 I destroyed my family with my affair. As my last resort, I had to make my husband an offer he couldn't refuse. But I never expected he would use it to checkmate my life. When you cheat on a Sigma and offer him a queen to lure him back in, beware that he might be a master of the game. Warning, the following story will make cheaters rage quit. Hey there! Thank you for reading my post. I'm in a somewhat unique situation and wanted to see if anyone else has gone through something similar. I'm not the victim here by any means. The victims are my husband, my kids and my parents who are living with the burden of my past sins, for which I am truly sorry. Let me be blunt. 19 months ago, I was caught having an affair with a married neighbor and father of three. I'm a 32-year-old female. My husband is 39 and the neighbor in question was 27 at the time. For confidentiality, I'll call the neighbor Steve, my husband John and myself Amy. As stated, I made a terrible mistake having the affair with Steve, which began a little over two years ago. While the affair lasted nearly five months before we were caught, I was only physically with Steve four times in total. I know readers here are not going to believe that, but I swear this to be true. Now to answer questions about my marriage that I know everyone reading this has. Were we having problems? Did I not love my husband? Was I unhappy? The answer is a resounding no to all. I was completely happy and fulfilled with my marriage and I love my husband and our two boys, ages 9 and 11, more than anything in the world. I was totally satisfied emotionally, mentally and physically by John. He was all I ever dreamed of and so much more. My misplaced attraction to Steve happened from a deep place that took me back to my first romantic encounter when I was 18. It was a feral attraction. Just like my first time. In high school, I dated four boys, but nothing serious beyond a quick kiss at the end of the night. In fact, I viewed all those guys as friends since we all grew up together. Then one day I was invited to go to a barbecue that my friend's parents were having. There I met Charles. Charles was my friend's cousin. From the first time I saw him, I was taken. At the time, he was 20 and I was 18. From the moment we met, we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I don't know what it was, but there was just something between us that drew me to him like a magnet to metal. We started talking at the barbecue and he had to leave for work so we exchanged numbers. The following day, Sunday, we met for ice cream in the evening and took a walk. We talked for hours, totally immersed with each other and just spontaneously started kissing each other. He invited me back to his apartment and there I had my first experience. It was magical, better than I ever dreamed. Something about Charles just excited me and made me want to give him every part of me. To this day, I can't describe it. It was subconscious. I couldn't resist. Beyond the physical relationship, we had absolutely nothing in common. In fact, we were actually incompatible. I broke it off with Charles 11 months later, after the passion wore off. A year later, I met my now husband, John. While Sparks didn't fly early on with him like they did with Charles, over time I developed a deep love for John that was beyond anything I had ever felt. He checked all of my boxes and I knew he was the one. We were married a year later and our marriage had been 13 years of joy until I destroyed it. We were blessed with two wonderful boys that are the spitting image of their dad and have his awesome personality. I've given you all these details because they are relevant to why I started the affair with Steve. Steve and his wife, call her Erica, moved into our neighborhood. They were the youngest couple in the development and were quickly welcomed by all the neighbors. Surprisingly, my husband and I are the second youngest couple with the rest being in their 40s, 50s, and a few in their 60s. Steve and Erica were invited to a neighborhood picnic and it was there that he and I first locked eyes. It was exactly the same vibe I got when I first locked eyes with Charles at that family barbecue so long ago. The next time I locked eyes with Steve was at the car dealership where he worked in finance. We were in the market for a new SUV so at the picnic was when my husband found out Steve worked at the dealership so they naturally started talking. We went the following week to look at cars. Steve made sure the salesman gave us a good deal and Steve got us great financing. Throughout the closing process, Steve and I were making eye contact with each other but my husband didn't notice. A few days later, I had to bring the vehicle back into the dealership to have mudflaps installed and it was there that Steve and I had our first inappropriate meeting. When he saw me in the lounge, he came out to greet me. He asked me to come back to his office as he had some additional information about the financing to discuss. We sat down and he got coffee for the both of us and we started chatting just like I did with Charles. He then just blurted out and told me that he wanted to speak to me alone to discuss how he was feeling about me. He said he felt such a vibe and said he noticed me glaring at him. I told him I feel something but it's wrong. He said he knew it was wrong but didn't care. He said he wanted me. Fast forward to the following morning when we had our first intimate engagement at his house after our kids went to school and our spouses left for work. By the way, my John has a good job and Erica is a licensed nurse. As I stated, Steve and I only had physical relations four times during the entire five month period. There was absolutely no love connection between us as I loved John and Steve loved Erica. What we had was just physical and I have to be honest, the physical part was not as good as what I had with my husband. Not even close but it was forbidden but it was thrilling and dangerous, I guess. Looking back now, I think being a stay-at-home mom for 11 years made me desperate for the attention I was getting from this attractive younger man. I just thought I could have this secret adventure for a while and still maintain a loving and fulfilling marriage with my husband. That thought all came to an abrupt end one Thursday morning, 19 months ago. It was then that Steve and I were caught in bed at his house by Erica's mother. She walked in on us while we were fully engaged and just started screaming obscenities. She first slapped and scratched Steve in the face leaving a large gash with her nails. She also hit me square on the jaw and pulled out two handfuls of my hair before I could gather my clothes and get out of the house. When I got back to my house, I was in total shock at what just happened and the reality of what I had done set in. I knew my fairytale marriage with John was changed forever and could end because of this. I sat silent for a couple hours just staring at the walls wondering what I was going to tell my husband. I then decided to call him and left an urgent message. I said that I had something very important I needed to discuss. He didn't respond so I texted him and still got nothing back. At this point I knew that Erika or possibly even Steve had likely gotten to him. A few minutes later Erika and her mother showed up on our front porch and started banging on the door and on the bay window screaming for me to answer. I didn't. They were yelling obscenities and said they knew I was in there and demanded me to open up. I was scared beyond belief and thoroughly embarrassed. Thankfully my boys were at school they finally left and I laid down on the couch crying. I fell asleep briefly and was awakened by the sound of a car door in the driveway. I looked out and saw my husband. I ran into the bathroom to splash my face and look into the mirror before going back into the living room to greet him when he opened the door but he didn't enter. Instead I saw out the window that he was walking down the street towards Steve and Erika's house. I watched him as he walked down there and entered where he stayed for nearly three hours before coming home. When he came home I went to hug him and he just kept me away. I then started apologizing and he said that my apology was not accepted and he wanted me to leave now. I fell to the floor crying and begging and told him I didn't want to go but he insisted. He then called my mother on the phone and told her what I'd done and asked her to come over and pick me up. When she arrived she apologized to Steve and forcibly convinced me to go back to her house for the night. She then helped me pack some clothes and I left crying asking John what he was going to tell the kids. He said he would take care of it and I left broken hearted and ashamed. That night I called John and to my surprise he answered. When he did he just said hello and went silent. I told him it was me and that I was so sorry and that I would never do something like this again. I also told him that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him. John said nothing and just asked me if I had anything more to say. I said no and asked him what he was feeling. He told me, you know what I'm feeling and I started crying. He then said he wanted me to stay at my parents' house for a couple weeks before I came home. I reluctantly agreed but asked when I would get to see him and the boys again. He said he doesn't want to see me now but agreed to have a brief call with me every evening at 9pm. We ended that first call with me saying I love you and John saying nothing just hanging up. Our call the following night went the same with me apologizing and John being silent until I quit talking. He then told me that he wants a divorce. Hearing this I melted and begged him for another chance. He refused and said he knows he'll lose half his hard-earned assets. Then in the next breath he said he'd give me everything he owns if I just disappear and leave him and the boys alone. I broke down and told him you don't mean that John and he said that yes he does. We ended the call and I cried all night. I then started thinking of what I could do to make him stay and came up with a plan to offer him a post-nuptial agreement that would be so favorable he couldn't refuse it. All I wanted was to get a second chance to prove my love to him no matter what the cost. The following week while John was meeting with his divorce attorney I was meeting with a divorce attorney myself not to prepare for divorce but to create a post-nuptial agreement to present to John before I received the divorce papers. I went to four different attorneys before I found one who specialized in post-nuptial agreements and who was willing to create such a lopsided agreement. Lopsided in the sense that my husband would receive nearly all of the benefit in exchange for remaining married to me for a period of time thus giving me a second chance at love. Unfortunately John's attorney completed the divorce papers in just 11 days and I was served at my parents' house. Two days later I had John served with the proposed post-nuptial agreement. We talked that night after he read the proposal. He was a little surprised at what I had offered and for the first time I could sense the caring person I once knew coming through not the angry man who had been so robotic and cold for the past two weeks. Financially and personally the agreement is a complete and total win for John and an opportunity for me to prove to him I'm worth keeping. I'm not going to get too specific on what the post-nuptial contains but I will confirm that it does enable John to keep nearly all of our marital assets if we stay married and living together for at least 30 months. Additionally if I were ever to be unfaithful again and we divorce I lose all claims on our marital assets I get nothing and forgo any alimony and child support payments. The agreement also calls for me to get a full-time job within the next six months and begin contributing to an appropriate share of our household expenses. Finally my husband can see other women if he chooses throughout the remainder of our marriage. I know John would never be unfaithful it's not in him but I want him to know I love him enough to give him this option. To my surprise and delight John accepted the offer with one additional stipulation the clause John wanted added stated there is no requirement for us to sleep together or to have any type of marital intimacy during the remainder of our marriage I was saddened and hesitant to agree to this but finally did as I felt that with time I would win back his respect, trust and love. Things have not gone as I thought and that's why I'm here. We are now 17 and a half months into our second marriage as I call it and our relationship is one of being housemates raising our boys. Don't get me wrong I thank God every day for the second chance I've been given love wouldn't qualify as a marriage it's more like we are two divorced people cohabitating. Since my affair John has shown absolutely no affection towards me whatsoever and I mean nothing not even a kiss or a hug he won't let me near him to express any type of affection although I do get in for a hug and kiss occasionally before he can block me but I can tell he doesn't like it so I don't do it very often even so he requires me to submit to monthly at home STD testing. Also since the affair John will not go out in public with me even to family events. When our boys have games we alternate who takes them. When it's my turn John shows up at the games but doesn't sit with me. Instead he normally stands on the sidelines with other fathers and acts like I'm not there. The only time we go out together is when we go out of town or on vacations which we do often. When we travel he orders adjoining rooms between two queen beds each. The boys stay in one room and we stay in the other in separate beds. I look forward to every trip as these are the times we are closest and where I've almost broken through to him. I've pointed this out to John and have suggested moving from our neighborhood as I know if we did we could start anew. John refuses and says the only way he will move from the neighborhood is if he gets a job promotion which requires him to relocate. If not he plans to stay in our current home until our boys graduate high school. The boys don't want to move either as all their friends live within a half mile of our house as does all of John's friends. Talking about friendships since the affair I've lost all the friendships I had in our neighborhood. Steve and Erica divorced 8 months after D-Day but Erica and her kids still live in the same house down the street. All the neighborhood women I was once so close to have basically cut me off and blame me for breaking up their family. As such, my home has become a prison of sorts as when I'm here I never go out front and just stay inside or in my backyard tending to my gardens. My boys are always out in the neighborhood or they have their friends over at our house including Erica and Steve's kids. Thankfully nothing has really changed much in their little world. John does the same. He's good friends with all the neighborhood men the guys are either over at our house smoking cigars and sipping bourbon at night on our back porch or he's at one of their homes. John basically goes to work then to the gym and then comes home. He fixes himself something to eat and then it's off to a game or practice or he's socializing with friends. He doesn't eat dinner with us and will not eat anything I make anymore although he did sneak a few cookies I made the other day. On the weekends he fires up the grill and only eats none of my dishes. The weekday dinners I have with my boys have been a great bonding experience for us. They like to eat shortly after getting home from school so the three of us normally have dinner around 4 p.m. I have everything prepared and they set the table help me with final food prep then help clean up after dinner. I cherish this time as it has really brought us closer and has taught them valuable skills. They even help me in the garden where we have created an awesome space in our backyard with landscaping. So in summary some things in my life are really great while some aspects are just awful. I guess this is just a long way for me to ask whether you think this marriage is worth continuing as is or if I should just let John go now and give him the financial benefit as if he'd stayed with me. I know deep down he's not happy. How could he be? It's clear he no longer views me as his wife or lover just as a co-parent which we are both great at by the way. I love John so much and will carry the ugly burden of what I did to him for the rest of my life. I want nothing more than to get back to the loving relationship with him I once had but I don't think he will let us go there. Let me know what you think I should do. I'd really appreciate any suggestions anyone has for how I could successfully earn back the love and trust of my husband after betraying him so brazenly. Thank you. Amy I think in your case what will draw your husband back to you is distance. You should stay married but separate for a while. Rent an apartment somewhere nearby so you can still have that quality time with your boys. As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder and I think John will quickly realize this. I do hope you work things out as you seem so well matched. If you really love your man as you say you will set him free and allow him to keep the majority of the fortune he built. You've already taken his pride and dignity and destroyed his soul isn't that enough for you? He'll never trust you again because you are untrustworthy. If another Charles or Steve should cross your path in the future you'll do the same damn thing. It's clear that you are physically attracted to a certain type of man also that you are mentally attracted to a certain type of man with Charles and Steve being the former and John the latter. In your 20s and 30s that physical attraction is much more powerful but I assure you in time the mental attractiveness and love of a good man like John is far more important. Hang on to him if not for your own sake as growing older peacefully and for your own interests. Women like you are the reason I've not yet married it amazes me how you can go for years being a loyal wife and then immediately hop in the sack with any strange man that gets your tropicana flowing I just don't understand this I encounter beautiful women all the time but I would never think of doing anything with them because I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend good grief. First update, seven weeks later I've come back to give an update on my situation last month I took the advice that a number of you gave me and decided to move out of the house for a while to give our marriage some space I got a short-term rental on a nice furnished apartment nearby and have been living there ever since while I miss not being in the same house as my husband and boys and miss my garden it has been a relief getting out of that neighborhood there are just so many terrible memories and bad vibes there which I know are my fault I'm not excusing in any way what I caused when I broke the news to John of my decision he seemed surprised and a little saddened and asked a lot of questions his reaction told me a lot it told me that he still loves me I saw it in his eyes I pick up my boys after school and they come here and eat dinner with me and spend the night a few days a week John and I are flexible on that and they can come and go as they please at either place the real issue I have now is that since I'm out of the house I don't get to see John much at all nor am I in a position where I get to talk to him so I end up calling him asking stupid questions multiple times a week just so we can keep in touch we've had a number of long conversations about everything and nothing at all recently which is another indication that he still loves me I know I love him that's all for now thanks and take care final update five months from last update I've delayed coming back to update as I wanted to give time to enable me to provide a complete perspective to my situation what a journey talk about a roller coaster life definitely has its ups and downs first the downside after two years into our second marriage John decided that it would be best for us to divorce John said while he still loves me he would probably reestablish a romantic relationship at some point in the future he just can't do it while we're married I don't understand what he means but he explained it's something psychological he said while we were still married he feels disrespected and betrayed but after we divorce he thinks he can let those feelings go he said it would be like dating again and promised me we would go out to celebrate our divorce the day it's final and possibly spend the night together I know this sounds like a crazy ploy to divorce me without guilt on his part but I'm up for it if it means I can keep this man in my life as my partner, lover and friend if we do reconnect John made it clear we will never get remarried he feels if we truly love each other a binding contract isn't necessary I agree with that statement but I do wish there was some way he could do this without divorcing me as for the divorce I'm voluntarily letting him keep 75% of our marital assets even though he didn't fulfill the stipulations in the post-nup I'm also not going to pursue alimony or child support from him I know there are women out there who are going to read this and chide me for being so giving but I feel he earned the money and would have given all of his fortune to me if I had remained faithful to him I'm at peace with this decision even with the reduced settlement I'll be able to live comfortably for the next 8 or more years without working but now I am actually working so I'm in an even better place there in closing I just want to thank those who sent me responses you don't know how much your words guided my actions and helped me through this difficult time before I sign off here I wanted to give some advice to women out there who have difficulty controlling temptation as I obviously do my advice to you resist don't do it the thrill is not worth the risk if you feel you can't keep yourself in check seek professional help I can assure you from experience the short term high is not worth the long term loss of love, respect and trust my best to you all that brings us to the end of Amy's story she said she loves her husband and two kids but that love wasn't strong enough to overcome her feelings of lust actions speak volumes stories like hers do you think that John knew what he was doing I'm sure he did and he was strong willed all the way through he does sound like a strong man willing to endure the betrayal to end up on top in the end or do you think he really was giving Amy a second chance I wish we had his side of the story but we don't unfortunately I'm curious to know what you think share it down below thank you for staying till the end you're the one I make these episodes for don't forget to find the like buttons vacuum and flip the suck function to blowing see you in the next one