 Hey learners, welcome back to Lauren Learns. I've got a masarachie coffee cup. Anyone else out there like this as much as we do? I think my husband and I go Well, it's an embarrassing amount, but we go through a lot. Yeah, 2019 Crazy. I don't know how we got here, but I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. You know me. I Was thinking a lot about friendships this year and how I've really come to Appreciate the grace over guilt and my friendships and I want to talk about that with you guys I have friendships a weird thing like you know when you're meeting new friends. It kind of feels like dating I don't know if it's just a girl thing or that flies to guys too But a lot of times when you're like at the playground with other moms and I'm speaking mostly for moms because I am one But it's like hey, do you like to do this like I do it just feels like you're on this weird blind date And then you exchange numbers and like you might talk to them again You might not But I've had a lot of friendships start that way and kind of fizzle out and not go anywhere And I always had a lot of guilt over that like I'm supposed to be everybody's best friend everyone to like me and That's just not how life was meant to be We were supposed to have our kind of chosen few friends that like are our blood friends that are Confidants we can tell anything to and I'm so blessed that I actually I have those kinds of friends And then we're supposed to have the acquaintance types that we call friends like more more of our Facebook friends mind you and And then you have people that you just know and you talk to you whenever you see them, but So I truly believe that people are just like doing we're just doing there our best like we're just trying to live a good life a lot of people are and Just being the best parents that they know how to be and I think friendships are the same I don't think people want to be crappy friends. I think we mostly try to be pretty good like We text we call we try to be intentional at least I do and I can only speak for myself But then there's these these seasons where people get busy and you don't see people as often And I would I'd have like incredible guilt and I would feel Like I wasn't measuring up to be the kind of friend that they needed and I would kind of just want to back out of their life But so I would say I'm a recovering people pleaser. That's that's pretty accurate description of of me I used to get like mommy played it invitations. I'd say yes to all of them. I was letting my house suffer I was letting time with my husband suffer. I was even really Only going to play dates, so I didn't have to be around my kids it was easier to just talk to other moms because Momming was so hard in the beginning you guys for me It was like it was easier to just drink coffee and talk to other mom friends while the kids played I did this with people. I didn't even really Like and that's kind of sad because I missed out time with my kids. So Since all of that I've learned to really be intentional with the people I I know I can bless their life and they can bless mine and And it doesn't have to be about being an escape from my kids So then I went to the opposite extreme and I started scheduling all my time List out my responsibilities and my Google calendar and I I saw there was no time for friends And I tend to be kind of an all-or-nothing kind of person so um, I started cutting time for friendship out of my life and I really Had to see the hard way that that friendship is important and that we were meant for a community We were meant to do life together So it was during this time you guys and this is gonna sound crazy to some of you and some of you might not but it was during this time I found Jesus in a real way and I grew up in church and I had done all the religious things like you know The Sunday church and the Wednesday night church and all that and and I'd still not found him And it was during this really it was during this really quiet place That he found me. So Jesus became my new identity. I had identified with people for all of my life pretty much and they in friendship was my identity and It was so empty. It was because people are people right like people mess up people let you down People cancel on your plans and then there you are left alone Jesus Jesus found me. It's the weirdest thing, but it was so real and if you've never experienced it But then you do it's so real and no one could take that experience away from you So he he forgave me he learned he helped me learn how to forgive others and give grace to others And I don't think I would be where I am today obviously And have learned all that I have without him showing me that grace first. I'm trying to be a less selfish friend and Give more than I get and that can be very hard, but the friends that I have now you guys like They're they're people that I know that if we go a long time without seeing each other It's not a big deal like we're not gonna break up We're we're still gonna be we're still gonna be besties and we still communicate and text and all that But it's it's not like before where I had in that mommy play date period of seeing people all the time And I need to know everything about your life because my identity rests on this and that was so not healthy guys Like my gosh friendship could be a tough area for people If it friendship something you struggle with because you have a hard time putting yourself out there I say this year you go out there and you tell people what you're all about And you show them how awesome you were made and you show them the talents that you have to share with the world And you make new friends and if you have too many like I did because that's a real problem Because if you're spread too thin you can't be good to people if you have too many start picking the ones that you know You're supposed to be intentional with so that you can be a good Hearty friend people might get upset when you put boundaries on your time with them But you can't you can't help help people are going to react in your boundaries are important All you have to do is put yourself out there So until next time go get messy have fun learn. I can't wait to talk to you again