 Citizen Kane, Jaws, The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, X-Men Origins, Wolverine, and Suicide Squad, all timeless classic works of art. Now some may say that Origins and Suicide Squad are the bloody stool of modern cinema. Not the people that voted in this comic book movie bracket featuring almost 100 contenders. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, quite the contrary. These fuckers managed to make it to the top of the list. And today, we argue not which one of these two is the best comic book movie of all time, but the best movie of all time, period. Here we go on movie feuds, 100% sarcastic when talking about these two abortions. I do understand there are people that do in fact enjoy these films, so for their benefit, we are bringing back the rose-colored glasses feature of movie feuds. When you see that icon, everything that I'm saying which I assure you is being condescending and sarcastic, you're gonna take serious. Let's go ahead and begin with Will I Am. Now, Will I Am is by no stretch the first musician to transfer to acting, but you would've thought he started here, he does it so well. Not even the masterful performance by Rihanna in Battleship or the brilliant character arc from Taylor Swift in Valentine's Day can match him. Remember, this is sarcasm, but the glasses make it seem like I'm praising it, right? Hugh Jackman as the title character, Wolverine has always been amazing in the role, which is why I'm glad Fox and friends found a way to make him stupid and silly. By turning him into an action cartoon character, the movie has allowed plenty of room to play with cliches, like yelling up at the sky multiple times and walking in slow motion away from things blowing up. Ryan Reynolds gets all the praise for his interpretation of Deadpool in the standalone film, but let's not forget his roots. The highly controversial decision to sew the merc with the mouth's yapper clothes is big league stuff. It takes balls to ruin an iconic character on such a monumentally high level, but the writers went there. And I expect nothing less from Skip Woods, one of the hackiest writers in Hollywood. If I could knock anything in Origins and believe me, it would be hard, it would be Sabertooth. Liv Shriver's performance was jarringly out of place because it was well acted and interesting. Two things I don't want in my films. Thankfully, Suicide Squad doesn't have that problem. Instead, it doubles down on the one dimensional shtick. I like how Harley Quinn subtly switches accents, much like Halle Berry's terrific performance in Storm in the first X-Men. It keeps you on your toes every time she speaks. Is she gonna talk like a schoolgirl or someone from Boston? You don't know. Not even Margot Robbie knows, and that's what makes it a treasure. Killer Croc is fantastic. Will Smith as Deadshot was super believable as a bad guy. I got chills whenever he entered a frame of the film. Rick Flag was drier than sand, which typically I hate because it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere, but I like sand here a lot. Amanda Waller is a no-nonsense woman. She throws people in holes and throws away those holes. I like when she shot up a room full of people that worked directly for her because it just made sense to. Katana's so B.A. and hot A.F. How cool was it when Batman was in the picture? It was so cool. I was like, what? Is that Batman? Oh, fuck me, I almost forgot about the Joker. By far the best iteration of the crazy clown. I like movies to be really dumbed down because I'm really dumb, so seeing his character traits tattooed all over his body tells me exactly what I should expect from him. The Enchantress, oh man, where do I even begin? First off, hot A.F. and perhaps the best villain in any movie I've ever seen in my life. But as great as all of these performances are and for real life, they really are great, it comes down to story at the end of the day. And I think we know that these both have pretty good stories. Holy shit, it's gonna be hard to start casting my way through this whole thing. Is this the real life? X-Men Origins Wolverine is an action movie. It's an adventure movie. It's got love. It's got heart and it's got life lessons. And most of all, it has bone claws, which are really awesome and translate well onto the big screen. The film starts with a lot of potential, showcasing Logan and Victor Creed fighting in various wars and going through generations of life. I was worried the movie was gonna try and be really unique and inspiring. Thankfully, those fears were crushed into pieces when the montage ended and we were left with a generic action movie with really dumb moments. Because I don't want that. I just wanna be able to turn my brain off and have fun because that's what movies should be, fun. They shouldn't have any substance or real meaning or purpose behind them. I like Transformers. I like Adam Sandler films. Logan is at one point hunted by his old mercenary pals. Gambit shows up for reasons and the film caps off with an intense fight that causes the Three Mile Island meltdown. Also, Wolverine gets shot with an adamantium bullet that erases his mind. I see no flaws with that. Speaking of suicide, I love the squad. The way the story carelessly avoids any sort of plot outline or central character keeps your mind moving fast. I'm really bummed out because I had my own version of the Suicide Squad script that I wrote years earlier, but I never got to finish it because my crans broke and my mom wouldn't buy me new ones. It's tough being eight. The movie is sometimes told via narration by tough as nails director of something, Amanda Waller. She hatches a plan to bring together a squad, if you will, of some of the most deplorable self-centered assholes the world has ever seen. They have crazy good skills like boomerang throwing, sword slashing, rope climbing, bat swinging, shooting guns well, and being a crocodile person. See, these traits come in handy if Superman ever went evil and broke into the White House, slaughtering everybody on the spot. How could he possibly compete with their characteristics? What's he gonna do? Melt their brains with his laser vision, freeze them to death with his ice breath, punch through each of their faces with super strength, or pick up a bus and crush them to death. These are all silly options, nonsensical plot point elements that we can overlook, and thankfully Amanda Waller did. A lot of this shit happens in this film. Helicopters crash because that looks really sweet in a movie trailer. Black blob creatures get shot up in some sort of a heroic last stand sequence that takes place in the middle of the movie. The Joker shows up for four or five minutes to do pointless things like harass a henchman for no reason. I could go on, but the movie really needs to be watched to be fully appreciated. There's nothing wrong with anything in it. This is really tough for me because Origins has so many memorable moments and they're all really good. The helicopter versus motorcycle fight is some of the best use of green screen I've ever seen in my life ever. It's like you are living it with him. Some will argue that his claws look fake, but I find incomplete CG refreshing. It's quaint and it reminds me of a simpler time when technology was bad. The costumes and makeup are award worthy, much like Suicide Squad. That part's not a joke. Suicide Squad was in fact up for some awards. Good to know designer talent isn't being squandered on lesser films. Deadpool was fun and all with its throwback music, but I left saying there just wasn't enough. I wish instead of four or five throwback songs we could have had like 45 all within seven minutes. Then boom, Suicide Squad nails it. Sometimes when I'm at the theater and a really cool part in a movie happens, I get sad because I can't rewind the film when I'm there and rewatch that part again. Suicide Squad gets me and that's why they show Diablo's awesome fire effects like three times via the security footage in the prison. Wow, it was really good. My only gripe is that the whole movie doesn't replay itself as soon as the credits are done. Let's conclude. I've had enough. Ha ha ha! Fans of these movies, please remove your rose-colored glasses now. It's adult talking time. If you like these films, that's perfectly acceptable. We all have opinions and tastes. Yours are just terrible. I like some pretty shittastic movies too, but I own it. So don't go out of your way preaching that these films are high and mighty, cause they're not. They have both also been beaten into the ground constantly by other critics and frankly, the only reason I went here is because I was trolled by my own community when they voted these up in the comic bracket. They had to know I would retaliate. So vote for the worst of the worst as Waller would say via the YouTube polls on the video here. And the next episode will be the final versus round of the comic book movie bracket determining once and for all the greatest comic book movie of all time so far. The Dark Knight, Spider-Man 2, Iron Man and Captain America Civil War. Go head to head to head to head. You vote, comment, subscribe to Feud Nation, and remember, this is more than just reviews, this is movie feuds. And after those votes come in, we'll wait a week. And then I will tally them up and I can move on with my life finally. To see the sun again, what a dream.