 Good man, Turg! I'm my the Turg! Thank you all! Like, there's no chance of me winning, my nose is blocking my eyesight. Wait, Kevin, give us the etymology of Turg. Turg's Matt. Turg good. That's about it. Kevin, I've just been informed, you've tagged the roundherty on Twitter. It's some child called Ryan Taylor, and he looks like he's 11. Sorry, Dan, you gotta go. We gotta get Ryan in here. Who's driving this fuckin' monster truck next to me? It's Turg! Go, Turg, go! How come you guys are so much faster off the start than me? When it goes 3-2-1, when it says to hold down the accelerator, just hold it down. This game's too complicated. Come on, Dan! I have to hold one! Nobody told me there'd be numbers. And then you want to use lighter vehicles because they have better acceleration. Oh, shit. And don't drive off the course. That also helps, too. Thank you. I wish you told me that like two minutes sooner. Okay, how do I use items? Okay, got it. All right, Turg, let's win this thing. How are you doing there, Turg? Turg's not doing so good. Yes! Yes! What do you think about the angle? Yes, I'm also here. Look, I'm drink driving. I should go slow. I'm being responsible. How much have you drank already, Kevin? Not enough. Fuck's sake, I ran into you! You're a loser. You're a bullet! I didn't come last! Kevin, you did it! We did it, boys! You did it! Yes! Wow, Sean, you must really suck at this game. I think this is the only time in history your opponents and Mario character cheery you are. They just feel sorry for you. You know what? I'm just going to have a nice time this time. Oh, lads. Who's in front right now? Because I've got a blue shell. Dahi's in front. He's really nice. He's been helpful. Kevin, please. I'll tell you when to use it, Kev. Use it now! Use it now! It's going! Turg's just happy to be involved. He just kept down the win, Kevin. Turg's just happy to have made an impact. You know what, Kevin? Our job right now is to just be funny because we're never going to win. I can't do that either. At two, Kevin, hold. At two? Hold it down, hold it down, hold it down! Ah, okay, now I understand. God damn you lot! In my screen, I hit you! Wait a sec, I hit you, Turg. Why? Turg did nothing. To a green shell backwards, the Turg was 11 points. By the way, we've had 11 races. I got disconnected from one. I would probably have 12 if I didn't get disconnected. That's true. When it says two, did you get it last time, Kevin? Yes, I got it, but Dan didn't. So if you can explain it to him... No, you can explain it to him now. When it gets to two, Dan, oh my God, he messed it up again. Down back here next to Brian, do you know how insulting that is? I have feelings, lads. No, no, no. Nothing, Mario Kart, we don't care. Sorry, Brian, come back to Turg. Turg won't make fun of you. Come back. Turg will make it all back. I really like the start of the race, because it feels like I'm really part of the race. Part of the whole thing. Guys, I got a blue shell. Tell me when to use it. No, not now. Use it now, use it now, Dan. You're giving me mixed messages. Anyone can get it, use it now. You're using it now? Okay, three, two, wait. Relax, all right? Okay, I'm using it. Relax, or I'll never use it. Okay, here we go. One, two, three. Here it comes. Get ready. That was a terrible time to use it. That was a terrible time. Look at that guy. Amazing. Who did it hit? Me. Here comes Turg. I just want to say God bless you. You beautiful, beautiful thing. Oh, he's so handsome. Very beautiful. No, no. A new personal best. Wave to the crowd, Turg. They love you. I think Turg's the real winner here. Thank you, I think so too. I'm my team, Turg. And we all are on team Turg. Dan, you accidentally shot at me. Sorry, Kevin. I don't think you are sorry. All right, you holding it? Did you hold it? Did you hold it? How many times do we have to tell you how to do it, Turg? At least once more, because it's not gone through yet. I don't think it'll ever be relevant to me, but how do you throw things backwards? I just appreciate the silence for a brief minute. Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg. Turg, Turg, Turg. Turg does not conform to your demand. Turg does not understand wheel. How is it supposed to drive? Everyone loves an underdog. Here comes Turg. Oh, come on. That's Turg on autopilot. Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg. Fuck you, Turg. Here you go, Turg. My chat is just the word Turg over and over again. It's nothing else. Turg, Turg, Turg. We're all cavemen here. After I said I did it for you, he does that. Oh, it happened. It was like a really brief second, but I saw first. Turg, you all right? I was going to say it sounds like Turg. Oh, guys, blue shell time. Don't choose a Turg. I'm secretly your father, Turg. Don't choose it. Wait, you created me? I'm going to kill you. How dare you. I keep... Turg, Turg, Turg. Did you just fall off? No, I'm good. Well, I'm not good, but I'm okay. It's what I'm trying to say. All right, we're going to the water park then. At the cake level though, it's pretty sweet. Oh, you. Do you see what I did there? All right, you can stay. We won't replace you at Ryan. You can stay right here. That's changed my mind. Somebody said at least Kevin was worse. I'm sending a really low bar for you guys. You're welcome. Ryan's a racist. We're all racists right now. Dan, it's me. It's Turg. Hey, Turg, how's it going? So sad. My self-esteem is pretty low right now. I just can't bring myself to tolerate you. Guys, I'm going to use my blue shell soon. No, don't. Yeah, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Okay, I'm using it. It's a democracy. Wait, I'm not in first. Use it. Use it. Sorry. It's already been used. You assumptuous little shit. You're really far away. I'm used to it. You all sound that way when I'm playing this game. That's in this game at proximity chat. Our voices are tiny. We never hear them. Turg miss out a voice. Blue shell, coming in. Fuck off. You came third? I was second for two seconds. You came third? Then suddenly I ran out of boost. And then you passed me. And then a little Beck and Irishman came out of nowhere. Which one of us? There's quite a few Irishmen. Yeah, you gotta be more specific. They're all the worst. Except Turg. Turg is such a traditional Irish name. I motivate myself by chanting Turg now. It reminds you that someone is doing worse. Look, Turg is just practicing social distancing. You all need to take a page out of Turg's book. Social distancing is easy when no one likes you. Two Turg, two furious, coming in. Two Turg, two furious. The fate of the Turg. I think we should start a petition. Get Turg into Super Smash Bros. Next character brought in. Introducing Turg. There's no cool animation. Just staring blankly into the camera. No movement. You know what? I'm changing the title of my stream to Turg. Making you do the Turg. You're missing out. No box art or anything. It's just Turg in handwriting. It's just a cardboard box. Will I use Blue Shell? Blue Shell. Turg, thank you for having the decency to these tasks. It bought me time. Turg have manners. Turg doesn't understand fire, but he understands common decency. The standard is so low in my chat. They're like, Turg finished. Because I actually reached the finish line. Yay, Turg. Yay, Turg. We are all right close together except for who? Except for who? Say it. Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg. Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg. Turg, Turg, Turg, Turg. I did it! I tarned it! I did it! Hey, there is no need for that, Bryan. I'm an asshole. Why did I do that? Four little Targ man. I feel like I just like beat a ten year old at a sport and just rubbed it in his face. I just red-shelled Targ on the finish line. Targ I'm gonna bite your ass. Any human contact would be nice for Targ. Come on! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Targ! Ooh, a banana. Ooh, a banana. Oh, wow! You just bought his Targ! Get him, boys. What did he do? Come on. You pushed him off the map. Show us where he touched him. Targ is like an action man. He's got nothing going on down there. Targ got a blue shell. Jesus. Targ! Targ! Blue shell! Targ! Targ isn't on the map enough to get a blue shell. All right. All the other races don't matter. Whoever wins this wins. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Here's my chance, boys. Targ shoots off at the perks. Targ's first is happening! Oh, my God. This is how it feels. I got too excited about Targ's feeling at first. Targ. Targ's time. Targ. Targ. You can't. No! It's Targ time. Let's go, Targ. Let's go, Targ. Bullshit, either. He's just genuinely better at it than us right now. No. How did I come to the last all of a sudden? Wait. I'm getting my second win. No! Go, Targ! If you're in second, I'll let you win, Targ. Let me win. Listen, you don't have a chance against Targ. I did it, boys. I legitimately tried. Oh, no. Duh. I've ruined it all. Literally the last corner and I just yeeted off the map. Yeah, he just fell off right at the end. For no reason. So much hope. Oh, my God. My chat's all praying for Targ. Look, there's one thing about Targ. He's consistent. Okay. It has to end on a Targ win. A 10-second head start. No, no, no. Give him a Targ-y second. He needs Targ-y second. A 30-minute head start. Nobody move. Is that the agreement? No, no, no. Okay, all right. 10 seconds. All right. Why? No, Targ, go! You said nobody move! Targ, I knew you were here! Oh, fuck's sake! I'm going for Targ. He's the villain of the piece. Get him. Here we go. No! I'm watching your stream. I'm watching his squad mode. Oh, my God. I have the great Jacksepticeye watching my stream. Targ, you've got to be better, Targ. I can't. That's the whole point of Targ. He's dead last, okay? Come on, Targ! Stop, stop, stop. Targ, party, Targ, party, Targ! Don't worry, I got autopilot on. Oh, my God. I did it. You guys are so shit. The moment that defined the general. I remember in the year 2020, I watched that caveman win a Mario Kart race. It was beautiful. Fair play to you, Targ. Let's go, Targ. Where were you when Targ won? We'll all remember it.