 SCP-729-J Object Class Keter Bum-yul! Guys, you're hurting his feelings, he's just trying to help. Bum-yul is… Special Containment Procedures SCP-729-J currently resides in Dr. Niles Hesson's office on her desk, where, pray to God, it will stay. Request testing at your own risk. It breaches containment and an alarm in frequency, but even MTF-New 7, Hammer Down, refuses to go near the fucking thing, so it does whatever the hell it wants. We are all at its mercy. Dr. Hesson has been commanded to turn in SCP-729-J, for it to be properly contained, as soon as someone can get up the courage to write her an email. Description SCP-729-J is supposed to be a toy, but I want to know who the sick fuck was that wanted to give this thing to children. The label says it's made of polyester fiber, but we all know it's made of the Devil's couch stuffing, or something. Its reign of terror began during a containment breach of SCP-106. SCP-106 had managed to trap Dr. Hesson in her office, and had successfully corroded a hole in the door when it caught sight of THAT goddamn thing, I mean SCP-729-J. SCP-106 stopped moving completely, and began staring at SCP-729-J, showing no interest in Dr. Hesson. SCP-106 then began moving backwards out of Dr. Hesson's office, never breaking visual contact with that eldritch horror, I mean SCP-729-J, until it reached the end of the hall and promptly rematerialized back into its containment cell. It should be noted that SCP-106's middle fingers were raised for the entirety of the encounter with SCP-729-J. SCP-106's reaction is, frankly, perfectly understandable, and several researchers who witnessed the event were found huddling with SCP-106 in its containment cell. SCP-2006 Effects SCP-2006 screeched upon being introduced, and assumed a form identical to SCP-729-J. SCP-2006 has not changed form since the encounter. SCP-1322 Effects SCP-729-J was sent through the wormhole to the SCP-1322 Society. It was returned six minutes later, tied to a white flag. SCP-303 Effects When Dr. Hesson was told to walk through a door with 303 on the other side while holding SCP-729-J, SCP-303 promptly opened the door for Dr. Hesson, and ushered her through before quickly exiting the room, with Dr. Hesson showing no sign of the usual fear response. SCP-303 was found six hours later in an abandoned storage closet, in a fetal position, sucking its thumb. SCP-3000 Effects SCP-729-J was put on a fishing hook and lowered into the sea, to where the current position of SCP-3000 was found with radar. After two hours of lowering it into the sea, Dr. Starlin complained about a cramp in his hand from unwinding the fishing pole, and Dr. Bayer took over. Another 50 minutes later, the assumed death of SCP-3000 was reached. After two minutes, a tug was felt on the fishing pole, and SCP-3000's presence swiftly disappeared from the radar. As Dr. Bayer also complained of his hand hurting, retrieval of the end of the fishing line was postponed. I told them both they should do stretches beforehand, but no! We play Halo every Friday! Our wrists are trained! Should have listened, Dr. Bayer. The next day, after proper warm-up, SCP-729-J was successfully retrieved, along with a crudely written note attached to it reading, Alright, I thought we had a deal. I turned some consciousness to spaghetti, and you guys get your regretty for Giddy. But okay, you won. You get the spaghetti stuff for free. Lifetime supply. But please, just this one condition. Keep that thing out of my ocean. I'll go for a while. I need to calm down. SCP-055 Effects Dr. Hesson walked into the containment chamber of SCP-055 holding SCP-729-J. About five minutes later, the containment chamber opened, and a Calico cat ran into Dr. Hesson's office. Oh, Pudding, come here, I brought a new friend for you! Wait, we even had a 055, and it's a cat named Pudding? Dr. Axum SCP-650 Effects After being exposed to SCP-729-J, SCP-650 did not appear immediately behind Dr. Hesson, as it usually does with others, nor was it inside its containment cell. A containment breach alert was sounded as per protocol. SCP-650 was found seven hours later inside of a storage closet, curled up into a ball. It did not move for approximately 12 hours. SCP-1048 Effects When exposed to SCP-729-J, all copies made by SCP-1048 became immobile, and have not regained mobility since exposure. SCP-1048 appeared alarmed by this, making a gesture like the sign of the cross, and retreated behind its copies. SCP-1048 regained the ability to make copies of itself when SCP-729-J was removed. It now frequently produces art that depict SCP-729-J as monstrous in some form, and cowards have shown a picture of SCP-729-J. Not even the teddy? Poor Mr. Bones, he just wants some friends. Try 2317. Maybe then a hell of a beast can be with its own kind. It wouldn't play with him either. My god. SCP-682 Effects Long story short, we reclassed SCP-682 as neutralized. You don't even want to fucking know how this little fucker killed it. Dr. Foxfield SCP-076 Effects SCP-729-J was placed inside SCP-076's containment area when scans showed that SCP-076-2's heart was beginning to beat. All humans exited the room, and researchers watched behind a camera. When SCP-076-2 got out of SCP-076-1, instead of looking for the nearest human, he looked straight at SCP-729-J. SCP-076-2 materialized an American M9 flamethrower and a corresponding fuel pack. He attempted to use it on SCP-729-J, but the flamethrower did nothing to it. When SCP-076-2 ran out of fuel and saw that SCP-079-J was unharmed, he ran back into SCP-076-1 and curled up into a ball. Crying sounds were coming from the inside of SCP-076-1. It has been two weeks, and SCP-076-2 has yet to come out of that position. SCP-073 Effects When exposed to SCP-729-J, SCP-073 took a cup of water and proceeded to bless it. SCP-073 then vocalized the phrase, «Fuck off, dick nips!» and soaked the little shit in the holy water. SCP-073 remained under a table for the remainder of the test, with its fingers in the form of a cross. SCP-187 Effects Upon being exposed to SCP-729-J, SCP-187 began to vomit and frothed the mouth. SCP-187 displays rapid emotional changes, switching from screaming and babbling to squealing and cooing. SCP-187 was immediately removed. Upon being interviewed, SCP-187 said, «How can such a thing be so ungodly yet so cute?» SCP-187 is currently undergoing therapy. SCP-1915 Effects SCP-729-J is exposed to SCP-1915. Upon exposure, SCP-1915 explained while raising his arms high into the air, «I quit!» SCP-1915 breaches containment and SCP-1915 is currently believed to be conversing with SCP-3812 about the futility of narratives and plot points, currently debating which of their creators has the smallest dick. SCP-4812-K Effects SCP-729-J is launched straight at SCP-4812-K. SCP-4812-K begins to scream and rise around, before charging towards SCP-225-1 killing itself. SCP-4812-S and E are reported at this time to breach containment, both self-terminating. SCP-729-J is retrieved and given back hastily by the GOC, stated it killed the Eros entity by landing on it. No, upon being asked how he is still capable of talking and reacting in a calm and stoic manner around that goddamn thing, Dr. Gears spoke calmly stating, «I have actually soiled my pants the first time I looked at it, and now I have a super toilet in the observation deck, with a throw-up bucket and shower included. I honestly am as disgusted by it as you are. SCP-173 Effects Don't ask about it. No, the warhead did not destroy either of them. No, there was no grand battle. Yes, there was a discussion. No, do not go and try searching for the coitern or the ██████████. No, not even the Wanderers Library. Yes, they did don sabraros. No, we have yet to remove them. No, we will not try this again, lest we see an AZ-class Fiesta scenario. Yes, that is all we found in the second SCP-5000 suit that showed up in SCP-173's containment chamber. Green. I don't know. I think he looks cute with it. SCP-001 Effects Tom Brady, quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was abducted and forced to throw SCP-729-J into SCP-001's radius. SCP-001 immediately looked at 729-J and bowed. A mouse-shaped opening appeared on SCP-001's head, and in a loud voice, it said, «My lord!» SCP-001 then picked up 729-J and put it in the garden on the other side of the gate that SCP-001 guarded. 729-J was only able to be retrieved when SCP-001 was allowed to have SCP-999 for a day. Don't worry, Tom Brady was given, as SCP-3000 so gracefully put it, «regretty for giddy» Doctor ██████ Head of the Amnestics Department SCP-049 Effects When exposed to SCP-729-J, SCP-049 appeared to stagger, grasping its head with its hand and falling to its knees, stating, «The pestilence, it's too strong!» SCP-049 then attempted to crawl towards SCP-729-J, vocalizing, «I must cure you!» but fell to the ground and fell unconscious. Damn, guess that dude's too strong a plague even for SCP-049? Dr. Brian Interview Log Interviewed Dr. Hesson Interviewer Dr. Yvane Forward SCP-729-J was contained, if you can call it that, in Dr. Hesson's purse. Despite multiple pleas to please just put the goddamn thing away. Began Log Dr. Hesson, tell us the means by which you obtained SCP-729-J. Dr. Hesson I mean, it was a little gift I ordered for myself online. Easter, you know. Dr. Yvane Nothing odd at all about its manufacturing? Dr. Hesson Nope. Dr. Yvane And yet we've scoured the factory where it was made for evidence of satanic rituals. Odd. Dr. Hesson But yeah, he came in the mail. It was one of those special scented ones. Dr. Yvane Dear God! I'm sorry I feasted upon your brethren. Let me live. It'll never happen again, I promise. Just have mercy. What is the nature of your immunity to SCP-729-J's effects? Dr. Yvane Properties? I mean, it's a plushie. I have it right here. Dr. Hesson begins removing SCP-729-J. Dr. Hesson Oh God, does she think we want that thing anywhere near us? Dr. Yvane No, no, no. Fuck, get that thing away from me. Dr. Yvane Closing Statement Interview with Terminator due to imminent containment breach