 Wow, so I'm the last one and you're all thinking about lunch already, you here and you there back at home, so I tried to keep this 12 minutes really efficient, so my name is Elisa and I coach developers, and I root for communication skills, empathy, emotional skills, skills for listening, so all sorts of soft skills that actually are the ones that make you the professional. And the expert you actually want to be, so very, very vital skills. But in order for you to listen intently for the next 12 minutes because I see so much like tiredness in the room already, we're going to do a little trick and you're going to hate me for this, but I'm going to challenge you anyway. I will want you to close laptops, put away your phones, if you have a back put your phone on the back and if you have notebooks or everything just clear the table in front of you so you can lay your hands on it. You can do this already if you're just in the office watching this. Then push your chair back about five to ten centimeters. This is going to make some noise so do it quickly. Now if you are a note taker and you're starting to hyperventilate, don't worry, you can send me an email to elisa.developerhood.com and I will provide you with notes and I'm extensive note taker so you will not be disappointed with the notes that I will provide you with. And I will not use your email for anything else so it's completely safe. Now stand straight up, straight on your back. No you don't have to stand up like just sit down but straight on your back and then lean forward and put your hands on the table, both hands on the table. It's really important that you sit upright, keep breathing to the space that you now have and lean forward. That's an active listening position. It's telling your brain to listen more carefully, to pay attention, to listen what I'm saying, to learn. And you can use this position for anything if you have to listen to your spouse running about something or your boss or your colleague, especially your customers. When you want to learn and listen more carefully, just sit upright and lean forward. It tells your brain to start concentrating. And you need that as well when you're listening for feedback, which is our topic today. I've been really, really, really psyched about feedback for the past six months. I was reading about it and studying about it and I was absolutely sure that it is the next most important skill to learn, hence the topic title. However recently I got my hand to this recent research that says that actually you don't want feedback. Even if you're a millennial, you just don't want it. And that's not much of a surprise, none of us are big fans of feedback. But it turns out that we don't need it either. It doesn't help us grow, it doesn't make us better, we won't benefit from feedback. We do need the positive feedback, we do need the attention to know that we're going to the right direction. But when it comes to criticism and corrective feedback, it's not helpful. And I was like, okay, there goes my topic. So I'm going to show you some kitten videos for the rest eight minutes. But then luckily I realized that even if we don't want any feedback, even if we don't need any feedback, we're still going to get some feedback. It's going to keep coming at us from our colleagues and bosses and customers, spouses, friends, mother-in-law. And we're still going to get the flood of anger and resentment and curse words, even though we knew that we don't need the feedback. We're just going to get it anyway. So I try to help you with that for the rest of the time that I have. But before we do that, we need to actually quickly go through what feedback is. So according to Oxford English Dictionary, feedback is either information, advice or criticism about how good or useful something or somebody's work is. And that's not at all helpful way to look at feedback. Because it's sort of like a gift. I'm in possession of feedback. I'm right with my feedback. Then I'm going to give it to you like a gift. And you will have to take it as is, absorb it, grow from it and learn from it. And that's not at all what happens. You all know the feeling when you get feedback and you're seriously angry and you don't want to listen to it at all. You want to throw the computer to the wall. So it's not like a gift. Yay, like a feedback. Nice. That's not what happens. And the worst part is that when it's criticism, the feedback giver wants to leave it on your inbox. Like, there's feedback. Yeah, good luck with it. Have fun. I'm not going to touch that subject anymore. We want you to learn from it and grow from it. Just let me get out of this really awkward situation. What happens when we get feedback is that we get triggered. And there's one of three triggers that will activate. The first one is truth. The second one is relationships. And the third one is identity. And you will recognize the trigger by the inner monologue that's going through your head. So truth trigger sounds something like, that's not true. That didn't happen. That's not at all how it went. That's unfair. You don't know half of it. This is not helpful. Okay. Relationship trigger, however, sounds something like, who are you to say? After everything I've done for you, you should look in the mirror. After all the long hours and the weekends that I've put into this project. After use at the impossible deadline.