 It sounds perhaps that you happen to watch the last Bob Hope television show I think we played about four different parts of it. Peter Lee, he played the part of the actress. If we all met Rose, I'd like to introduce her to you formally, however. The part is played by a very wonderful actress, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to have you all meet Nuria Landers. You've seen her on the television show. That's our writer-producer in there, Mr. Lou Derman. How about a hand sign? Wait a minute, I have the wrong episode. CBS now invites you to enjoy a comedy show created by Cy Howard, written and directed by Lou Derman, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. This week, Luigi received a letter from his mother, begging him to come home to Italy for a visit. In desperation, Luigi agreed to marry Pasquale's fat daughter, Rosa, after Pasquale promised to lend him money for the trip. Now we look in on Luigi as he writes to his mama, Vasco, in Italy. You want to get to your biggest wish, because your son, Luigi, is going to come home to see you. Is it true? I'm going to have to marry Rosa, and I don't like the fat girls. But with the money I make of my mamma Mia in one year, she's going to starve down to skinny. And my mamma Mia, as soon as Pasquale is going to bring me the money for the boat tickets, and then I'm going to go to the immigration man to get my go-to-home papers in my mamma Mia. Hey, Luigi, Luigi, stop scribbling. You've got to go downtown to see the immigration director. Well, I was just a grown-up, Pasquale. Good, good. Well, a little banana nose. As soon as you come back from Italy, you and Rosa are going to be standing in front of the preacher. He's going to roll you into one, eh? Pasquale, with her shape, I think Rosa can roll by herself. Good jokes. And that's going to make me angry today. How do you feel about going home? Excited, eh? Oh, Pasquale, since Alma got that letter, that's all I think about, seeing my mamma Mia. Sure, sure. I don't blame you, Luigi. We all only got to warn the mamma, you know. That's the law of supply and demand. Luigi, you ain't sorry about that deal we made? Pasquale, you want the real truth? You could lie a little bit. At the time, Luigi, it's the $200 for the boat tickets. Oh, thanks. Thank you, Pasquale. Never mind that. You thank me later with the 10 grandchildren. Oh! Sailing pays the statue a little bit. Are you a little cabbage-puss? That's right. That's right, Pasquale. And I'm going to take a long, long look at her. Eh? What for? Because when I'm going to come back, it's going to be good by liberty. Hello, Rosa. Now then, Mr. Baskold, you want to leave the country, huh? But just for a few weeks, Mr. Immigration, believe in me, believe in me, Mr. Immigration. I'm not going to be back before you even miss me. Yes, I'm sure you will. Now, let me see. You'll have to fill out form I-131. May 131. I-131. You? I... Mr. Immigration, I'm a filmati. Well, here is the form. Can you read English? Oh, sure. Let me see. Application for permette to Riente United States. Riente? That means come back. I am making out a form to come back if I didn't even want to enter. You have to have left to fill out this Riente form, but on your return, you'll need it to Riente, because logically, you can't get back unless you get out first. Can you? Mr. Immigration, maybe we trust each other, huh? You trust each other. What do you mean? Well, take good look out of my face. Then when I'm going to come back, you're going to meet me by the pot and let me in. A little impractical. Here, let me help you fill out the form. It's not really as complicated as it looks. Name and address? Hallelujah, basket 21 North, the whole street. Place of birth? Italy. Where in Italy? Inside. I mean, what town? Oh, it's Castellamare. Hmm. Who missed that? Well, you know how Italy is short like a little shoe, you know, like a boot, this? Well, Castellamare is just where the shoelaces are hanging down. Oh, it's a beautiful, beautiful town of Mr. Immigration. Right now, the grass is green and flowers all around and always the wonderful, the wonderful warm sun to make you glad to your life. It sounds delightful. Maybe you want to come back with me. Oh, no thanks. Oh, please, please say yes. Then I'm going to write to my mama. She's going to put up a big pot of spaghetti. By the time we get off the boat, is it going to be all ready? How long do you intend to remain abroad, Mr. Vasco? Why, you want me to bring you back or something? No, you see, if you remain abroad over six months, you lose the years you've built up toward citizenship in America. Well, I'm not going to stay abroad for more than six months. Well, I mean, for example, if you got sick while you were home. Why? You don't think that my mama is a good cook? A question, sir. Are you married, widowed or divorced? Half. Half married. Well, I'm only got a $200 down a payment. After the $2,000, the Pascuali's are going to pay me out after the wedding is over and then under 12 easy payments. He's going to give me the rest. Yeah, let's go on. I didn't hear you. Under what name were you admitted to the United States? Louis Dupasco. Port of arrival? New York. Accompanied by? Who accompanied you on the trip? And what were their names? Well, it was about the 600 cows and I don't remember the names. That'll be all. I'll have your reentry papers ready for you by tomorrow noon and you won't have any trouble getting back, so don't worry. Thank you. Thank you so much. Pleasure, Mr. Immigration. Now, maybe you tell me where I go for the boat tickets. Certainly. There's a travel agency, only three doors from this building. I'm sure they can fix you up. Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Immigration. Yes. I know these entry papers. They're going to be good, but just to make sure. I'm going to leave them. I'll pitch you here so you don't forget my face. America, I love you. You like a papa to me. Amanda, are you planning a trip? Excuse me, Mr. Traveler. Amanda, have you got a birth that's gone to Italy? Maybe in a half hour? In a half hour? Why don't you say 15 minutes? No, no, no, no, because of Mr. Traveler, I need a time to run almost a goodbye to Pasquale. Oh, that takes time. Well, of course it's you. How quickly you got a boat that's going to Castellamari, Italy? Friend, what's the hurry? I mean, why don't you enjoy a leisurely, relaxed tourist delight and sign up for one of our economical combined package tours? It gets you to Italy, but you'd enjoy a few delightful stopovers on the way. Wait, I'm going to stop over. San Francisco, Japan, Hong Kong, Rangoon, Birmingham, Iraq. What's the happen to Italy? We're on our way there, friend. We're on our way. My mama, she's a wetter than it for me. We go to Cairo, Tel Aviv, Istanbul, Athens, Venice, Naples, and then Castellamari. Please forget the boat. I think I get home afaster by working. Cover the manor. Maybe you got a boat where the captain is in all a little short to cut across the two. I do wish you'd take the combined package tour, so those side trips are really quite fascinating. The trouble is each side is 2,000 miles apart. No, no, not at all. No, no, not at all. Here, let's take a peek at this timetable here. Here we are. Tonight at all seats, you leave New York and arrive at your brawler six days later. You spend six heavenly days in Cordova, Seville, and Madrid just soaking in that glorious Spanish sunshine. Ladies and gentlemen, will you let me soak in Italy? We'll soak in Spain. Now, just bear with me, friend. After leaving Spain, prepare yourself for 12 fabulous, foolish, mad days along the exciting Riviera. That's where they wear those bikini bathing suits. And made they look terrible. I got to go to Italy. Believe me, my good man, this tour is a steal at $2,000. It is a stolen all right. Besides, I'm only got $200 to spend around the trip about the ways up and aback. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Only $200? Mister, you'd better go home and save up some money. You mean, you really mean that I can't see my mama with this? Well, that money, you couldn't see my brother-in-law. He lives in Hoboken. I'm going to go home. It's a very important to my mama. And I don't think Pasquale is going to lend me no more money. Well, I'm sorry, friend. I've already got the passport to see. Look, and the entry papers, I'm going to get tomorrow. Well, that's too bad, but there's nothing I can do. No, please, look, look, look. And this is a letter my mama sent to me from Italy. Go on, read this. Oh, really, I... Did you say this letter came from Italy? That's right. See, look, it's a 30-cent system. But look at the postmark. Read where it was mailed from. Chicago? Yes. Pulling your leg, friend. And look. And look, he's in a rush. I handed it out, and I'm... Oh, I should have recognized it before if I wasn't so excited. Well, be that as it may. I can still arrange an inexpensive tour of our own West Coast, if you wish. You'll see some of our country's greatest spectacles from the Grand Canyon to Death Valley. Death Valley? Would you like to go there? No, but I'm not going to send the Pasqualee there. Sit down. What's all the excitement? Pasqualee, how... how you could do this to me? I mean, I mean the letter. It's a big lie, Rosa never wrote this letter. This is to me, Pasqualee. I'm sorry, Louis. That's all you're going to say? I just wanted to make my daughter happy, Louis. I suppose it's all over now, eh? The wedding, the grandchildren. No grandchildren, eh? From me, you don't even get the one to grinch. Well, I tried, and I lost. That's all. So if you don't mind, I'll take back my $200. What the $200? What $200? Louis, jeez. Pasqualee, you promised to me I would see my mama, right? Yes, but I... Was it cost too much to round the trip or two ways? So I came to go see her. Good. So I sent her the money, and next summer, she's coming along the way to see me. Pasqualee, Muriel Landers is Rosa, Mary Schipp is Miss Spaulding, and John Dana is Schultz. Also heard were Jerry Hausner, Peter Leeds, Virginia Gregg, Hal March, and Herb Butterfield. Be sure to join us Monday at this same time for the further adventures of Luigi Basko and his friends in Life with Luigi. This is Bob LeMond speaking.