 From Milwaukee's new $5 million arena, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Puss Bully. You know friends, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that life with Luigi is a typically American radio program, a friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of Wrigley's Spearman gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. So now, let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to his mama Vasco Incubus. Dear mama me, every day I'm learning something new about the American and his ways. I remember when I'm first to come here how stupid I was. I used to ask somebody how to go somewhere and they used to tell me get lost. Now I'm here almost a year and a half and I'm going to have to ask nobody. I'm going to get lost all by myself. He asked my mummy and like they say here, I'm going ahead all the time. The only thing that's not going ahead is my antique shop, had some over the backwards. From a slow business to no business. I think it would have been better if my shop was in Italy. At least I would have got a helper from the Marshall Plan. And you know over here, I'm already getting a helper from the Pasquale Plan. And mama me, you know what's behind that the plan? That's the Pasquale's a fat daughter Rosa. Mama me, she's a fat one. I'm going to go around the corner with Rosa. I'm already by the candy store when she's still making a turn. I was sipping in my store and thinking maybe I should have gone into some other business like an oiler like a lumber. One of my daughters open up and then there's become a big wind. Luigi my friend. Hello Luigi, hello, hello. Hello Pasquale, hey you're pretty happy today huh? I'm always happy when I'm looking at you my little banana nose. Of course today I've got a special reason for being happy. That's a kind of Congress. Pasquale, you mean the Congress is going to marry Rosa? No Congress, a fresh guy you. You're going to laugh over the other side out of your mouth. Hey, look on this headline. Congress may authorize ceiling raises. That's all right. That's what I'm going to do to you right away. Raise your ceiling. But Pasquale, why? Since I'm a guy in this store, I've never had a customer who was too taller to come in. No, no, you should talk into you, you're just a maroon. Luigi, raising a sale means the Congress has given me the right as a landlord to raise up your rent. Raise up my rent? How do you feel about that, eh? Terribly. Good. Now look, Luigi, I'm not a hard man. Your rent is now $50 a month, right? Right. Well, I'm just going to raise you 10%. Thank you Pasquale. From now on your rent is $100. But Pasquale, what am I going to do? Now instead of not being able to pay you $50 a month, I'm not going to be able to pay you $100. Well, you don't have to pay me back in the money, Luigi. You could have paid me back in the services. That's all right, Pasquale. You mean you want me to clean up at the store, wash your windows, or what? No, no, Luigi. The kind of services I'm thinking of is a deferred. What the kind of services are you thinking of? Wedding the services. No, no, Pasquale. I'm not going to marry you, daughter Rosa. She's too fat for me. Luigi, Rosa is not fat. She's just chubby. Is it too much a chubby? Don't talk like that, Luigi. I've got a good news for you. There's no more, 250 pounds, no. Rosa's away on a diet, and now she's down to a shadow. How much is she's away now? 247 pounds. That's a summer shadow. She's away more than the both of us have put together. Look here, little Popsquake. I'm a sick of you beating me up around the bushes. I brought you to this country for no one reason, and that wasn't because I needed someone with who to play canazza. I brought you here to marry my Rosa and ask her to finish. Here, if I'm not married, Rosa had to semi-finish. Pasquale, please, maybe if you wouldn't have brought her, Rosa, she would have forgotten me. Impossible. They got to say in elephants, they never forget, and the roses are no different. Luigi, I was never more serious in my life. I'll be careful how you answer my questions. All right. First of all, you want to get married, yes? No. In other words, you want to be a bachelor, no? Yes. Now to jack apart the question, do you want a Rosa? Pasquale, you're keeping a jack apart. All right, Luigi, you're just a past the sentence on yourself. I'm gonna throw you out of your stock. What? That's all right. I'm a dispossession of you for non-payment to your rent and for non-marryment to my daughter Rosa. Don't even bother to come home from night school tonight, because there's going to be a lock out of your door and you can't get in. From Pasquale, you really mean a decision? Don't even talk to me with proof. I'm telling you, don't come home because you're going to find your antics in the garbage you can, your clothes in the gutter, and your bed on the sidewalk, and it ain't because of Chicago is the wind is setting. Come on, mommy. All right, class, quiet, please, please. Now I call the roll. Mr. Basco, Mr. Howard, Mr. Olson, Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, when you hear your name, doesn't that mean anything to you? Certainly. Schultz, that's the name that made Milwaukee famous. Hello, boo-boos. Who would have been patient I would be on the radio? My friend Schultz. All right, Mr. Schultz, that'll be enough. Now, class, today's lesson on geography will send her on that very important city of Milwaukee, the largest city in Wisconsin. Milwaukee, my hometown. I know it like a book. Well, good, Mr. Schultz, then perhaps you can answer my questions. Oh, when you see me sporting a rather not discussed Milwaukee, something personal about a girl and me and... All right, Mr. Schultz, I won't call on you if it'll hurt your feeling. Thank you, Mr. Schultz. Have I got the teacher for shimmers? Howard, would you tell us something about Milwaukee? With pleasure. Milwaukee is a city. Well, of course. But tell us something about its size. Now, how does it compare with other great American cities? Oh, well, it's bigger than some and smaller than others. Why don't I think up answers like that? Oh, now, please, can someone tell us the answer? If you will just call on me, Ms. Schultz, I will be real happy to answer all your questions. Oh, what a showoff. Please, Mr. Schultz. Thank you, Mr. Olsen. I know I can always count on you. Thank you, Ms. Schultz. And now I shall give you the general population of Milwaukee. Its size, its industries, its points of interest, its rivers, its lakes, and its public buildings. There he goes, Sweden's answer to the encyclopedia Britannica. Pay no attention to him, Mr. Olsen. Give the answer. Yo-ho. Milwaukee is the largest city in Wisconsin and the 13th largest city in the United States. It has the general population of 587,472. 473. My sister Katie just had a baby. You smile, everybody. That's a garter on me. Mr. Schultz, that'll be enough, Mr. Olsen. Now, perhaps someone else will volunteer. Mr. Baskow, you haven't said a thing. Huh? Mr. Baskow, you may tell us on which of the great lakes is Milwaukee situated. Lake Erie? No. Lake Superior? No. Lake Hurana? No. Lake... Luigi, stop pouring so much water into Milwaukee. You are ruining the beer. Mr. Schultz, one more remark and you may leave the class. Now, Mr. Baskow, haven't you studied your lesson for today? Well, I'm studying it, Mr. Bordig, but I'm all mixed up because I've got the same old trouble with the Pascuali. Oh, you mean about Rosa? Yeah, one of these timings is the worst. Pascuali is a throw-me-out of my studies that told me I'm never gonna come back and no more. Ah, Luigi, this is a blessing in disguise. Now you can get away from him. I give you the first invitation. Luigi, live in my house. Luigi, it would be a pleasure to have you in my house. Luigi, my house is always open to you. Ah, the way we are asking him, you'd think he was Eddie Lamar. And not but a friend to friends who you're wonderful, but I'm a no one to say no more, Luigi. I ask you first, you are staying in my house. I can hardly wait to call my wife Rita and tell her to throw another Wiener Schnitzer on the fire. And Luigi, I'm gonna look for a job for you in my furniture factory. Furniture factory? Yes. That's wonderful, Luigi. You get $50 a week and all the beds you can take home. Ah, smile, Luigi. I'm only trying to cheer you up. I am going to ask for you at the gas company. I'll look around myself, Mr. Baths. Oh, thank you so much, your friends. I'm a no no know what to say to you. Ah, don't say anything, Luigi. Save that for Pascuali. With all these jobs, I can just see you six months from now. Can you wait a minute when I'm going to talk to Pascuali? Ah, yeah. You come there with your pockets full of money and you'll say, Pascuali, you started me off and I can thank you for everything. But from now on, I don't need you anymore. I'm collecting unemployment insurance. I'd just like to mention the enjoyment you can get by chewing delicious Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum. Whether you're indoors or outdoors, working or simply taking things easy, you can slip a stick of Wrigley's Spear Mint into your mouth. You're all set for some good chewing. You see, Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum has lots of lively, refreshing, real mint flavor. Not only tastes good, but it also cools your mouth and helps weaken your breath. And the smooth, easy chewing adds enjoyment to whatever else you're doing. So treat yourself to Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum often. It's good and good for you. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. Life is good to me. Even though Pascuali is throwing me out, all of my friends are helping me. Last night, I went home over to Schultz. And this morning, already the old sinner told me he thinks he's got me a job over the gas company as a trouble shooter. First time, I thought it was a funny job to go around and shoot in a trouble. But all sinners are telling me my job isn't going to be to look for gas leaks. My money, if I ever get to do this job, I'm not going to be the best man that they ever had. I'm going to buy myself a cigarette lighter. And I'm not going to find the leak right away. All is so hard, which is a call to me. And Luigi, my fellow boob, I got wonderful news for you. I was talking to all my customers and right in the middle of Mrs. Barkin's pickle herring, I asked her about you. And guess what? Her husband has an employment agency. Yeah, but she has an employment agency. You think that I got a job for me? No way, Luigi. Don't steal the horse until I lock the bar. Yeah. You don't have to wait for old Snohorowitz. I called her husband. And what do you think? It so happens, a big downtown department store is looking for an assistant in their antique department. Come on, money. Now come, because no time to lose. We are going to the employment agency. Put on your best dude, your shirt and tie right now. Sure, Sam, I'm wearing them. You are? Sure. Well, that was a quick change. But come on, Luigi, I go with you, huh? We've got to get there first. All right, I'll show you better. I'm a Muslim. Stop it, Luigi. You've got to look cheerful and confident. All right, come on now. Be like me, always smiling, always laughing. Oh, my rheumatism is killing me. Watcha sit down? I'll be very glad to help out any friend of Mr. Schultz's. Thank you. Now, first I've got to fill out this blank. Your full name? Luigi, your bicycle 21 or not. The whole of the street, the Chicago, Fort Illinois. And your social security? No, I'm not old enough to collect. I mean your number. I'm a gotten a number. I'm always a get to my own business. That's good. Not for me. Tell me, Mr. Vasco, how long have you been in the antique business? Well, I'm a scissor, but about a year and a half. Did you specialize in any particular kind of antiques? Yes, all the ones. Mr. Vasco, a sense of humor is a valuable asset. But seriously, do you have a good knowledge of early American pieces? Mr. Barkin, I'm gonna like to make a fool of nobody. If I'm a thought I would have been all good for a job, I wouldn't ask for it. But since I'm a comer from Italy, I'm a study antiques all the time. Maybe I'm no understand only American words, but I'm understand everything about American antiques. Well, that's fine. Now you go right out of the store with my recommendation. I hope you get the job because it's a good one, and money is no object. Good. I'm no object to money myself. All right. Now you take this card and Mr. Smith, the personnel manager, okays you. You have the job. Well, thanks. Thank you. Let me know what happens. You should get regular vacations and two weeks off sick pay. All right. I'ma let you know goodbye. That's a funny job. Every year I'm gonna have to be sick for two weeks. America, I love you. You're like a papa to me from motion. How did you make it out? Sure, sir. I think I'ma get the job. Think. Luigi, a job is like the measles. Either you got it or you ain't got it. But it should, sir. Maybe I'ma get to the measles because employment, the manager say all right, but it's not all right until a person or a man needs to say all right to do. Stop Luigi. You're getting me all for shimmers. Back up and start all over again now. Well, I had to shoot. I'ma get to the job, but store rule is you say had the manager must pass and I'ma gotta see my 30 tomorrow night. Well, Luigi, that's wonderful news. No, wait. Wait into my head. An idea just proved. I'm gonna throw for you a party in the back of my delicatessen and then the whole class will go down to the store with you and help you celebrate. Oh, sure sir. You must a wonderful friend of mine ever had. How am I can ever pay you back? Easy. You make out the salary checks in my name. Ach, my, what a party we are going to have. Oppose at all. Cool Luigi. May his new job bring him happiness, health and wealth minus 20% for the government. Well, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Spaulding. You know, maybe it's not for me to say. But how much you happy of people are when they get together with friends? Luigi, that's true. Maybe we should revive the old custom of just people getting together. Well, let's start it off with the get together song. Come on. Your friends some more to get together to be happier with me. Rosa sounded like Arthur Godfrey and his no talent scowls. Oh, smile, everybody. And not a beer, anyone. Oh, that's nothing like beer for re-ubinations. How about a beer drinking song? Yeah, that was a good idea. Let's sing Roll Out the Barrel. Impossible. Rosa isn't here. Hey, look who just came in. It's Pascuali. Hello, everybody. Hey, Luigi, I heard all about you and your new job. I just came to wish you luck. Well, thank you, Pascuali. There's no hard feelings, huh? There's no hard feelings, Pascuali. Good. And if you still want to stay in your store, that's all right, too. Well, thank you, Pascuali. We're still friends, huh? That's a good, Luigi. And, Luigi, is there somebody else here who wants to wish you good luck? Oh, you think? I mean, who you think? Who you think, huh? Yes. Rosa? Uh-huh. Can I call her in? Uh-huh. Good. I call her right now. Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Can I see my little doll in the face? Rosa, say hello to Luigi. It's ten minutes after eight. Luigi, you've got to get to the store in time. I will call a taxi, so we can all go with Luigi. All right, let's go. Look, come on, everybody. We can all pile into one taxi. You better make not two taxis. Commandant Barry Highley, and your papers are all in order. I think you'll do fine. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Smith. There's just one more small thing which must be taken care of. It's rather difficult to bring up, but, uh, well... Uh, what is it? Well, you see, Vasco is rather an odd name. Oh, different. I think it would be a lot better if we changed it to, uh, Bassett. What? And Luigi. Well, I think Louis would do fine. Louis Bassett. Louis Bassett, huh? Yeah, sounds excellent. So, you know, you don't like my name, huh? Well, now, of course... Vasco's a no-good, huh? Well, but you're... Marconi. That's a good name. Einstein? That's all right. And how's about the Paracruzki? Well, but I... DiMaggio, Kelly, O'Dwyer, Franco Fourohammestine. Do you like those names? Well, now, you needn't get mad. I'm not mad. It's a gesture. It's a gesture. I don't feel it's making me better or more American. If I'm a Bassett and not a Vasco, Mr. Department of Story, you keep your job, I keep my name. And go by it. Well, Luigi, how did you make it out? Get out of the job, Luigi. What happened? Tell us quick. Oh, what's the matter, Mr. Bassett? Miss Boiling. Miss Boiling, please don't make a bigger favor. Call her the role. What? That's the right to please her. Call her the role. Well, all right. Mr. Horowitz. Present. Mr. Olsen. Present. Mr. Scholl. Present. Mr. Bassett. How am I present? Thank you, Miss Boiling. That's all I'm gonna hear. Mia, when I'm gonna steal the one... Excuse me, Luigi. Before you finish that letter to your mama, Mia, I'd like to tell you something. That's all right. Sure. My name is Bruno Bittger. I'm a member of the Governor's Commission on Human Rights. Luigi, what happened to you is at best a distressing experience. But I'm glad to say it's happening less and less in America. And I hope that in the not too distant future, it will be completely wiped out. As far as Milwaukee is concerned, it makes no difference if your name is Baskow, Horowitz, Olsen, Schultz, or Mahalski. It's what you do and what you stand for, not what your last name is that counts. Luigi, you and your friends are always welcome in Milwaukee. Well, mama, Mia, I'm right that on everything Mr. Bittger is said, just like he's told me. Now I'm an all. Isn't I don't need the beer that makes Milwaukee famous? It's the people. You're lovin' a son of Luigi Baskow. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Fear Men Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. May like remind you that in the hurry and scurry of a busy day, it's a good idea to have a package of Wrigley's Fear Men Gum handy. Whenever you feel a little bit tense or upset, chew a stick. Besides giving you enjoyment, sinking your teeth into a smooth piece of gum helps relieve that feeling of tension, sort of relaxes you without slowing you down. It's one reason millions of people chew gum while they work. Try it, won't you? See if chewing delicious Wrigley's Fear Men Gum doesn't help you feel better and work better. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been broadcasting tonight from the city of Milwaukee's new $5 million arena where 15,000 people have helped Life with Luigi dedicate the opening. Because of Life with Luigi, Milwaukee has declared this day Nationality Day. We are now proud to present Mr. Bruno B. Bittger, member of the Governor's Commission on Human Rights. Mr. Howard, the Governor's Commission on Human Rights was created by the Wisconsin Legislature. Here is a statement of our aims and purposes. I quote, We dedicate all our energies to the elimination of all discriminatory practices. We propose to sustain the free exercise of human rights by all peoples everywhere. And we call upon all peoples to foster those sentiments and practices which will preserve our unity and make us a strong and contented people. Unquote. We of the Commission on Human Rights recognize that radio is the great educational medium because of its tremendous power of influence in influencing the thinking of millions of people. Cy Howard, in creating and producing this radio program, Life with Luigi, has done the cause of human rights and immeasurable service. This program presents the problems of minority groups and the experiences of newcomers to America with sympathy, with humor, and with dignity. Therefore, on behalf of the Governor's Commission on Human Rights, I am proud to present a citation to Cy Howard and to commend his sponsor. Mr. Howard, all of us are proud to claim you as a native son of the city of Milwaukee and the state of Wisconsin and wish you many years of continued success in the field of entertainment to which you have already made such an outstanding contribution. Thank you, Mr. Bittger. It was a real thrill to come home again and broadcast from Milwaukee and on behalf of all of the people who make the Life with Luigi program possible, my heartfelt thanks. The makers of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi produced and directed by Cy Howard and is written by Mac Benoff and Lou Durman. J. Carol Mash is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reed as Pascuali, Hans Conrad as Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. Music under the direction of Caesar Petrillo. Friends, the Wrigley Company invites you to listen to their other program, the Gene Autry Show, every Saturday night over most of these same CVS stations. This is CVS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.