 what's up everybody welcome back to my channel i hope that you're all doing well welcome back to this little podcast series that we have going and i think this is episode five i could be wrong i should have double checked that but i think this is episode five let me check hold on okay yes this is indeed episode five today i thought we could talk about a few things i have learned since i started dating again and please keep in mind that when i make these episodes and i'm talking to you about these things we're in this together i'm figuring this out with you but i don't know these things that i'm going through or that i have been going through this year just have really been on my heart to share with you guys and i've gotten so many comments and messages from you guys saying that you know you're going through something similar and you know this helps you to feel you know not alone and whatever and that's why i do it because we can learn from each other i learned from your comments down below and i hope that you can take certain things away from the things that i say in these videos so i've said it before and i'll say it again i never want to come across as like i'm preaching to you in any way we're really in this together and we're figuring this out together besties okay so i have a list of seven things here that i jotted down that i am going to mention and there are things to keep in mind when you're ready to start dating again the first thing is i had to learn to worry less about whether they liked me and worry more about whether i even liked them and it sounds stupid but if you're like me and you're more of like a people pleaser and you overthink and you're always thinking about oh i wonder how they felt about me when i did this or when i said this or did that make me unattractive or did that make me you know whatever that's the way that my mind works my mind is on overdrive 24-7 and i'm always thinking of these things but when you're going into a date you almost have to think about it i don't want to say have to but it helps to think about it as like i'm just going to be myself and i'm going to focus more on whether this person would work in my life whether this person is someone that's going to be worthy of keeping around or someone who's going to be compatible with me so i've learned to just go on dates with an open mind and go and have fun and just be myself i'm not putting on a show for anybody i would hope that they wouldn't be putting on a show for me and the whole point is to go see if you would be compatible and if not you never have to see them again and that's the beauty of it so worry less about what they're thinking about you thinking about how much they like you and worry and focus more about whether you even like them the second thing is rejection is not as personal as it feels again going back to the overthinking and the people pleasing if somebody else suddenly is like i don't want to see sam anymore of course the first thing i'm going to feel is oh that hurts that stings what's wrong with me but it's not personal it's not them saying that you're a bad person just like if i went on a date and i was like oh this guy is not going to be compatible with my lifestyle it's nothing about him personally i'm not saying he's a bad person he's just not going to be the one for me and it's very rare that the first person you go on a date with or the first person you meet on an app or you know whatever is going to be your person does it happen yeah absolutely and i respect and i am a little envious of those people because it doesn't happen but it's rare so it's going to happen you're either going to not feel it they're not going to feel it and it's it's normal and sometimes the thing that sucks is that the other person may realize it first so then you're the one left being you know feeling rejected but it's not about you personally like i said it's all just about compatibility and that person is is doing you a favor and it opens the door for someone else who could be more compatible with you so try not to take it too too personally especially when you've only been on two three dates with this person you didn't lose that much time that much effort that much energy i'm assuming so it's okay just move on and find somebody who is better for you and let that person find somebody who's better for them okay the third one i wrote down is don't choose something that's not choosing you so this kind of piggy backs off of the last one right if someone you can feel that someone's pulling away somebody's acting different the vibes are different maybe they're not as interested or they don't seem as interested anymore if it feels forced just let it go because you want someone who's going to want to choose you who's going to be so excited about you and if they're not excited about you you can do better again that's not saying that they're a bad person but you can find better for you don't chase it you should have to you should attract your person i believe you shouldn't have to chase it and i think this also relates to that saying of like if they like you you'll know they'll make it clear they'll make their intentions clear and if they don't like you you'll be confused and you'll be wondering oh why aren't they texting me back why does it feel weird what whatever that's how you know so if it's not choosing you i say oh boy okay number four is a question i'm gonna leave you with i'm not gonna say anything i'm just gonna leave you with the question i read this somewhere and it just stuck with me and so now i'm gonna leave it with you ready i think this is so important when it comes to choosing someone that you actually really want to date and be in a relationship ready if you weren't physically attracted to this person would you be friends with them number five i wrote you don't have to be perfect to be loved perfection is not a thing it's not relatable it's not attainable nobody's perfect and you have to find somebody who is willing to put up with your imperfections and vice versa somebody who makes you feel like you're asking for too much or you are too much to love is not the person for you it's just it's literally as simple as that you're not going to be perfect they're not going to be perfect and you have to decide if you like this person enough to deal with that and figure out all the imperfections and live with them so don't focus again this goes back to the first thing like you don't have to be perfect you don't have to put on this show just be yourself and find somebody who you're going to be compatible with despite these things okay piggybacking off of number five number six is owning flaws and this is my opinion owning your flaws and your vulnerability i think is one of the most attractive things that you could do and i'm not saying that you have to be an open book right away on date two you have to get to know the person first and i get that i think over time letting your walls come down is really important and this is coming from someone whose walls are quite high but it's something that i think we all have to work on being vulnerable is not most people's strong suit but i think in order to figure out okay is this person my person you have to show them who you really are and the way to do that is to slowly let the walls down and everyone is going to do that at their own pace it's just going to come down to when you guys feel the most comfortable around each other so this is not like early on in dating but just part of dating someone in general i guess if that makes any sense yeah everybody's timeline is going to look a little bit different but you're also gonna you know if you need a little bit more time to get there then you need someone who's going to be patient with you and if they can't be then that's probably not the person for you so i do think like i said owning your flaws and being vulnerable is one of the most attractive things men and women can do and last but not least number seven i want you to remember that the person for you will embrace the things that you once thought you had to hide things that you feel like you have to put a show on or you can't be super open and transparent about because it might be embarrassing or it might be less than favorable or it might be a little bit different than the norm or whatever it is we all have those things the right person is going to embrace those things ask you about those things support you on those things and you should do the same in return and i think as soon as you start to notice that you feel like you maybe can't tell this person this because they might think it's weird or judge you or whatever that might be your sign that that may not be your person or maybe you're just not letting the walls come down and you're self-sabotaging because i do that too but i think the right person is gonna pull it out of you and the right person should give you comfort in every aspect of life in every aspect about you and if you feel like you're walking on egg shells or can't be yourself or can't be truthful then that might be your sign that there might be somewhere something better for you so i think i have rambled enough those were my seven little things that i wrote down that i have been thinking about and trying to teach myself as i navigate the dating world if there is anything that you have learned i would love to read your comments down below whether you're single in a relationship married whatever it is whatever you've learned from dating i would love to read your comments down below and i would love for all of us to read each other's comments and just learn from each other i think that's that's my ultimate goal here with this podcast series so i hope that you guys enjoyed i hope that you took a little something away from it thank you so much for watching and for being here and i will see you next time bye guys