 Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Phil Harris Alice Bay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drug. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugist with a welcome from all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent drugists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names. You can always tell us for the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows, but we're better known because we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company. Many of these products are household names, like Rexall pure test aspirin for instance. Millions of users know that by laboratory test, Rexall pure test aspirin disintegrates completely faster than any other leading brand tested. And quality like that is what we family drugists are talking about when we tell you, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. Now your Rexall family drugist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Bay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos, and Whitfield. Walter Sharp and his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Bay and Phil Harris. Phil was unprepared for his opening program and Mr. Scott the sponsor was so furious he's insisted that from now on Phil keep regular office hours. He's assigned him an office in the Rexall building and this is to be Phil's first day there. Alice I don't like this. Do you realize I'll have to get up at 7.30 every morning like this to get to the office at 9? Oh it won't hurt you to keep regular hours. I keep regular hours now. Every night I go to bed at 4 o'clock in the morning and get up promptly at 3 in the afternoon. Musicians do till 4 o'clock in the morning. We're making a patchwork quilt. Look honey, Scotty can't tie me down to an office routine. I ain't gonna come in at a certain time, leave at a certain time, and eat at a certain time. He can't treat me like a machine. What does he think I am? An auto-tartanmanon? The way you talk you think living a regular life was going to kill you. Well that ain't gonna do me no good. It'll ruin my health. Imagine getting to the office at 9 o'clock and working hard all day. Why can you imagine what will happen by the time the cocktail hour comes around? I'll be too weak to lift my buttermilk. Bad enough working in an office, but happen to get up at that time. She's going to be gone all day. Who's going to give us our music appreciation lessons? Well I'll get somebody to fill in for me. I'll get Toscanini or Dean's Taylor or one of them cats. Sure, I've been a musician for many years and I'm imparting to them all of the musical knowledge I've acquired. Now that you could do in a one fifteen minute lesson. I'll be a wise wise. Wait, did you see Fallen Angel? I'll show you. Look girls, sing the scale for your mother. There you are. That rendition of the scale. What happened to the rest of it? Is there more? Music is her daddy been teaching you. All kinds of songs. Ghost writers in the sky look at me and he's going to teach us the alphabet song as soon as he learns it. What do you mean your father doesn't know a simple little tune like that? He knows the tune. It's the alphabet that's slowing him down. What presents? Well, we all bought you something for your first day at the office. I bought you this briefcase. Willie bought you a green eye shade. I got you this lovely celluloid collar with matching cuff. Oh, how utterly chic. Oh, I thought it was kind of cute of mom to buy you that celluloid collar and cuff. Yeah, yeah, very funny. Oh, that mother of yours. She's a clip. She's quite a comedian. Yeah, I remember when she was a straight man. Look honey, do I have to go down to the office? Why can't I? I'll get there. If the musician junior never finds out I'm getting up during the day, they'll drum me out of the core. Yes, mister, what can I do for you? I'd like to see Mr. Harris. I'm Mr. Harris. You're Mr... Curly, I'm Frankie. No kidding. Yeah, we've been playing together for 20 years. This is the first time we've seen each other in broad daylight. I hate to say this, Curly, but you don't look very appetizing at this early hour. You ain't no crepe sousette yourself. What are you doing up so early? Wait a minute. What are you hiding behind your back? Present for you? Something you can use at the office. For me? Oh, gee whiz, Frankie, I hold it. Is it a celluloid collar or a green eye shape? Curly, please. You know I wouldn't buy anything as ridiculous as that. Well, I'm sorry Frankie, I'm a little bit bothered. I should have known better. What did you buy me, pal? A lunch pail. You ain't carrying no lunch pail. But it's a roomy one. See, you put your peanut butter sandwich here, your hard-boiled egg here, and your orange over here. Suppose I want to take a banana instead of a banana. It won't fit unless you can find a round banana. Oh, dead-carrying a round banana. It's got a beautiful vacuum bottle in it. Will you forget it? Now just forget it. Holds a fifth of milk. I don't care for that. It's Alice. Is that who it is? Well, Curly, she don't look much better than we do in the morning. But Alice is beautiful. It's just the curlers in her hair, and the cream on her face that makes her look so awful. Gee, Alice, if you've got to put your hair up in curlers at night, why do you wear those old things? Why don't you wear the new ones you got? I'd like to, but you always get to bed first and beat me to them. No, I'm not. Goodbye, honey. Wait a minute. Aren't you going to drive me down? Don't you want to see my new office? Oh, I don't have time. Neither have I, but I got it. Now, come on, honey. Drive us down, will you? Us? Yes. You and me. If I got to suffer, you're going to suffer with me, Remly. Just call me Les Miserable. All right, Phil. I'll drive you fellows down. I'll get my coat. What's she so happy about? What's she singing for? I don't know. I guess this is the spot she's supposed to sing. I don't know. I never see this stuff, either, until about three minutes before we're ready to... Being cooked up in an office is going to dull my sparkling personality. I can't be Corell like a wild horse. I'm the wild stallion type. When it rains to Rome, I won't be tethered and have my spirit broken. I'm not going to kill my withers. I don't know why you're carrying on like this. Being in an office isn't going to hurt you. Willie's been working here in the bookkeeping department for a year now, and it hasn't hurt him any... Don't mention your brother to me. Things are bad enough. Now, if you forget Willie, I'll go in. Open the door. Good morning. The character starts to annoy me before they get the door open. You're a little quick this morning, ain't you, Herschel? Milk binge or something? They got to them things. They want to take one away from your desk anyway. I came down to show you how to act in an office. There are several things I want you to know, Philip. I feel it my duty to enlighten you. Francis, what are you doing? I'm putting a few nickels in this slot machine. That's a time clock. I've been waiting for three cherries. It keeps coming up nine o'clock. Incidentally, Philip, you're to punch the time clock every day. Punch it. You stand in front of it and I'll splendor it. There's a bunch of no-time clocks. Now, just show me the office. Where is it? It's right across the hall here. Oh, come on. I'm so anxious to see what it looks like. Phil! Phil, they got your name on the door. They have? Fine thing. Using my married name instead of my maiden name. Beautiful office. It's so decorative. Don't you just love it? I don't know. Don't you think the decor is a trifle rococo? What was that? That's French, but it's got a lousy color scheme. You'll get used to it. Well, I'd better run along so you can get to work. I'll see you tonight, honey. All right, honey. Okay. Man, I'm going to go nuts in this place. I don't even like the way it's furnished. We'll re-furnish it. Nice scenery. Well, good morning, Harris. Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. I'm happy to see you on the job this early. What time did you get here? Eight o'clock last night. It was just getting ready to go home. So long, Scotty. Everything's going on. Ah, just, just, just... Come back here. What time did you get in? Well, if you must know, I got here at nine this morning. Splendid, my boy. I'm glad to see that you're charming on the spot. After all, punctuality is a virtue. A good beginning means a good finish. Or, as I always say, the early bird gets the word. Oh, this kid really comes on with some jazzy expressions. Well, how do you like your new office, Harris? We don't. Remly, what are you doing here? I'm redecorating the office. We'll put the bar in that corner, the pool table in the middle, and the pinball machine over there. We don't like your furniture. You don't like it? Do you realize every piece in this room is an antique? They're all expensive imports, and they're beautiful. I think they're crummy. Remly. Hmm? Why must you torment me? Why don't you go someplace? You're old enough to run away from home. Why don't you go to Tibet and become a high llama? Curly? Is there any future in being a high llama? Well, I guess it's better than being a low llama. Maybe I can become a middle llama. Ah, don't pay nothing. They ain't organized. Will you two shut up? Remly, I'm not going to tolerate you any longer. You ain't. I'm the one who's being tolerant. Wait a minute, fellas. Wait a minute. Listen, will you just keep quiet just a minute? Gentlemen. This is my first day at the office. Can't we make it a happy one? Why do you always have to argue this way? Why don't you two make up? Why don't you be friends? We're acting like children. Let's forget the past and shake hands. No, come on, Scotty. I want to be your friend. Shake hands. All right. Gad with a clammy hand. Remly, I can't... I can't touch anybody who shakes hands like that. You could have him assassinated. Look, Karen, you're here to work and work you will. Now get behind your desk and start thinking. Anything in particular you want me to start thinking about? You might try thinking about Rex all for a change. Try to come up with an idea that might be beneficial to the organization. I have to go downtown, but I'll be back at five and don't you dare leave this office until I return. Now get to work. Slave driver? Find a way to talk to me. The star of his radio program. Me, whose picture is in the current issue of Look Magazine, which may be found on any newsstand, Railroad Station, Dennis's office. All right, all right. Don't overdo it. You got it all in. Now, you better get to work, Curly. Oh, Frankie, I can't work in an office on such a beautiful day. This routine ain't for me. Up in the mornin' out on the job Work like the devil for my pain But that lucky old's got nothing to do But rule around heaven all day Show me that river, take me across All my troubles away Like that lucky old's son Give me nothing to do But rule around, got nothing to do But rule around heaven, pass with more Sweat till I'm grey, cold and gray But that lucky old's got nothing to do Send down that cloud with a steel I do a show that you have the company's interest That'll make the old pill roller happen Increase their sales, huh? Sure. Well, if we put our heads together, maybe we could figure something out. Now, let's see now. What could I do to increase the sales of Rexall? In business, I get fouled. What are you doing here? How'd you know I was here, Julius? Yeah, we're busy. We gotta put our heads together. How can we help their business? Curly, I got it. What's one of the most beneficial drugs ever discovered? Penicillin? Yeah. What do they make it out of? Mold. Okay. If mold is so good, why don't we invent an aspirin made out of mold? Common bread ain't good enough for us. Let's make it out of... out of dry, crisp mold. Better yet, let's make it out of seven-layer cake mold. But there's no telling how far this can go. We could have kosher aspirin... Sprint stroganoff. Boiled aspirin with horseradish sauce? Keep quiet. We're getting worse than he is. Trying to help? Well, you can't help. They ain't gonna buy aspirin stroganoff with horseradish. Why don't you stop? You're hanging around them too long, kid. Now, maybe we'd better stay away from the drugs anyway. You know, they got great scientists working on that stuff. Yeah, that's right. Hey. Hey, Remly, why don't we run a sale? Yeah, that'll help business. Let's have one of them one-cent sales. Now, Frankie, you got it. See you guys. We don't... ...beam a business. Let's get that one-cent sale roll. We'll go into Scott's office and get things started. We'll make a few phone calls and have this thing... Scotty will be back soon. Will he be surprised? I can just see his face now. We did? Remly likes our ideas so much he's stealing it. Look at these receipts, Scotty. We cleaned everything off of the shelves. We sold 10,750 items. How much did you take in? 10,750 pennies. Of course, how else do you think you could run a one-cent sale? Small like this never gets to be a big shot in a company. You don't even know how to run a sale. Don't be too hard with him. He ain't had much schooling. Harris, get out of here! You've probably been asked this many times before, but I'd like to know how you'd sum up the story of Rexall's quality. Well, ma'am, I think I'd put it this way. Always a little better, always a little more. What do you mean? Exactly. Well, let's take an example. Rexall's famous mouthwash in Gargle called MI-31 antiseptic. Thanks to its special MI-31 formula, this antiseptic kills contacted germs in a matter of seconds when used full strength. Yet it won't harm the delicate membranes of your mouth and throat. I see. That's what you mean by always a little better. Exactly, ma'am. And here's what I mean by always a little more. Many other antiseptics come in 12 to 14-ounce bottles, but Rexall gives you 16 ounces of MI-31 a full pint. And at no greater cost than other leading brands of lesser quantity. This policy of always striving to give a little better quality and a little more quantity is Rexall's creed. And it's one of the big reasons why, wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window, there's a family druggist who will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall! Folks, this is Phil again. This year's nationwide polio epidemic is the most serious in our history. Money available to pay for the care of polio victims is being used up at the rate of $100,000 a day. And unless additional money is received immediately, this fund will be wiped out in two more weeks. Look, you know and I know that this mustn't happen. So send your dimes and dollars to polio care of your post office. Good night, everybody. Good night. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips. Included into Gage's task was Gail Gordon. The part of Frankie Remily was played by Elliot Lewis and Julius was played by Walter Tetley. Alice Faye appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. This is Bill Foreman wishing good health to all from Rexall. Stay tuned now for the adventures of Sam Spade which follows immediately on NBC.