 All right, everybody, welcome day four of the 21 Convention London, the men's conference of the century. Yes, absolutely. Coming to the stage next, this will be his fourth time speaking at the 21 Convention. Great guy, fun man. He's gonna be speaking on the sexual life. Please welcome Steve Eltopo Maeda. What's up? What's up? All right, so once again, speaking at the 21 Convention, and I wanna say that anytime I speak, and I speak a lot, not necessarily in terms of these settings, but gosh, like once a week, it's always an honor and a privilege to speak. And hopefully by the end of the speech, you will realize what I mean by that. First off, what I wanna get into is this, and I like to write things down. If I misspell anything, let me know because I don't wanna look like too much of an idiot. But I want to talk about the sexual life. All right, and what this means. And first, we're gonna get to this and a bunch of theoretical stuff and all that fun philosophical, conceptual, you know, all that interesting stuff. And then we're gonna move to some material that will allow you to apply it. And I think that oftentimes when you hear people talk about anything which comes to personal change, there's usually an imbalance, an imbalance of theory and concepts and all that sort of stuff and then application. If you have too much application, you don't get to the theory, it doesn't quite work that well. And if you have too much conceptual stuff, philosophy and no theory, it doesn't quite catalyze. So the best way to learn is to mix them both. All right, so really simply here, what I wanna talk about are these three things. Sex, seduction and sexuality. Now, one thing that I like when I'm speaking and Peter will truly appreciate this is anytime you guys wanna interact, just raise your hand. If, you know, from a long, long time ago, when I first started speaking, in fact, like when I would first give like what they called layer talks, nobody else was doing them. And it was pretty interesting. It was like myself and Brad P and everybody else kind of did something else. Now everybody does them. But one of the rules was if you have something to say, just raise your hand. I'll call on you, you know, whenever whenever it's convenient or whenever I'm done with whatever thought. But when we get to this, one of the problems that happens when we're working, working seduction is when we're working seduction, when we're working anything like pickup or whatever it is, we get a misconception of these deals. And when it comes down to it, a lot of the stuff that I hear from people is more about attention. It's more about getting somebody's attention, putting stuff on, creating a show, stepping outside of yourself. And from my kind of school of thought and where I've always kind of taken things is you can absolutely be yourself and do this. However, in being yourself, you're gonna have to follow some principles. And when it comes down to it, when it comes down to these three things, those to me are the most important of all of this. You know, and when you walk away from the convention, you start meeting and connecting and interacting with people, whether it's with a girlfriend or whether it's whatever kind of sexual life you want, this is gonna be the most important stuff to think about. And right here, with kind of like my concepts and philosophies towards stuff, this is sex. And sex is simply an action. Sex is an action, we all know what it is. You know, you hook up with somebody and you connect in all sorts of different ways and it can happen in all sorts of different ways. But it's simply an action. And many times, what happens is, we start to define our self, our person, our entire being, which would end up being the sexuality purely by our actions towards sex. Now, seduction, the next one here is a process, okay? So that's everything before, that's everything during, that's everything after. And in fact, you don't even need to be having sex to allow seduction to happen. And that's something that confuses people all the time. And sexuality is the result of all this. So really simply, an action, the process, and the result. Now what's important about this is last year, before the Sweden Convention, I was in Austin, where my buddy Jason Savage lives, and he came to the convention, he did a preview speech of what the convention would be and I videotaped a bunch of it and videotaped this stuff afterwards and I was like, man, this is, and I've seen Jason speak many times. In fact, the story goes, he came and saw me speak years and years and years and years ago in Austin. And he came up to me afterwards and he was like, you know, talking about himself, talking about himself and what was going on. And then he said his name, Jason Savage, I'm like, oh man, I've heard about you, you slept with my buddy Dave's house and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he remembered it as this great thing. And then about a year after that, he called me up. And the guy's kind of a reclusive dude. He called me up and he said, man, you know, I've gone through whatever shit and everybody goes through highs and lows. And he was saying, I've gone through a lot of shit and everything in the community's just like totally fucked up. I wanna be doing the stuff that you're doing. The stuff that you're saying that I'm reading about is what I wanna be doing. So when can we talk? And basically what happened was I came down to Austin, saw him speak and he gave a speech about like arousal and desire and all this crazy shit. And I'm like, dude, what the fuck, man? Like, you're the guy that I wanna listen to. And every time that guy spoke, it was like I tried to soak in as much as possible. And he came back from his Europe trip in October and I picked him up from the airport and he was staying at my, I took him up with a place to stay with my buddy's house. And he said, man, look, number one thing is I agree with you now, man. The community is like fucking up people's lives, which he never really said before. And I asked him why and he's like, because it has nothing to do with sexuality. It has nothing to do with what people are doing and how they're presenting themselves, how they're putting themselves out there in the world, how they're asserting themselves, how they're connecting, how they're loving women and appreciating women. And he brought up a few things. He said, man, as simple as this, like guys stay in the community and they stay in that kind of like pickup mindset and they ultimately will go nowhere. They'll get good at getting attention. They'll get good at making friends. They'll get good at not being themselves, all right? And ultimately they'll end up being angry and worse off and all this other crazy stuff. And he said, if somebody is not being sexual, right? If they're not asserting their sexuality, then they need to get sexual as quick as possible. So what does that mean? And by then I was already kind of like messing with the concepts of the sexual life. What is that? What is it to live a sexual life? What is it to have sex? What is it to fall in love? What is it to get those SNLs? What is it to have those experiences? And man, I thought about it so much, so much. And I ended up talking to more women than men about this. In fact, I brought this up before, but initially in the community, what I learned was from other instructors. It was like I went to a boot camp. It was amazing. One of the best guys in the world, Captain Jack, was at the boot camp. He did the best out of all the instructors and he was like totally mellow and not all flashy. Did nothing about attention, any of that shit. And then he happened to live in Dallas. And I lived in Dallas as well, Fort Worth. And I got good, hung out with him, and I listened to everything he would say. He'd tell me to approach, I'd approach, and he'd tell me to do certain things, but mainly I watched him. And then over time, I started to work with clients. I'd work with those clients and I'd see them do things. I'd see them seduce in different ways, get more sexually direct. I'd see them do different things which were outside of the box of the community norm. And I started to learn more from them. And over time, like I said, I started to interact with women and I learned by far the most from them. And that's what this is all about, is getting better, talking to women and learning to appreciate them rather than waging a war against them. And in last year's speech, I was kind of like the main point was that a pickup guy ends up hating women. And ultimately, you know, kind of like downplays himself, always doing kind of routines or stepping outside of himself a little bit too much. And a seducer can do literally the same things, all the same shit. And you're seeing this more and more at the speakers coming to the 21 convention, but they'll love women as their end result. And that is a huge, huge difference. So what happened to me through all of this is that I learned how to get laid pretty quick. I learned how to get pretty good at it. The whole SNL term comes from all the Dallas people before it was like a fool's made and all this other shit. And I was having sex, right? I was having sex, but not defining my sexuality, not falling in love with the process of seduction, the appreciation of women. And so my sexuality was defined by the sexual actions I was having. And when you look at what's happening in our culture and, you know, I'm from the US and so I'll say culture in the US, but also culture all over when I see people talk, when we talk about sexuality, nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to talk about it and make it a part of their life. You know, they all want it to be something which is exaggerated or outside of the box. And I was really thinking about this. I'm going to come back to this, but I wanna... I was prompted to write in red. Whoops. I was prompted to write in red. So maybe that's more red mole-esque. But one of the things is we talk about connection, right? We talk about connection, right? So when we connect with somebody, that is the ultimate goal for all of us, all right? That is the ultimate goal. Like if I'm connecting with you guys, it gives me, it fulfills my purpose, it fulfills, you know, everything about me, my entire lifestyle. You know, I love what I do. I love talking to people. I love interacting with people. Even before the speech, you know, there was a bunch of stuff going on and I was in my head a little bit. The best thing I can do is go and have an interaction with a person, but I need to connect with them. And here's the difference. It's so much in our culture, and even when it comes to things like sexuality, we're afraid to connect. We're afraid to connect. And so what do we do? We put stuff on, we change things. We do things outside of the box. We do things that we're told. We learn a system. We learn a mechanic. We learn a method. We learn something that will carry us over because if we're connecting, being our real self, we're afraid of that. And we're exercising our fear. And when we are exercising the side that's the fear side, the only thing that we come up with is shame, right? So think about this. And this is the crux of a lot of the things that I do. Most of the time when I speak, I speak at rehabilitation centers for like prisons and whatnot and people that are dealing with addiction. And our culture is the most, what can you say, in debt, overweight, unhappy, addicted culture that we've seen in the world to date. And there's so many people searching outside of this. And all that it comes from is this fear to connect, right? And when I'm afraid to say that I like you and I'm afraid to assert who I am because I'm afraid of what you're gonna think of me, then all I can do is put a mask on. And that mask is an action and that action ultimately goes towards this sort of shame. And what's interesting is if we were to break through that fear, what would we need to do? And there's one thing which separates people from I guess so many different, how could you say, which separates them from those barriers of those fears of self. And this is gonna be an interesting thing because this is not a technique by any means but it's vulnerability, all right? And so when I would do stuff, I remember talking with picket people all the time and I'd have all these stories, right? And I'd talk about things. I'd talk about how I lost my virginity at 18 and the first girl that I was with ended up being kidnapped and had this horrible, horrible experience happen to and it totally fucked up my world sexually. I didn't have a girlfriend. We stayed together for six months after that. I didn't have a girlfriend from 18 to 21. And then my relationships after that was like lying about my sexual experience and lying about my relationship experience. And it was just all this anger, anger, anger. And I would talk about those things with people. I would talk about those things with women and everybody in the whole kind of like dating circle, seduction circles where you can't do that. Well, wait a minute, Steve's doing that because he's being vulnerable. It's a technique. It's a technique to get comfort and that's not it because I don't want a technique in order to define my sexuality. I want a technique so that I, it's not even a technique. I want to do something which could be myself. So let me talk about this concept of vulnerability which is fascinatingly written here but if we all speak English, we can hear me say it. But anyway, in terms of vulnerability, what that means is that my desire for connection, my desire to talk to somebody, my desire to be sexual, my desire to be myself, overrides my fears of covering that up, all right? And so that's important, you know? What I want to get out of somebody and it has so much less to do with, it has so much less to do with the girl being hot or a certain class or whatever because man, I don't give a shit about that. What I give a shit about is that intimacy of connecting with somebody. That's what I care about. But let's say I'm having a bad day. Let's say something happens like a sale falls through and I'm like, man, why am I letting myself happen? Let's say I get in a trap again where once again in my life, I've repeated the same mistake over and over again and I'm down on myself and I'm just like, God fuck, I'm fucked man, Jesus. Once again, I'm screwed and my head starts to fuck with me. But what's so important is what I have to realize is rather than some sort of like technique, some sort of trick, some sort of thing I wear, some sort of way I talk to somebody, the thing that is truly driving me is the desire for this connection. The desire to have a human to human interaction. And I don't know about you guys, but I just watched these interviews of the attendees at the 21 convention and they're saying, no man, the interaction with the guys who are speaking is like one of the best parts. And you know why that is? Because interacting with people is such a monumental, monumental thing. I mean, look, it's not just, it doesn't just come to sex, it doesn't just come to seduction. But when you're actually talking to somebody and somebody feels that change of a human to human connection, somebody that you can relate with that's been in your shoes and has changed and gives you that belief and makes you feel things that you've never felt, that is something which I feel is on the magnitude of what I would consider a spiritual experience. And myself, I'm not really a religious guy, but I'll talk a lot about that shit. So this vulnerability is a huge thing that we need to look for. And what that means is not necessarily telling a story which is bad about yourself, not telling a story which is some gut-wrenching thing, but it's telling a story which is honest about who you are. Honest about who you are that even though you may be afraid of what other people think of you, even though you might be afraid of what your girlfriend might say, even though you know that the best thing in the world is that you might have to stop something, switch a job and a relationship, start a relationship. But that fear of what the outcome might be for you cannot define you and that you have to have that honesty in order to connect to somebody. All right, how this all relates back to the sexual life is that again, we want to define ourselves, we wanna define ourselves in an order where our actions towards sex, which could even be approaching a girl. It could be doing all sorts of crazy sexual experiments, could be having three sims, it could be having whatever orgies, it could be doing things that you've always wished you'd done. But if you're not doing them, they always exaggerate in your mind. Like for instance, people wanna go to a strip club with me and they'll be man, I wanna always fuck strippers, I always wanna fuck strippers. And one of the best things I ever heard when my favorite speeches that I've ever seen is Hypnotica when he spoke and somebody in the guy manages a strip club, right? Or works and I don't know what the whole situation is, but the guy knows what's up. And somebody's saying, what about strippers? He goes, I've had some exceptional relationships with dancers, but why would you want that? Like why are you wanting that? Think about that. What do you know about your sexuality that you would actually want that? Because from my experience, there can be a whole lot of baggage that comes with it, not saying that that's always the case. But why do you want that? Because you're in love with a fantasy. Because you're in love with that thing that's keeping you from that experience, you know? That vulnerability of saying what you really want and why you want those things isn't being exercised. And that fear of desiring that fantasy is dominating your perspective, your decisions and all that sort of stuff. So what I wanted to do in living the sexual life, you need to have your actions be humbled by your seduction. And what seduction is, is seduction is a process. Seduction is something that's felt. So seduction, which is an interaction with a dance. In fact, a long time ago, there's this guy that goes by the name Shaft, and he's from Dallas and he's part of the Dallas scene. And he said the difference between everybody out there because he would come to different workshops and that we'd be doing and he'd see other instructors. He said the difference of what's happening in Dallas, especially kind of from that Captain Jack type route, is that it's a dance with people. It's an interaction and it happens quite quick and it's great but it's enjoyable. And even if we have sex or not, it doesn't really matter so much. What matters so much is the actual interaction with that person, this seduction part. And when you start to get this down and again, it doesn't mean that you're having acts of sex. It means that you're enjoying interacting with people. It's an exchange by definition. Then our sexuality starts to be defined. And what happens in our culture, man, how we see sexuality, is we see it purely as, we see it as porn or shame. And it's usually a combination of both of these. Dude, seriously, if you asked me a couple of years ago, what is fucking sexuality? I'll talk to my buddies and we'll have guy talk and I still have guy talk with my buddies and it still can go something like this but I know this isn't the only definition. It's like, oh man, I met this chick and dude, I fucking dominated her. I totally enslaved her, he filed her, made her, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I made her say this and that. And these things were happening and then I got her friend or then there's these pickup guys who sell books on how to have sex and seduce challenging me on seducing women. So I'll get them to, I'll get the chick to suck my dick in front of them and then say suck all their dick so they can't get it up and I laugh at them. But I won't say who but that to me was like, man, that's my sexuality, that's it. And it's all this shit talking stuff which is fun to have and that's not wrong but it's wrong when that's the only thing, right? So we see all this fucking crazy stuff which is pornography, we hear all these stories and man, that's what's getting us to click the button, click the button, stay in front of the computer, watch whatever screen and blah, blah, blah, blah, and that's defining our sexuality but then we secretly go home and we start, we're not having sex or we're not interacting with women or we're talking to women. In fact, this was a rule, I came out of like a really sexually aggressive camp, it was your first 50 lays, don't count. You hook up with anybody, you know what? You get really good at learning how to escalate, you get really good at logistics, you get really good at the technical aspects of game but you don't learn how to be yourself and you don't learn how to exchange with somebody and you start having sex with people and you don't like it and even you feel like this is the worst combination, you're in Las Vegas and you have sex with this girl that's like super hot and she's drunk and annoying but she's super hot and you feel nothing and nothing's happening and then you start having sex with people like in all these exaggerated ways and your sexuality's defined as this weird sort of act or weird sort of control or all that stuff which is that fear, right? That fear which is an acting of shame, that fear to connect, that fear to connect with the real me. I think I have to do this because I saw Eric Everhard do this to Tori Black or some shit, right? I'm seeing these guys go crazy in those ways and actually I bring him up because he's a guy that I know and he's a guy that even helps me with my perspective towards these things because he's grown past it, you know? But we start thinking that that's our sexuality and I'll tell you what, about three years ago, so I've been in this thing five years, the first two years, all I did was focus on being a badass pickup artist and yeah, I had the red stack, I had a lot of customization, my theme has always been in some way be yourself but still, I was taking actions, your actions defining my actions were getting laid and I seriously thought, man, I seriously thought that I was never going to have good sex again, that it would not happen. I knew how to get a chick, I knew how to get a chick that I'd like but I didn't know how to be myself with her and it's so weird because I'm crazy, man. When I got in the community, I stuck with the community guys but I also sought out people, people who actually helped me more than those community guys, I sought out guys like my buddy at the California Pimp who's a porn guy and I sought out guys who had done all sorts of weird managed strip clubs or managed sex workers or whatever and I really talked to those guys and what I learned was I was obsessed with that technique, obsessed with that technique and I got to that point where man, it was, I was talking about this to somebody, these two sisters who do work for the convention every once in a while and they're like, Jesus, that was a little bit too much information but I was like, man, when I'd be having sex with people it was more like masturbating rather than connecting with somebody and it was as if a human body or something that I knew was like a potential to be this awesome, awesome experience that could completely move you and humble you was just nothing, it was like gray matter and again, it was about control, it was about control and what happened was, you hit a bottom with it, you hit a bottom with it and you start looking for answers and when you're humbled in that way you really do it and hopefully it carries through and all that fun stuff, by all means somebody told me the other day, I don't think I've hit bottom yet and I'm like, well, don't worry about it, you shouldn't try to hit a bottom and those things should naturally happen or whatever and your bottom's also where you stop digging and what happened was I had to learn that love of seduction and that love of connecting with people and again, those are those times when Jason Savage came into my life three years ago, that was the time when I met my girlfriend that lives far away and we have all sorts of interesting relationships and that was also when I started to pay attention to different people, when I started to voice things more to women and talk to them about it and really get the idea of I knew that women were just as sexually aggressive as anybody else but at the same time, I didn't quite understand why and it was still when they'd tell me like well just be yourself, I'm attracted to confidence, you're like what the fuck does that mean, right? But then when I got them to explain to really talk about those things, connect to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be me to connect with them and actually talk with them and see what those things meant, see that they may be horny but if a sexual experience goes bad or they have the best sex of their life and afterwards somebody talks shit on them or whatever that they start to feel bad about who they are and I'm like man, man I can relate with that, I can relate with that and I started to realize more that it was like I was the, a woman was here and a man was here and they define each other, it wasn't that I became more of a man to somehow submit her or she became more of a woman to somehow submit me, it was that together that exchange actually matched us and made us equals and that I had to learn to connect in that way which then I started to have better interactions with people, learn the seduction and actually in a lot of ways have less sex, have less crazy sex and it can still be all sorts of nuts but that defined my sexuality and as long as I was respecting my sexuality that was key. All right, now what I wanted to get into I guess I should have written something there but I want to actually get into some content because that will allow you guys to interact a little bit more and interaction is how my brain is stimulated. So when we come to like material, right? I truly believe, like I said, there's an imbalance of information and theory and all that sort of stuff and action, they're not coming together and what we want to do is we want to merge those two things together and when it comes to material there's a good buddy of mine that was also massively influential, this guy Terrence who lives in Austin and you'll never know about him and sometimes you'll hear him on a podcast and it's the best fucking thing ever and he'll sit there and he'll talk to me I always talk to him before I give speeches although this time I didn't enough and he's like, he's like, man, I was just reading online about this guy, he took a boot camp and the instructor's saying that he got laid on the first night and he's like, man, fuck that. Like Jesus Christ, he's talking about this stuff and I'm like, what are you talking about, man? That's a good thing and he's like, look dude, that actually works against him in the long run. That's great, he feels good about it but that's like you're playing basketball and you shoot a shot from center court and you make it and you call yourself a basketball player and he's like, man, that's like what's happening in the whole seduction world. It's all meant to sell, it's all meant to sell and all this sort of crazy stuff and I'll also say things, he's like, everybody's always asking you about sexually framing. That's the big thing that came out of Dallas, how to sexually frame. He's like, fuck that, man, fuck framing. That just means you're afraid to experience and it's all about the experience. You're fucking afraid to experience, it's good to lose control. Or the other night, Terrence is like, Terrence is the most fun to have in many settings but especially a strip club and he had not been to me in a strip club with me in like a year and he's like, man, that one girl, that one girl, you know who I'm talking about? Man, it's obvious that you like her more than she likes you and I'm like, man, fuck you but it's like totally true, you know? And I'm like, dude, fuck you, man, I got it down. He's like, no, no, man, be out of control. Be out of control, let yourself be you, let yourself grow. Why the fuck do you think you gotta control everything? Let yourself be you, let yourself get beaten up, let yourself get hurt. Now, that being said, so that you guys have a venue so that you can kind of apply these things, this is something which I call rapport cycling, all right? So, so one of the things with this is that this is infinitely the best way to communicate with anybody in any way, shape or form and you can do it instantly in any situation. Yes, at night time when there's high energy, you probably need to isolate but you should be able to get started in this within two minutes in any interaction. You can open with it, you can talk with it, you can do any of those things and it's, you know, what's awesome is James, James Marshall from Australia was up here speaking. He was talking about these conversational patterns and I'm like, that's the same thing and what's so funny is he brought up the idea of challenging and you never hear that in the pickup industry. You hear about qualification, qualification is a technique, you know, it's a technique to get a result rather than what it was really meant. So what will happen with rapport cycling is one, this is no magic trick. I want you guys to learn this so that you can get into a conversation yourself and start augmenting it, change it. Remember, the people that I learned most from were the people that actually worked with me. You know, they were the people that evolved all this shit and so this comes from me actually interacting with my different clients and also the different women that, you know, I've talked to, made friends with and all that sort of fun stuff with. So rapport cycling, it's an easy way to get into a good conversation and accomplish two things, two very important things. One qualification and two rapport and you should be able to do it one minute to like five minutes, I mean maybe 10 minutes if you want to elongate it out but push yourselves. I mean, you can do it quite quickly, all right? Now to explain, qualification has four functions, right? So I definitely came from like teaching pickup which is kind of interesting but I have this whatever, spacey vibe towards stuff. But to break it down, number one, qualification is to gain value. That's what everybody says. They say, man, if I ask, what are you passionate about and she answers, I'm more powerful than her. So yeah, okay, there's some value dynamic in a conversation, it's not probably the greatest way to hold things and I would definitely downplay that. The second thing, the second reason was that it was to calibrate. Another thing which is kind of like eh, but you know, as Mr. Ussane you ask a girl a question, she answers, you're in comfort, right? You know, that's the transition from A3 to C1 and maybe some other shit, right? So that's the second reason. Now these last two reasons are by far the most important. The third reason is to guide, all right? And this is something that I never fucking hear. I like talking about three, maybe four things. I like talking about sexuality. In order for me to be attracted to a woman, if she talks about her sexuality and I can sense it and feel it from her, man, it's like autopilot, autopilot, man. I can start carrying over in all these other different ways. That's one thing that I like to talk about. You guys can talk about your own stuff. I like to talk about what they're passionate about. Let's say she doesn't want to talk about sexuality. That's fine. I'm not trying to force her into anything. I'm gonna talk about passions, what she really lives for, all right? I'm gonna talk about, you know, I could talk about travel and experience, those types of things. And I could talk about fears and insecurities. And everybody always says, man, you can't talk about that, that's negative. No, it's human. Everybody fucking feels it. You know, why am I gonna talk about her? I forget what like some of the typical routines are, but you know, like a typical story of like, oh no, I was backpacking and all this crazy shit happened and you know, I'm awesome or whatever. Man, fuck that. I could talk about stuff which humanity can relate with. You know, what would those be? Fears, ambitions, purpose, ideals, all that sort of stuff. Sexuality, man, woman, dynamics. Everybody can understand that. And if a girl was too young to understand that, I probably don't want to talk to her, all right? So that's the third reason. We want to guide our qualification. We want to talk about stuff that we're gonna be attracted about, all right? And what we're gonna find attractive in other people. No doubt. Now, the fourth thing is the original reason, the original reason for qualification to see if she is qualified to talk to you. There's only two reasons why your set will not work right. Number one, it wasn't meant to be. You weren't qualified to talk to her. She wasn't qualified to talk to you. It sucks. It makes you feel bad. That's fine. So what? I actually extremely hate it when guys are saying, detach yourself from the outcome. Fuck, man. It hurts. It sucks, man. Be a fucking human being. You know, be a human being and even I grow some balls and say, hey, man, that sucked when you said that. Like, I want to know why you would say that. Be a human, connect with people, man. Assert yourself. The second reason is that you didn't show yourself enough. And that's it. Those are the only two options for when shit doesn't go right. It's not because you didn't do a technique right. Yeah, those can be like little variables in it, but they're variables to define that, look, you weren't right for me. I wasn't right for you. Still feels like shit. Or I didn't show myself in the best possible way. I didn't show myself. I didn't open myself up enough. And that's it. But remember that fourth reason is to see if they are qualified to talk to you. That's it. If I talk to a girl, she's amazing. She's beautiful. And I built up all this shit in my mind and she's standing there against the bar or whatever or walking across the street and it's like amazingly elegant. And I'm just going like, oh my God, dude. Oh my God. I'm like humbled as a man. I got to talk to this girl, go up and talk to her. And I say, hey look, I just had to come and talk to you. My name's Steve and like, let me ask you something. Like I know this is totally random, but what is it, how would you define attraction? I mean, you're like an amazing looking girl. How would you define it? And she sits there and is kind of like, oh well, it's a weird question. And maybe I want to push a little bit harder because I want to assert myself more. I want to do that second reason, right? I want to show myself more and say, and then I'm going to ground and I'm going to say, well, this is how I view attraction. Like man, it could be these many things, if we want a checklist of things often and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but at the same time, it's about how I experience with somebody. And she's like, man, I don't relate. I don't get it. I don't need to keep putting myself out there. I don't need to keep trying to figure out a way for me to connect. I need to be willing to walk away from that situation. And let's say she says, fuck you, I don't want to talk to you. Again, we're not qualified to talk to each other. So it's really important. Those first two reasons, value and calibration, considerably less important, but the ones that everybody focuses on. And those other reasons of guiding, you know, hey, I'm going to talk about what I'm attracted to. I'm going to talk about what I'm attracted to and what's attractive about me. And then also to see if somebody is truly qualified to talk to you. And the more you get to learn about your sexuality and start living a sexual life, your level of qualification and talking to a woman will go way up, way up. And it will naturally come out. So let's talk about how rapport cycling happens. Number one, it's a process. And there's a whole bunch of different equations to this, but I'm going to give you the simplest one that many people may have seen. But don't do, and you should. You should fucking do it, because it's so easy to make happen. Number one, we need a topic, all right? Then number two, well actually here's where it really starts, is we need a qualifier. We need a grounds, we need a challenge. And this is really the main meat right here, but down here I'm going to say definition. Okay, so what is this? Our topic is what's going to start us off. And the best way to do this is if you really, really want to workshop this, I'll explain it, ask me questions, and I'll plug it in. And this is essentially, I don't know if you guys are familiar with the red stack, but still to this day, sadly, sadly, even though we have all these genius instructors, it is the only customized product that exists. But this is how to do it, this is how to do it. So our topic is going to be something that we want to talk about. But we want everybody to be able to understand that topic. So let's say you're into computer games. Let's say you are really good at Street Fighter, right? You're really good at, you know, whatever, I don't know what they are, but you're really good at whatever video games. What you need to understand about that topic is it's something that you're into, right? Something that you're into that's unique, okay? So that's how we're gonna discover our topic out of that. And as we Q&A you guys and all that stuff, you'll get to see how the process works. So we want to get to a root topic. And again, think of stuff like passions, ideals, man, woman, dynamics, sexuality, stuff like that, fears, insecurities, things that make you unique, whatever, you know, these are all human things that anybody can relate with, anybody here. So we figure out whatever topic and that's gonna start off our qualifier. Our qualifier, qualification is defined by myself as asserting yourself and seeing if it's accepted. It's not forcing to accept it. It's to assert yourself, put yourself out there and see if it's accepted. So that could be opening, all right? That could also mean if I'm talking to a girl and yet I haven't asked an important question and she's standing there talking to me and enjoying it. That also is qualification. I've asserted myself and it's being accepted, right? All right, so I can say, hey, you know what? Let's say I want to talk about Street Fighter. Or actually, who has a crazy, bizarre video game experience? Jacob. Starcraft 2. Huh? Starcraft 2. Starcraft 2, what's yours? Counter-Strike, all right, these games I know nothing about. But I'm gonna say, in fact, no, no, no, we'll open up the mic here in a second. I'm gonna start off with a qualifier. So let's say I want to open with that and I could go up to somebody and I could do all the whatever techniques and go behind and all that sort of stuff. But I go up to somebody and I talk to them. That's the most fucking important part. And I'd say get closer than what is comfortable is the second most important part. Because a situation of sexuality will create sexuality. It will create that process of seduction. So we wanna create that. It's like, you know, my friend was talking about, he's like, I had this great night, I got laid, but I didn't pull off the threesome. And I'm like, hey man, whatever. But I'm like, the thing with the threesome is create the situation. You know, it's not about convincing somebody about anything, it's about creating the situation. The door closes and there's two girls in the room is step one. It's not about like, hey, it would be really hot if you could get another chick. No man, that's not the way to work that. But anyway, we have our opening qualifier. And actually that's officially what I titled the opening qualifier. And let's say we're opening and it's at the daytime and we say, hey, like I have a question, this is like really random, but I wanna know about things that you do that are so unique, but other people don't understand them. All right? And what I've heard from a few of the other speakers here is like, ah, you know, when they were talking about qualification, they probably aren't gonna answer it right away. And unless you really know somebody, that means you've probably dated them, you're in a relationship with them, then they might really qualify themselves to you. But anybody else, whether you've been talking to them about an hour and you get all passionate and you make these plans to travel the world, they're still not capable. There's nothing wrong with it about completely qualifying themselves to you. So they're gonna, their, their only point here is to engage. It's to get their attention. It's like 90% of the pickup material is all trying to accomplish this, you know, to get their attention, right? So we say, hey, you know what? I have this question, it's kind of random, if you have a few seconds. It's a question about individuality and doing things that people may or may not understand. And so they answer, yeah, yeah, I guess, you know, I have those things, yada, yada, yada. And then you switch immediately to this ground. Now the ground, there's a whole bunch of like, weird things to it, but there's basically three parts to this ground that I'm not going to take up writing, so take notes on it. It's number one, a ground is defined as your story, someone else's story, or your perspective. And it's usually a combination of all those things or two of those things. Oftentimes with me, it's my perspective, VMI story. The next part of that ground, that's gonna be the first part of the ground. The next part of that ground, just to help you out, break the rules by any means, but this will help you out in the beginning, is if you can state what you find attractive about this concept of uniqueness towards a video game, right? All right, so that's the second part, what you find attractive. The third part is, is why you are asking her, all right? So what can happen here, and this is why this is really important. If you're talking about the ground and you just bring it up and you tell your perspective, and it's really in depth, and let's say you're not so smooth or whatever, or let's say you're really smooth. If you don't show directly why you're asking them in that third part, it's like you're asking, it could be seen as you're asking for advice, and you're not asking for advice. Remember, there's a challenge here. We wanna challenge them based on us, all right? So what this could go like, is like, look, I'm really into, what is it, Starcraft or something? What was yours? Counter-Strike. I'm really into, like, for me, so you basically ask, hey, it's a weird question, you know, but it's about uniqueness and being who you are and things you're afraid to show. So let me ask you, just off the top of your head, what, how does that relate to your life? And they're like, I don't know. And so you say, you know, see with me, like I do a whole bunch of things with my life, but one of my favorite things is playing video games and it's like the least attractive thing that anybody could ever talk about, you know, or whatever, but to me it's absolutely interesting. And however stupid it may be, it's something that I may live for, all right? That's my story and sharing even my perspective that it has passion attached to it or whatever. Then we wanna go and we wanna define what we think is attractive about this and say, but to me, like if somebody were to notice unique things about me that like they really understood it, that would be the most attractive thing in the world. You see how it's tying in here? And then we go to this last part of how it relates to her. So you being a woman who's like, I mean, I don't know. I don't know you at all, but you seem like you're attractive and probably get a lot of attention from guys. That's what I'm really asking. And then we go to this challenge. Now the challenge, it's different than a qualifier. It's not just a question. It's something where we're saying, hey, I am me. I've said who I am. I've presented this, right? I presented who I am and I wanna know who you are. I wanna know, I've put out a road for you to walk on and I want you to walk on it. And so an example of a challenge in this case could be, it could be completely separate off the topic or it could continue on the topic, but for simplicity reasons, we'll continue on the topic when we answer questions. We'll move it around and whatnot. But what I would say here is I would say, so I'm transitioning. I'm saying that last part. So you as a woman, I don't know you, but you're attractive, you get attention from guys. What is unique about you? Now I'm moving to the challenge. What is really unique about you? I really wanna know that you think is so attractive about yourself that men never notice. All right, again, again, she may not be able to answer that, but I guarantee you if you get through this process, that's why I said these three are the most important. If you get through this process and you get it down, a woman may say nothing to you, but you will end up engaging with her and feeling with her. And again, it's not like, hey, I'm saying all the lines and she's staying silent. I want her to interact. But if she's standing there paying attention to you and she follows you along, especially with this grounding process, you know, stating your perspective, then stating what's attractive to you and also stating why you're asking her specifically. All right, if you follow that, then that's a conversation. You're already exchanging with somebody and that's where seduction starts to take place. All right, so even in your dialogue, we're still working that sex, seduction, sexuality dynamic. And again, your definition from this, your sexuality, is that you're talking about yourself. You know, you're not using random shit to get into girls pants. You're actually using you to have her get turned on and feel with you. When we get to the definition, this is key. Very, very key. Anytime you want anything to move in the right direction, remember qualification is all about finding the right direction to go in. So I found my right direction by picking the topic, right? So I wanna talk about video games and you know, my perspectives on life via video games. And then I wanna also base my definition on truly what I'm attracted to. What do I value most? You know, I heard that I value a connection with somebody, somebody who could be caring. I value somebody that could be sexual. I value somebody that could be open-minded. I value, you know, sky's the limit. But you wanna define what you value and you wanna add this definition at the end. This isn't to trick anybody. This isn't to kind of pull a fast one on and then they're like hypnotically entranced with you and they're gonna do this definition. It's to again lay that road out even more so that they walk on it. So what we do is we are opening qualifier would be like, hey, you know, random question but you know, I do this really unique stuff and I think that uniqueness can be attractive but what about you? What about you is something which I don't know is unique but people don't notice. She can't answer, you ground, you say, hey look, with me it's plain counter-strike and I know it's the weirdest thing in the world but I really love it, I'm really passionate about it and you may be like, well this is stupid but look, I think it's one of the most attractive things in the world when somebody can notice something about me, understand something about me that you know, other people don't see. And so you as a woman, you must have some sort of like grasp on this. You probably get a lot of attention from guys but what is it about you that you do? That's a unique thing that a guy will never notice about you. Like what's something really attractive about you that a guy will just overlook and that you would love him to look at and she's like, fuck, I don't know. I mean, Jesus, I guess my sense of humor and again, she's not really eliciting there but she's still feeling with you and whatnot. You can decide whether or not to go back to press harder then I wanna put my definition on what I really want. Let's say what I really want is to connect with a woman, to connect with a girl, to just be able to exchange with her, to feel her and say, you know what? I'm gonna put a definition on here and I'm gonna say, you know what? You are somebody that I can tell even though we just met but you totally understand what I'm talking about. Like you totally have that and that is awesome. We should talk more, all right? Let's say we get deeper in interaction, our definitions might be more aggressive but our definition is guiding us towards what we're attracted to, all right? So what I wanna do is I'm gonna mix a few things in here, all right? I wanna mix through this process and I also wanna go over a few concepts on identity and probably the most important thing that I would love for any of this and it's, how do I say, how do I say, you know, my doing any of these speeches, my talking to people is completely worthless if I'm not reciprocating back with people, you know? Even those with a bunch of guys, that's seduction, man. That's being yourself and having to come back to you. So I want you guys to interact as much as possible but I also want to talk to you guys about these different concepts on identity and whatnot which we'll get to as we go. So if anybody wants to start going over these things for yourself, whether they're openers or you've already talked to a girl and wanna clean up a story or a different concept, raise your hand and Peter Murphy will hand out the mic. I know everybody's always so fearful at first. Man, I don't want to. Oh, Washington DC is in the house. What's that? Okay, are you rolling? Okay, so right now what I wanna do is I wanna have people give me their topics, their stories, something that I can show you how to filter into this type of rapport cycle. We'll get to you next. This type of rapport cycle and in whatever situation. It could be openers, it could be whatever it is that you want. It could be even in the midst of seduction, in the midst of closing, all that sort of stuff. And they're still going. They're still, oh, keep talking. So let me tell you about it. No, but as we're waiting here and the more you guys give me, the better. So think about those things and think about the most challenging things. Think about things that you think would be impossible to talk about, things that you might be even afraid to talk about. One of the most, I guess, important ideas of this is what I always heard people talk about, especially when it came to pick up our social dynamics, was basically to not talk about things you were ashamed of or not talk about things which you felt were not valuable to other people. And one of the most beautiful experiences that you can have with anybody is to talk about something which you felt nobody could relate with, that you felt nobody could actually, in any way attach themselves to, and then you would think that they would judge you for it and have them actually love you for it. And that's an absolute reality and I encourage everybody to go along that path. And if you don't, I mean it's a really, really obvious path that happens with folks in the seduction community is that you end up being pissed off, man. You end up being pissed off and it's like you read the advertisements, you invested all this money and shit didn't really work out. So DC, you had a question, you had a question or you had a topic. So yeah, I was wondering like, say there's this girl you're legitimately attracted to but you can't find anything that you're like, you can legitimately qualify her on. So there's just nothing about her that you respect enough or that enough common ground or commonalities or whatever it might be that you can like legitimately qualify her on but you still might be attracted to something about her physically. How do you, is there a way where you can kind of find? Okay, so here's what you gotta do and this is why identity is important. When I talk about identity, I'm not talking about something you're wearing or a stereotype or any shit like that. I'm talking about, you may wanna stay next to him with the mic but I'm talking about who you are as a person. So here's how I define identity and there's this whole workbook thing. It's like, I have these PDF series and it's like 26 pages or something and you basically write this out. What is your social perception? How do I think other people view me? What is my self perception? How do I view myself? What am I attracted to? Define what that means. You know, so it could be physically, it could be emotionally, it could be all those types of things. We go into family, you go into job, you go into your ideals, your purpose, all that sort of stuff and you really write about that. And what I tell guys is when you write that out, it gives you automatic fuel for this and the other different techniques and methods that I have and ultimately remember, I want you to step away from this. I want you to be able to do your own stuff but what is it about you that's attracted to her? That's the real question. Go ahead and answer. What if it's all physical and there's like almost nothing? Okay, no problem man, no problem. Fuck, physical beauty is awesome but physical beauty like James was saying, you gotta be responsible for certain things. And so what I noticed, remember, I wanna get to that definition of my sexuality and when my sexuality is telling me, it's like, oh big tits and like, oh my God, I want that chick to suck my dick. It's almost like that's my first instinct and I had to act on it a number of times to realize that my sexuality was like, oh man, I want to. I want to actually appreciate this woman. I wanna be the man that, not even the man, I wanna be the guy in that moment that serves those whatever beautiful tits or the beautiful mouth or whatever that experiences with her. It's not about me taking it. It's not about me destroying it. I wanna know what the experience is and so I have to think about what am I attracted to? So what am I attracted to physically about her? What does that spark inside of me? What sort of insights? And so that's what we wanna get at. So when you're thinking about this girl, cause I know you have a girl in mind, right? What is it about her? What is it about her? Nobody can see her face, even though I know your name and your social security number. But what is it about her? Well, it's mostly physical things. Like she's got very long red hair. Okay, how does that make you feel? When you see long red hair and whatever her name is, what does it make you feel? What does it make you wanna do? Run my hands through it. Okay. And if you ran your hands through it, like what would happen? How about this? If you had the opportunity to make her feel like a woman, like a woman, a complete woman, what would that feel like to you? Probably feel pretty good. Okay. You gotta get deeper than that though. So I'm gonna improv a little bit but I want you to keep talking me through this. So how well do you know her? Do you know her? Yeah, I have. We went on one date but there just didn't seem like there was enough common ground to really connect with her. Oh, man, recovery mode. Well, there's one thing that I would think that you should look at in this is as my buddy Jason said, he said if you're not being sexual, get sexual as quick as possible by any means. If you are not being sexual, that doesn't necessarily mean the act of sex but that does help. But if you're not asserting your sexuality, then your head's gonna chase things which aren't real. And it's gonna start to define you. So make sure, I got no problem with people chasing. They're always like, here's the key, man. Here's what made us good at SNLs is we chased. We turned the girl on, got her thinking about sex and we ended up in her car. Like that was it. We made it happen. And I remember guys would be like, well then I'm like lower value. It's like, man, no, fuck that. Like you wanna, you like a girl? You like, you wanna feel with her? Like make it happen. That is your duty as a man. In fact, I was just in Austria and I met this God, man. I should just have her speak. But she spoke to me in Mexico like a year and a half ago and just met up with her again for the first time since then. But she told me, she said that it is the man, this girl Nina, she told me it is the man's responsibility to approach and to make the first move. But it is only because he is seduced by the woman. And again, another concept that I've heard is like, if we got to do what we'd want, we just caveman chicks. We just caveman them if we really like that. But as men, we like seduction. We love seduction. We love to be made stupid by it. But we also need to be controlled and be dominant, be responsible because we know our sexuality. We know our definition. So think about that. And then I'll tell you whatever technique because we wanna work on this. But talk to me more about it. It sounds like kind of like a weird idea that your head's kind of chasing something that maybe not, I don't know, but we'll talk more. So your qualifier would be based on what you feel and based on your perspective. Remember, our topic is just trying to get us in to show ourselves. And we wanna get to this area where we can talk about our perspective, right? So I could say, you could say, like, hey, you know what? We went on whatever date and I really wanted to ask you this the whole time and I was even nervous by it. But what is it? This is my favorite one. What is it that you find, what's attractive to you? All right? So you could say to me, all right, here's my perspective, right? To me, God, there's so many different levels to attraction but there's times when I'm so physically attracted it's really amazing, you know? And it makes me not be able to think of anything else and it almost humbles me. And I think that's one of the most beautiful things. That's kind of like what you're attracted towards. That's one of the most beautiful things. And then you're gonna say, but like for you, like you're somebody that is really like a, I don't know, an amazing person that I don't know that well but for some reason I wanna know more so I really wanna know this about you. Like what to you? Because it's a physical thing that you're talking about and that's what you wanna connect with and that's what you wanna bond on. What to you is something that, I don't know, makes you so attracted that your whole presence is a woman, your whole physical feeling is a woman, makes you go, I need to know that man but you're completely blinded by it and humbled by it. What to you is that? She probably won't be able to answer. She may even answer back with a question but then you're gonna say like, look, whatever, I just wanna keep talking to you. Like you sitting in front of me is the coolest thing ever. So I'm just gonna ask you a bunch of stupid questions but man, I really wanna know because I think the answer to whatever that is is awesome and so hold on one second. Is it five or 10? They should, okay cool. So that's what you wanna go towards. You wanna go towards that sort of syncing up on a physical level because you're feeling carnal. There's nothing wrong with it but feeling carnal, remember as I'm saying if you're not going for the connection, if you're just going for an urge and putting stuff on in order to execute that urge, you're gonna be having sex with nothing and it'll feel cool dude, the first time man, it'll feel great but dude, second, third, fourth time and I'll tell you this man, I just, this doesn't always happen. Like I said, I have less sex now than I did when I started but I had an experience where there was so much sex happening this one night, it was unreal, I mean it was nuts and I kinda know what to do in those situations and it was truly amazing and it was something that would be pick up braggy about but when it comes down to it, I was able to be open and experienced with these women. There was no taking, there was no control, it was complete openness and it was nuts man, it was nuts, I mean it was unbelievable and at the end of the night I was able to spend three days with one girl and have an amazing experience and got to feel her and see her and know the little bit that I could feel with her and again, going back to that responsibility part, man I felt everything, I felt even love in those situations but I also know through experience, through my sexuality and what I have to be responsible towards is that look, all I could do was have that experience right there and feel it and walk away from it and have it be that and it's a beautiful thing and in some ways it didn't get any more carnal than the beginning of that night but you understand, what's more important that you understand the concept than even this specific situation perhaps we'll talk afterwards about it, it's a better setting for it. This guy had his hand up, I'm gonna do one more because I tend to talk too much and take too much time and all that sort of shit but yeah. You have actually already touched on it but in the context of your rapport cycling what about threesomes? Well what is it that you want out of threesomes? Yeah that's what I was saying, the experience I think the answer there actually answered it for me I think, just. Okay let me, in terms of rapport cycling because rapport cycling is in pickup it's always about social proof, it's always about being noticed, it's always about all this stuff right, that I'm gonna somehow be the shit and these girls are gonna like me for it and man thank God that the guy at my boot camp who was better than all the other instructors didn't give a shit about that, he stood in a corner and he sat there like this, the whole night and he talked to one or two girls and he had the highest, now he didn't approach everybody and if he approached everybody his ratio from like closing would be way lower but he had one out of three girls that he would approach, he closed. I went out with him eight nights in a row and I, this was a long time ago but I got laid four times, that's awesome, that's like bad ass, like nobody does that shit, he got laid seven times, seven and he would do none of that stuff so what's important here is this stuff like rapport cycling stuff like sexuality should be done one on one first, when you get that down and you're comfortable with it, that's key and here's the key to sex, you're comfortable with sex, a lot of shit can happen and so three sums, yeah man you know I'll tell you what man, I'd even say they're not that great, you know, I love connecting with one woman much more and why do I want two women, you know it's cool and you can get a lot of things to happen but number one thing is logistics, don't talk about it, they may be open to it but get them in a room, get them in a room, the door closes, make them feel comfortable, you're not trapping anybody, what's awesome is there's a couple threads that people wrote on three sums in the community that I read a long time ago, I haven't read any recently but it's like as soon as I started to have them it's obvious that these people never had them, like never have had them and these are guys that are like owners of companies and all this sort of shit and it's like well you gotta make one the prize and the other one, no man, you can do all sorts of techniques and shit and have stuff happen but you don't need to do that, what you need to do is you need to get them comfortable with their sexuality and you get comfortable with your sexuality and have you pace it because any time you escalate this is important actually, there's so much I could fucking talk about man but the more you ask questions the more it stimulates. I use more than that to the qualifier as to how do you approach the subject, there's more. How do you approach the subject? You would say, okay so you have a girl? Okay so you have a girl? I would not talk to her about it that much, I would say like hey look I think these girls are attractive, I would be more of a statement than some sort of like method of persuasion or anything like that but it would be like hey look I'll put it in this but it'll mainly come from this, the ground. But you'll say like hey what do you think, what do you think are sexual, like are sexual experiences, like how would you define that or whatever. So I'm just getting on the topic. You can say see because with me I think it's so attractive, like how you think and look at other women and I think it's just so beautiful to know or whatever, you know, state whatever your perspective is, right? And I would not stick to the details man, it's not a technical thing, this is an emotional decision, it's not a logical decision. And then I would tell her I would say but man you are like to see your sexuality, to see how you do your sexuality, the girl. Man that is so beautiful and I wanna see more of that. And you know then I would like challenge and the challenge wouldn't be verbal, it would be like dude let's go up and talk to this girl. Here's the thing dude, with sex like this you need to be responsible. So this girl that is one of my friends in Austria, her husband who she got divorced from would have all sorts of threesomes with her and talk her into it and she said man I remember talking into it and she told me, she actually said, she said I thought I would never be able to have good sex again. Because it was so something I didn't wanna do. It was some of the best sex I have ever had in my life but I never thought that I would be able to have good sex again because it was all about the crazy stuff that he wanted and I loved pleasing him, I loved the whole process, I loved even liking another guy or another girl and having him get off more for it and all that sort of shit but I never thought that I'd be able to have good sex again. And that is fucked man. That sucks, that is a terrible thing. That's that shame coming across and that's part of the problems with threesomes. If you during sex and afterwards the woman's definition of sex afterwards is not feeling beautiful and like a woman then you have not done your job. And you know if you're hooking up for one night that's one thing but man it's crazy man, it gets nuts. One thing that I wanted to do, all right look I wanna talk to you guys more. I get up here and I get all inspired to speak. I'll go out to dinner tonight. If any of you guys wanna talk about this stuff let's do it. If any of you guys want to approach any of this stuff my passion is to teach. My passion has always been to teach. I've never valued money, I've never valued status or whatever who doesn't like attention but you know not on these same levels. If you guys want to go over some of this stuff and really go over whatever identity things and you want to do it let me know, meet me after the speech and in whatever corner and we'll figure out a place to eat. I will tell you, I will email you the first PDF, the identity PDF that you can work on over the next like two weeks. It's pretty elaborate. It'll take you like four or five hours to do it and stay in contact with me. If you wanna stay in contact with me and actually do one of the courses that are coming up there's one coming up June 15th then let me know man I'll work out whatever to get you guys on it. If you personally want to change then I absolutely want you to do it. I wanna finish off with this one thing and to try and articulate this is that obviously to me sex and sexuality mean a whole bunch of different things and to me it is the importance of it has the importance of spirituality. It is something which is beyond something that I can explain that is bigger than me. And again, what I was talking about is we see sex as like this porn or this shame and we live life by our highs and our lows and we wanna get in shape for what other people think of us and we wanna be sexy and we wanna get attention and we wanna exchange with people we wanna have a sexual experience to define ourselves as a man and if we're gonna do that we need to get the hottest chick we need to get her in the craziest positions we need to get her to say that I was the best I ever had we need to go look at sex methods so that we can have better sex but when it comes down to it sex is never here or here success is never here or here socializing is never here or here it's the most natural things that we have any ambitions or goals that you have and this is what the sexual life is about is it's a balance, it's a balance in this room you guys have heard speakers and been moved by them or been inspired or whatever you know, and that's been happening this whole time we've been simply breathing in and out we've been simply experiencing we've been simply making friends with people we've been going out to lunch we've broken bread with people we've done all those simple actions and what we don't realize is those are more important than anything than any of this those are more important than anything that's gonna happen after this as a result it's the simple things and this is what the sexual life is this is what when I'm with a woman I will not, I will not man this happened recently I will not, I laid in a bed with a girl and I mean, you know, that's obvious you know, I've known her for a while and very attractive and I'm attracted to her I laid in a bed with a girl but I knew that both of us are so like sex crazed it would not be good, you know well, I can't be responsible for that we build this huge sexual dynamic and you know, you know, all these emotions would happen and it would not be a good thing, you know so I need to be responsible with those things because my sexuality needs to be more calm it's low energy, it's slow it's paced, it defines us, you know it's not a tidal wave it's nothing like that it's something which is calm and controlled and the essence of masculinity and femininity you know, that's what the sexual life is it is, it is something where you can live in balance and I was talking to, you know some of the fitness guys yesterday and I'm like, man, socializing sexuality people always look for these big deals and these big breakthroughs but when it comes down to it what it's really about is that every day you may lift weights, kick ass, you know run a certain amount and they're not really into that, but I am you may get an SNL you may make a big sale but it's never as good as it is and it's never as bad as it is because you need to do those things every day so whatever results that you have it needs to be in the simple actions open up your mouth, put your hand out meet somebody, exchange with them live the best possible life you can live and I've seen it, man I mean, like I said, dude I speak constantly, constantly with fucking people who are so down and out and I know what it's like, man, to be down and I was talking to that homeless dude the other night that came up to me and it's like, man, you need to have for me, I have to have compassion for that because that has been me and I saw him passed out on the ground before and I've seen guys that, you know couldn't get a fucking needle out of their arm go out to live a life where they could be somebody that has an amazing life, you know to change into something which is a functioning member of society whether that's a doctor or somebody that is just happy because it's a balance that we do and that is the sexual life that is what I wanna share with you guys and if you guys want to do that then we can definitely do that you can live whatever your best possible self is and man, that is what I stand for and if you haven't heard what my definition by all of this is and what it is not then talk to me afterwards but there, that's what I'm passionate about and that's what I love to do so hopefully you got a lot out of that if you want to continue the conversation I want to continue it with you Steve Maida, thank you very much