 And you were sad and skinny. I was sad, so I spent a lot of time. I did the work for two years. Right. And then I transferred to Northwestern University to the theater program there. So that's Chicago. And then it was completely different. Then that was the beginning of my new life. Did it turn around? Did your sadness turn around? Do you remember the day? Was there? No. The sadness did not turn around. No. Did no. As a matter of fact, in some ways it was worse because I was being asked to confront it directly because we were doing sort of method work. Were you able to? Not very well. Not very well. I remember my teacher and Woodworth, a wonderful teacher who I learned so much from, didn't even realize how much I learned from until I'd gone to try to work professionally for years. Yeah. And then I went, oh, this is what she was teaching me. She saw through a lot of my bullshit and my charm and my vassal. I could learn lines very quickly. I got to get a sense of how the scene might work. But there wasn't a lot of emotional truth to the work that I did. And she kept on saying, but how do you feel? And I remember blowing up at her once. Anger. Oh, blowing up with her because she wasn't buying my well constructed facsimile of human emotion for her. And she said, how do you feel? How do you actually feel? I'm like, I feel fine. Really? How do you feel? And I remember her sitting on the edge of the stage and me, out of nowhere, not knowing how it happened, me looming over her like a wave about to break on her because I'm standing on stage and she's sitting on the edge and she's not looking at me. She's sort of looking off to the side and me going, I don't like yelling, not even at you and you want me to yell. And she just said, how do you feel? Like that. And it completely undid me. Did you cry? Yeah, absolutely. Classic acting class as therapy, which it should not be, really gets mistaken for therapy a lot. And that's one of the reasons why I love Barry. That TV show is so brilliant. It's so good. It's perfect in every way. I've watched it. It's so good. It's perfect in every way. And I recognize that acting class so perfectly. But that's that moment though where, without understanding it, the relationship between sadness and anger is very close. Because anger is not really your emotion. Anger is your last armor before you show your actual emotion. Like I felt, when you just did that exercise in explanation, I felt it. Like I felt that because I'm a guy who lives in a certain, or did in a certain amount of anger, had a fear of being engulfed by the sadness. Sure. Like that, like. Or to be judged for your feelings. Well, yeah, I don't know. For me, it was vulnerability too, to be seen as these feelings were so debilitating. But it's all you want to do is be seen, though. Really? Yes. You want to be seen, but instead you create some very close version of yourself for people to see. Yeah, innately. It's not like you're seeing it going on again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Right. It's just, yeah. It snaps together about Legos. Like a version of you snaps together like Legos without even thinking about it. Right. And I'm at this place right now in my life where I'm like, I don't want to manage that shit anymore. What am I so afraid of? You know, like if I open that up, it will never, the crying will never stop? Yes. If you pay any attention, if you pay any attention to the world, the crying will never stop. That's right. It's true. And it just kind of locks in with the sadness that's already there, if you already have that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a daily thing, man. Yeah. Right? All right, so that's a bit of a breakthrough when I realize, oh, I kind of realize in that moment, oh, I am, which is obvious, of course, but I'm not looking at myself. Again, I'm shaving, looking at a cork board. I'm not really looking at the mirror. Right, but that was one of those moments. Oh, it was one of those moments. Oh, I guess I am damaged. Right. And my teacher actually said I won't teach you anymore unless you go to therapy. Oh, wow, did you? Yeah, I did, yeah. Did it help? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I took it mildly seriously. Yeah. It's like, I realized, all I did was like open me to the idea that I got a lot of work to do. Yeah. And then I didn't do that work. No, you can hold on to that idea. Like, I just recently re-engaged that idea. Like within the last few weeks. I got a lot of work to do. I got work to do, I'm going to go do it. Nope, and then I didn't do it. No. I didn't do it, but at least, you know, A, she kept me in her class. And also, I became at least aware enough to know that I've got a lot of unresolved stuff going on, and I wonder what that is. Still? Not as much, no, no, not that time, yeah. Did the work do itself? No, 100% did not do itself. I had a nervous breakdown when I was 29. Like literally like 10 years after I don't do the work, 10 years later, I had a nervous, like completely, like I wouldn't wish this panic attack on anyone. I wouldn't wish, I wouldn't wish on anyone. But my worst enemy is I wouldn't want to make feel the way I felt for months. At 29? 29, yeah, yeah. So a month married, one month married. How about that? How's that a wedding present for your wife? Is that the guy that she thought she married, she comes home, she's like, well, what did you do all day? I'm walking tight circles around a couch. Yeah. You know, she's like, how was your day? And I'm like, you're looking at it? Because I was just, if I physically kept moving, if I physically kept moving, like it wouldn't get me. Oh, from the inside. Or back here, back in the peripheral vision, when you can't see it, it's always there. The worst possible thing that'll ever happen to you, which must never be named, or ever be known. Right, you just gotta stay steady. Just keep moving, keep moving. That was at 29. Yeah, yeah.