 This is the Danny K. Show with Harry James and his music makers presented by Pat's Blue Ribbon. 33 fine brews blended into one great beer. Yes, neighbors, for your entertainment, Pat's Blue Ribbon presents Eve Arden, Bob Jealouson, Benny Rubin, Shirley Mitchell, the outstanding music of America's top band, Harry James and his music makers, yours truly, Ken Niles. And those 33 fine talents blended into one great comedian, Danny K. A great honor has been conferred on our boy Danny K. He has been appointed chairman of the Seventh War Lone Bond Drive in his neighborhood. For the past week, he has been busy recruiting bond sales and as we look it on him now, he is recording his activities in his daring diary. Dear diary, Monday, Eve Arden came over today to type the speech I'm scheduled to make at our neighborhood bond rally. And as she sat down at the machine, she said, go ahead, Danny, start dictating. I'll take down your speech on the typewriter. Okay, let's see how I start now. Oh, yes, friends. I got a lot of friends out there. Go ahead, Danny, continue. Yes, it is indeed a privilege for me to address you good people of our community on this most important occasion. That's all I get for that. Goodness. You know, Eve, you could type much better if you took the cover off the machine. Well, Danny, I haven't typed in quite a few years. You know, I once worked as a secretary for a firm that printed theater tickets. Oh, really? A father and his son ran it, but I quit. Oh, why? Well, the son stuck to business printing tickets, but the old man was always making passes. Continue. Yes, never mind reviewing your jaded past, Eve. We've got work to do. Right now, we've got to get out and sell some bonds in the neighborhood. Now, come on, Eve, let's make a house to house candles, huh? Well, here's the first house, Eve. I hope we can sell a bond here. Good afternoon. I'd like to talk to you about... Well, oh, well, it's my prize of football at Denjike. Well, hello, Professor Tartone. It's good to see you again. Oh, sure. It's good to see you, too. It's like I always say there's no friend like an older friend when the good weather gets it together. Right? Right. Yeah. Say, this is a very well-built house you have here, Professor. Oh, sure. This is a house that she's built out of a stuncle. I don't know what. Stuncle. Stuncle? Sure, no, that's a plaster with a goose pimples. Excuse me, Miss Arden, what's the matter? You look so puzzly. Don't you think I talk plain? Well, you accentuate the positive and you eliminate the negative, but, Mr., you're a mess in between. Well, Professor, we came over to see if we could sell you a war bond. Oh, sure. I'll buy a bond. Well, that's fine, Professor, because buying bonds is very important. You see, it not only help shortens the war, it'll also help to prevent inflation. Inflation? What's this inflation? Well, inflation? Inflation is a... Well, it's a... That is, I think inflation. Henry, Henry Morganfall. Coming, mother. But really, Professor, let me give you a simple example of inflation. You see, five years ago, you went in to a store to buy a suit of clothes. Six years. All right, six years. The suit cost you $25. $14.95. All right, $14.95. Now, that's a wooded two pair of pants. All right, with two pair of pants. Now, that was a fair price. Now, then comes a boomer. More money is in circulation. The dollar buys less and, as a result, the same suit cost you $40 and without two pair of pants. Now, do you understand what inflation is? Oh, sure. Inflation is a suit with one pair of pants. Xavier, I think we might cover more territory if we separate. You take the east side, and I'll take the west side, and I'll get to Le Brea before you. Okay, Danny, good luck. All right. Hello, is the man at the house in? I'm the man in the house. Oh, you're raping fool me. Fool the ice man, too. It's okay. Don't you recognize me? Oh, yes, yes, your B vitamin pill box, Vice President of the radio station. How come you're not down at the studio? Well, you see, today is my wife's day out, and I have to take care of the house. Oh, no, I can't. But I keep in touch with things. When I'm doing the housework, I keep the radio on. I make the beds with Vic and Said, then I luxe my undies with my Perkins, and at 10.15, I mop the floor with John Judd and wife. And then... Uh-oh. Time for this changing world. Let's, Mr. Pill Box, I came here to see you about buying some bonds for the seventh war loan. Oh, I'll be glad to buy one. I'll take a $25 bond. You better make that $50 bond. All right, making a $100 bond. That baby can talk me into anything. He's a pretty bright little fella. What do you mean? What do you mean? I think I know what's wrong with him, but you'll have to help me. It's a two-man job. You know how it's done. I think so. Let me see. You take this corner and fold it over here, and you take this corner. No, no, no, no. You take the other corner and fold it over there. That's right. Then you take this last corner and pin it up there. Well, I guess if I can do it on my head, I can do it on the baby. I hope Danny's making out as well as I am. I think I can sell another bond at this house. Well, hello, Evie. Come on in. Why, Ken Niles, I didn't know you lived in this neighborhood. Yeah, I just moved in. Oh, you've got a nice place here, Ken. Very charming. Very well constructed too. Why, the walls go clear up to the ceiling. Yes, I like it very much. In fact, I call this house my blue ribbon. Oh, how cute. Yeah, and take a look at my swimming pool out there, Evie. Paps gave it to me. Well, what do you know? That's the first swimming pool I ever saw with a head on this. Ken, I really dropped over to talk to you about Paps. Well, gladly, Evie, I'm only too happy to enlighten you. In the first place, Paps is the blended beer, full flavor blended from never less than 33 fine brews. You see, the Paps blue ribbon process of blending is the only way to ensure that grand, even goodness, that rich, full flavor you find in this great beer. It has the most delicious, tingling, appetizing flavor that ever flowed from a bottle. And just one sip of it will make you say, this really is one of the world's great beers. So order it with confidence and serve it with pride. For no matter where you go, there is no finer beer, no finer blend than Paps blue ribbon. You're right, Ken. And no matter where you go, there is no finer by no bigger bargain than United States war bond. Dear diary, Wednesday, our door to door bond selling campaign is moving right along and it really put our neighborhood court over the top. We held a huge rally on our block. When I stepped up on the speaker's platform to open the rally, the crowd rose to its feet and cheered. All right. Thank you, crowd. Maybe I'd better forget the speech and get the rally started with a rousing number from Harry James and his music makers. Harry, let's have blue blue. Very much. You really got our rally off to a great start. Say, Danny, if you want to see what I'm doing for the bond drive, come and take a look at the sign I've set up over my booth. Oh, well, well, well, what do you know? Buy a bond and kiss a blonde. That's a great idea. Who's the blonde? I am. Don't worry, we'll think of something else. Oh, if that's so. Well, I'll then sell plenty of bonds. Now, just stand back and hold this fresh lipstick. All right, gentlemen, step right up, gather around. Every man who purchases a war bond at this booth will get a free charge, a great big kiss from me. Send your father over. Come on, gentlemen, buy a bond, kiss these lips and beat the nips. All right, don't crowd now. Who will be the first man to buy a thousand dollar bond and get a big kiss from me? All right, who will be the first to buy a $500 bond and get a kiss from me? Who will be the first to buy a $100 bond? $50 bond? $25 bond? Does anyone have a buddy, buddy, 10 cent worth? Kiss me, son. Thanks, Rover. I'd better run down to the drugstore and get myself a bottle of perfume. Maybe that'll help. What kind of you're going to get? Take it easy, dear. I'm going to get a two gallon bottle of come hither, hold me, kiss me, squeeze me, crush me. Wow, Oda Cologne. See you later, Dan. Okay, I'll take care of the booth while you're going. I'll see if I can sell some bonds. All right, folks, step right up and get your war bonds. Heavy, heavy, heavy, best buyin' a rare United States war Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Can I sell you a war bond? You probably can. I have no resistance. You haven't? No. Both my Scott master are only here to advise me. No, seriously, would you like to buy a war bond? Oh, I'd like to, but everything I have is tied up. For investment in the stock market. Oh, you're so convincing. Well, can I put you down for a bond? Can I put you down for another bond? Sure. Well, now you can put me down. How about it? How about what? The kiss. Oh, the kiss, yes. Oh, that's for the girl. Oh, well, I'm a girl. Oh, are you? I mean, do you? Oh, yes, come to think of the job. Well, you know, every bond you buy represents something, you see? For instance, a $25 bond buys bullets and a $50 bond buys a submachine gun and so forth. Now, what size bond do you want to buy? Well, I'll just kiss you and you can name it. Well, I'll just kiss you and you can name it. Okay. You've just bought a Jeep. You've just bought an airplane. Danny tabulates his bond sales to date. Kitty Callan joins Harry James and his music makers and keeps the bond rally going by singing the very lovely ballad, I Didn't Know About You. By the way, how are the bond sales going at your booth? Oh, fine. I sold a hundred bonds and gave away a hundred and one kisses. A hundred bonds and a hundred and one kisses? Yes, one of my customers had two heads. Well, I'm glad my drummer's patriotic. How about you, Harry, want to buy a bond? Well, I'd be glad to, Ely, but right now, I think you've got another customer. Well, well, hello, little boy. Hello, Blondie. How's the kissing business? Fine, fine. Who are you anyway? What's your name? I'm Daniel Q. P. Kane. I'm three and a half years old going on, too. How can you be three and a half going on, too? I'm backward. Hey, mister, are you a fellow? Hey, mister, are you a fellow? Hey, are you? Well, no, I'm Harry James. Oh, Harry. Who's he? You say you've never heard of Harry James, the famous trumpet player? Oh, is that who he is? Hey, Mr. James, let me play a trumpet. Would you let me go? Do I blow you in trumpet? Okay, okay. All right, little boy. All right. Now blow right into the mouthpiece. Okay. I think you'd better give it up, though. You know, that'll never get you anything. Oh, no. Got you, Betty Gravel. Now look, little boy, you're blocking the booth and I'm trying to sell war bombs. Come on now, go away. No. Go on, go away. Hey, little boy. Besides, you shouldn't kick my dog. Kick your dog? What dog? I don't see any dog. Oh, you can't see him. He's invisible. He's invisible? Well, what kind of a dog is he? I don't know. I can't see him. I told you he's invisible. Ain't some women stupid. I'm glad I ain't married to you. Me too. Now go home. Step right up, gentlemen. Step right up, gentlemen. Get your war bombs here. Get your war bombs here. Look, will you please go home? I can't go home. Why not? Because the finance man is waiting and I owe three payments on my automobile. Automobile? How can a little boy like you drive a car? I wear glasses. Oh, that's logical. Hello, Eve. How are the pawn sales going? Oh, fine, Ken. Would you like to add to my sales? Well, I certainly, Evee. Here you are. Well, $100. Thank you, Ken. Now, how about my kiss? Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. He's going to kiss her now. I got to see this. Oh, come on now, little boy. Go away. Oh, no. Go on now. No, I won't. Now look, little boy. If you don't go away, I'll have to... What? What's the matter? You stepped on my cat. What cat? Don't bother asking him, Ken. His cat is in whizzicable. She talks funny, don't she? He's got a dog that's in whizzicable, too. Not anymore. Why? What happened to him? My horse ate him. My horse is a race horse, and we couldn't race him for a couple of months, but now we can. Why? You know why? No. Because they just lifted his curfew. Hey, look, Evee, maybe I'd better come back later and collect my kiss. So long. So long, Ken. Say, Blondie, why do you kiss every guy that comes up to this booth? Hmm. Why do I kiss everybody? Don't you see that sign over the booth? Yes. You can read, can't you? Yes. Well, what does it say? I don't know. It says that with every bond that's purchased, I give away a free kiss. Ah. Well, how long has this been going on? Give me three billion drillian schillion dollars, will you? Three billion schillion dollars, will you? Yes. Mm-hmm. I'm rich. I'm a regular John D. Rocketsmeller. Now, just a minute. Where would a little boy like you get all that money? Oh, I want to shootin' marbles with Keith Fulton. Shootin' marbles? Yeah. I used a loaded Aggie. You know those Aggies that you see with the old colors? How much do you actually have in cash? Well, let me see. A cash of four billion three hundred and eighty-six million. And ten million. How much have you actually got? I'm gettin' to stop naggin' me. I'm not a come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Well? Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Well? Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Well? Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Well? Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Come-tom-a-nam-a-name. Well? I got exactly twelve pennies, three bottle caps, and an autographed picture of Gabriel Heter. So just give me ten cents, and I'll give you a war stamp. I bought a war stamp at school yesterday, and when I looked at the pasted in my book, it tasted so good I swallowed it. Oh, my goodness. That's terrible. No, it isn't terrible. It's wonderful. In ten years, my stomach will be worth two seventy pounds. Well, anyway, here's your stamp. All right now. Give me my tits. Just a second. You only get a kiss if you buy a bar. I want to see the manager. Come-come now. Run along, little boy. I want to see the manager. Now, please. I want to see the... Welcha. Come on now. Give me a kiss. Look, little boy, you're only three and a half years old. Yeah, I know. But when I kiss a girl, it makes me feel older. Well, if it makes you feel older, okay, here. Well? I want to see the manager. Oh, he came back to get his kiss. Oh, you're still here, are you? Yes. And while you're away, the lady gave me a war stamp and a kiss for ten cents, and three bottle caps. Oh, you... Bottle caps, huh? See, that interests me. Are they PAPS Blue Ribbon bottle caps? What? Are they PAPS Blue Ribbon bottle caps? I don't know. I got them from my father. Well, let me see. Yes, they are PAPS Blue Ribbon bottle caps. I surprised them, didn't I? Yes, your father shows rare judgment for these bottle caps sealed in the flavor and goodness of one of the world's great beers. And the reason for its greatness is blending. That's why PAPS is more than just another beer. It's the blended beer, full flavor blended from nevertheless than 33 fine brews. Yes, blending is the only way in the world to obtain that distinctive tang and sparkle, that day-in-day-out goodness, that true and perfect beer flavor you enjoy in every sip of PAPS Blue Ribbon. So order it with confidence and serve it with pride. For no matter where you go, there is no finer beer. No finer blend than PAPS Blue Ribbon. Dear Diary, today I'm very proud because our neighborhood band rally was a huge success. And around out the rally, Harry James and I got together on a song which we call Concerto for War Bonds, Op. 7, with music by Sir Arthur Sullivan and special lyrics by Milady Sylvia the Fine. It went like this. When you're buying a band, there is something beyond them. A fact that you simply are buying it. When your country has made you a lucky indeed to be able to keep on supplying it. As a venture financial, it's very substantial. You're not merely handing your money in. Though for your country it is at the same time it is an investment to gather the honey in. Now I could do some preaching, rhetorical, reaching persuasion with verbiage tactical, but here is a viewpoint that might make a new point at least that's exceedingly practical. When you buy in the drive between 75 and 25 actual dollars, put the very same sum out a new lonely comma with several items as follows. A hat with a bead which you don't really need because a couple of wearings were dated. Or a hairdo that's new with a lot of fruit blue. And your husband will probably hate it. You could buy a new dress that would satisfy less than the dress you are already wearing. Or some fancy new ties which you soon realize or your brothers are secretly sharing. Or a fancy new show which you don't need at all for the weather is getting too hot for it. You could go to a nightclub or put on the bike club or hangovers all that you've got for it. Though your Aunt Mary loves very fancy new gloves. If today you are buying a gift for her, she would be just as fond of a shiny new bonnet and doubly more of a lift for her. If you want to be thrifty with three seven fifty, your bond brings you half of a sea note. While you're saving your dough at the same time you know you are sounding for freedom. The keynote for the bounce that you blow while in Europe we fall with a real world with all for each D-day. If it weren't for that who knows where we'd be at. We might never have had a V-E day. But the war isn't won. It's only half done. We've got plenty to go and we've got to have dough to keep sending out guys all the guns and supplies all the planes all the tanks all the best for the ants all the things that we can to demolish Japan got a back to the attack with a mindset of attack not alone, not election not only perhaps if you want to sound bye bye bye bye That was great Danny. Great. Are there any more entries in your diary? Yes, Ken. I've got a little memorandum here which says don't forget NRW. But I don't know what it means. NRW. Any phone number? I don't think so. Oh wait a minute, Ken, I have it. Now I remember what NRW stands for. National Restaurant Week. You see in wartime what we eat is particularly important. That's why the week of May 7th has been set aside as National Restaurant Week. The slogan is eat well and the purpose of the week is to give a big hand to the restaurants that plan our meals so carefully that we get all the vitamins in the alphabet and good old fashioned flavor too. So this week and every week remember that good food and a balanced diet help to keep the nation healthy and that in wartime you have to eat well to work well. That's good sound advice Danny. Oh thank you Ken and remember the next time you eat out go to your favorite restaurant and say Oh there's good food tonight. Good night sale. This program was directed by Dick Mack and was brought to you by the Pat Brilliant Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Peoria, Illinois. His CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.