 You're listening to highlights from The David Feldman Show, heard nationwide on Pacifica Radio, or as a podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, and now YouTube. Please subscribe to this channel. For more information, go to davidfeldmanshow.com. Thank you for listening. The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you. You sad, pathetic humps. It's going to be very antagonistic between me and Alex. It sounded like you were in a mood, man. Well, we're like a gay couple. This is what I've decided. I'm the bottom. I'm a power bottom, though. They say that's who controls the action. Let me know when we're rolling, Alex. Are we rolling? We've been rolling? Aren't you supposed to point... I didn't see you point the finger at me. The middle finger doesn't care. Can you hold a pen in the future? That's it. I know it sounds pretentious. It looks pretentious to point a pencil at me to let me know that we're rolling. But that's what people do in professional show business. Do you want me to slate myself? Yes, please. Joe DeVito, appearing on the David Feldman podcast. Are we actually rolling? Okay, I had to get my own coffee today. What an insult. A man of your stature. He is so over me. I'm telling you, finding good help. He's just like... I walk into the studio. He's just... He's got bigger, bigger fish to fry. Joe DeVito joins us. Are we rolling? No, we're not. Until I see a pencil aimed at me. Take 38. Joe DeVito joins us. Thank you for coming back. My pleasure. I had a great time last night. You were amazing. That taxoplasmosis stuff. The Toxoparasite. I love it. You kind of explained a lot of stuff to me with that. I think it's true. I think some women, not men though, right? Men, the Toxoparasite encourages impulsive risk-taking behavior. So they find it in guys who die in motorcycle crashes a lot. They found they have Toxo a lot. Cats. This is cats who are doing this. Yeah, it's from rats into cats and then back through that cycle again. Cats are killing us. They're murderers. That's what they do in so many ways. They wipe out wildlife. They're coming for us. They have a parasite that they give to us as a gift. And it affects the way we perceive things. Yeah, through their turds too for the ultimate insult. You're not making this up. No, no. It's great stuff. It's great stuff. I try to picture to a friend of mine a movie where the Toxoparasite somehow merged with rabies and that's how we got our zombie outbreak. And he was not in favor of that movie. I find cats to be hysterically funny. Oh, I love them. I love cats. But you're playing with fire. They're dangerous. Yeah. They are capable of doing horrible, horrible things. Joe DeVito is the Italian Andy Kindler. That's what I've decided. I'll take it. You are the Italian Andy Kindler. And you open for Andy, right? Yeah, I've worked with him a bunch of times. That was one of the big thrills when I first got to meet him. You know what fun it is when you meet the people when you're doing comedy and they're like, oh, that's the guy that I looked up to. And of course, Andy is such a gregarious lunatic offstage, too. He has a new podcast that's doing really well, Thought Spiral, that he does with J. Elvis Weinstein. Everybody should subscribe to it. It's fantastic. Let's talk about being Italian. Do you like my pronouncing it Italian? I've come to terms with it. I can't say I'm a big fan. I noticed that it seems to bring you a great deal of joy. So I've learned to live with it. Would you like directions to the Pizza Hut for something authentic? When did you meet Andy Kindler? Because it is like talking to the Italian. Should I be hunching forward as I deliver these punch lines? What I find interesting is that Andy sees himself in you. There's a bit of narcissism. Really? Well, he must because you open for him. Yeah. It means that Andy loves himself. Could be. Because if I saw myself in another comedian, I would try to crush the skull. Yeah, exactly. I would see it as a threat. Yeah, because I hate myself. But Andy obviously loves himself enough. He enjoys seeing himself on stage. How similar onstage are you to Andy Kindler? Because it does feel like I am talking to the... I'd say a little bit. It's always the tricky thing when you find a comic that you like so much when you're first starting out to not mimic their style. I think you see that with... Did he have an influence on you? I would say so, but I remember watching him way before he even thought of doing stand-up on Dr. Katz and thinking this guy's hysterical. That was a drawing of Andy. It was, but it was still his voice. I just know that was a cartoon. I didn't think he was squiggly through advanced Parkinson's that he recovered from. I met him actually when I did Montreal in 2006 for New Faces. He's an omnipop guy and my manager introduced me to him. That was really a thrill. Yeah, that's what's pretty cool. It was one show, I remember. Did you ever work comics when it was in Manhattan? No. It was on 14th Street and they booked a show. Listen to this show. It was me hosting Maria Bamford in the middle in Andy Closing and I just was thrilled. Was that an omnipop show? No, it just happened to work out that way. It was very interesting because as much as I love Andy, I know some people just don't understand what it is he's doing on stage. And for the first three of the four shows, you're more likely to have Japanese businessman get his jokes before Middle America gets him. Yeah, and it's interesting to watch a crowd at one of his shows because a third of the room is laughing hysterically. A third is in and out and a third is completely baffled. And you'll see different groups represented at the same table. So you'll think, oh, well, people have friends must have the same sense of humor. But yes, three of the four shows was people who came to see Maria and Andy or that kind of act. And I, you know, I've been around, I can hold my own. But then the last show was just people came to regular comedy club, which is my audience. You know, I'm a road guy and they liked Maria. They didn't quite understand her, but they liked her. And Andy, they just did not know what the hell was going on. And as much as I love Andy, there's something about watching when he's not doing well. It's a million times funnier than his regular set when he turns on the audience. Well, yes, what's funny, that's, I say this all the time on the show, but when I take a break from stand up and come back to it, I always go into the kill zone until I realize you're not supposed to kill. You're not a guy who kills. Your job is to not kill. It's funnier when a comic isn't killing. It's more honest. It's authentic. Yeah. It's real human. It's dangerous. He's obviously not doing, if you're bombing, you're either not doing your tried and true stuff or you're telling the same jokes, but the act now is in the moment because you're trying to figure it out. You have no choice. Yeah. That's always the challenge. I find that lately it's a positive thing, although it's definitely some growing pains that, you know, last week I did a show on a Saturday night. It was a fundraiser and, you know, the people on the way out telling me what a wonderful time they had, but the whole time I was on stage, I was thinking, what am I talking about? I don't give a shit about any of this stuff. And then the next night I went up and I just talked honestly about what's going on in my life and took some risks and all that, and it was infinitely more rewarding, although there were some moments where even I was like, I have to do something to pull them back in now. But then they would because even jokes that are jokes in my act, they now seem different once I've done that other stuff up front. I don't know if that explains it, but you know what I'm saying? Like once they're aware of me, oh, this is an act, this is an actual person, and that's the direction I want to eventually go in. Is it fair to an audience to have material that they don't get? Interesting. I think you have to respect the audience that... Is it fair to have a reference to Gary Powers? You don't have a reference that nobody gets, but I don't know, are you opening for you too at the moment? That's pretty intense if you're able to... That's a funny joke, I'm not going to laugh, but that's a funny joke. Where I get nervous about... It's a rainy day and I'm kind of... Yes, I appreciate it. Yeah. What I like is a reference that enough of the people in the audience get that the rest of the people are aware that something happened that they didn't understand. So are you making the audience feel stupid? I'm not talking about Andy, I'm talking about referring to things that the audience, quote-unquote, should know. Is that fair to... Well, should... That introduces a good variable to it, yeah. There are times where I ended to show the other night the crowd was so miserable and I told my last joke and I said, I'm not fucking explaining this joke to you people. That was good night. But so when you get older, you become a grammarian. I think you become more rules or rules. Because when you're young... Go on with that. But when you're young, you want to be a rebel. An old rebel is kind of pathetic. Because an old rebel, that's when you want to have a little stability. When you're young, you can be wild and reckless. And I think I even feel as I get older, rudeness and poor customer service make me insane. Even I think the heat too, when it was really hot the other day, someone in front of me was walking too slow and I had to resist the urge to hit them in the back of the head. And I don't think as a young man, I wouldn't even have been aware of the outrage of someone stepping too slowly in front of me. So I think when you get older, you become, dare I say, a bit more conservative in that way and your approach to things that you kind of like when people adhere to certain rules. I'm a rebel, but I color within the lines. I believe in the temple of democracy and having a common discourse where there are 435 congressmen and 100 senators. And you use that framework to rebel and discuss and scream and argue. Sure. But you have to have the rules of the road and it feels like there should be rules of the road when it comes to stand up. Well, again, I'm a road guy. Yeah. I dip my toe. Are there rules to the road? I think so because... What are the rules to the road? You don't steal jokes from people. Absolutely not. But even that now has become... That'll always be around. Because there are just some people who... There's some people who getting the love from the audience at any cost is why they're in this. But the rule is you don't steal from your fellow comedians. No, you don't. Even though the internet says... Go for it. Yeah. Yeah. Talk to me about that for a second. Well, the main difference I've noticed is that it seems like in New York City there's much more an emphasis on you tried to do something. And if you didn't quite pull it off, that was still okay. If you're... What did they say? Your grasp exceeded your reach or whatever. Whereas on Long Island, where I do most of my work, people got babysitters, they paid for parking, they had dinner. You're there to deliver. They don't give a shit about try. You're there to do. So I think you have to cross train a little bit. Whereas you have to come to Manhattan to be creative and work on the new stuff. But everywhere outside, you have to respect them enough to try and give them some sort of a good show. In Manhattan, you're playing a tourist. Yeah. Well, it depends on what neighborhood you're in, too. And the tourists tend to be forgiving. And they want you to try something. I have found in Manhattan that you could bring in the most racist, homophobic tourist, but they will be accepting of anything because... What the hell, I'm in New York City. They're on your turf. And they're saying, I want to experience New York City. So I can't... I'm going to be non-judgmental. I'm here to eat food that gives me diarrhea and I'm here to listen to material that would otherwise make my head explode. But in Long Island, this is my home. Yeah, and you have to come through. What are the rules to the road? As a comedian, how long have you been doing comedy? This month is actually 16 years and full time since 2007. What are the rules? Are there rules you... Because there were rules when I was starting out. Do you mean on stage or like rules of conduct? Rules of conduct. In terms of on stage. On stage, I would say... I guess because I was older when I started... You know, my young days I had long hair and played guitar and bands and I got all that crap out of the way then. So I never was tempted to be a party guy. So when I see guys go on stage drinking, it's bad. All the other weird tics... Why is it bad? Because it's disrespectful, I think. To home. To the audience and to the club. You're not there to party, you're there to work. If whatever substance abuse you want to do, you do that after the show. That's what I think. But suppose it's part of my persona. Drink apple juice. Like Dean. Like Dean did, yeah. Sometimes I'll go on stage with a glass of wine and I'll do a joke about it, but to me it's... I saw too many people I started with who thought because the shows were in bars that meant you just got loaded and then they fell by the wayside. Suppose you go on stage with wine and do shots throughout your act and you continue to kill. Well, good for you. Although I did learn about a great scam a friend of mine told me. She saw this headliner before the show said to the wait staff, five minutes in my act I'm going to tell a certain joke when you hear it, come to the stage with a shot of whiskey. And when I ask you who it's from, say someone in the audience bought it for you. And we were like, well, what does this mean? Well, the guy's an alcoholic. So he tells this joke, gets a big laugh, waitress comes with a shot of whiskey and he goes, oh, what's this? And she goes, someone in the audience bought it for you. And he goes, oh, you people are so nice buying shots and sending them to the stage. So the audience wants to participate. A whole rest of the night you're sending shots to the stage. So the guy can barely stand by the time he's done. Oh, wow. And he didn't even pay for a single drink. He used his drink ticket for the one up front. So what a perfect, what a devious mind. Now that's a comic who is not writing in a notebook. He's not coming up with new bits, but he figured out a way to game the system to feed his addiction. There was a waitress at the punchline. Her name was Kristen Stanley. This was like 20 years ago. And when I was headlining, I would work this out with her. I'd say, I'm going to ask you for a greyhound. And then when you bring it to me, just as you're, with the outstretched hand, I'm going to say thanks, honey. And then just throw it in my face. And then just pretend there's some history between us. But it's not, it's not because I called you honey and it's sexist. There's something going on. And we did it a couple of times. It really freaked the audience out. Sure. I had to stop doing it because I think they, I was afraid it was going to hurt her tips. Because they were thinking, what happened between these two? Because I, you know, I don't like not referring to it. I would just take a long pause, ask for a napkin, wipe my face down, and just let the audience try to figure out, is he, is she suing him? What is going on? But she had to go back to waiting on tables. Yeah, yeah. So it wasn't, it was funny for me. And she was willing to do it on a real sound. This may not be bad. I think audiences like surprises, but they don't like something unresolved. Like that. They don't like, because then how could they focus on the rest of your jokes? Uh-huh. Well, yeah. But I always, you know, you mix it up. When you're bored on stage, you want to mix it up. So the rule is you don't steal, you don't go on stage drunk. Obviously things like respect the light, don't go way over your time. There used to be a rule I was told, which I don't buy into, because Andy Kindler's made a career out of it. You don't acknowledge a joke didn't go over. Keep going, keep going. That was one of the rules. Have you ever heard that rule? I've heard of it in the sense that there's some guys who their whole act is savers. Mm-hmm. And at a certain point, it always made me think, just write better jokes and don't have to talk about how your jokes are bombing all the time. But what Andy does is a deconstruction. So that's different. So what do you do when you're bombing? Usually I try to not get too deep into my own head about it. One of the things that's... Do you define a bomb? Do you say this is a bomb? Or do you say, well, it's second show Friday night. I will rarely admit to bombing on stage. To yourself. To the audience. What about to yourself? Yeah, I'll know. Like, oh, this isn't good. How do you define a bomb? I would say... Well, I'm pretty free... Is a bomb a subjective thing? Or can it be measured? I think it's a feeling of, oh, what I do is not right for this audience. And I don't look at it as, oh, they're stupid. I don't remember who said it, but the idea that, well, if you're so smart and they're so dumb, you figure out how to make them laugh. And I think there's a lot of truth in that. Is bombing existential? I think it's existential in that you define it yourself. You can actually be bombing and then move the goalpost and decide it's a kill. It's up to the comic to decide whether or not he's bombing or she. I think it's definitely become an existential experience. There was one time I was on stage at Danger Fields, which is not an easy club. And it was 20 minutes of eating shit. And you really start to think, you go beyond, oh, this isn't going well to my whole life's a fraud. How could I ever think I was going to pull this off? And then you come off stage and someone goes up and's doing the arms behind the back bit with someone from the audience and then you're like, well, the hell with these people, if they're going to laugh at that. But it's up to you to decide. Sure. I was on stage the other night eating shit and it just went on and on and on. And I thought, you know what? I'm full. I'm going to put this shit away. Maybe I shouldn't be eating shit on stage. Gorging yourself. I'm making a pig out of yourself. I do think even this podcast is existential because people criticize it and say, why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? Yeah. And I'll go, I like doing this. I still want to have this guest on the show. Don't listen. No one forces anyone. No. And I think the same applies to stand-up. I've watched a lot of comics not get huge laughs but because they decided it was going well, they were killing. And they turned it around? Or they weren't going by the laughs. Huh. Interesting. There are certain comics who don't define themselves by the level, the decibel levels of their laughs. I could see that. See, I usually see that in the negative of the person who goes up in tanks and then comes off stage and they're so delusional. They think they have laugh ears. They think they killed. When you're on the road, you have an opening act. It's usually a local guide. I don't have a position to bring people. Are you measuring the decibels? Before you go on, do you determine? You know, I'll listen mostly to hear, oh, do we have any things in common? If we have common topics, then I try and make my adjustment. I'm either going to drop the block of material or think, oh, so-and-so talked about this and here's what I have to say about it. But what I've learned is when I first started to work the road was 2008. And at that time, if I was closing outside New York, the middle act was an established road guy and the MC was the funniest guy in town. And then, of course, as soon as I started getting paid, the economy collapsed, which I took personally. And then that meant because the budget's got cut, the MC, the funniest guy in town, is now the middle and the guy who won the open mic contest is now hosting. So sometimes they sit through 40 minutes of pretty bad comedy before I would go up. So sometimes it's good. They have soft expectations, but other times they're watching a shitty show and you feel bad for them and they look at you a little suspiciously when you go up. Right. And then you have to, I find in that situation, I try to say something funny as fast as possible so they can go, oh, thank God. And then they relax. I'm thinking of a dickens, soft expectations, small penis joke. I'm sorry. Forgive me. What would you rather have? A lot of laughs or a couple of really big ones? Depends on the nature of the laughs. If it's something honest, if it's a joke that I think is really funny, I'll take the few big laughs as opposed to killing with stuff that I don't really care about. I mean, it depends where, like when I work family resorts and stuff where I have to work clean, I go heavy on Italian stuff or Italian material as it's also known. But I like the jokes I've written about it, but I don't particularly feel a compulsion to talk about lasagna and family dinners. Whereas I'd rather be up and down talking about depression or suicide or something like that, like the things that I'm actually thinking about. So I know that those kind of laughs will go in and out, but when they hit, there's an extra resonance to them. It's so interesting when you're saying playing family resorts. When I was starting out, I thought, you know, I'm in my early 20s, if I could just put on a tux. I'm serious. Yeah. And go on a cruise and play family resorts and play Vegas and have that kind of act, I would be so happy. But I never wrote an act that would allow me to do that. There's still time. And people have said to me, well, you'd be cursed then because you'd be spending the rest of your life playing cruise ships and family resorts in Vegas. I think, well, how is that a curse? I think as long as you're not wishing you were somewhere else, I know when I do those kind of shows, I look at them as a challenge to say, how can I be me and express myself in a way that works within these constraints? And there's a pleasure in that. There's a censorship on cruise ships and family resorts. I always say, well, what's offensive now? How do you define inappropriate for a family? To be honest with you, everything's inappropriate now. Everything that makes somebody laugh. I actually sent Brian Kiley, the great comedy writer slash comedian, a joke today. I texted him. He said, is this funny? Somebody must have done this. And the joke is, I've been divorced for 10 years, but I still send my wife a box of chocolates every Friday because she's a diabetic. I said, now somebody must... That's a fine joke. That's a fine joke. That I thought, the only problem with that joke is, I hate my wife. I'm trying to think, you know, and that's like from the 50s. That joke is... You like that joke? How old are you? But I love Borscht Bell D. It is Borscht Bell D, right? You can certainly hate your wife in 2017. But that's a cliche. And so Brian Kiley, who's a saint when it comes to comedy, wrote back, you're probably going to piss off women. Yeah. And I wrote back, hello, I'm David Feldman, pisses off women. But is that offensive? Could you do that at a family resort? I wouldn't do that joke there. But I'm more concerned about saying something that's going to piss people off in a comedy club than I am in a family resort. I'm interested. Let's go down the family resort because I'm interested in this. Because it's a type of censorship that's different or maybe close to the kind of censorship that's going on with Kathy Griffin and now Eliza Schlesinger has taken to Twitter and Facebook to ask women to stop talking about their vaginas. And then Felicia Michaels, who I have to have on the show again, wrote a very conflicted piece for Tango about women talking about their vaginas. Since no women are here, I think you and I should... We can probably work this topic over too. And decide whether or not women should talk about their vaginas. So if there are any female comics listening... Listen up, ladies. Listen up because Joe and I are going to tell you... Pencils out of your vaginas. I think it's a very... I don't even call it censorship. This is what makes me laugh. This is one particular resort I work at. There are times where I show up and they'll say, oh, just so you know, tonight's age is seven and up and not age is 10 and up. And I laugh because I think, what adjustment do you think... How finely calibrated do you think the ex is? Who's Milton Bradley? They're never going to get the eight-year-olds. I'm going to lose them. But I like going there because to me, I look at it as if I were to have a conversation. Did they really say that to you? Yeah. Well, hold it for one second. What is the difference between a seven-year-old and a 10-year-old? In terms of what I do, absolutely nothing. Right. But I look at it as... By the way, Gary Glitter used to say that as well. That's terrible. Yes, it is. I look at it as they've hired me. They know who their audience is. I have to respect that and I respect that as well. I look at it this way. You really offended me, mister. I'm only seven. Well, I did have... I mean, my older sister, she's 10. She was okay. She's cool with it, but I'm only seven. Come on. Nobody plays Twister anymore. That's weird. Where are your pants? I look at it as just if I were to speak... If someone were to introduce me to their grandmother, I would speak to them as myself, but in a different way than if they introduced me to their son or... Well, you'd probably be talking a lot louder. I would. The horn she's holding in her ear. I find it more of a concern in the clubs because I don't know what it is people get bent on. My grandmother was so deaf, she had to put the horn in her ass. To speak or to fart? I was going for an enema joke, but I think that's better. Hang on. Go ahead. I'll give an example of a joke I do in the clubs. That was just... Can we edit that out? I know we go live to tape. That's okay. Can we just edit it? Huh? Yeah. The good news is we haven't even started recording yet. It was a joke about my... Hang on. I'm sorry. Hold that thought for one second. It was a joke about my beloved grandmother putting an ear horn in her ass. Can we take that out, please? It's a horror... He's actually holding up a pencil now, but stabbing it into the side of his neck. Here's a joke I tell in the clubs. I talk about women being dishonest with the online dating and when they brag about their kids. And the joke is the woman says, mother of a great son, and I say, well, I'll be the judge of that. And the follow-up is besides if the kid's so great, why did his dad leave? And what I've learned is sometimes they'll tell that it gets a groan, but if I pause and take a very long sip of my drink and look at them, that gets a huge laugh. Wow, because they're there. They're realizing, oh, this guy's not messing around. Now that's a kind of joke other comics think is hysterical. Right. But if you tell a joke in just a comics and back laugh, usually you have to think, what have I done? I think it's amazing. That's what makes it so thrilling is that you take a sip of water and you get a laugh off that. And you could never have written that without doing the joke. There's no way I could have written a joke where I would have thought, and here's where I take a sip and that gets a laugh. You can't reverse engineer jokes that way. Okay, so what is too offensive for a cruise ship? Well, the ships I don't know, I know that with this family resort. Because here's my complaint. Okay. That people who claim to be family comics are rapists. Bill Cosby could play a cruise ship. Sure, Vince Champ. Yes. Pretty prolific rapists too. Well, they don't know who Vince Champ is. Vince Champ was a college comic who used to rape the college women. And do you know what he finished with? The rape with? No. Was it the hands behind the back bit? Please tell me it wasn't... No, I'm ashamed to tell you this because it's really creepy. He used to finish his rape with Pray For Me. Oh, God. And they're... All right. Well, I heard... I heard he got caught because a woman heard his voice on the radio doing promo. And they recognized the voice. So, yeah, and there was a squeaky clean, almost like a preacher-y type act. You mean like Bill Cosby? Well, Bill Cosby was lecturing people on their morality. Right. And, well, we'll see. Good thing that's all resolved. But it's interesting to hear the divide on that. I was in a doctor's office. There's a divide on Bill Cosby? There's a divide older black women who support Bill Cosby. Huh? I was listening to them talk about it, and these older black women were like, these women coming out after all these years, they're just trying to get money. And I thought, oh, this is interesting. And I also knew, better keep my little mouth shut because the chances of me saying something wrong here are about 150%. Yeah. It reminds me of the OJ verdict where we didn't understand why African-Americans were cheering. Is Frank Conif here? So, are we going to take a break? Oh, hey, Frank. You sit at the head of the table. I love your t-shirt. The trip to the moon, from the Earth to the moon. Yep. Frank Conif is here. Hi. Hey. I would have sent you a car. I prefer to walk. Frank Conif. I don't want to be beholden to David Feldman for a lift. Do you know the Italian Andy Kindler? We've met at Eastville once before. Hey, how are you doing? Let me do the introductions. I'm not going to introduce Frank Conif because he needs no introduction. He needs a cup of coffee. I've got a Mexican Coke. I'm fine. Thank you. This sounds like a sexual act. Mexican Coke. The old Mexican Coke. It has a... That was a scandal with Canta Floss in the 20s. Virginia Rapé. Mexican Coke. Little fatty art bubble reference. Joe DeVito is Andy Kindler's favorite comedian. Next to you, Joe DeVito opens for Andy. Have you ever met him before? Andy Kindler, yes, many times. Have you ever met... We've met once before. I know the name, of course. Think of Andy Kindler, drained of all his Judaism. This is Joe DeVito. I know the Pomodoro sauce. Fine, marinara. Well, Joe DeVito came on the show last week for Frank Conif. May I just tell you how much... How glad I am to see you. I'm glad to be here. I came on the show last week, too, but you just never saw me. What show? This show. I showed up last Saturday because I thought I was supposed to be here. Me, too. But then Alex said no. Wait a second, Alex made a mistake? No, I made a mistake. He told me the right date, but I assumed it was that coming Saturday. Oh. Alex is just really messing up today. You know how Jackie the Jokeman would write jokes for Howard? Alex just told me to do a joke about putting an earhorn in my grandmother's anus so she could fart louder. I told it because I trust Alex's instincts. We've been getting a lot of calls about it. We've been getting a lot of calls. Cats. What is the name of your new book? My book is called Cats V Conif, and it's about my cat suing me for defamation of character. Because if you follow me on social media, you know that they're the stars of my social media feed. Barney. Barney and Millie, and I exploit them, and they finally had enough and they took me to court. And this book is a chronicle of that whole thing that everybody already read about in the papers. Yeah. It's like a Corey Feldman kind of situation. Yeah, yeah. You know, I did read about it in the papers, but there is insight now because time, enough time has passed after the trial. Right. You're giving your version. I'm giving, well, I'm giving a straightforward version of what happened. You are a cat person still. Yes, I'm a dog person too, but just living in the city, I haven't had dogs. In my adult life, I really haven't had dogs. I grew up with them. I'm going to ask you a serious question because I remember this vividly. You were sitting on your bed reading. That's about a year ago. And Barney, for no reason, clawed your hand. Yeah, he actually did that last night too when I was sleeping. He just attacked my foot. And I'd been away for a few days, so I don't know if that had anything to do with it. And you said, fuck you, Barney. I remember this vividly. He said, fuck you, Barney. I want to know if he understood fuck you, Barney. He understands if I yell at him that I'm upset. He does understand that. I think maybe he takes a while to figure out what I'm upset about, but he'll like, you know, run away and stuff if I yell at him. Joe DeVito, tell him about taxoplasmosis. I'm a huge fan of the Toxoparasite. We talked about that last time, the one that's passed on to the cat feces to the rats and pregnant women have to avoid it and all that in the psychological effects. And I've heard that if someone told me the other day that everything in our homes are what give cats liver problems, that all the toxins in our homes, if you have a house cat, that's how they get liver problems. I thought it was from the drinking. Scotch. Well, that too. Meow mix. It's okay to give them Scotch. Don't give them Brandy Alexander's because it's the milk that's bad for them. And also chocolate. They can't eat chocolate cats. Dogs can't eat chocolate. I don't know if it's true with cats, but I know it's true that it's really bad to give a dog chocolate. But cats don't really like sweet stuff usually. Yeah. Dogs eat anything. Yeah, exactly. Once you've crossed the eating your own shit barrier, I think you really can't get too fussy with the rest of the menu. Right, right. I've been my own shit many times in this business. When my dog Kota used to lick my son's face, I used to say, you go, he loves me. I'd say no, he misses the taste of his own shit. Yeah, those are the memories. That's the real cats in the cradle moment for your son right there, huh? Why do you like cats, seriously? Well, I like animals in general, and cats are... How do people buy your book, by the way? They can get it on Amazon. It's on paperback on Kindle, and very soon at Whole Foods, it'll be available. And also when I do my live shows, I merge the shit out of all of it. When we trace Puglia and I do our live, the Mads are back. Movie riffing show. We have a table set up in the lobby before and after the show, and we just sell all our stuff. I have another book, too, that I also sell. That book is called 25 Mystery Science Theatre Films that changed my life in no way whatsoever. So my merch table is my store, really. That's where I do most of my business. Outside shows, I just have a coffee can, and an empty guitar case. There's no guitar, but they can feel free to throw in any buttons. As long as you have some kind of merch to sell. What do you think of Amazon now putting all these mom-and-pop monopolies out of business? It's just an unfortunate aspect of the world we live in, of so many stores getting put out of business, and it's really a shame. Remember how we always used to be like, oh, Barnes & Noble borders. They're evil corporate. Go to the mom-and-pop bookstores, which is true, you should go to mom-and-pop. But now the mom-and-pop are the only ones that have survived. But now, don't you miss the days when there were Barnes & Nobles all over the city? When you see an empty border now, I'm always amazed by how they're all the size of a penitentiary. They really bit off more than they could possibly have. So I think, you know, and record stores and bookstores and all that stuff has just become a specialty thing now. And, you know, it hurts the culture of a city that you live in, you know, because like on the one hand, like everybody now can have an entire library of classic films on their phone or on their iPad or on their computer, but now there's no Bleecker Street Cinema anymore. There's no Talia Theater. There's no, you know, the Theater 80 that used to show movies. Those things were just a part... When I grew up in New York, those were such a part of New York culture. If you wanted to see a classic film, you went out and you saw a double bill at the Carnegie Hall Cinema or at the Bleecker Street Cinema or at the New Yorker on the Upper West Side. And now it's great that you can see these much easier now, but the presence of those things in a city, in a neighborhood, really enhanced the culture of the geography of the place. And that's... it's a shame that all of that has gone away. You used to be a boulevardier. A boulevardier. You were flannous. I remember you would put a flower in your lapel and you'd have a walking stick. I would. But that was because of my gout. And you would just walk the streets of Manhattan. Which I still do. I still am what you would call a boulevardier. A flannier. I still walk the streets. And then walking the streets of New York is still really great. But if you grew up in New York like I did, there's ghosts of things everywhere. Everywhere you go is a ghost of something that used to be that isn't there anymore. But it's now a pinkberry. Pinkberries are gone too. There's no pinkberry going out of business. Most of them have left. There's a couple of them. Because now you can eat yogurt digitally. It's delivered by drone right on your throat. Oh, I was saying it like me. You eat with your hands. The problem with New York is a lot of retail space now is empty. They can't afford the rents. Right. And the rents are exorbitant. So the city is becoming empty for us flannous and our boulevardiers. I put on my three-piece suit and put the flower in my lapel and went to the Paramus Mall to be a flannur and a boulevardier. They do have a rule about spouting verse at the Paramus Mall. They ask you kindly but the third time you have to leave. And those are becoming empty as well. Yeah. Is it all Jeff Bezos? Is it all Amazon? Not all him, but he's a big part of it. On one hand he's just a guy who started a business and it's successful. But Really? Are you that forgiving? Well, I'm not free, but I'm just like we can't stop change. We can't stop the world we live in is the world we live in. That doesn't sound like the Frank Conniff I know. We can't make it go back we can't take the internet away and make it go back to the way it was before. That sounds like the new Frank Conniff who's been on the road making money and part of the one percent. That's what I wish my agent would just take one percent. You don't think we should break up? I honestly believe Yeah, I kind of I think we should break up Jeff Bezos. I don't think he should be one corporation should be able to own and that's like been really devastating in the world of television and movies and news that one corporation used to be if you had a newspaper you couldn't have the TV station and the vice versa. Rupert Murdoch changed all that. He had special rules made for him so that he could buy the New York Post when he already and then so he could buy the local station. I think it was the Boston paper not the New York Post. Maybe, but he did buy the New York Post I remember that so yeah I don't think that's a good thing at all. I don't think networks should be owned studios and it was better before when the studio would try to sell their stuff to a network as opposed to being a production company that's part of the network. That's just about 20, 30 years ago that kind of deregulation became okay and the conservatives just want more of that. The reason I think in my new book I'm going to be writing about the Sherman Antitrust Body and Sherman Antitrust. Yes, where you go back in time. Client you. You buy up companies before anybody knows they're going to be successful and then you have a monopoly. The Sherman Antitrust laws were I believe, and this isn't the theory in my book came about because of Darwin because Darwin explains that in evolution things in motion stay in motion. It's Newtonian I have just confused everybody but nobody knows what the fuck I'm talking about right now including me. What I'm saying is there's a reason antitrust legislation started in the early 1900's because you understood evolution and what evolution teaches us is things in motion stay in motion. A powerful animal not stopped will devour everything. The T-Rex will eat everything. The human being will destroy everything unless you put impediments. That's the nature of evolution. So when you say Amazon will eventually stop by its own. No. Once this thing starts it's Newtonian. It just stays in motion and Jeff Bezos will gobble up It seems like that's his he will gobble up everything the only reason Microsoft didn't gobble up everything is because of the threat of antitrust violations. Google, thank God for the EU because they're going after Google they have to be broken up they have to be. I think Bezos mistake was posing in that giant mechanical Iron Man suit did you see when he did that at some conference he posed he was inside a giant mechanical exoskeleton moving around we don't really need to see you as a mad scientist superhero like that let's use our imagination and I think that was kind of terrifying to think oh that's a comic book guy actually taking over the world walking around inside a giant robot I'm going to be quiet Alex I promise don't tell me to be quiet he said don't don't tell me you're going to be quiet just be quiet this is my my theory that I'm working on for my book mm-hmm the reason we allow and then I promise but I want your reaction to this the reason we allow Amazon to be a monopoly and Google to be a monopoly is because they're American companies and it's the same reason we spend half a trillion dollars a year on defense because we say if we don't spend this money another country is going to come along we'll spend all this money on defense and we'll no longer be the most powerful and we've now transposed that to our economy where we say well we have to have Amazon be this bulldozer because some other country will create an Amazon and they'll get all the business we use other sins to justify new sins the sin of half a trillion dollars on defense now is used to justify allowing Google and Amazon and Apple to be monopolies because we have to protect the American economy even though these three companies don't pay any taxes I'm done thank you goodbye and also they employ relatively few people compared to how big their companies are but if we don't do it somebody else is going to do it the reason people are okay with Amazon is not because of what it does for the economy because it makes it easy to buy shit they are pretty amazing I have that Amazon Prime it's the closest you can get to thinking of something and then having it show up my friends make fun of me I get toilet paper from Amazon I tell them by the time I get myself to the store I actually do anything I could just click something and he shows up by the way and full disclosure the listeners of this show know that one of the ways to help me is by doing all your Amazon shopping via I'm an affiliate and it's a great way to help out the show I get a monthly check from Amazon I don't know who the people are who are shopping I don't know what they're buying but a little money comes in and also I'll say another thing about it is it's enabled a person like me to go into business for himself because I publish my books on create space on Amazon and it's just a really great way to get my stuff to the public you know well defend Amazon well I'll just defend it on that level but anything you're saying about how wrong it is for it to be so huge and to have its fingers into everything and to have a monopoly I'll agree with you know but they're making but I'll publish my books through create space and I'll watch movies on Amazon Prime and I'll buy every book I have I have a hundred books in my pocket at this moment in my iPhone that I buy off of that I get on Kindle on the Kindle for iPad so I'm supporting two corporations I'm supporting Amazon and I support Apple which is also evil I support them like crazy I have like three of their devices that I'm completely relying on is the answer I'm as a utility that provides infrastructure for entrepreneurs like you it can be you know there is positives to it but it is a dangerous thing though you know it's dangerous they will say it's creative destruction they'll say we're mowing down the mom and pop bookstores to free up the entrepreneurial spirit like Frank Conniff and the thing about it what it does for me too is because I'm able to take the initiative and put out my own stuff I'm not reliant on the gatekeepers of the entertainment industry to give me permission to have a body of work now I can go out and have a body of work just because I put in the work to do that I don't have to go through a bureaucracy like we all do in TV and with studios where there's a whole bunch of red tape if you have any kind of idea that you're trying to get out and if you're trying to entertain the public there's this whole bureaucracy you have to go through now I don't have to go through that bureaucracy I can just put the stuff out there and promote it on my own and see what happens that part's pretty great 70's and 60's that because they never got a record deal their canon doesn't exist you just can't find it anywhere there's a band I love called Sonic's Rondevou Band Fred Sonic from the MC5 and they pretty much released one single MC5 pump up the jams? kick out the jams, yeah you're thinking of Technotronic god damn you for knowing that but yeah so there was a great band like that and you have to hunt around big lakes and stuff whereas now everyone just records it themselves and puts it online and then it's out there how much of this is a myth I was watching an author a British author who says Google and Amazon and Apple are selling the myth of entrepreneurial endeavors when in fact they're just sucking up all the money well I'm sure they are just sucking up all the money so but I don't know if I may, you know my whole career has been based on self-delusion so I may be deluding myself to think that I have some control over my work but it feels that way to me but I'm also lucky because I have a following that I have an audience that I can market my stuff to so I have a leg up that way but it certainly seems to me like I'm taking things into my own hands and I'm expressing my I'm not talking about porn hub that's a whole other thing it's the most democratic place on the internet if I get you an Uber yeah I got like five minutes you can't stay for a little longer I gotta catch it at the train I love this guy he's leaving us I blame the weather are you catching the Amazon train to actually have a drone just drops me on the LIE I have to fend for myself in there the way I understand you Frank and you are a recipient of this new economy a beneficiary of this new economy in that when we first met you were a comics comic you were living in LA and then is it fair to say you took off on Twitter and Facebook I don't know if I ever took off I think just in the sense that other comedians have developed a following for their jokes I'm one of those people there are a lot of comedians with much bigger followings than I do than I have but your following is based purely on the jokes you write on Twitter yes I think I started with a base of nerds and mystery science theater fans and comedy nerds but I've built up my following which at this point is about 65,000 which compared to John Fugl sang a quarter of a million or Patton Oswald who has 3 million or whatever it seems a lot to me because I really literally built it up one joke at a time and it's great what I love about it is it just gives you an audience for jokes that you write and so when I go and do shows people when I go to do mystery science theater related shows people come up to me and they're fans of mystery science theater but then they also say I love your Twitter, I love your Facebook page and for a comedian who's trying to reach the public somehow that feels good especially since it's an opt-in there are people who get you there are people who understand what it is you're trying to do and then there's other people and they troll me every day who hate what I do but the people who like it are kind of the more positive you're an example of the cream rising to the top but does everybody do enjoy cream you're like is it fair that only the cream can survive I mean what if the cream rises to the top which is why Chris Christie bought a stepladder he's a large man is it fair in other words we nothing is fair life is not fair show business certainly is not fair so what happens to the people that can't move up in a meritocracy there are I think in any I only know about comedy but I think in any business there are people who don't move up for whatever reason and there are people who fall by the wayside and I think in terms of comedy it's all about just sticking with it and not giving up despite the many setbacks that I've felt over the years and the disappointments and the feeling of utter rejection that you go through in this business I had utter rejection my mother wouldn't breastfeed me I know that's the worst but I had utter rejection because they didn't find me attractive but I thought it was a animal house not breaking up seashells on their chests yes but I was telling someone the other day that I I think I finally sort of think of myself as a success only because I'm still doing it you know I'm I'm 60 now and I still am just kind of like I was when I was in my 20s where I just had all still like looking towards things coming up with ideas for things coming up with projects doing shows being a part of of which I've always wanted to be a part of and I'm still a part of it so that feels like I've achieved something just by the very fact that I'm still doing it the gatekeepers I was talking to a comedian who is on par with you guys unbelievably talent just and respect I'm not going to mention the name and he said well it's just a given that because of my age Hollywood isn't going to touch me yeah I agree with that I think that's true there's also all that watermelon smashing he does I think it's a little dated yes that's true what is this ageism about I don't know I think it's completely it's just a thing people have made up in their minds because you know you're like me you perform in New York comedy clubs and it's always a millennial audience it's always like a really young audience I don't feel ageism and once you get up there and once you say something that makes them laugh then they're like oh this guy's funny no one in the audience is going oh this guy has gray hair I'm not going to laugh at him unless I'm not making them laugh with my material you know and so once you're laughing it's there's no prejudice at all you're just once you think something's funny you're going to you're going to laugh and I've you know and and I've seen really blatant examples of people who should know better like saying really ageist stuff about comedians who get past their freshness date and you know and but what is the mistake people are age can make to create a jizm a jizm that's if they're lucky that's actually they're able to pull that off I don't know what you're talking about I'm talking about ageism I think it's people who have not even though they've gotten older but their act has stayed frozen I see a lot of comics like that who go up and it's almost like they've been in a coma they go out and they're doing Bill Clinton impressions and things like that so that's not ageism that is just that's just staleness that's like a band that never writes any new song that doesn't work for stand up because I have found that I can play the old guy on stage and get laughs by talking about what's going on right now and they're cool with that because an audience I'm the sick uncle that they know or the crazy father with the ankle bracelet on stage but people in the gatekeepers none of them are giving us a sitcom anytime soon because they can't control us well no because they look at us and they go that guy is old he's not going to appeal to 18 to 34 or whatever they think the prime demographic is and and they're not they're not giving a sitcom maybe you guys both just got sitcom deals but I'm just saying that in general in the business your age is a factor with the gatekeepers yeah I think I think there's an emphasis now on they're always looking for who's going to be the next big thing as opposed to who's the person who can deliver now why do they want the next big thing because they see you as an investment they can take credit for it and they can put in a little bit of money now that'll pay off a lot later where someone who's good now is just what's happening now and I don't mean the sequel to what's happening which would be awesome if they did a what's happening now now Joe DeVito your father was probably not part of the greatest generation no he was a little bit he was born in 46 I believe so he just your father my father born in 1914 and he served while he was a war correspondent in World War II and in Korea and in Vietnam let me read you the obit for a guy who died Jackson just died at the age of 90 he was given the recipient for WW2 Medal of Honor his one-man assault I can't pronounce this against the Japanese Jackson 19 was with the 1st Marine Division on the western Pacific during one of the most grueling battles in the struggle for Pellew his unit was ordered to clear the southern end of the island and he loaded himself up with grenades he stormed what they call the pill box that's where the and he was hit with automatic fire but he continued to throw white phosphorus grenades killing 35 Japanese injured he went on to kill another 200 saved the lives of 50 of his fellow soldiers and was given all the accolades that he deserved interesting here's someone who in about 3 minutes of their life accomplished more than I have I've only killed like about a dozen Japanese in my time and that was a she read I guess the message is when you look at life you just you have to kill Japanese where you can don't you have to it's very true well I hate to leave early but I'm motivated now to stab my dry cleaner absolutely I didn't have enough time with I know it wasn't enough I'm just come back Joe DeVito let's plug some gigs just go to Joe DeVito dot com I know I got coming up next month a week in San Antonio at the improv there and I always have Long Island stuff so I got my whole schedule there and you can Joe it's at Joe DeVito comedy on Twitter and Instagram great got all kinds of things going on thanks come back thank you I'm sorry we I'm sorry we didn't get to feed you next time thank you yes who I have my reading glasses on who's here who is this oh my god look who stopped oh I'm oh my god oh the cats are good talking about them hi hey how was everyone it's buckles I stole Alex's car for a few weeks so I was just returning and begrudgingly I'm so glad to see you know we did a show together with you right here is my pudding here I'm just please well the tables have turned I'm is this clock right or wrong are we in Chicago time oh really but how much time do we have okay thank you Alex hi let's talk about the greatest generation oh let's talk about what have we been talking about the greatest generation and I said to we had any letterman on the show okay do you know any no I know her and she was talking about her generation sexual appetite and I called my mother afterwards and started jacking off that's my mother you're talking about I don't jack off to my mother I have photographs that I Alan what am I doing here so so I said I would rather I said this to Annie Letterman on my show I would rather storm the beaches of Omaha Beach Normandy then have to try to figure out how to have sex with Annie Letterman really wow I have I understand d-day sure that I understand but a woman in her late 20s I would have no idea how to have sex with them well that sounds bad accurate anyway it's like riding a bike and that there's not a woman involved and that you would never be in that situation so that's fine I'd more likely be riding a bike hi hi Eliza Schlesinger is on my topic I'm not bringing this up because you're a woman look taxoplasmosis I see Republicans under 40 and Eliza Schlesinger women talking about their oo-hoo's Eliza Schlesinger tweeted out that women she could close her eyes walk into a comedy club and she could hear every comic talking about their pussies sure and she's gotten a lot of flack for saying that how dare she be a gatekeeper how dare she criticize women for talking about their pussies right I was hoping to make a ruling I didn't know you were here but I had Joe DeVito here and we were going to rule as to whether or not female comics should or should not talk about their pussy on stage you've kind of thrown me for a loop here by being here I think that's a very simple answer to that I think anyone or a woman if they're going to talk about whatever if they have something funny to say about it if there's a good punchline or a good observation or a funny even just a dirty funny thing that's just silly and dirty then why not as long as the comedy is there why wouldn't you talk about it if you had a funny thing to say about it maybe your dad is in the audience the stench would be a little strong because my dad's been dead for 40 years but that's like any I mean so many comics work blue and in fact a lot of the comics that get HBO specials work blue so that's a whole separate issue of like should you work blue because your dad might because someone's dad or someone who's prudish about it will be in the audience that's an issue that applies to any comedian but the issue of if you're a woman should you specifically talk about your vagina yes if you have a funny bit about it of course you should buckles just start talking we got this buckles please go fuck yourself anyways I don't know I think that if it's funny then yeah go ahead I don't think you should or shouldn't do anything I have some Jew jokes that are funny sure yeah that doesn't mean I should be telling them on stage you do tell them on stage but I shouldn't be I have racist jokes that are funny I have jokes about I have a joke about going as a Jew going to a whorehouse and strangling a hooker and saying stop me when I get to $300 I know that's funny it doesn't belong on stage yeah I mean that's the thing but why would a pussy joke be offensive you know I mean maybe a joke about Jews or a joke about black people it's about their ethnicity and people to be offended by it what is offensive about talking about a pussy there's nothing offensive about it maybe we should you know because we have Liz Winstead and Greg Proups on the show in the past couple of weeks talking about a woman's right to choose I have a feeling that the more women talk about their pussies the same way men talk about their dicks which they have been every day since I started doing comedy and way before then I started in the 80s comedy boom and heard nothing but dick jokes a parade of nonstop dick jokes throughout all my years of doing comedy so that's been happening for a long long time and I think if women talk about their pussy and Johnny Carson did dick jokes there was innuendo in them but he did stuff like that so I think if women can do jokes about their pussies I mean this and this is I'm coming around to this so this is good news for women because Frank and I are about to issue a ruling as to whether don't crowd me in with you like I'm on your team I decide whether or not women can joke about their pussies or not it's up to me to decide and I'm I have an expert it's not up to me I just offered it it's up to me and we have an expert witness here buckles you've seen a pussy I've seen a pussy yes okay so I'm gonna issue a ruling I got my robes on great I'm beginning to believe that if more and more women talk incessantly about their pussy we will eventually stop closing abortion clinics is that a fair statement fairly broad yes it's broad but I what I would agree with is if we can ever get to the point where people are not hung up about sex we're just talking about it in any context it's just something you talk about because it's a part of life that would be a very healthy thing and on the radio show that I do with John Fugels saying we have people come on who talk about the harm that porn has done to people and that the harm porn has done to younger people because it's all they've learned about sex is just from watching porn and what I mentioned snuff videos yeah well that's that's all I learned about it but but I always make up the point that whatever however bad porn is for for young kids growing up watching it and learning about sex it's not nearly as bad as learning about sex from religion which is what my generation and the generations previously learned learned about it from people who the basis of their entire religion was that was that their Messiah was was born was a virgin birth that's who we learned about sex from you know immaculate concept yes immaculate concept we learned about sex from people who knew nothing about it and were afraid of it and lived in in mortal fear of it and so as harmful as porn can be I think that's actually a step forward that people that that that it leads to a little bit more openness about sex than just the religious repression that we all grew up under now I don't even understand virgin birth because I'm Jewish but I thought well if it's a virgin I thought when my wife went into labor I dropped my pants whipped at my dick and try to have sex with her because I didn't want her to have a virgin birth that makes that makes no sense but the term virgin birth I thought you're supposed to have sex so it's not a virgin birth right if you haven't had sex and you give birth immaculate oh I see I thought I see so asking somebody to blow you while she's giving birth as you considered of poor taste that would be that that's the one that has nothing to do with the virgin birth not that I know of but like I said I grew up learning about it all from religion so I don't know anything let's get back to talking about pussy I thought I was do you think a mother this is just I'm throwing this out there if my mother comes and sees me talking about my dick you're talking about a woman who's who I put an ear horn in her ass so she could fart louder this is the woman you are making yes it is that's a reference to a joke Alex came up with that I sneaked you gave me that joke you said do a joke about your mother being hard of hearing Alex you're scruffy and I had to put an ear horn in her ass so she could hear her own farts that's actually funny I fixed it I fixed your joke there's no time for editing the problem was she complained about how loud I was chewing do you think a mother going to see her son telling dick jokes is more comfortable than a father going to see his daughter talking about her pussy I'm going to just make a sweeping generalization I'm going to say a father is more likely to be uncomfortable watching his daughter talk about her pussy than a mother is talking about her son's dick that might be true but you know what that shouldn't even be an issue because if you have a certain kind of act and your parents are a certain kind of way the whole thing is tell them mom dad don't come to see my show because you're going to be upset don't come to see my show I feel like parents are very just open about at least my generation you don't run into many parents that are really uptight about that kind of thing that's probably the current generation because my parents generation is uptight about everything my mother wouldn't even let me masturbate at the table terrible kind of repressive household but it was very Victorian what are your thoughts I mean I just think that we I don't care so anything I'm good alright Alex can I get out what are your thoughts no I just think that my generations a lot of our parents don't they don't care they support that kind of a thing even if it did make them uncomfortable they would feign supporting and that's a good attitude about it but I was talking to Greg Proups about white men who are poor and they are told to check their white privilege even though they're convinced they have no white privilege I'm leading to Pussy can you understand how a white man doesn't understand their own privilege how he should check his own privilege if he's broke living out of his car why should he have sympathy for anybody other than himself can you understand that I can definitely understand that I feel like just being a white male it's just your life is just naturally easier but if you're a white man who is all the jobs have disappeared he's broke he's about to lose his house can you understand why he's a blind eye to the plight of everybody other than himself I think anybody would be I guess I could see where they're coming from but not really because he has a way out I think with a lot of white people who voted for Trump who are in economic distress and that might be why they voted for Trump but there's a sense with them that their problems it's more important that they're having their problems the fact that they're hurting financially is a much bigger deal than the fact that other people are hurting financially because they're white men they're not supposed to be hurting financially and also the media the New York Times every week they do an article where they go to a rural town to talk to white voters who still support Trump because their white their opinion on things is looked at is more important than anybody else's and so they get more attention and it's considered a bigger deal to a lot of people the fact that these white men are in distress I'm talking about moving the ball forward politically and socially Obama is of the mind that you have to understand the people who are sometimes oppressing you and understand how a certain generation of men and women would be uncomfortable hearing a comic talking about her pussy on stage I can understand why somebody might be uncomfortable about it but if it makes you uncomfortable then leave yeah don't go to the show you have a host of entertainment options available to you thanks to our friend Jeff Bezos that we were just talking about you can stay home and watch Amazon you can watch The Bells of St. Mary on Amazon Prime you know you don't have to go to a comedy club and hear dick and vagina jokes if that's not what you're into most the majority it seems to me of people who go to comedy clubs they've grown up watching HBO specials they've grown up watching Comedy Central watching South Park or whatever they watching Chris Rock they go to a club expecting this kind of thing they have no problem with it that's the comedy club audience so if one or two people who are parents or whatever are uptight with it and there always are those people in every comedy show there's always a couple people who don't know what they've gotten themselves in for and they get up and walk out but an entertainer has the right to gear his material towards his towards an audience that wants to be entertained you shouldn't have to think about those people that are uptight about it can you understand let me have buckles answer this I did answer that one but let me ask you this question let me ask you this question what let me ask you this question oh my god uh-huh can you understand how some people fear that vulgarians are informing the entire conversation did you like Trump well yes that when people say whatever they want to say with no filter they talk about their pussy their dick their bow movements you know everything that I do on the show that informs what goes on in a classroom what goes on at the dinner table and that it's the end of civilization that civil discourse breaks down when you have superstars making millions of dollars talking about their cock their pussy and their bow movements right can you understand why some people might say let's keep these things this taboo and fight it so we'll force people to talk about more important things or maybe talking about the uterus and your vagina is important is it important to talk about the vagina I think so I think especially now that there's that we're actually getting threatened to get some of our rights taken away that we might not have access to abortion clinics or not and not even abortion clinics but the fact that we might not I mean if Planned Parenthood goes away I have no idea how I'm going to go able to afford you know Mike Pence is probably the epitome of a person who thinks our culture has gone to hell and that there's the lack of civility and that people are talking about taboo subjects that would be much better off without but Mike Pence is Donald Trump's vice president and supports any number of things that I consider to be vulgar and offensive and that and that so it's like who gets to decide that I was actually I actually had a discussion with a group of people like a couple weeks ago I was brought to my attention that recently in like grade schools middle schools and high schools they're now telling girls that they're not allowed to wear yoga pants to school because they're like too tight and form fitting but they're like workout pants and so and they're saying that they can't wear these pants to school anymore because it's too distracting for the boys. Is this a public school or a private school? Public school. Which I thought in my opinion and I disagree with everyone at the table in my opinion it's like why are we teaching the girls that their bodies are these like sexual there are sexual things and they're meant to be hidden so that we don't distract you know beavis and butthead and they're fucking you know on the football team like heaven forbid we distract those boys from getting good grades but heaven forbid we don't teach those kids that that's the these girls are just wearing workout clothes and they need to focus on their work. Do you this is very interesting to me because I had conversations about what some of my daughters wore of course it didn't matter what I thought can you understand still the same can you understand how a father I agree with everything you're saying I'm just asking you you know can you understand how a father might not want his daughter to dress a certain way and is that wrong that the father says you know maybe you should wear this blanket. It's a fully you know you have a right that that's your purview that's your right as someone who's bringing up a kid who isn't an adult yet to impose your beliefs on them that that's your right I think it's a different thing with a school with something like yoga pants which is so they're just making it dirty they're sexualizing it yeah but I mean is it possible I'm just asking Oh for like the parents to be is it do you think it's fair for a for somebody to say to a young girl you're showing too much skin I mean in some context I guess I guess yes for like really little girl like especially like there's a bunch of stuff now like snapchat and musically and all these different things and some of these girls are like 8 and 12 and they look like they're 17 they wear so much makeup they wear no clothes. Do you have a right as a parent as a parent as a public no it's none of my business as a politician if I'm running for office okay I'm running for office absolutely not well let me tell you what I would say and I believe this okay and this is what I said you have choices in your life on how you want to be seen do you want to be respected for your brain or your body do you want to draw attention to your body or to your brain and that goes for men and women right but why is it that when a girl gets dressed up or that like when I it's a double standard I agree but I'm just saying like why like it's the same thing happens to me like sometimes I just like I just want to wear a skirt because I because it's hot outside and I feel good in the skirt but then automatically it's like oh somebody wanted to get their legs seen today it's like no I wore a fucking skirt because I'm hot okay can you under let me ask let me I wear short pants every day in the summer and I always look at your legs they're pretty sweet but it's but if a woman it wants to wear shorts and it's hot out and as a man if her legs are nice men are going to look at it but that it's really up to the men they can look at it fine but to not be all salacious about it absolutely and a woman and an intelligent woman who's attractive shouldn't have to think oh well I'm I want to be known for my brain so I'm going to wear baggy long pants because otherwise people won't respect me from I mean that's bullshit okay okay hang on for one second I agree with everything you're saying I'm just an old man younger than I am are men rapists are men are people are rapists are men rapists sure when you put men in prison with other men do they rape each other yes do women rape men yes but it's not as prevalent as men raping women no but it certainly doesn't not happen it's an anomaly yeah right men are rapists correct not all men that's a sweeping generalization Alex men are rapists men are rapists women for all intents and purposes are not is that a fair statement we'll be back in a minute with more of the Andrea Dworkin show she believed intercourse was rape just whatever you know and 20 years ago I would have said it's not but now I'm enlightened no I mean yeah okay if men are rapists which they are do men murder women out of jealousy do men murder women out of jealousy yes are men dangerous it's been known to happen but are men more are men more dangerous than women no I think so physically physically yes physically yes physically so when you're walking down the street and you see a woman do you feel threatened no when you see a man is there a possible threat I mean the context really depends but yeah if it's the street in the middle of the night and I see a guy I will feel more threatened right so men are more dangerous than women in every way that's a fact I feel like you're like backing me into this weird corner yeah I don't know where I'm going appropriately enough who knows more about men being dangerous than men aren't men entitled to be a little concerned about men around women especially older men can you understand sure I can I okay listen I can see what you're saying but why are we teaching the second we tell that little girl to change her pants at school we are informing that little boy that women around him need to change to make him feel like he doesn't have to fuck something that's insane it's not an either or you conceivably can do both but I'm just saying you're immediately teaching the little girl that she's a sexualized object and you're teaching the little boys that that's okay and that by her wearing something different she's like coming on to him I agree with you on that I'm just saying it's a little there is okay what is oh my god this is this is important so can you understand how Eliza Schlesinger maybe is saying if you're gonna talk about your pussy talk about abortion talk about I mean are but yeah but you know my disagreeing with that is if if you have a and I said this before if you have a really silly joke about your pussy that's just silly and funny go ahead and fucking do it I mean not every joke even if it's about why should women have this burden or women comedians have this burden put on them that like oh if you're gonna talk about your vagina make sure that it's a point about abortion or about women's control over their own bodies I mean and even if you do even if you make it a point about abortion if you're a comedian make sure it's really funny and also if you have a really funny thing to say about your pussy that's just that's just goofy and go ahead and say it your job is to make people laugh and if you think it's something funny then go then go ahead and do it just because people are laughing at something doesn't mean they're right to be laughing at it we have standards I don't I just my whole thing and I do but you know what I worked with Andrew Dice Clay in the 1980s before he was a star and there were parts of his there were parts of his act even then that was really funny no well jingoistic and disturbing but there were other parts of his act that were cartoonish and hilarious I thought at the time he made me laugh okay and do you approve of his jingoism no I don't but that's his decision to do that I don't it's not something dangerous it can be yes it can be dangerous and I think that when he became a gigantic star he represented something very disturbing but what I was about to see about my act I mean I do political jokes I do jokes about all kinds of things but my goal regardless of what I'm talking about is I do you want to make people spit their drinks through their nose I don't care I care about that I'm making some kind of higher point about anything I just want to make people laugh okay but you ever wonder why people are laughing at something I mean it's worth wondering about sometimes but I don't if I'm laughing at something I don't wonder about sometimes I know that stuff that makes me laugh it might be appealing to not necessarily the the the higher angels of my nature but I fucking love laughing and I love it when people say something and I love it when I make people laugh can it be wrong to be laughing at something no yes I don't think so absolutely I think that there's have you ever been laughed at I've heard you know girl doing comedy doing comedy in the 80s in the comedy boom and on one nighters I heard stuff that people laughed at that was reprehensible to me that people were laughing at it and and comics wrong comics who got big laughs who were horrible who were hacky and who had a really and and and in the 80s and it's in the mainstream comedy clubs the one nighters that I worked misogyny homophobia you know was was just rampant in comedians also the first 20 minutes of the Sam Kinnison was out was was extremely misogynistic extremely homophobic exact I guess later on he might have grown a little bit right but that stuff did disturb me and for my personal choice I didn't laugh at it I didn't think it was funny right I don't revere Sam Kinnison the way other people I agree with because of that whereas Andrew Dice Clay was an act well at parts that the thing is is parts of Andrew Dice's clays act were like what Dennis Miller said about it Fonzie with Tourette's it was like this cartoonish character who was like like an over-the-top sexist but in parts of his act it was cartoonist and it had irony to it it was it was if he was making fun of that kind of character whereas Kinnison meant it yes whereas Kinnison seemed to mean it yeah so so there is stuff that other people laugh at and that other people do is comedy that yeah I find it's horrible but that's a personal choice that people make but my goal as a comedian is to is I just want to make people laugh like crazy and people there are people who object to what I do there are people who are mystery science theater fans who don't like that I do political comedy who think that it's a wrong direction for me and I'm just okay with them thinking that way I'm going to do what I'm going to do either way do you think Ann Coulter poisons minds her own mind is poised I don't know the problem isn't Ann Coulter as much as the people who give her a form the people who normalize her the people like Chris Matthews who put her on their show the people like the today's show they put her on and it's like well now let's hear Ann Coulter's point of view you don't agree with everything she says and she sure is outrageous but let's hear what her point of view is let's go ahead and hear what she has to say anyways yeah it completely normalizes hate speech and in our culture in a democracy you're allowed to normalize hate speech they have every right to do it I just I don't agree with it after the shooting Wednesday the last week Bill Crystal was on MSNBC and I tweeted out MSNBC stop putting Bill Crystal on MSNBC yes because I think he poisons minds I think he's a war criminal yeah do I have a right to criticize his speech yes of course and discuss his speech yeah okay and they have the right to put him on but my thing that I'm always ranting about about the people who who run MSNBC and the people who run CNN is that they're very they're not patriots they don't care about their country they just care about putting these people on that are going to be provocative and these are the people who are really demeaning our culture these are the people it's not the comedians or any of the artists who are demeaning our culture it's the people in the board rooms who are normalizing people like Donald Trump okay and and Bill Crystal and you you it and all of these and Alex Jones and all these crazy I don't want Alex who have who have a right to say whatever they want but you don't have to they have an audience for what they do you don't have to put them on him so NBC is wrong for giving Megan Kelly who has a history they're wrong for hiring Megan Kelly in the first place they're wrong for giving her $17 million they're wrong for giving her a show and they're wrong for letting her have put Alex Jones on a show they're wrong all the way down the line so why then but they have a right to do it they have a right to do it but we need we have a right to speak up to speak up against does allies the Schlesinger not only have a right but a responsibility to say I close my eyes in any comedy club and hear the same jokes about a woman's pussy in other words she doesn't have a right to say no I strongly feel that like yeah political commentators crazy people whatever you have every right to say like you shouldn't be saying this and everyone can say whatever they want about anybody's but my I think that when you start telling comedians what to say I think that is dangerous she just has an opinion about she's expressing an opinion but I'm just saying that when you start trying to regulate what comedians are saying when people start saying oh I don't feel like I don't feel like what they said was in good taste and then people start saying the comedians shouldn't be saying a certain thing I think that is very dangerous as it is what about my saying I don't believe that Bill Crystal should be allowed on MSNBC I think that's different why because it's political it's politics I feel like that that's different when you're going on like and no I mean like Louis C. K. isn't going on like a political platform and saying something he's in a comedy space and I feel like comedy and like those comedy clubs those are sacred that you that they should be able to say whatever you want to say yes I do I feel like if you start telling comedians what to say not to say we are the frogs of this environment if you kill the frogs the environment will die okay this is an open forum for people to say what people are actually feeling and it's okay to laugh but don't I have a right doesn't Eliza have a right to suggest she's right to suggest she doesn't have a right to say she's not calling for government censorship she's saying to women is it wrong to say let me as a Jew as a Jew because we self police the Jew self police they do I've said this a million times on the show you will not see a Jew up on stage reinforcing stereotypes that are dangerous that feed into the holocaust we self police is self policing or is it wrong for a woman to say hey you know talk about your vaginas but it's important because I didn't I'm only hearing about this the first time for you I didn't follow the whole thing I guess it was on Twitter with with Eliza I think what Eliza is saying because I what might be the reaction to it is that maybe women comedians just they feel under siege anyway and and it might be upsetting to them that another woman is it is coming after them when we live in an environment now with Donald Trump as president and with you know with with Bill Cosby getting a mistrial all the stuff that that like women feel really under siege today and and so it might be just that they were upset that another female was was was was was adding fuel to the fire but but but not knowing anything about it I would say and feel free I feel she has she has every right like anyone to say on Twitter whatever whatever their opinion is right it's like the n-word yes people we're just going well because after Michael Richards a couple of African-Americans swore off the n-word they said you know what we shouldn't say it do African-American Paul Mooney said that said I'm done with the n-word and also there's some say they weren't going to watch Fridays anymore even I barely Michael Richards was on Fridays yes I have to annotate my show that was in 80s do African-American comedians have the right to issue edicts saying no more n-word I don't think so I don't feel like I have the right position to comment on that Paul Mooney as an elder statesman have the right to say you know what we should lay off the n-word he's not going to say it anymore and I think is Ice Cube said on Bill Maher that it's our word we can say it you sorry white people you can't have it do you think African-Americans are conflicted about the use of the n-word I'm not in a I don't know yes they are I speak for all African-Americans Alex is losing it okay I think all African-Americans we're going to wrap it up I think all African-Americans are conflicted about the use of the n-word and I think women are conflicted I don't think all women are on the same page when it comes to pussy jokes no but I don't think all men are on the same page about dick jokes I think we are I don't think so I think we go I think that's a sweeping generalization that's what I traffic in on this show all I'm saying is if a Nazi and I'm wrapping up this is my closing hang on for one second if a Nazi is closing comment if a Nazi rounds you up and takes you and your family Jewish family to a concentration camp and removes your clothes and your hair and the train is going at 35 miles an hour how many you know and you're being put in the oven try to understand his point of view that's all I'm saying that's how I was raised alright folks try not to go take a shower when as you're being put into an oven by a Nazi I think anyone listening to this show would agree this must never happen again that's that's how I was raised try to understand the other side Frank let's plug some gigs I have I'll be in July go to themancerback.com and the Mancerback Facebook page to find out about all our traceable you and I are upcoming gigs why don't we do this before we go tell everybody what you're doing and how they reach you very quick not quickly just you'll get the last word go to my Twitter Frank Conniff Facebook Frank Conniff and you'll find out about all my gigs including Columbus, Ohio and Denver, Colorado in July and buckles I'm working on search party right now it's a show that airs on TBS it should be airing sometime in October so keep your eye out for that yes the season 2 we're shooting season 2 right now and then I have a show with Lacey Jekka we're fighting and that will be at the Knitting Factory on September 2nd and how's Colin's show coming along it's good Alex just saw it what two weeks ago Alex yeah it's good Colin Firth one of the funniest actors I'm gonna kill myself goodnight welcome back to this channel for more information go to davidfeldmanshow.com thank you for listening the David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you you sad pathetic humps