 This is a LibreVox recording. All LibreVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, go to www.librevox.org. That's LibriVox.org. Recorded by me, Glenn Halstrom, aka Smokestack Jones. My email is smokestackjones at gmail.com. The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchhausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp. To the public. Having heard for the first time that my adventures have been doubted and looked upon as jokes, I feel bound to come forward and vindicate my character for voracity by paying three shillings at the mansion house of this great city, for the affidavits are too appended. This I have been forced into in regard of my own honor. Although I have retired for many years from public and private life, I hope that this, my last edition, replaced me in a proper light with my readers. At the city of London, England. We, the undecided, as true believers in the prophet, do most solemnly affirm that all the adventures of our friend Baron Munchhausen in whatever country they may lie are positive and simple facts. And, as we have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold more wonderful, so do we hope all true believers will give him their full faith and credence. Gulliver, Sinbad, Aladdin, swore at the mansion house nine November last in the absence of the Lord Mayor, John the Porter. The travels of Baron Munchhausen, Chapter One. The Baron is supposed to relate these adventures to his friends over a bottle. The Baron relates in account of his travels. The astonishing effects of a storm arise at Ceylon. Some years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or in other words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no inconsiderable traveler himself, as will appear before I have reached the end of my singular, and may I add interesting adventures. A cousin by my mother's side took a liking to me, often said I was a fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my accompanying human voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle had resided as governor for many years. We sailed from Amsterdam with dispatchers from their high mightiness the states of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our voyage worth reading was the wonderful effects of a storm, which had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of an almost Balkan height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take on wooden water. Some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the winds so amazingly high that they appeared like the feathers of small birds floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth. However, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly into their respective places and took root again except the largest, which happened when it was blown into the air to have a man and his wife, a very honest old couple upon its branches, gathering cucumbers in this part of the globe, that useful vegetable grows upon trees. The weight of this couple, as the tree descended, overbalanced the trunk and brought it down in a horizontal position and fell upon the chief man of the island and killed him on the spot. He had quitted his house in the storm under an apprehension of its falling upon him and was returning through his own private garden when this fortunate accident happened. The word fortunate here requires some explanation. This chief was a man of very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had no family, the natives of the island were half-starred by his oppressive and infamous impositions. The very goods which he had thus taken from them were sprawling in his stores while the poor riches from whom he was plundered were pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the cucumber gatherers for their governors as a mark of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late tyrant. After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm and taken leave of our new governor and his lady, we settled with a fair win for the object of our voyage. In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we received with great marks of friendship and true politeness, the following singular adventure may not prove unentertaining. After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight, I accompanied one of the governor's brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong athletic man, and being used to that climate, for he had resided there some years, he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could. In our excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick wood when I was only at the entrance. Near the banks of a large piece of water which engaged my attention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind. On turning about I was almost petrified as who would not be, at the sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching, with the intention of satisfying his appetite with my poor carcass, and that without asking my consent. What was to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment for reflection, my piece was only charged with swan shot, and I had no other about me. However, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening him by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately let fly without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did but enrage him, for now he quickened his pace, and he seemed to approach me at full speed. I attempted to escape, but that only additive addition could be made to my distress for the moment I turned about. I found a large crocodile with his mouth extended, always ready to receive me. On my right hand was the piece of water before mention, and on my left a deep precipice said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at the bottom for venomous creatures. In short, I gave myself up as lost, for the lion was now upon his hind legs, just in the act of seizing me. I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and as it afterwards appeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no language can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons, or some part of me every moment. At awaiting in this prostrate situation a few seconds, I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound that had ever before sailed my ears. Nor is it that to be wondered, when I inform you from whence I proceeded after listening for some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when to my unspeakable joy I perceived the lion head by the eagerness which he had sprung and made jumped around as I fell into the crocodile's mouth, which, as before observed, was wide open, the head of the one stuck in the throat of the other, and they were struggling to extricate themselves. I fortunately recollected my couteau de chasse, which was by my side. With this instrument I severed the lion's head with one blow, and the body fell at my feet. Then with the butt end of my felling piece, I rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed it by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor reject it. Soon after I had gained a complete victory over my two powerful adversaries, my companion arrived in search of me, for finally I did not follow home into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way or met with some accident. After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just 40 feet in length. As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor, he said to wagon and servants and brought home the two carcasses. The lion's skin was properly preserved with the tearon, after which it was made into tobacco pouches, and presented by me upon our return to Holland to the Burgamasters, who in return requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats. The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a capital article in the public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibit relates the host story to each spectator with such additions as he thinks proper. Some of the variations are rather extravagant. One of them is that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was making his escape at the back door, when as soon as his head appeared, Monsieur de Graite Baron, as he is pleased to call me, cut it off and three feet of the crocodile's tail along with it. Now he has so little attention, as this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon as the crocodile missed his tail, it turned about, snatched the couteau de chasse out of Monsieur's hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness that it pierced his heart and killed him instantly. The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me sometimes apprehensive that by real facts may fall into suspicion by being found in company with his confounded inventions. End of Chapter 1 of The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchhausen by Rudolf Eric Rasp. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, go to www.librivox.org. That's L-I-B-R-I-V-O-X.org. Recorded by me, Glenn Hallström, a.k.a. Smokestack Jones. My email is smokestackjones at gmail.com. The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchhausen by Rudolf Eric Rasp. Chapter 2, in which the Baron proves himself a good shot, he loses his horse and finds a wolf, makes him draw his sledge, promises to entertain his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their notice. I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia in the midst of winter from a just notion that the Americans know must, of course, mend the roads, which every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern parts of Germany, Poland, Poland, and Livonia. I went out horseback as the most convenient manner of travelling, but was lightly clothed, and of this I felt the convenience the more I advanced northeast. What must a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and climate whom I saw in the bleak common in Poland lying on the road, suffering and hardly having wherewithal to cover his nakedness? I pitted the poor soul, though I felt the severity of the air myself. I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from the heavens blessing me for that piece of charity, saying, you will be rewarded, my son, for this in time. I went on. Night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen. The country was covered with snow, and I was underquainted with the road. Tired, I lighted and fastened my horse to something like the pointed stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow for the sake of safety. I placed my pistols under my arm and laid down in the snow, where I slept so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a village lying in a churchyard. Nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard him soon after, nay, somewhere above me. On looking upwards, I beheld him hanging by his bridle to the weather cock of the steeple. Matters were now very plain to me. The village had been covered with snow overnight, a sudden change in the weather had taken place. I had sunk down into the churchyard whilst asleep gently, and the same proportion as the snow had melted away, and what in the dark I had taken to be the stump of a little tree appearing above the snow to which I had tied my horse proved to have been the cross or weather cock of the steeple. Without long consideration, I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle into, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. Here the Baron seems to have forgot his feelings. He should certainly have ordered his horse to feed of corn after fasting so long. It carried me well. Advancing into the interior parts of Russia, I found travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter. Therefore, I submitted, as I always do to the custom of the country, took a single horse sledge and drove briskly toward St. Petersburg. I do not exactly recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugmanland, but I remember that in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There was no possibility of escape. Mechanically, I laid myself down flat on the sledge and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not mind me in the least, but took a leap over me and, falling furiously on the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind part of the poor animal which ran the faster for its pain and terror. Thus I noticed and saved myself. I lifted my head, styled it up, and with horror I beheld that the wolf had ate his way into the horse's body. It was not long before he had fairly forced himself into it when I took my advantage and fell upon him with the butt end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his rear frightened him so much that he leapt forward with all its might. The horse's carcass dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf was in the harness and eyeing on my part, whipping him continually. We both arrived in full career, safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to our expected expectations, and very much to the astonishment of spectators. I shall not tire you gentlemen with the politics, art, sciences, and history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, or trouble you with the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer circles of that country where the lady of the house always received the visitor with a draven salute. I shall confine myself rather to the greater and nobler aspects of your attention, horses and dogs, my favorites in the brute creation, also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of the world. And to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry and activity, I show the gentlemen better than musty Greek or Latin, or all the perfumed, finer-in-capers of the French wits of petimetres. End of Chapter 2 of The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchhausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp. The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchhausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp. Chapter 3 An encounter between the barons' nose in a doorpost with its wonderful effects, fifty brace of ducks and other foul destroyed by one shot, flogs of fox out of his skin, leads an old-soul to the house, and the baron's nose, and the baron's nose, and the baron's nose, and the baron's nose, leads an old-soul home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild boar. It was some time before I could obtain my commission in the army, and for several months I was perfectly in liberty to sport away my time and money in the most gentlemen-like manner. You may easily imagine that I spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to make the most of hope in the forest country. The very recollection of these amusements gives me fresh spirits and creates a warm wish for a repetition of them. One morning I saw through the windows of my bedroom that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks, and in an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran downstairs and out of the house in such a hurry that I improvementally stuck my face against the doorpost. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my intention. I soon came within shot when levelling my peace I observed to my sorrow that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost. I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened the pan, levelled my peace against the wild fowls and my fist against one of my eyes. The Baron's eyes have retained fire over synths and appear particularly illuminated when he relates his anecdote. A hearty blow drew sparks again and the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of duck's twenty witches and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is the soul of many exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe it to many of their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it from many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine black fox whose valuable skin it would have been pity to hit her by ball shot. Reynolds stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my ball and placed a good spike-neil in its rule fired and hit him so cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, lay in hold of my whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin. Charles had good luck correct our mistakes. I had a singular instant soon after, where in the depth of the forest I saw a wild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball had missed them, yet the foremost pig only ran away in the south stood there motionless. As fixed to the ground on examining the matter I found the latter one to be an old sow blind with age which had taken hold of her pig's tail in order to be led along by filial duty. Charles, having passed between the two, had cut his leading string which the old sow continued to hold in the mouth and as the former guy did not draw her on any longer she had stopped, of course. I therefore laid hold of the remaining end of the pig's tail and let the old beast home without any further trouble at my part and without any reluctance or apprehension in the part of the head of his own animal. Terrible as these wild sows are yet more fierce and dangerous than the boars of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest unprepared for attack or defence I retired behind an oak tree just when the furious animal leveled a sign blow at me with such force that his tusk pierced through the tree by which means you couldn't either repeat the blow nor retire. Ho-ho! I thought! I shall soon have you now and immediately I laid hold of a stone wherewith I hammered and bent his tusks in such a manner that he could not retreat by any means and must wait my return to the next village whether I went for ropes and a cart to secure him properly and to carry him all safe and alive and which I had perfectly succeeded. The end of Chapter 3 of the Fabulous Adventures of Baron Munchausen Chapter 4 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org Reading by Denny Sayers The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Eric Ruspe Chapter 4 Reflections on St. Hubert's Stag Shoots a stag with cherry stones the wonderful effects of it kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity his danger pathetically described attacked by a wolf which he turns inside out is assailed by a mad dog from which he escapes the Baron's cloak seized with madness by which his whole wardrobe is thrown into confusion You have heard, I daresay of the hunter and sportsman saint and protector St. Hubert and of the noble stag which appeared to him in the forest with the holy cross between his antlers I have paid my homage to that saint every year in good fellowship and seen the stag a thousand times either painted in churches or embroidered in the stars of his knights so that upon the honor and conscience of a good sportsman I hardly know whether there may not have been formally or whether there are not now such crossed stags even at this present day but let me rather tell what I have seen myself having one day spent all my shot I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag looking at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches I charged immediately with powder and upon it a good handful of cherry stones for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit thus I let fly at him and hit him just on the middle of the forehead between his antlers it stunned him, he staggered yet he made off a year or two after being with a party in the same forest I beheld a noble stag with a fine, full-grown cherry tree above ten feet high between his antlers I immediately recollected my former adventure looked upon him as my property and brought him to the ground by one shot at once gave me the haunch and cherry sauce for the tree was covered with the richest fruit the like I had never tasted before who knows but some passionate holy sportsman or sporting abbot or bishop may have shot, planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert's Stag in a manner similar to this they always have been and still are famous for plantations of crosses and antlers and in a case of distress or dilemma which too often happens to keen sportsmen one is apt to grasp at anything for safety and to try any expedient rather than miss the favorable opportunity I have many times found myself in that trying situation what do you say of this, for example daylight and powder were spent one day in a Polish forest when I was going home a terrible bear made up to me in great speed with open mouth ready to fall upon me all my pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball but in vain I found nothing but two spare flints one I flung with all my might into the monster's open jaws down his throat it gave him pain and made him turn about so that I could level the second at his back door which indeed I did with wonderful success for it flew in met the first flint in the stomach struck fire and blew up the bear with a terrible explosion though I came safe off that time yet I should not wish to try it again or venture against bears with no other ammunition there is a kind of fatality in it the fiercest and most dangerous animals generally came upon me when defenseless as if they had a notion or an instinctive intimation of it thus a frightful wolf rushed upon me so suddenly and so close that I could do nothing but follow mechanical instinct and thrust my fist into his open mouth for safety's sake I pushed on and on till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder how should I disengage myself I was not much pleased with my awkward situation with a wolf face to face so ugly was not of the most pleasant kind if I withdrew my arm then the animal would fly the more furiously upon me that I saw in his flaming eyes in short I laid hold of his tail turned him inside out like a glove and flung him to the ground where I left him the same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog which soon after came running against me in a narrow street of St. Petersburg run who can I thought and to do this the better I threw off my fur cloak and was safe within doors in an instant I sent my servant for the cloak and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes the day after I was amazed and frightened by Jack's bawling for God's sake sir your fur coat is mad I hastened up to him and found almost all my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces the fellow was perfectly right in his apprehensions about the fur cloak's madness I saw him myself just then falling upon a fine full-dressed suit which he shook and tossed in an unmerciful manner End of Chapter 4 Chapter 5 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org The surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Erich Rasp Chapter 5 All these narrow and lucky escapes gentlemen were chances turned to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions which, taken together as everybody knows make the fortunate sportsman, sailor and soldier but he would be a very blameable and imprudent sportsman, admiral or general who would always depend upon chance and his stars without troubling himself about those arts which are their particular pursuits and without providing the very best implements which ensure success I was not blameable either way for I have always been as remarkable for the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns and swords as for the proper manner of using and managing them so that upon the whole I may hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the turf and in the field I shall not enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel or armory but a favorite bitch of mine I cannot help mentioning to you she was a greyhound and I never had or saw a better she grew old in my service and was not remarkable for her size but rather for her uncommon swiftness I always coursed with her had you seen her you must have admired her and would not have wondered at my predilection and at my coursing her so much she ran so fast, so much and so long in my service that she actually ran off her legs so that in the latter part of her life I was under the necessity of working and using her only as a terrier in which quality she still served me many years coursing one day a hare which appeared to me uncommonly big I pitied my poor bitch being big with pups yet she would course as fast as ever I could follow her on horseback only at a great distance at once I heard a cry as it were of a pack of hounds but so weak and faint that I hardly knew what to make of it coming up to them I was greatly surprised the hare had littered and running the same had happened to my bitch in coursing and there were just as many leverettes as pups by instinct the former ran the latter coursed and thus I found myself in possession at once of six hares and as many dogs at the end of a course which had only begun with one I remember this my wonderful bitch with the same pleasure and tenderness as a superb Lithuanian horse which no money could have bought he became mined by an accident which gave me an opportunity of showing my horsemanship to a great advantage I was at Camp Zobosky's noble country seat in Lithuania and remained with the ladies at tea in the drawing room while the gentlemen were down in the yard to see a young horse of blood which had just arrived from the stud we suddenly heard a noise of distress I hastened downstairs and found the horse so unruly that nobody durced approach or mount him the most resolute horseman stood dismayed and aghast despondency was expressed in every countenance when in one leap I was on his back took him by surprise and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience with the best display of horsemanship I was master of fully to show this to the ladies and save them unnecessary trouble I forced him to leap in at one of the open windows of the tea room walked around several times Pace, Trot and Gallop and at last made him mount the tea table there to repeat his lessons in a pretty style of miniature which was exceedingly pleasing to the ladies for he performed them amazingly well and did not break either cup or saucer it placed me so high in their opinion and so well in that of the noble lord that with his usual politeness he begged I would accept this young horse and ride him full career to conquest and honor in the campaign against the Turks which was soon to be opened under the command of Count Munich I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present nor a more ominous one at the opening of that campaign in which I made my apprenticeship as a soldier a horse so gentle, so spirited and so fierce at once a lamb and a Busephalus put me always in mind of the soldiers and the gentlemen's duty of young Alexander and of the astonishing things he performed in the field we took the field among several other reasons it seems with an intention to retrieve the character of the Russian arms which had been blemished a little under Peter's last campaign on the proof and this we fully accomplished by several very fatiguing and glorious campaigns under the command of that great general I mentioned before modesty forbids individuals to irrigate to themselves great successes or victories the glory of which is generally engrossed by the commander nay, which is rather awkward by kings and queens who never smelt gunpowder but at the field days and reviews of their troops never saw a field of battle or an enemy in battle array nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the great engagements with the enemy we all did our duty which in the patriot soldiers and gentlemen's language is a very comprehensive word of great honor, meaning and import and of which the generality of idle quidnunks and coffee house politicians can hardly form any but a very mean and contemptible idea however, having had the command of a body of Hussars I went up on several expeditions with discretionary powers and the success I then met with is I think fairly and only to be placed to my account and to that of the brave fellows whom I led on to conquest and to victory we had very hot work once in the van of the army when we drove the Turks into oxical my spirited Lithuanian had almost brought me into a scrape I had an advanced forepost and saw the enemy coming against me in a cloud of dust which left me rather uncertain about their actual numbers and real intentions to wrap myself up in a similar cloud was common prudence but would not have much advanced my knowledge or answered the end for which I had been sent out therefore I let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left and make what dust they could and I myself led on straight up on the enemy to have nearer sight of them in this I was gratified for they stood and fought till for fear of my flankers they began to move off rather disorderly this was the moment to fall upon them with spirit we broke them entirely made a terrible havoc amongst them and drove them not only back to a walled town near but even through it contrary to our most sanguine expectation the swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit and seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate I thought it would be prudent to stop in the marketplace to order the men to rendezvous I stopped gentlemen but judge of my astonishment when in this marketplace I saw not one of my hussars about me are they scouring the other streets what has become of them they could not be far off and must at all events soon join me in that expectation I walked my panting Lithuanian to a spring in this marketplace and let him drink he drank uncommonly with an eagerness not to be satisfied but natural enough for when I looked around for my men what should I see gentlemen the hind part of the poor creature group and legs were missing as if he had been cut in two and the water ran out as fast as it came in without refreshing or doing him any good how it could have happened was quite a mystery to me till I returned with him to the town gate there I saw that when I rushed in pel mel with the flying enemy they had dropped the portcullis a heavy falling door with sharp spikes at the bottom let down suddenly to prevent the entrance of an enemy into a fortified town unperceived by me which had totally cut off his hind part that still lay quivering on the outside of the gate it would have been an irreparable loss had not our farrier contrived to bring both parts together while hot he sewed them up with sprigs and young shoots of laurels that were at hand the wound healed and what could not have happened but to so glorious a horse in his body grew up and formed a bower over me so that afterwards I could go up on many other expeditions in the shade of my own and my horse's laurels End of chapter Recorded by Tom Barron Chapter 6 of Barron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org The Surprising Adventures of Barron Munchausen by Rudolph Erich Rasp Chapter 6 I was not always successful I had the misfortune to be overpowered by numbers to be made a prisoner of war and what is worse, but always usual among the Turks to be sold for a slave The Barron was afterwards in great favor with the Grand Signor as will appear hereafter In that state of humiliation my daily task was not very hard and laborious but rather singular and irksome It was to drive the sultan's bees every morning to their pasture grounds to attend them all the day long and against night to drive them back to their hives One evening I missed a bee and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried I had nothing like an offensive weapon in my hands but the silver hatchet which is the badge of the sultan's gardeners and farmers I threw it at the robbers with an intention to frighten them away and set the poor bee at liberty But by an unlucky turn of my arm it flew upwards and continued rising till it reached the moon How should I recover it? How'll fetch it down again? I recollected that turkey beans grow very quick and run up to an astonishing height I planted one immediately It grew and actually fastened itself to one of the moon's horns I had no more to do now but to climb up by it into the moon where I safely arrived and had a troublesome piece of business before I could find my silver hatchet in a place where everything has the brightness of silver At last, however, I found it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw I was now for returning but alas the heat of the sun had dried up my bean It was totally useless for my descent So I fell to work and twisted me a rope of that chopped straw as long and as well as I could make it This I fastened to one of the moon's horns and slid down to the end of it Here I held myself fast with the left hand and with the hatchet in my right I cut the long now useless end of the upper part which, when tied to the lower end brought me a good deal lower This repeated splicing and tying of the rope did not improve its quality or bring me down to the sultan's farm I was four or five miles from the earth at least when it broke I fell to the ground with such amazing violence that I found myself stunned and in a whole nine fathoms deep at least made by the weight of my body from so great a height I recovered, but knew not how to get out again However, I dug slopes or steps with my fingernails The baron's nails were then of 40 years growth and easily accomplished it Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks and gaining my liberty I left St. Petersburg at the time of that singular revolution when the emperor in his cradle his mother, the Duke of Brunswick Field Marshal Munich and many others were sent to Siberia The winter then was so uncommonly severe all over Europe that ever since the sun seems to be frostbitten At my return to this place I felt on the road greater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out I traveled post and finding myself in a narrow lane bid the postilian give a signal with his horn that other travelers could hear us in the narrow passage He blew with all his might but his endeavors were in vain He could not make the horn sound which was unaccountable and rather unfortunate for soon after we found ourselves in the presence of another coach coming the other way There was no proceeding However, I got out of my carriage and being pretty strong placed it wheels and all upon my head I then jumped over a hedge about nine feet high which considering the weight of the coach was rather difficult into a field and came out again by another jump into the road beyond the other carriage I then went back for the horses and placing one upon my head and the other under my left arm by the same means brought them to my coach put to and proceeded to an inn at the end of our stage I should have told you that the horse under my arm was very spirited and not above four years old in making my second spring over the hedge he expressed great dislike to that violent kind of motion by kicking and snorting However, I confined his hind legs by putting them into my coat pocket After we arrived at the inn my postilian and I refreshed ourselves he hung his horde on a peg near the kitchen fire I sat on the other side Suddenly we heard a ta-rang-ta-rang-tang-tang we looked around and now found the reason why the postilian had not been able to sound his horn his tunes were frozen up in the horn and came out now by falling plain enough and much to the credit of the driver so that the honest fellow entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes without putting his mouth to the horn. The king of his march, over the hill and over the dale, with many other favorite tunes, at length the thawing entertainment concluded as I shall this short account of my Russian travels Some travelers are apt to advance more than is perhaps strictly true If any of the company entertain a doubt of my veracity I shall only say to such I pity their want of faith and must request that they will take leave before I begin the second part of my adventures which are as strictly founded in fact as those I have already related End of Chapter Recording by Tom Barron The Baron relates his adventure on a voyage to North America which are well worth the readers' attention ranks of a veil a seagull saves the sailors life The Baron's head forced into his stomach a dangerous leak stopped a posteriori I am parked a pot's mouse in a first-rate Englishman of war of 100 guns and 1,500 men from North America Nothing worth relating happened till we arrived we seen 300 leaks of the river St. Lawrence and the ship struck with amazing force against as we supposed to rock however upon heaving the lead we could find no bottom even with 300 phantom what made this circumstance the more wonderful and indeed beyond all comprehension was that the violence of the shock was such that we lost our radar broke our bows, spread in the middle and split all our masts from top to bottom two of which went by the board a poor fellow who was aloft furling the mainsheet was flung at least 3 leaks from the ship but he fortunately saved his life belaying hold of the tail of a large seagull who brought him back and lodged him on the very spot from whence he was thrown another proof of the violence of the shock was the force we switched the people between decks were driven against the floors above them my head particularly was pressed into my stomach where it continued for some months before it recovered its natural situation whilst we were all in a state of astonishment at the general and unaccountable confusion in which we were involved the whole was suddenly explained by the appearance of a large whale who had been basking asleep within 16 feet of the surface of the water this animal was so much displeased with the disturbance which our ship had given him for in our passage we had with our radar scratched his nose that he beat all the gallery and part of the quarter deck with his tail and almost at the same instant took the main sheet anchor which was suspended as it usually is from the head between his teeth and ran away with the ship at least 60 leaks at the rate of 12 leaks an hour unfortunately the cable broke and we lost the whale and the anchor however upon our return to Europe some months after we found the same whale within a few leaks of the same spot floating dead upon the water it measured above half a mile in length as we could take but the small quantity of such a monstrous animal on board we got our boats out and with some difficulty cut off his head were to our great joy we found the anchor and above 40 phantom of cable concealed on the left side of his mouse just under his tongue perhaps this was the cause of his death as that side of his tongue was much swelled with a great degree of inflammation this was the only extraordinary circumstance that happened on this voyage one part of our distress however I'd like to have forgot while the whale was running away with the ship she sprang a leak and the water poured in so fast that all our pumps could not keep us from sinking it was however my good fortune to discover it first I found it a large hole about the foot in diameter you will naturally suppose this circumstance gives me infinite pleasure when I inform you that this noble vessel was preserved with all its crew by a most fortunate sword I set down over it and could have dispensed with it had it been larger nor will you be surprised when I inform you I am descended from Dutch parents the parents' ancestors have been lately settled there in another part of his adventures he boasts of royal blood my situation while I set there was rather cool but the carpenter's art soon relieved me End of Chapter 7 recording by Ellie July 2009 Chapter 8 of Berenmündhausen this is a LibreVox recording all LibreVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibreVox.org recording by Ellie the surprising adventures of Berenmündhausen by Rudolf Erichraspe Chapter 8 Bases in the Mediterranean meets in unexpected companion arrives unintentionally in the regions of heat and darkness from which he is extricated by dancing a hornpipe frightens his deliverance and returns on shore I was once in great danger of being lost in a most singular manner in the Mediterranean I was passing in the pleasant scenery one summer's afternoon when I discovered a very large fish with his jaws quite extended approaching me with the greatest velocity there was no time to be lost nor could I possibly avoid him I immediately reduced myself to as small a size as possible by closing my feet and placing my hands also near my sides in which position I passed directly between his jaws and into his stomach where I remained some time in total darkness and comfortably warm as you can imagine at last it occurred to me that by giving him pain he would be glad to get rid of me as I had plenty of room I played my pranks such as tumbling hop step and jump and so on but nothing seemed to stir up him so much as the quick motion of my feet attempted to dance a home pipe soon after I began he put me out by sudden fits and starts I preserved at last he roared hurriedly and stood up almost perpendicularly in the water with his head and shoulders exposed by which he was discovered by the people on board an Italian trader then sailed by who harpooned him in a few minutes as soon as he was brought on board I heard the crew consulting how they should cut him up as I understood Italian I was in the most dreadful apprehensions least their weapons employed in this business should destroy me also therefore as to this near to the center is possible for there was room enough for a dozen men in this creature's stomach and I naturally imagined they would begin with the extremities however my fears were soon dispersed for they began by opening the bottom of the belly as soon as I perceived a glimmering of light I called out lastily to be released from a situation in which I was now almost suffocated it is impossible for me to do justice to the degree and kind of astonishment which set upon every continent a hearing a human voice issue from a fish but more so a seeing a naked man walk upright out of his body in short gentlemen I told him the whole story a self done you whilst amazement struck them down after taking some refreshment and jumping into the sea to cleanse myself I swim to my closest which labor has left them on the shore as near as I can calculate it was near four hours and a half confined in the stomach of this animal end of chapter 8 recording by Ellie, July 2009 Chapter 9 of Baron Moonschausen This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina The Surprising Adventures of Baron Moonschausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp Chapter 9 When I was on the service of the Turks I frequently amused myself in a pleasure barge on the Marmara which commands a view of the whole city of Constantinople including the grand-signor's Sorario. One morning as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky I observed a globular substance in the air which appeared to be about the size of a 12-inch globe with somewhat suspended from it. I immediately took up my largest and longest barrel fouling-piece which I never travel or even make an excursion without if I can help it I charged with a ball and fired at the globe but to no purpose the object being at too distant a distance. I then put in a double quantity of powder and five or six balls this second attempt succeeded all the balls took effect and tore one side open and brought it down. Judge my surprise when a most elegant gilt car with a man in it and part of a shape which seemed to have been roasted fell within two yards of me. When my astonishment had in some degree subsided I ordered my people close to this strange aerial traveller. I took him on board my barge he was a native of France he was much indisposed from his sudden fall into the sea and incapable of speaking after some time however he recovered and gave the following account of himself to it about seven or eight days since I cannot tell which for I have lost my reckoning having been boast of the time ever sets, I ascended from the land's end in Cornwall in the island of Great Britain in the car from which I have been just taken, suspended from a very large balloon and took a sheep with me to try atmospheric experiments upon unfortunately the wind changed within ten minutes after my ascent and instead of driving towards Exeter where I intended to land I was driven towards the sea over which I suppose I have continued ever since but much too high to make observations the calls of hunger were so pressing that the intended experiments upon heat and respiration gave way to them I was obliged on the third day to kill the sheep for food and being at that time infinitely above the moon and for upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the sun that it scorched my eyebrows I placed the carcass taking care to skin it first in that part of the car where the sun had sufficient power or in other words where the balloon did not shade it from the sun by which method it was well roasted in about two hours this has been my food ever since here he paused and seemed lost in viewing the objects about him when I told him the buildings before us were the grand seniors of the failure at Constantinople he seemed exceedingly affected as he had supposed himself in a very different situation the cause, added he of my long flight was owing to the failure of a string which was fixed to a valve in the balloon intended to let out the inflammable air and if it had not been fired at and rented the manner before mentioned I might, like Mahomet spent it between heaven and earth till doomsday the grand senior to whom I was introduced by the imperial, Russian and French ambassadors employed me to negotiate a matter of great importance at Grand Cairo and which was of such a nature that it must ever remain a secret I went there in great state by land where having completed the business I dismissed almost all my plans and returned like a private gentleman the weather was delightful and that famous river the Nile was beautiful beyond all description in short I was tempted to hire a barge to descend by water to Alexandria on the third day of my voyage the river began to rise most amazingly you have all heard I presume of the annual overflowing of the Nile and on the next day it spread to the country for many leagues on each side on the fifth at sunrise my barge became entangled with what I at first took for shrubs but as the light became stronger I found myself surrounded by almonds which were perfectly ripe and in the highest perfection upon plumbing with a line my people found we were at least sixty feet from the ground and unable to advance or retreat at about eight or nine o'clock as near as I could judge by the altitude of the sun the wind rose suddenly and canted our barge on one side here she filled and I saw no more of her for some time fortunately we all saved ourselves six men and two boys by clinging to the tree the boughs of which were equal to our weight though not to that of the barge in this situation we continued six weeks and three days living upon the almonds I need not inform you we had plenty of water on the forty second day of our distress the water fell as rapidly as it had risen and on the forty sixth we were able to venture down upon terra firma our barge was the first pleasing object we saw about two hundred yards from the spot where she sunk after drying everything that was useful by the heat of the sun the most what necessaries from the stores on board we set out to recover our lost ground and found by the nearest calculation we had been carried over garden walls and a variety of enclosures above one hundred and fifty miles in four days after a very tiresome journey on foot with thin shoes we reached the river which was now confined to its banks related our adventures to a boy who kindly accommodated all our wants and set us forward in a barge of his own in six days more we arrived at Alexandria where we took shipping for Constantinople I was received kindly by the grand senior and had the honour of seeing the sorario to which his highness introduced me himself Chapter 10 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 10 During the late siege of Gibraltar I went with a provision fleet under Lord Rodney's command to see my old friend General Elliot, who has by his distinguished defence of that place, acquired laurels that can never fade After the usual joy which generally attends the meeting of old friends had subsided I went to examine the state of the garrison and view the operations of the enemy but the general accompanied me I had brought a most excellent refracting telescope with me from London, purchased of Dolland by the help of which I found the enemy were going to discharge a thirty-six pounder at the spot where we stood I told the general what they were about. He looked through the glass also and found my conjectures right. I immediately by his permission ordered a forty-eight pounder to be brought by my neighbouring battery which I placed with so much exactness having long studied the art of gunnery that I was sure of my mark I continued watching the enemy till I saw the match placed at the touch-hole of their piece. At that very instant I gave the signal for our gun to be fired also About midway between the two pieces of cannon the balls struck each other with amazing force and the effect was astonishing The enemy's ball recoiled back with such violence as to kill the man who had discharged it by carrying his head fairly off with sixteen others which it met with in its progress to the Barbary Coast where its force after passing through three masses of vessels that then lay in a line behind each other in the harbour was so much spent that it only broke its way through the roof of a poor labourer's hut about two hundred yards inland it destroyed a few teeth an old woman had left who lay asleep upon her back with her mouth open the ball lodged in her throat her husband soon after came home and endeavoured to extract it but finding that impracticable by the assistance of a rammer he forced it into her stomach our ball did excellent service for it not only repelled the other in the manner just described but proceeding as I intended it should it dismounted the very piece of cannon that had just been employed against us and forced it into the hold of the ship where it fell with so much force as to break its way through the bottom the ship immediately filled and sank with above a thousand Spanish sailors on board besides a considerable number of soldiers this to be sure was a most extraordinary exploit I will not however take the whole merit to myself my judgment was the principal engine but chance assisted me a little for afterwards found that the man who charged our forty-eight pounder put in by mistake a double quantity of powder else we could never have succeeded so much beyond all expectation especially in repelling the enemy's ball General Elliott would have given me a commission for this piece of service but I declined everything except his thanks which I received at a crowded table of officers at supper on the evening of that very day as I am very partial to the English who are beyond all doubt a brave people I determined not to take my leave of the garrison till I had rendered them another piece of service and in about three weeks an opportunity I dressed myself in the habit of a popish priest and at about one o'clock in the morning stole out of the garrison past the enemy's lines and arrived in the middle of their camp where I entered the tent in which the Prince d'Artois was with the commander-in-chief and several other officers in deep council concerting a plan to storm the garrison next morning my disguise was my protection and I was ready to continue there hearing everything that passed till they went to their several beds when I found the whole camp and even the sentinels were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus I began my work which was that of dismounting all their cannon above three hundred pieces from forty-eight to twenty-four pounders and throwing them three leagues into the sea having no assistance the hardest task I ever undertook except swimming to the opposite shore with the famous Turkish piece of ordnance described by Baron Detrott in his memoirs, which I shall hear after mention I then piled all the carriages together in the center of the camp which, to prevent the noise of the wheels being heard I carried in pairs under my arms and a noble appearance they made as high at least as the rock of Gibraltar I then lighted a match by striking a flint stone situated twenty feet from the ground in an old wall built by the moors when they invaded Spain with the breach of an iron eight and forty pounder and so set fire to the whole pile I forgot to inform you that I threw all their ammunition wagons upon the top before I applied the lighted match I had laid the combustibles so judiciously that the hole was in a blaze in a moment to prevent suspicion I was one of the first to express my surprise the whole camp was, as you may imagine petrified with astonishment the general conclusion was that their sentinels had been bribed and that seven or eight regiments of the garrison had been employed in this horrid destruction of their artillery Mr. Drinkwater in his account of this famous siege mentions the enemy sustaining a great loss by a fire which happened in their camp but never knew the cause how should he, as I never divulged it before though I alone saved Gibraltar by this night's business not even to general Elliot the Count d'Artois and all his attendants ran away in their fright and never stopped on the road till they reached Paris which they did in about a fortnight this dreadful conflagration had such an effect upon them that they were incapable of taking the least refreshment for three months after but chameleon-like lived upon the air if any gentleman will say he doubts the truth of this story I will find him a gallon of brandy and make him drink it at one draft about two months after I had done the besieged this service one morning as I sat at breakfast with general Elliot a shell for I had not time to destroy their mortars as well as their cannon entered the apartment we were sitting in it lodged upon our table the general, as most men would do quitted the room directly but I took it up before it burst and carried it to the top of the rock when looking over the enemy's camp on an eminence near the sea-coast I observed a considerable number of people but could not with my naked eye discover how they were employed I had recourse again to my telescope when I found that two of our officers one a general the other a colonel with whom I spent the preceding evening and who went out into the enemy's camp about midnight as spies were taken and then were actually going to be executed on a gibbet I found the distance too great to throw the shell with my hand but most fortunately recollecting that I had the very sling in my pocket which assisted David in slaying Goliath I placed the shell in it and immediately threw it in the midst of them it burst as it fell and destroyed all present except the two culprits who were saved by being suspended so high for they were just turned off however one of the pieces of the shell fled with such force against the foot of the gibbet that it immediately brought it down our two friends no sooner felt terra firma than they looked about for the cause and finding the guards, executioner and all had taken it in their heads to die first they directly extricated each other from their disgraceful cords and then ran down to the seashore seized a Spanish boat with two men in it and made them row to one of our ships which they did with great safety and in a few minutes after when I was relating to General Elliott how I had acted they both took us by the hand and after mutual congratulations we retired to spend the day with festivity End of chapter Chapter 11 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording While LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina The surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 11 You wish I can see by your countenances I would inform you how I became possessed of such a treasure as the sling just mentioned Here facts must be held sacred Thus then it was I am a descendent of the wife of Uriah whom we all know David was intimate with She had several children by his majesty They quarreled once upon a matter of the first consequence that is the spot where Noah's Ark was built and where it rested after the flood A separation consequently ensued She had often heard him speak of this sling as his most valuable treasure This she stole the night they parted It was Miss before she got out of his dominions and she was pursued by no less than six of the king's bodyguards However, by using it herself she hit the first of them for one was more active in the pursuit than the rest where David did Goliath and killed him on the spot His companions were so alarmed at this fall that they retired to his wife to pursue her journey She took with her, I should have informed you before, her favorite son by this connection to whom she bequeathed the sling and thus it has without interruption descended from father to son till it came into my possession One of its possessors my great great great grandfather who lived about two hundred and fifty years ago was upon a visit to England and became intimate with a poet who was a great dear stealer I think his name was Shakespeare He frequently borrowed the sling and with it killed so much of Sir Thomas Lucy's venison that he narrowly escaped the fate of my two friends at Gibraltar Poor Shakespeare was imprisoned and my ancestor obtained his freedom in a very singular manner Queen Elizabeth was then on the throne but grown so indolent that every trifling matter made trouble to her dressing, undressing, eating, drinking and some other offices which shall be nameless made life a burden to her all these things he enabled her to do without or by a deputy and what do you think was the only return she could prevail upon him to accept for such eminent services setting Shakespeare at liberty Such was his affection for that famous writer that he would have shortened his own days to add to the number of his friends I do not hear that any of the Queen's subjects particularly the beef-eaters as they are vulgarly called to this day however they might be struck with a novelty at the time much approved of her living totally without food she did not survive the practice herself above seven years and a half My father who was the immediate possessor of this sling before me told me the following anecdote he was walking by the seashore at Harwich with his sling in his pocket before his paces had covered a mile he was attacked by a fierce animal called a seahorse, open-mouthed who ran at him with great fury he hesitated a moment then took out his sling retreated back about a hundred yards stooped for a couple of pebbles of which there were plenty under his feet and slung them both so dexterously at the animal that each stone put out an eye and lodged in the cavities which their removal had occasioned he now got upon his back and drove him into the sea for the moment he lost his sight he also lost ferocity and became as tame as possible the sling was placed as a bridle in his mouth he was guided with the greatest facility across the ocean and at less than three hours they both arrived on the opposite shore which is about thirty leagues the master of the three cups at Helvet's lease in Holland purchased this marine horse to make an exhibition of for seven hundred duckets which was upwards of three hundred pounds and the next day my father paid his passage back in the packet to Harwich my father made several curious observations in this passage which I will relate hereafter End of Chapter Chapter 12 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp Chapter 12 The Frolick This famous sling makes the possessor equal to any task he is desirous of performing I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions that an account of the silk it contained would exceed all credibility every Mercer's shop and weaver's stock in London, Westminster and Spittle fields contributed to it With this balloon in my sling I played many tricks such as taking one house from its station and placing another in its stead without disturbing the inhabitants who were generally asleep or too much employed to observe the peregrinations of their habitations When the Sentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul's clock strike 13 it was through my dexterity I brought the buildings nearly together that night by placing the castle in St. George's fields and carried it back again before daylight without waking any of the inhabitants Notwithstanding these exploits I should have kept my balloon and its properties a secret if Montgolfier had not made the art of flying so public On the 30th of September when the College of Physicians chose their annual officers and dine sumptuously together I filled my balloon brought it over the dome of their building clapped the sling round a golden ball at the top fastening the other end of it to the balloon and immediately ascended with the whole College to an immense height where I kept them upwards of three months You will naturally inquire what they did for food such a length of time To this I answer had I kept them suspended twice the time they would have experienced no inconvenience on that account so amply or rather extravagantly had they spread their table for that day's feasting Though this was meant as an innocent frolic it was productive of much mischief to several respectable characters amongst the clergy, undertakers sextons and grave-diggers They were, it must be acknowledged, sufferers for it is a well-known fact that during the three months the College was suspended in the air and therefore incapable of attending their patients except a few who fell before the sigh the father-time and some melancholy objects who perhaps to avoid some trifling inconvenience here laid the hands of violence upon themselves and plunged into misery infinitely greater than that which they had hoped by such a rash step to avoid without a moment's consideration If the apothecaries had not been very active during the above time half the undertakers in all probability would have been bankrupts End of Chapter Chapter 13 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen By Rudolph Eric Rasp Chapter 13 A Trip to the North We all remember Captain Phips's now Lord Mulgrave last voyage of discovery to the north I accompanied the captain not as an officer but as a private friend When we arrived in a high northern latitude I was viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I introduced to your notice in my Gibraltar adventures I thought I saw two large white bears in violent action upon a body of ice considerably above the masts and about half a league distance I immediately took my carbine slung it across my shoulder and ascended the ice When I arrived at the top the unevenness of the surface made my approach to these animals troublesome and hazardous beyond expression Sometimes hideous cavities opposed me which I was obliged to spring over In other parts the surface was as smooth as a mirror and I was continually falling As I approached near enough to reach them I found they were only at play I immediately began to calculate the value of their skins for they were each as large as a well-fed ox Unfortunately at the very instant I was presenting my carbine my right foot slipped I fell upon my back My sense of the blow deprived me totally of my senses for nearly half an hour However, when I recovered judge of my surprise at finding one of those large animals I have been just describing had turned me upon my face and was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches which were then new and made of leather He was certainly going to carry me feet foremost God knows where when I took this knife showing a large clasp knife Out of my side pocket made a chop at one of his hind feet and cut off three of his toes He immediately let me drop and roared most horribly I took up my carbine and fired at him as he ran off He fell directly The noise of the peace roused several thousand of these white bears who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile of me They came immediately to the spot There was no time to be lost A most fortunate thought arrived in my paracranium just at that instant I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit and I wrapped myself in it placing my own head directly under Bruins The whole herd came round me immediately and my apprehensions threw me into a most piteous situation to be sure However, my scheme turned out a most admirable one for my own safety They all came smelling and evidently took me for a brother Bruin I wanted nothing but bulk to make an excellent counterfeit However, I saw several cubs amongst them not much larger than myself After they had all smelt me and the body of their deceased companion whose skin was now become my protector we seemed very sociable and I found I could mimic all their actions tolerably well but a growling, roaring and hugging they were quite my masters I began now to think that I might turn the general confidence which I had created amongst these animals to my advantage I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instant death I now determined to try the experiment and had again recourse to my knife with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck near the shoulders but under great apprehensions not doubting but the creature would if he survived the stab tear me to pieces However, I was remarkably fortunate for he fell dead at my feet without making the least noise I was now resolved to demolish them every one in the same manner which I accomplished without the least difficulty for although they saw their companions fall they had no suspicion of either the cause or the effect when they all lay down before me I felt myself a second Samson having slain my thousands to make short of the story I went back to the ship and borrowed three parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them and carrying the hams on board which we did in a few hours and loaded the ship with them as to the other parts of the animals they were all thrown into the sea though I doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs were they properly cured as soon as we returned I sent some of the hams in the captain's name to the lords of Admiralty others to the lords of the Treasury some to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of London a few to each of the trading companies and the remainder to my particular friends from all of whom I received warm thanks but from the city I was honored with substantial notice to it an invitation to Dyna Guildhall annually on Lord Mayor's Day the bearskins I sent to the Empress of Russia to clothe her majesty and her court in the winter for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with her own hand and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary inviting me to share the honors of her crown but as I never was ambitious of royal dignity I declined her majesty's favor in the politest terms the same ambassador had orders to wait and bring my answer to her majesty personally upon which business he was absent about three months her majesty's reply convinced me of the strength of her affections and the dignity of her mind her late-end disposition was entirely owing as she kind creature was pleased to express herself in a late conversation with the Prince with my cruelty what the sex see and me I cannot conceive but the Empress is not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps did not proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition here it becomes my duty to acquit him our ship was in a very proper trim till I loaded it with such an immense quantity of bearskins and hams for which it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed further as we were now scarcely able to combat a briscale much less those mountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes the Captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he had no share in the honors of that day which he emphatically called bearskin day he has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I destroyed without fatigue or danger to myself indeed he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me that we have actually quarreled about it and we are not now upon speaking terms he boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving the bears because I was covered with one of their skins nay he declares there is not in his opinion in Europe so complete a bear naturally himself among the human species he is now a noble peer and I am too well acquainted with good manners to dispute so delicate a point with his lordship end of chapter chapter 14 of Baron Munchausen this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina the surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp chapter 14 Baron Duttat in his memoirs makes this great a parade of a single act as many travelers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing the different parts of the globe for my part if I had been blown from Europe to Asia from the mouth of a cannon I should have boasted less of it afterwards but it is done of it only firing off a Turkish piece of ordnance what he says of this wonderful gun as near as my memory will serve me is this the Turks have placed below the castle and near the city on the banks of Simois a celebrated river an enormous piece of ordnance cast in brass which would carry a marble ball of 1100 pounds weight I was inclined says Tott to fire it but I was willing first to judge of its effect the crowd about me trembled at this proposal as they asserted it would overthrow not only the castle but the city also at length their fears and parts subsided and I was permitted to discharge it it required not less than 330 pounds weight of powder and the ball weighed as before mentioned 1100 weight when the engineer brought the priming the crowds who were about me retreated back as fast as they could nay it was with the utmost difficulty I persuaded the pasha who came on purpose there was no danger even the engineer who was to discharge it by my direction was considerably alarmed I took my stand on some stonework behind the cannon gave the signal and felt a shock like that of an earthquake at the distance of 300 fathom the ball burst into three pieces the fragments crossed the straight rebounded on the opposite mountain and left the surface of the water all in a foam through the whole breath of the channel this gentleman is as near as I can recollect Baron Totz account of the largest cannon in the known world now when I was there not long since the anecdote of Totz firing this tremendous piece was mentioned as a proof of that gentleman's extraordinary courage I was determined not to be outdone by a Frenchman therefore took this very piece upon my shoulder and after balancing it properly jumped into the sea with it and swam to the opposite shore from whence I, unfortunately, attempted to throw it back into its former place I say, unfortunately, for it slipped a little in my hand just as I was about to discharge it and in consequence of that it fell into the middle of the channel where it now lies without a prospect of ever recovering it and notwithstanding the high favour I was in with the grand-senior as before mentioned this cruel Turk as soon as he heard of the loss of his famous piece of ordinance issued in order to cut off my head I was immediately informed of it by one of the sultanas with whom I had become a great favourite and she secreted me in her apartment while the officer charged with my execution was with his assistance in search of me that very night I made my escape on board a vessel which was then weighing anchor to proceed on her voyage the last story, gentlemen I am not fond of mentioning as I miscarried in the attempt and was very near losing my life into the bargain, however as it contains no impeachment of my honour I would not withhold it from you now, gentlemen you all know me I can have no doubt of my veracity I will entertain you with the origin of this same bouncing taut his reputed father was a native of Bern in Switzerland his profession was that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes and alleys vulgarly called a scavenger his mother was a native of the mountains of Savoy and had a most beautiful large wind on her back common to both sexes in that part of the world she left her parents when young and sought her fortune in the same city which gave his father birth she maintained herself while single by acts of kindness to our sex for she never was known to refuse them any favour they asked provided they did but pay her some compliment beforehand this lovely couple met by accident in the street in consequence of their being both intoxicated for by reeling to one centre they threw each other down this created mutual abuse in which they were complete adepts they were both carried to the watch house and afterwards to the house of correction they soon saw the folly of quarrelling made it up became fond of each other and married but madam returning to her old tricks his father who had high notions of honour soon separated himself from her she then joined a family who strolled about with a puppet show in time she arrived at Rome where she kept an oyster stand you have all heard no doubt of Pope Ganganelli commonly called Clement the Fourteenth he was remarkably fond of oysters one good Friday as he was passing through this famous city and state to assist at high mass at St. Peter's church he saw this woman's oysters which were remarkably fine and fresh he could not proceed without tasting them there were about five thousand people in his train he ordered them all to stop and sent word to the church he could not attend mass till next day then alighting from his horse for the Pope always rides on horseback upon these occasions he went into her stall and ate every oyster she had there and afterwards retired into the cellar where she had a few more this subterraneous apartment was her kitchen, parlor, and bed-chamber he liked his situation so much that he discharged all his attendants like short of the story his holiness passed the whole night there before they parted he gave her absolution not only for every sin she had but all she might hereafter commit now gentlemen I have his mother's word for it and her honor cannot be doubted that Baron Tot is the fruit of that amor when Tot was born his mother applied to his holiness as the father of her child he immediately placed him under the proper people and as he grew up gave him a gentleman's education had him taught the use of arms procured him promotion in France and a title and when he died he left him a good estate End of chapter Recording by Catherine Eastman The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 15 A further account of the journey from Harwich to Helvet's List description of a number of marine objects never mentioned by any traveller before rocks seen in this passage equal to the Alps in magnitude lobsters, crabs, etc. of an extraordinary magnitude a woman's life saved the cause of her falling into the sea Dr. Haase's directions followed with success I omitted several very material parts in my father's journey across the English Channel to Holland which, that they may not be totally lost I will now faithfully give you in his own words as I heard him relate them to his friends several times On my arrival, says my father at Helvet's List I was observed to breathe with some difficulty upon the inhabitants inquiring into the cause I informed them that the animal upon whose back I rode from Harwich across to their shore did not swim such is their peculiar form and disposition that they cannot float or move upon the surface of the water He ran with incredible swiftness upon the sands from the shore driving fish in millions before him many of which were quite different from any I had yet seen carrying their heads at the extremity of their tails I crossed, continued he one prodigious range of rocks equal in height to the Alps the tops or highest parts of these marine mountains are said to be upwards one hundred fathoms below the surface of the sea on the sides of which there was a great variety of tall noble trees loaded with marine fruit such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scallops, mussels, cockles et cetera et cetera some of which were a cartload singly and none less than a porters all those which are brought on shore and sold in our markets of an inferior dwarf kind or properly waterfalls i.e. fruit shook off the branches of the tree it grows upon by the motion of the water as those in our gardens are by that of the wind the lobster trees appeared the richest but the crab and oysters were the tallest the periwinkle is a kind of shrub it grows at the foot of the oyster tree it winds round it as the ivy does the oak i observed the effect of several accidents by shipwreck et cetera particularly a ship that had been wrecked by striking against a mountain or rock the top of which lay within three fathoms of the surface as she sank she fell upon her side and forced a very large lobster tree out of its place it was in the spring very young and many of them being separated by the violence of the shock they fell upon a crab tree which was growing below them they have, like the farina of plants, united and produced a fish resembling both i endeavored to bring one with me but it was too cumbersome and my salt water pegasus seemed much displeased at every attempt to stop his career whilst i continued on his back besides i was then, though galloping over a mountain of rocks that lay about midway the passage at least five hundred fathom below the surface of the sea and began to find the want of air inconvenient therefore i had no inclination to prolong the time add to this my situation was in other respects very unpleasant i met many large fish who were, if i could judge by their open mouths, not only able but really wished to devour us now as my rosinanti was blind i had these hungry gentlemen's attempts to guard against in addition to my other difficulties as we drew near the dutch shore and the body of water over our heads did not exceed twenty fathoms i thought i saw a human figure in a female dress than lying on the sand before me with some signs of life when i came close i perceived her hand move i took it into mine and brought her on shore as a corpse an apothecary who had just been instructed by dr. haas the baron's father must have lived very lately if dr. haas was his preceptor of london treated her properly and she recovered and she was the rib of a man who commanded a vessel belonging to helvetslis he was just going out of port on a voyage when she, hearing he had got a mistress with him, followed him in an open boat as soon as she had got on the quarter-deck she flew at her husband and attempted to strike him with such impetuosity that he thought it most prudent to slip on one side and let her make the decision of her fingers upon the waves rather than his face he was not much out in his ideas of the consequence for, meeting no opposition she went directly overboard and it was my unfortunate lot to lay the foundation for bringing this happy pair together again i can easily conceive what execrations the husband loaded me with when, on his return found this gentle creature waiting his arrival and learned the means by which she came into the world again however, great as the injury is which i have done this poor devil i hope he will die in charity with me as my motive was good though the consequences to him are, it must be confessed horrible all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer, visit LibriVox.org Recording by Troy Bond The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 16 This is a very short chapter but contains a fact for which the Baron's memory ought to be dear to every Englishman, especially those who may hereafter have the misfortune of being made prisoners of war On my return from Gibraltar I travelled by way of France to England being a foreigner this was not attended with any inconvenience to me I found in the harbour of Calais a ship just arrived with the number of English sailors as prisoners of war I immediately conceived an idea of giving these brave fellows their liberty which I accomplished as follows after forming a pair of large wings each of them 40 yards long and 14 wide and annexing them to myself I mounted at break of day when every creature even the watch upon deck was fast asleep as I hovered over the ship by fast and three grappling irons to the tops of the three masts with my sling and fairly lifted her several yards out of the water and then proceeded across to Dover where I arrived in half an hour having no further occasion for these wings I made them a present to the governor of Dover castle where they are now exhibited to the curious as to the prisoners and the French men who guarded them they did not awake till they had been near two hours on Dover pier the moment the English understood the situation they changed places with their guard and took back what they had been plundered of but no more for they were too generous to retaliate and plunder them in return this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org Recording by Troy Bond The surprising adventures of Baron Moonchausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp Chapter 17 Voyage eastward the Baron introduces a friend who never deceived him wins a hundred guineas by pinning his faith upon that friend's nose game started at sea some other circumstances which will it is hoped afford the reader no small degree of amusement in a voyage which I made to the east Indies with Captain Hamilton I took a favourite pointer with me he was to use a common phrase worth his weight in gold for he never deceived me one day when we were by the best observations we could make at least three hundred leagues from land my dog pointed I observed him for near an hour with astonishment and mentioned the circumstance to the Captain and every officer on board asserting that we must be near land for my dog smelt game this occasioned a great laugh but that did not alter in the least the good opinion I had of my dog after much conversation pro and con I boldly told the Captain I placed more confidence in Trey's nose than I did in the eyes of every semen on board and therefore proposed laying the sum I had agreed to pay for my passage V's 100 guineas that we would find game within half an hour the Captain a good hearty fellow laughed again desired Mr Crow for the surgeon who was prepared to feel my pulse he did so and reported me in perfect health the following dialogue between them took place I overheard it though spoken low and at some distance Captain his brain is turned I cannot with honour accept his wager surgeon I am of a different opinion he is quite sane and depends more upon the scent of his dog than he will upon the judgment of all the officers on board he will certainly lose and he richly merits it Captain such a wager cannot be fair on my side however I'll take him up if I return his money afterwards during the above conversation Trey continued in the same situation and confirmed me still more in my former opinion I proposed the wager a second time it was then accepted done and done were scarcely said on both sides when some sailors who were fishing in the long boat which was made fast to the stern of the ship harpooned an exceeding large shock which they brought on board and began to cut up for the purpose of barreling the oil when behold they found no less than six brace five partridges in this animal's stomach they had been so long in that situation that one of their hens was sitting upon four eggs and a fifth was hatching when the shark was opened this young bird we brought up by placing it with the litter of kittens that came into the world a few minutes before the old cat was as fond of it as any of her own four-legged progeny and made herself very unhappy when it flew out of her reach till it returned again with other partridges there were four hens amongst them one or more were during the voyage constantly sitting and consequently we had plenty of game at the captain's table and in gratitude to portray for being a means of winning one hundred guineas I ordered him the bones daily and sometimes a whole bird End of Chapter 17 Chapter 18 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org Recording by Troy Bond The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 18 A Second Trip to the Moon A second visit but an accidental one to the moon the ship driven by a whirlwind a thousand leagues above the surface of the water where a new atmosphere meets them and carries them into a capacious harbor in the moon a description of the inhabitants and their manner of coming into the Lunarian world animals, customs, weapons of war wine, vegetables, etc I have already informed you of one trip I made to the moon in search of my silver hatchet I afterwards made another in a much pleasanter manner and stayed in it long enough to take notice of several things which I will endeavour to describe as accurately as my memory will permit I went on a voyage of discovery at the request of a distant relation who had a strange notion that there were people to be found equal in magnitude to those described by Gulliver in the Empire of Rob Dignag For my part I always treated that account as fabulous, however to oblige him, for he had made me his heir I undertook it and sailed for the South Seas where we arrived without meeting with anything remarkable except some flying men and women who were playing at leapfrog and dancing minuets in the air On the 18th day, after we had passed the island of Otahite mentioned by Captain Cook a hurricane blew our ship at least one thousand leagues above the surface of the water and kept it at the height till a fresh gale arising filled the sails in every part and onwards we travelled at a prodigious rate and proceeded above the clouds for six weeks at last we discovered a great land in the sky like a shining island round and bright where coming into a convenient harbor we went on shore and soon found it was inhabited below us we saw another earth containing cities, trees, mountains, rivers, seas, etc which we conjectured was this world which we had left here we saw huge figures riding upon vultures of the size and each of them having three heads to form some idea of the magnitude of these birds I must inform you that each of their wings is as wide as six times the length of the main sheet of our vessel which was about 600 tons berthened thus instead of riding upon horses as we do in this world the inhabitants of the moon for we now found we were in Madame Luna fly about on these birds found was engaged in a war with the sun and he offered me a commission but I declined the honor his majesty intended me everything in this world is of an extraordinary magnitude a common flea being much larger than one of our sheep in making war their principal weapons are radishes which are used as darts those who are wounded by them die immediately their shields are made of mushrooms and their darts when radishes of the tops of asparagus some of the natives of the dog star to be seen here commerce tempts them to ramble their faces are like a large mastiffs with their eyes near the lower end or tip of their noses they have no eyelids but cover their eyes at the end of their tongues when they go to sleep they are generally 20 feet high as to the natives of the moon none of them are less in stature than 36 feet they are not called the human species but the cooking animals for they all dress their food by fire as we do but lose no time at their meals as they open their left side and place the whole quantity at once in their stomach then shut it again to the same day in the next month for they never indulge themselves with food more than 12 times a year or once a month all but glutton's and epicure's must prefer this method to ours there is but one sex either of the cooking or any other animals then they are all produced from trees of various sizes and foliage that which produces the cooking animal or human species is much more beautiful than any of the others it has large straight bows and flesh-colored leaves and the fruit it produces are nuts or pods with hard shells at least two yards long when they become ripe which is known from their changing color they are gathered with great care and laid by as long as they think proper when they choose to animate the seed of these nuts they throw them into a large cauldron of boiling water which opens the shells in a few hours and out jumps the creature nature forms their minds for different pursuits before they come into the world from one shell comes forth a warrior from another a philosopher from a third a divine from a fourth a lawyer from a fifth a farmer from a sixth a clown etc etc and each of them immediately begins to perfect themselves by practicing what they before when they grow old they do not die but turn into air and dissolve like smoke as for their drink they need none their only evacuations they have are insensible and by the breath they have but one finger upon each hand with which they perform everything in as perfect a manner as we do who have four besides the thumb their heads are placed under the right arm and when are going to travel or about any violent exercise they generally leave them at home for they can consult them at any distance this is a very common practice and when those of rank or quality among the Lunarians have an inclination to see what's going forward among the common people they stay at home i.e. the body stays at home and sends the head only which is suffered to be present in cog and return at pleasure with an account of what has passed the stones of the grapes are exactly like hail and I am perfectly satisfied that when a storm or high wind in the moon shakes their vines and breaks the grapes from the stalks the stones fall down and form our hail showers I would advise those who are of my opinion to save a quantity of these stones when it hails next and make Lunarian wine it is a common beverage at St. Luke's some material circumstances I had nearly omitted they put their bellies to the same use as we do a sack and throw whatever they have occasion fall for they can shut and open it again when they please as they do their stomachs they are not troubled with bowels liver, heart or any other intestines neither are they encumbered with clothes nor is there any part of their bodies unseemly or indecent to exhibit their eyes they can take in and out of their places when they please and can see as well with them in their hand as in their head and if by any accident they lose or damage one they can borrow or purchase another and see as clearly with it as their own dealers and eyes are on that account very numerous in most parts of the moon and in this article alone all the inhabitants are whimsical sometimes green and sometimes yellow eyes of the fashion I know these things appear strange but the shadow of a doubt can remain on any person's mind I say let him take a voyage there himself and then he will know I am a traveller of veracity End of Chapter 18 Chapter 19 of Baron Munchausen This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org Recording by Troy Bond The surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 19 The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a bridge, ship, boat, balloon or even his own will rouses himself after a long nap and destroys a monster who lived on the destruction of others My first visit to England was about the beginning of the present king's reign I had occasion to go down to Wapping to see some goods shipped which I was sending to some friends at Hamburg After that business was over I took the tower wharf and my way back Here I found the sun very powerful and I was so much fatigued that I stepped into one of the cannon and chose me where I fell fast asleep This was about noon It was the 4th of June Exactly at one o'clock these cannon were all discharged in memory of the day They had been all charged that morning having no suspicion of my situation I was shot over the houses on the opposite side of the river into a farmer's yard between Bermondsey and Deppford where I fell upon a large haystack without waking and continued there in a sound sleep till hay became so extravagantly dear which was about three months after that the farmer founded his interest to send his hoe stock to market The stack I was reposing upon was the largest in the yard containing about 500 load They began to cut that first I awoke with the voices of the people who had ascended the ladders to begin at the top and got up totally ignorant of my situation In attempting to run away the farmer to whom the hay belonged and broke his neck yet received no injury myself I afterwards found to my great consolation that this fellow was a most detestable character always keeping the produce