 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. To give you more smoking enjoyment. Lucky's pay more. Yes, there's more smoking enjoyment than a lucky because Lucky's pay more for fine tobacco. Millions of dollars more than official patty prices. L S M F T L M F T Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Fine light tobacco that the tobacco experts can see the makers of Lucky Strike Consistently, select and buy. Just listen to what Mr. C.B. Smith, an independent tobacco buyer from Danville, Virginia, recently said. I've been buying tobacco now for 30 years. And year after year, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine quality lead. Ripe, mild tobacco that gives you a real good smoke. I've smoked Lucky's myself for 29 years. And a recent survey reveals that for their own smoking enjoyment, more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. So take a tip from the experts and for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment. Light up a Lucky. Remember, Lucky's pay more. Millions of dollars more than official parity prices for fine tobacco. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. You'll agree. In all the world, there's no finer cigarette. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, last week while temporarily deranged from a blow on the head by a can of tomato juice, Jack Benny put a $1,000 deposit on a yacht. He's recovered from his injury, but the loss of his money plus a bad cold have kept him in bed. Shall I fluff up your pillow a little, Mr. Benny? No, no, it's all right. How do you feel? How do you expect a man to feel his throat away $1,000? I won't buy the yacht, so I'll lose my deposit. Oh, boss, cheer up. It's only money. Cheer up. Rochester, what would you do if you lost $1,000? I'd kill myself. You see? You see? But boss, we're so different. What do you mean different? Well, it would take me a lifetime to save that much money. You make it every fall from the cushion concession at the Coliseum. Well, it is doing a little better this year. Yeah, that new slogan of yours is dynamite. Be kind to your spine on a 50-yard line. Look, Rochester, I'm in no mood to... Achoo! Gazooed height. Thank you. To discuss business, I'm too upset. Boss, why don't you try to get your mind off that $1,000? It's not helping your cold, any. Okay, tune in the radio. I'll listen to the World Series. World Series? That's over. It was played last week while you were suffering from amnesia. The Yanks took the series four games to one. They did? Yeah, if you and Brooklyn now, the whole town would be in bed with you. I guess so. Well, maybe you better... Achoo! Gazooed height. Thank you. Maybe you better read to me some more. That'll take my mind off of things. Shall I continue with that same book? Yeah. Now, let's see. Where did I leave off? $1,000. Just thrown away. Oh, here's the place. It was at this point in her life that she decided the Liverpool was too small for her. So Amber left for London. But she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Earl of Gloucester, who was so much a part of her life, their farewell was brief but tender. As she held him in his arms, Amber whispered and kissed him on the ear and whispered... $1,000. Throw it away. Oh, boss, you're not even listening. I am too. Now go on reading. Amber kissed him on the ear. Achoo! Darling, if you ever come to London... Rochester. I'll be waiting for you with all my... Rochester. I'm sorry, boss. Gazooed height. Well, watch it next time. Rochester, why are you closing the book? It's time to take your medicine. I'll get the spoon. You needn't bother. I'm not going to take any more of that nasty tasting medicine. Boss, the doctor said... I don't care what the doctor said. I'm not going to take any more of that medicine. Well, I guess I'll have to do it again. Here goes. Rochester, I'm not going to take it even if you do take it first. Boss, you've got to take your medicine. I'm not going to take it. You can't force me. Come on now, boss. Here's the medicine. Open your mouth. Now, come on now. Open your mouth. What's your hooper? 19-point. Ah! It didn't taste so bad. All right, boss. But when the nurse gets here, you'll have to do everything she says. That may be the nurse now. I'll go see. Rochester, how Mr. Benny's cold today? Oh, just about the same, Ms. Livingston. Is he still upset about that $1,000? He sure is. I don't know why he worries about it with all the money he's got in his mattress. I know. With him sleeping on a ceiling, he is like sleeping on a bank. I'll go in and see him. Rochester, was that the nurse? No, boss. It's Ms. Livingston. Oh, uh... Hello, Barry. Hello, Jack. Did you bring any fruit? No. Well, come on in and have some of mine. I'm not in the kitchen, boss. If you want me, just sneeze. I mean, just call. I will, I will. Well, how do you feel, Jack? Okay, I guess, but it's boring being in bed just listening to the radio and reading. Is this the book you've been reading? Forever Amber? Yeah. This book is six years old. How come you're reading it now? I didn't trust myself when I was younger. Believe me, you could have read it when it first came out. I guess so. Mary, what have you got? Mr. Belly, the nurse is here. Oh, have her come right in. Right this way, nurse. Thank you. Good afternoon. You're the nurse? Yes, I am. Are you the patient? Yes. Hmm. Why do they always send for me at the last minute? Now, just a second, nurse. Stop talking. You're blowing germs all over the room. Of course. Jack, do as she says. Oh, all right. Oh, this bed is a mess. I'll straighten out the sheets. Well, do you know it's unsanitary to have a cat in bed with you? A cat? Jack, it slipped off. Put it back on your head. Turn over. I'm going to give you a sponge and a massage. Look, nurse, I don't want it. Don't argue. Just take off your top. Are you your husband? No. Your boyfriend? No. A relative? No. Well, it's certainly nice of you to visit a lonely old man. Just a minute, nurse. For your information, I happen to be 39. What do you think? Minutes? Just as ridiculous. What? I'm going down to the kitchen now and prepare some food. All right. Go, go. Why do they have to send me a nurse like that? Everybody else gets a bathing beauty. I get a lifeguard. Jack, don't let her upset you. Well, what kind of a nurse? Answer that, will you, Mary? Okay. Hello? Oh, hiya, Livy. Oh, hello, Phil. Want to talk to Jack? Yeah, but first, I want to talk to you. Hey, what's the idea of giving me the cold shoulder this morning? This morning? Yeah, yell to you. You were just leaving the beauty parlor. Alice and I drove up. Oh, was Alice going to the beauty parlor? No, I was. She goes on Thursdays. Well, Phil, I'm sorry I didn't say hello, but I really didn't see you. Well, I'm glad you didn't. My hair was a mess. Would you like to talk to Jack? Yeah, put him on. Jack, it's Phil. Can you talk to him? I guess so. Hello, Phil. Well, how's nasal wrath bone today? Oh, just the same, I guess. Hey, Jackson, did you get that basket of fruit I sent you? Yeah, thanks. Phil, what kind of a card was that you said with it? Well, I thought it was very appropriate. I picked it up myself. It said, congratulations will come when you're out of danger. Phil, why don't you learn to read? The card said, congratulations, welcome to the little stranger. I imagine welcome to the little stranger. Well, keep it. Some enchanted evening you may meet one. Look, Phil, I'm in bed. The phone is out of the wall. My neck is hurting me. Now, what did you call for, anyway? Yeah, look, Jackson, I want to talk to you again. I can swallow the tickets. What? I want to talk to you again about the plans for that music on next Sunday's program. Phil, my mind is made up. Oh, wait a minute, Jackson. I know you're trying to get your thousand bucks back as soon as possible, but... But what? Well, I'm going to look silly on that big stage just leading a harmonica player. I can't have him, Phil. I want to get my buddy back, so we'll save it on the orchestra. Did you tell you musicians they're laid off for a week? Yeah, I told them and some of them put up a pretty big beef. Oh, yeah? Who? Well, Remli for one. Franky said he ain't going to take this laying down. Really? Who's going to prop him up? Who else objected? Sammy the drummer. You can't blame him. He suffered a terrific financial setback. How? He bet on UCLA. He serves the right. He never buys one of my cushions. Hang up. The nurse will be back any minute. Hey, Jackson. Hey. You got a nurse taking care of you? Yeah. Oh, you sly old dog. Hey, Jackson. I'd like to, uh, like to see the nurse sometime. You would? Yeah. Well, go to the Olympic Wednesday night. She's wrestling in the 75. Goodbye. I don't have enough trouble. Phil has to call up. I wish the doctor would get here. I feel awful. Oh, there it goes again. I can't move. Answer that, will you, Barry? Oh, all right, all right. Don't be so grouchy. Don't be so grouchy. Don't be so grouchy. Hello? Hello, Mary. This is Don. How's Jack feeling? Oh, he acts like he's the only one in the world who has a cold. Like a big baby. Yeah, maybe he's a lot worse than you think. Ah, shoot. Gesundheit, Mary. That was Jack. Oh, well, let me speak to him. Here, Jack. Hello, Don. What do you want? Gesundheit and I'll put Mary back on. Never mind that. What do you want? Well, the sportsman quartet is over here at my house. Well, why aren't they over here? I want to hear the song they're going to do on our program someday. Oh, they can't take a chance. Come into your house. Jack, after all, they're singers. They might catch your cold. Cold or no cold, they're supposed to come over here, rehearse the number. A lot they think of my program. Now, wait a minute, Jack. You're taking the wrong attitude. What? As soon as the boys heard about your cold, they were very concerned, and they've got some good advice for you. Advice? Yeah, here, here. I'll put them on the phone. Look, boys, when I've got a cold, I don't need any advice. Give it to him, boys. Look, Don, I don't need any advice. It's free. Take good. Carry yourself. Careful, Mr. B. Careful, I'm careful. Eat an apple every day. Go to bed by three. Take good. Carry yourself. Passing NBC. Be careful in the breeze. Ooh. Watch it, please. Ooh. Or you'll sneeze. Ooh. You'll get a cold and ruin your program. Look, I've got a cold. I don't have to get one now. Call a doctor, dude. Take good. Carry yourself, cause we all love you. When you're buying cigarettes, buy the brand you like. Take good. Carry yourself. Smoke a lucky strike. When you're driving in a car, or you're on a hike. Take good. Carry yourself. Smoke a lucky strike. If I may have my say. Please do. Don't delay. What's new? Start today. Ooh. Light up a lucky and you'll enjoy it. Men are no tobacco best. Smoke the best you see. Brown burn, fully packed, L-S-M-F-T. But when you come to the show, should they be sure? Come on, come on. Hang up that phone. It's time for your medicine. Look, nurse, I'm not going to take any more of that. Hang up that phone. Nurse, look, I can't stand the taste of that stuff. Never mind. Here it is. Now, open your mouth. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Oh, Jack, don't be such a baby. Open your mouth. Mm, mm, mm. Mr. Benny, what's your hooper? Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. His hooper is 6.3. It is not. It's 19- Ah! Barry, that's your fault. You don't have to be so smart. Come on, Mr. Benny. Open your mouth. I took the medicine. I know. I want my ring back. Look, I took my medicine. Now let me alone. All right. Call me if you need me. I'll lead you. I wish I could get over this cold. Jack, it isn't the cold that's bothering you. If you got your $1,000 back, you'd be up in no time. Barry, believe me, losing $1,000 isn't what's keeping me in bed. I've reached the point where my health is more important than money. Oh, boss, come now. Look, Barry, you don't have to... Don't lie in that room. You'll find him in bed. What's the nurse yelling about? Oh, it's Dennis. Oh, Dennis, I was hoping you'd come over. I wanted to try... Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello. I thought you'd come over. I wanted to tell you... How do you feel, kid? Pretty good. Dennis, I was hoping you'd come over. I wanted to tell you... How's your cold? Not bad. Dennis, I was hoping... Hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. What'd you want to say? What was it you wanted to say, Mr. Benny? Nothing. Nothing. I'm too tired. Well, Mary, who was that who just let me in? Oh, that was Mr. Benny's nurse. Oh, I thought it was Mighty Joe Young. I know what you mean. Say, Dennis, is that a new suit you're wearing? Yeah, do you like it? Yeah, but, Dennis, a light-grade suit doesn't go with those purple socks. Well, Mary, I'm... Don't argue, Dennis. Mary is right. Your light-grade suit does not go with those purple socks. But I'm not wearing socks. What? We made wine yesterday. You should have been there, Mr. Benny. We put five baskets of grapes in the bathtub and then took our shoes off and crushed them. Imagine making wine in a bathtub. How many gallons did you get? I don't know. I forgot to put in the plug. Look, Dennis, I've got a cold. I don't want to get into a routine with you. When my mother has a cold, she ties an aspirin on a string and swallows it four times. Dennis, you don't have to finish. Believe me. I know what you're building up to. I know. That's the way your mother takes a four-way cold tablet, huh? No, she likes to dunk. Now, stop! Can't you see I don't feel good? Dennis, instead of annoying Mr. Benny, why don't you sing a song for him? Maybe it'll cheer him up. Yes, please. Okay. That's for you. For me? Did your mother make it? She made the chowder. I don't know who made the bowl. I'm surprised that your mother likes me well enough. I can reason very. My neck is longer now. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Mr. Kerns, the man who sold you the yacht. Mr. Kerns, I didn't buy the yacht. And I'm glad you called because if you think that you keep my money... No, no, no, Mr. Benny, let's not get excited. I've been in business for 20 years here and I have a reputation I'm proud of. And rather than incur any ill feelings, I'm coming over to return your $1,000 deposit. You... Yes, I'll bring the check over in 15 minutes. Well, well, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Kerns. Thank you very much. Mary. Mary, I'm going to get my deposit back. She was so happy about... Jack, while you were on the phone, Dr. Nelson arrived. Dr. Nelson? How do you do? Leave everything to me. Wait a minute, you're not my regular doctor. Where's Dr. Lagley? Oh, he had to go to a funeral, so he asked me to take care of you. A funeral? One of his patients? No, one of mine. Dr. Xabinby had go already. We're in a moment. Oh, nurse, nurse. Yes, doctor? Nurse, when did you come on this case? Three hours ago. Three hours? Well, I'd like you to brief me on the situation since you got here. Appetite? Not very good. Only three lamb chops, a baked potato, and for dessert, a big, juicy apple. Well, that sounds like a lot. No, I usually eat more. Nurse, I didn't mean you. I meant the patient. Oh, him? Yes, him. What did Mr. Benny get? Three lamb chop bones, a potato skin, and an apple core. The apple core she threw at me. Perhaps she was over-anxious. You know, feet are cold and starved of fever. Well, I have both. I have a cold and a fever. I have two shows, too. Take that thermometer out of your mouth. I put it there. I thought it would keep him quiet. Oh, thanks, Mary. Now, Mr. Benny, the first thing I want to do is give you an injection. Pull up your sleeve. All right, doctor. Wait a minute, doctor. Why are you standing there in the corner, tying those feathers to the hypodermic needle? I can't stand the look of pain on your face, so I'll throw it from here. You're not going to throw that... Ow! Not to prescribe as soon as I complete the examination. Now, open your mouth while I adjust this reflector on my forehead. Now, I'll move it down over my eye and... Well, I never knew that before. Do what? This little hole. It's in the reflector. Oh, this is terrible. Why? Well, yesterday I sent a patient to the hospital. I thought the hole was in his head. Open your mouth, please. Why, dear? Oh, this is interesting. I've seen tongues with coats on them, but yours has a jacket. That's from the baked potato. How do you eat something? Now, doctor, I'm sick. Will you stop fooling around? Do something, will you? I'll have you up in no time. Just swallow these little round pills. There are 15 of them. 15 pills? Yes. Then take some water and swallow this little triangle. Wait a minute. What's that for? Well, we can't have those pills rolling all over your stomach. This triangle will rack them up. With your complexion, I'm not so sure. Well, I've had it up. You're the craziest doctor I ever saw. Now get out of here. Temper temper. Now get out before I turn the deposit you made up. You'll be the yacht. Well, I didn't think you'd recognize me with this chowder in my face. I ducked, you know. I wouldn't do that to you. You came over to return my $1,000 deposit. Well, now I'm not returning it. But, Mr. Curd, I'll just believe you. I didn't mean to hit you with the chowder. Give me the money. I'm not giving you the money. And you can stop licking the clams off my lapel. It'll do you no good. I know what I said. But now I'm not only going to keep your $1,000, but I'm suing you for a new suit. Oh, he's sound asleep. He isn't asleep. He fainted. Oh, good, good. Hand me the hypodermic needle. Nurse, you keep score. The greatest single cause of fires. Fires that claim thousands of lives and destroy property worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Help prevent these shocking losses. Be careful all ways with lighted matches and cigarettes and in every other way. Obey all fire regulations. Jack, we'll be back in just a moment. But first, To give you more, far more smoking enjoyment. Luckies pay more. Yes, at the tobacco auctions, Lucky Strike pays more, millions of dollars more than official parody prices for fine tobacco. Just imagine you're at a tobacco auction inside a huge warehouse with the aisles lined with baskets of mellow golden leaf. The auctioneer sings out the bids and as a basket of particularly fine leaf comes up for sale, the price climbs higher and higher. Time and again at the very top bid, you'll hear this old American and another basket of truly superior tobacco goes to the makers of Lucky Strike. Yes, L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike, with every puff, every pack, you'll get more, far more, real deep down smoking enjoyment. Remember to give you a finer, milder, more enjoyable cigarette. Luckies pay more, millions of dollars more than official parody prices for fine tobacco. So light up a Lucky. You'll agree, in all the world, there's no finer cigarette than Lucky Strike. $250 silk embroidered one you bought last week while you had amnesia. He sold it yesterday to gorgeous George. Who sees it when I wear it anyway?