 It's the Phil Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugists speaking to you for all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent drugists who have made the word Rexall part of our own store names. You've learned to know us by the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows. But our best identification is that we carried the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company. Many of you are already familiar with some of these famous products like Rexall plenumens for example. Two of these handy little capsules give you more than your daily minimum requirement of every vitamin for which such requirements have been established. Yes, Rexall plenumens are a good example of the unvarying quality which enables 10,000 family drugists to tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. And now your Rexall family drugist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos and Whitfield. Walter Sharp in his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. This morning there seems to be a little excitement in the Harris household. Phil has gone out to the garage to get his car when suddenly he comes bursting back into the house. Alice, Alice, something terrible has happened out of my way. Let me get that phone. Oh, take it easy, Phil. Calm down. What's wrong? My car's been stolen. Call the police. Call the FBI. Get Sam Spade. It hasn't been stolen. Frankie borrowed it this morning. Barred? Uh-huh. Barred my new shark truce Cadillac. I've only had it two weeks and he's borrowed it eight times already. How can that guy be so inconsiderate? How am I supposed to get downtown? Oh, Frankie arranged for your transportation. How? He left you a transfer for the Hollywood bus. Oh, gee whiz. Suppose he Rex my car. If you ask me, it'll look better in that condition. Why on earth did you buy a car with such an awful color scheme? Get who's knocking shark truce? To hear you talk, you'd think you never saw a shark truce convertible with pale fudge fenders. Philip, what made you get a shark truce car? He wanted something to match his shoes. He has shoes that color? Why, to hear you talk, you'd think you never saw a shark truce shoes with pale fudge tongues. Philip, I don't know why you put up with Francis. He does the most awful things. Why, that man doesn't have one redeeming quality. That ain't so. Remli's all right. Everybody has bad points. He just happens to have a higher score than anybody else. He's always borrowing your car. He wrecked two of them last year and, well, it makes me mad. Well, if I don't mind too much, why should it make you mad? Because I can't afford to keep buying you new ones. Maybe it'd be cheaper if I bought Frankie a car. Hold it, Luella. I ain't gonna have my wife buying some other guy a car. I'll buy him one. With what? I'll pay for it out of my mad money. I'll let him go down and pick out a cheap used car for himself. Phil, you know Frankie won't pick out a cheap used car for himself. He'll pick out the best new one on the market. No, he won't. Not the way I'm gonna handle it. With my plan, I'll guarantee he'll be the one to suggest a used car. I'll tell him it's for you, and then I'll get it. Hiya, Curly. Well, good morning, Mr. Remli. Nice of you to return my car. Who's returning it? I ran out of gas. I came back to get your credit card. Remli, you ain't getting no credit card. And furthermore, I want you to stop driving my car, and that's final. That's okay with me. I wouldn't drive it again anyway until you had it repainted. That awful shot trues color is affecting my social life. Frankie, it's a beautiful greenish yellow. Yeah, it's the trouble. It looks like an unripe taxi. Every time I stop to pick up a girl, she jumps in and yells, follow that cab! Now listen, I'm not gonna stand there. I don't mind that, but the ticking of the meter is making me nervous. Well, I don't care if... What meter? The one I had put in this morning, so it shouldn't be a total loss. Gee, Curly, I don't know... Will you call a cab? I have to go downtown. Excuse me, Curly. I got a customer. Get in, lady. Oh! Oh, hello, Frankie. Hello, Alice. Bill, did you tell him about buying the car? What car? No, honey, I haven't had a chance to tell him that. No, he just came in. What car? Well, it's a car. You see, I'm gonna buy a new car for someone very close to me. Oh, gee, Curly, that's sweet of you. I don't know what to say except let's get over to the Cadillac Agency and pick one out for me. Just a minute, Remly. This car don't happen to be for you. I'm buying the car for Alice. Alice? But I'm the one who needs it. Why does she? Oh, well, that's life. Money goes to money. Them who has gets. And, Frankie, you know, you have such excellent taste. I'd appreciate it if you'll help Bill pick a car for me, will you? Okay, but my heart won't be in it. Oh, thanks, Frankie. Well, I have to run along now. See you later. Fine thing. I need a car myself and I gotta go help buy one for somebody else. Oh, Frankie, don't feel that way about it. Look, I'll tell you what, if there's any money left after buying Alice's car, I'll give it to you and you can buy one of your own. If there's any money left over, I can have it. Yeah. Now let's go down and pick out a nice new car for Alice. New car? I got a better idea. Let's get her a used car. Maybe a good used car will be all right. But, um, where can I find a reliable used car dealer? I know a guy. I figured you would. Look, Remly, I got $300 to spend and I don't want to be jipped. Because this guy you know, is he honest? Please, Curly, I'll thank you not to cast any aspersions on Hot Heap Harrigan. Hot Heap Harrigan. Is he the guy who used to be with nothing down brown? Well, in that case, okay, let's go see him. I better go see Hot Heap alone, Curly. Why? Well, uh, why? He doesn't like strangers. Being a typical used car salesman, he's shy and reticent. Besides, if I go alone, I can get a better price from him. Okay. Now here's the $300, but remember, Remly, pick out something nice for Alice. Something, well, something you yourself would like. Now don't try to save anything. Well, you know me better than that. I'll pick out the best used car they got for Alice. I'll see you soon. Little does he realize that the automobile he is picking for Alice is in reality for himself. Well, now that I've reset the plot, I think I'll sing. I got my Sunday best on going strutting with my Lola Belly. She's waiting for me and I'll be there. I declare with an hour despair. And when we're walking arm in arm down the boulevard, oh golly, I'm proud. Have a look at that crowd. Hey, Pop called the cop for the traffic'll stop cause she's so, so, so adorable. My Lola Belly. His heart's desire. My bundle of guys, oh gee. So don't blame me for highfalutin' that got my horn out. And I'm a tootin', it busts each button when I'm out struttin' with my Lola Belly. That's why he is lookin' like a million. He's got that million dollar goal. He's steppin' out. I've got my Sunday best on going struttin' with my Lola Belly. She's waiting for me and I'll be there. I declare with an hour despair. We pass the corner where the boys always hang around. They give her the eye as we're going by. That's fine, that's the sign that they know that she's mine. We all agree that she's adorable. Your Lola Belly. She's all that a girl. Let's take my word I got the best of it. One good look will tell the rest of it. I'll keep pitchin' cause I'll be hitchin' to my Lola. Frankie doesn't like the car when he finds out it's for him and not for me. Honey, he's got to like it. He can't complain because he's pickin' it out himself. That's where my scheme is infallible. Infallible? Philip, watch that pretty mouth of yours. Them nine dollar words are pouring out promiscuously. Whoops, Sarah, go away. What kind of a car he picks? He has that awful taste. Well, he's gonna... Uh-oh, that must be him now, hold it. Come in. Well, I got you an automobile and it's the beauty. Come on outside, I'll show it to you. Where'd you see it, Alice? And I got a good deal on it, too. Uh, Remly. Hmm? Did, um, did you spend the whole 300? Well, not quite. I have a little change left over. How much change? $275. You paid $25 for a car? What kind of a... Time to knock it till you see it. Well, Alice, here's your car. Ain't she a knockout? Frankie. Notice how low-slung she is. Frankie. You'll be proud to drive a sleek, streamlined job like this. Frankie. You... What? That's the pile of cans Phil put out this morning. You sure? I got a sworn I parked it here. Oh, there it is, over there. Where? The big pile. The one leaning up against the garbage can. The one with the silries, silries, silries, silries sticking up the garbage can. The man was transcribed for earlier drawings. What's the matter, don't you like it? I guess it's all right, but isn't it kind of tired-looking? Why is it lying down? It's relaxing. When you get as old as that car, you'll sneak a short nap every chance you get to. An old car. It may not be brand new, but it's built better than the cars of today. It's got fine material in it. Just look at the eyes and glass and that windshield. A lot of extras, goggles, duster, and a spare set of candles for the headlights. Have you got a radio? Radio. It's got something better than that. It has a console with a three-way combination. Crystal set, gramophone, and stereotheken slide. Hey, let me see them records. Yeah, here you are. Nice set of cylinders. Good tunes, too. Oh, Susanna, camp town races. Here's a cutesy, honey, because I don't think this will make it. Your feeble attempt at humor is quite pathetic. Alice, aren't you happy with this car? Would you be happy with it? I've dreamed of having a car like this all my life. Woods that I could afford it. You could. Remly, I got news for you. This is your car. I bought it for you, not Alice. For me? You mean this beautiful car I picked out for Alice is the junk heap you bought for me? There she lays, Rob, and she's all yours. Don't you write in the nose. Don't fault, Frankie. Phil gave you $300 to buy a car, but you had to chisel and buy one for $25. You made your bed, now you'll have to sleep in it. I don't feel bad enough. She's got to come up with a corny expression like that. I ain't going to keep this scrap pile. Well, that's all you're going to get. Now, if you don't like it, sell it to somebody else at a profit and buy yourself a better one. Who can I get to buy this heap? I know a guy. Now he's stealing my character. How low can a man get? Alice, I don't know how you live with this man. Are you in love with him? Of course I am. Ah, you're just saying that. Come, girl, you can confide in me. What do you really think of him? Well, if you must know, I'll tell you. I like to lead to my song much better, and I work alone. This is in August. I'm as normal as blueberry pie. No more a smart little girl with no heart. I have found me a wonderful guy. I am in a conventional dither with a conventional star in my eye. And you will know there's a lump in my throat when I speak of that wonderful guy. I must try him as gay as a daisy and may it please shake him. I'm romantic and bright as the moon. Happy night pouring light on the dew. Jesus, corny as Kansas in love. If you'll excuse an expression I use. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love. Flag on the 4th of July. If you'll excuse me. I did was ask her what she thought of. She could have said I like them, but no, she had to make a production out of it. Going to a two-minute song. Hey, look, Frankie, forget about that. Now, look, I've been thinking it over. Now, if you don't like the car, you don't have to keep it. Take it back to the guy you bought it from and get the money. I can't do that. The guy's no longer alive. What are you talking about? You just bought the car from him an hour ago. I know. When I told him I'd take it, he dropped dead. Oh, well, anyway, he collapsed. Well, now, you know, Remly, come to think of it. Now, just quiet down a minute. This car doesn't look too bad. Well, maybe it does. Well, if it has a good motor, you can have the body fixed up and it'll be OK. This ain't no dead moose. My new automobile. This is an automobile? Where did you get this monstrosity? It's not a monstrosity. This automobile happens to be a family heirloom. My grandfather handed it down to my father. Well, old Butterfingers must have dropped it. Although it's an heirloom and very dear to me, I'm going to sell this automobile. Are you kidding? Who'd buy this monstrosity? Stop calling it a monstrosity. I will if you stop calling it an automobile. Even though this heirloom's worth a lot of money, I'm forced to sell it at a sacrifice. And since you're the dearest friend I got, I want you to have it. It's worth $3,000, but if you make me a reasonable offer, it's yours. You mean you're willing to sell me this valuable family heirloom? It's worth $3,000, and you're willing to let me have it at a sacrifice? That's right. What's your top offer? $1.35. You're offering me $1.35 for this beautiful car? I started too high, huh? This is a good buy. It's got a wonderful engine. Dude, come on. Steam or batteries? That don't be a wise guy. It's a modern engine. It's economical to run. It don't use much fuel. How much mileage can I get? Well, the last guy who had it got as much as 50 miles to one quart of wood. I can use charcoal if you want. Just think you'll be the only kid at school with a charcoal broiled Essex. Look, son, this is a great buy. Come on, we'll take you for a ride. Julius, you start the motor. Okay, where's the crank? You don't need a crank for this car. Of course not. It's a cinch to start this motor. Do you see that slot, Julius, on the side of the hood? Yeah, what about it? Here's the key. Wind it up. What are you trying to do? Kill my sail? Oh, this car has a self-starter. I'll show you. Oh! Choke it. Can't you come in with it? No. Say something. Curly, are you all right? Oh, yeah. Always ride with my head between my knees. Look at that mess you've made out of that store one. Do you've broken everything at... Uh-oh. Here comes the owner. Well, do you gentlemen wish to be waited on? No, thank you. We're just browsing. Well, we were window shopping and we overdid it. How do you got? I'll take you apart. I don't want any trouble. It's not our fault. I'll pay for any damage we've done. Now, how much do I owe you? $1,500 and you're not leaving here till I get the money. Well, I haven't got $1,500 on me. Where am I going to get it? Don't worry, Curly. I'll get it. I feel partly responsible for this accident. I know a guy who'll let me have $1,500. Loan me your car so I can drive over and get it. All right. Here are the keys, but hurry, Remly. Will you hurry? $1,400, $1,500. There you are, mister. Okay. Now you can go, Harris. Oh, Frankie, you're a lifesaver. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't get that $1,500. That's all right, Curly. You know me. I'll do anything for a pal. What a day. What a day. Now, come on. Let's get my car and go home. Where'd you park it? What's on that lot on the corner of Fifth and Main? Well, let's go on over there and get... Hey, wait a minute. That's a huge car lot. Of course. Where do you think I got the $1,500? Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. But right now, our Rexall family drugist has a customer. What's the name of that Rexall antacid you sold me a little while back? You must mean Bismarrex, ma'am. Bismarrex. That's it. I don't think I've ever found faster relief for acid indigestion. That's because Bismarrex works like a team in a relay race. Like a relay race? What on earth do you mean? Well, the carefully balanced ingredients in Bismarrex vary in the time required for solubility, so that each one works in sequence, like a four-man relay race. I get it. One ingredient starts in where the other leaves off. That's it. The first man or ingredient promptly relieves the heartburn that comes from food fermentation in the stomach. The next one races to neutralize hyperacidity. The third one eases gastric distress, and the finish man leaves a soothing protective covering for irritated stomach membranes. No wonder Bismarrex gives such fast relief. Well, ma'am, that kind of quality applies to all of Rexall's 2,000 or more drug products, and that's why 10,000 family druggists will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. You know, Phil, you were lucky to get your car back from that used car lot. I certainly wasn't, Remly. You ain't gonna bar it no more. You got your own car now. Anytime you want it, just go down to the grocery and take it out of the window. I already got it out. I gave it to my aunt as a present. Your aunt don't drive. What's she gonna do with it? She's having it wired. She's gonna make a lap out of it. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips. Included in today's cast were Ruth Davis and Herb Beigel. The part of Frankie Remly was played by Elliot Lewis, and Julius was played by Walter Tetley. Alice Faye appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Any special tips for drugstore shoppers this week? You bet, ma'am, a good one. Rexall-ammoniated tooth powder. Many dental authorities believe that the use of ammoniated tooth powder means a decided lessening in tooth decay. And now Rexall brings it to you at the unbelievably low price of only 39 cents for a three-ounce bottle. Why? That's less than I pay for ordinary tooth powder. And what's more, ma'am, Rexall-ammoniated tooth powder is licensed by the University of Illinois Foundation and backed by the same uncompromising standards that apply to all of Rexall's 2,000 or more drug products. Ask for it wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. There's a family drugist inside who will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Stay tuned for the Adventures of Sam Spade, which follows immediately on NBC.