 Oftentimes, I hear women asking whether it's me out in the social media world, where do I meet quality men? Where are all the quality men? I think before we dive into that question, I think it's important to identify what is quality? Now, I think a lot of people associate quality as being financially, for women towards men, is this man financially successful? And he provides resources in our relationship. And does he have the status to be in relationship with me? By the way, I'm saying this as a generalization, I'm not stating this as a fact. And with respect to men, I think men view quality based on a woman's attractiveness. In fact, quite frankly, I think women do the same thing too. The more attractive the person, the better quality they are as a person. So we associate financial success and physical beauty or physical attractiveness associated with quality. This is one of the reasons why it's frustrating because the reality is, especially for those of us in midlife, the reality is as we age, we don't look as good as we did in our 20s or in our 30s, number one. And the reality is that we're dealing with today is here in the United States, roughly 80% of the population makes less than $100,000 a year of income. So this idea of looking for that high status man, that high quality man that makes over a quarter million dollars a year, well, that represents probably 2% of the population overall. OK. So coming back to what is quality? I don't believe quality is based on someone's attractiveness, nor do I believe quality is based on someone's ability to generate resources. Now those are good things to have, certainly, but the reality is is most people are rather average looking and average isn't bad. And for the most part, people can take care of themselves financially and just remember from a financial perspective, two incomes are better than one. So when I think of quality, I think of does this person's actions match their words consistently? That's the representation of a quality person and a quality, all quality men have this in common. In addition, quality men tend to have a victor mentality and not a victim mentality. People that are operating from victim mentality, operating from blame, whether this is a man or a woman, isn't really establishing themselves within their self-confidence within themselves because they blame others, OK? Now one of the most common qualities or common traits or things that quality men have in common is they have good communication skills. The reality is these days in relationships, there's going to be conflict. So what I say is quality men have that ability to do what's called fighting fair is what I say. And that is they can listen to their partner's point of view on something, acknowledge their partner's point of view on it. And while they might disagree, they still validate their partner's point of view instead of operating from a place of I'm right and you're wrong. I repeat that they're not operating from a place of I'm right and you're wrong. And by the way, this goes for both, you know, both people in the relationship is having good skills to resolve conflicts in a relationship. That's probably one of the most important things every relationship needs is good conflict resolution skills. Listen, I'm not suggesting all brawl, you know, who drag down fights, you know, in a relationship because the most good relationships tend to get along well. But there's going to be differences in having good communication skills, being able to articulate your point of view that where you can be seen, heard and understood, quality men and women can both do that. And ladies, I know you think that you are good communicators. And just because you have a capacity to maybe vomit information as if that's genuine communication, that is the furthest thing from the truth. I've shared this once before in a video, actually several times, I had a client come to me and say, Jonathan, I need more commitment out of the man I'm in relationship with. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I need more commitment from this man I'm in relationship with you. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I need more commitment from this man I'm in relationship with as if because she was saying it louder, I'm somehow to defer what she really meant by that. So again, women can be equally bad at communication as men. Now another factor that quality men have in common is they have a level of empathy. Now, empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is also I care about your feelings as well as I care about my own feelings. In other words, I put your feelings at an equal level of my own feelings because I genuinely care about you in my relationship. And by doing so, this demonstrates a level of trust within this relationship when you can actually say my partner's best interests are in my best interest. Their feelings matter to me. And quality men have this in common. Now, I'm going to say I don't like the term quality, but it's just I'm going to say, you know, I know sometimes it's called high value men and such. Again, I'm just talking about human beings who have a capacity to lean into a healthier, happier relationship have this in common. And another thing they have in common is a level of transparency, transparency. What I mean to say, if something is material to the relationship, they bring it up. In other words, if there's a concern about the relationship, they bring it up. If there's a reservation they have a relationship, they bring it up. Transparency, if it's material to the relationship. Listen, we don't have to say everything to our partner. You know, sometimes sharing every little detail in your life can be overwhelming. If it's going to affect the relationship, a quality man is going to bring this up. He's going to want to talk to you about it, not from a place of ending the relationship, but finding that place of mutual agreement. You know, a successful relationship is probably going to have 20% of the time they're going to have frustrations and 80% of the time it's going to be probably running on smooth, smooth what? It's going to run smoothly. Part of that is because they come up with agreements when there's a difference in the way of looking at something in relationship. They come in with agreements. But more importantly, they come at it with an attitude of how can we mutually win together? You know, another thing I think quality men and women have a like is they have a temperament that is mostly agreeable. You know, I know agreeableness is associated with women because that's feminine energy to be agreeable and masculine energy is doing and conquering and being in charge all the time. Now, doing and conquering and being in charge all the time can actually lead a human being to have bad behavior in relationship. And a man, quality man recognizes a relationship as a two-lane street is a give and take. And you know what? It's also not just being agreeable but at the same time not sweating the small stuff. Do you know how many couples make a mountain out of a molehill? Because the deeper issue that lies underneath is there's probably a lack of compatibility. This is why in my private coaching I always stress the importance of vetting the person, do a better job of screening, filtering out. Do you share the same values with one another? Are your lifestyles blendable with each other? And as I just discussed, everything I've talked about right now is all centered around emotional maturity. Now, the reality is we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. There are human beings hurting out there because they have unresolved childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have gone unhealed. And what happens when people are out in the dating realm, they're seeking that companionship, they're seeking that connection, they're seeking that sex, but they have unhealed wounds. It makes it difficult for them to lay the foundation to actually commit to another person. And one of the fears men have is making the wrong choice. So they'll accept someone temporarily. And this is sad. This will happen. Men will accept someone temporarily as a placeholder while they heal. In fact, dating today has quite frankly just become a string of what I say. It's just a long out version of friends with benefits with some minor therapy along the way. Men are, on some level, you ladies are beautiful human beings. You have this nurturing sign. You'll listen to us that are in pain. But at the same time, it's not your job to heal men in pain. And what happens when a man is with a woman that's in a temporary capacity, he'll take advantage of her healing him. And the minute he feels healed, he wants to be a bright, shiny penny to someone new. I shot a video recently about men using women. You're going to want to check that out. Because sadly, I don't believe it's an intentional using of a woman. It's a byproduct of unhealed wounds and traumas. And this isn't making excuses for men. Women do the same thing. They enter into a relationship. They're unhealed. And maybe they don't have a good communication skills. And so they're seeking that temporary validation, that connection, and they're equally not in the capacity to be in a relationship. So how do we resolve all this? How do we move past all this? I'm a big proponent. Let me pull out. Where's my book? My book, What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. Do inner work first so you can be really better prepared to be in a relationship. Read the books I talk about, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I Hear You by Michael Sorenson. Do the Hoffman process. All the books I recommend are listed in the description below. Do all this work. And then your real goal going forward is learning how to screen for compatibility. And while we all believe attraction, physical attraction, chemistry, equals relationship success, I can tell you real relationship success comes when you share the same values. Your lifestyles are blendable with one another. And those of us in midlife, this is way more complicated than someone that's in their 20s and 30s who isn't raising children. And they're just getting started in their life. You know, it's more complicated for us in midlife is to blend lives together. One of the primary relationships the reason why relationships don't succeed is because their lifestyles are not blendable. Many of you are approaching men or not approaching men. You're engaging in long distance relationships, having a cyber relationship with someone. Oh my God, I can't believe how many women are in cyber relationships. Meaning, and by the way, long distance could be an hour away or a plane ride away, but you're engaging in cyber relationships where all you're doing is communicating with one another via the phone. A lot of that is just pseudo therapy in my opinion where they're feeding off of your energy and that's not going to go anywhere. A real relationship requires doing social activities, doing hobbies, doing mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together to see how you operate together. You know, the reality is is we really don't know anyone until we actually live with them and traveling is kind of at least a peek in the window of whether or not you can get along with one another. So blending lives together is critically important. Asking better questions before you engage in a cyber relationship will behoove you and last and most important is this person an emotional grownup to be in relationship with me. That's a hard thing to decipher. By the way, if you're not familiar with the work of the Gottmans, John and Julie Gottman, read the book Eight Dates to give you a blueprint to determine, you know, it gives you a blueprint of what a quality relationship looks like. So don't assume quality men know this. Again, quality men, what they have in common, they have good communication skills. They genuinely care about you. They have an agreeable personality and also they have a level of generosity and kindness associated with them because they have Victor consciousness and not victim consciousness and don't feel like they're being blamed. They don't have to blame everyone. And then as I said earlier, their actions consistently match their words. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. If it does post a comment below, I'd like to hear your thoughts. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm actually to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear. Give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye bye now.