Yeah, let's stay there for the weekend. Yeah, a hundred percent. And they usually have a big rave towards the end of this. And they fucking, this massive joint came through in the parade. And then they just start throwing out free joints for everyone. And there's fucking cops. But it just, I don't know, they just don't really do anything. Did that happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cops came directly after the parade and we're walking around and everyone's just sort of like what everyone's smoking up. We are not. I don't think people were smoking in front of them, but like in the summer of the cafes and like in some of the bar, there was a bar, yeah. Well, we were just smoking in underneath the little ringworm. Yeah, from memory to the cafes, Dutch up like if all the doors shut, it was one that was Dutch and right up. But it was a good time to God. Yeah, it's such a beautiful place there. The drive in, it's very, very good. You know, yeah. Good description. What the fuck? Where were you on Saturday, by the way, cunt? Where the fuck were you? I slept in. Oh, you could have slept in and still fucking come, cunt. He had a browning day. No, it is a long drive. Like it's like an hour. No, it's about two hours. No, no, no, I'm saying it's like just a bit over an hour, too long a drive. Yeah, there's now a laugh and you're like, fuck, it's shit. Such a shit drive. We should definitely stay down there, because that way you can be there for the afternoon and night time festivities. And then you don't have to worry about, oh, shit, I got to drive home. Yeah, I want to stay there for the weekend next time. Even if we don't stay there, we can stay in Byron or something. But it's not staying at ten. It sounds like I fucking get the vibe there. We could stay at that house, the nutcracker house that we stayed at last time with the nut field. She would never let us back there fucked up. I forget that house. What was it? That was one of the boy's trips. We didn't fuck it up too bad, do we? Nah, she monolossed his airbeam. Really? What did we do there? I can't even remember that. I think we used all their firewood. We left the fire burning. Yeah, we left the fire burning. Oh, that one. Is that when went for? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but fuck, dad. We got that was in Nimmin, was it? That was like half an hour, half an hour. Very close, yeah. That's so funny that we did that. We went to Nimbin on that trip. It was fun. But yeah, next year we're going to do a meet and greet at Nimbin for the Mardi Gras Festival. We'll meet you all get hopefully. Is that's if we remember this? Because we found out so last minute. I don't know how people find out about it. Well, it's got it. It's going to be every year. Yeah, I know. But like, are you going to come fucking February next year? You're going to be like, oh, that's right. Nimmin's Mardi Gras is coming up. I'll remind you, I don't drink or take drugs at the moment. I'll remind you. OK, also, Michael's birthday. Oh, we're listening to this. It has been Michael's birthday three days ago. It's coming up on Friday. Oh, yeah, sorry. We're in the future. We're in the future. We're time travel. So, yeah, I'm 31 now. Wow, you're my age now. I can't stop stabbing the chest. Have you sorted out your private health cover? Fucking really? Hey, have you sorted out your private health cover? I did that before 30. I didn't either. Did I? No, I'm not going to do whatever. Yeah, we've run the gauntlet. Oh, damn, you're fine, boy. What else? There's so many things that say cunt on our desk. It's four cups as pens as Michael. Well, fuck, that's about all that's happened last week. We've finished the fucking series and the last season finale. The soccer episode is out right now. I don't know how it's going to turn out because we haven't filmed it yet. We film it tomorrow. They forecast storms all day. We're going to get a film with Charmie's little brother, Jayden, because he's a very good soccer player and literally no fucking soccer players. They're like it's like the tennis world. Everyone's just like, oh, no, no, no, you can't have fun. You can't kick a soccer ball at someone. No, that'll ruin soccer forever all over the world. Shut the fuck up. Go to God. We have so many like raw players and they're really keen. And then they'll say, oh, sorry, ask the club. Club said no. Fuck having a boss that you've got to ask. Anyways, that's like management. If we had management, that's what it'd be like. Yeah, if you had a producer, they'd have to be an asshole manager. Yeah, so we're filming that tomorrow. That is out now. So whatever we film tomorrow, that's out right now. So you can go and have a look at the season finale and you can finally see which sport is the scariest. Do you know what I mean? We solved that one. Man, that was a big experiment. That was a lot of data collected for a lot of time and effort. So anyway, now we're going to get back into our old type of content. So more science experiments, pranks again. Get ready, brother. Don't touch me. All right. And yeah, so get ready for that. And who knows, we might even start pumping out two a week or at least back in a month. We swear that fucking reach restriction on Facebook for a year. Makes everything so not fun. Five more months to go. Yeah, five months left. Fuck me. Mr. Brown, could you please pass me my vape and that bowl of green shit? Origana. This is two episodes in a row. You've asked me to do this. Sorry, is that going to be a thing? Yeah, maybe I'm good with it. Yeah, so what was I saying? Um, yeah. So basically we got he's a data, so much data from from that. So but we are going to do another series at the end of the year when the reach restriction is gone, because it's fucking like we're putting so much effort in and no one's seeing the videos. And I look at the analytics and usually when you can tell that where videos get their views is Facebook recommends it to people. And there's like one percent of the views from recommended. So it's only getting shown to our followers. It's just really hurt my feelings. It's just really hurt my feelings. Yeah, man. Don't let it get to you. Oh, he's like, I'm in the day. Instagram only gives reach to reels. So when we post our long form, even on Instagram, no one sees it now. So it's literally YouTube wants the YouTube shorts. So everyone's like trying to compete with TikTok. That's what's fucking going on in the social media world, by the way, for those who don't know, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, all trying to compete with TikTok and it's fucked us. Yeah, everything's constantly changing in the world. Everyone's like, just have a short attention span, that fucking quick hit. So that's what we're going to get into more. So we have to go to play. You gotta adapt. Should we upload the podcast to TikTok in one minute? Yeah, we should fast forward it. So it's fucking 58 seconds long. Imagine the fast. What we should do is get all of the fart sounds, put them together and then speed them up to 10 times as fast. That would be pretty funny. Sabrina's already fucking put half of them together or one like a little video of them, which is like constant fire for me. Very entertaining. I haven't had any gas today. Yeah, you unleashed it in one episode. I thought you were going to pull it out then. All right, let's fucking get on with the on this days, Matthew fucking Brown, come on. He's fucking done this research and he's fucking come up and trumps. Oh, I'm excited. I hope there's a bloody diary entry in there. I've got a suggestion after this on this day. So also just bear with me. All right, anyway, I don't like the sound of this before you do it. No, OK. On this day in 1939, Tasmanian started fucking their siblings on this day. In 2011, Katie Perry kicked a horse in the skull after the horse threw her off during a ride. Katie promised herself there and then that she would never ever trust another creature ever again. Now she lives in complete isolation in a forest, maybe. On this day in 1985, Michael Jackson kissed six 14-year-old boys with tongue. The kisses were said to have been so passionate that the six boys spent their whole lives spreading love and joy. Love and joy is what they named their arse cheeks. So it's sort of doing that a bad created a good. Well, they were spreading their arse cheeks for the rest of their lives. So I guess that's good. OK, depends what you're into. Yeah, OK, yeah, it's good for Michael Jackson. It could be good for him now. Who? The kid. It's good for Jeffrey. Full of cum. By the way, remember that website video we're talking about earlier? That jar of cum that someone sent in. Michael wanted to see if it irritates the skin. So he poured it into his hand, rubbed it onto his arm and the smell drove all of us out of this house. It was like off fish food. It was off calamari. It was seafood that's been not in the sea. And it was so bad to smell. It was just not right. It was it was like a chick that's shit that's you've been having sex with. She's pissed, but hasn't wiped and come back. Forced you to go down there and you just taste like an off if you're any sex, weird taste thing. And she hasn't washed for three months. She's just been lying in a humid room. Yeah, you can't do that from one piece. So she this was bad. She's basically pickled. I got a question. What was worse when we got sent the shit or the smell of that cum? The shit because the shit lasted for what? That was like six hours. Like my girlfriend at the time was she was not happy. Yeah, yeah, that shit was pretty certain though. She was so angry at me for that. So if people feel free to send more shit and come in, by the way, it's really. She come into it. Vomit, because I've got no cum. I haven't had vomit and we haven't had piss. We will smell them if you send them in. Like I don't have a poo ready, by the way. What would piss smell like? Probably close to piss. Close to piss, I think. Piss smells shit straight away. I see what you're doing. I love shitting and then pissing on my shit. He's trying to distract us from. Oh, from this little diary entry that's snuck its way in. Oh, yeah. He's trying to a little just he's thrown a little smoke bomb in, has he? Well, I remember this, Matthew Brown. I read this diary entry this morning. And you emailed it to me. So I know that you want people to know about this. All right, he's looking. Matt Brown wants everyone to know who he really is. And this is his way of showing his true personality off camera. OK, this is who Matt Brown is really. On this day in 2015. Diary entry number 1009 from Matthew Gregory Brown. A cool winter's day had me rugged up and feeling great. I was doing my usual rounds of the female bathrooms at the gym when I came across quite a rare find. A hairbrush has been left unattended and had a ball of mangled hair still attached. I could tell from the shade of blonde that belonged to a girl I'd been observing for over two years, I picked it up and smelt it to confirm. It was her. I furiously started plucking the hair out and popping it into my mouth. By the time I finished, I had an entire mouthful of her hair and my little brown started to stir. Suddenly from behind me, I hear, this is the girls bathroom. I freeze. My mouth is completely stuffed with hair. Is that my hairbrush? Oh, no, it's her. I can't let her know how deeply obsessed I am with her. And I attempt to swallow the mouthful of hair with my back still facing her. I tilt my head back and swallow with all my might. The hairball gets stuck halfway down my throat. I use my fingers to stuff the hair down further. And finally I managed to swallow it. I finally turned to face her and my body is tingling with anticipation. Oh, sorry, I thought this was the men's bathroom. I could see from her disgusted face that she did not believe me. Her face grew from disgusted to shocked and scared when she saw stray hairs caught in between my teeth and on my tongue. There was a very awkward silence, but I was now so excited that my nipples started lactating. Sorry, is this your brush? I asked nervously. Yeah, she said as she started backing out of the bathroom. I'm now rock hard and I take my chance. Do you want to get a ham sandwich with me sometime? I saw her glimpse down on my crutch that where my pulsing erection was getting close to releasing. I've got a boyfriend. She mumbled as she turned and ran out of the bathroom. She's playing games with me. I said loudly to myself, I knew she didn't have a boyfriend. I knew everything about her. I smiled as ejaculate dribbled from my little brown. I like games. I thought to myself as I walked out of the woman's bathroom and went home to search through my feces for her hair. This is a game I will not lose. Oh, my God. Whoa. He's finally made the move and actually asked her out at least. Ham sandwich. This is the shitest sentence to ask a girl. I'm going to start doing that. Fucked up, man. That guy's fucking twisted. I like, no, I'm using that in future. Suggestion. I can tell everyone can tell that your heart and soul is not really in the on these days anymore. So what if we just turn on this day into diary entry from Matthew Brown? So we've had it since the beginning. Let us know if you want to continue with that shit, half assed, fucking dozen, fucking what? Three hours before we're due to start, they'll come in and research for three hours rather than his usual, what, twenty four hours or do you just want one? Beautiful diary entry from Matthew. You've got the workload. So you've done all the diary entries, all that work's done. I don't want them on there. I'm just going to say that. But I am thinking of the fans and it would allow a few more questions to get answered because we'll have more time. I will leave it. We'll leave it to the fans. Vance, do you want on this day to continue or do you want just the diary entry to take its place? Just for this season. Yeah, I can't deal with it. Things can come back. Well, you do a lot of diaries over a thousand I saw. So that's like it's a lot of episodes of a lot of, you know, and some I'll put some all together. You've got a book. You've got sex with me. Got your diary out there in the public for the world to see. Have sex with me, Matthew. Sex. Do you understand that, Matt? Sex. You little fucking freaky fucker. Huh? When you go search around the bathroom for some fucking loose hair, I actually just pulled out all my hair from my hairbrush. There you go. Is your little brown tingling now? It was there is weird shit in it. Like, it's like, I don't want to go into it. So it's best left alone. All right, next. Question time. I was fucked up in diary entry, Matthew. That was that was heavy shit. You swallowed a whole mouthful of hair. That's dangerous. Mind you, though, think about your dream girl. You'd probably do it. Boy, well, so I get it. He he's he's running his fantasy. Two years, like checking out one girl. Observing. I'd probably if I couldn't do anything after two years, I'd probably eat her hair, too. All right, so you two are the same. I'm getting it. I'm getting to the same. Maybe we need sympathize. Do you have a diary? Why don't we start? No, I actually cut mine up after this shit started happening. Oh, yeah. I actually picked up those scraps on. I've gone home. I put them in the fire. There's a fire. Oh, well, I've got some. Maybe we should contact Michael's mum. See if she has his high school diary. She is my diary. She's a fucking real person diary. She's seen some shit. You you got to breastfeed. Maybe you could have phone calls with my mother. You got to breastfeed on those those breasts. Your mother's breasts. I think I don't think I did. You got to suck on them. Yes, you did. You got to suck on your. No, that's not a thing in Germany. Germans don't breastfeed. Sorry. What do they do? Well, how do you grow warm water with salt? It sends fucking rain. But sounds true. Yeah. Milk. Yeah, dairy's no good, man. Yeah. All right, first questions from Kyle Andrews. Only included this one. We've never answered it already, but a lot of people keep asking is what is Tocca? Can you please explain again? Well, sorry, dude. I didn't mean to turn that off. Fuck, don't touch me. Tocca is a game invented by us. It puts together the sports soccer, tennis and volleyball. It's we're not going to explain the rules. There are far too many, but it's a fucking highly, highly controversial game. And it's changing the world. We started out with a group of six friends. It's grown to 12. OK, it's fucking addictive. We play it every week. And yes, we will start live streaming it soon. So for anyone wondering what it is, follow us on Instagram, turn on post notifications because we're going to start live streaming it. Maybe even this week. Tomorrow night, we play Tocca. So let's do it tomorrow night. Done. Whoa, they won't even know about this. So this when you hear it already happened. When you hear it, I was saying this. So why don't we just start live streaming next week then? Because they're not going to know next week. So next. So just fucking be Tuesday. It's Wednesday, Tuesday or Wednesday. It is Wednesdays now because Tuesdays are too late because fucking, fucking, fucking Greg. Fucking Greg. Yeah, next question is. In two seasons, we will go live on Instagram, Tocca. So Wednesday. Go. Next question is from Andreas. Hi. Can you guys take a little, would you guys take a laxative at the beginning of the podcast and hold it to the end or bust halfway through? We've done it. We've, we've, we've done. Laxative hours. Yeah, they literally take hours and they're not that effective. Like we took, what, three times a dose? I think no more than that. And it was like, it was an explosive shit when it happened. But like, I probably could have held it on for even longer. It was, it was just, it's just an annoying, uncomfortable pain. So the next question is from Bridgewater's finest. Question for the podcast. Of all the nut shots you guys have taken on camera, do you remember which one hurt the most? For some reason, I feel like it would be the exploding watermelon with the elastic bands. No, I got you one egg. Egg, yeah. There was a fucking egg that my threw and it literally hit just the ball perfectly. Bokkut! You know, you got half an hour until you can stand on those. Like they're so rough. His testicles, you were very sore, huh? And even after we stopped filming, like, because it was just for one of them prank compilation videos, I just ran out and pegged an egg at him, got him right in the dick. And then I just went inside and he was just out there moaning and rolling about for 15 minutes or so. Weren't you fry? Weren't you fry? Don't! Yuck, not so sensual with the fucking rub. Get it done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's better. Brush me off. Clean me. All right, next one. Next question is from Jack. Will you guys ever go back to doing pranks at universities, particularly acting paranoid and being followed and what type of stuff? Yeah, Julian noticed. Julian, how did Julian bring that up the other day? He went to UQ or something and saw the type of people there and was like, we need to film pranks at UQ. And we said, yeah, dude, we know, but we've got a lifetime ban from all of the universities. I'm pretty sure that's finished now. But like, I don't, even if it's not, I don't care anymore. We're going back to, we're going to start filming pranks at universities again. Because fucking, like worst case scenario, we get a trespassing fine. Public nuisance. It's, it's our house too. 100% it's our house, man. We all build that. Who to tickle in my throat? Yeah, I'm getting sick, man. I'm getting sick, everyone. Yeah, we're going home. We're going home soon. So yeah, expect them to return soon. Next question is from John Dandrea. You're cleaner. John. Yeah, John. Marty, are you still into cows because you haven't spoken about them in a while? Yeah, of course, I'm still very sexually attracted to cows, but look, honestly, the time at night where I'm usually out hunting and stalking has been used to sleep and rest at the moment. Like, I haven't, God. You haven't let a load off. I haven't, I haven't attacked in close to 10 weeks, I think. Yeah, well, it's a series. It's the series we're filming. And then before then was a big break as well. So this year it's really been very minimal, sort of. Ripping and... You're going to have to go stay at like an Airbnb farm stay soon. Maybe I'm healing mentally. The part of me that is... You don't reckon you could kill and fuck a cow again? Right now, of course I still could, but I'm just wondering why my blood thirsts for their beefy cum has stopped. Well, would you rather eat one right now or fuck it? Fuck it for sure. I don't care for meat. I don't care for steaks. Okay, well, fuck, man. You sound like you're still just the same you were. You just haven't had time to do it. So make time for it, mate. You're right. I'll do that. I'll go back to my hobby. Make time to mate with cow. Mate! Next question is from Brad Silver. When you guys go into extreme pain, so when you get hurt badly, do you instantly crave anything? He gives an example that he craves orange juice whenever he's in large amounts of pain. No, that's never happened. I can feel my body getting stressed when it's in a lot of pain. Like today, the armpit thing running around. Yeah, mate, literally for half an hour I was trying to sort out his armpit. That's rough. That's rough. Half an hour of just agonizing, fucking, like have a tag on your armpit hair. Just have a tag at home and just imagine someone saying to you, right, you got to rip all of your armpit hair out right now. And that's what it was for that half hour. Yeah, that sounds like shit. Because the skin in your armpit is very elastic. So it comes out a long way. Yeah. Like, I was pulling my fucking skin out a lot. Here you come. You can stretch it out. Yeah, you can stretch it out. That's not good. You want it taut and flat so it rips off easily. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, it was a rough day. Do you crave anything? Oh, I need to run. As soon as some pain happens. Yeah, enjoy the run. The running does help. The running, I've started doing, not as big a runs, but it takes your mind off it. And it's just like, it's like you're running away from the pain. Yeah. Because if you are still wherever your sensations, your nervous systems bring your sensations, your awareness to, that's going to be fucking multiplied by ringworm. But if you're moving, you're distracting yourself by running, your legs are moving, the impact of the ground. You've got more things to see because you're not just sitting down in that same spot. Distracts you. It's really. Distracts you from the pain. It's worth it, man. So like even, I've done it when with like, say, breakups or when my parents never got divorced. Well, sometimes after breakups, when, you know, the girl would come down to get up and I would sprint. Even I wouldn't even open the door. I'd go straight through the door and off he went into the fields. And he would run for days and days. As soon as the girl fucking breaks up with you. He just run until you're over it. Yeah, around in circles. And then you come back to meet her a week later and covered in sweat and you say, all right. Oh, she's already with another guy. Oh, I think he has to go around again. Off you go, mate. She's with another guy. Anyway, next question is from Juicy Fruit. If you were reborn another body and knew what you know now, would you prefer to date a girl who does or doesn't watch your fully actual? I always prefer to date someone who watches the fully actual. Well, she's going to find out who you are eventually. Yeah, if it's something serious, she's going to know anyway. Like, yeah. But yeah, I understand what you're saying. This podcast is like, like I pray to God that certain people in my life never, ever listen to any of these podcasts. And my mom mentioned she fucking. Oh, dude. Yeah, that is so hot that your mom is watching me. Oh, this is painful. Whatever this shit is on my mind. He woke up with it. He woke up with it. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Please tell me. Did that do it? Michael is is waxing his eyebrows right now. He's got some sort of substance on his face, some white sticky substance. Did that wax your eyebrows? Fucking let's just move on. No, it's still here there, mate. Wait, I'm worried now. Is there have we said something bad? Again, it's got our careers laying in your fucking head. Next question is from Jack M. Marty, how did you lure your girlfriend into a lair with my haircut? I had that that that old man haircut. That's crazy that I had that haircut when I would have been fucking. Oh, imagine having that on top of you. She was she was working at a cafe. I hadn't seen it for like seven years. I had a hat on. I gave her some money and then we went out and the rest is history. OK, I don't. Yeah, God, I'm I'm fucking razzled. Can't I razzled me? I don't know. It sounds good, though. Me next question. All that fucking shit, dude. Cut that talk about trying cancels all the cancel talk. Now come back. Leave that in the Michael saying cut all that because I was saying all the cancel talk. Yeah, that's good. I liked it. We're confusing Connor now. Come in now after all the cancel talk now. A lot of funny shit that was said that we just had to cut. Well, there's probably a lot of it that we haven't cut. It depends on Connor. We've said this, Connor. You know, if you if you think fuck it, let's do this. I'm standing right by your side and my hand is on your little curly hair. And I ran it through and I turn your head to me and I say a nod. And then you know what I mean? I'm just like, then what? Well, yeah, you know, I forcibly put myself on him. Holy fuck, what a fucking world. Sorry, Connor. Fuck. We better give him a message after this. Just give him a heads up that messy fucking dog shit that we got. We've gotten into ourselves and back to ourselves into a corner and turn into a cock fight. I'm going to leave that. All right, OK, next. Next question is from Holly Gray. Has any friends or family come over and played the recorder not knowing what it has been used for? No, I'm hoping for that to happen, though. That's it. Yeah, it sits here on the table. And every time someone comes in, well, we bought a new recorder. Can you play anything? Yeah, the first thing we say, especially to like all the little interns that come through. So many little, little interns that are very young. Question for the podcast from James McGinnis. Please. Oh, sorry. Would you ever do an episode where Marty acts like Michael and Michael acts like Marty? Wouldn't do a whole episode, but we can do an impersonation. Oh, what are you fucking doing? Don't touch me. Don't touch me. No. No. Yeah. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Oh, he's got more grumpy. Oh, you just it's too much. Just concentrate on the. Don't touch me. Josie. Very good. Everyone did well. And I had a good time. Oh, what would Matt's impersonation of Matt be? I watched her take a seat in the bathroom. How many times have you legends got arrested and spent the night in lock up? How many times can I'm out? You've got more than me, I think. You've got you've done lock up. I've done lock up overnight once, gone to lock up three times. And I've been arrested. Done lock up overnight twice. And and count AFL as well. Oh, yeah, I've been arrested twice, three times, I think, actually. I think I've been arrested four or five times and done lock up twice, including in France, the Paris brawl. Fuck yeah, I've been arrested like four times, lock up three times overnight twice. Like that's fully getting arrested and taken to the police station. So yeah, maybe like five, five or six times and two beautiful nights in lock up. Yeah, three or four times for me, two or three, one. I've had two nights overnight in lock up. By the way, I fucking love and all these comments that we're seeing, keep them coming. Michael and I go through and we fucking read them all. I was lying in bed last night having to read. If there's fucking there's some good shit in the comments, keep them coming. All right. We enjoy the support. Yeah, it's fucking we get more comments on the podcast now than we do most of the time on the main channel. That's fucked up. We've got like eight hundred and thirty K subscribers on the main and like 20 K on the YouTube. Same amount of comments. Maybe our main is just shit. Maybe because we work hard on the. That is so the Matthew into Gration. That is so true, Matthew. Next segment. Well, all right. And now we opened it to you guys last week and we wanted some suggestions for the hunt. And boy, oh, boy, do we get some, Matthew. Let's let's decide today what we're going to do for the OK. This is my suggestion. Now, I don't know if many people know this guy, but I think it's. I know it got me intrigued. Shut up, everyone, fuck off. You don't even look at me, man. I won't do that. Fuck it, look at me. Focus, focus, focus on my ear. It stinks. I had to push hard at the end. I could feel it. Failing. That's a strain on the trigger. That's a strain on the old heart. Why does it hurt your heart? I push as hard as I can, my Matthew, to build the more pressure, my Matthew, the more pressure, the tighter the results, the more interesting the sound, the more smiling I see. Oh, man, that really, really hurt. Look at his rope over his eye. Oh, shit, man. It's like having a cigarette after sex. I'm having a vape after fart. My fart art, my fart. Oh, fucking hell. Should I bang out the options given to us? Yes. All right, I'll be real quick and just see what happens. What floats our boat? All right, first one is from Kone, Gardner, I think Kone. The mark hunt for the hunt. Who is mark hunt? Mark hunt is the former UFC fighter, recently boxed Mark Paul Gallant. Yeah, and what could we get him to do, maybe? If we could get him to punch something. What about hunt something? Like a mouse in his house. Get him to fucking sprint off for a little fucking mouse in his house. Can't just fucking run around. Keep it in mind. We'll keep going. Sarah Irons suggested Woody and Kleinie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we talked to them on social media. We'll see if they're actually brothers video. Other one from Duff Lo. He said, try and get Roger Federer. Good luck. Lake McBogan suggested Dave Hughes because he's quite active on Instagram. Is he? Oh, easy. Apparently. Let's have a look. Two people sent that in saying that he was active. Dave Hughes. Yeah, keep going. Toad Flickr suggested Daniel Johns from Silverchair. Ask him if he's OK. I don't mind that one. If he's OK. He's quite active on social media, isn't he? Today, yesterday, three days ago, five days ago. All right. Fuck me. Huzi. All right, I'm going to follow him right now. Huzi's number one at the moment, I guess, then. As suggested, Nick Kiraos for the hunt. Al Pal suggested Chapelle Corby to prove her innocence, too. Oh, Chapelle Corby. I'm going to see what she's like. That's not a bad idea. And she's in the limelight. See if we can get it. We'll find out if her sister is really a car or a human. Or we could we could get it. Fucking Mercedes. We could get it. We could get it to smuggle drugs to us domestically. See if she can still do it. So yeah, are you good at drugs? Yes, she can. No, she can complete it. She got nowhere near that. But the Mercedes thing is always fucking. I never understood why the fuck they called a Mercedes. Because I thought it was a spell. No, I like no. We can't go to drugs. She will absolutely avoid that. I think you're right. Is your sister a car or a human? Because her name is Mercedes. Well, why did they call that if she's human? It's got to be a fucking car. Well, we don't know for sure that it's actually a sister. It could be a car. Yeah, I know. That's what I that's what we. Yeah, but is she what? So we could go to her and say, hey, can you let us know if your sister's a car? And then we wait for a video to her to say, no, she's not a car. We give that a go. Well, OK, let's do that as well as Dave Hughes. Something Hughes. Yeah, and then we got two going soon because that's probably going to fail. Yeah, I can't see Chappelle wanting anything to do with us. Dave Hughes also probably doesn't want anything to do with us. But, you know, although we did see him at a cafe once and you said hello. So he might remember you. Yeah. There are a couple of suggestions. I'll quickly get through them. Fly By Night suggested Get Boyd Corner to Face Swap with Marty. We have the same face. Who else I've got? Alpal suggests the Chappelle already. Dixon said you should try for either Maddie Johns or Fletch or Heiney. Heiney. Hindi. Oh, nice and fine, Marsh. Sorry. Cut that corner. The last one is from Marina, Chris Lilly. Chris Lilly, fuck, that would be awesome. Because he's a bit out of the limelight out of the moment because of he got canceled, but you can probably bring it back. He got fucking canceled. You know what I mean? He's a fucking genius and he got canceled. And we are not geniuses saying some outrageous things. But it's all good in the hood. Yeah, something like that. That should hold up in court. Your honor. I reckon it's out of Dave Hughes and Chappelle. Comment which one you reckon it should be. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and what should we do with Dave Hughes? Like you guys can come up with and even Chappelle Corby. What do you reckon we should do with her? There might be something better than finding out if it's just a car or a human. I might even comment on the Marty on the podcast when it comes out as Marty and Michael and write Dave or Chappelle and then whatever amount of comments. Oh, yeah, because you commented recently and there was a lot of traction from that. All right. So votes on that ringworm there. So look for that comment and then you can vote. All right, fuck me. It's at least we've got something a skeleton happening. Yeah, I'm glad Dave Hughes is on social media. That could be a good little in there. I don't know what we would do to him. Hughes, he loses it. Yeah, that's a bit old. Just ask Dave, is it Dave Hughes or is it David Hughes? Just ask him, is it Dave or David? Anyway, moving on next segment. And this is a segment where we read normal German phrases, man. Normal German phrases, very normal. And I speak them and I say them as if I'm speaking to a fellow German. Oh, before you start, one of our kind German audience members commented and said, he thinks sometimes you get the A and the A with the dots on top mixed up. Do you know what they mean? Yeah, that's a different sound. I don't think I was three when I left. I didn't really learn how to read or write. So it's quite, he said, other than that, you do well. All right. Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha. Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha. Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha, which means everything in butter, which means everything is OK. OK, OK, OK. Alice in butter means everything. Alice, Alice. Watch my tongue. Watch my fucking tongue when I say it. Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha. Let your tongue go to the back of your throat, almost scraping your tonsils. Alice in Buddha, Alice in Buddha. Buddha, Buddha. They just understand German. That's hard work. All right. Don't wreck Nicky's cards. You fucked me. No, I haven't. Oh. All right, next phrase. Cut all that silence, Connor, or bleep it, whichever you prefer. I have no idea what's happening at this stage. I have no idea what this podcast is anymore. That is the jumping point. That is the jumping point. Point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point. Point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point. Well, point, which means that is the jumping point, which means that's the point. Man, just say it. Oh, point is point. Point, you fucking freak. Watch my mouth. One, two, three. Point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point. Point, point, point, point, point. Fuck, last one. Jesus Christ. Fuck me. This is a tongue twister and a half. My little German. Here we go. Last one. Spiel nicht die beleidigte Leberwurst. That's sort of hot. Spiel nicht die beleidigte, beleistigte Leberwurst. Yeah, the ending ruins it. No, the ending is what saves it. Thank you. A delicious treat. Yeah, it sounds like liver. Leberwurst. Yeah, it's liver sausage. See, that's fucked up. Leber, it's delicious. Have a spread on some rye with mustard. What's it called? Leberwurst. So yeah, okay, you're winning me. Leber, Leberwurst. You're winning me over. Spiel nicht die beleidigte Leberwurst. Yeah, I could see that. That beleidigte is offended, and I don't know the word for offended. So I'm just trying to read that word, beleidigte. Which means don't play the offended liver sausage. Don't play the offended liver sausage. And which means don't be in a half. Don't be in a half. Don't be in a half. Does that say half? Don't be in a half, man. I think it's half. So if you want to tell someone, hey, don't be in a half when you're in Germany, you say Spiel nicht die beleidigte Leberwurst. What's that mean? What's it mean? Don't play the offended liver sausage. Why? Don't do it. Just don't fucking do it. Leave the offended liver sausage. Don't play with it. It's not even. It's sort of that's fucking really quite ironic with what's going on in the world at the moment. The offended Leberwurst. Go fucking leave him alone. Yeah, just leave the offended liver. Leberwurst. Leberwurst. Oh, Leberwurst. Yeah. It was really cute. I like Leberwurst. Leberwurst. I'm coming round to Germany a bit. We're up to P.O. Box. Oh, I forgot all about the P.O. Box. My smelly. It's on the floor there, I think. All right, next segment, we got the P.O. Box and when we open shit, do you fuckers have sent us? Here's our P.O. Box right there. Michael, it is. Two fight P.O. Box. Two five six. Tagam four zero one eight Queensland. So if you have anything you want to promote or you want to send some cool shit or some disgusting shit, we get sent common shit. Send it our way and we'll open it live on the podcast. Like this. What the fuck's this going to be? Hopefully it's not a used pad. Hold it up to the light. You can sort of see something's going on. Something's in there. Oh, it looks like drugs. Oh, actually, it feels a bit like a pill there. It's exciting. It's an exciting revelation. Should we say that one for last? No, open it right now. Very cool. I have here some horror shock pop eyes. I will now wear them. That's what we ordered. Yes, they're little glasses, right? Oh, this is good. This is a great present. Whoever sent this, thank you. Fucking thank you. I think I got sent an earring. A cheese earring. It's a slice of a cheese. I hate it. Oh, you look so cute. Yeah, he does, actually. I'm now wearing the eyes, the crazy eyes. Let me put my fucking headphones back on. There we go. Everything's ready. Oh. Everything's all complete. All right, no letters, nothing. Just some fucking, what do you get? Cheese. I got a cheese earring. Oh, yeah. There's shit so far, I hate this. This is pretty good. I don't mind it, honestly. I don't mind it at all. Okay, all right. That was shit. Yours was fucking shit, but I'm pretty sure it was the same person. So that person's like even. Yeah. It's like they said nothing. Oh. My deliver to Marty and Michael, AKA Bosley's slaves. So true. What do we got here, eh? We got a fucking little pillows. A gift for you. To Sir Bosley, who is truly the best. Nala, my dog, and I hope you're feeling better and can get back to helping from scientists with their research. From Jamie Lee and Nala. Well, fucking, that's for Bosley. He's going to tear this to pieces. Oh, he's going to love this. This will last like. That's so good. This will last 15 minutes. Thank you. Bosley will fucking love these. That's really nice. That's the best. That's the president of the day. Yeah, you can't go wrong with a present for Bosley. That was very beautiful. Having said that, send us some common shit, please. Ah, ah, I just put a little rubbish back in the science box and say it's Christmas over. Ah, don't. We should call that segment Christmas. I'm putting your hair in there. Yeah. And there's fucking, fucking here. No, don't, don't, don't. What, you want me to put my armpit hair in there? Yeah, I don't want it around me. Look at that. Look at how matted that is. Man. Put it on the podcast table. Yeah, right. Yeah, actually. On the cow somewhere. Put it on the tea there. So we're going to go straight to the fucking prank call. Right. And I'm going to fucking call. Do you want to try this guy first? Yeah, right. I'm sort of got my heart set on calling this therapist, actually. I might call them first. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to call a therapist here in Brisbane. And as soon as they answer, I'm going to start spilling out my problems to the receptionist. That's the joke. Ha ha ha. Yeah, so my name's Darren. And I've just been going through a bit of a rough patch. And I keep getting anxiety in that. And it stops me sleeping on that. And I was thinking the other day, I think it's because when I was younger and I saw a big car crash just right in front of me. And what happened was, this chick driving, she had like a couple of babies in the back seat and she like full, like just rear ended some other guy on a youth ride. And the babies, they were all right. Like they, they were fine after, but I think just like the shock of seeing the babies like shake around quickly, like in their seats, has just sort of like, it's just sort of like come up in my mind sometimes. And yeah, it's just made me feel like, like, like, I'll get like angry in that. Like I'll, I'll lash out and like the family dog and that. And like, I'll do lots of drawing and that. And I've been drawing like, like just not nice things. Like I've been tempted to draw like fire and like there's like, what'd I do the other day? I did like, was it like a, yeah, like a naked lady ride and she had like a cancer on her and that. So just not nice stuff. Do you know what I mean? So I was just wondering, like if you use can help me with that. Darren Thompson. And like, yeah, like there's been other stuff too. Like, obviously, like I've been, you know, doing drugs and that on and off through like me twenties and sort of late twenties there. But I was used to be fine. Like I pull up next day and be like sweet, you know, buddy back on it. But these days it's like, it's like I'll have like a couple of bottles of like Jim Bam or something. And then the next day I'm like, it's just fucking, I'm just in fucking pain. Like it's just bloody like torture. You know what I mean? Like, and it never used to be like that. So I'm saying like, I think like that, that, that chick re-rendering that car with her kids in the back is like starting to like come out or something. You know what I mean? Like it's just, I can't explain it proper. You know what I mean? Yeah. What was your date of birth? Yes, I'm a date of birth thirteenth of the ninth. 1987. So my email is darren.tomsen. THOMPSON. O-M-P-S-O-N. Yeah, that's it, mate. Yeah. Underscore 69. Underscore legend. L-E-G-L-E-N-D. Yeah. At hotmail.com. Yeah, show my mobile number 040042169. 69. Oh, I don't know if it's like, like addiction and that, but like, I do like to get on it, you know what I mean? Like come Friday, Friday night, Saturday night, like I'm usually on it, but like I'm not like, I'm not like dying for it, you know what I mean? But it's just hard to get up in the morning's net. Like I'll get on it. Then next day I'm like, bloody like fucking like, just lying flat and that feeling sick. You know, I'll have like, you know, I'll feel like nauseous on that. Like, and I've just had like, you know, a bottle of Jim Beam, whatever, but like I used to get through them, no worries at all, but I think cause I'm like suppressing that, that where I witnessed that car accident, and those kids were like full like, like shaken, you know, like they were like massive whiplash. Like what they're little, one was like, like maybe a year old and it's just little heads just went like pop. It's fucking like, it's fucking crazy to see. It's crazy. They're fine, they're completely fine. Like not a scratch on them and that, but like, it's just like, it's just shocking. You don't plan to see your baby's head move like that. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just not in your mind. And then when you see it, it's like, fucking hell, like, geez, it's fucking intense. You know what I mean? Two. Do you have some available next Wednesday? He's got an 8.30 or an 11 AM. What about you? What times do you available darling? Cause I feel like, like, I don't know like, I'm not like weird old nothing, but I feel like we've got a bit of a connection going and I wouldn't mind maybe just sitting down having a chat with you and sort of just laying all my cards out on the table and telling you all about like my childhood and that, which wasn't too bad. I'll be honest with you. It wasn't my childhood. Not too bad. Two very loving parents. One of them was a priest, right? One was a nurse. Like four went to like public school on that. Like had a pretty good life, you know? So other than that car crash, there's not too much I can think of. Well, I'm just a reset psychologist. Did I call the wrong number? Did I? I thought I called the psychologist in the city there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. So I can book in with one other. So, so you aren't available. You can't, you can't do any of the interrogations. No, I can take the phone to the phone. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Next Wednesday. All right. Well, like, what do you reckon like, what do you reckon they're gonna say like when I tell them this? Cause like, I don't wanna like book in and then have them say like, oh, there's nothing wrong with you, mate. Like, hard enough or something. No, they wouldn't say that. Or maybe like, I'll sink and like, what if I go like, just hang out with other babies? Like if I go like maybe daycare center or something, just be around them again. Like Sam, Sam, when their heads aren't doing that, like that flick thing that it did and just be around them and just, and like, and just hold one maybe, like I could hold one and like just like, cradle it and that. Just to show me like that their heads don't always move like that, you know? It's real sick. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Anyway, no, no, I never, I've never seen Dr. Nothin' about it. Nothin' like that. I only just bloody Googled it two minutes ago. Here we are, bro. Two. Okay. All right. Fuck that. I gotta go. $250 fucking dollars? They are scamming, Mr. Thompson. How dare you? I'm gonna take your goggles off me. I can't go in there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. He was out of such good shit. But it was so... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You got trauma from babies flicking around. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh my God, dude. Thank you. Thank you very much. We really are pieces of shit. I hope the phone was on private. But we are pieces of shit that are the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. It's great. We're the best, everyone. We're the fucking best, man. And that's the end of that chapter. Oh, I think it is fucking good, dude. Very good.