 so many of us either blame or give credit to others for how we feel you make me so mad you make me so sad and even you make me so happy the reality of it is is that nobody can make us feel a certain way and in this video i'm gonna prove it to you what is up everybody this is chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about helping you improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that kind of stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because i make a ton of videos just to help you out but anyways the topic today is how we blame others about making us feel a certain way and then we do things based on the way they made us feel so this is a very important mental health topic so i'm gonna warn you at the beginning of this video when i give you some examples it's gonna come off a little tough lovey but i guarantee by the end of this video you're going to feel empowered okay so let's get started all right so let's imagine a scenario okay let's imagine you have a friend you may not even have to imagine this let's let's think about your friend who is always late they're always late maybe 15 minutes late maybe you're that friend okay and let's say you're supposed to meet him for coffee at 10 o'clock in the morning okay so you go and you're going to meet him for coffee you sit down you get there maybe five minutes early then all of a sudden it's 10 o'clock now you're angry you're angry and they show up 15 minutes late and at the end of it you're mad you're upset you're upset because they were late now let's do the exact same scenario but let's say you're there and i don't know maybe you have a book with you or maybe you found something interesting on social media maybe maybe one of my videos right and you're sitting there and you're watching it or you're listening to it or you're reading it and all of a sudden 10 o'clock's rolling around and all of a sudden you think because you're so sucked into this book or a show or whatever you're doing you're saying man i hope they show up 15 minutes late because i'm really into this right now and then they show up 15 minutes late and it's not a big deal so the same person was late by 15 minutes but in one of those scenarios you were upset and in the other scenario you didn't mind so based on that how could that person make you feel a certain way even though they didn't change at all what's that telling you here's another example okay let's say in one scenario you know you're you're trying to get ready you know in the morning to go to work and you know just things start going wrong around the house and maybe maybe you were trying to make some food and you mess that up or if you got kids maybe your kids were making your runway or whatever it is then you drive off to work and you're stuck in traffic and you're just so upset oh these drivers make me so mad they make me so angry they're gonna make me late right then you show up late and you're upset about it okay now let's take that exact same scenario but everything goes really smooth in the morning you make your breakfast or you get your kid ready and you take him to school you're great you're so good even that you're early you left 15 or 20 minutes early there's the exact same amount of traffic but you're cool you're chilling you're just listening to your music maybe you got some Spotify on and you're just jamming and you show up to work on time and you're totally cool the traffic didn't change in either one of those scenarios but in one you were really upset and in the other you didn't mind are you starting to follow me here are you starting to see how other people and situations cannot make us feel a certain way this is extremely important and once i realized this my life started to get better my mental health started to improve because i was constantly playing the victim if you will if people places and situations would just act right do the things that i thought they should do everything would be fine quit making me feel a certain way but when i started to look at this in a different light from a different perspective i'm like oh wow nobody can make me feel a certain way see what's really fascinating to me is about our thoughts and our emotions and things like that it's kind of like the weather all right so it's not always raining but if certain circumstances come into play like temperature air pressure cloud formations if these things come together then it rains it's kind of like our emotions we're not always mad we're not always sad we're not always happy but if certain things align it can trigger one of these emotions so this is really important this is actually a concept that i learned from meditation but the reality is we need to quit playing the victim and making believe that people are making us feel a certain way and for me it's actually quite silly when you think about it right like if somebody had the power or the ability to make us feel something so easily then wouldn't we be just as able to make ourselves feel a certain way wouldn't that be great if every time we were sad well i boom i'm gonna feel happy i'm gonna make myself feel happy right or i'm angry boom i'm gonna make myself feel not angry oh i'm anxious boom i'm gonna make myself feel calm no it's not that simple so why are we make believing that other people have so much power that they can make us feel a certain way and this is what i'm talking about this concept this idea is really empowering once i figured this out i'm no longer the victim i'm no longer the victim of everybody and everything going on around me okay like they're not in control of my emotions hell i'm barely in control of my emotions you know what i mean but what's the solution to this my personal solution is meditation meditation is my solution to dealing with my thoughts my feelings my emotions because what meditation teaches me to do is to not run away from them okay not to distract myself not to go out and do toxic behaviors meditation for me helps me sit and embrace these emotions and what it's doing is it's actually rewiring your brain to not want to run away from those feelings so much you remember that these things are going to pass and for the most part these are just sensations in your body the issue that we have with most of these emotions and feelings is that we latch on to certain thoughts and we play them over and over and over and over and over again and it's usually not helpful it's definitely getting more into the problem rather than the solution and when we have sets on these thoughts it makes us feel even worse you see what i mean so meditation for me helps me embrace these things and just sit and be with my feelings be with my emotions and i'm able to get some clarity on the situation i start to realize oh i'm not mad at the traffic i'm upset because all these other things happen this morning right oh i'm not mad at the girlfriend i'm not mad at my son or i'm not mad at my co-worker i'm mad because these other circumstances happen and then we start to get this pause because one of the issues a lot of us have is that we lash out on the wrong people in the wrong moment because somebody just said the thing that set us off but really we were set about a million other things that happen so when we start to practice meditation my preferred practice of meditation is mindfulness which is a lot of moments throughout the day of being very present and noticing what's happening in my mind as well as in my body and when i can do that i can work on myself i can improve my mental health but anyways this is this is a topic i want to touch on based on some stuff that i've been seeing you know online and people tweeting about and stuff like that i'm like nobody can make you feel a certain way so i hope this video helped you out if you think it might help somebody else make sure you go share it share it on facebook or instagram or twitter or whatever you gotta do baby just go out and share it all right but that's all i got for you if you like this video please give it a thumbs up and if you're new here again i'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being so make sure you click that subscribe button and ring that notification bell and a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon i love all of you so so much and if you want to remind people to focus on the solution bam check out the rewired soul merch shop on the back of every shirt it says focus on the solution it's a great little reminder all right thanks so much for watching i'll see you next time