 Hey Tony Gaskins here Getting ready to um Got a few minutes for I got to go pick up my sons from school so I won't be Gotta leave in about 15 minutes, but I was going through some of the comments and I don't always get to go through comments I think that's my first time and in a long time and I was going through some of the comments and On my video my last live that I did Saying why do men lie and this is what I want you ladies to understand because 95% of my viewers are women and First you got to understand what I'm here doing what I'm here doing is speaking from a male perspective because men do not often Unlock our mind for a woman if there isn't anything to gain from it So most men will not tell you something Because will not tell you how he really thinks because he's trying to sleep with you I am not trying to sleep with you. I cannot sleep with you I am happily married of 12 years and faithful and This is a part of my calling. So what you need to understand is that Everything men don't understand women and women don't understand me. So there are some women Who have started to explain Women to men so a man can go on YouTube and learn from a woman's perspective the nuances of women and there are some men who are Explaining men the reason why I'm explaining men is because I had a run in With Jesus and what I mean by that is my heart was Convicted when I met my wife at 21 years old and I changed my life To become a loving man I had broken so many hearts and hurt so many women and when I look back over it I realized it was solely because of a lack of understanding of myself and Relationships but more so it was because women did not know what to look for in a man Every single woman I met Compromise regardless of her age. I started dating at 15. I stopped at 21 and the oldest woman I had dated was in her 40s So every woman across the board from the time when I was 15 years old till I was 21 years old Dating women from 15 when I was 15 to in women in their 40s when I was 21 It actually was easier for me to play women between the ages of 32 and 45 Women in those ages between or let's say 35 to 45 were actually Easier to get what you want from those women and in a lot of cases it was just because of Desperation a woman just so ready to meet a good man or the right man and just tired of Dating and tired of the games and the lies and could not recognize the red flags And then the younger women did not understand Themselves in the sense of how men perceive women so they didn't understand what a man would read from a woman now this is what you got to understand ladies is Me explaining men the male perspective to you is not excusing men. I'm not making an excuse for the behavior. I am Explaining the behavior so you understand the root of the behavior where it comes from and why it is that way I also understand that what what you don't understand One lady say where's the accountability from men? The accountability from men does not come from YouTube the accountability from men comes from the woman I Changed solely not because what my father said to me what my male cousin said to me what the male pastor said to me I changed for my woman. I changed because she Refused to settle for anything less than the best so Women come to YouTube looking for men to hold men Accountable when we are not even hold trying to hold women are countable what we are doing is Speaking from our experience in our knowledge and understanding of ourselves That's all a woman can do is speak from her perspective and all a man can do is speak from his perspective The way you receive truth is to hear it my father used to say to me to the meat and spit out the bones What that means is it does you know good to go in the comments fussing and fighting and arguing About what does it make sense to you and how it's not logical? And why don't a man just do this and why does the man just do that? You know as a black man in America. It doesn't make sense to me that I should fear a White police officer in a certain part of town Because he may fear me or if I'm reaching for my wallet in my back pocket Like God rest the soul of Philando Castile that he will assume that I'm sitting that I'm reaching to grab a gun While my child is in the back seat and my woman is in the driver's seat And so that makes no sense to me It makes no sense to me My point is it's a lot of things in life that will not make sense to you But you still need to learn how you need to be prepared For when this situation that does not make sense no sense at all arises Versus saying you know what I'm just gonna do this anyway because that doesn't make sense and then that's how you end up getting hurt So please make the distinction and understand the difference between explaining behavior and excusing behavior of psychoanalyst Psychotherapist could sit down and explain to you the mindset of a serial killer And it could be very sickening the mindset of a serial killer and then you would say well Why don't you hold that serial killer accountable and tell that serial killer to change and it's like no Because that is his ill or her illness So I'm explaining the behavior to you so that when you see it you recognize it and you understand it And then you can do what you need to do to protect yourself from it not walking through this world with this Utopian world view that everybody is going to do the right thing by you and Everybody that comes in your life is going to make the right decisions and come and lay out all of their Intentions and all of their motives on the table and say hey I am coming to you to sleep with you on the first night and to tell you a lie that I love you and then Hacking to your bank account and steal all your savings and invest in my hair brain scheme Nobody's going to do that Nobody is coming to you and laying out all of their ulterior motives and and coming to be this perfect person in your life So what you have to do is you got to understand the good Understand the bad Know who you are know what you bring to the table Know what you're looking for and then be able to identify when the person you're looking at Isn't the person that you are looking for so then you are able to pick yourself up and walk away Not going and saying hey come to me and because my heart has been broken and because I've gone through all this stuff You need to come to me correct and be perfect and you need to come to me And you need to tell me only the truth don't tell me a single lie and it just does not work like that And so you can't allow your frustration and your failures and your Misunderstandings and your broken heart and your bitterness to take over and rule and control your life Because that's all it's going to produce. I remember I was promoting my first book I was I wrote it at 22 years old what daddy never told his little girl was the title of it And it was titled by a 32 year old woman because when she read the book She said this is the stuff that my daddy never told me and I'm a daddy's girl that those were her words So yes, it was a long title, but I said let me title it that what daddy never told his little girl. So I Remember I was promoting that book and I was walking up to this lady and She was in her mid 30s and she had her daughter with her daughter looked at probably nine or ten And I was walking up to hand her my little promo card with my book on and I said hey, excuse me, ma'am And I went to hand her card and before I could say anything Before I could hand her the card. She looked at me. Listen, I do not have time for the games So you need to tell me what you really want and what you are about and let me know Because I don't have time for the games and I was like, whoa Hold on man. I'm married Okay, I'm promoting my book. I'm coming to hand you this flyer In promotion of my book, but she was she had been hurt. She had been lied to she had been used She had been abused. She had been dogged out And so her her defense was up and she thought that every man was coming to Do something bad to her so she put her guards up and she lashed out to say if you are approaching me to get my Number do not come to me with games and it does not work like that It does not work like that. It's like when you're playing chess The person you're playing against is not going to tell you his or her next move just because you want to win the game And so in this world You have to change your mindset around Information that's being shared for one you got to take it with a grain of salt and you got to look at the person That is coming from and say well, who was this person that is coming from? Myself personally, I'm a full-time relationship coach and so I coach relationships every day all day I deal with thousands of relationship stories and scenarios throughout the course of a year from six different Continents so I'm coaching clients around the world of all ages and all colors races creeds Religions so when I speak it is from my data that I have pulled from my work From the work that I do it's not just some harebrained idea that I sat up in my home office And thought up so you have to take the information that you're hearing and consider the source It's kind of like a person who is flat broke telling you how to be a millionaire You don't want that advice But when it's coming from someone who is a professional at what they do and they do it all the time and they're sharing an Explanation to explain a certain behavior, which is answering a question from someone who watched another video It does not serve you to get angry with the explanation as if the explanation is an excuse there's a difference between an explanation and a excuse and an excuse and when you understand that and when you understand that You have to be prepared For anything that will come to you and although it makes sense for although We would love for some everyone to approach us to have self Accountability and to be honest and to be open and to be transparent. That's not the world we live in It's not the world we live in so you have to be prepared for the reality of the world Which is far from perfect which is far from pure and you will meet So people say Tony what you're explaining about why men lie and you could go back to my video if you missed it What you're explaining about why men lie? That's not even a man That's like a grown boy, which is my term that I created and so no sense to use that against me I already understand it's a grown boy But what I also understand is that if today in our society Because of online dating and the ease of access to women because of social media and the buffet of women because of the Breakdown between single women to single men in some cities being like 30 women to one man Because of all of these things if you meet 10 men 10 adult men meaning From 18 up, but it could be 25 to 45 if you meet 10 men 9 of them will be grown boys Now out of those 10 8 of them have a grown man inside of them that is ready to come out But will only come out if he meets the woman that is for him Who knows who she is and she won't be another easy? Meal another woman he can get over and that's just the truth of the map And that's why I said is that women say you want the truth But you do not want the truth because the truth is So even in the last video when I share the truth if you go read the comments you know, that's not right And these men they shouldn't be doing that. These men need to do this and these listen I know what they need to do. They know what they need to do. I know what's perfect I know what's ideal. That's not the world That's what I'm trying to get you to understand So instead of looking for every single way you can fuss fight and argue and debate Look to get the knowledge get the understanding and then protect yourself and utilize it to your advantage Because you being mad about the way things are It's not going to change it But you getting the knowledge about the way things are will allow you to be able to change it based on your Interactions and remember you teach people how to treat you based on what you stop What you allow and what you reinforce you teach people how to treat you Based on what you stop what you allow and what you reinforce so understand if you're gonna be popular but I'm in the trenches so while you are at work and You're working and you're building your life in corporate the corporate world or you own your own company and You sell whatever or whatever you're building my life and my company is Love and relationships. I am a life coach So if you are a realtor I'm not going to argue with you about the real estate market and what's the latest trends and what is going on Because that's what you do every day and although I may invest in it. I don't fully Understand it. So what I'm saying is what I'm sharing with you is from the trenches My finger is on the pulse. The data is real I'm dealing in it every day and when I'm speaking from a male perspective I was the type of man that you're going to meet on average. I Became the man that I am due to my wife's Influence which also is the title of our next book together It is called a woman's influence and you can actually go pre-order it now So that you are in the number in the first print run It doesn't charge your card until the book is released, which is April of 2020 But go on Amazon Barnes and Noble wherever you get books from and search a woman's Influence Tony Gaskins and you're gonna see in that book How I lay out how a woman Influences a man No, man listen to me. I got mentees who are men who are abstinent who are God-fearing who love Love God they read their Bible You know all of this stuff. I have mentees out there and guess what? They are Not perfect even though they're living their life in a in a good way They are not perfect. So what I need you to understand is That no man is going to be perfect. No man will be perfect He will have to and need work So what I'm so what I mean by that is you have to be Under the in the understanding that Your influence is what will change his life a Woman's influence if you are waiting on a man to come to you Who is 100% ready? He is 100% you know Perfect and whole and Healed and Just like you that just like you're working on yourself and you're getting better every day That man has to do the same thing and one thing I want you to understand is that The woman That but you inspired and that's what you got to understand That he's not going to be This perfect individual so you say oh, you know, why can't he just Express himself the way he's supposed to express himself and why can't he You know not ever tell a lie and The reason why is because he won't be perfect Just like you are not perfect. So guess what if let's say you drink let's say you drink and You drink too much sometimes And you know that you shouldn't be having that many drinks. Well, guess what if you meet this