 When you're a PDA child, because your brain is structured in a very similar way to a brain that's experienced significant trauma, the way that we experience the world often is that we believe that it's out to get us. Everything's out to get us. Everyone is to blame. We're not responsible for anything. Everything is happening to us. Now, this is not irrational. This is a completely rational, logical response for a child who has been exposed to people disapproving of them, getting in trouble all the time, trying their hardest to regulate and manage really difficult situations and being rejected or abandoned, feeling like nothing goes right for them in the world and the world is against them, is actually a really rational response. But what we want to do as parents to support them in moving out of that way of thinking is to offer supportive reassurance without playing into the blame narrative. An example is when the child kicks their toe on the sofa and they say something like, why did you put that sofa there? It's your fault. Why do you want to hurt me? And sometimes they can get really wrapped up in finding someone or something to blame. It's easy to take our frustration out on a safe person. What's really behind kicking our toe on the sofa is the loss of autonomy and control. We've hurt ourselves and we didn't choose that for ourselves. So it triggers PDA, it triggers rage. Really, we're raging about this loss of control. So when a child hurts themselves, they may really scream and rage and then they're going to find their safe person and take out their frustration on that safe person. Why did you put that sofa there? Why would you choose a sofa with legs that are made from wood? The way that I respond to that in my family is to say shift my focus away from people and bring it back to the sofa and use humour in communication with the couch. We're avoiding supporting the idea of personal blame. I will share in solidarity. I hate it when I kick my toe and I'll get really into it too. I'll meet them where they're at. That's so annoying. If you find that escalates your child further, you might say, oh, yes, I know. That is so annoying. It's about being responsive to the child in front of us and meeting them where they're at. The use of humour, the way that I shift the focus away from people and onto the sofa is that I'll have a conversation with the sofa. I'll turn around. I've done this many times and say to the sofa, excuse me? No, we don't hurt people in this house. We show each other respect. Legs to yourself. Pop yourself over there. Sorry? No. No, we're not having this conversation. If you continue to get in my child's way, we're going to have a bit of karate going on. Sometimes I might even do a bit of karate on the couch. That usually makes my child giggle. Sometimes they'll join in with me and they'll punch the couch or the sofa and we'll move on. It won't end there. We have a very sensitive memory consolidation and limbic system relationship. So the PDA will consolidate the memories that are painful and negative over joyful and positive experiences. This is because it draws a larger response from us and because we have an activated threat response consistently, it is collecting information to keep us alive and keep us safe. Those memories are at the forefront of our mind all the time. It will come up again. They might come back in two hours and say, Mum, why did you buy that sofa? Really? My toe is so sore now and I can't swim in the pool because my toe is sore. This is your fault. It will come up over and over. So I continue to use humour before that happens or when that happens. I'll walk into the wall and ask, who put that wall there? Or who put the third in my mouth? That's not okay. Who invented food? So I'm having a laugh. I'm making fun. If your child responds poorly to any of these, then you stop and you don't do it. But I will make a point about the world not being out to get us by being silly and giving other examples. I might sit on a chair and ask, who put the chair in my butt? Who put the chair in my butt? I was just walking happily to the kitchen and I found myself here with the chair in my bum. You did this, didn't you? So I'll just enter into a bit of back and forth silliness. Indirect language examples. We're using natural curiosity statements. We're deep personalising. We're using silliness. We're focusing on objects and themes over people.