 Busted my wife cheating with a married man So I went for some petty cosmic justice Ever wondered how two marriages can be wrecked by one miss dialed call. You're about to find out How it went from wedded bliss to marital abyss Warning the following story will be upsetting to cheaters Be sure to wear a mustache to the gym But when the like button says hi pretend you don't know him I'm at a complete loss. I don't know what to do. There were signs and I overlooked them I was blinded by love and never imagined this would happen to me not with her my wife and best friend of nearly 20 years. I Work out of town and wasn't supposed to be back until tonight We were supposed to leave for a two-week road trip tomorrow things were slow at work So I came home yesterday afternoon This trip was to give us a little alone time since we've been so busy with family and friends this summer When I got home there was a truck in my driveway that I didn't recognize it clicked in my mind My neighbor just recently asked me how I liked the new truck But I thought he was mistaken and didn't think much of it As soon as I could see the truck. I got a terrible gut feeling. I Love my wife and trusted her completely But that feeling was there and strong I Snuck around the side of the house to our bedroom window It was open and I could hear them as I got close. I looked in the window and my worst fear was confirmed They were right there completely without clothes on my bed. I walked away I have been fighting the urge to do something that I know I will regret I'm struggling to care what happens to me at this point I went to my family's cabin for the night and drank everything there Today I was on my way home to confront her and decided against it I'm not ready All I can feel is anger. All I can think about is violence I'm not in a good place right now not good enough to see her. I'm back at the cabin right now I have a bottle of rum and have been staring at it for an hour I want to get drunk and forget this but I don't want to get drunk and make bad decisions I know this is a critical moment in my life and my actions in the coming days will dictate the rest of my life That's why I'm here. I need help. I'm not ready to speak to family or friends. So I'm reaching out to strangers Damn this world the amount of support and advice I've received is unbelievable. I actually got choked up Just realizing how many great people there are out there willing to help a stranger It gives me a bit of hope for the world at a moment when I needed it most The downside to all of this support is that I am struggling to respond to people. I Have over 600 private messages on red and several hundred comments on red I want to say thank you to everyone individually and I am going to make an effort to do that But it won't be quick So I will just start by giving a big thank you to everyone for your kind messages and helpful advice It really means a lot to me. I have noticed several comments and questions that keep popping up and wanted to provide clarity in addition to my minor update If you can't tell I am feeling a lot better today The consuming pain almost completely went away. I still feel like I've been punched in the gut But otherwise I have begun looking to the future. It has been two days So this doesn't seem right to me. Is this a calm before the storm or am I just freakishly resilient? As for the questions and comments I've received here are some cliff notes to clarify some things When I said wife and best friend, I was referring to the two roles my wife played in my life The other guy was not my best friend or even someone I knew I Didn't get a great look at him, but from the quick glance and seeing his vehicle. I don't feel like this is someone I know We do not have kids. We were planning to have them soon though We recently sold our house and we're set to move closer to my job in September when the new owners take possession I'm going to thank my neighbor, but I'm going to do it subtly like he did for me a Lot of people have been asking me about the signs. I mentioned overlooking Off the top of my head here are a few She was texting abnormally late at night. She went for after work drinks with friends regularly This was not like her, but I was glad that she was being social She had yoga once a week But was apparently not paying because one of her coworkers was the instructor and she was helping with setup and cleanup I also thought she was very inflexible for someone who went to yoga. There were unknown caller hang-ups We regularly answer each other's phones if we are closer to it Several times she had an unknown caller who would hang up as soon as I answered We get a lot of spam calls But usually it's a telemarketer or a debt collector looking for the previous owner of the number Rarely it's a hang-up The update is a work in progress When my brother arrived, we had a good long talk He has been my true best friend and I realized I need to always remember and know That he will always be there for me without judgment the same way I would be for him He really sets the standard for what a true friendship is Since I was supposed to be home last night. I decided to respond to my wife's text We aren't allowed to have phones on the site. So it was reasonable for me to only be texting her She knows it's easy for me to sneak in some texts. I wrote her and said I needed to go to one of my company's remote sites And wouldn't be able to call her until the end of the weekend. I Told her that I would cancel all of the reservations and rebook later She said I didn't have to cancel the romantic bed and breakfast on the vineyard as she could still go and take her best friend with her for the weekend I knew it wasn't the best friend. She wanted me to think would be going I told her that I already gave it to my brother and his wife since it was non-refundable and they would pay me back in a month This morning I canceled all of the reservations except the romantic one my brother is coming with me Fortunately, the hotel let us switch from the honeymoon suite to a room with two beds There also happens to be a really nice lake and boat rentals nearby So this just turned into a long overdue fishing trip with my brother This means I am free for the weekend. I don't have to write her or talk to her for a few days So that relieved some stress and gives me more time to think I am currently in the mindset to get a divorce I honestly can't see it any other way My brother is supportive of this but has asked me to take a few weeks and speak to someone His wife has a friend who is a couples counselor and is willing to talk to me on Monday I don't see it changing my mind, but at least it might help untangle some of this mess for me I'm also taking a bunch of the advice on here and starting to speak to lawyers At the very least to prepare for what I think is inevitable. I want to do this, right? I've never thought of her as someone who would try to screw me over, but I also never expected her to cheat So I think I need to be prepared for anything Thanks again, everyone. I'm going to try to enjoy my weekend as much as possible. A lot has happened in the past few days I'll start with the less important stuff My brother Matt and I drove nearly five hours to the bed and breakfast on the vineyard I really appreciate him being there for me through this It was more of a venting session than anything, but it really helped clear my head After spending the better part of the drive whining to him I just wanted a little alone time while he wanted to go out for dinner I stayed in the room and he went out to eat and took me back some food He also managed to rent a boat for the next day On Saturday, we hit the water The owner of the B&B knew about our plans for fishing and was nice enough to pack us a small cooler of food and drinks It was their way of making the romantic package more useful for two brothers. It was a nice gesture We stopped fishing at mid-afternoon and then drove around to all of the vineyards and fruit stands Buying food and cases of wine for Matt's wife, Jen That night we went for the biggest tomahawk steak we could find. On Sunday, we drove back to Matt's place He lives in the next town over from me, which is about an hour away from my place When we arrived, Jen was there and we all sat and cracked a bottle of white we had chilling in the cooler This is when the weekend officially ended for me Jen told me that while we were away, she decided to go spy on my wife She told me that the guy was at my place on Friday night, all night But on Saturday morning, she managed to get there just as he was leaving She followed him home and found the apartment where he lived My wife stayed over there on Saturday night The same time she was sending me text messages saying she loves me and misses me Jen said that she was splitting her time between visiting family who live in my town and stalking my wife She said that she happened to catch my wife leaving his apartment on Sunday morning and took a few pics of them Hugging and kissing before she got into her car. I don't want to see them That pretty much sealed the deal for me I don't think I could ever trust her again if she can turn it on and off so easily To tell me she loves me while being with a different guy Still, I decided that I am not going to jump to a knee-jerk reaction based on emotions I need to remain calm and level keep my emotions in check That's when Jen told me that Sharon was coming over for dinner Sharon is the counselor that Jen set me up with an appointment for To clarify she has never met my wife and this was my first time meeting her as well Sharon was a very nice person and we got along great After dinner Sharon and I went for a walk around Matt's neighborhood to walk the dogs and have a bit of a private conversation Sharon was really helpful in the fact that she was a great listener and made me feel like I didn't need to be guarded It was therapeutic to be that free with describing my feelings as much as I am comfortable with my brother This was just different and very needed It's the same reason why I like writing this on Reddit It's a vent session that helps me untangle some of the mess in my head Our walk lasted an hour and the only real advice that Sharon gave me was to not delay that conversation with my wife She said that the longer I wait the harder it will become to talk to her about this She said I need clarity more than anything at this point And my wife is the only person that can give that to me Later that night Jen and Matt offered me to stay with them for as long as necessary I know that Matt and I have an expiry period for being in close quarters with each other as some brothers do So I spoke to my boss who was able to set me up in company housing I've been staying there every second week for a while but have to leave on days off He managed to make it work for me to stay full time for a few months if I needed I decided to rebook with Sharon for later this week I figured our walk sufficed for the first session She agreed I spent the night on sunday just laying in bed thinking about how to approach this I struggled with this because even the imaginary scenario in my head was making me angry or sad I decided I would just wing it I'm usually good under pressure Yesterday I woke up and said my goodbyes to Matt and Jen I drove towards home and was thinking What if he was there when I arrived? Then I thought that it would likely just put me back in the angry spot. I was a few days ago I decided to do a drive-by first Neither his truck nor my wife's car were there I went inside and grabbed a bunch of essentials and things I don't want to part with Mainly just some photos and old family heirlooms I got them all packed up in my truck and then headed over to the guy's apartment Her car wasn't there either but his truck was I decided to write her to see where she was She said she was getting groceries I trust her so little right now that I drove by the grocery store and actually confirmed she was there I feel so dirty admitting that I did that But my trust is broken and it's the only way I can be certain of anything I texted her again and told her to just come home because we need to talk She wrote back What's wrong? I just responded and said she needs to be ready to be honest And then turned my phone off She got home 15 minutes later When she came in she came over to give me a hug and kiss Like she does every time I turned away from her She asked me again what was wrong so I told her that she needs to start being honest with me She played dumb and said she had no idea what I was talking about I said Okay, if you can't be honest then I am leaving She started panicking at this point and said Are you talking about yoga? I figured it was a start I asked her what she was talking about and she told me that she hadn't been going to yoga Here's a bit of a breakdown of the rest of the conversation If you weren't going to yoga then where were you going? I was taking walks to relax because I've been so stressed lately Why were you so stressed and why did you lie to me about what you were doing? Preparing for the move has been stressing me out and I just didn't know how to tell you So lying was the decision you made What was your concern with telling me that you were going for a walk to de-stress? I didn't mean to lie I was worried that my stress would add to your stress But I'm not stressed It really seems like you are not telling me everything What do you mean? I think that you're lying about more than just skipping yoga I am asking you again to be honest You've already lied to me so this can't work if you keep lying I don't know what else to say Oh, are you talking about last weekend when I went for drinks with some friends and came home late? I had a feeling that bothered you I had no clue that she went for drinks or was out late I was at work a couple hours away I told her is that what you actually did that night? Or was that a lie as well? I went for drinks that night, but I didn't see Karen though Karen is her best friend So I asked her who did you see? No one I just drank alone So you drink alone now? Yeah, maybe I have a problem Maybe we'll talk about that later Last chance be honest or I'm leaving Oh, I don't know what else to say Okay, I'm leaving At this point I got up and left Usually when we have an argument I go for a drive to get away from her She probably thought this was the same Then she realized I took my clothes and toiletries as well as the xbox That's when she began blowing up my phone I told her that I gave her a chance to be honest and she didn't So there's nothing left to say She begged and pleaded with me to come home to talk about this in person She said she had no idea why I was so upset Or what I think she did She repeated that she loved me and would never hurt me Just hearing her say that really tore a new hole in my chest It was always comforting words that I believed without question Now it's a dull jagged knife Sawing through my heart in the most devastating way I couldn't handle it So I hung up She called back about 40 times before I was ready to answer again This time she said Did you talk to Karen? I asked why and she said Come home, I don't want to say this over the phone I agreed and drove around a little longer to get my heart rate back down Then I went home That conversation went like this I assume you spoke to Karen I just stared at her silently Well, a few weeks ago while you were at work we went for drinks A couple of guys started buying us drinks So we just played along When we were leaving, one of the guys tried to kiss me I pulled away immediately and told him I was married I felt so bad about it And wanted to tell you But I'm an idiot and just decided to hide it from you Karen hooked up with the other guy And gave his friend my number without asking me He has texted me a few times since But I have never written him back Show me your phone Yes, of course Please look through my phone She showed me her phone which was completely empty of texts Except for myself and her mother She never deletes her texts so this was new I looked at her photos which was also clean But then I checked the deleted photos And found one of a guy I didn't recognize I asked her Who is this? That's the guy who tried to kiss me Why did you take a picture of him? I was just being stupid That's not a reason Why did you take a picture of him? I don't know Is that everything you want to tell me or is there more? That's all I can think of Once again, I left I didn't want to be trickle-truthed I got in my truck and drove away She ran outside trying to stop me But I was already out of reach I went to the park nearby and just sat on my tailgate and ate my lunch Trying to figure out what to do next While there, I began remembering other things that I should have been more aware of Things like, I was working a weekend shift and was in bed early My wife went out to the club with a few of her girlfriends I woke up at 4am and she still wasn't home I called her a few times but there was no answer About 30 minutes later, she called me back and asked if I would come and get her When I picked her up, she told me that they were trying to hail a taxi But had no luck A couple of guys that her friend knew stopped And offered them a ride but wanted to stop at home first When they got to the guy's house, her married friend went into a room with one of the guys My wife said she spent some time looking for her But then eventually gave up and just had a drink in the kitchen with the roommates While she waited She claimed she didn't hear her phone when I tried calling We fought about this and she was disgusted by her friend's actions So she cut that friend out of her life I thought that was over Another time she traveled to visit a close friend in a different city It was a planned girls night There were four girls all getting drunk and watching movies in their PJs At least that's what I was told Then she called me around 1am to say goodnight We spoke for about 20 minutes And she repeatedly told me that they were having a great girls night Then I heard a guy's voice in the background I asked who it was And she denied hearing anything at first Then it happened again, loudly She couldn't deny it, so she was like Oh yeah, ex brought a couple of guys with her Everyone here is super pissed about it She was drunk and three hours away She left me no choice but to trust her Again, we fought about that and why she refused to tell me they were there She promised never to put herself in that type of situation again Clearly that didn't stick After remembering all of those things and the conversations we had about them I was ready to give this one last shot I turned my phone back on and almost immediately it rang I answered and she was screaming for me to come home I drove back to the house I walked inside and was immediately confronted by her Balling her eyes out She was sitting on the couch repeating I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I asked her Sorry for what? She began rocking back and forth like a crazy person It took her a good five minutes to catch her breath enough to speak I lied about the guy who tried to kiss me Okay, tell me what happened The four of us actually went back to his place that night We fooled around I knew it was more than that But just hearing her say it made me feel dizzy It felt like the room was getting smaller And there were a million people speaking into my ears at the same time I think I was having a panic attack I went to the bathroom and washed my face in cold water until things returned to normal So I asked her, what did you do? Do you want me to actually tell you? I kept staring again He used his finger and I went down with my face Was that it? Yes, that was all I'm not playing this game any longer You either tell me everything right now Or this will be the last time we speak She began bawling again and took another few minutes before she was able to speak We met up again and we had sex I'm so sorry I love you and will do anything to make up for this Just the one time If I tell you the truth, please give me a chance to do anything I can to make up for it Please I'll think about it It wasn't a fair We had been hooking up while you're out of town for work It's been going on for almost a month now He is married and they are about to get divorced Does he know you are married? Yes, he knows If he's having an affair because his marriage is failing Does that mean you think ours is failing? Is that what you told him? No, I don't think ours is failing I'm so stupid I hate myself Please don't leave me I can fix this How? Whatever you want If you were in my shoes or even his wife's shoes, what would fix this for you? Knowing the truth Being able to trust you to mean what you are saying You can trust me I screwed up and won't do that again If you were his wife, wouldn't you want to know the truth? Yes, I would need to know the truth Then fix this You want me to call her If you think that is what you would want She tried calling but never got an answer A few minutes later her cell phone rang It was listed as Karen work She looked shocked, so I knew that wasn't Karen I asked if that was him, she said it was I answered and being the coward he is, he said Oops, must be the wrong number I said, no, this is the husband of the girl you've been cheating with I'm going to let you speak to her Because she has something to say to you I passed her the phone I told him everything He knows the entire truth We're done It was just a fling, and now you need to never contact me again I asked to see the phone before she hung up And asked him, what divorce lawyer are you using? I'm not getting divorced Oh, but didn't you tell my wife that you were? No, I didn't tell her any of that Okay, then can I speak to your wife? I feel she has as much right to know about this as I do Please man, I didn't know she was married Don't ruin my marriage over a mistake You ruin mine over a mistake It's only fair that I tell your wife Please don't She's at work right now I will tell her everything when she gets home, I swear That's where I hung up I asked my wife if she knew where his wife worked and her name She did and told me I had my wife call over and ask for her at work She did get her on the phone and told her to take a seat This woman said she was just getting ready to leave for the day And she would call my wife back from her car She did His wife What's going on? I have something terrible to tell you And I don't want to cause any accidents Please don't drive Oh my god, did something happen to him? Referring to her husband, my wife told her No, no He's at your apartment right now I am just letting you know that we have been having an affair for a month now I'm coming clean to my husband right now And thought you should be given the same respect She went silent for about a minute, then said If this is some sick joke, I will find out who you are Then she hung up Not even 10 minutes later my wife got a text from Karen, work, saying Thanks, you just ruined my life I grabbed the phone and wrote back You just ruined four lives and two marriages Don't forget that this was your fault, you piece of shit For the next hour, my wife begged and pleaded with me to stay with her She offered counseling She offered to never leave my side She even offered me favors she must have learned from that strange guy This was everything that I expected, thanks to the comments in here She then said we should go on that vacation, her treat We need time away was her reason We need to spend some quality time together Because my work schedule has been pushing us apart lately Also exactly what I expected her to say She wasn't expecting me to tell her that I went anyway She also wasn't expecting me To tell her that I already have counseling booked for myself She definitely wasn't expecting me To tell her that I busted her on my very own bed I could only imagine she didn't expect me to have a place already lined up to stay When I told her all of that, she fell to the floor bawling She started saying how she doesn't deserve to live She told me I should just delete her right now Because she's too terrible to be with anyone It went on like that for a while I stayed for a total of four hours listening to her make excuses Then try to hug me or cuddle me Or even try advances from in different ways To try for me to just stay and work through this with her In the end, I called Karen and told her that her cheating friend is in danger As she's saying crazy stuff about hurting herself And that she should come keep an eye on her Then I left It's been almost a full day since that went down And I haven't spoken to her since She has been calling and texting me all day Her friends and family have been calling and texting me all day Everyone has a different excuse Or a different plea for empathy Her father is the only one who wrote me And told me that I need to do what is best for me And that he will always love me like a son No matter what happens Reading that was what made me have a good cry for the first time Since all of this began I meet with Sharon, my counselor tomorrow And a lawyer on Thursday I think I know where this is going But until it happens I am just not sure about anything This past week was very eventful I've been going back and forth between camp and my brother's place I'm trying to be as little a burden on them as possible So I only stay on nights when I have an early appointment My company has allowed me to take a few weeks for personal time Which has been an amazing help I have continued visiting Sharon, the therapist I've seen her a total of three times now I personally am in a better state of mind than I was last week So while I don't really think our visits are that productive I think it's a good chance to clear some thoughts I have in my head For that reason, I will keep going for now I spoke with a lawyer last Thursday With their direction I made a list of all assets and finances Including debt I then went to the bank And asked them to put a stop on our accounts That doesn't allow anyone to withdraw money Without the other person present We both have our pay deposited into our personal accounts So this won't stop either of us from accessing new money Just the old and shared money The lawyer did suggest that I don't confront her Until I serve her the papers But it's already too late for that For the duration of the week I was receiving calls and texts pretty much constantly From my wife, her family, and her friends This past weekend My sister-in-law organized a family get-together at the cabin I went and had to drop the bombshell on my family At least it's out in the open now And I can include them in my recovery process Things were going as great as can be expected Until Saturday night At around 8 p.m. I was sitting around the fire with my brother and dad When my wife's car pulled up My brother Matt told me that he would take care of it My dad and I decided to go for a walk around the property Out of sight from the driveway We were barely in the forest When I could hear my wife screaming at my brother To get out of her way She had a couple of friends with her And they were yelling at Matt as well Telling him to mind his own business He made a valiant attempt But ultimately they were too much for him to handle She got past him and rushed right towards us She must have seen us head that way My dad offered to deal with her But I said I will deal with her My wife, let's call her Kate for simplicity's sake Came running over to me balling She immediately went for the hug And I didn't stop her But I didn't hug her back She begged me to just speak to her I agreed And we walked around the property trails to have a little privacy Kate tells me that the other guy's wife has left him She told me that he called threatening to delete himself And blamed it all on her She claims that she told him to just do it And hasn't spoken to him since Kate then pulls out a piece of paper And starts listing off ways that she promises to make it up to me Again, these are all things she offered on the first day Everything from couples counseling To mentioning specific requests That she thinks I dream about in my fantasy Then she caught me off guard She says that she doesn't want to continue living this way She said that she wants us both to quit our jobs And go live overseas Start that little beach bar we've always talked about She said she would leave right now if I would go with her To put this into context This past week while trying to envision my life post-divorce This is the only thing I could think of I figured a complete restart of everything I'm already going through the effort of a massive change May as well add another piece to it And just do exactly what I want To hear her wanting the exact same thing Just made me snap back into that feeling of missing her And wanting to be with her That was the moment I knew I had to end the conversation I walked her back to her car where her friends were waiting I told her that I would be willing to speak on the phone But couldn't promise anything beyond that It calmed her enough to leave We've spoken on the phone each night since but it's always the same She cries and begs me for another chance I get angry at her for what she did and hang up I'm currently struggling with missing her really bad She was my best friend for decades So losing that person to speak to is hard Realizing that all of the dreams and plans we shared Are just thrown away is devastating I want nothing more than to just pack it up And start life over somewhere else I want that to be with her but she ruined it She robbed me of that You handled that masterfully I hope someday you feel like you can trust again Healing from that isn't going to be easy But I know you can do it You have a great family and are very lucky to have that support system Good luck to you I'm proud of you sir You need to do what's best for you I'm glad you didn't fall for any of that You need to continue to stay strong And not fall for anything else she has to say You can get through this You are loved You will be happy again Never forget that she dared to replace you by that POS In a holiday you paid for No amount of begging and pleading should make you forget that evil That wraps it up for this story Unfortunately we will never get another update As OP has closed his account down There might be a fickle of hope If he sees this episode and reads your advice I believe he wouldn't go back I truly believe he can't get back after seeing what he saw that night But what do you think? Also, what do you think about the narration? Would love to pick your brain I try to make these episodes as awesome as I possibly can For you So feel free to let me know Before we say our goodbyes Don't forget to smack the like button into oblivion And I'll see you In the next one