 Part 1 of the Portrait This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Fred Abras The Open Door and the Portrait Stories of the Seen and Unseen by Margaret O. Oliphant The Portrait Part 1 At the period when the following incidents occurred, I was living with my father at the Grove, a large old house in the immediate neighbourhood of a little town. This had been his home for a number of years, and I believe I was born in it. It was a kind of house, which, notwithstanding all the red and white architecture known at present by the name of Queen Anne, builders nowadays have forgotten how to build. It was straggling and irregular with wide passages, wide staircases, broad landings, the rooms large but not very lofty, the arrangements leaving much to be desired. With no economy of space, a house belonging to a period when land was cheap and so far as that was concerned, there was no occasion to economise. Though it was so near the town, the clump of trees in which it was environed was a veritable grove. In the grounds in spring, the primroses grew as thickly as in the forest. We had a few fields for the cows and an excellent walled garden. The place is being pulled down at this moment to make room for more streets of mean little houses, the kind of thing and not a dull house of faded gentry which perhaps the neighbourhood requires. The house was dull and so were we, its last inhabitants and the furniture was faded even a little dingy. Nothing to brag of. I do not however intend to convey a suggestion that we were faded gentry for that was not the case. My father indeed was rich and had no need to spare any expense in making his life and his house bright if he pleased. But he did not please and I had not been long enough at home to exercise any special influence of my own. It was the only home I had ever known but except in my earliest childhood and in my holidays as a schoolboy I had in reality known but little of it. My mother had died at my birth or shortly after and I had grown up in the gravity and silence of a house without women. In my infancy I believe a sister of my fathers had lived with us and taken charge of the household and of me but she too had died long long ago my mourning for her being one of the first things I could recollect and she had no successor. There were indeed a housekeeper and some maids the latter of whom I only saw disappearing at the end of a passage or whisking out of a room one of the gentlemen appeared. Mrs. Ware indeed I saw nearly every day but a curtsy, a smile a pair of nice round arms which she caressed while folding them across her ample waist and a large white apron where all I knew of her this was the only female influence in the house. The drawing room I was aware of only as a place of deadly good order into which nobody ever entered it had three long windows opening on the lawn and communicated at the upper end which was rounded like a great pay with the conservatory. Sometimes I gazed into it as a child from the doubt wandering at the needlework on the chairs the screens, the looking glasses which never reflected any living face. My father did not like the room which probably was not wonderful though it never occurred to me in those early days to inquire why. I may say here though it will probably be disappointing to those who form a sentimental idea of the capabilities of children that it did not occur to me either in these early days to make any inquiry about my mother. There was no room in life as I knew it for any such person nothing suggested to my mind either the fact that she must have existed or that there was need of her in the house. I accepted as I believe most children do the facts of existence on the basis with which I had first made acquaintance with them without question or remark. As a matter of fact I was aware that it was rather dull at home but neither by comparison with the books I read nor by the communications received from my school fellows did this seem to me anything remarkable. And I was possibly somewhat dull too by nature for I did not mind. I was fond of reading and for that there was unbounded opportunity. I had a little ambition in respect to work and that too could be persecuted and disturbed. When I went to the university my society lay almost entirely among men but by the time and afterwards matters had of course greatly changed with me and though I recognized women as part of the economy of nature and did not indeed by any means dislike or avoid them yet the idea of connecting them at all with my own home never entered into my head. That continued to be as it had always been when at intervals I descended upon the cool grave colorless place in the midst of my traffic with the world always very still well ordered. Serious the cooking very good the comfort perfect old Morpheus the butler a little older but very little older perhaps on the coldest old since in my childhood I had thought him a kind of metzola and Mrs. Ware less active covering up her arms in sleeves but folding and caressing them just as always. I remember looking in from the lawn through the windows upon that deadly orderly drawing room with a humorous recollection of my childish admiration and wonder and feeling that it must be kept so forever and ever and that to go into it would break some sort of amusing mock mystery some pleasantly ridiculous spell but it was only a rare intervals that I went home in the long vacation as in my school holidays my father often went abroad with me so that we had gone over a great deal of the continent together very pleasantly he was old in proportion to the age of his son being a man of sixty when I was twenty but that did not disturb the pleasure of the relations between us I don't know that they were ever very confidential on my side there was but little to communicate for I did not get into scrapes nor fallen love the two predicaments which demand sympathy and confidences and as for my father himself I was never aware what there could be to communicate on his side I knew his life exactly what he did almost at every hour of the day under what circumstances of the temperature he would ride and when walk how often and with what guests he would indulge in the occasional break of a dinner party a serious pleasure perhaps indeed less a pleasure than a duty all this I knew as well as he did and also his views on public matters his political opinions which naturally were different from mine what ground then remained for confidence I did not know any we were both of us of a reserved nature not apt to enter into our religious feelings for instance there are many people who think reticence on such subjects a sign of the most reverential way of contemplating them of this I am far from being sure but at all events it was the practice most congenial to my own mind and then I was for a long time absent making my own way in the world I did not make it very successfully I accomplished the natural fate of an Englishman and went out to the colonies then to India in a semi-diplomatic position but returned home after seven or eight years invalidated in bad health and not much better spirits tired and disappointed with my first trial of life I had as people say no occasion to insist on making my way my father was rich and had never given me the slightest reason to believe that he did not intend me to be his heir his allowance to me was not illiberal and though he did not oppose the carrying out of my own plans he by no means urged me to exertion when I came home he received me very affectionately and expressed his satisfaction in my return of course he said I am not glad that you are disappointed Philip or that your health is broken but otherwise it is an ill wind you know that blows nobody good and I am very glad to have you at home I am growing an old man I don't see any difference served said I everything here seems exactly the same as when I went away he smiled and shook his head it is true enough he said after we have reached a certain age we seem to go on for a long time on a plane and feel no great difference from year to year but it is an inclined plane and the longer we go on the more sudden will be the fall at the end but at all events it will be a great comfort to me to have you here if I had known that I said and that you wanted me I should have come in any circumstances as there are only two of us in the world yes he said there are only two of us in the world but still I should not have sent for you Philip to interrupt your career it is as well then that it has interrupted itself I said rather bitterly for disappointment is hard to bear he patted me on the shoulder and repeated it is an ill wind that glows nobody good with a look of real pleasure which gave me a certain gratification too for after all he was an old man and the only one in all the world to whom I owed any duty I had not been without dreams of warmer affections but they had come to nothing not tragically but in the ordinary way I might perhaps have had love which I did not want which was not a thing to make any unmoanly moan about but in the ordinary course of events such disappointments happen every day indeed they are more common than anything else and sometimes it is apparent afterwards that it is better it was so however here I was at 30 stranded yet wanting for nothing in a position to call forth rather envy than pity from the greater part of my contemporaries for I had an assured and comfortable existence as much money as I wanted and the prospect of an excellent fortune for the future on the other hand my health was still low and I had no occupation the neighborhood of the town was a drawback rather than an advantage I felt myself tempted instead of taking the long walk into the country which my doctor recommended to take a much shorter one high street across the river and back again which was not a walk but a lounge the country was silent and full of thoughts thoughts not always very agreeable whereas there were always the humours of the little urban population to glance at the news to be heard all those petty matters which so often make up life in a very impoverished version for the idle man I did not like it but I felt myself yielding to it having energy enough to make a stand the rector and the leading lawyer of the place asked me to dinner I might have glided into the society such as it was had I been disposed for that everything about me began to close over me as if I had been 50 and fully contented with my lot it was possibly my own want of occupation which made me observe with surprise after a while how much occupied my father was he had expressed himself glad of my return but now that I had returned I saw very little of him most of his time was spent in his library as had always been the case but on the few visits I paid him there I could not but perceive that the aspect of the library was much changed it had acquired the look of a business room almost an office there were large business like books on the table which I could not associate with anything he could naturally have to do and his correspondence was very large I thought he closed one of those books hurriedly as I came in and pushed it away as if he did not wish me to see it this surprised me at the moment without arousing any other feeling but afterwards I remembered it with a clearer sense of what it meant he was more absorbed altogether than I had been used to see him he was visited by men sometimes not of very prepossessing appearance surprise grew in my mind without any very distinct idea of the reason of it and it was not till after a chance conversation with Morphew that my vague uneasiness began to take definite shape it was begun without any special intention on my part Morphew had informed me that master was very busy on some occasion when I wanted to see him and I was a little annoyed to be thus put off it appears to me that my father is always busy I said hastily Morphew then began very oracularly to nod his head in ascent I did too busy sir if you take my opinion he said this startled me much and I asked hurriedly what do you mean without reflecting that to ask for private information from a servant about my father's habits was as bad as investigating into a stranger's affairs it did not strike me in the same light Mr. Phillip said Morphew a thing has happened as happens more often than it ought to master has got awful keen about money in his old age that's a new thing for him I said no sir begging your pardon it ain't a new thing he was once broke of it and that wasn't easy done but it's come back if you'll excuse me saying so and I don't know as he'll ever be broke of it again at his age I felt more disposed to be angry than disturbed by this you must be making some ridiculous mistake I said and if you were not so old a friend as you are Morphew I should not have allowed my father to be so spoken of to me the old man gave me a half austinist half contemptuous look he has been my master deal longer than he has been your father we said turning on his heel the assumption was so comical that my anger could not stand in face of it I went out having been on my way to the door when this conversation occurred and took my usual lounge about which was not a satisfactory sort of amusement its vanity and emptiness appeared to be more evident than usual today I met half a dozen people I knew and had as many pieces of news provided to me I went up and down the length of the high street I made a small purchase or two and then I returned homeward despising myself yet finding no alternative within my reach would a long country walk have been more virtuous it would at least have been more wholesome but that was all that could be said my mind did not dwell on Morphew's communication it seemed without sense or meaning to me and after the excellent joke about his superior interest in his master to mine in my father was dismissed slightly enough from my mind I tried to invent some way of telling this to my father without letting him perceive that Morphew had been finding faults in him or I listening for it seemed a pity to lose so good a joke however as I returned home something happened which put the joke entirely out of my head it is curious when a new subject of trouble or anxiety has been suggested to the mind in an unexpected way how often a second advertisement follows immediately after the first and gives to that a potency which in itself it had not possessed I was approaching our own door wondering whether my father had gone and whether on my return I should find him at leisure for I had several little things to say to him when I noticed a poor woman lingering about the closed gates she had a baby sleeping in her arms it was a spring night the stars shining in the twilight and everything soft and dim and the woman's figure was like a shadow flitting about now here now there on one side or another of the gate she stopped when she saw me approaching and hesitated for a moment then seemed to take a sudden resolution I watched her without knowing with a prevision that she was going to address me though with no sort of idea as to the subject of her address she came up to me doubtfully it seemed yet suddenly as I felt and when she was close to me dropped a sort of hesitating curtsy and said it's Mr. Philip in a low voice what do you want with me I said then she poured forth suddenly without warning or preparation her long speech a flood of words which must have been already and waiting at the doors of her lips for utterance oh sir I want to speak to you I can't believe you'll be so hard for your young and I can't believe he'll be so hard if so be as his own son as I have always heard he had but one I'll speak up for us oh gentlemen it is easy for the likes of you that if you aren't comfortable in one room can just walk into another but if one room is all you have in every bit of furniture you have taken out of it and nothing but the four walls left not so much as a cradle for the child or chair for your man to sit down upon when he comes from his work or a saucepan to cook him his supper my good woman I said who can have taken all that from you surely nobody can be so cruel you say it's cruel she cried with a sort of truth oh I know you would or any two gentlemen that don't hold with screwing poor folks just go and say that to him inside there for the love of God tell him to think what he's doing driving four crutches to despair some is coming the Lord be praised but yet it's bitter cold at night with your counter pain gone and when you working hard all day and nothing but poor bare walls to come home to and all your poor little sticks of furniture that you have saved up for and got together one by one all gone and you know better than when you started or rather worse for then you was young oh sir the woman's voice rose into a sort of passionate veil and then she added beseechingly recovering herself oh speak for us he will not refuse his own son to whom am I to speak who is it that has done this to you I said the woman hesitated again looking keenly in my face then repeated with a slight faltering it's Mr. Philip as if that made everything right yes I am Philip canning I said but what have I to do with this and to whom am I to speak over crying and stopping herself oh please sir it's Mr. canning as one all the house property about it's him that our court and the lane and everything belongs to and he has taken the bed from under us and the baby's cradle although it is said in the bible as you are not to take workbook's bed my father I cried in spite of myself then it must be some agent someone else in his name you may be sure he knows nothing of it of course I shall speak to him at once oh god bless you sir said the woman but then she added in a lower tone it's no agent it's one as never knows trouble it's him that lives in that grand house but this was said under her breath evidently not for me to hear Morpheus words flashed through my mind as she spoke what was this did it afford an explanation of the much occupied hours the big books this range visitors I took the poor woman's name and gave her something to procure a few comforts for the night and went indoors disturbed and troubled it was impossible to believe that my father himself would have acted thus but he was not a man to brook interference and I did not see how to introduce a subject what to say I could but hope that at the moment of approaching it words would be put into my mouth which often happens in moments of necessity one knows not how even when one's theme is not so all important as that for which such help has been promised as usual I did not see my father till dinner I have said that our dinners were very good luxurious in a simple way everything excellent in its kind well cooked well served the perfection of comfort without show which is a combination very dear to the English heart I said nothing till more few with his solemn attention to everything that was going had retired and then it was with some strain of courage that I began I was stopped outside the gate today by a curious sort of petitioner a poor woman who seems to be one of your tenants sir but whom your agent must have been rather too poor my agent who is that said my father quietly I don't know his name and I doubt his confidence the poor creature seems to have had everything taken from her her bed her child's cradle no doubt she was behind with her rent very likely sir she seemed very poor said I you take it coldly said my father with an upward glance half amused not in the least shocked by my statement but when a man or a woman either takes a house I suppose you will allow that they ought to pay rent for it certainly sir I replied when they have got anything to pay I don't allow the reservation he said but he was not angry which I had feared he would be I think I continued that your agent must be too severe and this emboldens me to say something which has been in my mind for some time these were the words no doubt which I had hoped would be put into my mouth they were the suggestion of the moment and yet as I said them it was with the most complete conviction of their truth and that is this I am doing nothing my time hangs heavy on my hands make me your agent I will see for myself and save you from such mistakes and it will be an occupation mistakes what warrant have you for saying these are mistakes he said testily then after a moment this is a strange proposal from you Phil do you know what it is you are offering to be a collector of rents going about from door to door from week to week to look after wretched little bits of repairs drains etc to get paid which after all is the chief thing and not to be taken in by tales of poverty not to let you be taken in by men without pity I said he gave me a strange glance which I did not very well understand and said abruptly a thing which so far as I remember he had never in my life said before you have become a little like your mother Phil my mother the reference was so unusual so unprecedented that I was greatly startled it seemed to me like the sudden introduction of a quite new element in this stagnant atmosphere as well as a new party to our conversation my father looked across the table as if with some astonishment at my tone of surprise is that so very extraordinary he said no of course it's not extraordinary that I should resemble my mother only I have heard very little of her almost nothing that is true he got up and placed himself before the fire which was very low as the night was not cold and had not been cold here to for at least but it seemed to me now that a little chill came into the dim and faded room perhaps it looked more dull from the suggestion of a something brighter warmer that might have been talking of mistakes he said perhaps that was one to sever you entirely from her side of the house but I did not care for the connection you will understand how it is that I speak of it now when I tell you he stopped here however said nothing more for a minute or so and then rang the bell Morphew came as he always did very deliberately so that sometime elapsed in silence during which my surprise grew when the old man appeared at the door have you put the lights in the drawing room as I told you my father said yes sir and opened the box sir and it's a speaking likeness this the old man got out in a great hurry as if afraid that his master would stop him my father did so with a wave of his hand that's enough I asked no information you can go now the door closed upon us and there was again a pause my subject had floated away all together like a mist though I had been so concerned about it I tried to resume but could not something seemed to arrest my very breathing and yet in this dull respectable house of ours where everything breathed good character and integrity it was certain that there could be no shameful mystery to debate it was sometime before my father spoke not from any purpose that I could see but apparently because his mind was busy with probably unaccustomed thoughts you scarcely know the drawing room well he said at last very little I have never seen it used I have a little awe of it to tell the truth that should not be there's no reason for that but a man by himself as I have been for the greater part of my life has no occasion for a drawing room I always as a matter of preference sat among my books however I ought to have thought of the impression on you oh it is not important I said the always childless I have not thought of it since I came home it never was anything very splendid at the best said he he lifted the lamp from the table with a sort of abstraction not remarking even my offer to take it from him and led the way he was on the verge of 70 and looked his age but it was a vigorous age with no symptom of giving way the circle of light from the lamp lit up his white hair and keen blue eyes and clear complexion his forehead was like old ivory his cheek warmly colored an old man yet a man in full strength he was taller than I was and still almost as strong as he stood for a moment with the lamp in his hand he looked like a tower in his height and bulk I reflected as I looked at him that I knew him intimately more intimately than any other creature in the world I was familiar with every detail of his outward life could it be that in reality I did not know him at all end of part one of the portrait recording by red avras December 2007 of the portrait this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by red avras the open door and the portrait stories of the seen and unseen by margaret o olefant the portrait part two the drawing room was already lighted with a flickering array of candles upon the mantelpiece and along the walls producing the pretty starry effect which candles give without very much light as I had not the smallest idea what I was about to see for Marfeu's speaking likeness was very hurriedly said and only half comprehensible in the bewilderment of my faculties my first glance was at this very unusual illumination for which I could assign no reason the next showed me a large full length portrait still in the box in which apparently it had travelled placed upright supported against a table in the center of the room my father walked straight up to it motioned to me to place a smaller table close to the picture on the left side and put his lamp upon that then he waved his hand towards it and stood aside that I might see it was a full length portrait of a very young woman I might say a girl scarcely 20 in a white dress made in a very simple ole fashion though I was too little accustomed to female costume to be able to fix the date it might have been 100 years old or 20 for art I knew the face had an expression of youth, candour and simplicity more than any face I had ever seen or so at least in my surprise I thought the eyes were a little wistful with something which was almost anxiety which at least was not content in them a faint almost imperceptible curve in the lids the complexion was of a dazzling fairness the hair light but the eyes dark which gave individuality to the face it would have been as lovely had the eyes been blue probably more so but their darkness gave a touch of character a slight discard which made the harmony finer it was not perhaps beautiful in the highest sense of the world the girl must have been too young too light too little developed for actual beauty but a face with so invited love and confidence I never saw one smiled at it with instinctive affection what sweet face I said what a lovely girl who is she is this one of the relations he was speaking of on the other side my father made me no reply he stood aside looking at it as if he knew it too well required to look as if the picture was already in his eyes yes he said after an interval with a long drawn breath she was a lovely girl as you say was then she is dead what a pity I said what a pity so young and so sweet we stood gazing at her thus in her beautiful stillness and calm two men the younger of us full grown and conscious of many experiences the other an old man before this impression of tender youth at length he said with a slight tremolessness in his voice does nothing suggest to you who she is? I turned round to look at him with profound actions met but he turned away from my look a sort of quiver passed over his face that is your mother and walked suddenly away leaving me there my mother I stood for a moment in a kind of consternation before the white robed innocent creature to me no more than a child then a sudden laugh broke from me without any will of mind something ludicrous as well as something awful was in it when the laugh was over I found myself with tears in my eyes gazing holding my breath the soft features seemed to melt the lips to move the anxiety in the eyes to become a personal inquiry ah no nothing of the kind only because of the water in mine my mother oh parent gentle creature scarcely woman how could any man's voice call him by that name I had little idea enough of what it meant had heard it, laughed at scoffed at, reverenced but never had learnt to place it even among the ideal powers of life yet if it meant anything at all what it meant was worth thinking of what did she ask looking at me with those eyes what would she have said if those lips had language if I had known her only as cow per did this reflection there might have been some thread some faint but comprehensible link between us but now all that I felt was the curious incongruity poor child I said to myself so sweet a creature poor little tender soul as if she had been a little sister a child of mine but my mother I cannot tell how long I stood looking at her sweet candid face which surely had germs in it of everything that was good and beautiful and sorry with a profound regret that she had died and never carried those promises to fulfilment poor girl poor people who had loved her these were my thoughts with a curious vertigo and giddiness of my whole being in the sense of a mysterious relationship which it was beyond my power to understand it presently my father came back possibly because I had been a long time unconscious of the passage of the minutes or perhaps because he was himself restless in the strange disturbance of his habitual calm he came in and put his arm within mine leaning his weight partially upon me with an affectionate suggestion which went deeper than was his arm to my side it was more between us two grave Englishmen than any embracing I cannot understand it I said no I don't wonder at that but if it is strange to you well think how much more strange to me that is a partner of my life I have never had another or thought of another that girl as I have always hoped we should meet again what am I to say to her I an old man yes I know what you mean I am not an old man for my years but my years are three four and ten and the play is nearly played out how am I to meet that young creature we used to say to each other that it was forever that we never could be but once that it was for life and death what am I to say to her Phil when I meet her again that angel no it is not her being an angel that troubles me but she is so young she is like my my granddaughter he cried with a burst of water half sorbs half laughter and she is my wife and I am an old man an old man and so much has happened that she could not understand I was too much startled by this strange complaint to know what to say it was not my own trouble and I answered it in the conventional way they are not as we are sir I said they look upon us with larger other eyes than us ah you don't know what I mean he said quickly and in the interval I dueled his emotion at first after she died it was my consolation to think that I should meet her again that we never could be really parted but my god how I have changed since then I am another man I am a different being I was not very young even then 20 years older than she was but her youth renewed mine I was not an unfit partner she asked no better and knew as much more than I did in some things being so much nearer the source as I did in others that were of the world but I have gone a long way since then Phil a long way and there she stands just where I left her I pressed his arm again father I said which was a title I seldom used we are not to suppose that in a higher life the mind stands still I did not feel myself qualified to discuss such topics but something one must say worse worse he replied then she too will be like me a different being and we shall meet as what as strangers as people who have lost sight of each other with a long past bitterness we who parted my god with with voice broke and ended for a moment then while surprised and almost shocked by what he said I cast about in my mind what to reply he withdrew his arm suddenly from mind and said in his usual tone where shall we hand the picture Phil it must be here in this room what do you think will be the best light this sudden alteration took me still more by surprise and gave me almost an additional shock but it was evident that I must follow the changes of his mood or at least the sudden repression of sentiment which he originated we went into that simpler question with great seriousness consulting which would be the best light you know I can scarcely advise I said I have never been familiar with this room I should like to put off if you don't mind still daylight I think he said that this would be the best place it was on the other side of the fireplace on the wall which faced the windows not the best light I knew enough to be aware for an oil painting when I said so however he answered me with a little impatience it does not matter very much about the best light there will be nobody to see it but you and me I have reasons there was a small table standing against the wall at this spot on which he had his hand as spoke upon it stood a little basket in a very fine lace like wicker work his hand must have trembled for the table shook and the basket fell its contents turning out upon the carpet little bits of needlework colored silks a small piece of knitting half done he laughed as they rolled out at his feet and tried to stoop to collect them then tottered to a chair and covered for a moment his face with his hands no need to ask what they were no women's work had been seen in the house since I could recollect it I gathered them up reverently and put them back I could see ignorant as I was that the bit of knitting was something for an infant what could I do less than put it to my lips it had been left in the doing for me yes I think this is the best place my father said a minute after in his usual tone we placed it there that evening with her own hands the picture was large and in a heavy frame but my father would let no one help me but himself and then with a superstition for which I never could give any reason even to myself having removed the packings be closed and locked the door leaving the candles above the room in their soft strange illumination lighting the first night of her return to her old place that night no more was said my father went to his room early which was not his habit he had never however accustomed me to sit late with him in the library I had a little study or smoking room of my own in which all my special treasures were the collections of my travels and my favorite books and where I sat after prayers a ceremonial which was regularly kept up in the house I retired as usual this night to my room and as usual read but tonight somewhat vaguely often pausing to think when it was quite late I went out by the glass door to the lawn and walked around the house with the intention of looking in at the drawing room window as I had done when a child but I had forgotten that these windows were all shuttered at night and nothing but a faint penetration of the light within through the crevice bore witness to the installment of the new dweller there in the morning my father was entirely himself again he told me without emotion of the manner in which he had obtained the picture it had belonged to my mother's family and had fallen eventually into the cousin of hers president abroad a man whom I did not like and who did not like me my father said there was or had been some rivalry he thought a mistake but he was never aware of that he refused all my requests to have a coffee made you may suppose Bill that I wished this very much had I succeeded you would have been acquainted at least with your mother's appearance and did not have sustained this shock but he would not consent it gave him I think a certain pleasure to think that he had the only picture but now he is dead and out of remorse or with some other intention has left it to me that looks like kindness said I yes or something else he might have thought that by so doing he was establishing a claim upon me my father said but he did not seem disposed to add anymore on whose behalf he meant to establish a claim I did not know nor who the man was who had made us under so great an obligation on his death bed he had established a claim on me at least though as he was dead I could not see on whose behalf it was and my father said nothing more he seemed to dislike the subject when I attempted to return to it he had recourse to his letters on his newspapers evidently he had made of his mind to say no more afterwards I went into the drawing room to look at the picture once more it seems to me that the anxiety in her eyes was not so evident as I had thought it last night the light possibly was more favorable she stood just above the place where I make no doubt she had sat in line where her little work basket was not very much a work it the picture was full length and we had hung it low so that she might have been stepping into the room and was little above my own level as I stood and looked at her again once more I smiled at this strange thought that this young creature so young almost child this could be my mother and once more my eyes grew with looking at her he was a benefactor indeed who had given her back to us I said to myself that if I could ever do anything for him or his I would certainly do it for my for this lovely young creature's sake and with this in my mind and all the thoughts that came with it I am obliged to confess that the other matter which I had been so full of the previous night went entirely out of my head it is rarely however that such matters are allowed to slip out of one's mind when I went out in the afternoon for my usual stroll or rather when I turned from that stroll I saw once more before me the woman with her baby whose story had filled me with dismay on the previous evening she was waiting at the gate as before and oh gentlemen but haven't you got some news to give she said my good woman I have been greatly occupied I have had no time to do anything ah she said with a little cry of disappointment my man said not to make too sure and that the ways of the gentlemen folks is hard to know I cannot explain to you I said as gently as I could what it is that has made me forget you it was an event that can only do you good at the end go home now and see the man that took your things from you and tell him to come to me I promise you it shall all be put right the woman looked at me in astonishment then burst forth as it seemed involuntarily what without asking no questions after this there came a storm of tears and blessings from which I made haste to escape but not without carrying the curious commentary on my rashness away with me without asking no questions it might be foolish perhaps but after all how slight a matter to make the poor creature comfortable at the cost of what a box or two of cigars perhaps or some other trifle and if it should be her own fault or her husband's what then had I been punished for all my faults where should I have been now and if the advantage be only temporary what then to be relieved and comforted even for a day or two was not that something to count in life thus I quenched the fury dart of criticism which my pretty herself had thrown into the transaction not without a certain sense of the humour of it its effect however was to make me less anxious to see my father to repeat my proposal to him and to call his attention to the quality performed in his name this one case I had taken out of the category of wrongs to be righted by assuming arbitrarily the position of providence in my own person for of course I had bound myself to pay the poor creature's rent as well as redeem her goods and whatever might happen to her in the future had taken the past into my own plans the man came presently to see me who it seems had acted as my father's agent in the matter I don't know sir how Mr. Canning will take it he said he don't want none of those irregular bad paying once in his property he always says as to look over it and let the rent run on is making things worse in the end his rule is never more than a month Stevens that's what Mr. Canning says to me sir he says more than that they can't pay it's no use trying and it's a good rule it's a very good rule you won't hear none of their stories sir bless you you would never get a penny of rent from them small houses if you listen to their tales but if so be as you will pay Mrs. Jordan's rent it's none of my business how it's paid so long as it's paid and I'll send her back her things but they will just have to be took next time he added compulsory over and over it's always the same story with them sort of poor folks they are too poor for anything that's the truth the man said morphew came back to my room after my visitor was gone Mr. Phillip he said you will excuse me sir but if you are going to pay all the poor folks rent as have the stresses put in you may just go into the court at once for it's without end I'm going to be the agent myself morphew and manage for my father and we'll soon put a stop to that I said more cheerfully than I felt manage for master he said with a face of consternation you Mr. Phillip you seem to have a great contempt for me morphew he did not deny the fact he said with excitement master sir master don't let himself be put a stop to buy any man master's not one to be managed don't you quarrel with master Phillip for the love of God the old man was quite pain quarrel I said I have never quarrelled with my father and I don't mean to begin now morphew dispelled his own excitement by making up the fire which was dying in the grate it was a very mild spring evening and he made up a great blaze which would have suited December this is one of many ways in which an old servant will relieve his mind he muttered all the time as he threw on the coals and wood he will not like it we all know as he will not like it master would stand no meddling Mr. Phillip this last he distressed at me like applying arrow as he closed the door I soon found there was truth in what he said my father was not angry he was even half amused I don't think that plan of yours will hold waterpill I hear you have been paying rents for the deeming furniture that's an expensive game and a very profitless one of course so long as you are a benevolent gentleman acting for your own pleasure it makes no difference to me I'm quite content if I get my money even out of your pockets so long as it amuses you but as my collector you know which you are good enough to propose to be of course I should act under your orders I said but at least sure that I would not commit you to any to any I paused for a word act of oppression he said with a smile piece of cruelty, exaction there are half a dozen words sir I cried stop bill and let us understand each other I hope I have always been a just man I do my duty on my side and I expect it from others it is your benevolence that is cruel I have calculated anxiously how much credit it is safe to allow but I will allow no man or woman either to go beyond what he or she can make up my law is fixed now you understand my agents as you call them originate nothing they execute only what I decide but then no circumstances are taken into account no bad luck no evil chances no loss unexpected chances he said there is no bad luck they reap as the sow no I don't go among them to be cheated by their stories and spend quite unnecessary emotion in sympathizing with them you will find it much better for you that I don't I deal with them on a general rule made I assure you not without a great deal of thought and must it always be so I said is there no way of creating or bringing in a better state of things it seems not he said we don't get no forader in that direction so far as I can see and then he turned the conversation to general matters I retired to my room greatly discouraged that night in former ages or so one is led to suppose and in the lower primitive classes who still linger near the permeable type action of any kind was andy's easier than amid the complications of our higher civilization a bad man is a distinct entity against whom you know more or less what steps to take a tyrant and oppressor a bad landlord a man who lets miserable tenements at a rack rent to come down to particulars and exposes his wretched tenants to all those abominations of which we have heard so much well he is more or less a satisfactory opponent there he is and there is nothing to be said for him down with him and let there be an end of his wickedness but when on the contrary you have before you a good man a just man who has considered deeply a question which you allow to be full of difficulty who regrets but cannot be human a bird the miseries which to some unhappy individuals follow from the very wisdom of his rule what can you do what is to be done individual benevolence at haphazard may bulk him here and there but what have you to put in the place of his well-considered scheme charity which makes purpose or what else I had not considered the question deeply but it seems to me that I now came to a blank wall which my vague human sentiment of pity as corn could find no way to breach there must be wrong somewhere but where there must be some change for the better to be made but how I was seated with a book before me on the table with my head supported on my hands my eyes were on the printed page but I was not reading my mind was full of these thoughts my heart of great discouragement and despondency a sense that I could do nothing yet that there surely must an odd if I but knew it be something to do the fire which morphew had built up before dinner was dying out the shaded lamp on my table left all the corners in a mysterious twilight the house was perfectly still no one moving my father in the library where after the habit of many solitary years he likes to be left alone and I here in my retreat preparing for the formation of similar habits I thought all at once of the third member of the party the newcomer alone too in the room that had been hers and there suddenly occurred to me a strong desire to take up my lamp and go to the drawing room and visit her to see whether her soft angelic face would give any inspiration I restrained however this futile impulse for what could the picture say and instead wondered what might have been had she lived had she been there warmly enthroned beside the warm domestic centre the hearth which would have been a common sanctuary the true home in that case what might have been alas the question was no more simple to answer than the other might have been there alone too her husband's business her son's thoughts as far from her as now when her silent representative held her old place in the silence and darkness I had known it so often enough love itself does not always give comprehension and sympathy it might be that she was more to us there in the sweet image of her undeveloped beauty than she might have been lived and grown to maturity and fading like the rest I cannot be certain whether my mind was still lingering on this not very cheerful reflection or if it had been left behind when the strange occurrence came of which I have now detected can I call it an occurrence my eyes were on my book when I thought I heard the sound of a door opening and shutting but so far away and paint that if real at all it must have been in a far corner of the house I did not move except to lift my eyes from the book as one does instinctively the better to listen when but I cannot tell nor have I ever been able to describe exactly what it was my heart made all at once a sudden leap in my breast I am aware that this language is figurative and that the heart cannot read but it is a figure so entirely justified by sensation that no one will have any difficulty in understanding what I mean my heart leaped up and began beating wildly in my throat in my ears as if my whole being had received a sudden and intolerable shock the sound went through my head like the dizzy sound of some strange mechanism a thousand wheels and springs circling in my brain I felt the blood bound in my veins my mouth became dry my eyes part a sense of something insupportable to possession of me I sprang to my feet and then I sat down again I cast a quick glance round me beyond the brief circle of the lamp light but there was nothing there to account in any way for this sudden extraordinary rush of sensation nor could I feel any meaning in it any suggestion any moral impression I thought I must be going to be ill and got out my watch and felt my pulse it was beating furiously about 125 throbs in a minute I knew of no illness that could come on like this without warning in a moment and I tried to subdue myself to say to myself that it was nothing some flutter of the nerves some physical disturbance I laid myself down upon my sofa to try if rest would help me and kept still as long as the thumping and throbbing of this wild excited mechanism within like a wild beast plunging and struggling would let me I'm quite aware of the confusion of the metaphor the reality was just so it was like a mechanism deranged going widely with ever increasing precipitation like those horrible veils that from time to time catch a helpless human being in them and tear him to pieces but at the same time it was like a maddened living creature making the wildest efforts to get free when I could be at this no longer I got up and walked about my room then having still a certain command of myself though I could not master the commotion within me I deliberately took down an exciting book from the shelf book of breathless adventure which had always interested me and tried with that to break the spell after a few minutes however I flung the book aside I was gradually losing all power over myself what I should be moved to do to shout aloud to struggle with I know not what or if I was going mad altogether and next moment must be a draping lunatic I could not tell I kept looking around expecting I don't know what several times to the corner of my eye I seemed to see a movement as if someone was stealing out of sight but when I looked straight there was never anything but the plain outlines of the wall and carpet the chairs turning in good order at last I snatched up the lamp in my hand and went out of the room to look at the picture which had been painfully showing in my imagination from time to time the eyes more anxious than ever looking at me from out the silent air but no I passed the door of that room swiftly moving it seemed without any volition of my own and before I knew where I was going went into my father's library with my lamp in my hand he was still sitting there at his writing table he looked up asheness to see me hurrying in with my life he said surprise I remember that I shut the door behind me and came up to him and sat down the lamp on the table my sudden appearance alarmed him what is the matter he cried Philip what have you been doing with yourself I sat down on the nearest chair and gasped gazing at him the wild commotion seized the blood subsided into its natural channels my heart resumed its place I used such words as mortal weakness can to express the sensations I felt I came to myself thus gazing at him confounded at once by the extraordinary passion which I had gone through and its sudden cessation the matter I cried I don't know what is the matter my father had pushed his spectacles up from his eyes he appeared to me as faces appear in a fever he glorified the light which is not in them his eyes glowing his white hair shining like silver but his looks were severe you are not a boy that I should approve you but you ought to know better he said then I explained to him so far as I was able what had happened had happened nothing had happened he did not understand me not did I now that it was over understand myself the disturbance in me was serious and not caused by any quality of my own he was very kind as soon as he had assured himself of this and talked taking pains to bring me back to unexciting subjects he had a letter in his hand with a very deep border of black when I came in I observed it without taking any notice or associating it with anything I knew he had many correspondence and although we were excellent friends we had never been on those confidential terms which warrant one man in asking another from whom a special letter has come we were not so near to each other as this though we were father and son after a while I went back to my own room and finished the evening in my usual way without any return of the excitement which now that it was over looked to me like some extraordinary dream what had it meant had it meant anything I said to myself that it must be purely physical something gone temporarily amiss which had righted itself it was physical the excitement did not affect my mind I was independent of it all the time a spectator of my own agitation a clear proof of that whatever it was it had affected my bodily organization alone next day I returned to the problem which I had not been able to solve I found out my petitioner in the back street and that she was happy in the recovery of her possessions which to my eyes indeed did not seem very worthy either of lamentation or delight nor was her house the tidy house which endured virtue should have when restored to its humble rights she was not endured virtue it was clear she made me a great many curses and fought for a number of blessings her man came in while I was there and hoped in a rough voice that God would reward me and that the old gentleman would let them alone I did not like the look of the man it seems to me that in the dark lane behind the house of a winter's night he would not be a pleasant person to coin in one's way nor was this all when I went out into the little street which it appeared was all or almost all my father's property a number of groups formed in my way and at least half a dozen applicants signed up I have more claims nor marry Jordan any day she had one I have lived on square cannings property one place in another this 20 year and what do you say to me said I'm the I have six children to her two bless you sir and never a father to do for them I believed in my father's road before I got out of the street and approved his wisdom in keeping himself free from personal contact with his tenants yet when I looked back upon this warming for a fair the mean little houses the women at their doors also open mouthed and eager to content for my favor my heart sank within me and the thought that out of the misery some portion of our wealth came I don't care small portion that I young and strong should be kept idle and luxury in some part for the money screwed out of their necessities obtained sometimes by the sacrifice of everything the price of course I know all the ordinary common places of life as well as anyone that if you build a house with your hand or your money and let it the rent of it is your just view and must be paid but yet don't you think so I said that evening and dinner the subject being reintroduced by my father himself that we have some duty towards them when we draw so much from them certainly he said I take as much trouble about your dreams as I do about my own that is always something I suppose something it is a great deal it is more than they get anywhere else I keep them clean as far as that's possible I give them at least the means of keeping clean and thus check disease and prolong life which is more I assure you than they have any right to expect I was not prepared with arguments as I ought to have been that is all in the gospel according to Adam Smith which my father had been brought up in but of which the tenants had begun to be less binding in my day I wanted something more something less but my views were not so clear nor my system so logical and well built as that upon which my father rested his conscience and drew his person page with a light heart yet I thought there was science in him of some perturbation I met him one morning coming out of the room in which the portrait hung as if he had gone to look at it stealthily he was shaking his head and saying no no for himself not perceiving me and I stepped aside when I saw him so absorbed for myself I entered that room but breathed I went outside as I had so often done when I was a child and looked through the windows into the still and now sacked place which had always impressed me with the something more looked at so the slight figure in its white dress seemed to be stepping down into the room from some slight visionary altitude looking with that which had seemed to me at first anxiety which I sometimes represented to myself now as a wistful curiosity as if she were looking for the life which might have been hers where was the existence that had belonged to her the sweet household face the infant she had left she would no more recognise the man who this came to look at her as so a being with a mystic reverence then I could recognise her I could never be her child to her any more than she could be a mother to me End of part 2 of the portrait Recording by Red Abrass December 2007 Part 3 of the portrait This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Red Abrass The Open Door and the Portrait Stories of the Seen and Unseen by Margaret O. Oliphant The Portrait Part 3 Thus time passed on for several quiet days there was nothing to make us give special heed to the passage of time life being very uneventful and its habits unwavering my mind was very much preoccupied by my father's tenants he had a great deal of property in the town which was so near us streets of small houses the best paying property I was assured of any I was very anxious to come to some settled conclusion on the one hand let myself be carried away by sentiment on the other not to allow my strong roused feelings to fall in the blank of routine as his had done I was seated one evening in my own sitting room busy with this matter busy with calculations as to cost and profit with an anxious desire to convince him either that his profits were greater than justice allowed or that they carried with them a more urgent duty than he had conceived it was night but not late not more than 10 o'clock the household still still everything was quiet not the solemnity of midnight silence in which there is always something of mystery but the soft breathing quiet of the evening full of the faint habitual sounds of a human dwelling a conscious of life about and I was very busy with my figures interested feeling no room in my mind for any other thought the singular experience which had startled me so much had passed over very quickly and there had been no return I had seized to think of it indeed I had never thought of it save for the moment setting it down after it was over to a physical cause without much difficulty at this time I was far too busy to have thoughts to spare for anything a room for imagination and when suddenly in a moment without any warning the first symptom returned I started with it into determined resistance resolute not to be fooled by any mock influence which could resolve itself into the action of nerves or ganglions the first symptom as before was that my heart sprang up with a bound as if a cannon had been fired at my ear my whole being responded with a start the pen fell out of my fingers the figures went out of my head as if all faculty had departed and yet I was conscious for a time at least of keeping myself control I was like the rider of a frightened horse rendered almost wild by something which in the mystery of its voiceless being it has seen something on the road which it will not pass but plunging resisting every persuasion turns from with ever increasing passion the rider himself after a time becomes infected with this inexplanable desperation of terror and I suppose I must have done so but for a time I kept the upper hand I would not allow myself to spring as I wished as my impulse was but sat there doggedly clinging to my books to my table fixing myself on I did not mind what to resist the flood of sensation of emotion which was sweeping through me carrying me away I tried to continue my calculations I tried to stir myself up with recollections of the miserable sides I had seen the poverty the helplessness I tried to work myself into indignation but all through these efforts I felt the contagion growing upon me my mind falling into sympathy with all those straining faculties of the body startled excited driven wild by something I knew not what it was not fear I was like a ship at sea straining and plunging against wind and tide but I was not afraid I'm obliged to use these metaphors otherwise I could give no explanation of my condition seized upon against my will and torn from all those moorings of reason to which I clung with desperation as long as I had the strength when I got up from my chair at last the battle was lost so far as my powers of self-control were concerned I got up or rather was dragged up from my seat clutching at these material things around me as with the last effort to hold my own but that was no longer possible I was overcome I stood for a moment looking round me feebly feeling myself begin to babble with stammering lips which was the alternative of shrieking and which I seemed to choose as a lesser evil what I said was what am I to do and after a while what do you want me to do although throughout I saw no one heard no voice and had in reality not power enough in my dizzy and confused brain to know what I myself meant I stood thus for a moment looking blankly round me for guidance repeating the question which seemed after a time to become almost mechanical what do you want me to do though I neither knew to whom I addressed it nor why I said it presently whether in answer whether in mere yielding of nature I cannot tell I became aware of a difference not a meaning of agitation but a softening as if my powers of resistance being exhausted a gentler force a more benign influence had room I felt myself constant to whatever it was my heart melted in the midst of the tumult I seemed to give myself up and move as if drawn by someone whose arm was in mine as if softly swept along not forcibly but with the consent of all my faculties to do I knew not what for love of I knew not whom for love that was how it seemed not by force as when I went before but my steps took the same course I went through the dim passages in an exaltation indescribable and opened the door of my father's room he was seated there at his table as usual the light of the lamp falling on his white hair he looked up with some surprise at the sound of the opening door Phil he said and with a look of wandering apprehension on his face watched me approach I went straight up to him and put my hand on his shoulder Phil what is the matter what do you want with me what is it he said father I can't tell you I come not of myself there must be something in it though I don't know what it is this is the second time I have been brought to you here are you going he stopped himself the exclamation had begun with an angry intention he stopped looking at me with a scared look as if perhaps it might be true do you mean man I don't think so I have no delusions that I know of father think do you know any reason why I am brought here for some cause there must be I stood with my hand upon the back of his chair the stable was covered with papers among which were several letters with the broad black border which I had before observed I noticed this now in my excitement without any distinct association of thoughts for that I was not capable of but the black border caught my eye and I was conscious that he too gave a horrid glance at them and with them away Philip he said pushing back his chair you must be ill my poor boy evidently we have not been treating you rightly you have been more ill all through than I suppose let me persuade you to go to bed I am perfectly well I said father don't let us deceive one another I am neither a man to go mad not to see ghosts what it is that has got the command over me I can't tell but there is some cause for it you are doing something or planning something with which I have a right to interfere he turned round squarely in his chair with a spark in his blue eyes he was not a man to be meddled with I have yet to learn what can give my son a right to interfere I am in possession of all my faculties I hope father I cried won't you listen to me no one can say I have been unbeautiful or respectful I am a man with a right to speak my mind and I have done so but this is different I am not here by my own will something that is stronger than I has brought me there is something in your mind which disturbs others I don't know what I am saying this is not what I meant to say but you know the meaning better than I someone who can speak to you only by me speaks to you by me and I know that you can understand he gazed up at me growing pale and his underlip fell I for my part felt that my message was delivered my heart sank into a stillness so sudden that it made me faint the light swarm in my eyes everything went round with me I kept upright only by my hold upon the chair and in the sense of utter weakness that followed I dropped on my knees then on the nearest seat that presented itself and covering my face with my hands had hard adore not to stop in the sudden removal of that strange influence the relaxation of the stream there was silence between us for some time then he said but with a voice slightly broken I don't understand you Phil you must have taken some fancy into your mind which my slower intelligence speak out what do you want to say what do you find fault with is it all all that woman Jordan he gave a short forced laugh as he broke up and shook me almost roughly by the soldier saying speak out what what do you want to say it seems sir that I have said everything my voice trembled more than his but not in the same way I have told you that I did not come by my own will quite otherwise I resisted as long as I could now all is said it is for you to judge whether it was worth the trouble or not he got up from his seat in a hurried way you would have me as mad as yourself he said then sat down again as quickly come Phil if it will please you not to make a breach the first breach between us you shall have your way I consent to your looking into that matter poor tenants your mind shall not be upset about that even though I don't enter into all your views thank you I said but father that is not what it is then it is a piece of folly he said I suppose you mean but this is a matter in which I choose to judge for myself you know what I mean I said as quietly as I could though I don't myself know that proves there is good reason for it will you do one thing for me before I leave you come with me into the drawing room what end he said with again the tremble in his voice is to be served by that I don't very well know but to look at her you and I together will always do something for us sir as for breach there can be no breach when we stand there he got up trembling like an old man which he was but which he never looked like save at moments of emotion like this and told me to take the light then stopped when he had got halfway across the room this is a piece of theatrical sentimentality he said no felt I will not go I will not bring her into any such put down the lamp and if you will take my advice go to bed at least I said I'll trouble you no more father tonight so long as you understand there need be no more to say he gave me a very good night and turn back to his papers the letters with the black edge either by my imagination or in reality always keeping uppermost I went to my own room for my lamp and then alone proceeded to the silent shrine in which the portrait hung I at least would look at her tonight I don't know whether I asked myself in so many words if it were she who or if it was anyone I knew nothing but my heart was run with a softness born perhaps of the great weakness in which I was left after that visitation to her to look at her to see perhaps if there was any sympathy any approval in her face I sat down my lamp on the table where her little work basket still was the light through a gleam awkward upon her she seemed more than ever to be stepping into the room coming towards me coming back to her life ah no her life was lost and vanished all mine stood between her and the days she knew she looked at me with eyes that did not change the anxiety I had seen at first seemed now a wistful subdued question but that difference was not in her look but in mine I did not linger on the intervening time the doctor who attended us literally came in next day by accident and we had a long conversation on the following day a very impressive yet gentleman from town lunched with us a friend of my father's talked to something but the introduction was hurried and I did not catch his name he too had a long talk with me afterwards my father being called away to speak to someone on business doctor something drew me out on the subject of the dwellings of the poor I took great interest in this question which had come so much to the front at the present moment he was interested in it too and wanted to know the view I took I explained at considerable length that my view did not concern the general subject on which I had scarcely thought so much as the individual mode of management of my father's estate he was a most patient and intelligent listener agreeing with me on some points and his visit was very pleasant I had no idea until after of its special object though a sudden puzzle look and slight shake of the head when my father returned might have thrown some light upon it the report of the medical experts in my case must however have been quite satisfactory for I heard nothing more of them it was I think a fortnight later when the next and the last of these strange experiences came it was morning about noon a wet and rather dismal spring day the half spread leaves seemed to tap at the window with an appeal to be taken in the prim roses that showed golden upon the grass at the roots of the trees just beyond the smooth shown grass of the lawn were all drooped and sodden among their sheltering leaves the very growth seemed dreary the sense of spring in the air making the feeling of winter a grievance instead of the natural effect which it had conveyed a few months before I had been writing letters and was cheerful enough going back among the associates of my own life with perhaps a little longing for its freedom and independence but at the same time a not ungrateful consciousness that for the moment my present tranquility might be best this was my condition a not unpleasant one when suddenly now well known symptoms of the visitation to which I had become subject suddenly seized upon me the leap of the heart the sudden causeless overwhelming physical excitement which I could neither ignore nor allay I was terrified beyond description beyond reason when I became conscious that this was about to begin over again what purpose did it answer what good was in it my father indeed understood the meaning of it although I did not understand but it was little agreeable to be thus made a helpless instrument without any will of mind in an operation of which I knew nothing and to enact the part of the oracle unwillingly with suffering and such a strain as it took me days to get over I resisted not as before but yet desperately trying with better knowledge to keep down the growing passion I hurried to my room and swallowed a dose of sedative which had been given me to procure sleep on my first return from India I saw Morphew in the hall and called him to talk to him and cheat myself if possible by that means Morphew lingered however and before he came I was beyond conversation I heard him speak his voice coming vaguely through the turmoil which was already in my ears but what he said I have never known I stood staring trying to recover my power of attention with an aspect which ended by completely frightening the man he cried out at last that he was sure I was ill that he must bring me something which was penetrated more or less into my maddened brain it became impressed upon me that he was going to get someone one of my father's doctors perhaps to prevent me from acting to stop my interference and that if I waited a moment longer I might be too late a vague idea seized me at the same time of taking refuge with the portrait going to its feet throwing myself there perhaps till the paroxysms should be over but it was not there that my footsteps were directed I can remember making an effort to open the door of the drawing room and feeling myself swept past it as if by a gale of wind it was not there that I had to go I knew very well where I had to go once more on my confused and voiceless mission to my father who understood although I could not understand yet as it was daylight and all was clear I could not help noting one or two circumstances on my way I saw someone sitting in the hall as if waiting a woman a girl a black shrouded figure with a thick wheel over her face and asked myself who she was and what she wanted there this question which had nothing to do with my present condition somehow got into my mind and was tossed up and down upon the tumultuous tide like a stray log on the breast of a fiercely rolling stream now submerged now coming up a most at the mercy of the waters it did not stop me for a moment as I hurried towards my father's room but it caught upon the current of my mind I flung open my father's door and closed it again after me without seeing who was there or how he was engaged the full clearness of the daylight did not identify him as the lamp did at night he looked up at the sound of the door with a glance of apprehension and rising suddenly interrupting someone who was standing speaking to him with much earnestness and even vehemence came forward to meet me I cannot be disturbed at present he said quickly I am busy then seeing the look in my face which by this time he knew he too changed colour fill he said in a low imperative voice wretched boy go away go away don't let a stranger see you I can't go away I said it is impossible you know why I have come I cannot if I would it is more powerful than I go sir he said go at once no more of this folly what have you in this room go go I made no answer I don't know that I could have done so there had never been any struggle between us before but I had no power to do one thing or another the tumult within me was in full career I heard indeed what he said and was able to reply but his words too were like straws tossed upon the tremendous stream I saw now with my feverish eyes who the other person present was it was a woman dressed also in mourning similar to the one in the hall but this a middle aged woman like a respectable servant she had been crying and in the pause caused by this encounter between my father and myself dried her eyes with a handkerchief which she rolled like a ball in her hand evidently in strong emotion she turned and looked at me as my father spoke to me for a moment with a gleam of hope then falling back into her former attitude my father returned to his seat he was much educated though doing all that was possible to conceal it my inner putian arrival was evidently a great and unlooked for vexation to him he gave me the only look of passionate displeasure I have from him as he sat down again but he said nothing more you must understand he said addressing the woman that I have said my last words on this subject I don't choose to enter into it again in the presence of my own son who is not well enough to be made a party to any discussion I am sorry that you should have had so much trouble in vain but you were warned beforehand and you have only yourself to blame I acknowledge no claim and nothing you can say will change my resolution I must beg you to go away all this is very painful and quite useless I acknowledge no claim oh sir she cried her eyes beginning once more to flow her speech interrupted by little sobs maybe I did wrong to speak up a claim I am not educated to argue with a gentleman maybe we have no claim but if it's not by right oh mr. won't you let your heart be touched by pity she don't know what I am saying poor dear she is not one to beg and pray for herself as I am doing for her oh sir she is so young she is so alone in this world not a friend to stand by her not a house to take her in you are the nearest to her of anyone that's left in this world she hasn't a relation not one so near as you oh she cried with a sudden thought turning quickly round upon me this gentleman's your son now I think of it it's not your relationship is but his through his mother that's nearer nearer oh sir you are young your heart should be more tender here is my young lady that has no one in the world to look to her your own flesh and blood your mother's cousin your mother's my father called to her to stop with a voice of thunder Philip leave us at once it's not a matter to be discussed with you and then in a moment it became clear to me what it was it had been with difficulty that I had kept myself still my breast was laboring with the fever of an impulse poured into me more than I could contain and now for the first time I knew why I hurried towards him and took his hand though he resisted into mine mine were burning but his like ice their touch burnt me with its chill like fire this is what it is I cried I had no knowledge before I don't know now what is being asked of you but father understand you know and I know now that someone sends me someone who has a right to interfere he pushed me away with all his might you are mad he cried what right have you to think oh you're mad mad I have seen it coming on the woman the petitioner had grown silent watching his brief conflict with the terror and interest with which women watch a struggle between men she started and fell back when she heard what he said but did not take her eyes off me following every movement I made when I turned to go away a cry of indescribable disappointment and remonstrance burst from her and even my father raised himself up and stared at my withdrawal as soon as to find that he had overcome me so soon and easily I paused for a moment and looked back on them seeing them large and vague through the mist of fever I am not going away I said I am going for another messenger one you cannot gain say my father rose he called out to me threateningly I'll have nothing touch that is hers nothing that is hers shall be profane I waited to hear no more I knew what I had to do by what means it was conveyed to me I cannot tell but the certainty of an influence which no one thought of calmed me in the midst of my fever I went out into the fall where I had seen the young stranger waiting I went up to her and touched her on the shoulder she rose at once with a little movement of alarm yet with docile and instant obedience as if she had expected the summons I made her take off her wheel and her bonnet scarcely looking at her scarcely seeing her knowing how it was I took her soft small cool yet trembling hand into mine it was so soft and cool not cold it refreshed me with its tremulous touch all through I moved and spoke like a man in a dream swiftly noiselessly all the complications of waking life removed without embarrassment without reflection without the loss of movement my father was still standing up leaning a little forward as he had done when I withdrew threatening yet terrors stricken not knowing what I might be about to when I returned with my companion that was the one thing he had not thought of he was entirely undecided unprepared he gave her one look flung up his arms above his head and uttered a distracted cry so wild that it seemed the last outcry of nature Agnes then fell back like a sudden rain upon himself into his chair I had no leisure to think how he was or whether he could hear what I said I had my message to deliver father I said laboring with my panting breath it is for this that heaven has opened and one whom I never saw one whom I know not has taken possession of me had we been less earthly we should have seen her herself and not merely her image I have not even known what she meant I have been as a fool without understanding this is the third time I have come to you with her message without knowing what to say but now I have found it out this is her message I have found it out at last there was an awful pause a pause in which no one moved or breathed then there came a broken voice out of my father's chair he had not understood though I think he heard what I said he put out two feeble hands Phil I think I am dying has she has she come for me he said we had to carry him to his bed what struggles he had gone through before I cannot tell he had stood fast and had refused to be moved and now he fell like an old tower like an old tree the necessity there was for thinking of him saved me from the physical consequences which had frustrated me on a former occasion I had no leisure now for any consciousness of how matters went with myself his delusion was not wonderful but most natural she was clothed in black from head to foot instead of the white dress of the portrait she had no knowledge of the conflict of nothing but that she was called for that her fate might depend on the next few minutes in her eyes there was a pathetic question a line of anxiety in the lids an innocent appeal in the looks and the face the same the same lips sensitive ready to quiver the same innocent candidate drove the look of a common race which is more subtle than mere resemblance how I knew that it was so I cannot tell nor any man it was the other the elder ah no not elder the ever young the agnes to whom age can never come she who they say was the mother of a man who never saw her it was she who led her kinswoman her representative into our hearts my father recovered after a few days he had taken cold it was said the day before and naturally at 70 a small matters enough to upset the balance even of a strong man he got quite well but he was willing enough afterwards to leave the management of that ticklish kind of property which involves human well-being in my hands who could move about more freely and see with my own eyes how things were going on he liked home better and had more pleasure in his personal existence in the end of his life agnes is now my wife as he had of course foreseen it was not early the disinclination to receive her father's daughter or to take upon him a new responsibility that had moved him to do him justice but both these motors had told strongly I have never been told and now will never be told what his griefs against my mother's family and specially against that cousin had been but that he had been very determined deeply prejudiced there can be no doubt it turned out after the first occasion on which I had been mysteriously commissioned to him with a message which I did not understand and which for that time he did not understand was the evening of the day on which he had received the dead man's letter appealing to him to him a man whom he had wronged on behalf of the child who was about to be left friendless in the world the second time got the letters from the nurse who was the only guardian of the orphan and the chaplain of the place where her father had died taking it for granted that my father's house was her natural refuge had been received the third I have already described and its results for a long time after my mind was never without a lurking fear that the influence which had once taken possession of me might return again why should I have feared to be influenced to be the messenger of a blessed creature whose wishes could be nothing but heavily who can say flesh and blood is not made for such encounters they were more than I could bear but nothing of the kind has ever occurred again Agnes had her peaceful domestic throne established under the picture my father wished it to be so and spent his evenings there in the warmth and light instead of in the old library in the narrow circle cleared by our lamp out of the darkness as long as he lived it is supposed by strangers that the picture on the wall is that of my wife and I have always been glad that it should be so supposed she who was my mother who came back to me and became as my soul for three strange moments and no more but with whom I can feel no credible relationship as she stands there has retired for me into the tender regions of the unseen she has passed once more into the secret company of those shadows who can only become real in an atmosphere fitted to modify and harmonize all differences and make all wonders possible the light of the perfect day end of part three end of the portrait by Margaret O. Oliphant recording by Red Arbrus December 2007