 Imagine raising a kid ever since he was a child, feeding him, nurturing him with love, watching him grow mentally and physically. And then one day he comes up to you and he says, dad, I want to be a Discord moderator when I grow up. I wouldn't hesitate to slam that little shit into the dirt. Because if we're being honest, I'd rather my son say, hey dad, I want to be a professional bum and live off the income for the rest of my life. I mean technically, it's the same thing. Unless I get that wrong, but that's besides the point. Discord moderators, let's call them DMs for short. DMs are the types of kids that grow up getting wedges, toilet bucks, stuffed in lockers back in middle school, and how they swore to take their revenge out on everyone and anyone. No joke, I was once IRL friends with a DM when we were walking down the street one day to the store, and I noticed he kept violently stomping every 7 to 10 seconds. And I asked him, why do you walk like that? Why do you stop every few seconds? And he looks me dead in the eyes and says, I'm not just stomping for no reason. I'm crushing every single buggy and insect I can find. I've already warned you, everyone shall no pay. Everyone will pay for what they've done to me. Along with childhood trauma that's translated itself into uncontrollable rage, DMs have three superpowers. Number one is the power to know if an e-girl or booby streamer joins a discord server. It doesn't matter if they're 300 miles away from a nearby computer, streamed it in the Sahara Desert about to pass out from heat exhaustion, something just clicks in the back of their brain. Wait, I can't die yet. My e-girl senses are tingling. I'm coming for you, my sweet. Number two, the power to know someone self-promoting in the server. Well, whatever you do, if you got to YouTube channel link to your discord profile and someone in the server tries to get you to start talking about it, just pretend like you didn't even hear what they just said. It's not real. It's just a test from a discord moderator using a burner account to fool you and to self-promote so that they can ban you. And lastly, number three, the power to know if anyone says some spooky words. You know what words I'm talking about? The spooky n-word, the spooky f-word. I say them right now, you know, because I'm not some don't say those words. You'll get canceled. You'll get canceled by the internet canceled. I'll give a shit, all right? But YouTube will be like, oh, you want monetization on your video? That's cute. That's real cute. But this is by far a DM's most powerful skill. It allows them to know down to the exact number how many people in the world are saying the n-word at any given second. And it makes up 90% of all the power vested in them. But for them to get this skill, they literally have to have no social life whatsoever. I know it may not seem like it, but you can bet that there's some discord mod online watching the chat, sipping his midnight coffee, waiting to not only ban someone for saying the spooky n-word, but also just ban people saying words that sound like the n-word. Did you just tell the discord audience that you went to visit your grandpa in Nicaragua? Bam! Did you just tell the discord audience about the new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Bam! Did you just try to tell the discord audience about the new vocabulary word niggardly that's relating in English class? Yes, my friend. You are banned. Because to them, every word that starts with the letter n is someone trying to make a loophole of the n-word. And it might seem like the victims are the ones on the receiving end of this. But no, discord moderators are tormented souls. This isn't something that they can control. Once a DM has granted this ability, it takes over their mind, soul, and body. And n-word hunting takes priority over everything in their life. Man, it sure is great eating food with my family, my beautiful wife, and my beautiful son. And thanks dad, we love you too. So son, how are you doing at school? Dad? You okay? I think he's choking. Hold on, I'll try the Heimlich. It's not working. I'm not strong enough. Son, maybe you can help. You've always had your dad strength. Okay mom, I'll try to- Son? What are you doing? I said help your dad. Why are you hesitating? Why are you walking back to your room? Your father's about to die. Sorry dad, sorry mom. I can't help right now. Someone just said the n-word in the discord server. I gotta go. Hello, hello, this is Necaps. Just here to tell you to click the notification bell. Yes, yes. All right, bye, bye, bye, bye.