 I know it's like really cliche when YouTubers say this, but I've wanted to record this video like a hundred times and I've just been so nervous that I haven't recorded it. This is probably my biggest secret and it actually might lose me some subscribers. That's one of the reasons I haven't made this video yet, but this is actually something that my girlfriend doesn't even know about me and we're about to move in together and I actually do this every single day. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. If you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and mental illness and it's also about addiction and recovery and all that kind of stuff that goes on up here. If you're into that kind of stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. This video is going to be a little bit of a story time and if you're new to my channel, I'm not usually this dramatic, but this is a really, really weird subject and I'm not sure how you guys are going to take it, but I think it might help some people. It might make people look at me differently, whatever, but I'll quit talking all vague and let's jump into the story. So for those of you who don't know me, I have been clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for a little over six years now. I got sober on my 27th birthday back in 2012, so I just celebrated six years. So one of the issues that I had with getting clean was I always wanted to do things my way. You know what I mean? And I was introduced to like 12-step meetings and I'm like, no, absolutely not. The first 12-step meeting I went to was inside a church and I'm like, oh, y'all aren't going to shove that Jesus stuff down my throat and you walk into the room and then people like they open up with a prayer, then you look at the 12 steps on the wall and it says God everywhere. And that made me really uncomfortable. I have always had issues with organized religion and the whole God thing and just all sorts of stuff. Anything that you can imagine that most, I don't know, liberal millennials deal with when it comes to atheism or agnosticism, right? So my resistance to the program, a lot of it came from my upbringing here in Las Vegas. For those of you who don't know about Las Vegas, even though this is like Sin City, Las Vegas has a ton, a ton of Mormons. So my best friend growing up was Mormon. A lot of my friends in high school were Mormon. My girlfriend, the first love of my life was Mormon and I wasn't a huge fan of the Mormon religion. And just to show you how our brains work, like, if any of you know anything about Mormons, like what do you automatically think of, right? Missionaries riding around on bicycles talking about, you know, the Book of Mormon. So when I came into AA, I literally thought that they were going to have me like going around knocking on doors and being like, hi, have you heard about the good word of Alcoholics Anonymous? Right? I thought that's what this was. So I just shut down and I didn't want to be a part of it. And I ended up relapsing. Next time I tried to get clean, I relapsed because I didn't want to go into a 12-step program. But six years ago, I was on my deathbed. I had a 10% chance of living. So basically they said, here's AA, here's NA, hopefully one of these two things works for you or you're probably going to die. And I'm like, sweet, not really. I was just like, okay, I had something what they call the gift of desperation where I was at such a rock bottom that I'm like, whatever, I will do whatever it takes to turn my life around. And one of the first meetings I went to, I think the first week I was sober, was in a 12-step program called Celebrate Recovery. I was just kind of tasting everything and seeing what it was all about. And Celebrate Recovery, for those of you who don't know, is a Christian-based 12-step programs. And to this day, that's the last time I've gone to a church. Nothing against religion. And I hope throughout this video, you understand that I don't have qualms with religion. I'm not a huge fan of organized religion, but it's more the people rather than the principles of it, if you will. A great book for any of you out there, a great book, and we'll link it in the description, it's called Religion for Atheists, okay? By Alan de Baton. He's actually the guy who started the YouTube channel, The School of Life. Amazing book, Religion for Atheists, amazing book. Basically what it does is it basically pulls all the good stuff from religion and talks about it from an atheist point of view. Now, am I an atheist? Well, as I start going to 12-step programs and I embrace the 12-step program of AA, there's a chapter in here called We Agnostics. So what I learned was that I was an agnostic, okay? For those of you who don't know, the way it was explained to me in agnostic is somebody who's on the fence. Is there or isn't there, okay? And the way I look at it is, I'm a man of science, right? I enjoy proof. I enjoy facts and all that kind of stuff. And as much as I love science, there's still things that can't be explained. So as egotistical, as I can be, I am not somebody who will say, I am 1,000% sure that there is no God. And I'm also not somebody who would say, I'm 1,000% sure that there is a God. I lie in the middle, right? And I'm like, oh, okay. And this program had a lot of agnostics. So something that made me so uncomfortable was the prayer, okay? If you've ever been to a 12-step meeting, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, basically, they open every single meeting with a prayer. They end with a prayer. And we gather around, we hold hands. Some places, you put your arms around each other to make sure you don't get each other's germs and stuff. And it made me so uncomfortable. And people have these prayers memorized, and I'm like, oh my God, this is so ridiculous, right? And I would just kind of stand there and like, this is like, move my lips because I didn't want anybody to judge me like, whoa, this guy does another prayer. And it made me so, so, so uncomfortable, okay? But this program was about spirituality and finding your own version of a higher power and all this other stuff. And I've made some videos on this that I'll link up in the description because I don't want this video to be like an hour long. But anyways, I had to find my own version of a higher power. So if any of you have been in a 12-step program, the way I explained it is like, when you get a sponsor, when you first get a sponsor, before you actually start working on the steps, the sponsor is basically there for someone, for you to just whine and complain to. You call them up and you complain about all your problems. That's what you're doing. You're all problems, no solution, okay? And that's what I was doing. I was calling this guy with all my problems. So I'd call this dude up. I would call this dude up and I would just unload on him all my problems and he would wait. And the first thing he would say is, did you pray about it? And I would get live in. I'm like, no dude, I didn't pray about it. I don't have a higher power. You're my higher power. You pick up the phone when I call you. I would get so angry and go on this ramp. I'm like, when I call, you pick up. When I text, you reply back. I'm like, God doesn't do that. I'm like, whatever God that you want me to believe in, like, that ain't there. He doesn't call me, text me, email me, nothing, all right? And he kept doing this. Every single time I called him, like I had to call him every day and I had so many problems that every single day when I called him, it was about problems. Every single time he would say, did you pray about it? So there eventually came a point, right? Where I remember just being furious about something, something with my friends or family. And I go and I start to like look up this number and then I hear a stupid voice in my head. And it's like, did you pray about it? And I'm just like, ugh, and I get mad. So before I hit dial, I would sit there and be like, God, what do you want me to do in this situation? Then I'd call him up and I would unload on him. He'd say, did you pray about it? I'm like, yep. And then we'd have our conversation. And every single time I would call him, I'd hear a stupid voice in my head saying, did you pray about it? So I'd pray about it. And then I'd call him and say, yep, right? And something happened. One day I was just furious and just, I had a lot of anger issues when I first got sober. And I go to call him and I hear his dumb voice, right? Did you pray about it? And I'm just like, God, what do you want me to do in this situation? And before I called him, just the answer popped into my head. I don't remember what it was, but the answer popped into my head. And it was just like, just keep your mouth shut, Chris. Get over it, let it go, right? And it popped into my head. I'm like, oh, and I didn't have to call my sponsor. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, I didn't know why it happened, but it happened. So I'm like, ha, all right. Because for someone like me, when I was in early recovery or anybody else who's in early recovery, one of the issues is people aren't always gonna be there. People aren't always gonna be able to pick up the phone. So I didn't have like a burning bush or like a booming voice coming out of the clouds. It's just an answer popped into my head. Now, as somebody who lives a life based around logic and science and stuff like that, I would argue the fact that I've talked to this guy so much, I already know what he's gonna tell me before he tells me, right? Maybe that's what happened. But at the point I was at in my early recovery, I didn't care. I didn't care. Like that was a breakthrough for me. Like, was it working with him? The way I just got his wisdom implanted in my brain so I didn't need to call him as much? Maybe, but whatever happened, it was because I prayed about it. I'm like, okay, cool. Well, I eventually got to a point where it was like my third step maybe. And he had me praying every single day. And I sometimes I would forget and sometimes, you know, whatever. But I remember one of my old clients saying this is he had the same issues I did and a lot of people forget to pray and stuff. And this guy's sponsor said, well, do you go to a meeting every day? He's like, yeah, he's like, okay. Well, you pray twice a day at least at the beginning of the meeting at the end of the meeting. So I was already doing it but my sponsor wanted me to do it on my own. So what I started doing was praying in the shower. I shower every day. So I prayed every day, right? And basically that's my secret. That's the secret that not even my girlfriend knows about me. I still pray every single day in the shower. And I am still probably, you know, the way I would define myself, I'm spiritual, not religious. I'm an agnostic who leans a little bit more towards atheism depending on the day that it is. But, you know, this higher power that's helped me through life is just something that's there that I can't explain that I don't know about. You know, when I'm teaching clients about this because this is the number one issue people have with 12 step programs, it's like for me, the higher power thing is mainly knowing that I'm not in control of everything. I'm a control freak, I get anxiety and if I'm not in control, I freak out. But like the way I explain it to clients is like, you think you're in control? Okay, like for example, there's hurricanes going on, right? Over on the East Coast. Like if you're in control, run outside and make that hurricane stop, right? Like nature can be a power greater than yourself. You see what I mean? If you don't believe me, try to stop a tornado or a hurricane. You know what I'm saying? Like for me, the spirituality is mainly knowing that I'm not in control. And I've just got to a point where, you know, there's so many things I do for my sobriety, my mental health. I don't know which one of them is working. Which one of them is that secret ingredient? So I just do them all. Like my girlfriend and I, you know, she's an atheist and stuff. And we sit around and we watch things about, you know, like, you know, certain things on organized religion and we sit there and laugh and stuff to this. She watches all my videos. So this might come as a shock to her, but like, you know, I still feel the same. It's just for me, it's not that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal. Now let's bust out some science, okay? This is the way I explain it to my clients. I'm fascinated with neuroscience. If any of you have been around my channel for a while, I am just fascinated by your neuroscience and how the brand works. So there's a part of your brain called the posterior cingulate cortex. Think of this as the selfish part of your brain, okay? It's always thinking me, me, me. What can I get? What can I get? In any situation it's always about me. This is mainly from the posterior cingulate cortex. This is part of what they call the default mode network. Our default is to be selfish and self-centered, only thinking about ourselves, right? The prefrontal cortex, which is not part of our default mode network, this part we need to work to bring it online, okay? The prefrontal cortex is responsible for different things like empathy, thinking about others, morality. You see what I'm saying? But it takes work to activate it. So what scientists have discovered is that during prayer and meditation, the posterior cingulate cortex deactivates and the prefrontal cortex activates, all right? So there's the science behind why prayer and meditation actually works and it helps improve your mental health. So I meditate, prayer for me, I would say prayer for me is more of a meditation. Prayer for me is, for me, it's setting my intentions for the day. I won't say what I say in the shower verbatim, but basically I ask for help to have patience, tolerance and understanding because I can be a jerk, a really big jerk. I have anger issues and all sorts of stuff. So I ask for patience, tolerance and understanding. So that's something that I can look at for the day, like Chris, are you being patient, tolerant and understanding of the people in your life, right? Or strangers you pass on the street. The next thing I talk about in my prayer is I ask for strength, courage and hope for everybody else. Everybody else on the planet, anybody who is struggling, I want them to have strength, courage and hope because that's something that has kept me going and I just want other people to have it. So I would argue that when I'm doing that, my prefrontal cortex comes online and I'm becoming more empathetic and I'm thinking about the needs of others and how I can help others, all right? Then the last part, which leans a little bit more towards the religious side, but for me, bringing in the logic, I ask to grow in my higher powers image, right? To be this person that it would want me to be. And one thing I like about meditation is if you look at the Buddhist teachings, the higher power is basically a higher version of yourself. And that's kind of what I'm trying to set my intention for. Some of you have been around my channel for a while. I talk about my number one goal every single day is to be just a little bit better than I was yesterday, right? So I think all of us have this vision of ourselves. Who do we want to be? What's our version of happiness? What's our version of a success? Do we want to be nice, kind, loving, understanding, right? So the end of my prayer is just asking to try to be that person every single day, you know? But like, I don't know, you know, especially with people like who are fighting an addiction, which is life or death situation. Like, I don't know, I had to quit making such a big deal about it. You know what I mean? Like now that I know more about science and everything like that, like I can bring some logic to it. But again, I'm spiritual, not religious. I don't go to church. I'm not into organized religions. If that's your thing, that's cool, you know? But this is just something that's helped me stay sober and sane for the last six years. So again, it might be the secret ingredient, it might not be, but it's just something that I do every single day because I don't want to lose what I have. This peace, this serenity, this happiness, I don't want to lose any of that. So I'm interested. If you want to leave comments down below, go for it. I don't know really what you'll comment about. Like maybe you're like, oh, Chris, you know, right? But if you ask anybody who knows me, like, like I was worried I was going to lose subscribers off this, you know, for anybody who is atheist or agnostic, you know, like, oh, see, Chris is a Jesus freak or something like, no, that's not my thing. It's just part of my routine, it's part of my meditation, it's a do prayer every day in the shower and Tristan, my beautiful girlfriend, this is interesting. I can't wait for you to see this video. And this video is going to end kind of weird, so I'm just going to end it. If you like it, give it a thumbs up. There's stuff all around here that you can click on. You can subscribe, you can check out another video. There's a rewired soul merch shop floating around somewhere around here. But anyways, I love you all and thank you so, so much for watching. Peace.