 Today we're going to talk about men who are ready to commit seek women who have this now when I talk about Men who are ready to commit. Let's really sit down with that for a moment because I would venture to say Particularly in the over 40 category for those of you are dating the vast majority of men are Unable to commit unwilling to commit don't have a desire to commit don't have a desire to get remarried So you are swimming in a very dysfunctional pool of human beings that let me just say this This isn't singular to men. This functionality is both men and women But what men seek those emotionally available men if you're seeking a motion available man He's seeking this type of woman. Now. I just want to share with you I actually was briefly watching a Matthew Hussey video this morning and that's where I got the idea for the content So I want to give him his props and say he talked about being happy enough happy enough Now when I heard that happy enough it reminded me of the work I did when I created my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Because self-love isn't a destination being happy isn't a destination. So when he Was speaking about happy enough It got me thinking about self-love and self-love isn't about a destination. It isn't a place you reach It's something you aspire to Particularly it's something that you work on yourself every day Now I want to read something for you all because as I as I prepared for this I wrote a note to myself But I didn't memorize it and I said happiness isn't a destination It's a state of being knowing that it fluctuates Being happy enough means not giving your power away to another for your happiness Self-love means not giving your power away meaning making the other person responsible for your your feelings Making the other person responsible for your feelings And it self-love means you can you can Feel love from another human being at the same time You're not dependent on that person loving you for you to feel good about yourself Self-love means you can speak your truth self-love means you can set boundaries And self-love means you're a giver and you're capable of receiving at the same time So coming back to the notion that men who are emotionally ready for relationships seek women who are happy enough What I'm really talking about is that we seek women who aren't dependent upon us loving them for their happiness And yet sadly here in the united states in particular We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself I need you to text me in the morning and I need you text me in the evening so I can feel good about myself I need you to have constant contact with me. So I know you're not going to disappear and leave me See the problem with relationships today is that we are in a dysfunctional dating pool And how and I was been thinking about this given how radically dysfunctional human beings are how can we hold any bit of hope Of actually attracting a good partner in our life Well, it occurs to me that dysfunctional people attract dysfunctional people See, there's this delusion most people have that they are not dysfunctional. It's just everybody else It's everybody else's problem And the problem with this is that we are being fed a narrative over and over and over again I want you to think of most of the relationship content out there for those of you seeking advice hyperfocuses on narcissism it fight hyperfocuses on avoidance it hyperfocuses on Um, what else did I write down hyper focuses on men who are wimps or men who are simps There's so much content out there that it's feeding you this unhealthy narrative And what happens is many of you continually make poor choices for yourself And you think that the men or the problem by the way men are doing the same thing They're making poor choices and they're blaming women for the problem because the real issue is most human beings Don't do enough inner work To actually be prepared for a healthy happy relationship and most human beings Have such poor emotional maturity and poor relationship skills at the minute. They're inner relationship. It turns into a fiasco And I think part of the problem resides In a lack of intentionality a lack of intentionality Men don't have to be intentional anymore. The fact the matter is it was within three dates a man can have sex with a woman And basically from that point forward, he doesn't have to make any sort of commitment. He might passively Agree to monogamy. He might passively agree to exclusivity But Because there's a lack of intentionality because it is so easy to get the most coveted prize that used to be Come with marriage and that was physical and sexual exclusivity That was the coveted prize for thousands of thousands of years now to some degree. That's not a true Representation because the fact the matter is wealthy people had mistresses and wealthy people in back and olden times had concubines and that sort of thing. So to some degree that narrative isn't exactly Hold water except for the fact is back in the olden days. Everybody knew the score Back in the olden days There was a consequence for having sex with someone you weren't married to and quite frankly Do you do you guys ever watch game of thrones or any of those shows they talk about bastard children and such? See it wasn't there was a consequence for having You know sex out of wedlock now. There's no consequence for having sex Because a because of birth control. There's no consequence for having sex but b There's no covenant of a marriage. There's no covenant of real commitment to one another And so these days we see such a plethora of human beings not being intentional in the process And it's no wonder it's a dysfunctional dating world out there now Thankfully, and I'm grateful I'm in a business where I get to help women fix their biggest problem on all and that is most of you Have a broken picker you just don't know how to pick well And most of the time you're picking with your ego and not from a heart-centered place and you've been fed so much information so much confusing information that you continually make poor choice after poor choice after poor choice And it's no wonder you're frustrated And it's no wonder you've given your power away I think women sadly naturally give their power away because we've been indoctrinated think about this for a second It is the men that do the asking for marriage Why do women always say where does this where is this relationship going? It's literally saying here mister You're in charge of my relationship destiny. Okay, because you know where the relationship is going We literally ladies you almost inherently Expect men to be the leaders of the relationship And then you're wondering months if not years into the relationship that you have no sense of Understanding of where this relationship is going and so When you're happy enough You don't settle for mediocrity When you're happy enough when you love yourself and you're continually loving yourself You don't settle for a mediocre relationship And if you've settled for a mediocre relationship, then you're just as dysfunctional as the person who's delivering The mediocre relationship. I gotta tell you so many women have duct tape over their mouth They don't speak up. They don't speak their truth for fear That the guy's gonna leave them that this mediocre relationship is going to leave you It fascinates me how many women are are holding on so tight to a mediocre relationship to a bread From relationship to a situation ship. They hold on so tight But jonathan i have this amazing chemistry with him Yeah, you have sex. That's probably good. Okay, I get it And he's and again He hasn't maybe has a full head of hair or whatever it is that you you think that you won't get with the next generation of guy I'm not generation, but the next person out there That you're literally hung up on this fear-based way of dating and if you're a fear-based way of data, you are dysfunctional This is why I continually recommend book after book including my book Why do I recommend my coaching? By the way, if you need some support check out the link below to a schedule a discovery call with me See if working with a coach is right for you because the women remember I said How do you hold hope in a dysfunctional world? It's improving your picking process if you don't unpick If if you don't improve your picker your chances for success drop to minuscule percentages my clients Achieve a higher degree of success because they've done the work to learn how to pit but more importantly They've done the inner work I highly recommend read everybody reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas So you can be better prepared for a relationship and I would also read this book Um, I haven't talked about this book in a while How to be an adult in a relationship? Many of you don't operate as adults I'm laughing because I because believe me I'm laughing at myself because I always thought I didn't need help. I always thought I'm not dysfunctional even though I was an absolute train wreck after my divorce It's easy to look backward now and go. Oh my god 15 years ago. I was such a train wreck I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I was a serial dator Actually helped me get into the profession. I'm in so I'm kind of grateful for those dysfunctional experiences But you see I was just as delusional as you until I actually started to do some deep inner work on myself And I recognize that you know, I had an anxious attachment style I recognize that I would choose women who were just like my mother I recognize that and and even in my latest relationship I still was driven by some of my wounds and thankfully I experienced what feels like the healthiest experience in my life While it didn't work out That's okay, too because the reality is is juicy delicious healthy relationships are rather rare They're really only available to those who have done the work And what I mean by the work is you are happy enough that you're not giving your power away to another human being because that Is what emotionally healthy men want is a woman who doesn't make him Responsible for her feelings that doesn't mean that we aren't going to care about your feelings That doesn't mean we're not going to respect your feelings That doesn't mean we're not going to cherish your feelings But your happiness isn't predicated on us And if I bring this full circle Happy enough the way I view what Matthew Hussey was saying or self-love Is is an ongoing journey It's an ongoing journey. It isn't a destination It just simply means that you don't give your power away to another human being Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel And also if you're watching the replay post comments below, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this And just remember this It is tough out there There's no doubt about it It can put you in a position of where you've given up And I know many of you have given up on this process. Many of you are fearful For finding a partner out there. Many of you believe that I would just rather be single Than put myself out there I don't think we're meant to do this journey alone I don't believe we're meant to do this journey alone. I belong alone I really do believe that there is a person out there That can meet you where you want to be met I Think of myself, you know, I think of the three most significant relationships. I've had in my life and I had a marriage And when I was in my marriage, I wasn't a conscious human being I wasn't a very conscious human being. I was operating by programming I was operating from the premise of being that provider protector that my job was simply about making money To take care of the family. I was driven by that and I was not a good Good husband I was on a mediocre father at that period in my life and after getting, you know, losing my High-end corporate job and then getting wiped out in the market crash of 2008 and nine As I said earlier, I was a train wreck and I was using drugs and alcohol as self medication Just to get through the day And I started to do a little bit of work. I started to watch the movie the secret I began doing I does anyone remember metaphysics that's I did that well before I got married and I abandoned that In my marriage. I wish I continued with that. I would be in such better place today So by the time my second relationship rolled around my most significant relationship I was such a mess And she's a beautiful person. She accepted me in my dysfunctionality And what I realized I was in a relationship with a woman 10 years older than me. She was a therapist and actually She was helping me unbeknownst to me as reparent me Why i'm saying this is a lot of men choose women that are helping them reparent them after divorce So there is a lot of dysfunctional men out there. No different than I was And I was in need of reparenting and that's what happens I use the term reparenting because literally when my life was at the lowest point. I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up And I actually went to my parents for support and this person was similar to that in that she helped me get out of my funk And as the years went on I began to learn to appreciate being on my own But there was another missing piece until this recent relationship and that was Am I really ready to take care of someone see I didn't know this going into it, but I experienced this in the relationship When I was younger I was looking for a wife and the mother of my children when I was younger And after my divorce I reverted back to childhood which happens to a significant amount of men. That's why I needed reparenting But I wasn't ready and prepared Until this this experience and I now am so clear as to why this happened for me Because if you want to be in a significant relationship in midlife Or are at any age For a man in particular You have to want to be a husband You have to want to be a boyfriend. You want to have you want to have to be you have want to have to be a partner You have to want it. You have to start not looking for the other person Like I when I was in my 20th was I was looking for a wife and the mother of my children But I wasn't prepared to be a husband And I certainly wasn't ready for it when I was in my train wreck phase And it wasn't until recently that I got to experience this and now it's so clear to me See my next evolution starts with I want to be a husband. That means I want to be a partner to someone Whether it's a spiritual marriage or a legal marriage, whatever it is The point is I have to want that instead of looking I have to I have to want to be What I want from someone else. I want a woman who wants to be a wife because I'm heterosexual So I want a woman who wants to be a wife because I want to be a husband And this piggybacks off of the video I did with rabbi man is freedom Freeman, excuse me I really I'm really recognizing unless a man steps See a man is ready to commit when he says I want to be a husband when I want to be a partner When we can show up as a giver But and only with another human beings who a giver because there are a lot of women go. Oh, I hear that I want him. I want a husband. I want a husband, but they're not necessarily a giver. They're a taker See, we have a lot of takers out there and to be in a healthy happy relationship Both people have to be givers and receivers for it to actually work And now I have this awareness. I went through this experience really stepping into what does it mean To be a partner. How do I show up? That means you do the chores together And maybe you take turns at things or maybe one person does one thing and another person does another thing It means being teammates with one another. It means finding the shared Uh activities that you want to do together. It's not about always, you know, having a it's not I mean, it's okay to have a relationship with your friends and go golf and do all those things But you you invest in the relationship as a partnership and most importantly to be a good husband And to be a good wife you both have to develop Intimacy and I don't mean physical intimacy and that is critically important to have regular physical intimacy together But more importantly emotional intimacy. You have to be to be a good husband You have to be willing to be vulnerable to be authentic and to be transparent And if you're not familiar with the book emotional intimacy by robert masters I highly recommend you check this out Many of you women say you want emotional intimacy, but you don't have any clue what it looks like read this book So you can be better prepared You know, I had a client reach out to me today And one of the things uh, one of the exercises I have is something called radical honesty for my clients And I always tell them to do what's called radical honesty laying your cards on the table and establish the rules of engagement early on Okay, with that said The man she's with is loving it. He she's got his lot her She literally has pages and pages of questions and and things to talk about and he's like Wow, you just made it easy for us. I didn't have any clue at this See ladies when you actually make it easy for us, man, we can follow You just have to be willing to serve it up And again, you're dealing with a dysfunctional pool So you want to eliminate those men who are incapable sooner rather than later And if you need some help with that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is Right for you Okay, to bring it back full circle men ready to commit seek women who have this Okay, emotionally mature men want a woman who doesn't make her happiness Predicated on him. She doesn't make her feelings predicated on him The minute you give your power away to another human being that's going to turn off that emotionally mature men But then again, since most of you are only dating dysfunctional people because you're dysfunctional as well Go have at it and have dysfunctional experiences. But hopefully What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Hopefully you all wake up To loving yourself so you can have a different experience going forward. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell and if you're watching the replay Post a comment. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this all right Those who know my format know it's time for q&a. Okay If you have a question for me I want you to in the little chat box write the word question and post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley That's him in the obey shirt It's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process insight institute and seeds of love All right, uh, and by the way a little special note uh a hummingbird came into my living or my Dining room this morning through the sliding glass door And it was uh, it was actually looking at some soap, uh flowers And it was just looking at me And I realized Conor came in to say hi and let me know everything is going to be okay So I thought I'd share that with you all that I had a very special treat today for my son All right folks, uh If you have a question for me write the word question and then post the question there after Also, if you want to join me on the live stream, you can click the button and join me live Last week we had Rachel on and she shared something very personal Um, and I hope we gave her some good insight into how to approach the situation she's in Hey Sharon gave us a little love with the six dollar and ninety nine cents super sticker. Thank you so much Uh, we appreciate the love all right Let's see. I thought I saw a question in there earlier. Let's see if I can find it Um Bear with me everyone. It was way earlier I know I saw a question came in I know a lot of conversation is going All right, here we go corny cob is in the house What are your thoughts on henry and megan? Do you think they have a healthy relationship? you know folks Just like many of you speculated on my relationship because the two of us were public um, the the challenge with With looking through a microscope Is you have no real idea what happens behind closed doors? I have no idea what happens behind closed doors I will say this I would think that being uh married to um Someone of the monarchy of the uh, english British monarchy has to be incredibly challenging for any human being I think it had to be incredibly challenging to be the son uh of a princess that was The son of princess diana for a variety of different reasons mainly because I don't believe her husband Really loved her. Uh, I don't believe that they had a healthy relationship. So we never got to see a a healthy relationship I think they were a bunch of uptight You know aristocratic people in the in in buckingham palace and I had to I have to think for henry that had to be a nightmare I also think losing your mother at a young age had to be a nightmare So that poor guy has gone through a shit load of fucking trauma And I know she has her own trauma. I believe her father wasn't in her life much or something like that I don't know the particulars and so you know And and for many of you you got to see a little window in my relationship and and many of you made a lot of Predictions that you might think have come true a lot of you made suppositions May a lot of you made assumptions But you have no idea what happened behind closed doors just like I have no idea what happened behind closed doors with them I pray simply that they have a good relationship I I pray because I say pray, you know, they have two children and I hope they do their best to parent and it quite frankly I think I believe they've escaped the limelight and I think that's a smart thing to do and I've recognized now I will raise my hand. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to introduce Her to the channel But I did it because you know what it was something I wanted to do. I wanted to have fun I wanted someone to play with in this so I don't actually have regrets I mean, maybe some people judged us for it But I'm I think I think marie offers some really great advice on occasion and and yes She wasn't Physically as emotive as I am and yes, she struggled sometimes in her communication or whatnot. Every human is different I have no regrets over this relationship. Many of you reached out jonathan if you need to talk I'm here to talk to you. I'm like I'm doing fine because I When a relationship ends I always tell my clients to answer these four questions What positive things about yourself? Did you learn in this relationship? I learned I could be I could actually choose to be a husband What did I heal from this relationship? I healed my anxious attachment through this experience What was good? Oh my god. We got to travel to south america a couple times went through the mexican riviera We we did a lot of fun things together. We were intimate a lot, which was fun And what am I most grateful for? I'm grateful that she is a really good human being and while she has to go on her own path now I I wish her the best. I really do. She is a beautiful Kind loving human being. She's not perfect She's riddled with flaws and she recognizes that she needs to work on herself and she asks for that Not that space, but she you know, we we hit a fork In the road and it was time to move on and that's okay See we get so hung up on the destination that we forget that it's all about the ride Because if I learn one thing after my son passed away Folks, what if Marie Had what if I died the day before we decided to split up? I would have had I would have thought I lived the best life up until this point You got to recognize that it's not, you know, if you got to live each day to its fullest otherwise Because tomorrow is not promised Anyways, I can go on and on and on that's my opinion on harry and megan, okay Hey, I want to give props to Minnesota girl and she says you don't need to apologize and thanks for all you do. I appreciate that I'll post that up in a second when I get there All right, what signs do men give when they want a real loving lady? Um I think consistency Intentionality and consistency is the main thing in other words. They're very vocal about wanting a significant relationship That's the intentional part and they're consistent along the way. That's what a man does when he Feels like if when a man is ready to commit when a man wants to be a husband, that's how he operates jane I hope that helps you Margaret is in the house. She goes loving sex are no longer connected today. What effects does that have on relationships? Was loving sex ever really connected? Um, you know, that's another fantasy. I believe I think men listen I don't think men have changed much in 200,000 years I mean, you know if men had their way by the way men have their way today because of these devices Because you women will sleep with men so easily. I mean back when I was in my 20s I had to beg to get laid now. It's like shoot you go on a dating app and three dates later after a couple Drinks. I mean women are pretty easy You know, so sex is a rather easy thing to get you don't have to go to prostitutes You just go on a couple dating apps and most I mean if a guy has a little bit of game You know, it isn't going to be a problem. So you don't have to have loving sex That's sad How do we turn this around that would be a good question? Well, maybe ladies set a higher standard for yourself and be as I said in the beginning of this broadcast happy enough So you're not dependent upon a man for your happiness. That would be a way to turn it around Margaret All right. Hope that helps. Joni says I love that. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, let's keep going Let's see Uh susan you said for me way up post. Uh, by the way folks, you're gonna have to repeat posts. It's hard to find United heart film. Oh, I wonder what that is united heart film company How do you know when it's time to move on in a new relationship? I think your feelings are actually your best barometer. The problem is your feelings can confuse you stacy I'll be on in a second. I see you in the box there. Okay Um, I think your feelings are your barometer If it feels good Then things are good When it stops feeling good when you start to act suspicious when you start Doubting that's the time to check in with each other and have a real heart to heart relationship should do Daily weekly check-ins with each other. Okay, so folks, there's a you there's a me and then there's a we up here Okay, they're all you know circles, right? The we is a separate entity you have it's like I want you to think of a partnership at a law firm and accounting firm at brokerage firm Partners get together weekly for meetings to talk about the health of the partnership Relationships should do the same thing. I highly recommend checking out this book It's a business book called the partnership charter how to start out right with your new business partnership Relationships are no different. You can literally mirror on just the word the the partnership charter how to start out right with your new romantic relationship And use the principles in here If you don't know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship, then how can you hope to have a success? This is why I recommend book after book, but Jonathan all you do is recommend books I'm like because for 15 20 bucks. You can get a plethora of knowledge. I buy a book every month I just bought a book called wired for love. I want to hear um, uh, stan turkens Perspective on love attachment styles. In fact, I hope to interview them. So anyway get books They make a difference. All right stacey's in the house Hello, jonathan. Hello How you doing? You're on the hot seat. Are you gonna? I am gonna be okay with the hot seat. All right. Let's see You know, I give love My adrenaline is going feels good Uh, you got a great smile Thank you My question is should someone date if they are homeless? I Do you live in your car? Yes, I do. Okay, so Well, first off, can I give you a bit? I want to date me and I have not dated men in a long time and um, I am recently homeless three months now and I'm turning down men because I am homeless But I'm missing out on opportunities because I was dating and I want to find the one So should I should someone date when they're homeless? So Well, first off, I just want to give you a big gigantic hug of my it's sad whenever I see a homeless person In particular the ones who are literally living in tents on the street. So um, Bless that you have a roof over your head. Okay. Now there are people Well, so are you homeless or are you? I mean, there's a different way of looking at because I know people that buy vans and travel around and live in a van And that sort of thing that's that's a different. So I want to understand something Are you homeless from a place of destitute or a place of choice? A place out of choice. I have dealing with parental alien nation and I have lost my daughter And so I feel I don't want to um, that was three years ago and um I Moved out of my home and I want to find a new home that I love Well, let me let me interrupt you. Nice thing. So I'm saving money for a night. I want to be clear You're living in your car not out of destitute out of choice Is that a choice for one for I plan for one year so I can save a lot of money Okay, okay. So you are making a choice now The question is I would think the question is how are men going to react to that? I would venture to say that most men Particularly established men would probably I'm just speculating here possibly have an issue with it now They're not going to have an issue at it Initially because you're an attractive woman and they're going to want to have sex So that may not be initially a problem for them. In fact, some men might say they might even act that they might embrace it However, I suspect most men today On at least on a on an unconscious level would have a problem with it Without unless you Explain the backstory. That's the most important piece now saying you lost your daughter That would create some red flags within someone and whether it's parent alienation or not there's always a story and sometimes that story is rooted in a truth That um that may not the person delivering it may not be aware of okay And I don't want to get into the particulars of what happened for you Okay, because that's not what this is about So the question is should you be dating? Well, this should you can take it out of the equation because you can do whatever you would like Okay, you can date you can put yourself out there just recognize that This is some this is you know most men Are probably well most men are going to seek someone who can be a partner in a relationship They can be a contributor in the relationship So if you're on a a mission to save save save save save Can you even financially commit into a relationship with anyone? Or are you just seeking to casually date for just the short run? Have some short run experiences Because if you're not in a position to also contribute in a relationship, then I would take a break until you're in that place That would be my suggestion Thank you, jonathan and one more. Um, sure When or how should I tell a man? I'll tell you what if you told me I I'm just gonna be blunt. I know my reaction would be I probably wouldn't be interested I just know that so when should you tell them? That's a good question. Uh, right out blunt right out front Yeah, I know but you're gonna get you by the way, you're gonna get you're gonna get a hundred no's before you get one Yes, just be aware of that which I think is okay if he's not okay with it And by the way, there's nothing wrong with someone saying that doesn't work for them either that there's you know Having some level of established roots is uh, is an important Decision-making by the way, I guess the question is how would you respond if a man was living out of his car? Exactly No, how would you respond? How you said most men would respond We can be friends. I don't really want to date Hey, I went after my divorce and I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008 9 I lost my high-end corporate paying job I had to move in with my mother and father in my in my mid 40s. Okay in a retirement community Do you know how attractive I was to women? Not very attractive Okay, but one woman did accept me because it wasn't that big of a deal to her So there's always the exception to the rule, but I will tell you that was I had a lot of shame associated with that I had a lot of embarrassment So if you're not feeling shame or embarrassment and this is really a choice and you're doing it for You know to save money, you know, you're compromising a little bit of your luxury For you know money that then that's a you know, that might be something that not every guy would turn their head I just know if I heard it right off the bat I would start with telling the backstory before you told the story Hey, I just want to share something about myself with you. This is how I would frame it I want to share something about myself with you I have made a conscious choice to for the next year to save money So I can buy a home or do whatever it is and I'm working diligently towards that and that includes Actually making a conscious choice to live out of my car temporarily while I do this I sacrifice a little bit of comfort for a gain in the future That might increase your odds from one out of a hundred to 10 out of a hundred for all I know So that might be the way I'd frame it. Does that help sacey? Yes, you just gave me a confidence boost. Thank you for answering me All right. Well, good luck to you. Can I give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Yeah, thank you You're very welcome. Good luck and keep us posted Well, thank you Okay, all right. Let's see who else is in the house uh Let's see Bump bump bump bump bump We got a lot. Let's see by the way if anyone else wants to join me live and be on the hot seat Take a little bit of abuse Susan's in the house and she says Megan is not okay. I don't even want to go there Um, by the way folks the minute you judge another human being You're dropping to their level. I'm sorry the minute you judge someone you've never met Okay I've been judged so many times by so many people out there in this youtube universe You've never met me. You never spent time with me. I've been called a narcissist I don't know how many times by many of you people that don't know who I am So I really take offense for judging somebody you've never met If you've never met them that you have no right to judge them You can have opinions. I get it But I take offense to it. You know, that's just how I feel Okay, you might not like the person. That's okay. I get it All right question. I understand that self-love is a beginning of every relationship when you have a history of low self-esteem Where do you start building self-love? Well? Awareness is 80% of it if you are aware that you have a propensity to give your power away if you're aware that you're not Genuinely loving yourself then start reading the books. I recommend Start going to workshops. Go see a therapist See a counselor surround yourself with people that can bring joy in your life start to listen to those I listen to abraham hits every morning. I listen to wane dire. I listen. I do meditation every morning I do meditation at night. By the way, folks, do you know that the final thoughts in your head before you go to bed? Make all the difference I I have an app on my phone called think up and I listen to a series of affirmations. I've created for myself And these are the last things i'm listening to before I go to bed I invite you all to start changing the way you do things and little by little by the way Uh koya kacha. Let me just tell you something In 2008 and nine I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up and I have two small children I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up for over a year. My life was in purgatory if you will and that lasted from 2008 and nine and 10 and 11 and I show I finally found my purpose in life See remember when I said earlier I want to be a husband I think the other factor that makes a big difference is a person that genuinely has a purpose. They have their dharma They know what they're meant to do. They know the path they're going on in this world And when a person knows their dharma when they know their path when they know their purpose And it took me it took me five years to start digging my way out Of the pit of despair and then it took another five years to really let it sink in And it took another five years to where now i'm starting to be a little bit of a master at it very little And it's good. By the way, do you know most that in most old olden times person would apprentice for 30 years before they actually graduated to a master 30 years of apprenticeship work It's the same thing with personal development self up in spiritual work The problem is humans here particularly those in the united states you plant a seed one morning one evening In the backyard you water it and you wake up and go where the fuck is my tree? You water it sun water sun water sun till the soil water sun till the soil And little by little it sprouts and little by little it grows and grows and grows and people I mean bamboo has the capacity to grow at rapid rates When it's fully immersed That we're so arrogant here in united states that we plant a seed and we expect a tree the next day That's my two cents on that one monica is in the house and she says Waiting around to meet a man that is ready to be in a healthy relationship takes time We are women supposed are are we women supposed to wait around and not have sex women want sex too? Is that giving your power away? No having sex with a man isn't giving your power away getting attached to him Especially if you're never going to see him again and making your whole livelihood Predicated on him. That's giving your power away ladies. You can do whatever you want with your bodies You can have friends with benefits. You can have sex on the first date Just remember men rarely value women that have sex on the first date with them I'm not saying it isn't always there's always the exception to the rule You can have casual sex you monica. You can do whatever you want I'm just here to say if you want A significant relationship and you said it takes time. That's a construct Can take 10 minutes or it can take 10 years. You're right. It can Doesn't have to always be that way. What's your mindset in all of this? But yeah, a lot of people have friends with benefits relationships as a supplement you know So yeah, you can do whatever you want monica Sherry wants to say that marie is lovely. I agree And zen gal says the same thing I'll bring her on one day. By the way, minnesota girl. Thank you for the 20 super sticker. You don't need to apologize Thanks for all you do. I appreciate it All right, let's keep going. Does anyone want to jump into the hot seat click the link here All right United health heart film cal says how how to know when to move on from a friend with benefits Any signs when it will end when it to end the relationship? You know friends with benefits are always a tricky one It's tricky when one person wants more than a benefit. That's the first tricky part of it Usually when two people are doing friends with benefits, they're actively dating other people Because that person that friend with benefits isn't the one but it's the one for right now So usually one person moves on and that's when it ends. That's usually when it ends when one person has moved on All right, let's keep going here Sorry it's taken so long. I don't see any questions. Oh, here we go Missing Why do I have to be the one to call it text my boyfriend every time we stopped talking before we got back together? You guys aren't right for each other and you guys are playing this stupid game talking before we get back together Why are you the one because you guys don't have good communication skills to begin with that's the why um That's just my two cents on that one All right claire is in the house jonathan. We've been together for one year and he's excited We're expecting a baby when he stays home for three days in a row. I can't stand him at 53 acts like a baby But when it goes out, let's see if there's a follow-up to this um Let's see when he goes out with his friends And comes back home. He is spectacular masculine man. Do I have bias? Should I change should I change me or encourage him to get out of the house? You know, it's interesting covet revealed a lot of couples That weren't really good suited for living together I'm you know, just because you made a baby together just because you guys were together. I by the way You know, I've noticed that a lot of couples don't live well together. I was grateful with marie We lived very well together But we know of another couple just up the the road here and they were terrible roommates with each other And so they've actually changed their relationship and they they were living together and now they have separate places And they've gotten back together. Some people aren't very well suited for one another. Um, I'm not so certain that I think it was timothy timothy burton tim Burton, excuse me tim Burton. I'm married to halena bomb carter Um, halena bomb carter, uh, they were they had two separate homes. They had homes side by side with each other They were together for 13 years. They had children together, but they had two separate homes So maybe that's what's going on for you guys. You shouldn't live together um All right, so that's just my two cents on that one. All right Uh, fury says what is parent alienation? The daughter alienated you I don't know the particulars about that. I just suspect that's probably there's some Backstory there that would require some deeper understanding, but I don't know the answer to that one Uh, tricia tasha wants to let stacey know state your truth. Do it with kindness You can't say the wrong thing to the right person. That is true I will just tell you a lot of guys would probably um um I would say a lot of guys would have issues just like a lot of women would have issues with a guy living in his car When I say issues it just wouldn't feel comfortable. It feels like something's off Uh, uh, bum bum bum I get that it's an opinion in the question. I got that. Uh, let's keep going zen gal wants to say I love wane dire. Yes All right, here's another one miss heran hernandez says I'm dating a man who's 63 just bought hummus With his a wait just bought hummus with his adult children I've been dating for two years. I've never been in the plans. What do I do? Do I walk away wait? I've been dating man who is just who is 63 just bought hummus Okay, I don't get that one about hummus so Uh My trip in love. Oh, this is an interesting channel As my partner and I are taking a break I feel lost. How can I become secure enough in my relationship to give him space and he's unsure when we will reconnect So when two people take a break, this is the time to really reflect But most importantly to learn to Get your power back, you know, we are as I said earlier suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. We have a we have attachments to other people. That is from an unhealthy place So coming back to your question How can I become secure enough to give him space first off? You guys have already taken him space. You haven't given him space And he's unsure when he'll reconnect. Well, this is the point where you you basically If you never get back together again Are you hold if you're holding if you're sitting? Okay The problem with a lot of people in breakups people ask me about this when marie and I or marie Chose to move on Are you hoping to get back together? And I'm like no If one person wants to take a break or leave let them go take a break and leave the minute they do that The relationship is over in my books And you focus on your individual self So this is a time to focus on yourself And if he wants to come back you ask the question What has changed for both of us to reconsider this relationship and more importantly? What are we going to do to avoid this happening again? What has changed since the the split and what are we going to do to avoid this again? Those are two major questions to be answered before you ever to get back together and that's my suggestion all right So don't he's in the house Hi jonathan. How are you? How are you doing sweetheart? Hi. Hi. Well, I finished up my homework assignment You gave me What are the good things the qualities of the relationship that the guy ended with me? Okay, what were they? um I like candlelight dinners Before I used to love restaurants and he was always cooked me a candlelight dinner. I appreciate that I Like walk on the beach. I was kind of afraid of water being too close to it. But now I appreciate that Okay, and I appreciate I appreciate back rubs while waiting in line at the supermarket. Okay Everything was good. I was starting to come to peace with it. And then all of a sudden jonathan Yeah He calls me last thursday Okay, and It He said he likes my conversation and he still want to be my friend Yeah But I don't think that's gonna work. Like you said before the long distance Yeah, he wants a therapist By the way, so don't I'm gonna speak to everyone. Okay, please please So so men appreciate female energy. Okay, because and you'd like talking to women women We like talking to women We like talking to women who we're not in relationship with Because then we can say whatever we want and we it doesn't affect how our partner views us So a lot of men have used online dating as a supplement to actually going to see a therapist So his desire to stay friends is that he wants to stay connected and feed off of your female energy Now you can do the same thing you can feed off of his male energy, but you're not going to end up in a relationship with him so Setting a standard for yourself says, you know what? I think you're a great guy I'm going to let you go out into the ocean and go swim and find whomever you want It's good it's hot down there and and you go yeah, and uh, and you go about Being in a state of gratitude when you're in a state of gratitude Yes, when you're in a state of gratitude. You can't be unhappy There's two two spaces can't hold the same space when you're in a state of gratitude So it's not about being grateful for him You're grateful for the experience and hold that energy as long as you can and then put yourself out to Be attracted to a new guy. Will you do that for me? I will I will keep keep you updated too. Thank you, Jonathan Pick up. I'm going to show my quicksand Yeah, the best All right Uh, susan if you'd like to be on the hot seat you can click the link below. All right Sharon's in the house Question if your man you're dating for eight months and he's still on dating site ask why he updated his status To trying to figure it out when asked he said he didn't know how that happened so I think went ladies When the penis gets to regularly visit the vagina This is the time to have a conversation about your dating site. Okay your dating apps And if somebody after eight months, and I'm assuming you've had sex for seven out of those eight months or six out of those eight months If he hasn't taken their site down now when he says, I don't know that how that happened. I will say Sometimes you can remove the app but you forgot to take it off the site itself. So it's quite possible that happened. Okay Now my question is is this a long distance relationship? Is this a short distance relationship? If you two people are seeing each other on average or two three four times a week Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in their personal and their professional life. It's very rare. They're actively dating others. However Dating apps can be rather addictive and I know even in my own life Um, I know even in my own life I have found myself even when I was in a relationship with someone I would find myself still going on to swipe because there was this addictive Quality to it even after I began a relationship with Marie I was still it took me a while to wean myself from it not eight months Okay, but uh, certainly I know some men who it's it's it's such an addictive thing It's almost like pornography that feeling of that dopamine hit when somebody swipes your way So that's what could be going on But or he's trying to find a replacement for you I'm if the quality of your relationship is weak. He's probably trying to find a replacement for you is my suspicion. Okay All right We got time for a couple more questions Zen gal or excuse me Susan. The link is right there. I posted a couple times All right, let's keep going here Oh gamer wants to let everyone know parent parental alienation is a strategy bear it whereby one parent intentionally displays To the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. Yes, and that is very frequent that does happen a lot Um, so thank you for sharing that Irina wants to say sedoni is adorable the lady in the hot seat both of them stacey and sedoni were quite adorable Sherry wants to remind everyone jonathan is so true about the therapist exactly Jane wants to ask me would you ever establish a dating site? No, I wouldn't Because I would probably charge Uh Somewhere about a hundred dollars a month the most people wouldn't pay they'd have to go through rigorous tests to go through my site and um, they would have to have professional photographs taken Um quality photographs, I should say and that would be one of my requirements They'd have to have a professionally written essay. They'd have to do a psychological test Uh, to they'd have to do a love attachment style test. Yeah, I'd make people jump through so many fucking hoops Nobody would do it because there's just so many free apps out there and people people are lazy You guys want it free. You want it easy. You want self-serving. You want it disposable humans aren't willing to put in the effort So I wouldn't do it and that's the why Everybody says they everybody thinks they're the exception Terry wants to remind so true jonathan. I had a guy chatting with phone From a meeting online and he purged himself of all of his exes and let's just say I haven't talked to him since Yes, he got the benefit of your female energy Uh, let's keep going Jill wants is in the house and she wants to remind her, uh, sudoni Please stay in the state of gratitude as you're healing. You're attracting a new amazing man. Exactly Honey you says I updated my dating profile. No one is messaging me now because I put on my profile I won't be serious unless we meet in person. Most men are there to waste my time. Well, are you reaching out to men? That'd be a question I would ask Jane is in the house and she says Um after dating a while would you what after dating a while? Could you catfish your new guy to see if he really likes you? No, because I don't like any form of deception. That's just out of integrity Terry said I wouldn't pay a hundred dollars. See that's my point People wouldn't want to be on my dating site because it requires a lot of effort. One of that is fine. By the way If I told you today That if you handed me a hundred i'm a genie, but you have to hand me a hundred dollars And I can guarantee you the man of your dreams. Would you pay the hundred dollars? I think everyone would you pay a thousand dollars? You know people pay tens of thousands of dollars to a matchmaker It's because you don't believe that they can deliver So the problem is if you don't believe then why you then you'll just accept by the way when things are free You don't value it. That's the problem. That's see humans don't value something that's free And yet we have the ability for 15 bucks to get a plethora Of information, but people won't do it very less than 20 percent of the population actually Will regularly read books and yet there's a plethora of knowledge in books For a library card for 10 bucks a month, or it's probably not even that $10 a year You can get a library card, but people don't value it. That's just my perception anyway Um We gin is in the house one of my clients who got married I'm curious reasons why we school don't offer relationship courses to teach us dating and thoughts Because guess what the best teacher in the world is the school of life And by the way, children don't listen anyway in school very few children listen. I didn't listen in school Oh, where can we find the books my trip says here folks? I would recommend right here type in jonathan asley.com forward slash book recommendations all the books I recommend are right there But coming back to it Humans are lazy You guys want itself served I've spent over I've spent over 3 000 hours doing personal development workshops trainings I also have over 20 000 hours of coaching I've done a shitload of work and i'm still scratching the surface Most you want to just go to one workshop think you're healed and you figure it's going to be easy after that No work means every day being mindful of your thoughts choosing right thoughts Being in a state of gratitude meditating Absorbing new information and new and good information and a lot of information out there is toxic I turned off the news two years ago. My life is better for it. I don't have any gray hair because I turned off the news Just kidding has nothing to do with the news. I just got blessed by my mommy and daddy Anyway, those are just some of my arrogant thoughts in that realm all right Jill wants to say I don't do free dating sites exactly pay for what you want to get uh Let's see Jane says give an example how to flirt with a man in face-to-face setting. Okay This is i'm going to end on this note. I want you to use my nice acronym Nice n i c e first use his name in the sentence Number two number the i is be inquisitive ask a question The c throwing a compliment and e means enthusiasm. So it looks like this. Hey jonathan I really I was curious what inspired you to become a dating or relationship coach because you have great energy And I got to tell you you have a great smile to boot um Just I would really be excited to hear what you had to say Name inquisitive compliment and enthusiasm. That's how you flirt Name inquisitive compliment and enthusiasm the nice method Who's who's willing to use the nice method and you can do it in a text message You can do it in an email and you can do it face-to-face the nice method name inquisitive compliment and enthusiasm energy All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up Did you find value in this if you did please hit that like button? Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell if you're watching the replay There's a post to comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts before we wrap up if you'd like to donate to the conor asley scholarship fund There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. We'd love to get some money to donate So we would really appreciate some love right now Let's let's make 20 bucks in the next two minutes As i'm saying goodbye to everyone do that little uh Donation there. All right, we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job The bear hug of self-love i'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love and I showed my Fit stains i'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a titty bear pillow and give iter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more loving our lives I want to thank Sharon and nutrient whisper and justin and nyc and jane and weijan and captain photon and carla and terry and uh See jill is in the house gg sherry Um jane p honey you everyone. Thanks a bunch giving you a lot of love and appreciation I hope you found value in this if you did send me a hug as well. Be well everyone