 Welcome to Think Tech on OC16, Hawaii's weekly newscast on things that matter to tech and to Hawaii. I'm Jay Fiedel. And I'm Raya Salter. This will be a special show on Valentine's Day, Love in Hawaii. On Valentine's Day, everyone thinks about love and romance, don't they? This week, we're taking a look at what it's like to be single, or maybe not, and looking for love here in Hawaii. And that means straight talk about dating. What are we supposed to do on Valentine's Day? What is it like to date online? Where can you turn to for help on meeting that special someone? This Valentine's Day, we're peeling back the onion on love. We spoke to singles to explore the ins and outs of the dating scene. We will also share the interviews we had with a certified love coach and, yes, a Honolulu matchmaker. In addition, we'll share stories from our Think Tech on the Street coverage on what people are planning for Valentine's Day. But before we get to that, let's talk about the holiday itself. Actually it had some really unsexy origins. It turns out that the story of Valentine's Day starts with the Roman Catholic Church in the 5th century. The church sainted two Valentines, both men, who were put lovingly to death by the Roman emperor Claudius II. And that's when the story returns to ancient Rome and gets kind of brutal. A modern Valentine's Day may have origins in the Roman Feast of Lupricalia, held in February, where there were animal sacrifices along with unrestrained drinking and violent fertility rights too. After a fairly unromantic origin, the centuries and the dark ages went by without a whole lot of love. And Valentine's Day did not turn into a love-related holiday until Chaucer and Shakespeare started to romanticize it in their writings. Good for them. With all of that, it became a day of exchanging longing love notes and making dramatic gestures and evolved inevitably into the holiday we know today. Today, Valentine's Day is celebrated in different ways around the world. In Japan on Valentine's Day, it's customary for women to be the gift-givers. The most popular gift is chocolate. Please keep that in mind. In South Korea, on February 14th, Love Day, women also give gifts of chocolate to men to whom they are attracted. But that's not all. White Day is celebrated on March 14th. And a third day, Black Day, which falls on April 14th, is dedicated to the wallflowers who have been left out of both Love Day and White Day. That's not one Valentine's Day, but three. They know how to live. And this takes us to Hawaii here in 2017 and the modern notion of love locally on Valentine's Day. What do people in Hawaii think about it these days? And what, in fact, do they do about it? We went to Tamron Park at Bishop Square, the center of downtown Honolulu, to find out. What was the first Valentine you ever got? Probably from my, my mom or dad. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little bit still in the Valentine's, I guess. Yeah. That's the best time, I think. They give you a little candy and they're like, we love you. You are a favorite Valentine. That is totally legit. How about you? I think my one's like a kindergarten. You know how you get those candy with a little no with like a secret admirer or something. So have either of you had a secret admirer, even from school, get one of those Valentine's where they say secret admirer? Oh, not since high school. Well, no, tell us about the high school one. Tell us about the high school one. That's good enough. In high school, I was in a high school musical play. And so we were doing it at the All Boys School here at St. Louis. And so we had these little Valentine's things. And so the boys would leave us a little Valentine's gift from a secret admirer. So that was probably my only secret admirer experience. Did you ever figure out who it was it gave it to you? I did. So I was Gabriela in the musical and it was Troy. Okay. I, that's actually sweet, almost a little too sweet, but that's sweet. And how about you? I think I did in kindergarten, but I can't remember his name. All right. Can I remember what was the situation? Did you maybe get like, was it something in your locker or how did that work? Like the candy with the little no in my desk or something, but nothing, nothing as special as Gabriela over here. Why don't you tell us who did you give your first Valentine to? It was an ex-boyfriend of mine from 22 years ago. And we are actually still very, very good friends to this day. Who doesn't have memories of their first love? Their first Valentine. Hawaii is such a small place where so many people know each other all their lives. A kind of goldfish bowl where there are no secrets here, more than in other places, old flames may be a problem for new ones. For insight into this issue and for tips on finding your true love in our islands, we spoke to Ami Allen of Matchmaking Hawaii. Because we are in a much more smaller area geographically, the six degrees of separation is probably more like two. And because people are very keen to see if whether we have somebody in common. But when they do, because they mostly do, you know, you talk to somebody long enough, you're going to have a couple of people in common. And that's just the way things are here. But because like, oh my gosh, you know, you went to, you know, Kaiser, oh my brother went to Kaiser and then, oh, you know, Steve, oh my gosh. And then people start thinking, okay, well, that's a little too close. I can't date her and break up with her. And then what's going to happen to my relationship with Steve? And, you know, there's a lot of repercussions because there's that closeness. And because you have, you know, a lot of, you know, you have people in common. Also, you know, because it is a small area where people meet new people is not always, you know, it's very difficult to meet new people. But you meet people through work or at work. You probably, most people don't really want to go there and make that into a romantic relationship. Because what if, you know, you have a bad breakup, you can't really change jobs. What's somebody to do? Like, so let's take that first instance where, you know, it's the reality. And people, you know, know each other. And, you know, in fact, say on Facebook, I feel like, you know, every new Facebook friend I make, you know, is the second connection to literally anyone else I've ever met. So I mean, it's what is one, what is one to do? Is it something that, you know, how does one sort of get beyond that? Is it mental? Is it, is it become, is it a fear that's justified? Is it, or is it, you know, how does one's proceed? I think you, you know, when people are looking for love, there's a kind of, there's a couple of things that's very important. First of all, you have to be open-minded. You know, when you meet somebody new, use your instinct whether you should be sharing information with that person or not. Because if you really think about it and use your instinct, you know whether it's okay or not. And, you know, that gut feeling that most people ignore sometimes. No, go with the gut feeling and be open about it and stay positive. And I think those are really important things when, you know, you want things to, to work out. What are some of the, say, the top three mistakes that people make when they're looking for love? I think when you're looking for love, it's probably better that you're not under the influence of alcohol. You want to have a clear mind to really see whether that chemistry is there. And I think that's one mistake that a lot of people do, just looking in the wrong place. You know, places where alcohol is involved is not conducive to that. You know, actually, that's very interesting because sometimes I think the first thing people want to do is grab a drink. Hey, let's, Pau Hanna, can we get a drink? And it helps sort of take some of the, maybe the nervousness and the anxiety away. What are, what are some things, you know, if someone is going to avoid alcohol, what are some things they can do? Actually, they could go to a bar and just order soda. Sure, you know, so you could still, or maybe choose like a non-bar type of environment. And I think, you know, of course, bars have a nice setting. It's very romantic. There's no reason to have more than one drink. You know, you can have your drink and enjoy the alcohol, but one over, you know, the whole evening is not that bad. And like you said, you can order something else. You can go there and have, you know, pupils and just enjoy that conversation. It's just being under the influence is just not conducive to having that clarity. What would be your advice for singles on Valentine's Day? You know, to be honest, it's just another holiday. A matchmaker here in Hawaii in the 21st century, hearkening back perhaps to the age-old matchmakers of the 19th century and before. There was a movie by that name in the 1950s with Shirley Booth. And everyone remembers matchmaker, matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof. Just as the matchmakers of the past, a me the matchmaker puts people together by fomenting contact between her clients. How would you like to be a fly on the wall of her office? I admire her because she's in a position to give people a beautiful and hopefully a lifelong gift. But what about the more complicated side of things, Raya? What about the more transitory limerence of a powering romantic longing, which can turn an ordinary person into a lovesick puppy? Heartbreak can, well, you know, break your heart. It's the stuff of which so much great music, poetry, love stories, tragedies and sitcoms are made. Love can be all-consuming, something that sweeps you away and makes you rune-struck and hopelessly irrational. But it's not always easy or natural. They say that before you can serve Enda, before someone else can love you, you need to love yourself. With that in mind, we spoke with Shauna Campbell, a certified love coach about preparing yourself for love and learning how you can successfully manage the campaign, the chase and the experience. I love to tell people what I do because I get that, like, doggy ear, like, oh, like, love coach. And people have their own definition. They probably think I'm a matchmaker or they think I'm, you know, a dating coach and whatnot. And sure, I tell people, if you've seen the movie Hitch, I'm kind of like the female version of that in a way. Ooh. That's exciting. That's what the female will say, kind of hooking us up when we're falling down in our faces. Right. But more so my concept, I talk, is really focused on self-love. The top three issues, one, I can't find someone on my level. So whether you could be someone with a certain educational background or financial, you know, whatever things that you want in a relationship, you may not find that person that kind of, quote, unquote, on your level and kind of get, like, frustrated. So that's an issue. Some people are like, why am I still single? And then they are tempted. And sometimes they do buy into the story where there must be something wrong with me. You know, I'm a great catch. I'm a great man. I'm a great woman. Like, you know, I have things going on. I mean, why can't I find that person? And the third thing, I think most of everyone do is over-analyzing. For me, because I'm always going to go back to self, it's like how a person, if you see that's going to be a challenge, not ignoring that that could be a possible, but if you allow that to take a toll on yourself, like, oh, man, like, no one, I'm a single parent. I'm a, you know, no one is not going to want me or date me or I have to wait till my child gets older and this and that. And like, who wants to? So it's really the self-talk. If you're like a single dad, you know, divorced, you know, I would just really like seek, you know, just really sit with yourself and ask yourself if you're ready for a relationship, you know, and why are you ready for a relationship or you feel like you can't have love, why cannot? So it's just really, it all goes back to self, because it's not impossible, because people get married, you know, again, and have blended family. So it's not impossible is what you tell yourself. We live in beautiful Hawaii, staycation. Staycation could be in the house or visiting another neighbor in Ireland, Ireland, Ireland. Two, if you're someone who's like outdoors, you know, probably like going out for a hike and then the day having a picnic on the beach or at the park, you know, that could be someone's idea of romantic. If you're someone who have children, definitely see if you could get a babysitter and go out or do the reverse, you know, they could spend the night at a family member's house or someone that you trust and create a romantic even at home. If you wanna be fancy, you know, find a fancy restaurant or probably a private catamaran ride and have like a private dinner, you know. But the fifth, number five, I said anything that adds a special personalized touch that could be the exact, you know, whether if you have a romantic dinner, like hiking and find a spot or to like a five-star restaurant. So like say if you're someone who loves like gummy bears and that's something you don't have all the time and someone ushers you like, oh my gosh, gummy bears. It's gonna be the little thing that's gonna be the highlight of that romantic even. Who knew there was such a thing as a certified love coach? That sounds like it's out of a sitcom too. I can see it now in Seinfeld. Our ways of courtship are more subtle, more sophisticated these days and given the complexity of dating and mating in 2017, it sounds like a love coach could be very helpful. I certainly agree, Jay. Now, with the leverage of online dating apps, social media and a thousand new ways to express your sexuality, things are getting more challenging and rewarding and perhaps more risky and risque for the people involved. We spoke with some singles to find out what they do to mix and mingle in the age of the internet. What are some of the challenges, pitfalls? Come on, open up. Let's see. Well, I think since I've been here, a lot of people tend to move in and out of the islands so it's very difficult sometimes to have a relationship that's a little bit longer than just a couple of years because they tend to be more transient. Folks are coming and going and also folks like, they come maybe thinking they're gonna stay, change their mind. What do you think, Hawaii? People are looking for an experience when they come to the Hawaiian Islands. Oh, what kind of experience are we talking about? They want, I mean, this is such a beautiful place. I mean, so much romance or so much love, I mean, just surrounding this island chain. I think people are looking for that affair that is a little bit of passion, you know. And sometimes the locals kind of serve that purpose. Interesting. For me, I live in Waikiki and that's sort of a pitfall for me because, you know, I got all these local, I mean, I got all these tourists coming through and not enough locals. And of course, they wanna latch on to you because you know the islands. You've been here for a while and they want that experience and you're there to show them. That's so interesting. As another local, what should take on that? Well, I think when you get into a relationship, you want to, if you're actually gonna try and build something, you're gonna build a sense of permanence. And being on an island, a lot of people, myself included, don't really wanna stay here for that long. And so- I've just said myself included. Well. Okay, we break this down personally. What is going on with this? Well, so, I mean, it's limiting and especially, I think it's different for people who are not from here because, you know, there's something that you can grow, you can build, you can create your own life. Whereas for people who are born and raised here, it's all familiar. I mean, I step onto any chunk of sidewalk that's one square foot I've already stepped on like a dozen times in my life and each one has three different stories to it. I mean, it's limiting. And so, you can't build that much when what you have is already built. And I think, yeah, and when you make a relationship, you're staking your turf. You're putting something down to stay with. And that, you know, it's not, I think yet an island community gets in the way of that. People are less inclined, less eager to do that. That's super interesting. And I feel like there are a lot of reasons for that. One thing, what we were talking about earlier is there's this incredible lack of anonymity. You know, like everyone knows everyone. And sooner or later, you know, you may date someone and then, you know, find that your friend or someone you know has also dated that person. This is true. This is true. It's happened multiple times. And plus, you know, like, say in New York City, I could go down to Tommy Bahamas and totally scandalize myself and nobody would ever know. Here, if I were to do that, I might actually be scandalizing myself. So what are these thoughts on some of these unique, yeah. You know, coming from Atlanta, our population is like six million there. I know, right? And then you come here. You're a big fish in a small pond, you know? And everybody is so connected to one another. I mean, and I also work with the public. So I even find that some of the clients that I work with, no people that I know. So I mean, it's just, yeah, you have to be careful. You have to have a sense of purpose and some sense of integrity and character about yourself when you live here. That's interesting. What are your thoughts on showing? Oh, absolutely. I think that's what's tough too, especially in the workplace when people that you know, especially when you work for a bigger corporation, which I do, I work for a very prestige airline. I won't say anything else, however. No, that would have to show on big display. However. So as you can tell, it would be very challenging to meet people that don't, to your point, that are connected with other people. That aren't getting back onto the plane. Exactly. What an interesting group, Briah. And what an interesting discussion you had, so different from the way it was when I was coming of age. I ought to be young again. But given the opportunities, why aren't they all married? Maybe with the liberation and prospect of all this technology, they're having too much fun. But who knows? Maybe this year, the year of the rooster, Cupid will strike them too. Maybe so. On that note, let's go back to our think tech on the street coverage to see what the people in Tamarind Park are planning to do with their sweethearts on Valentine's Day. Do you have any special plans for your wife of 45 years on Valentine's Day? Yes, I already celebrated the 45th anniversary last week with my wife and I gave her a big gift. She loved it. Would you get it? Would you get it? Would you get it? Money. Yes. Just cash, jewelry, how did that go? Cash, cash, she liked cash, yeah. She doesn't like anything there, only cash, okay? So I give her big checks, yeah. Okay, for this Valentine's Day, we're going out for a big dinner with her, yes, and a lovely whiff. Okay, okay, so tell us about the dinner and I know you don't want to ruin the surprise, but tell us about the gift. Oh, that's a surprise also. What kind of dinner? Big dinner, what kind of dinner? We go to a luxury, a very romantic restaurant. Tell us about the first time you got a Valentine. Well, so, because I'm originally from Taiwan, Taipei, so my first Valentine was celebrated there. It was, actually it was just very simple because we're all working on exams, trying to get to the back school. So we're studying, and then all of a sudden, after all the hot works from, boom, the box of chocolate, love letter, that's it, yeah. A box of chocolate and a love letter. So interesting. Well, I guess that wraps up our think tech special on love in Hawaii. Food for thought, for the heart, and of course, for the senses. It's been our pleasure to take the lid off love and find out more about Valentine's Day this time of year. To everyone out there, whether you're married, single or other, we hope you find your heartthrob. And in any event, that you have a wonderful and loving Valentine's Day on February 14th, and all food in here. Aloha, yes, among other things, it means love. And now let's take a look at our think tech calendar of events going forward. There's so much happening in Hawaii. Sometimes things happen under the radar and we don't hear much about them. But think tech will take you there. Remember, you can watch think tech on OC16 several times every week to stay current on what's happening in government, industry, academia, and communities around the islands and the world. Think Tech broadcasts its daily talk shows live on the internet from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays. Then we broadcast our earlier shows all night long and on the weekends. If you missed a show or if you wanna replay or share our shows, they're all archived on demand on thinktecawaii.com and YouTube. The audio is on thinktecawaii.com slash radio. And we're now posting podcasts of all of our shows on iTunes. Visit thinktecawaii.com for our weekly calendar and live stream and YouTube links, or sign up on our email list and get the daily docket of our upcoming shows. Think Tech has a high tech green screen first amendment studio at Pioneer Plaza. If you wanna join our live audience or participate in our shows, write to think at thinktecawaii.com. Give us a thumbs up on YouTube or send us a tweet at thinktechhi. We'd like to know how you feel about the issues and events that affect our lives together in these islands. We wanna stay in touch with you and we'd like you to stay in touch with us. Let's think together. You can call into our talk shows live. While you're watching any of our shows, you can call into 415-871-2474 and pose a question or otherwise participate in the discussion. We'll be right back to wrap up this week's edition of Think Tech. But first, we wanna thank our underwriters. Okay, Raya, that wraps up this week's edition of Think Tech. Remember, you can watch Think Tech on OC16 several times every week. Can't get enough of it just like Raya does. For additional times, check out oc16.tv. For lots more Think Tech videos and for underwriting and sponsorship opportunities on Think Tech, visit thinktechhawaii.com. Be a guest or a host, a producer or an intern and help us reach and have an impact on Hawaii. Thanks so much for being part of our Think Tech family and for supporting our open discussion of tech, energy, diversification and global awareness and love in Hawaii. You can watch this show throughout the week and tune in next Sunday evening for our next important weekly episode. I'm Jay Fiedel. And I'm Raya Salter. Aloha everyone.