 Good health to all from Rexall! It's the Phil Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family druggists. This is your Rexall family druggist here to say good evening and welcome from the 10,000 independent druggists who have made the word Rexall part of our own store names. You've learned to know us by the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows, but our most important identification is that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company. In millions of American homes, these products are household words like plenimons for example, Rexall's famous multivitamin capsules. Just two plenimen capsules daily give you more than the daily minimum requirement of every vitamin for which such requirements have been established. Plus, valuable liver concentrate and iron. And it's quality like that that we family druggists are talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall! And now your Rexall family druggist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos and Whitfield, Walter Sharf and his music yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. Phil and Alice have just seen their children in their first school play. While they're waiting outside the school for Phyllis and Alice to come out, they are proudly discussing their children's talent. Oh, honey, weren't our kids great? I never saw such a terrific acting job. They were positively out of this world. They made that play. If they had... Now, easy, Father, easy. There were other children in the play, you know. Well, naturally, our kids need stooges. I mean, every star needs a stooge. I guess you're right. It's like us. I couldn't possibly do my radio show without you. Well, that's a fine way to talk to the man who took you when you were nothing but a movie star and in eight short years made you into a successful household drudge. That's the thanks I get for taking you from fleeting prominence into permanent obscurity. I should think at least that you would... Well, how do you do, Mrs. Harris? Oh, hello, Miss Miller. Phil, this is the children's teacher. Miss Miller, this is Mr. Harris. How do you do? Charmed, to be sure. You know, I've been anxious to meet you, Miss Miller. I want to compliment you on the way you've been learning our kids. Thank you, Mr. Harris. I learn them as best I can. Yeah, well, of course, my kids have an advantage over other children. You see, I assist them every night with their homework. Oh, well, their news is the one what helps them with their grammar, Anches. Alice, we've got to get our kids out of this school quick. Why? This game just split a subjunction. Miss Miller, I thought the play was excellent. Don't you think our children did exceptionally well? Oh, yes. I thought all the children did very well. You thought the other kids were as good as ours? Yes, I did. Oh, Cleetus, you better keep away from them blackboards. The chalk dust is clouding your specks. Good as ours. Look, teacher, I want you to know that my... Daddy, I was so good in that play, I'm going to be a movie star. They want to sign me to our contract. Wait a minute, wait a minute now. Take it easy. What are you talking about? A talent scout from 20th Century Fox saw me in the play, and he wants to put me in pictures. He gave me this card, and he said he's coming over to see you this afternoon, and he wants you to sign a contract. I'd hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it a minute now. Let me see that card. Hey, Alice, Phyllis is on the level. This guy is a talent scout from 20th Century. Oh, he's just wonderful. I don't know. Phyllis, does he want little Alice too? No, he just wants me. Oh, Phyllis, this isn't so good. It might have an effect on little Alice. Well, why? She ain't going to begrudge your sister a picture career. She ain't no ham. Well, soon find out. There she is. Alice, Alice, come over here, dear. Are you calling homely little no talent me? Honey, don't talk like that. I'm sorry this happened. Oh, don't fret about me, mother. I don't mind not being a movie star. I'll join the French foreign legion or something. Now, look, baby, you were very good in the play, too. Wasn't she, Phyllis? Yes, Mommy. In fact, I think she was just as good as you were. Don't you, Phyllis? Oh, I wouldn't go that far. Now, wait a minute, Phyllis. You just wait a minute. I think she was just as good, too. And, Alice? Now, look, baby, Alice, I don't want no jealousy in this family. Now, shake your sister's hand and wish her luck. Very well. Good luck, Phyllis, dear. Thanks, Alice. I'm sorry it couldn't be you, but... Shame on you trying to hurt your sister. She's just jealous because I'm prettier. You are not. I am, too. You are not. Wait a minute. And I do not. Now, come on, Alice, let's get home so we can be there when that talent scout comes over with the contract. Hey, Phyllis is going to be a big star. Oh, that lucky little kid. She's just chock full of beauty and talent, and she gets it all from her father. Oh, Curly, that blue blood line of yours. Younger than springtime, am I? Softer than starlight, am I warmer than winter? What do you want? I'm supposed to sing first this week. Oh, okay, go ahead. And I was getting into this one so smoothly, just like Dorothy Kirsten. Let's take an old-fashioned walk. I'm just bursting with thought. A tale could be told if we went for an old-fashioned walk. Let's take a stroll to the park, down a plain where it's dark. And a heart that's controlled may relax on an old-fashioned walk. Or a couple who seem to be miles apart. Decline couldn't make up his mind. He was wrapped up in salt coming home from an old-fashioned walk. Some couples go for a buck, deriring a lot. When you haven't a suit, there's only one thing to do. I'm just bursting with thought. What a tale could be told if we went for an old-fashioned walk. I know a boy who declined couldn't make up his mind. He was wrapped up in salt coming home from an old-fashioned walk. Gee, honey, just think. Phyllis' name will be up there in lights. I can see the sign now, Little Miss Marker starring Phil Harris' daughter. Honey, she's going to be the biggest thing to... Well, I don't want her to be in pictures. Well, that's all right if she don't want to... What? What do you mean you don't want her to be in pictures? This is her chance to be famous and make maybe $5,000 a week. She'll be rich. Honey, I don't care about the money. I'd rather have Phyllis poor, but normal like other children. You can have Alice. She's a poor, normal child. I'll take Phyllis the one who's rich and abnormal. Gee, honey, this is the chance of a lifetime. She... uh-oh, that must be that talent scout now. I'll talk to him. I know how to get around these guys. How do you do, sir? It's a pleasure to meet you. Anybody can see by looking at you that you're a smart, capable, intelligent... It's me, Phillip. ...doll, stupid, no-talent... No, it's the Cub Scout. The weak-chin Willy is here. Hey, Willy, have I got news for you? Phyllis is going into pictures. Why, that's wonderful. I always knew she had ability. Of course she has. After all, uh, I'm, uh, her father. Bless her for overcoming that obstacle. Obviously the child got her talent from her mother. Alice was a great actress in pictures. Oh, thanks, Willy, but I wasn't a great actress. Oh, yes, you were. No, I wasn't. Yes, you were. Willy, did you see your sister in Fallen Angel? No, I didn't. Well, I did. Let this girl talk. She wasn't that bad. Wasn't that bad, huh? That was the only picture ever made that was turned down by television. I want my child in pictures. She's too young, and that's final. But honey, don't you see what it... Oh, well, that's probably the talent scout with the contract. What'll I tell him? Blame it on me. Tell him I won't sign because... because, well, tell him she's not really a child. She's a lot older than she looks. All right, I'll tell him. Sorry, mister, but my wife don't want to sign no picture contract because she's a lot older than she looks. True. She can always play character parts. Maiden acts, grandmother... All right, Frankie, all right. Old ladies, old men. Gad, you're married to a versatile woman. Now, wait a minute, Remly. I'm not talking about my wife. She's not too old for pictures. I'm talking about a little fella. She's too old. Curly, do you mind if I smell your breath? Okay, if it'll put you on your feet. Do you understand, Remly? I made a mistake. I thought you were the talent, Scott, who's coming over to sign Phyllis for pictures. Hey, do you mean it? Yeah. Little Phyllis, my godchild will be a movie star. Yeah. Gee, that's what I always wanted her to be. And with me, Handler Nurse, she'll go places. Just think she'll have her name up in lights. I can see the sign now. Little Miss Marker starring Frankie Remly's godchild. Remly already had a sign made. Oh. It ain't gonna do either of us any good. You see, her mother won't let Phyllis go into pictures. What has she got to say about it? I've already given my permission. But Frankie, don't just... Well, don't stand there. Get the child of the studio. Get her in front of the camera. Quiet on the set! Well, we shot that scene fast. Who's she working for? A monogram? All right. Frankie, Alice don't want Phyllis to work because, well, because Phyllis is too young. You're never too young to go to work. You got a big investment in that kid. She's been sponging off of you since the day she was born. When's she gonna start paying you back? Remly, Phyllis is five years old. That's what I mean. How long is she gonna keep stalling? Frankie, parents don't expect kids to pay them back. They paid mine back when I was a kid. In cash? No, not in cash. But when I was 12, I ran away from home and in appreciation, they canceled the debt. I don't owe them a dime. Okay, so you don't owe them. Frankie, I want Phyllis to go into pictures but Alice absolutely refuses to let her work. Well, the government ain't gonna like this. They insist that kids go to work. That's why Congress passed that bill. What bill? The child labor law. Make them labor while they're a child. That's the law. You don't know nothing. Well, I want the kid to work, but Alice ain't gonna allow him. Well, Curly, you can't just give in to Alice like this. It ain't manly. You're right. I ain't afraid of my wife. I'll sign Phyllis to that contract and I'll make Alice like it. How? I'll sign it, but I won't tell her about it. That's telling her, Curly. Oh, you're not going to tell her. Well, come on. Let's wait outside and get this talent scout before he comes in the house. And let me handle the details. As Phyllis's agent, I'll get her a good deal. Okay. You know, Frankie. What's that? You don't know what it means to be a father. I'm proud of Phyllis. She's a beautiful kid. The old master painter did a great job on her. The old master painter is... All right, Curly. All right. Don't drag it out. Put the frog to work. Old master painter from the far away hills Painted the violets and the daffodils He put the purple in the twilight haze And did a rainbow for the rainy days Grieved up the murals on the blue summer skies Painted the devil in my darling's eyes Captured the dreamer with a thousand thrills The old master painter from the far away hills Then came his masterpiece and when he was through He smiled down from heaven and he gave me you What a beautiful job on that wonderful day The old master painter from the hills far away He paints the murals on blue summer skies He paints the love white in my darling's eyes Old master painter from the far away hills Painted the violets and the daffodils He put the purple in the twilight haze And did a rainbow for the rainy days Grieved up the murals on the blue summer skies Painted the devil in my darling's eyes Captured the dreamer with a thousand thrills The old master painter from the far away hills Then came his masterpiece and when he was through He smiled down from heaven and he gave me you What a beautiful job on that wonderful day The old master painter from the hills far away Far away, far away From the- Sit down a minute, mommy wants to talk to you Yes, mommy Now look, Phyllis I don't want you to go into pictures because Well, I'm thinking of your happiness A star's life is not all glamour There'll be heartaches, sacrifices, and suffering I know, mother But one must experience all of life's emotions If one is to become a great actress Oh, get a load of this little ham bone Make you my stand-in Mommy, can I please kick her in the shins just once? No, no, girl, stop it Look, Phyllis If you're in pictures, there are a lot of things you'll have to give up First of all, you won't be able to go to your school I'll be willing to suffer through that There are other things You won't have time to play with your friends You'll have to get up early in the morning And you'll have to go to bed very early every night Oh, I don't mind if I- Did you say I have to go to bed early every night? I mean, I can't see hop along Cassidy on television That's right Then I ain't gonna do it Thanks, Phyllis, you're a good girl Now, all we have to do is talk your father out of it And I think I know a way When your daddy comes back, Phyllis I want you to make him think this has gone to your head Make him think that you are very impressed with your own importance Act as though you were- You know something I gotta admit, it was a stroke of genius on your part Oh, how you handled that, Clyde Oh, you- You know something, this contract that I just signed for Phyllis Is gonna make her a star in no time And thanks to me, it's ironclad Yeah Happy broken If I say so myself, I'm a pretty good agent Now, Alice, I'll have to let her get through with it Yeah, come on, let's go in and tell her Yeah, you bet Hey, Alice Hey, Alice, where are you? I got great news for you, honey You're gonna really love- Quiet, Phil Not so loud or you'll awaken our little starlet She left orders not to be disturbed What do you mean she left orders? Wake her up, wake her up, I got some- I'm not allowed to do that, Phyllis Oh, here comes our little darling now Oh, Phyllis, I want to talk to you Ah, the calories are in bloom again Alice, you better look at this kid, she's got a bone in her throat Your shouting will shatter my precious little nerves And I'll be in no condition to make my cinematic debut Now just a minute, you cut that out Or I'll take you across my knee And wail the daylouts out of your little debut Hold it, Curly You so much as lay one finger on my little client Who's gonna pay me 10% And I'll punch you right in the nose You stay out of this, Remly I'll handle my kid Now look, baby, just because you're going into the movies Don't let it go to your head I want you to remain my- My own sweet little Phyllis Father, please The name is now Ingrid Ingrid Ingrid Harris No Ingrid LaRue Ingrid LaRue I like that You would, it sounds like a swede strip teaser Now wait a minute, there's nothing wrong with the name Harris It's good enough for me and it's good enough Any good to argue Ingrid has made her mind up Oh, and by the way, Ingrid wants you to make reservations for her on the Queen Mary The Queen- What for? She's going to Stromboli to make a picture Oh, fine Fine First my name ain't good enough for Now the United States ain't good enough Look, Phyllis, you stop acting like a spoiled brat Because when you go to school tomorrow, the kids- Ooh, there'll be no more of that Oh, yes there will You're still going to school But Father, I can't now that I'm a movie star What's that got to do with it? Does Betty Davis go to school? Does Joan Fontaine go to school? Does Charles Boyet go to school? Which reminds me, Father Called chef, we must have him for lunch tomorrow Listen to me No kid of mine is going to act like this If going into pictures does this to her, I don't want no part of it Do you mean that, Phyllis? I certainly do If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a precoctuous kid She ain't going into pictures But Curly, you signed the contract You talked me into it too And now you're going to get us out of it Now go over to that studio and get them to break that contract You better not come back here, Goldstone Well, Curly, took a lot of talking But I finally got the studio to release Phyllis from her contract Well, thank goodness There's one thing I can't stand It's having my kid act the way that Phyllis was acting Did you have any trouble making release Phyllis, Frankie? No, no Not the way I handled it All I had to do was make one little concession Well, that was worth it What was a concession? I showed him a picture of Little Alice and they signed her up instead Oh, no! Oh, no! Now Little Alice is going to be in pictures? I'll tell her, Lily, you'll die Alice and Phyll will be back in just a moment But first, here's your Rexall family druggist I wonder what's the most common under-the-weather complaint in the average family Well, I know what it is in mine Acid indigestion and plain old sluggishness You know, I was sure that's what you were going to say And I'm also sure That's why so many millions of bottles of Rexall Milk of Magnesia Are on hand right now in family medicine cabinets Do you recommend Rexall Milk of Magnesia? Me and 10,000 other family druggists You see, ma'am, the wonderful thing about Rexall Milk of Magnesia is That it's both a quick-acting antacid and a thoroughly effective yet gentle laxative What's more, Rexall Milk of Magnesia is free from unpleasant earthy taste Say, my family will be glad to know that Then why not convince them? Believe me, ma'am Rexall Milk of Magnesia is so pure, so creamy, smooth and thoroughly mild That even a child can spot the difference If acid indigestion or sluggishness is your family's number one complaint And it is Try Rexall Milk of Magnesia 10,000 family druggists will tell you You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall Good health to all from Rexall I just called the studio and told them that both Alice and Phyllis are too young for pictures And you're absolutely right, honey I don't think so, Curly Your kids are destined to be actresses They are? Of course It's incumbent upon them to carry on the glorious traditions of the theatre That were started by their illustrious father Oh, Frankie, stop it Let him alone Sing me another chorus of that Rondele, Rem I love them lyrics Oh, no Now his Cala Lilies are beginning to sprout How rally they are This program was produced and directed by Paul Phillips Included in today's cast was Lois Corbin The part of Frankie Remley was played by Elliot Lewis And Julius was played by Walter Tetley Alice Fay appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox Don't let a simple sore throat cause discomfort without trying this for relief At the first sign gargle with Rexall's famous MI-31 antiseptic Used full strength, Rexall MI-31 kills contacted germs in a few seconds What's more, Rexall gives you a full pint of MI-31 At the same price you pay for smaller quantities of other leading brands Ask for Rexall MI-31 wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window And remember, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall